Victor: Stop playing Pokemon Go and talk to me.
me: I bet when King Midas was still under that curse/blessing where everything that touched him turned to gold his servants probably fished his solid gold poop out of his chamber pot and were like “WE’RE RICH, MOTHERFUCKERS!” and then they quit their jobs to live off of the poop gold and then a couple days later when King Midas “learned his lesson” they woke up to see that their golden turd they were treasuring had turned back into literal shit. I bet that was a really bad day.
Victor: Never mind. Go back to your phone.
me: And they’d probably already melted some of the poop stash down to make necklaces for their wives. Or earrings.
Victor: I’m eating.
me: Or…Jesus Christ…gold fillings for their teeth.
Victor: Please stop.
me: I’m just saying, they’re gonna get an infection and meanwhile the king is still rich and he got his daughter back and is totally fine. I mean, the economy just tanked, the gold standard is trashed, people are unemployed and probably have cholera now that they’re smeared in his shit. But thank God the rich guy learned a lesson and was happy to humbly go back to just being the fucking king.
Victor: This is the weirdest fight we’ve had all day.
me: Oh my God, I am seething.