I’ve also learned how to set the stove on fire. True story.

A quarter of a year in and we’re still hiding from the plague in our house and that has meant that I’ve had to learn a number of new skills, including dog grooming, vacuum repair, amateur plumbing, how to turn on a stove and (on two occasions) light firefighting inside the kitchen.

Victor asked me to cut his hair but I don’t anything about hair cutting so I got an electric trimmer and practiced on the dog and I’m pretty sure the terrible job I did on Dorothy Barker should have been a good warning but Victor was desperate so we sat on the porch as I buzzed off inches of hair and I was very grateful that he has super bushy hair because it’s a bit more forgiving but then the wind picked up the clumps of his hair on the ground and out of the corner of my eye it looked exactly like a giant horde of spiders was skittering toward me and I may have screamed and dropped the clippers directly onto Victor’s head and he sort of glared at me but in my defense he is the reason I’m going grey so it’s only fair that I’m the reason he’s temporarily balding on just one side of his head.

And how is your quarantine going?

124 thoughts on “I’ve also learned how to set the stove on fire. True story.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. This is hilarious but I would not have a clue what to do with clippers either…

    As for me, I can’t leave the house by myself anymore, and that was a struggle before this mess, so I can’t imagine how bad the agoraphobia will be if this ever ends.

  2. I’ve been cutting my own hair using mirrors and magic. I also wear a hat except when I’m alone.

  3. Just when I think ‘nah, it cannot get any crazier’ it does. I was on a virtual meeting site participating in a group discussion and one of the participants was having an absolute hissy fit because all of us didn’t have masks on. At home. In our own homes. I rolled my eyes so hard I’m still trying to get them back in focus. Filed under ‘things that make ya go hmmm’. Hang in there….most of us on this site are way more sane than we believe. Peace ☮️

  4. I attempted to cut my husband’s hair one night, on the back porch. Suffice to say that I will not be changing careers anytime soon. However, the funny part is that we had the puppy outside with us, and he found the clumps of buzzed off hair irresistibly tasty. Everything that floated his way, he ate up. About 20 minutes later, he barfed up a giant hairball in his kennel. Good times.

  5. I tried to cut my own bangs! The left side went really well. The right, we don’t talk about.

  6. Going ok, except every time I make one of my once-every-8-days trip to hunt and gather food at the grocer store, partway through the hours-long ordeal, I always convince myself that I have COVID-19, am about to faint, and will infect everyone in the store. It’s very relaxing.

  7. 😂😂😂
    Well, I also had to try this skill on my partner (A woman) and I realised:
    1. It is a real profession and it is more difficult than it looks
    2. I don’t like cutting hair
    3. By the third time I had to cut my partner’s hair, I became more nonchante about the whole thing making mistakes and all so that I am secretly hoping she will stop asking me to do it (to be followed)
    You already have my @ adress

  8. I cut my own bangs! The left side actually looks pretty good. The right, we don’t talk about. … Needless to say, just having half the bangs look good does not work overall. I’ve had my hair in bobby-pins for weeks.

  9. Not as exciting as yours, apparently! I’m getting to be quite the expert with Zoom backgrounds.

  10. Get a Flo-be. They work great. They sound goofy but I got one a year ago and now we’re the people who look like we’ve been going to speakeasy hair salons.

  11. Jenny, I hate to harsh your buzz (ha!), but almost half the year is over.

  12. I said Thank You to an ATM and THEN panicked and turned to also say Thank You to the person waiting to use the ATM. I also said “Have Fun” when dropping off face masks to a co-worker whose house had just burned down. So it’s going great. 🤦

  13. Times I’m happy my husband shaves it all off (his own) due to long ago receding hairline. Mine… well he’s not touching it, that’s what hairbands and barrettes are for….

  14. You know when you watch those apocalyptic movies and/or tv shows and there’s that one man, woman or family that has been alone so long they really aren’t part of mainstream society anymore? That’s how it’s going. I was in a Beyond Bread (like a Panera just good) last Friday only because I desperately needed a rest room. I walked in, and I felt something was off….but I couldn’t quite place it for a minute….ahhhh there it is. I saw a urinal. I was in the men’s restroom. So yeah…basic human-ing is apparently no longer in my tool box.

  15. Fortunately, hubby uses the clippers on his own hair (apparently, I don’t do a very good job).

  16. My boyfriend lit my toaster on fire reheating a giant burrito. So of course I had to marry him.

  17. I think it’s giving me agoraphobia. The few times I’ve been out (and actually gotten out of the car) I have immediately felt like I needed to be back home. Bonus points to my anxiety if other people at whatever location aren’t social distancing and wearing masks. I’m looking at you lady with five kids – all running around bumping into people and touching things in the grocery store and none wearing masks.

  18. I’ve been cutting hair for my husband and son. It is getting easier each time but still takes forever and cleanup sucks! My hair is a different story but the neighbor girl is learning to cut hair at beauty school so she is about to get some business :). We joke – I am the hair salon, my husband is the nail salon, and we need to teach the kid to do massages 🙂

  19. I cut my own hair, but it’s easy because (1) there’s a lot less of it than there used to be and (2) I just take the clippers without any of those cow-catcher things and buzz everything so the longest hair on my head is my eyebrows.

    Forty or so years ago, when I was in the Marines, my ex-wife and I had the brainstorm of saving money by having her cut my hair. She was trying desperately to get the regulation taper right (basically what they call a fade now) and it kept ever so slowly creeping up the sides of my head, as the night got later and later.

    Finally I told her, “I think I can get it – would you hand me the clippers and the hand mirror?” When she did, I ran the clippers straight over the top of my head, forehead to nape of neck, and made a firebreak on my scalp. Then, as she burst into tears, I said, “Okay, you can’t fix that. Now just shave the rest and we can get some damn sleep.”

    Just one of the many reasons we ended up as exes, I suppose.

    P.S. Setting the stove on fire? Way easy – ever pull off a refrigerator fire?

  20. Thanks to you, I’m learning to Tweet. I hope I’m not offending you with my mindless tweets. Please keep in mind that I’m behind the curve. On the hair front, I cut my own hair for the first time. It was long, but I guess I can’t see the back, so fuck it. Ok, I’m going slight crazy and when I say, “Guess what I just thought about?” to my husband, his answer is always, “God only knows.”

  21. LOL! I cut The Viking’s hair and I have to say, I usually do a terrible job but he’s more opposed to spending money than having random short hair spots on his head. That’s actually one of the reasons I love him. Incidentally, he doesn’t mind me going to the hairdresser because I’m worth it, I guess, or maybe he just doesn’t like to look at me with large bald patches. Who knows what motivations circle around in his head. 😏

  22. I had a hair appointment on the exact day they closed all the salons, and I’m still sulking. Since my hair grows faster on the left than the right, I now have an asymmetrical hairstyle that I’m trying to convince myself is the latest in hair fashion.

  23. I’ve been cutting my husband’s hair for years, but since he basically just wants a buzz it’s easy. One time, though, one time….Just as I was going to buzz the back of his head, the comb fell off. The bare clippers went *snick* and I went “Oh!” I then carefully turned off the clipper, set them down, and retreated to another room where I giggled hysterically while my husband kept saying “What? What!?!” Luckily it was a small patch near his neck, so I was able to blend it in.

  24. I practice on my eight year old before I attempt my husbands hair (two benefits- it helps me get the need to over correct the haircut and even it out into an unintentional faux hawk AND gives the kid another chapter for his “Mommie Dearest” memoir. Everyone wins! Yay.
    I like a wet hand towel for light fire fighting. I may have accidentally set the wall of our guest room on fire a few years ago. I’m not allowed to have candles any more…

  25. I’m trying to write but really, all I’m doing is virtual house hunting with no money, feeling depressed, and eating All The Things.

  26. My hubby Ray buzz cuts his own hair over the bathtub and I too have seen what I thought was a spider while helping to trim the back for him. It’s a little shooter back there know but I comfort myself with fact he’s 6’5” and most people won’t see it!!

  27. You don’t tell us that you started your stove on fire and then leave us hanging! Wtf, Jenny!

    We are all doing well here in my lovely corner of 🇨🇦. Just trying to stay sane in a crazy world.

  28. I’ve always been an introvert, so the isolation feels like I’m finally somewhat normal. I have been cutting my own hair since I was a teenager (long ago), and now I embrace every silver hair on my head – earned ’em all. So nothing new there either. I’m my husband’s barber as well. Getting groceries delivered (I could get used to this). Never cooked so many meals before, but I haven’t caused us any gastric distress yet. The cat loves having us at her beck and call.

    Aside from the obvious overwhelming crisis the world is experiencing, in my tiny corner I’m coping and doing my part to distance for my sake and yours.

    Stay safe.

  29. I drive the car once a week to keep the battery charged. It feels like I’ve forgetting how to drive. And by the way others are behaving on the road, I don’t think I’m the only one.

  30. My catchphrase for the entire COVID Season is: No good can come of this.
    (Useful in all sorts of plague-related and/or political discussions)

  31. I told my friend I’d let her wax my eyebrows. I honestly don’t care if she screws them up they grow fast. She’s set up what she calls the Ghetto Salon for her family 😂😂😂😂😂

  32. Don’t feel too bad about the minor kitchen fires. I’ve set my stove on fire three times and set my dishwasher on fire (while it was running) twice. These things happen. Just make sure your extinguisher is well maintained and don’t forget to regularly check your smoke alarms.

  33. This is one of those rare moments where I think “I’m so glad it’s just me and the dog and cat stuck in quarantine together” because neither of them need haircuts. I do have a paper wasp nest in the grill outside though, and I may end up blowing up the whole thing when I turn the grill on and set it to the highest temp to toast those jerks out. My dog doesn’t need spicy fly treats.

  34. Ha ha ha, I can imagine myself doing the same thing, I jumped at a ‘spider’ yesterday that was actually some black cotton 🤔😂

  35. I’ll top your story: I had a flood in my house because my washer/dryer hoses are a million years old, and one broke (and my w/d are a million years old also). Freak accident, and now I’m living in a chopped-up house while we wait for insurance to assess + then start renovations. Yay. (related, thank God for home insurance.)

  36. Haircut? Bahaha, I haven’t even Combed Out my waist length hair in several weeks. I can quarantine for as long as necessary (and not just because I look hideous).

  37. I’ve never set the stove afire, but 3 blow dryers have burst into flames while in my hands. God only knows what destruction would ensue if I tried to use electric clippers.

  38. All of my purple in my hair is gone. I can’t color it myself so I’m sad. I have managed to do my own nails after 20 years of salon time. I’ll never go back.

  39. You guys! This is so funny!

    My husband threatened to have me buzz his hair, but fortunately our salons opened up four weeks ago. We went two days ago (no point rushing in to these things) and go our first haircuts in 12 weeks. It was less stressful than I expected, but we are friends with the stylist who is the owner, and quizzed her mercilessly before we agreed to go in.

  40. Oh, yeah – I once short-circuited the stove. We went to buy a new on and ended up renovating the entire kitchen.

  41. Asymmetrical haircuts are all the rage with the cool kids. I think. And I LOOOOVE staying home, working from home, being at home. But I have a large yard and garden — am blessed!

  42. We set our grill on extra bonus fire. Apparently you’re supposed to change out the grease trap? Who knew! Only pride was injured. It was kind of glorious once I knew it would just burn itself out.

  43. Apparently I cannot complete words “got” not “go”; “one” not “on”. Sheesh!

  44. i have big fluffy black dogs, and their shed fur forms dog-fur-tumbleweeds along the edges of my hardwood floors. you walk past them and they stir up and roll along just like tumbleweeds. and sometimes all that dog fur forms little blobs that are mistaken for spiders that i have squealed at. my dad even smacked one such little fur blobs dead so i know its not just me.

  45. I was almost considering cutting my hair with clippers. I looked on Amazon, but I knew that cutting my hair was way beyond my skill-set. However, at the bottom of the hair clipper page, pictures of hats started to appear. I guess if you do a really bad job cutting hair, Amazon will be happy to sell you a hat to hide the mistakes.

  46. I haven’t had a haircut since February, so things are getting pretty long. . . I haven’t had hair this long since I was 16, lol. However, with the added length I was able to pull off a perfect side-pony ala Napoleon Dynamite for my zoom meeting the other day. Not sure if anyone else noticed, but i was in full on smirk-mode.

  47. Damn. I use the trimmer on myself. I don’t trust my wife with it, and I couldn’t not blame her if it looked terrible. Mind you, the hardest part was when she insisted on running it on her own hair (a few years back, not now thank God). Do I let her do it and spend the next six months consoling the inconsolable, or do I do it myself and take all the blame when it all goes horribly, horribly wrong.

  48. My husband insisted that I try trimming his own hair. I did an semi terrible job, but it was at least semi-liveable. He thought he should try on his own to get it a little closer and ended up with a haircut reminiscent of those hillbilly mugshots you see. Because why try to fix it with a guard on the clippers when you can turn your head into the running clippers, guardless, when you try to see what you are doing back there.

    He keeps telling people that cutting hair is NOT one of my many talents. I probably should have watched a video or two but at least it wasn’t me that clipped 2″ square patches in the back of his head.

  49. How is my quarantine going? I got my second hip replaced, because why not get a pandemic joint replacement (I’m in my mid 40s; no one knows why they self destructed). I should be building an online course to teach in the fall. Instead, I’m building little metal models of London landmarks. Started in on St Paul’s Cathedral last night Generic kit. I can barely manage Metal Earth with only a half dozen broken pieces per model (Parliament is missing part of its roof). It’s not going well. That is an understatement.

  50. Hahahaha I’m TERRIBLE with electric trimmers!!! Remember in past days when Jackass was a real show and they went around buzzing bald spots on each other’s heads… because they were jackasses? That’s what I did.Bahaha and I love how you practiced on the dog first!! So smart.

    Quarantine in Wisconsin is batshit. People are everywhere. I’m… trying to stay sane by writing my blog. My other half and I rarely left the house before so… not much has changed for us. Didn’t like being a hermit before and… not liking it now but… LIFE!

    Yesterday I was diagnosed with a lung infection and chronic asthma but it’s just the average lung infection (almost bronchitis) so… staying home! Yahoo! (insert pained horror face). Blogging is keeping me… functional and giving me purpose. DARK HUMOR KEEPS US ALIVE!!!

    Stay safe, everyone!!

    Mozillaed blog post: https://epileptaste.wordpress.com/2020/06/11/dirty-winged-creatures/

  51. I dyed my ponytail blue. I’ve dyed my hair about 3 times in my life (I’m 51). I jokingly call it a color mullet as from the front, you can’t tell I dyed my hair.

    I’ve been watching weird foreign language TV shows like Pagan Peak, Arctic Circle, and Black Spot.

    Yesterday I cut my heel and didn’t realize I was bleeding until I saw my dog licking the blood off the floor.

    So glad I have short-haired dogs so grooming just entails giving them a bath.

  52. I cut my hubby’s hair and occasionally his ear. Only made a bare spot once but since of the side of his head it was very obvious. I kept saying it looks FINE but he didn’t agree

  53. Our salons opened within the last 2 weeks. My husband took my son to the barber and my son left with a bowl cut on his head.
    My husband paid for it. D’oh!

  54. This isn’t the first (or second) time you’ve set a stove on fire (LPTNY, “I Am the Wizard of Oz of Housewives,” the first place I find it is in the 3rd P.S., though it may also be earlier, since you mention it there as if we already knew about it). So was the difference this time that the oven didn’t have the instructions or a tea towel in it? I’m glad you got the fire out. I’m also glad restaurant delivery to the home is now a thing that exists.

  55. Gee I wish I could edit these. This is a lesson about proof reading. The book’s initials are LPTNH (not Y at the end). And I’m glad you got the fireS out, plural (this post said there were two.) How terrifying must it be for an author to sign off on the final proof of a printed book, knowing that anything she missed will be there forever and an even-partial fix must wait till the second edition, if any? I DON’T have anxiety disorders, and that would terrify me.

  56. List of things to never put off (in case of unexpected lock down): eye doctor & new glasses, hair cut, dentist, car maintenance, taxes, vet appt., new battery for i phone, buying large freezer.

  57. ANOTHER mistake??? I thought this thing automatically entered my information each time. That last comment was me fixing mistakes from the previous comment, but it posted anonymously. I apologize!! I did not intend to make this section of the thread all about me!!!

  58. Oooh. My hair was getting so hot, I just grabbed a ponytail, a pair of scissors and started to saw …… I think I may have given myself a swallowtail but at least my neck is cool!

  59. In B.C. Canada, we are out of quarantine but my husband keeps shopping like we aren’t. I’m not sure we really needed 3 Costco- sized packs of asparagus. Needless to say, I’m avoiding using the bathroom after him. We also didn’t need the additional apartment -sized freezer… Or the huge chest freezer…or the 2 extra large cooler bags in case covid turned into flesh-eating zombies and we had to run away with huge amounts of frozen foods.

  60. I went to the surgeon’s office the end of May to get the results of MRI of my ankle taken the end April from when I broke it in early January and was called last week to be told I was exposed to COVID-19 at the May visit. They called me last week while I was at the dentist to let me know. The next day a micro burst took out 3 panels on my fence.

    Today my long time neighbor across the street knocked on the door and told me he would fix my fence and told me he had bought everything that was needed. I put on my mask and stayed 6 to 10 feet away from him but helped as I could as my quarantine isn’t over until Saturday (I haven’t had any symptoms). He took down the rest of the broken fence and set new posts in the ground. Tomorrow he will put the slats (1×4’s) back up. There *are* angels among us.

    I hope others have and angel in their neighborhood.

  61. I actually got a haircut a week before everything got shut down over here so at least I don’t have to worry about that. (I usually only get a hair cut once a year anyway)
    I tried cutting my husband’s hair years ago (back when we first started dating) and it didn’t turn out well so he has never asked me again. But still he married me so I guess I have other good qualities just no hair cutting skills.
    For me as an essential worker (I work in an assisted living community as an administrative assistant), a lot feels unchanged and yet so many things are different. I still go to work 40 hours a week but now added to my job is temperature taker, visitor screener, and official door opener (since we now have our doors locked 24/7). My Residents are getting restless with all we are asking them to do but in the end I keep reminding them that we are trying to keep them safe. And so far *knock on wood* our community is covid free and I’m hoping we keep it that way.

  62. I broke a tooth a day before lockdown. I have now eaten so many roasted (soft) carrots I have lost track. I should have both turned orange and lost weight by now. Except ice cream is also compatible with my inability to eat hard foods. So now I am fatter and look like I can’t afford dental care. Which is why I am totally cool with masks. I get to wear my hair in pigtails, forego makeup, and cover up my wonky tooth.

  63. I am very happy that my husband cuts his own hair. I would NOT do a good job. Every now and then he asks me to clean up/shave his neck. APPARENTLY, the hairline is supposed to be straight and even when you’re finished. That’s not within the realm of possibility if I’m in the equation.

  64. I have played endless hours of Animal Crossing. Last week I had my gallbladder removed. Animal Crossing was much more enjoyable. I am looking forward to the new book club book!

  65. 20 year vet. It maybe mentioned before, several birds are going to love you, Victor and Victor’s hair for their nests. Retired. And only cut to make the wildlife happy.❤️ Do what you do.

  66. Still working my arse off at the pharmacy. I do get to take next week off so I can move my entire household. Not exactly the vacation I was hoping for…

  67. I offered multiple times to my husband that I would trim his hair. Because EVERY SINGLE TIME he went into the bathroom, he’d look in the mirror and complain loudly about his hair. Our daughter heard all of the complaining and told him that I had cut both hers and her brother’s hair and I did a good job. He declined multiple times. (Which is probably a good thing, his head is full of cowlicks…) So glad a place around here opened so he got his precious haircut.

  68. My husband tried to light the wooden handle of a pan on fire and didn’t believe me that it was burning (there is a crusty black scorch now). I am struggling with anxiety way more than usual. My puppy is still extremely happy despite missing out on playdates which she adores though!

  69. I’ve mostly been trying to keep my house from looking like we’re hoarders and regretting the decision to get an undercut on one side of my head three months ago. Because I have to let it grow out before I can get it cut again and so right now, it looks like I let a toddler cut my hair. :-/

  70. I too became a barber on the porch! I buzzed my two little boys hair off. Afterwards the 7yr old told me “mom… I do NOT look good at all.” I told him it didn’t matter because he wasn’t going anywhere anyways.

  71. With all the kids home I assigned them more of the household tasks. Well, they are getting busier going to their jobs now – a good thing, but the house begged me to step up and CLEAN. Um, cleaning sucks and since kids idea of cleaning is more half-ass than legit, my work is cut out for me. On a positive note, I drive my daughter to her Irish dancing classes 3 or 4 times a week, 23 min from home and they switched to zoom classses during quarantine. I have embraced my quarantine evenings at home. Now I have no idea how to go back to that chauffeuring nonsense.

  72. I cut my daughter’s curly hair, wetting it down, carefully sectioning it, and trimming off the fried ends. I handed her the mirror and she frowned. ‘I should have told you not to cut off half my hair before we started.’ Phew. Didn’t get murdered and never have to do that again. It looks good short?

  73. My yard is half weeds that grow to be enormous somehow. It looks awful, but no one expects a yard to exist in a city and it’s behind a tall fence, so no one cares. But the weeds got tall enough to scare me, and I couldn’t remember when my property manager sends someone to mow and I was bored. So I decided that maybe I could get rid of the weeds themself, maybe it’d be fun practice for if the housing market ever crashes or someone rich dies and leaves me a lot of money so I can be a homeowner. I can’t possibly make this yard worse. I started pulling them out and pouring boiling salt water on them, and ordered a tool for digging up the roots. And yard waste pickup was just a few days away! I got halfway through and was going to finish the day before yard waste pickup day.

    The day before yard waste pickup day, I was in my morning meetings in my kitchen when I heard a noise outside. My property manager had sent someone to mow. And my tool order was canceled without Lowes bothering to tell me.

  74. I had a disastrous try at cutting one of my cousin’s hair back in high school and have’t attempted it since. Kudos to you for the attempt!

  75. I flat-out refused to cut my boyfriend’s hair; I was up for using the clippers to clean up the back of his neck but was terrified if I went further it would be a disaster. I’ve had enough minor horror stories around trimming my own, not going there with somebody else!

    I still feel like I’m doing something subversive when going to the grocery store. I’m not sure that’ll ever completely go away.

  76. I’ve learned to lay sod, manage distance learning for 3, design irrigation systems (not for the sod), cut hair, and order groceries online. Oh, and emergency pediatric dental care. And emergency pediatric medical care (did you know the symptoms of a broken wrist and sprained wrist are exactly the same?). You’d think I would fee accomplished, but I don’t do any of these things well, so I pretty much just feel stressed.

  77. My husband had been asking his barber for years to give him a fade because his hairline is receding from the front and thinning all over. His barber never cut it as short as he wanted, and my husband had bought clippers about a year ago to clean up his neck between haircuts. About 3 weeks into quarantine my husband bravely cut his own hair, discovered a major cowlick with entirely different texture than the rest of his hair in that spot. The next week he asked me to even it out, but forgot to tell me to leave the front slightly longer than the rest, and moved his head around while I was cutting so the angle of the clippers were uneven as I tried to do the back of his head. (Lots of freak-outing!) Needless to say I refused to help in the future, even though I had shaved my brother’s head more times than I can count when we were growing up and did a fine job. In retaliation I made my husband trim my blunt cut hair and micromanaged him the whole time. It had gotten so long that ponytails made my scalp hurt because my hair is very fine, and slippery even on a hot frizzy hair day, but thick at the same time and the pull of it when it’s in a ponytail and it’s sliding out of the elastic or a barrette pulls my hair out and hurts at my roots. I didn’t want to go bald from the pull of my hair and therefore 2 inches, chop, chop. He did such a fabulous job, (while having a major panic attack the whole time,) I may ask him to do it again and just have him take extra anxiety and depression meds that day, ha! Meanwhile he’s gotten to be an expert at cutting his own hair, it looks like your standard professional fade.
    We have only been getting out for food shopping and dropping off groceries to our elderly parents, but every time we see people without masks we both get anxious and cranky and snappish. I keep asking people to back up 6 feet, in the most non-hostile way possible, because I don’t want to trigger the people who are losing their ability to be civil during the stress of the whole world going to shit. I think it’ll take a good long while after this pandemic is over and we have worked through the civil unrest issues, to feel better about going out to do normal pre-pandemic things. Meanwhile we have to try our best to be kind to ourselves and to others, and realize the whole planet earth is having a massive sick day right now.

  78. I am lucky to have a few friends that a hairdressers and who are still not working. I could not stand my hair when it was 8 weeks long.

  79. I am extremely thankful that my husband has been shaving his own head since before we met. And our kids are two curly haired girls (2 and almost 4) who aspire to Elsa/Rapunzel hair, so no cutting needed. I have a whole roots and grays thing happening that looks pretty terrible, but whatever. It’s fine. There are hats.

  80. I need a haircut, but I have learned my lesson about free haircuts. None for me, thanks. But I can pull mine into a ponytail, so I can get by. I guess that’s not an option for Victor.

  81. Nape of my husband”s neck.
    He remains unamused. He’s lucky to be unbloodied.

  82. When I was in college a male friend who was both poor and cheap asked me to cut his hair. Then he bugged me until I gave in and did it. Let’s just say that he paid a lot more in humiliation than he would have in money with an actual barber.

  83. I have quarantine hair right now. Which means my grey was making me feel so down that I tried to die it bright FUN red. It is now green, yellow orange and a bit of red. This after 3 days of using every kind of fade advice on the web. So, uhm, yeah…don’t fine. All is fine. Fine. That is for asking.

  84. Hair cutting has not been a problem…starting when we were broke many years ago and continuing until today, I cut my husband and daughter’s hair and my daughter cuts my hair. We also almost never eat out, so cooking is the same as always. But what’s weird, so weird, is the changes in my work life. I usually work with moms and babies in the Public Health Department, but of course now we all get “temporarily reassigned as needed.” Today I did 129 nasopharyngeal swab tests for COVID in a nursing home experiencing an outbreak. And even working in full PPE including face shield is starting to feel…normal. That’s weird.

  85. I haven’t had a haircut in two years. My husband, on the other hand, normally gets his cut every two weeks. Because of the timing of lockdown restrictions and personal services businesses being closed, he hasn’t had a haircut since January. Since the hair on his head has basically turned into a squirrel nest and he’s growing his beard out too (for the first time in 40 years), he looks like a cross between Waylan Jennings and Doc from Back To The Future.

    He’s 60.
    The look he’s sporting screams “75!”

    In his head, I’m pretty sure he’s reliving the long-haired ’70s. He thinks he looks cool.

    In reality, he looks like a geriatric hippie.

    I’ll be glad when that part of quarantine is over. But otherwise, I’m loving the fact that I’m not required to do peopling while in quarantine. 😉

  86. I had a similar experience buzzing my husbands hair and watching clumps float around in the breeze on my deck and on the one hand I was like awwww maybe a bird will use it for a nest but on the other hand I was like WHAT THE FUCK IS CRAWLING ALL OVER MY FEET

  87. I dyed my hair on my own, because I did it often before and need to save money. But somehow I totally suck at it right now. So I went to a professional for the cut. (I’ll keep on dying myself till I have a job again… even I am not sure how good my chances are for one with that color, but that’s details!)

  88. We also ordered in clippers, along with a buttload of attachments, to cut my husband’s and son’s hair. We watched YouTube videos to get a better sense of how to do it. I’ve done it twice now, and no one’s died in a freak clipper-related accident so yay! I’ve been quarantining more carefully this week though – I have a diagnostic procedure on Monday and had to get swabbed for Covid before they’ll let me in the building, and I’d really prefer to not have to delay it.

  89. I have long hair which can go a really long time without a trim if necessary, and I have been cutting my bangs myself for years (pretty well, too). And my husband, bless his heart, has been cutting his own hair with a Flowbee for years.

  90. Tell Victor he should use try going full-on Picard just as the experiment.
    I want to go purple, but my husband says he won’t be seen in public with me if I do. Which…isn’t a problem, as I’ve got the better immune system so I’m doing the grocery shopping.

  91. In regards to the “light firefighting”, I discovered that you can ACTUALLY microwave a microwave.. Which is to say, that if you turn on a microwave without putting anything inside it, the microwave cooks itself. And bursts into flames in roughly 12 minutes (the time it would have taken for 2 baked potatoes to be done). Much like food cooked in a microwave, which heats in the middle first…..microwaves also cook in the middle first. It was a VERY expensive lesson. And the MOST expensive potatoes I have never eaten.

  92. 2 weeks into quarantine, my husband asked me to cut his hair. He likes it very short as he’s balding. As I’m pulling out the clippers, he tells me the barber uses a #something for the top and a #something for the sides. I nod, put the 1/4″ guard on & proceed to use it on his whole head. I told him if there was any complaints, he’d do it himself the next time. It must not have been horrible because I’ve cut it 3 more times.
    My hair, on the other hand, is a wide swath of grey, with an awesome mullet thing going on.

  93. Are you SURE you want the answer to that? Am currently prepping both myself and my apartment for major abdominal surgery (a truly impressive hernia that’s also quite painful), and finishing unpacking from my September move; this involves cleaning, mopping, putting together a new bookcase, lots of laundry, laying in supplies of cat food & kitty litter, finding out if I can get any in-home help at least the first couple of weeks, and so on and so forth. Also, my mother broke her hip in early April, had a hip replacement, and is recovering at home w/my brother’s help; we still haven’t gotten over losing my dad in December yet, etc. etc. etc. Could really stand to have friends around, but, you know…it will all work out somehow, but in the meantime I’m just hanging in there.

  94. Sadly, my life hasn’t changed much by being forced to stay inside. I live in south FL, where absolutely nobody knows how to drive, between the snowbirds, the tourists the people from foreign lands, the teenagers and the way-too-old-to-be-still-driving folks, along with the just plain bad drivers who love to cross 4 lanes of traffic directly across your path so as not to miss a turn and, God forbid, have to do a U-turn at the next light, I’m terrified of driving. Ironically, I just upgraded the make and model of the car I barely drive to a much pricier model. I told my husband maybe it’ll make me get out and drive more, but no. Now, I’m so intimidated by all the bells and whistles my upgraded car has that I can’t find anything in it I know how to work – so still not doing a lot of driving, though I look good when I do, lol. Thank God my good friend is a hairdresser who shampoos, glosses, and blow dries my hair for free once or twice a week if I come to the shop or I’d never leave the house. We go to lunch after she does my blow out, and bless her heart, she’ll even call me on her days off sometimes and comes to the house to pick me up so we can have lunch together and I don’t have to drive. Other than that, it’s just me and my dog. My husband works long hours. On the up side, I have started cooking again, and we’re getting a new puppy next week, so that should keep me busy. I just hope I haven’t bitten off more than I can chew by getting an Australian Shepherd pup. I hear they’re quite energetic and need frequent exercise. I’ve gotten quite used to my patient, low-energy 11-year-old Great Pyrenees who forgives me for not walking her every day. I got the puppy in the hopes that he’ll force me to exercise and stay busy. Let’s hope it works out better than the new car, although to be fair, I have run a few extra errands lately that I would have put off in the past. And we do have a fairly decent sized fenced in back yard. Still, sigh, I see much walking in my near future. At least I’ll be out of the house. Speaking of haircuts (were we not?), I cut my husband’s hair exactly once in our 27 year old marriage. He had to wear a ball cap for 2 months while it grew back to some semblance of normal. He wasn’t letting me anywhere near his head with a pair of clippers, Covid-19 or not. He just let it grow until it got shaggy and they allowed the shops to open back up. So, other than being fat, lazy, anxious, uncoordinated, and unmotivated, I’m all good here. ; )

  95. My 13yo daughter decided to skip the bad-hair drama and went straight for the buzz cut. Thankfully she has a good head-shape, so it works for her. Other than her, the only hair-cutting we’ve tried is on our dog (a papillon) and surprisingly enough, I may have missed my calling as a dog-groomer. He turned out much better than I’d have expected! I’m not sure it was enough to convince my husband that I should take a whack at his hair though.

  96. You are an amazement, truly. I just read through a series of your posts about Nowhere, and I so want to hop on a plane and come see this place, and love it. You do the most marvelous things with your dreams, and they all seem to work in your favor. I hope you realize how special you are, and how important to so many people.

    I cut my own hair, since I can’t deal with the tugtugtug that salons like to do (“pull out one more hair, lady, and you will find out what it feels like firsthand…”), and it usually grows out eventually. My husband has a beard, and bless him, he trusts me to trim it.

    Wear your mask, lady. Be well.

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