So this week I was very surprised to find a giant mysterious package at my front door:
If I was smart I would have done an unboxing video but I am too impatient so I ripped it apart to find the taxidermied monster head I forgot I ordered.
This is not that unusual because I order stuff and forget that I ordered it all the time and it’s like a Christmas present to myself from insomniac me, and I realize that this isn’t really the sort of thing you forget about, but in my defense it’s been a month since I bought it and in ADD/quarantine time that is like 870 years ago.
It came from one of my favorite stores, Loved To Death, which recently closed its physical location but still exists online. It was the store guardian for many years and I always loved it because to me it’s the perfect combination of Jabborwocky mixed with Where the Wild Things Are and I thought it would be great for the bookstore because it’s so literary but Elizabeth was like, “what. no. stop” and also I didn’t remember how enormous it was so there’s no way I could hang it at the store and not have children hang on it and/or be devoured by it so now it lives in my house.
The lights in the room sort of make it hide in the shadows and I realize it might look a little unsettling at night as you can tell by this picture of Dorothy Barker who seems to be in the process of literally shitting herself.
But in the daylight is it exactly the lovely, protective guardian I knew that it would be and after we sprinkle a little holy water on it I’m quite sure that Victor will learn to love it and not sigh heavily every time he passes by it.
But now there’s the problem of a name.
I’ve been giving it a new name every few hours but lately I’ve been stuck on Bernard because it really looks like a Bernard and also that was the name Maurice Sendak gave one of the Where the Wild Things Are monsters. But then I’m like, am I wasting a monster because there are so many good names and I also like Tina Fang, Bitey White, Matt Demon, Slay Bradbury, Will Feral and Tooth Bader Ginsburg and JESUS I NEED HELP.
Victor agrees, but probably not for the same reason.
PPS. Utterly unrelated, but a bunch of you asked for a bloggess 2021 calendar so here it is. Because 2020 has to end eventually.