You: Wait. Are you talking to me?
Me: Yes, I am. If you are reading this I am talking to you. About my book tour!
You: Awesome! But…wait aren’t you still without water in the middle of snow storm?
me: And also no electricity since yesterday. And I realize it seems odd to be announcing my book tour for Broken during a day when we’re dealing with rolling black-outs and are currently melting snow in the bathtub since we don’t have running water and can’t leave the house because of the pandemic and also frozen roads, but what I have learned over the last year is the importance of celebrating the small victories and looking with hope to the future. And this tour is the epitome of that for me and I think we all need a little something to look forward to.
You: Agreed and socially-distanced high-fives all around. But I can’t come to your book tour because we are still living in the plague years.
Me: Well, it’s not a normal tour (which is pretty on-brand for me anyway.) A normal book tour means travel and visiting with people and seeing people actually reading your book and wandering through bookstores, but times are not normal so this tour will be a bit different, but hopefully just as wonderful in a different way. It will be virtual so that means that you don’t have to leave your house or put on pants to attend! This is an extra special perk for those of us with anxiety and it’s my hope that so many of you who couldn’t make it to a live event in the past can make it for one of these online stops.
You: A book tour without all the social anxiety? TELL ME MORE.
me: So last week there was a very loud kerfuffle on twitter about how “your author friends are not your friends because they are your competition” and that is ridiculous because 1) we need a shitload of books to make the world go around and there is room for everyone and 2) because if you’re looking for an example of author friends being incredibly important and wonderful you should look no further than the six amazing authors who volunteered to moderate each of my six events ENTIRELY OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF THEIR HEARTS.
You: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS LIST?
me: I am not. And I am just as flustered.
You: I’m in. How do I get a ticket?
me: Tickets are available right now and with each ticket you’ll get to watch whichever live event you pick and you’ll be mailed an autographed copy of Broken and you’ll be supporting a bookstore, and that is a really big deal in this strange time. Just click here to check out all of the events and reserve a ticket.
You: But what if I already preordered a copy from somewhere else or I can’t afford a ticket?
me: Well, signed first-editions make excellent gifts for family and friends and bored-looking strangers so there’s no such thing as too many books, but if you can’t afford a ticket or already bought a copy then no worries because I’ll be doing a free unmoderated zoom at Nowhere eventually, but probably not until much later in the year because touring -even virtually- takes a lot out of me and I always need a few months to recover.
You: Got it. Buying a ticket to every stop right now.
me: That seems excessive but incredibly supportive.
You: Okay, maybe just to one or two.
me: You are my special angel. Thank you. For real, you don’t know how much it helps me and the bookstore. Pre-orders make an AMAZING difference in the success of a book and I’m terrified about releasing this one in the middle of a pandemic where so much is unknown. And as a special thank you I’m giving away something.
You: Is it something dead?
me: It is not and it’s weird that you went there.
You: Technically this is all coming from your mind so I think maybe you should be questioning yourself here, friend.
me: Fair enough. But no, it’s not dead. I wanted something special on the end-pages of Broken so we decided to use one of the sketches that Omar Rayyan did when he was painting the book cover and that means I have a few loose pages of proofs I can give away. Just leave a comment and I’ll pick a few people randomly and sign them and slip them in the mail.
You: Ooh. That’s cool.
You: Well then, I guess I’ll see you in April on tour. Which will be nice because this conversation is the most interaction I’ve had in weeks.
me: Me too, sweetie. Me too.