Still here.

I have so many things to write about or be excited about but I’m still in that same malaise of depression and it’s one where I have such small amounts of energy that I have to be really careful about how I use the few spoons that I have.

BUT! But I completed the intake for ketamine therapy and was accepted and I start my first injection day after tomorrow so I’m crossing all of my fingers that it works for me or that my brain just magically decides to stop being such a dick all the time.

But I’m okay. And I still have times each day when I feel almost normal and I have a good support system and I have hope. The hope remains.

I super crazy love you. Know that if you’re struggling too, you are not alone. Keep breathing. Keeping taking care of yourself. Keep remembering that depression lies and that it will pass. Promise. I’ll remind you if you remind me.

158 thoughts on “Still here.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Thank you for always sharing. I too am struggling with depression right now and your words hit home. Good luck with the Ketamine, I pray it works for you.

  2. We march shakily but with determined ♡’s
    You are not alone…I thank you because I have been left in a car like a bad puppy whilst my “friend” makes a fucking hair appointment.

  3. I’m glad that you are ok-ish. Some days, that’s the best we can get.

  4. Beautiful lady, I will remind you. I hope it works. Much love 💙

  5. I’m so grateful you’re here, Jenny. Sending big squishy hugs. I’ve thought about ketamine therapy myself. I’d love to hear what you think about it! I’ve been dabbling in psilocybin microdosing, which has helped a bit. Hugs!

  6. Depression lies. It steals your energy. It squashes your motivation. But it can be beat. You’ve done it before and you will do it this time, too. We’re all rooting for you.

  7. I have one of these “ ; “ on my wrist to remind of my support system. I just wish every damn medical professional would stop asking me if I ever fell like hurting myself or others. 🤣

  8. Thank you for this. Currently struggling through my afternoon pleading with my brain to just. keep. going.
    Cheers to you and hoping you get more spoons

  9. Love you, woman! Holding you close in my thoughts and crossing fingers the ketamine therapy works wonders for you.

  10. I too have depression. Sending hugs and love! Best wishes w the Ketamine!

  11. So glad you’re still here! *hugs* except not actual hugs if that would not be pleasant for you.

  12. I was just watching the comedian Neil Brennan’s Netflix show “3 Mics,” where he talks about his own depression and ketamine therapy and TMS, and he said the ketamine therapy was terrible when he was getting it, but the next day it really made a difference. He also talked about how a nine-year-old described that journey as “you’re a cucumber but you want to be a pickle,” and I thought that’s a kind of beautiful way to think about it. Best wishes to you.

  13. I hope it works!! I know someone who goes for monthly infusions and takes the nasal spray intervals nightly. (That knocks her out, in case you are considering it!) She really values it. <3

  14. Thank you for having the continuous courage to write about depression and all of its struggles. I was lucky enough to meet you in Toronto on your “furiously happy” tour – your writing saved my life. Your openness and honesty about mental health is truly admirable. I’ve been listening to “Broken” (halfway through) and it’s beyond phenomenal. It’s hilarious, truthful and I commend you for writing it. Knowing you are not alone makes a significant difference. Depression can tell a thousand lies, but as you write – that’s just what they are – Lies. Painful, but not true. I’m so happy for you that Ketamine is an option- there’s been a lot of solid research done on it. I’ve even recently applied myself for treatments as a last resort since depression has been at its worst this past year. I understand when you disappear, I do too from life bc of depression, anxiety disorder. Most days I’m still in tears, barely able to function. So many ppl don’t understand, but you do. I hope this treatment gives you your beautiful smile back. You’ve touched countless lives without knowing all over the world- and helped others who do not suffer begin to understand. You’re helping to change the conversation about mental health. And for that, we all thank you and wish you nothing but peace and happiness. Keep shining your light, bc it’s beautiful! 💕

  15. Thank God we all have a Tribal Leader….and it’s you. 💖 I’m barely existing right now….each minute is an hour…..I can’t wait til bedtime. Will be cross-tapering meds……so not easy when in the midst of a monstrous depression and anxiety state. I wish you well tomorrow….relief and serenity.

  16. i too am wishing the best for you. Your writing has done so much for me and my friends. You are needed.

  17. Sending lots of love, hope and extra spoons to you. I pray that this new treatment will help. You have so many people rooting for you that someone “up there” better listen! Otherwise we will just get louder. Virtual Hugs, <3

  18. Sending you tons of love and great vibes. Hoping the ketamine has a great effect! We’re here for you just as you’re here for us, and you’re right, it gets better. It always does ❤

  19. My Red, my wife shares some of the same diagnosis as you. She’s going through TMS right now and it’s to be honest quite hard on her. Our daughter gave her your book that had the chapter on TMS of which I read and thank you. We’ve been together 20 years and she’s suffered from depression all of those years sometimes medication works most the time it didn’t. So I understand it from caretaker husband lovers perspective. However, about 6 or 7 weeks ago I sat with my mother and she breathes her last flew back home flew back for the funeral. And I’ve been hit with grief that I do not understand. But from the description of what my wife wakes up to every day or goes to bed at night every night with I think I’ve got a better idea now. Although, I do realize that mine is a event depression something happened to cause my grief and the pain that I’m feeling now. I believe life is a series of waves and these are just some hard waves I’m going through but better ones will come. I will be praying for you as well. Peace and comfort to all of those that suffer.

    Cheers,. ;

    Geo.

  20. Love you to crazy little bits Jenny! I’m down with depression right now too and it really sucks donkey arse 😕 But knowing that someone as smart and funny as you can be taken down by this basted too actually makes me feel a little less weak and a little more a part of a team – maybe a superhero team – like the “Superdepressors!” Or the “Anxietors!” Able to stress the hell out of any villain so badly, he just gives up his dastardly plan!! 😉 I would rock the HELL out of that role 😄😁

  21. You are so brave and it must be hard to muster determination sometimes but we keep putting one foot in front of the other! March on! Sending you positive thoughts ✨

  22. Joining with so many others in cheering you on. I’m so glad you are taking this step. I just recently found you on Twitter and then read as much as I could. I’ve been through 2 rounds of TMS and I’ve had a terrible time finding others who talk about it. It saved my life both times (although both times it didn’t work until towards the end of the 5th week.). This time I’ve been in remission for 2 years. If tms didn’t work my next step was ketamine and I might end up there if I have another episode of depression. Depression really does lie to us. I have trouble believing that when in the midst of depression but is so clear when in remission. Happy to remind you as often as needed. Thank you for being open about your journey. It makes a life-giving difference.

  23. Love ya and take all the time you need. We’ll be here when you come back. Sending spoons

  24. Sending so much love and support your way Jenny. 💕 I have heard many positive things about Ketamine treatment. You’ve got this 💕

  25. HUUUUGS!! I’m so glad you are able to do the treatment! I’ll be sending lots of good vibes your way, I really hope you see an improvement. It’s always wonderful to see a new post from you but I definitely understand just disappearing for a bit.

    Personally, my depression has actually been relatively stable lately but my anxiety is absolutely through the roof. And I’m not sure if it’s just straight-up my anxiety getting worse and I need to change meds or whatever, or if it’s just because of the continued high-anxiety issues lately. Feels like every other day there is some sudden high-anxiety situation (including the pharmacy screwing up my med refills, *multiple* different instances of huge scary bugs in the apartment and I reeeaally don’t do well with that, frustrating roadblocks in getting my mom the physical therapy she needs…. Ugh).

  26. Yeah, let’s remind each other that hope exists. And I thank you for that reminder, I need it too these days.

    Fingers crossed for your next treatment.

  27. seriously struggling myself. 12 days in the ICU and 2 months in the hospital. diagnosis still TBD. disability and work accommodation running out of time. depression STILL CHARGING HARD.

    thank you for sharing your struggles and feelings. it really helps to know that others have similar challenges and battles. sending you love from up the street in Kerrville. xoxo

  28. I hope ketamine works for you. I’ve been a mess lately and it makes me feel somewhat comforted that others do too but also get up and live their lives. I admire everyone who gets out of bed and those that don’t either. 💗

  29. Jenny, I am loving all these encouraging comments and hope you are, too. Please go relax now and let your wonderful pets crawl and snooze and purr all over you. They will bring you comfort, guaranteed. April (comment 27), what you have written to Jenny, and hence for all of us, is beautiful. Everyone, keep on keeping on.

  30. Just finished the book, which made strangers stare at me as I laughed out loud so many times!
    Sending lots of positive, healing energy to you! 💜

  31. I just rewatched your zoom with Samantha Irby, and it made me laugh. I needed that. Hang in there friend. ❤️

  32. Thank you for reaching out to us when you are feeling so low. I will send all my energy into good thoughts about the Ketamine therapy working and you feeling better soon, but even if you don’t, we’ll be here when you are ready. <3

  33. Jenny, I hope so much for you that this helps. I have been struggling myself trying not to let the demons overpower me in a time of extreme stresses, and I take comfort from your determination and strength. Love from London xxx

  34. 7Years I got an auto immune disease, fatigue crushed my being. Well it now looks like it gave me a fib. So all the folks feeling like fatigue is crushing you get checked physically as t might be a physical cause not depression, not that it feels different but it helps two knw

  35. Good luck with your treatment! I took my mom for her 1st day of ECT today for medication resistant depression. She had a breakdown in November after a breast cancer diagnosis & her mind turned upside down basically and she’s been living with me & my family the last 8 months. I can’t wait for her to feel better and stop her constant negativity (and to be able to go back to her house & care for herself). I applaud you and your ability to seek treatment on your own. You are a brilliant and brave lady! I sincerely wish you well on this ketamine treatment journey❤️😊

  36. i have a couple of extra spoons today by some miracle, and i want to send them to you. i think i owe you a lot of spoons for a lot of very bad times you’ve helped me through.

  37. A dear friend does the ketamine therapy (hers in inhaled not injected) and it has been a literal lifesaver for her. Best of luck to you! <3

  38. Thanks for always sharing the good, bad, and ugly. You are one of my inspirations. Sending good vibes and best wishes.

  39. You are so Beautiful. You have helped keep me afloat many times…sending Love

  40. I’ve been struggling too. My ketamine intake appointment is tomorrow morning. Your tweet about it was part of what inspired me to finally make the appointment. I hope we both find some relief ❤️

  41. Jenny – the first time I read Furiously Happy I was blown away. The description of your depression as a monster pulling you further into the deep water was the first time I felt truly understood. I’m sending you water wings, an inner tube and a blow up unicorn to keep you afloat. I’m hoping the treatment brings you much needed relief. You are definitely not alone. ❤️

  42. So much love and luck coming your way! Thank you for always being so brave and open with us!

  43. I appreciate how open you are with your struggles. It really helps other people. Also, I hope your brain stops being a dick.

  44. I really needed this today. I know exactly how you feel (also having a hard time keeping up with my own blog/writing in general). Here’s to good outcomes with the ketamine!!

  45. Jenny – my ketamine therapy has been life saving and life changing and I hope that it will be for you also. I also did TMS, multiple drugs & drug combos, and therapy, therapy, therapy. Ketamine changed things. I am not cured. But I do go into remission for months at a time.

    The protocol my doctor uses is IV infusion, three times a week for two weeks. Then a booster every 2 to 3 months (just one infusion.) I wish you the very best!!❤️

  46. I’ve been doing ketamine infusions for chronic pain and I love them. They are life changing! I wish you the best of luck with them!

  47. The ketamine works great for my pain and apparently my depression too. It’s always worth trying something, anything, to help.

  48. Sending you healing vibes in hopes that the ketamine helps. Also sending you love for being you.

  49. And coming out of the pandemic has just added to all of our issues making the malaise worse. I just don’t want to do anything.

  50. Healing, enveloping, peaceful vibes. Remibder noted- thank you.

  51. I’ve never heard the spoon theory before but as someone who was diagnosed with cancer just a couple of years ago (breast cancer at 34!) and currently dealing with the effects of the meds that keep the cancer from coming back, I love it. Most days I have plenty of spoons…some days I just inexplicably wake up with fewer because a side effect got worse overnight or I had a dream the cancer came back or I just happened to wake up with the existential dread of recurrence weighing me down. The spoon theory makes all of that make so much more sense.

    Also, I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. I hope your spoons fill back up soon!

  52. Hi Jenny, thanks for always sharing your struggles, I have always described my depression being like the stinky cloud that follows Pigpen around. Mine cloud is not stinky, just black, and always trying to suck me in or pull me under when I let my guard down. It never goes away but there are many days I can keep one step ahead of it. I was just approved for Ketamine therapy today also. Looking forward to getting started myself and reading about your journey. Fingers crossed for both of us. Hugs!

  53. I’m hoping and praying that the ketamine does the trick for you.
    My doctors are all asking at every appointment about any anxiety and depression symptoms I might have as part of their standard patient intake now. It’s great how the world is starting to treat mental health as a normal part of physical health now.
    If the K treatment doesn’t help everyone, don’t give up, medicine is working on new treatments all the time now. You never know when you might find the treatment that works for you, and different things work for different people’s biochemistry.
    Hang in there, and keep sharing your struggles, don’t forget depression lies like the sneaky little jerk it is. Don’t let it win!
    Hugs to you and all your fans who need a hug right now.

  54. Your reminder is appreciated so much, and returned with deepest empathy, Jenny. Best success with the Special K therapy. 🙏

  55. I have also struggled with depression for years. I have been in a funk lately and decided to watch a Kevin Hart stand up show on Netflix. He is so damn funny and I was pleased to find myself laughing out loud. It seemed to help for a few days and plan to watch another one tonight ! Give him a try and see if it helps you too !

  56. It will probably work, but if it doesn’t it might be time to try shrooms. Pardon my roguery but it’s time for the US to suck it up and decriminalize hallucinogens that have a VERY legit therapeutic value. But the Ketamine will probably work!

  57. I’m glad to see you and also happy about the ketamine! Please keep us all updated. Maybe this is a treatment we can try for those of us who have treatment resistant depression. I’m curious if you had to fight with your insurance company again. I am now on Medicare after having the primo insurance my entire adult life and everything is a battle with them.

  58. Hey man, every day you make it through is a win. It’s a weather system, and it can’t rain forever. You’re doing it, babe. Sending you love.

  59. On the days that I wake up disappointed that I am still alive, those are my spoon days with depression and anxiety. I hope that your treatment gives you many many spoons!

  60. Lots of love and sunshine and spoons to you. You are a light in a world that is frequently dark, or at least seriously murky. Hope you feel better soon.

  61. I’ve had a problem with depression for the past 20 years. I’m on an antidepressant that thankfully works pretty well. I really hope ketamine helps you. You’re an inspiration. Thank you. Hugs.

  62. If your heart is closed, then you will find behind that door nothing to light your way. But if your heart is open, you will find behind that door people who, like you, are searching, and you will find the right door together with them. None of us can ever save himself; we are the instruments of one another’s salvation, and only by the hope that we give to others do we lift ourselves out of the darkness into light.
    chapter 73, pp. 604, 605
    Dean Koontz -One Door Away From Heaven

    I hope it works or at least give you more time in the light.

  63. I’m a shrink. And I have “treatment resistant depression” (words accurate as far as they go, but Jesus, TRD for an acronym when you already feel like shit and now other shrinks are ACTUALLY calling you that? None of them see either the injustice OR the fucking hilarity!) (except me, evidently. Dr. Psychiatrist, MD, TRD. A doc who knows how bad it feels to feel like shit.) (Or a turd.) Shitballs. Now I don’t know WTF to print on my new business cards once I need them bc it’s reasonable medically to make your patients breathe your exhales… a LONG time from now, I suspect. The doc who knows her trds. The doc who has felt like shit. IDK. I majored in fucking biology, when I SHOULD HAVE picked marketing!

    Ketamine works. Have a chill playlist. MAKE them pretreat you with 4-8 mg Zofran IV, unless you are allergic to some component of zofran/ondansetron.

  64. Good luck! My best friend has had good results with sublingual oral ketamine. I hope it works really well for you.

  65. One of the things I love about you jenny, is that you can be fighting a seemingly impossible battle, yet you can still find humor. I mean who else besides me would call their brain is a dick?

  66. I did a ketamine clinic at my psychiatrist office a couple years ago…I think I had 8 infusions total. It really helped me a lot with my depression. I hope it helps you too! 💗💗 Lots of love!

  67. My husband is in pain management and thankfully has found a DR that put him on Suboxone instead of the “standard” pain prescriptions. He realized, however, that although it has given us our lives back over the last four years, the mental burden and depression are still there. He was prescribed Ketamine this last month and he says that, “It feels like this huge rock has been lifted off of me.” The point of the prescription was for his mind to disassociate his body from the pain but the mental relief that he has experienced has been amazing. I hope you have the same sense of relief, thank you for sharing your story so we all know we are not alone.

  68. I am hopeful for you. Apparently ketamine works differently from other treatments, so maybe it will be more effective. Best wishes.

  69. I understand your battles all too well.

    I can’t imagine the energy it took to write this post. If I could send you my energy I would. I wish I could give you a stadium sized standing ovation for continuing to fight despite your lifelong spoon shortage.

    So happy for you that you’re trying the ketamine. My toes, fingers, and stars are crossed for your success!!!

  70. You sound better. Am glad you’re scheduled. Still doing the “new guy kabuki dance” with my new therapist. Nice lady. Young. Enthusiastic. Hears well. Loved Hailey’s songs. They are brave (they/them). Hope Victor doing okay too
    Love you lots. Keeps at it. Keep breathing ❤️

  71. So many hugs. My brain is currently trying to kill me, or at least debilitate me. I don’t understand why it thinks that’s a good idea, but that’s where I am… Hoping the darkness will recede soon for you and me both.

  72. Hey love, I’m still here too. The past few weeks have seemed.. harder than usual. I noticed I’ve been retreating into myself a lot more. Good luck woth ketamine treatments. Hope they or something works!

  73. I spend 12 hours (sometimes more) in bed every day. For some of the time I am out of bed, I experience such joy—my husband makes me laugh, I hear a song, read something, see something I love—it’s those small moments that keep me going. Not a lot of people know that about me.

  74. I’m glad you were able to get in for an appointment. I’ll be following closely to hear about your experience with it. Now I just need to find something that also helps with my anxiety/agoraphobia. I seriously wish there was a magical pill, dammit. ❤️

  75. Sending good thoughts and vibes your way, Jenny. Hoping you’re doing better soon.

  76. Just came to check on you – I thought about you in the shower (but not in a weird way) – depression sux!!!

  77. Oh Jenny, you are a treasure. Still thinking of everyone else’s needs, even as you’re going down into the darkest places. You are truly noble and so generous. You help carry a lot of people, my friend (and no, we’ve never met, but I have felt your friendship with the rest of your motley crew). You are worth everything that can be thrown at this sickness; don’t doubt it. And please remember, this too shall pass.
    Xx (Covid-safe-virtual-kisses)

  78. Glad to hear you’re still hanging on. Yesterday, I had a sudden wave of anxiety, which I was able to stop from totally spinning out but still left me simultaneously wired and exhausted. I ended up basically being able to do little more than lay down on the couch and listen to an audiobook.

  79. My ❤️ goes out to you, Jenny, filled with love.
    I’d send my brain along too, but it’s filled with anxieties. 🙄
    Wishing you better days, always. ❤️

  80. Have you considered a Shamanic Healer? Their work is fascinatingly powerful. I’ve not experienced it but have read about it.

  81. Hang in there! At some point I realized that when I’m depressed I think to myself, “I feel awful and things will never get better.” but when I’m happy I never say to myself, “I’m so freaking happy and it will never change.” We need to fix that somehow. I really hope the new treatment works. People and brains should not be dicks.

  82. Ketamine changed my life Jenny. Don’t be afraid at all and let the “trip” take you where it goes. Let go of control and just be. I can’t wait to follow your progress! I also did ECT but ketamine SO much better. Good luck and safe travels 🙂

  83. I hope that you have good support during the ketamine treatment. It’s just as important to have support *during* the treatment as it is to have it before and after. If you haven’t already, please check in with the doctor about what kind of support you’ll have during treatment.
    I’m wishing you lots of love.

  84. I fully understand. My mental health is wacky this year too. Things that typically bring me joy don’t seem to fulfill in the same way. I sometimes think I’ve hit a peak in consumption and intake of things: online, media, social apps, etc that I’ve lost my creative mojo. I know she’ll come back. Those first steps are hard though very important. I tell myself on the road to recovery of anxiety is constant. Keep moving and reaching out. So glad you are able to reach out to us here as part of your self-care.

  85. Love you back! And thanks for the reminder about the spoons — I keep forgetting that sometimes I really cannot do everything. I forget to “measure out my life(projects) with coffee spoons.” You are a leader for me, for a lot of us. <3

  86. I am screaming inside my head and I can only function in my waking hours for short bursts (1-2 hours) before I start melting down now. I have T- 39 hrs until I see my practitioner about the next step in meds. I hate feeling like this and would appreciate any, any, ANY good thoughts right now. I need to get this sorted before I go back to teaching in the first week of August. I can NOT teach like this. I hate to cry and right now I cry like, twice a day. Can’t teach middle school art like that. Not only would the kids eat me alive, but I’d be excoriated by my peers, who understand the unwritten rule of teaching– if you’re going through hell, just keep going…and NEVER complain. You’ll be the butt of jokes among faculty, labeled “difficult”, and won’t have any friends among staff.

    Only nice replies please. Cannot take anything else.

  87. Omg. R u my twin. I am an art teacher. Supposed to go back next month and am severely majorly depressed along with anxiety. My husband dragged me to the park today. I sat there with my head in torture. Pure torture. Can barely move or talk due to this fu.;(!,! Depression! I have been thru 2 meds allready this summer and now am trying to wean off 20 Years of lexapro onto Paxil. Lord save me. Every minute is torture. I hear ya sistah. 👍💖

  88. First off, bless you for teaching middle school. I taught for years and always thought anyone who taught middle school had to be called by God to do so.
    Second, I am sorry for the pain and suffering you are going through. I can’t comprehend it. However, I will pray for you. Peace, comfort, strange, encouragement, and rest.

  89. Sending a cosmic gigantic wave of supportive energy to wash over each person who needs it – yours will be warm, or cool or sparkly or whatever will be the most comfort to you right now.

  90. Struggling physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Sleep deprived due to my dick-brain. My body is an asshole, as you’ve described previously, and it’s in overdrive to bring me way down.

    I’m so thankful you’re out there, continuing to have hope. That gives me hope, too. Hope is all I have right now. So I guess it could be worse, right?

  91. I’m really rooting for your brain to magically fix itself because 1. it would prove magic exists and 2. if it worked for you it could work for me. I’ve been wanting my body to magically fix itself for years.

    My struggle is not with depression, but I find I can identify when you say that depression lies. For me, that statement reminds me that I am more than the mast cell degranulation event causing a histamine dump that leads to irrational anger and tears. I know that those are not my real feelings and that I have to wait for my body to heal in order to re-center and get back to being myself.

    So I warn the people I care about when I’m extra bitchy (not to be confused with my regular level of bitchiness) and I practice some self-care with tai chi sword. If I’m feeling stabby, I might as well learn the proper technique.

    It’s wonderful to have supportive friends who understand that some things are outside of our control and who are willing to roll with it when needed. On a recent ‘I hate people’ day, one of my friends cheered me up with this set of quotes:

    “Hell is other people.” –Jean-Paul Sarte

    “Hell is Jean-Paul Sarte.” –other people

    I do hope the new treatment works and that you get relief soon.

  92. I had a piece of chicken breast yesterday that was shaped like a dick and balls so there is still magic in the world. Something to look forward to. Magic!!

  93. I had a piece of chicken breast yesterday that was shaped like a dick and balls so there is still magic in the world. Something to look forward to. Magic!!

  94. I’m so sorry that you’re still struggling with this horrid disease. I totally empathize, and I pray your new treatment offers you long-lasting relief.

  95. I’m sending you love & good juju, because the world? Needs you. I’ve had the depression that didn’t seem to respond to treatment for what seemed like forever, & I’m grateful to science for finding new ways to treat this awful, awful thing. Sending you all the {{hugs}}

  96. When I see your name or that you’ve written something, it makes me smile. Keep fighting Jenny.

  97. Depression and anxiety really sucks! I wish you all the best, and hope you feel better soon!

    P.s. I just read about the treatment and it said you may feel floaty when you first get it so hopefully floaty is good

  98. Lots of love, and sending tons of good, positive vibey things your way so the treatment makes you feel better.

    I am so glad you’re in this world, and you’re sharing with us.

  99. Thank you for always sharing. I too am struggling with depression right now and your words hit home. Good luck with the Ketamine, I pray it works for you.

  100. <3

    Hang in there. You can do this.

    I also have anxiety and depression and for the past 6-7 months, while the depression has been fairly well controlled, my anxiety has gone absolutely haywire and especially since school got out in May, I've been waking up super anxious every single day.
    I have Xanax I can take, but I've been halving or even quartering the pills because my doctor only gives me so many and I have to be careful about how many I take. I guess she thinks I take too many because the last time I got a refill, she had them write "FOR EXTREME EMERGENCIES ONLY!" on the label of the bottle and so now I feel a sense of shame and overall shittiness for taking even a quarter of a pill, even though I'm using every tool in my toolbox to keep from being overwhelmed by this sense of terror and doom.

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