Feeling stabby? I’VE GOT YOU.

SO. My new book, Broken (in the best possible way), comes out next month (!) and so many of you have preordered it or reserved virtual tour tickets or are planning to preorder it, which makes SUCH an enormous difference and I cannot thank you enough. But I can try.

Because my publisher is giving out 100 cross-stitch kits created by Subversive Cross Stitch and inspired by quotes from Broken to people who are preordering. WHOOP! Why cross-stitch? Because I spent a whole chapter talking about how embroidery got me through my Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation treatments since I was able to stab things with needles while being metaphorically stabbed in the head with magnets. (I swear that sentence will make sense after you read the book.)

There are 100 kits that will be given away by random drawing but every single person who preorders and enters the drawing will be emailed all five of the cross-stitch patterns so that you can create your own. AND I loved the patterns so much that I’m doing all five of them myself and five “lucky” winners will get a finished frame work that I stitched myself and I apologize in advance because I’m on my fifth right now and I have literally fucked up EVERY SINGLE ONE. But the great thing about embroidery is that fucking it up makes it look like it’s hand-crafted and it also gives permission to everyone else to fuck up their cross-stitch a little.

In my defense, I’m dealing with a number of embroidery obstacles, including a cat whose anxiety is only calmed by listening to my heartbeat and who I wear like a terrible, furry brooch.

All you have to do is take a pic showing you preordered the book (like a screenshot of your order or receipt) and upload it here. It’s only for America and Canada because of legal reasons but I’ll let you know if any of the international publishers do something similar. (And if you’re a member of the Fantastic Strangelings Book Club you’re already getting a signed copy next month so just upload a pic of one of my strangeling emails I’ve sent you or anything else that shows you’re a member because that totally counts as a preorder.)

Can’t afford to preorder my book right now? Don’t live in North America? Too impatient to wait? I GOT YOU. Just click here and you can print out this pattern right now. Cross stitch is super easy and there are a ton of tiny tutorials online but I did one right here on my instagram.

So if you want to enter the drawing and get the free pdfs of the patterns just click here for details. It’s very easy.

And if you haven’t preordered already I HIGHLY recommend checking out your local indie bookstore. Nowhere Bookshop is doing really well thanks to your support but there are a lot of indie shops that are really struggling so check out Indiebound to see what local stores are near you. We’re sending thousands of signed copies of Broken to indie bookshops everywhere so check yours out.

And thank you to every single person who has recommended my books or read them or used them to prop up wobbly tables. I super crazy love you. Publishing during this weird time is more than slightly terrifying and I’m so grateful for you.

81 thoughts on “Feeling stabby? I’VE GOT YOU.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. oh and I like the idea of cross-stitching. I would be afraid of getting blood from my fingers on everything though if I made multiple mistakes.

  2. Oh my gosh I love all of these SO much!!! And the thought of possibly having one stitched by my favorite author (spoiler alert- it’s you) makes my nerdy little heart so happy!!
    Nerdy with reading that is…how do I upload a picture here? Or am I suppose to upload it somewhere else? I’ve gotten so excited I can’t remember what to do 🤣 I’m a Fantastic Strangeling and I also pre-ordered 2 additional books from your book tour.

    (Yay! Just click here: https://read.macmillan.com/promo/holtbrokencrossstitch/ And then take a screenshot of your receipt or a strangeling email and upload it by clicking the “browse” button on the page. It’ll let you pick the picture and enter your email and then click “sign up” and you’re done. 🙂 ~ Jenny)

  3. Hell fucking yeah!!! Cross stitch is one of my favorite hobbies and to combine it with Bloggess quotes? Perfection! So excited to get these patterns. Now to find where I preordered for the Christopher Moore virtual event.

  4. As a knitter I would like to remind you it’s not nice to make things perfect when you hand craft them. That is why the baby blankets I knit for my friends all have mistakes. Otherwise, I’d be that bitch who knits perfect blankets, and who wants to be friends with her?

  5. If I purchased a virtual book tour ticket and am getting a book that way can I still enter the cross stitch giveaway?

    (Totally! Just upload a screenshot showing you got a book tour ticket and that works. 🙂 ~ Jenny)

  6. I was lucky enough to read an ARC and it was wonderful. My friends and family are also very lucky because this is the only present I’m giving this year. The babies are just going to have to learn to read early.

  7. I learned to cross-stitch from my paternal grandmother, who thought it an activity that was better suited for little girls than climbing trees. I still have a half-completed sampler that I started when I was 10 (I’m 58).

  8. This is fantastic! I can’t afford to pre-order right now but thank you for giving patterns for free! I also have a very needy orange cat that loves to make cross-stitching challenging.

  9. We are really twinsies, your long lost twinsie… I like to play a rogue in World of Warcraft… the stabbing still applies.

  10. Huh … even I figured out how to upload a picture of an email proving I was in the book club.

    Makes me feel better about the snafu at the pharmacy this morning .. and my inability to understand the ‘rules’ about the discounts (which did NOT apply) on an online order I tried to place for 45 minutes before giving up.

    Gives me comfort that all is not lost in my gray matter.

  11. Knowing I had Luvvie’s book and then yours preordered and on their way helped get me through January and February, the worst months of every year, but this one even more so than usual. So thanks! Can’t wait!

  12. Yay you for crafting on our behalf! Remember that the whole point is to relax and enjoy; we’d all be disappointed if it WAS perfect. It should be Broken in the Best Possible Way. 🙂

  13. Shit. I *just* stopped my book club membership because I have a huge backlog of books. If only I’d waited one more month!

  14. I, too, have a ginger tabby extra appendage. Not only does he attach like a lamprey at every possible occasion, but I discovered that he’s the source of the mysterious splotchy patches on the floor. He comes in from the litterbox and *wipes his butt across the floor like a dog*. My cat is defective. He’s also only 10 months old and is already over 10 lbs and can just reach the kitchen countertops with his paws. We’re doomed. And we adore him and his tuxedo littermate brother. I can’t do handwork anywhere near them. I’ve tried. But I’m pre-ordering your book and will be attending your tour stop with Christopher Moore so I still win!

  15. I’ve had this in my not-published-yet folder of books to order for my library for a while now. Just waiting for the status to say that it’s in stock!

  16. I just entered! I’m excited! BUT. When i click on the link to download the patterns… the link does nothing and goes nowhere 🙁 i am sad.

    (That’s weird. Do you mean the one you get in the email after you submit that you preordered? I just tried it myself to make sure it works. The email will give you a link to download all the patterns. They come in a folder called “Broken- Jenny Lawson- cross stitch patterns” or something like that. Mine saved to my desktop but it should save wherever you tell it to. Then you just open the folder and all five are in there. If that doesn’t work maybe try opening it in a different browser? ~ Jenny)

  17. Love the cross stitch patterns…thinking I might get one as a tattoo since I have no patience for cross stitch.

  18. I have entered! I would just love the patterns… the kits would be a happy bonus 🙂 Cross stitching is the only thing that gets me through my anxiety – I have a lot of cross-stitch completed because of that – and I am always looking for new patterns. Thank you for this!!

  19. Get out of my head! I have been thinking about picking up cross-stitch again the last few weeks. I haven’t done it since I was a kid!

  20. I have a heartbeat-seeking ginger tabby, too.

    I wanted to sign up for every virtual book tour session but forced myself to choose one. And then changed my pre-order on Amazon to be sent to my Mom. (And I’m getting a copy because I’m in the book club but I will find a home for any “extra” copies of the book I end up with).

  21. You need a frame for your cross-stitch! It’ll make it easier to come back from those feline co-worker distractions

  22. Aw man! i’m in the UK and preordered on amazon AND i cross stitch! So gutted i can’t enter. (Although i’m technically not allowed to stitch or do anything else arm related because i’ve compressed a nerve in my right arm, so double boo)

  23. When weaving a rug the Navajo intentionally put in a mistake because otherwise their spirit could become trapped in the pattern. Imagine being trapped in a cross-stitch on someone’s wall and then ending up being sold in a garage sale. That’s some Twilight Zone level stuff there.

  24. Now this is a promotion I can get behind! Thank you for giving us the gift of some lovely and MODERN patterns. I’m working on a couple pieces also, a lovely night time victorian house (with kitties) and (my favorite of the two) a Pam Poovey piece that inclues a saucy quote (from Etsy, of course).
    It’s frighting how excited I am to finally get a chance to use some sparkly filament but it’s mostly because I’m using it on the phrase “dick holster” and I can’t stop laughing at how hilarious it’s going to be. It’s the little things in life.

  25. I’d love to see a cross stitch pattern of a small, exhausted raccoon washing his hands with a sliver of bar soap. I’d put it in my powder room to remind everyone to wash their Goddamned hands before exiting.

  26. Bloggess quotes in cross stitch? I’m so happy that two of my favorite things have been combined!

  27. I’m so excited that my book tour ticket got me a book because now I can send the preorder to a friend as a housewarming present. This is just icing on the cake…ohhh…cake…

  28. We totally need a Stabby Cocktail Hour with Jenny on Zoom to do cross stich! (Because stabbing things is better with rum!)

  29. I’m pre-ordering, but not entering. Because I don’t need a reason to stab things, I need a reason to actually do the long list of hobby things I’ve already got.

  30. You are the actual best. Thank you. I needed this today. My state is trying to kill me again (and you, too!).

  31. I love cross stitch and your books. I already entered and got the downloads. They look like good patterns. I am a strangeling and I am going to one of your talks so I am going to spread the love and give your book to my crazy (in the best possible way) nieces

  32. I am so excited I have now ordered two copies of your new book. And you might be the only person in the world who could get me to sew anything. Says the lady who will buy a new shirt when a button falls off because…sewing.

  33. Thanks so much for this Jenny! I would love to win one of your perfectly imperfect cross stitches. I remember that the Amish add a mistake in their quilting intentionally to acknowledge that only God is perfect. I’m always making mistakes on my own craft projects and tell myself I’m doing it for that reason, but I’m really just too lazy to fix it.

  34. I’m a knitter with a cat who eats the yarn as I pull it from the bag. The cat is not helpful, but the knitting really is. I’ve been coveting Subversive Cross Stitch for a while now.

  35. I think “Stabbing things repeatedly with needles is very therapeutic” would make a great crosstitch sampler too (and would be very therapeutic)

  36. Awww, I didn’t realize Hunter S. Tomcat had anxiety. He looks so sad!

  37. OK, so I just put this together. I was asked to become a TMS Tech & do the training this Friday. I do not have the time for the training right now. Also, my psychiatrist wants me to have it done as well. She only mentioned the possibility of headaches for the first few days, she did not mention a stabbing sensation. Now I am starting to think twice about it. Did it really work for you? Was it worth it? I hope you see this & answer.

    (It’s not really a stabbing sensation. More like a woodpecker knocking at your head. It’s uncomfortable the first few times but you get used to is super quickly. It didn’t cure me but it helped a lot. ~Jenny)

  38. Woohoo!!! Love cross-stitch and recently started trying my hand at embroidery. Love being part of the Strangelings AND I signed up for the book tour ❤️. I have a very dear friend in mind for that book.

  39. Your books are the best, I love both of them and I can’t wait to read the new one. The cross stitch patterns are a great idea.

    On a side note, I bought “You are Here” for a friends daughter, who has been having a hard time with a number of different things going on in here life. And I am told she absolutely loved it and it really helped her through some things. She is really hoping that you do another book like it in the future. I will pass along the cross stitch patterns I am sure she will love them too.

    Just wanted to let you know how much “You are Here” helped her.

    Keep up the amazing work.

  40. For what it’s worth, all the cross stitches I’ve done have blood stains on them. Just saying.

  41. This is awesome. The only thing that got me through 2020 is teaching myself Otomi embroidery.

  42. I haven’t done cross stitch since high school. I used to love it. I should start doing it again to help with *my* anxiety. These patterns would be the perfect way to get back into it. 😊

  43. I ADORE every one of these!!! And I also craft with needles when I’m feeling stabby so I totally get it!! I used to tell people every stitch I made was a beating I DIDN’T give to my children, so their new beautiful blanket was also keeping my kids safe and happy 😂 Also, I’m a Book Fairy (thebookfairies.org) and I always leave “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” in my book drops because it’s the one book that can bring a smile to ANYONE. I think I’ve bought and shared around 15 copies so far! ❤💕 #youaresuchabrightlight

  44. I love all of this so much! I’m suddenly off work with a foot injury and normally never stop moving so there are about to be some high stabby needs over here!

  45. I have gmail, and the PDFs automatically open in my drive, if that helps anyone. These are really cute, and I used to cross-stitch as a child. I can do these. And the last one is my very favorite. I am going to make it for my husband’s office wall. He is the WORST about calling.

  46. Omgomgomgogomgomg I love you I love Julie I am literally squeeeing with ridiculous delight right now. This makes me so happy – I can’t wait to stitch them all 🪡🔪🩸🧵❤️

  47. I don’t cross-stitch, have no clue how, don’t do anything at all similar, but this is really cool and interesting and I had to enter! If I end up winning I guess I’ll have a new hobby to learn!

  48. I’ve been SO. STABBY. I made 35 pieces last year and I’m up to about 15 already this year. I needed these patterns. Thank you so much. Love you for these (and a million other reasons). They will be made and probably remade for a few different people.

  49. I love cross stitch but I have so many unfinished projects because I get excited about a new one and then run out of steam partway through. Still, these are awesome. Looking forward to the Neil Gaiman tour session!

  50. I don’t need a cross-stich kit to persuade me to buy your new book. I’m already there. I’m so looking forward to reading it! I bought your first book at an independent bookstore on Amelia Island in Florida. I saw it on a display and started reading it and couldn’t stop laughing out loud. Even though I was the general manager of a chain bookstore and could have gotten a 30% discount if I bought it at my own store, I just couldn’t wait. I bought it right then. (Well, I should admit that I often like to buy books from independent bookstores anyway in order to support them. But don’t tell my district manager.) I then went to an Irish restaurant and was laughing so frequently and vocally that the server felt the need to ask me what I was reading. I know there’s a lot more depth to your books than the humor, but I have to admit that your humorous approach to life, even during difficult circumstances, is what drew me to your writing. Thank you, and good luck with your new store.

  51. Your cat is just precious…unless you are trying to cross stitch! good luck with the new book 🙂
    Love, me

  52. That poor anxious kitty! I mean, having a kitty desperate to be that close to me is like my dream right now, but still feeling for the poor baby.

  53. What fun! I just preordered from BookPeople while nursing my two week old son in the middle of the night. Fingers crossed real hard I get one of yours since said two week old baby boy will mean it’ll be awhile before I can cross stitch something. Wishing so hard my dad would be able to read this; he died in June 2019 after a lifelong battle with bipolar disorder and your books helped us understand each other and ourselves (I have anxiety and depression).

    Love you so much Jenny!! Virtual hugs from Austin xo

  54. I resubmitted … and now I’ve received the email! Must have done something wrong the first time (shocker)! 🙂
    Thank you!

  55. omg, i HATE counted cross stitch. i cant count or something…. i have fucked up too many to count. i am going to look at yours and admire your ability & patience. and wait til i can read the latest book. love you ~ your generousity & weirdness. you mean the world to so many of us!

  56. I sort of want to caplock this to show my excitedness, but I don’t want to scare…. I am joining you and Neil Gaiman on the book tour. The idea of your book, seeing you talking about it in 2d, cross stitching and subversiveness, it’s like a slice of heaven! Thanks for making my day!

  57. I pre-ordered this book on the day it was announced. But I ordered it on Amazon because I don’t get out much. So I won’t be entering the contest for two reasons – I don’t deserve to win because of Amazon and my rheumatoid arthritis precludes stabbing cloth with needles. But I’m sure as hell going to love the book!!!

    (YOU DO DESERVE TO WIN but yeah, I get it about the arthritis. Thank god for biweekly injections because they’re saving my ass lately. Except now literally because I don’t have joints in my ass. ~ Jenny)

  58. Just a technical note for the very few this might apply to: I kept getting a “Failed to subscribe user”, no matter the browser or platform. Finally dawned on me that some anti-spam filters don’t like the generic first part of the address I’ve used for a gabillion years (email@…). My domain name is my own name, so takes the place of having a unique user name.

    Switched over to an alternate user name (me@…), and it submitted no problem. Thank you for the opportunity, Jenny!

  59. I pre-ordered on Amazon as soon as you told us about it, and then later I joined the Fantastic Strangelings. I thought about cancelling the Amazon copy, but I decided I’d much rather have a copy I can lend/give away. 🙂

  60. What a fun idea! I did my first ever cross stich in April of last year and it said “I will f-ing stab you” with pretty flowers all around it. And I messed it up too but somehow you’re right it still looks fine. Just pre-ordered a signed copy and entered the give away. Thanks for brightening up my Thursday.

  61. Would love something like this for the EU! I love the Subversive Cross Stitch book. 🙂

  62. Entered for hard copy and audible copy! I LOVE Subversive CrossStitch and all of this is so appropriate. In fact, I will probably be stitching while I watch the conversation over Zoom! I am so excited !

  63. Of course I preordered – I seriously can’t wait till it’s available in my library app 😅

  64. I am so very excited about your new book! I’ve listened to your others (cause listening to you be candid about your mental illness somehow makes it a tiny bit easier to get through mine. I am in the process of listening to them again, in anticipation of your new book. I am just now learning about the virtual tour, and am making my husband buy me a ticket for my birthday! What a perfect gift. And I’ve never had an autographed copy of anything before, unless you include when we had to literally sign the flap in the back of library books back in the day! And I also plan on getting the autobook as well. This might be the first time I’ve owned both types of a book. Unless you can figure out how to sign my auto copies. 😜 Love, love, love everything you work for and that you remind me that depression lies. Looking forward to listening to you AND my FAVORITE childhood author, Judy Bloome!! 💕💖💞😻

  65. Congratulations! How exciting! That is a huge accomplishment 🙂 I haven’t looked at your blog in a bit and was just happy to pop in and see that you are still chugging away!

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