Horror and pigs

in Random Crap

Hello! I had a shitastic mental health day yesterday and sort of fell into a lot of self-hatred but today I feel a bit better and hopefully you do too. If not, know that this will pass. Keep breathing.

I can’t remember if I took my ADD meds this morning but I suspect I didn’t so I blame that for this very random blog post that sort of goes together and sort of doesn’t.

SO. My friend Laura (of Beyonce fame) had this uncle (PJ Allen) who was a parade float maker 50+ years ago and years ago they auctioned off the ridiculous stuff in his giant barn and that’s how I ended up with a life sized Marie Antionette and a giant portrait of Martha Washington and bird cages and baby carriages and boxes and boxes of crumbling crepe paper flowers and this pig:

It’s about 4 feet tall and I assumed it held something and also it was wired for sound at one time which makes me wish PJ Allen was still alive because I really want to know what the pig was screaming at people as it paraded down the street. When I originally bought it I thought I’d put a chef hat on it and put it in the kitchen but it was filled with wasp nests and I am lazy so instead it just lived in the garage.

BUT! Then the plague came and I was bored so I decided to do a pig makeover because I thought this pig should probably live at Nowhere Bookshop. And after many hours of elbow grease and strange looks from my neighbors, she is done.

Victor and Hailey think it looks weird because the eyes are too small so I may have to fix those but I texted a picture to Elizabeth (illustrious manager of Nowhere) to see where everyone else stood on pig eyeballs and she was like, “Huh. It’s a little creepy, don’t you think?” And I was like, “WHO EVER HEARD OF A CREEPY PIG, ELIZABETH? Oh, except for the demon pig in Amityville Horror. Omg. We have a name. Jody the Amityville pig. WE ARE A GREAT TEAM.” She hasn’t responded to me yet but probably just because she’s so overwhelmed with how well we work together.

Also, Jody is too heavy to pull in and out of the shop every day so probably she’ll live in the back hallway next to the bathrooms so she can keep you company while you wait to pee and tell you what author is coming to visit next. But I’m still not sure about the eyes.

Anyway, speaking of horror, this month The Fantastic Strangeling Bookclub is reading Catherine House which we’ll discuss probably next week so you have time to sink into the weirdness of it, but we also did an optional book for anyone who wanted an extra distraction and I finally feel good enough to discuss so let’s do that today, okay?

The optional book was HORRORSTÖR by Grady Hendrix and for me it was the perfect distraction. Funny, witty, scary. It seems counterintuitive to love horror when you have an anxiety disorder but I think the great thing about supernatural horror is that you can exercise your fear on something you don’t actually have to worry is going to happen to you. Unless you work at a haunted Ikea knock-off, I guess.

You can go to the Fantastic Strangelings Book Club page on Facebook to discuss, or if you hate Facebook you can leave your thoughts here in the comments. Also, even if you haven’t read the book, let me know what you think about Jody. Should the eyes be bigger? Is she creepy? If so, should I put her inside one of the bathrooms so that she makes people pee faster and there are never any lines?

PS. The folks are wordpress are helping me with a little revamp and that means that my blog might load weird for a few days while we fix things. Like, right now the first 7 comments on each blog post are sort of covered by sidebar stuff so I’m going to fill those 7 comments with random trivia so that you can skip them if you can’t read them or read them and be smarter if you can.

EVERYONE WINS!

224 thoughts on “Horror and pigs”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Random trivia 1: Betty White was born in 1922. Sliced bread was first sold in 1928. Therefore Betty White is older than sliced bread.

  8. Random trivia 6: In Ancient Rome some people believed that if they drank warm, fresh blood from a recently dead Gladiator they would absorb their power.

  9. I think Jody the Amityville Pig looks very friendly. If the eyes were bigger, she would be scarier

  10. Random trivia 7: In the 1960’s the skeletons on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland were real skeletons bought from the UCLA medical department.

  11. I think eyes are fine. Now you could make ’em bigger to go for the innocence look, or squintier to make it creepier…

  13. I think Jody’s eyes are great and she’s the “waiting awkwardly for the bathroom” companion we all need in our lives right now. Question- if you’re rehabbing a pig, do you use elbow grease or bacon grease?

  15. OMG the pig is EPIC & her eyes are perfect. She might need some eyelashes… like actual sticky-outty kind of lashes glued on.

  16. I love Jody the Amityville Pig. I actually thought she was way creepier before you cleaned her up. I don’t find her creepy now at all, just a lovable piggy with the perfect size eyes.

  18. Husband and I think the eyes look fine..but that is just from the picture…

  19. Piggy’s eyes are perfect, here’s a pic of my friend’s pic, who is a riot and sometimes lives in the house. All 200 pounds of him.

  21. Jody is definitely not creepy. Love the idea of putting her on wheels. I think she needs a pinwheel, like the pig in the commercials!

  22. I don’t think she’s creepy and her eyes are just fine. No eye-shaming, please! But yes, please put her in the bathroom so people will have someone to talk to while they pee.

  24. Okay, here there be spoilers:

    My thoughts…

    I loved HORRORSTÖR. The creativity of having the book look like a catalog was :chef’s kiss: and the names of the products were so fantastic. Sploog loveseat. The Arsle. So good.

    Also loved the idea of the cult of the prison as it relates to the cult of capitalism and retail hypnotism. The zombie employees on the first page as foreshadowing to the zombie prisoners.

    Basil was my favorite character but personally I’m totally a Ruth Ann and her ending was fucking terrifying. Also, when dead Carl said, “The doors are open”? Chills.

    I think my favorite part though was the end. Instead of the survivors being damaged husks they were in many ways better than they were before. This line from Amy, I loved. “Everyone keeps telling me it’s all over, that it’s back to normal, but I don’t want to go back to normal. I don’t like the person I used to be. I want to keep being the person I was that night.” There was something cathartic in that. A reminder that even when we go through nightmares it has the power to make us better. I don’t know….I just felt like I needed to read that right then.

  25. I thought my computer was telling me to clear its caches. Glad to know it’s just a revamp.

    Jody’s eyes are perfect. The phrase “In a pig’s eye” means “small chance” because pigs’ eyes are small in proportion to their skull. And doesn’t Harry think of Dudley as having “little piggy eyes?”

  26. Does Jody have nostrils? I feel like it is important for pigs to have nostrils. I like the idea of eyelashes too.

  27. Also, my neighbor has a pig named Stewart who can do tricks like a dog. Please train Jody accordingly. Don’t let her be pig-headed about learning to shake hoof.

  28. I think Jody is perfect, and she needs to live by the front door to welcome people! I agree with linden333 about the wheels.

  29. not great mentally, school is out today and it was the only contact i had with the outside. now it is just us in the house alone forever.

  30. The eyes are appropriately sized for a pig but I agree that nostrils and eyelashes would be an excellent addition.

  32. I think she’s amazing now Jenny! Put wheels and giant eyelashes on her and she’ll be perfect! Her before pic is way scarier. I thought she was a pissed off psycho rabbit.

  33. I think the eyes look good as is. Any bigger and Jody would just look creepy. Or you could go full-on Manga with her eyes.

  34. Eyes are NOT creepy. They are also not too small. Look at real pigs. They have small eyes relative to their bodies.
    Main thing is you did a great job on revamping the pig and it looks good. I love it.

  36. I agree, I think it’s maybe the nostrils that are missing. I think the eyes are perfect. It’s the way she was born and that isn’t something you should mess with.

  37. I think the eyes are just fine! Unless you are going for the Japanese anime look, real pigs have small, beady eyes, so they look good the way they are.

  38. I think we need to see a picture of Jody from the front, in order to give you an accurate response. From the side she looks fine, but I do notice there is a sizable difference from her initial eye look (size and shape) compared to her final form. Her initial eye size seems to have fit her prior to her makeover, so they may be a bit small for her now. Again, I think we need a front view of her and maybe even a side by side comparison of her facing forward.

  39. Random trivia 2: Humans share 50% of their DNA with bananas.

    That explains an awful lot!

  41. Love the pig. Putting it on wheels is great but you might get the wheels with brakes so Jody doesn’t suddenly roll across the floor from the bathrooms and scare the sh*t out of some poor unsuspecting customer who just wants to empty their bladder but now it’s too late and one of your staff members will have to clean up that mess!
    Also done with first chapter of Catherine House. Trying not to keep reading it all day and night and am making myself take breaks to shower and eat and be civilized.

  43. The eye looks fine from the angle in the photo; not sure about seeing Jody straight on.

  44. Eyes are great – but those ears….. is it some sort of Pigalope? A Ponky?

  45. Omg she looks like a totally different pig after that makeover! I love it! When I saw the first picture I thought ‘aww cute little piggie’ but then I kept reading and HOLY COW she’s 4 feet tall?! Wow. And goodness, Elizabeth does know who you are right? A ‘little creepy’ pig in your bookstore sounds absolutely perfect for you (and your tribe)!

  48. I agree with Crystal, we need a picture of Jody from the front to get a better idea of if the eyes are creepy. Overall, she looks amazing after her makeover…she’s kind of creepy in that first picture. I think she’d be great at the front door if you could find a way to put her on wheels, but by the bathroom is pretty great too! Great job on the makeover.

    A note about the blog display – accessing from my desktop, everything appears the same. The only time I had issues was trying to open on my iPhone. 🙂

  49. Okay, this is what I think: Since Jody The Pig is already wired for sound, they could def let the people going to the washroom know about events, etc. I mean, if you’re gonna mess with people, like by having a freakish pig in a dimly lit hallway, you wanna really go for it.

  50. I like the eyes – they look realistically sized. Also I think Jody needs to stand next to the bar and hold info about specials.

  51. I saw Betty White in person in an Airport lounge in DC during a layover, all thanks to me insisting on using the elevator because my back hurt, because apparently they don’t have safety standards in Brazil to mark tiny steps outside of restaurants that serve very strong caipirinhas.

  53. I think you nailed the eyes. (Oooh, not the best visuals go with that!)What I mean is, I think they’re proportionate for a pig… They have small eyes, after all. This fits.

  55. I think Jody should be remote controlled so you can make her follow customers around 😈

  56. I think the eyes look fine, but you can add detail if people think it’s creepy. Add eyelashes and maybe eyebrows? And having the inside of her mouth silver is a little weird, plus she has no nostrils. There’s more to explore there! And if you don’t like it, paint over it again. 🙂

  58. I think she is not creepy and the eyes are fine. I would throw on some fake eyelashes and go with it!

  59. As it has been pointed out, pigs do have small little piggy eyes! Tell Victor and Hailey they have been regrettably influenced by Disney.

  61. I don’t think the piggy looks demonic. . . I think she looks delightful, and someone I’d love the have my picture taken with. I love her, and I can’t wait to come visit sometime!

  62. I think you should paint sets of eyes you could switch out on how your feeling that day. Big wide innocent eyes, beady creepy eyes, blackout zombie eyes…

  63. The eyes are perfect, and it’s not at all creepy. All in all, a rather wholesome pig!

    I’m also a huge horror fan with an anxiety disorder. I stay away from certain films that I know will freak me out, but books? Bring it on!

  64. I like the eyes that size, but in photos it’s always hard to tell!!

  65. o.k. I like the pig’s eyes…they are disturbing, and I like that. Having a self hate day, but like you said this to shall pass. I love the pig. Today I feel as old as Betty.

  66. In this picture Jody’s eye looks OK. But yes, a straight on photo of Jody’s face where we could see both eyes might be helpful.

  68. Jody is PERFECT! Please don’t change a thing. Also, I love the silver upgrade. Great idea!

  69. I skipped a bunch of comments today because I’m behind in the monthly readings and there was a spoiler alert. I love this club because pre-children I read for fun all the time and this club reminds me that my three favorite hobbies are laughing, napping AND READING!!! Plus it gives me ideas about what to read and send them right to my door! I think Jody is phenomenal. Silver is inspired.
    I have trivia too.
    Did you know that the anti-seizure/anti-manic/anti-migraine medicine Depakote has as a side effect that it causes perfect pitch in some people?

  71. Eyelashes, chef’s hat, Gordon Hamsy. (Seconding the comment above)

    Eyes look fine from here, but I do have an eye doc appointment tomorrow so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

  75. Random trivia 1: Betty White was born in 1922. Sliced bread was first sold in 1928. Therefore Betty White is older than sliced bread.

    In other words, sliced bread is the best thing since Betty White.

  76. I like her new eyes better than the old cross-eyed look. Her eyes look more like pig eyes now.

  78. Love the pig. It reminds of the the famous Three Little Pigs. This is the one who built a bookstore and didn’t get eaten by the Big Bad Wolf.

  79. I think Jody looks cute! I’d happily wait in line with her. Someone mentioned eyelashes. She definitely needs eyelashes.

  80. Honestly, the eyes before looked weird and creepy and I’m pretty sure that pig wanted to kill me. Your new eyes make it look friendly and nice!

  81. The eyes are totally fine! If people are finding her creepy, maybe up the whimsy factor a bit with a hat or tiara or something awesome. Maybe she just needs to have a bird sitting on her head… Pigs with bird friends are more like fairy tale princesses than forces of evil, right?

  83. I have no problem with her eyes as they are, but you could give her some giant flirty fake eyelashes.

  85. I think the eyes look perfect! So sorry you’ve had a rough few days and I hope you have told your brain that that’s enough for this week. xx

  86. The re-vamp of the pig makes her look alert but friendly. The original paint job, made the pig look very scary.

  87. The original looked crossword to me. That was an interesting look.

  90. I think Jodie looks like a space pig… Pigs in Space!!!! Oh, wait – that was Miss Piggy. Nevermind!! I like her!

  91. Omg I love Jody. Her eyes are perfect and I wish she could be outside to greet people

  92. Ummm….the pig is adorable! I dont see the creepy. Is there a different angle?

  93. Ummm….the pig is adorable! I dont see the creepy. Is there a different angle?

  94. Jody looks just fine the way she is… I like the wheels idea no one should be stuck in the bathroom everyday.

  95. Pigs don’t have very big eyes as it is. I think Jody is great!

  97. The eyes are perfect! They need garish drag queen eyelashes, though. And put her on wheels! And put a Bluetooth speaker inside & play nonsense music!

  98. I think Jody just needs eyelashes and some nostrils, and wheels because she is a glamorous piggy who needs to welcome folks into the store!

  99. Jody is adorable! Well done! I have never seen a pig with big eyes…THAT would be creepy!

  100. Charlotte (the spider in Charlotte’s Web” could make a little web around him. He should be name Wilbur as was the pig in Charlotte’s Web. And definitely no restaurants any where near the book store that serve ham sandwiches. I think he looks great, but could use some wheels so he could move from sty to sty.

  101. I like Jody’s eyes, and agree that she needs a little cart or dolly or wheels of some kind so she can be outside!!!

  102. It’s hard to judge creepiness because the first photo (original paint) she looks cross-eyed, where as the gussied-up version of Jody the Amityville Pig is a 3/4 view. Her eyes and the rest of her paint job look lovely in the photo and not at all creepy. I haven’t read Horrorstor, so I can’t comment on that part. I’m still trying to finish Wow, No Thank You so I can watch the interview and then start Catherine House! More photos are in order before creepiness can be fully judged.

  105. Jody’s eyes are not too small but she needs curly, flirty eyelashes and perhaps some winged eyeliner.

  106. I love it! Maybe just inside the door with your daily/monthly specials on it!

  107. I love her. She looks like she’s flirting but she has a knife and will cut a bitch.

  108. If Jody had roller skates, she’d be easier to move around the shop. Just saying.

  110. I agree Jody needs lashes! Definitely put her on wheels or a platform with wheels. They have them for really big plants, should work for her.
    Another thought, dress Jody for different events and seasons! Imagine Halloween! Author appearances! Talk like a Pirate Day!
    So much fun!

  111. Love her! But also, some coquettish little eyelashes would be amazing, too.

  112. JODY IS AWESOME AND I CAN’T WAIT TO MEET HER.

    Also, thank you for being open about the overall mental crappiness going on. My brain hates me more every day, but it helps to know I’m not the only one struggling. Hugs!!

  113. Pigs actually have pretty small eyes. I mean, when someone has large eyes they are called “doe-eyed,” or ‘calf-eyed,” but very seldom “pig-eyed,” right. Anyway they look fine to me, for what it’s worth…

  114. The eyes on the pig are perfect in my opinion. 🙂 Although eye lashes might be nice. I had a ‘spell’ in my life where I was making ceramic animal dolls and one of them was a pig. She was dressed in black lace dress over a red underdress and looked kind of like a saloon madam. She got named “Portia; a pig with a past”.

  115. I think the old eyes were scarier too, so I love her as she is! Maybe with a pink nose, but pink nose optional. And I hope WordPress keeps glitching so we can keep having odd fact comments. And I totally hope you rewire Jody for sound so she can literally tell me the upcoming authors and other fun stuff while I’m waiting to pee…

  116. My favourite stories of yours are the ones where to understand the references in that story, you must click links to other stories where you must click links to other stories, etc, etc, etc.! It is like a trip down memory lane and a scavenger hunt all rolled up in a well-loved ribbon.

  117. I did not love Horrorstor – although, I did enjoy the progressively more horrifying product descriptions. I thought that was kind of hilarious. Basil was my favorite character too, but I think I didn’t love it because Amy was really a shallow character. I think the author intended her to be deep but couldn’t quite get the right perspective, maybe? I found myself analyzing the character and the author as I was reading, and that takes me out of the story and is distracting. But the concept was great and the side characters were kinda perfect. Ruth Anne was the most likeable and I was sad at her arc. Sweetest, most supportive to loneliest to dragged off (I’ll pretend she’s not dead) was very moving. The Greek mythology references were well incorporated, and I also liked the ending. (Not so much the denoument, as it was also shallow. But the ending was perfect.)

  118. I think Jody is great just the way she is and will be a very helpful bathroom companion.

  119. I love Jody the Amityville Pig’s eyes just the way they are. Those are the eyes of a pig who will listen to you and then recommend the perfect book. I fear that anyone who thinks her eyes need to be larger have watched too many Porky Pig cartoons.

  120. Incredible work on Jody! I think the eyes are fine the way they are and she could be a perfect bathroom attendant (aka horror pig ready to scare you out of the bathroom if you’re taking too long.)

  121. I think the pig looked creepy before but not now. The eyes are fine. I have a cat statue that is about 3 feet. It was a cross between egyptaion and folk art. My kids hated it always said it creeped them out. So it got a little banged up after 20 years and I spray painted it with a stone finish paint and the kids complained because I painted creepy cat. I guess it was part of their child hood.

  122. I think Jody is adorable just the way she is…do not change a thing!❤️

  123. Jody is so adorable and I wish I owned her. Her eyes don’t look creepy at all in the photo.

  127. That pig might need some lipstick, just so you can admit to having done it. Although my first thought was scarf and aviator goggles.

  128. I think your random trivia is awesome and made my cry worthy first day of work somewhat better. Thank you! Jody is adorable, but would be more so with the eyelashes, I agree.

  129. What to do about the eyes are too small… So, originally the pig had cross eyes, that made the eyes look bigger. Go back to cross-eyed pig and walla! Eyes are OK
    But why would they be like that? Because she has a bug on her nose, or a fairy, or a demon. Ya could do a kinda creepy Charlotte’s web deal where she has a spider on her nose! I really like that idea. Maybe a spider with LOTSA eyes looking at her with a reflection in them. But I’m probably going too far with this idea. I mean you could go with a dapper mouse holding a cuppa tea on her nose. So many possibilities and only ONE pig nose!

  130. WAIT a MINUTE, what happened to the giant gun you showed us when you acquired the pig?? Please tell me you have that! I guess it’s rather too big to point and the pig so tiny in comparison and someone would get all PETA on you, nvrmd. I do hope you’ll consider the above suggestions. I know you have some perfectly creepy or happy ‘being’ that would transform her to silly or creepy

    (What did happen to that gun?? For real, I have no clue where it is or the life sized fairy. HOW DID I MISPLACE THESE?? ~ Jenny)

  131. Pingback: Horror and pigs - Earn 8 Magazine

  132. Pigs have small eyes; Disney princesses have enormous abnormally disproportionate eyes. I don’t know about their eyelashes
    \

  134. The pig is adorable and I love the makeover. The original pig was a teensy bit creepy but with the lovely silver she looks GREAT. And the eyes are good–have you looked at real pigs? They have little eyes. I might have to plan a trip to San Antonio just to see this shop. Also to stalk Rudi from Listen to Your Heart, the latest Bachelor spinoff series. You need to look up @It’sJustRudi on instagram. She is your neighbor and MAN CAN SHE SING and she is, I believe, one of our tribe. Look her up. You will thank me.

  135. OK, Jody needs wheels and eyelashes!! Otherwise she is perfect!! Oh OK nostrils 🙂 Love her.

  136. Loved the random trivia facts so much. I would like a book of those from you.

  137. Well, y’know, now that she’s been repainted she actually looks quite cheerful!
    And if folks think the eyes are creepy, just put a pair of sunglasses on her~!

  141. The original eyes were scary and satanic. Your version is friendly and childlike. I don’t think they are too small. I think you did great. I read a suggestion about wheels — maybe little coasters under her butt that wouldn’t be visible? You tilt her back and roll her around? A pig like that should be able to go anywhere she’s needed. Also the first 7 replies were not obscured (which is good since your fans are too quick for you and got some in in the middle of your trivia entries) but you have a slight right margin problem. For instance, on my screen at least, the R is missing from the end of better at the end of the first line of this entry. I hope it all gets worked out.

  142. I always thought that pigs had little piggy eyes, so, who needs big pig eyes?

  143. I, too, am on team “eyes are fine”. Also, nostrils, eyelashes, and wheels sound like great additions to Jody the Amityville Pig. Blessings to you for writing such witty posts. It means a lot for me to look forward to reading whatever delightful subject you chose.

  144. Reading through comments interspersed with the random trivia facts and I genuinely thought “Betty White is better than sliced bread” was one of the facts because it is undisputably true.

    I am also team eyes are fine

  145. I think you should hook up the audio and use Jody for the in-bookstore announcements. 🙂

  146. Seriously I LOVE Jody the Horror Pig. 😀 And also, if you look at a real pig, their eyes are ridiculously small in comparison to their faces anyway. I think there must have been something in the air yesterday because I forgot to take my antianxiety/antidepressant meds and I spent the entire day being pissed off and then crying for an hour yesterday afternoon because I was so frustrated and angry.

    I was trying to keep up with the Strangelings Book Club, but then I decided to read ALL of the Vampire Chronicles books by Anne Rice and I’ve only got until the end of August to do it, so I’ll have to catch back up with y’all in the fall. 😀

  147. I like the eyes, I think it’s cute.

    I too have an anxiety disorder and love murder mystery dateline type shows for the exact same reason you read horror. It’s kinda weird I guess. Horror actually does scare me. I read the shining once and about died from fear. So scary. But I can read true crime and I’m totally ok.

  149. Please can you paint the eyes pink? Then it will indeed be a creepy pig lurking in the hallway.

  150. The eyes are a realistic size for a pig. It’s not the eyes, it’s the ears. They seem kinda pointy and bat like. Pigs have big ears for sure but they’re more rounded, like satellite dishes. Vampire piggy – Porcula. 🙂

  151. Nostrils on the pig. She can’t breathe and that is creepy. Eye size looks fine.

  152. I think Jody’s eyes look just fine and she looks cute and friendly. Maybe it’s the angle, though? Perhaps post a few more photos?

  153. I think Jody looks friendly. Her previous expression was creepy. Also cross-eyed.

  154. Pretty sure actual pigs have teeny eyes (I’ll Google it in a bit), since shady people in books are sometimes described as having “piggy” eyes. So, thinking that doesn’t indicate that they have large, lustrous eyes. js

  155. I like Jody. Who could be upset with a silver critter like her? Silver dragons were good&righteous dragons in D&D. Oh man now I’m picturing her with wings. Or sparkles.

  156. Anonymous #29 above – Maybe we can get Jenny to set up an old-school chat-room for Nowhere fans. “We’re all self-isolating so I’m going Nowhere” …it’s got a ring to it. I’d talk to you.

  157. You did an excellent job on the pig. The eyes look fine in the picture. A book shop should have strange things about it. All part of getting lost in a story.

  158. I’m worried about myself bc as hard as I try, I can’t see the pig as creepy. Have I officially gone off the deep end???

  159. Random Trivia #3 – ‘Humpty Dumpty’ was a cannon, on the walls of Colchester Castle during the English civil war. It was the largest one ever built (at that time, I assume), and its first firing was so violent it collapsed the tower it was sitting on, allowing the Parliamentarians to flood in, taking the castle. Humpty Dumpty was smashed so badly that all the King’s horses and men couldn’t put him together again!

  161. At first I thought, “Oh wow, that makeover is great! Cute pig now.” Then I looked for real and saw that Horror Pig is just waiting under the new paint…

  162. Her eyes are perfect. Any bigger and she would be a Disney princess… She does need nostrils, however.

  163. I agree with Cher. Put a chef’s hat on the piggy, put him in the cafe area with notes about what’s available and call him Gordon Hamsay!!!

  164. JUDY, JUDY, JUDY!!!
    She looks awesome!!! I thing she would be a wonderful welcome to the Nowhere Bookshop!! Her eyes are fine, I think.
    BTW- I’m a dental hygienist, went back to work Tues, having some Crappy mental health days as well. IT does make me feel better, I’m not the only one.
    -suzy-

  167. Love Jody. She feels like a glam rocker to me. My thoughts are that I feel she needs a bit of lippy to balance her eyes. (also because lipstick on a pig, HA!) The previous coloring created a triangle o color in the face giving expression to her eyes. Also, I feel that she needs a bit of SPARKLE and I think a coat of HOLO TACO might be just the ticket maybe even just on her belly?? Perhaps a bit of disco coloration to evoke teh white duke in his heyday? MAYBE blue eyeshadow? Maybe listen to some Ziggy Stardust for inspo? Call her Jody Stardust? Piggy Stardust?

  168. Hope you’re feeling better today… yesterday was indeed rather shitastic. Maybe it was a cosmic thing. In any case, I hope today is more kind.

    And the pig is great. What better way to be greeted when you enter any place? (There is no better way.)

  169. How about a hat and wrap wardrobe to fit the seasons/holidays/special events? I think that would be fun. Eyes, lashes, piggy nose, wheels, I agree. I also think she shouldn’t be sent to stand around the bathrooms, that part seems a bit creepy.

    As for the book, I’m reading The Southern Book Club’s Guide To Slaying Vampires by Grady Hendrix. Just started it last night and so far, so good. I’m not an official Strangeling but am following along a bit. If I like this book and author, I’ll read the others. He’s new to me but I like this kind of writing. Have any of you read Charles de Lint books? They are really hard to find but I find them to be wonderful, urban fantasy.

  170. Horror Pig. Great band name. Also, I would put eye shadow, fake lashes, and lipstick on Jody. And maybe a pair of overalls.

  171. 1) Don’t mess with perfection. The pig’s eyes are perfect.
    2) Do you have enough stalls to stick her in one? (SurPRISE!)
    3) Humans are more closely related to chimpanzees than African elephants are to Asian elephants.

  172. I like Jody 2.0. Her in the original version was not all that great, but you did a good job with her makeover. I agree with others, put her on wheels so she can “pop” up in various places in your store. Loved the random trivia…Betty White is older than sliced bread!! LOL

  173. I have a suspicion why to some the eyes look creepy. The black oval is on the wrong side. Jody has reptile eyes. Put a colored line vertically in the middle and you will see it. If you switch the oval to horizontal and make it rounder it will be more pig like. But why change it? She’s perfect that way. Let people feel a little odd when they see Jody. It may make their day. You are a really, really, really good artist. However, I can’t help but imagine Jody with a slightly greenish vertical line in her eyes. LOL. And thank you for the fun trivia.

  175. How about giving Jody some reading glasses, perhaps some pince nez?

  176. Hi – Jody here. Not that Jody. A non-pig Jody. Reading these comments made me feel both extremely face-conscious, but also strangely…good? *goes to find wheels*

  177. Human eyes on an animal is always a bit surreal, not that that is a bad thing. Maybe more Disney, or Looney tunes? OR ANIME? Maybe Upholster a furniture dolly so it looks like a cushion and add some heavy fringe to carry her in and out of the store, and then maybe she needs a painted parasol for when it’s sunny?

  178. I was actually thinking you had made such an improvement on the eyes and how cute the pig was. Not at all creepy.

  179. If you look at real pigs, their eyes are very small. Jody’s eyes are huge by comparison. I think she looks perfect.

  180. Jody is perfect. All the strange stuff in your house and the pig creeps your family out! 😂

  181. I love, love, love all the comments and suggestions everybody had about Jody. Eyelashes, nostrils, wheels, she’s less creepy than before but it just might be the angle of the photo, lipstick on a pig but only when she feels like dressing up. Maybe a tulle tutu for festive days? Wheel Jody around to various areas of the store depending on what she’s promoting that day. And since she’s wired for sound, she could be given a voice?
    Yesterday I went downstairs to open the door for a package and one of my neighbors who is walking a dog I haven’t seen before stopped to chat. I’m afraid I talked her poor ears off. This social isolation is making me miss people so much, it’s pushing my introvert side away. Then my other neighbor’s grandson and daughter came by to do some gardening on our part of the condo lawn. All the neighbors on this side of the building hung out on our balconies and watched. You know you’re missing normal human interaction when you’re willing to gladly spend a half hour watching a young person with a weed walker cleaning up the edges of the lawn.
    Yesterday felt extra lonely for some reason.

  182. Oh my goodness you make me smile 🙂 And yes please add the lashes, I had extensions and loved them I think Jody will too!! The virus made me loose them and whatever, who cares now, I can be happy if Jody gets them!!

  183. Jody’s original eyes were definitely creepy. They are much friendlier now. Jody will be a great addition to Nowhere.

    If you are into supernatural horror, check out Christopher Buehlman’s Those Across the River (https://bookshop.org/books/those-across-the-river/9780593198056), or any of his books. Talk about creepy! He has also had a long career as Christophe the Insultor at Renaissance faires across the country and is now doing FB livestream insult events (under Christophe the Insultor) where you can pay to have him insult the person of your choice. His insults are hilarious. (Full disclosure: Chris and I were co-editors of our high school literary magazine. He has been writing creepy things since then. He’s also a good artist.)

  184. I think the pig is perfect as is. In real life, a pig’s eyes are small in proportion to its face – that’s why the adjective is “doe-eyed” and not “pig-eyed”. Please leave Jody’s eyes be! 🙂

  185. I strongly endorse doing stick-on template eyes before painting/repainting anything (use paper and pen, then poster-putty your Eye Plan in place on the pig).

    (or: you could glue a thin magnet to each eye and swap out pig eyes at your convenience (surprised pig! happy pig! evil pig!). Or install tiny motors so that the pig eyes could shift/rotate randomly and completely freak people out, but that wouldn’t be very *nice* I suppose.)

  186. The eyes look great, though I do like the idea of ever changing eye options. It’s the strong brow bone over the snout that makes her look a little creepy. Maybe some makeup contouring is in order? 🤣

  187. Pigs have small eyes but also have ridiculous fancy eyelashes irl so maybe that would be an easy fix!

  190. The original paint job was creepy, but now her eyes look perfect and not at all creepy. Also, OMG about Random Trivia #7 — so when Toddler Me was taken on that ride, I was RIGHT to be terrified!!

  191. I think Jody looks fantastic. Not creepy at all. She was pretty creepy before you painter her.

  192. Wonderful makeover! She looks much more benevolent in silver. I think the eyes are good as is, not too cartoon-y. She definitely looked Evil before–hopefully that was just the result of an evil curse which your loving care removed forever.

  193. Real pigs have small eyes, so I vote that you leave Jody’s eyes as they are. I like them.

  194. I did not notice anything odd with the pig, but when you mentioned the deal with her eyes I went back and looked closer. The eyes look fine to me.

    But I am crazy so you should consider that also.

  196. “Piggy eyes” means small eyes, so I think you’re safe. Jody’s eyes might be too big.

  198. Love Jody! I think wheels are a good idea. Eye lashes would make her cuter. I didn’t read ALL the comments, but the expression I’ve always heard was “bow tie on a pig” meaning it can’t be dressed up. But you could go further than just a bow tie and REALLY dress her up!
    The eyes look good to me, and I agree with suggestions about the nose holes, but I think if Jody was painted pink, there would be no chance of creepiness. In my mind, cute pigs are always pink! AmIright?

  199. OMG! I just had another idea – put her on a Roomba so she can wander around the bookstore!! How great would that be?

  200. Put my vote in for sticking out eyelashes. Otherwise she’s perfect either out front or as a bathroom buddy.

  201. I was really hoping one of the trivia Bits would be explaining the origin of the phrase “in a pigs eye” but such is my luck this week. I think the size of his eyes are fine. I only know one Jody IRL and he’s a he so all Jody’s are male in my head.

  202. The eyes are perfect. Well done. Please add casters so you can move Jody around with ease. 😁

  203. The pig looks great as in distinctly less creepy after the makeover. The first picture gives a slightly menacing vibe, (by which I mean just a touch demonic.)
    Just goes to show what a little love can do for a rescued piggie.

  205. Freakin’ frakin’, someone beat me to the canon reference.
    But I can tell you the ‘horses’ were the cavalrymen.

  207. Jodie looks fantastic. You should use her in the shop near the checkout, cash register to advertise things….. new books, featured books anything really …. coloured chalk never looked so good…. 😁

  209. Jody’s Eyes: Nothing a couple of False Eyelashes won’t fix up. 🙂

  210. I absolutely love Jody! Her eyes seem perfect to me. I have the right sense of humor to get her, I think, so I suppose that means she’d get me? (As far as inanimate objects can … or is she inanimate really? … ) Just kidding. But she’s a good mascot for the toilet line, and for advertising.

    That made me imagine Mad Men with a talking Jody. It would be a very different show with a talking Jody.

  211. The eyes are cute! The original eyes were kinda crossed and goofy?

  213. Jody’s new eyes are much better than her old ones.
    You did well. That’s enough surgery for her I think

  214. It’s the giant ears that make her eyes look small. She’s fine.

    I’m so happy you have such an excellent relationship with Elizabeth. I kinda wish I were her….

  215. Jody the pig looks great, don’t change a ting, except I think she needs a fancy scarf to wear,and my SO agrees. I have not read Horrorstor yet but this month I read Grady Hendrix’s new book, The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Vampires and it was great! Buffy meets Steel Magnolias great.

  216. They make these awesome things called wheels? Though I don’t know that I’d want to risk that preciousness on the street. 🙂

  217. Horrorstor was a little late to arrive for me, but I read it in a single day. LOVED it. I feel like between this and the vampire book I’ve found my favorite fiction author. Finally! I loved Basil and I really related to Amy as a sarcastic failure-filled human. Yes, I loved the parallels to capitalism and also adored that the book was like a catalog. I really enjoy his more gruesome descriptions – like what happened with Ruth Anne. 5 stars all around! I felt like it should totally be a movie, and I’m ready for a sequel.

  218. I think Jody looks lovely…expecially if you put something like a boa scarf and a wee hat with flowers coming out of it or surrounding the brim or something! I love her!!

  219. Someone else has probably mentioned this already (I didn’t read all gazillion comments) but pigs eyes ARE small, probably because they are surrounded by fat. Hence the expression, piggy eyes.

  223. I think Jody is adorable! She is cute and quirky! Wheels and eyelashes might be fun.

Leave a Reply

MY BOOKS:


shop

Subscribe to the bloggess, y'all.

Enter your email address and receive notifications of new posts by email. It's like I'm stalking you, but more efficient.

Archives

MY INSTAGRAM

Instagram makes suggested reels based on old content and I assume most people have beautiful vacation photos or wedding compilations, but this is what they suggested for me.
Sitting in ihop after graduation and “who’s gonna drive you home” comes over the sound system and now I’m lightly weeping into my pancakes but I’M FINE.
Remember last week when Hailey graduated from kindergarten?
Last high school dance.

ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:

I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:

Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Game Night Kit: All-in-one classic card game kits make the perfect gift, but you’ll want them for yourself, too! Lets skip book club tonight, drink wine & play games instead ~time together is magic!

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Coolest American Stories 2023: If you want a book of unputdownable, unpretentious, full-length short stories, we got ya covered. Our 2022 volume went to a 3rd printing; readers are singing this volume’s praises, too.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Perfectionist Anonymous: Proudly serving unpolished working motherhood, with bipolar depression and hilarity on the side.

Active Voice Productions  made a cool little movie with a role they wanted The Bloggess for but instead got Bonnie Hunt. Seriously. That’s what happened.

Scaredy Cat Travels: Traveling the world with the worst carry-on anxiety.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

The Second: Colleen Burns Durda’s candid memoir about a suburban mom with a side hustle-she’s The Second Coming. Laugh, cry and learn how she copes with her bipolar diagnosis.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

The Family Skeptical Podcast: We’re an atheist couple raising two children – we ask big questions, dissect weird parenting moments, and are jealous that our cats get so much sleep.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: Just read it. Trust me.

%d bloggers like this: