I’m not sure if it’s depression or just life catching up but I’ve been having a lot of quicksand days. Those times when you feel like you’re moving in slow-motion and things that should take 10 minutes for a normal person take hours for me. I look at emails I need to respond to but then I don’t because I don’t have the energy and that feels shitty because who doesn’t have the energy to fucking email? And then Victor gets frustrated with me because he has a “touch it once” philosophy and he doesn’t understand my “touch it until it breaks and you hate everything” philosophy where you look at the email subject but don’t answer. And then the next day you open it but it seems exhausting so you mark it as unread so it won’t get lost. And then the next day you open it again and start a response but don’t send it and then it gets lost in drafts and then a week later they email you again to ask if you got the email and basically you start all over again.
Anyway, if you’re in quicksand too know that you are not alone and that eventually we’ll all come out.
Unrelated…I drew this for you.
Print it. Color it. Burn it. No rules, lovelies.
I do that with email, too. Sometimes I just don’t feel like dealing with it. Usually I get back to it eventually or forget it altogether.
I don’t understand folks’ ability to “touch it once”. Victor might as well be a magician as far as I can reckon. You’re doing great, Jenny. We’re here because we’re here because we’re here because we’re here.
Lots of love.
Liz
greetings to you from me, in the quicksand. Hang in there, everyone.
Thank you. I am currently also in the quicksand.
I enrolled my wife in your Fantastic Strangelings bookclub for her birthday in February. She loves receiving the books and it brings her joy each month. She received this month’s book today and was thrilled with both the book and the bonus.
I just wanted to share so that you know you’re really special and appreciated.
DR
So much this. I’m tired in that bone deep, never enough sleep to fix it way.
Email is forever my impossible task. No matter how many tutorials I read and advice from the “touch it once” people I get (that sounded vaguely disturbing, I’m sorry) my inbox is always a terrifying place. I do kind of feel a cross between quicksand and feeling like I’m climbing a mountain only to reach a peak to discover I’m somewhere in the range and I can’t quite tell where. Thank you for the drawing and for letting us know we’re all in the quicksand together- kind of wish Last Crusade era Harrison Ford would join us in the quicksand…a girl can dream.
Thank you for the term “quicksand days.” I’ve just been calling them “bad days” but lately seems like they’re all bad. I was reading stuff on decluttering yesterday, thinking hey, this is the perfect time. Checked my blood sugar this morning and it’s WAY up. Did I mention that stress causes it to go up? And just knowing there is a tiny invisible killer out there that could make its way into my house at any time is pretty darned stressful. So don’t add any stress on top of that. Just do a blanket “here’s an answer to all your emails, I’m here and still alive” on your blog. Reduce the stress. Get out of the quicksand. Love ya, Jenny. You’re my hero and often my lifeline.
I feel like that right now. It doesn’t help that my 22 yd old nephew died on Easter.
Thankfully, most of my emails are instantly deleted, cause they are that unimportant. Hugs from the quicksand!
Quicksanders UNITE!!! I’m there too.
Thank you!! I SO needed this. I’m volunteering this week as a caller with our county health department and just got off the phone with a business owner who was a real asshole. Time to break out the colored pencils…
I can absolutely relate. Been dealing with crippling anxiety, agoraphobia, thanataphobia, depression for the latter of 20yrs. Got off antidepressants 8yrs ago. Our prepper mentalities in a state(TX) we dont want to settle in, and 4 gorgeous little girls (one is almost a Tween). My cat Coraline loves me but loves my hubby more. Keep the pantry and freezer full. Teach our “lower spectrum autistic” Kindergartner how to read.
Not going to resort back to cutting (highschool crutch) but Tattoo shops closed too. I just cant win!
My teeth hurt from gritting. Wanna cry, but hate the bloat.
Cheers Motivational Goddess.
(^ v-v ^)
I’m feeling this today. Also felt this yesterday but yesterday was Sunday so it felt ok to just be. Today it feels like I should be doing things. I’m a hair stylist on lockdown and have had numerous clients text and ask about “when?” just today. Feeling helpless to help them isn’t helping. Blargg. It will get better/ different. But today I’m in the muck.
Ah God, the “touch it oncers”. (is that a word?) The mental exhaustion I feel sometimes when it comes to paperwork in general, especially things like health insurance claims. Then I feel anxious because it’s just sitting there, glowing like kryptonite. The days I can do “touch it once” whether it’s paperwork, cleaning toilets, whatever, I feel like superwoman. Can’t imagine what it’s like to be like that all the time. I need deadlines and someone riding my sorry ass.
I wish I could touch it once. I read the re line 100 times until it looks like spam then I move to the next one. Keep your head up and breathe.
My days are like a swamp, muddy, beautiful, dangerous. The quicksand is always waiting for me, but so is the sandbar. We can do this!
There are cracks in everything; that’s how the light gets in – Leonard Cohen {Anthem}
Yes, this exactly. In addition to moving in slow motion, it is like my brain is mired in tar. My 9 year old has it too, we both can’t seem to figure out the most basic instructions sent by her teacher.
In the crazy synchronicity department, I used the quicksand analogy not two hours ago to describe my current unpleasant sensations and I’m an older, non-depressed, normally happy person. Novel… yes indeed this is. Hang in there kids, all things are impermanent. Just have good intentions and you’ll plant good karmic seeds.
Yip I’ve had a charisma bypass too – listless seems to sum up my mood these days.
Quicksand is the perfect description. I’m working, but it’s taking me twice as long and once work is done I don’t want to leave the house. If I make it out, if I don’t take a list I forget half of what I need and even with a list I’m bound to forget something. I know I can make it out, but the quicksand is thick right now.
I am in so much quicksand right now. It is hard because I am a teacher and have students relying on me. I hope I get out of it soon.
I do that with phone messages that ask me to call them back. If I didn’t pick up the first time that is a clue. I will spend nights awake agonizing over having to call my doctor’s office back the next day
I like the drawing, on my first look I thought it was a big mouth with lots of teeth.
I’m in it with you. I have thousands of emails and I just can’t. My child is failing math and I just can’t. I need a time out. hugs
Yes! Ugh, but then I feel bad because I know so many people are sick or somehow worse off (and then deeper down I go). I’ve been coloring pages from your coloring book lately, and that does help (my therapist calls it a mood-spiraling-up behavior). I hope you have some of your own💖
I literally just finished going through like 500 book newsletter emails I’ve been behind on all year. It felt like homework, but then again, I found a few gems to read.
I find I am acclimating to this new normal and actually dread the day I have to go back to the office and run errands all day on Saturdays and not have excuses for events and such. And I say this as an extrovert.
The one feature I hate on my iPhone is that it counts all the “new” emails. I see the counter crawling up and up and it just makes me want to delete my email account and never look at it again.
I refer to it as moving through Jello. Walking from one room to the next is like walking in a pool only the resistance is even stronger. It takes so much energy for just a few steps.
How can you reply to an email when it’s taken all your energy to read And comprehend what’s being said. Let alone trying to figure out if you should say Hi or Hello or something more formal for a business email. Those that don’t feel this way don’t even understand that there is a choice to decide on, they just start typing.
To the “touch it oncers,” Sure I’ll answer all my emails but it will use up all of my spoons and you’d better expect me to snap at you, hard, if you ask me why I didn’t put my glass in the dishwasher.
I am finding that the only thing I have energy for is playing words with friends on the couch with my husband. Given that we run a small business together, that’s bad news for everyone.
girl… my journal entry last week describes how i’ve *felt like i’m doing laps in pool filled with cooked oatmeal and i’m not that fond of oatmeal and my appetite is meh, too.
and since comparing ourselves to anyone [i have a touch-it once girlfriend who also. happens to be a home-organizer and she’s KILLING IT right now… i imagine her apartment inside and out looks like every Real Simple Living article i’ve ever resented]… is always a bad idea and even worse in the middle of a global pandemic… but i can’t seem to let that stop me from doing it anyway.
so… quicksand… oatmeal… potato, pohtahto… this SUCKS nuts [period] and the existential tension and #wtf is wrong [with everything] seems to be growing [right now].
and then there’s the let’s get back to normal peoples… and i’m like wait are you out of your mind right now and what the hell was normal anyway peoples so please #STFU and chop wood [by yourself] or something.
thanks for not being a one and done woman… while i appreciate the #goals mindset can come in handy as a general rule… but #ffs… not in the middle of a global pandemic, please.
in fact maybe it’s the perfect time to train ourselves to be kind.er. than ever to ourselves right now… this novel coronavirus will eventually be in the rearview mirror and we can all go back to playing our “normal level” of self-criticism and social comparison … oh boy, i can hardly wait.
from the lower branches :-/
I am swimming in that quicksand with you. We aren’t drowning as long as our faces breech the surface.<3
Don’t beat yourself up. Not being glib here, but some email is just harder than others.Some responses take a LOT of energy, or they become the first response in a long list of stuff that has to be done, so it’s easier to just mark it as “unread,” even if it’s something I want to do in the long run. Just me? I may have said too much.
This, too, shall pass. And I hope it passes quickly.
Thank you.
I’m having so much trouble concentrating when instead I should be just getting so much done since I don’t have a lot of my other work distractions. Having to clock in and out by email every day and say what I did with my time to justify it isn’t helping. Nothing has been questioned but I am paranoid and always wondering “do I sound like an idiot? Did I do enough? I was busy the whole day but I can’t think of what to write that proves that.”
There’s been a lot of crying and the work stress that was making me cry before quarantine keeps multiplying every time I get an email from my boss who just keeps making me want to quit and doesn’t seem to either realize or care to realize how what he is doing is effecting me and I don’t have anyone to talk to about it. Sorry. Almost made it through the “work” day and t hen another work email set me to desperate sobs and tears again.
ALLLLLLLL the Yes’s!! And it comes in frantic waves… I’ll have all this energy and ideas and I sit down to do them and…. Nothing. Nada. Blank. It’s. So. Fucking. Frustrating.
The next person who tells me to “appreachiate this time” is getting punched in the throat… Just sayin’…
Sorry, in all of my whining I forgot to say something really important – THANK YOU. Thank you for your books, this blog, the book club. It helps so much to feel like I’m not in this by myself and that you and all of the other people commenting and participating re dealing with the same things.
From stuff I’ve read lately, it’s like the whole world is going through emotional trauma. For some of us, some of the time, that means being unable to concentrate, barely being able to get anything done, sleeping too much or not enough, cycling between flight, fright, and freeze responses. Coloring one of your designs yesterday helped me a lot. I felt out of control, so I grabbed my printout and started blindly pulling crayons out of the box. I wasn’t in control of the colors, but the resulting picture was lovely, and it helped me see that I don’t need to be in control to enjoy the simple things in life. I hope you can find joy in the small things too.
I do this too! I’m glad I’m not alone.
Quicksand is the perfect way of describing it! I require 2 hours each morning just to get myself to the point of functioning. Not sure if going off my antidepressants before Coronapocalypse was the BEST idea, but I KNOW I could not be A function school teacher mom if I was trapped in the ZoloftZombie funk.
Truth!!! I am right there with you. Thanks for the acknowledgment ♥️
Try getting some more sunlight. That’s helps me lots on days such as these. Good luck madam!
I usually try to only keep under 50 emails in my inbox (work in IT, get lots of emails) but right now, I am at 500 and this is just adding to the spiral. I completely feel you!!
These are quicksand days… Hope our voices help you keep your head out of the sand as you help us.. And please.. don’t worry about emails. Love, love, love.
And that’s why I have 6000 unread emails in my mailbox. 😉
My quicksand is Jello. Doing anything feels like swimming through Jello. Most of our household is swimming through Jello right now. So it’s really, really, really not just you right now. I think it’s the times we are living in and the torrent of awful news and the uncertainty.
Glad to see you here with me.
I mean NOT glad to see you here with me, but sorry and welcome.
I currently have 999 999 emails on my yahoo account! I’ve gotten too lazy over the past few years to sit for hours deleting!
And we shine some days just because of YOU! I hope you can feel the love coming across cyberspace.
Thank you. Right now I can’t do anything more than exist, even though I know it would help my misery if I took action of any kind. It’s been a long time since I got this far down in the belly of beast. I came here to check in because I am relying heavily on what you’ve said before about knowing there will be good days again, that depression lies, and yes, there is light even if we can’t see it.
Also in the quicksand. My mind is a total fog and has been for days.
This stay in place totally by myself and depression does not go well together.
My husband has agoraphobia, bi-polar, and borderline personality disorder. He is struggling right now as well.
Some emails need a good staring at and a head shake to boot. Maybe higher Haley as a part time personal assistant. https://possumscatsthingsgnawingatme.wordpress.com/2020/04/20/pandemic-naps-and-turkeys/
Me, too. Too tired to do just about anything.
Me, too. Too tired to do just about anything.
I’m living in a quicksand reality as well. I’m working from home, or at least trying to. The day’s are exhausting and I’m just sitting in front of my computer. The drawing helps, thanks ☺
Jo-Anne
I’ve got my 73 yo mom living with me while I try so hard to work from home. She has loud/endless calls with her friends about extremely depressing topics, but she’s here. I am SO grateful for that. And when I read through the comments my gratitude grows. Because I live in that quicksand, but the key thing is that I still live. I am so sorry for people who have lost someone recently or feared losing someone (as I do every time I come back in from a food/prescription run that I put off til the last possible moment). But we are here and that matters. Maybe not always to us, but to someone. Much love and “hang in there with all of your kitten claws” vibes to all of you.
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.
Leonard Cohen
I call this email anxiety or email fatigue. Sometimes it’s just too much to go through my inbox even when it’s urgent and necessary. Oops.
Did anyone else look at the wonderful new drawing & see teeth at first glance? on their itty bitty phone scene? Just me?
Thank you for saying this. I’m always beating myself up over it.
I’m so grateful to the person who said they have 6000 emails. I only have 4,610! Often I’m so tired after deleting all the non-personal emails that I don’t have the bandwidth to read and answer any of the personal ones! Jenny, for a person who often feels in the quicksand you sure have had an enormously positive effect on the world. Like Mother Theresa only better says it all. Sending so much love and gratitude to you and to everyone else in the comments.
Thank you Jenny. Quicksand is the perfect term for this waves arms wildly at all the things. As for email, I cleaned up one of my gmail inboxes yesterday & it felt great! Work email is another story & to keep my sanity, low priority per MY judgement & “wtf, how is that even a priority right now??” emails get my attention once a week. If they need it sooner, they will ask for it sooner or follow up. Your priority & theirs is different and that’s ok. I’m convinced touch it once people’s brains are wired differently. And that’s ok. Touch it until you’re done is ok too. Who wants us all the same anyways? 🙂 stay safe, stay wonderful, take laps in the quicksand.
OK, I saw teeth at first too!!! Hugs to all.
Thank you so much for the drawing… I’m going to print it and somehow DIY frame it and then… black sharpie that frame. Perhaps add some glitter to the frame. Your drawing pulled me out of the quicksand and brought me to glitter! Art therapy! Thank you! And hugs hugs hugs. All this suffocation and darkness is really taking a toll on many of us and… we have to find that candlelight you drew.
I think I was born in quicksand and have been slowly sinking deeper my whole life.
I feel this in my soul.
Isn’t that how EVERYONE handles their email? I think Victor and my husband are quite abnormal with their attitude toward/attack of email.
I can’t tell you how many emails I’ve worked to perfection that never got sent because…God only knows why they never got sent.
Who has the energy for dealing with email? It hurts my brain. For real. And that’s on a GOOD day. It’s like asking who has energy to take a shower. ;/
I know this may like throwing a bottled message into an ocean, but does this feeling also affect your perceived value? That’s my problem. When I happen to tread into quicksand, I feel like I have no value. What helps you feel valued again?
Quicksand describes it exactly. I don’t have too many emails. But everything else? Oh definitely.
Everyone I know reports that in these times, a day in which they manage to create a “to do” list with a couple of items is a good day. Actually accomplish anything is a bonus. This- right now- is not normal. Therefore, it is normal not to feel like answering emails, doing laundry, picking up the mail. This is how chaos feels, and it is okay to feel how you feel and do what you do. I find that sitting on the back steps watching the bees on the rosemary is calming.
I cannot imagine how much worse it must be for someone who experiences depression. So, in my mind, I am lifting all of you who are in quick sand. My thoughts are with you and I am pulling for you. This is not easy, but you are not alone.
(arms around you)
Cyndi in Seattle
I honestly PAID someone to cull my damn email from over 2,100 unread to UNDER 50! But I’m back to 400. Yeah, some people just aren’t going to get a reply from me though they may well deserve it.
It didn’t occur to me that I was in the quicksand until a friend that I usually talk to every single day checked on me because I hadn’t said anything in like 4 days. Now it’s pretty obvious, because I don’t want to get out of bed.
But I AM making a lot of progress in your coloring book….which I started coloring in as soon as you released it, but then I got distracted by learning to knit and also painting by number….but now I’m back and it’s helping a little.
Your most beautiful picture drawn yet…Thank you very much
Try ‘touch it twice’. I have set up tags in Thunderbird, you can use categories in Outlook. I have tags like: todo, waiting response, personal, IMPORTANT, you get the idea. I scan them to decide on the tag and move on. I also have files for recurring crap. So I have ‘unpaid bills’ and ‘paid bills’, ‘shopping’, etc. I make sure to file stuff or delete it immediately if that’s where it goes. The only thing that stays in the inbox is stuff I have to tend to, the exception to that is the bills folders. I have a reminder set to actually pay those so I can safely file them. I still don’t do the things on time or in time I should but they are staring at me after cleaning up the inbox every day with the colors that insist I respond, or do SOMETHING. It sorta works
YES! I can relate so much to the quicksand feeling. For me I say it’s like moving through molasses. So slow and everything takes for f***ing ever. Sometimes it takes until the afternoon for me to get up, get breakfast and brush my damn teeth. Then I beat myself up for that because it should not take someone hours to get to the brushing your damn teeth part of your day 🙁
You mean everyone doesn’t do email this way? My daughter told me the other day there are people who don’t have voices in their heads, and those people think people that do are psychotic. I can’t figure out how someone doesn’t have voices in their heads. I don’t think that’s real, those people don’t really exist, someone must fave have made them up.
Quicksand is a good word for what I experience. Thanks for putting a name to that which i couldn’t communicate. But, when I’m in quicksand I’m unable to produce deeply meaningful drawing as you have here! ❤️
I’m trying super hard not to sink. I live with a cat and a dog. My daughter is grown and married. She came to my house Friday to give me a mask she had sewn herself for me. But we did not hug goodbye, and that kills me. You can do this and I can too. Cry if you need to, I’m doing it now. This fucking sucks.
Thank you for your words, your artwork, and for bringing together this grand collection of people. It is so wonderful to know there are minds out in the world like mine. With struggles, fears, hopes and who are brave enough to share. Today I woke up in the quicksand. Desperate and drowning. In the middle of all of “THIS” we bought our first house. And we were supposed to move this Thursday. I looked around at everything undone and lost it. My dear hubby looked at me, picked up the phone and postponed the move for a week. One week doesn’t sound like a lot but it means so much that he did it. And I’d been cursing him in my head because he hasn’t done a thing yet. It may have been the reason he called but I’ll just think he called because he loves me. Like a branch held out over the quicksand to grab and hold onto for dear life.
This is a more accurate description of how I manage my email than any business book I’ve read. 😍
I’m on the verge of tears all day long. Reading this made them spill over again
A big pit of executive dysfunction.
One of us! Sometimes like just last week,yesterday and today my brain was in a fog. I watch myself in slow motion taking forever to do one thing. Then I get distracted half way. Move onto another and end up in a confusing circle. I’ll start talking to myself outloud of course, wishing I had a cat to talk to. Even the neighborhood raccoon isn’t around my yard to see. Where was I? Oh right indecisive and procrastinating. I’ll be over here making sandcastles in the quicksand.
I had 3 naps yesterday and still it did not seem like enough. I despise being “stuck” at home. It is killing little pieces of my soul. I can go nowhere by choice and be fine, but once I don’t get to choose I can’t take it.
But wait – didn’t you just get to stop worrying about your sister? Now your brain is in the unstructured limbo that the brains of those of us without urgent, specific concerns were in a few weeks ago. Please be patient with yourself. It sounds like par for the course.
I love your people. You are the queen B, but – your people, oh my god. They break my heart and make me feel human and make me laugh and cry and remind me I should brush my teeth. And gotdammit, hit publish.
I’m in the quicksand too,nothing seems to stick in my head at the moment,I can’t seem to concentrate on anything apart from eating and computer games………..I think I may be becoming a teenager
Quicksand. Same. And I can’t quarantine. I am out working with the public. Idk what is worse. But right now it all feels worse.
The Other Jenny
It’s probably a little bit of both, Jennie. And I’ve been going through it too. I finally have ALL the time in the world to clean my house the way it SHOULD be cleaned and I’m like, “Screw it. I just want to lay in bed all day and watch Youtube.” because it’s like I just don’t have the energy.
::hugs::
How is Hailey handling all of this? Is she OK? I think about her a lot right now because she’s about the same age as my son and he’s really sick of this shit right now.
I feel like this as well, and then I start yelling at myself because how is my email too exhausting to look at? These are hard times, and we’ll get through it together!
Thank you Jenny.
I saw your post earlier today, and I thought “yeah, I do that a lot”.
And just now I’ve been doing exactly that: looking at… not emails, but chat messages, and trying various replies in my head, and then giving up, “I will come back to them later”. It’s been two hours now.
As if it were some kind of interview where my answers would be scrutinized and my life could be changed forever. But it’s coworkers who are not even asking much from me.
It’s hard not to hate my brains right now. Or the rest of the year…
Anyway, thanks for capturing this with your words. If it’s exposed, maybe it’ll be easier to cope.
Woah….have you been reading my mind? Same.
Ugh, all the yes to this. Who doesn’t have the energy to email? This girl.
I understand that mode. The longer this goes on, the harder it is to keep a routine going.
Quicksand. Perfect description. I kind of fell apart last night, watching the Rotterdam Philharmonic do Ode To Joy. It’s on YouTube – it’s gorgeous and made me burst into tears. I think the overwhelm is finally getting to me.
Thank you for another picture to color….I related to this one quite well….I’m in a dark tunnel…lit only by a candle, so the “light at the end of the tunnel” is not very bright….but it is there at least….
Hang in there Jenny, with all of us…..trying to stay above the quicksand…..
hugs~suzy
I think it is partly a reflection of the times that we all are going through. I find myself just taking life in smaller bites and not so much as really TRYING to accomplish anything as so much as ACCIDENTALLY accomplishing things. When you find you are having a “Fuck You” day where everything is a fight, purposely say to yourself, “I’m taking a break,” then accomplish that. Just had coffee and went through John Scalzi’s 31 days song lists on “Whatever”. Made for a lovely morning.
this reminds me of when my 4 yo told me “There are stars in the darkness.”
One hundred percent guilty of reading. Deciding “ugh”. Which I knew full well going in. And then marking unread. Also – I’m the master of the “punt” – find something in the email to quickly throw it back in the sender’s court. I’ve turned over the ball, instead of taking it to the finish line. I’ll do that tomorrow. Maybe…
Yes. It’s like I dread getting email from friends these days because then there’s all this pressure to respond at length, cleverly, and it just becomes another “thing” to do. This is my last week of TMS and I’m still depressed. I feel much better than I did when I started treatment but I’m still crying all the time and it blows. Is it depression or is it fear of Covid, Trump reelection, retirement planning. Also suffering from waves of anxiety that don’t seem to end. The measured breathing helps but it doesn’t stop it. Waves and waves and waves of chestal tightness that start the moment I wake up. I’m 63 yo and I want my Mom. I really want my Mom but she’s been dead for a long time.
P.S.: I love the Leonard Cohen verse.
P.P.S.: Thanks for listening everyone.
I have to admit, I’m normally a “touch it once & be done” kind of person too, but completely understand those times that an email just seems overwhelming, no matter how simple or difficult the answer needs to be. And in times like these when the world is so topsy-turvy, it’s definitely worse for many people. Take care.
I sprained my ankle because I’m overmedicating myself because I feel all kinds of sick and depressed and anxious and I’m tired of listening to my amped up husband shout at his workmates i didn’t even know he could be that loud after almost 30 years together and i know there’s something wonderful about that but dammit I need some alone time! And for my mind and body to stop being so mean to me! Thanks for letting me vent I know I’m lucky but yeah, that quicksand is getting to me too.
I love your drawing! I saw teeth and the candle in the darkness. I’m going to give the teeth braces in my mind so I can lock them up tight to keep them from chomping on the light. I am an obsessive email, delete anything that’s not important, and read and reply to everything immediately. I touch it once for anything important that has to be done, but everything that isn’t absolutely necessary gets stared at and occasionally thought about, and then it sits forever until I get bored or mad. I’m really good at doing stuff when I’m bored or mad. I’ve accepted moving in slow motion ever since I went on disability 10 years ago. If I feel like I’m in quicksand, I flip over, spread out on the surface and float on my back, wiggling my fingers until I encounter something solid and then I hold on tight to pull myself out. Sometimes it takes a while to get out of the quicksand. So grab onto what’s important, and fuck the rest. Who cares if I didn’t shower until right before bed, as long as I do it once a day, I’m doing great! If I didn’t brush my teeth until after my last snack, because I’m snacking all day during this crisis. And nobody cares about the lack of organization in your life unless it interferes with the necessary stuff like eating, sleeping, keeping your yourself from curling up in a ball on the floor. So whatever helps you to cope for as long as this pandemic lasts, is all that matters. Love and gratitude to you and all your fans, even the cranky ones, in fact, especially the cranky ones! They need our love the most! I’m sending you all big, soft angel wings of love-hugs to help you all get through the next moment or two until you feel able to spread your wings again.
Dear Jenny,
I love your books and blog. I need your help. I am a clinical nutritionist and I’ve discovered that vitamin D may be able to boost our immune systems so that we will not get the virus. Unfortunately, not enough people know about this. If you would be so kind as to write about this information or to link to vitamindsociety.org I would be very grateful. Let me know if you have any further questions. Sincerely, Laurie Amato, Ph.D.
Your drawing is absolutely amazing! I love the image as well as the words! 💕
that is an all the time email world for me. writing is exhausting. touch it one time? that is wizadry. my husband is close to that as well.
you actually write to us – that is magic as well. and it is enough.
I completely understand. It seems like I have those days everyday now. I’m going for a walk with my dogs later to hopefully help. Chin up my lovely blogess. You make the days for some of us better with your blog, your book club and your wonderful stories
Wait, we’re allowed to not answer email?! Lol! The other side of that coin, and how some people handle things differently, is a colleague of mine who’s sending and replying to emails up to midnight every night because her stress is telling her that she’s going to forget something important and she’s having nightmares. I let her know I’m here to support her and help her any way I can, which will be much easier now that I don’t have to answer all those damn emails!
I call it the Covid-19 Fatigue. I’m tired of the whole thing, what’s the point in anything, why make plans, etc. Some days are better than others. I hope it sparks some creativity in me, but so far no. Hope you get that email answered.
“who doesn’t have the energy to fucking email?”
ME. THAT’S WHO, VICTOR. Today I got my inbox down from 26 to 11, starting at least eight with “sorry about the late response, but…” and deciding the rest didn’t really need answering…
Jenny, I so look forward to reading your blogs! I am just getting over a 3-day flu scare, and am starting to feel better. Reading your posts, loving the coloring pictures, and reading all the wonderful posts of our community is relaxing to me. I feel less alone when I check in with you, and everyone on here. Thank you for all that you do for us Jenny! I am throwing an imaginary rope to pull you back on to a beautiful, sweet smelling garden, that will bring you peace and happiness. Love you😊
You’re absolutely not alone in that, Jenny! I completely relate, that is totally me. Emails, voicemails, letters, to-do list items, Facebook replies, so many things I look at & save for later, over & over again, bc I don’t have the emotional energy to respond to them, & also bc I have a fear of messing things up so put them off til I feel like I have the strength to do whatever it is well enough.
I think it’s an anxiety & depression thing. Show Victor all these comments so he understands it better & knows it’s not just u 🙂
This explains exactly how I’ve been feeling.Thank you.
Oh I am married to a Victor who finds my behavior extremely frustrating. Thank you for giving me a laugh. It feels like my sense of humor is social distancing
Living with a Victor is exhausting. I have one, too. Can’t help loving him despite his zippy and efficient nature.
I mark things unread all the time so I remember to get back to them later too. I’ve just gotten worse at it with the pandemic. It must be something to do with how our minds work.
“There is a lot of dark but the candle knows it has been given light that no darkness can stand against.” — Adela Rogers St. Johns in “Some Are Born Great”
Right there with you. In these times so many distant friends are reaching out just to say, “how are you holding up?” I’m on a 2 month long hiatus from Facebook and can’t bring myself to even respond to messages piling up. I wonder why am I like that?
Yes, these are hard times. I’ve felt the gloomy days as well. But, knowing we are gonna get through this, together, is what keeps me going. I’ve taken this time to get to know myself on a deeper level, as well as learn to take time for myself. My family seems happier knowing I am not on edge and constantly worrying about “what’s going on out there”.. Keep your head up and please know that you are not alone in this.
You have so many talents! And I do that often with emails…it’s all good.
I like the term “quicksand days”. I’ve always said that I feel like I’m underwater on these days- everything moves so slowly and things seem muted and a bit farther away. Struggling a bit more today after reading that obesity is a big risk factor for serious complications with this damned virus. I already felt awful about my weight but this just adds guilt that I’ve put myself at risk, and possibly set up my family to have to deal with a bad situation for me. You are a light in my occasional darkness, Jenny. Thank you for all you do, and here’s hoping we all come up to the surface and out of the quicksand soon.
Yes! I was just complaining that I shouldn’t be this tired. I’m not really tired, just… yes. Moving through quicksand. This is perfect. Here with you!
With everything going on, it definitely feels like time is whooshing past at a hyperdrive-like pace.
Quicksand, i think im so far under i will never escape. I dont want to die, i just want to ceases to exist. Today, i may be lossing my job due to not functioning well enough during all this. Im just so frightened. I cant afford to lose my job, but i dont know if i can continue to try and “fake happy” anymore, its all i can do just to get out of bed . Thank you Jenny for helping me to know im notmthe only one who thinks and feels things differently than normal people. I cant stop the thoughts if i lose my job, how will we make it? How will i hold my head up? Whom would ever want to hire i middle age overly emotional woman.. No one! Im even going to have to color my silver hair, cause no one wanhts to hire a gray haired woman. Nowma man would look distinguished. Women just look old.
quicksand indeed. i have recovered from covid. but from the end of march until a few days ago, i fought quicksand like i can’t express. i am grateful, i didn’t end up in a hospital. it was SO weird. it was like being drugged but not in a fun way. everyone is different but an emerging trend is the first week is headache with fog. (so you don’t think it’s covid). then the fevers arrive as my taste and smell vanished overnight. nights were like horror movies. but, as a MDD patient, i was SO lucky to have my meds. i took extra everything; extra trazadone when the rigors were out of control. extra klonopin when you feel like the grim reaper has come for you. that wasn’t a thought, it was incredibly real. as someone who has struggled with “ideations”, suddenly you realize you do NOT want to die and you want the demon to go away. fear. so many, many tears. and i did it all alone. my pup maddie never left my side. she is why i survived. but now i’m better and i promised God i would always be grateful and happy. but i’m sad again. i feel guilty for feeling sad. i live alone and i did it alone. so for everyone out there who has family and friends to talk to, be thankful. because some people are REALLY alone and when you have covid and you’re alone, it’s darker than any darkest you’re very experienced. so be happy if you can. because it if comes, it’s scary.
All the emails, all the time, all the years, forever and ever