So I was working on turning an old broken tv into a display for the bookstore and I had a bunch of papertowels draped on the ground because I was decoupaging book pages on the sides (from a badly damaged paperback – don’t yell at me) and I kept dripping the glue on the floor and I was so busy I didn’t notice when Ferris Mewler laid down on the paper towels but as soon as I did I nudged him off so I wouldn’t drop glue on him but apparently there was already glue on the paper towel because when he got up he looked at me weird and then tore off across the house with the paper towels stuck to him because apparently the glue had dried to his butthole and so I was chasing him through the house trying to pull off the paper towels but he wouldn’t stop so I was just stomping on the paper towel butt veil he was dragging behind him and only managing to pull small sections off because it was a longish roll and also I think I was maybe scaring him by chasing him and stomping what I can only imagine he thought was some sort of inappropriate ghost with serious boundary issues and I finally got the paper towel off but Ferris was still all wild-eyed and tried to lick off the glue and I know it’s non-toxic but that doesn’t mean it’s healthy and he bit me when I tried to wash it off (although technically I was washing him with a wet paper towel and now that I think about it that probably just revisited the trauma) so I just got the electric beard clippers and held him upside down while I shaved off his butt hair and now he refuses to look at me and I’m pretty sure none of this shit happens with Martha Stewart.
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