This is why you shouldn’t live by me

So a new set of neighbors just moved in and I have not said hello because I’m socially awkward and terrified of people but I have waved to them while walking Dorothy Barker and that would normally be fine except that when I walk Dottie I listen to true crime podcasts and I’m afraid to listen with headphones because that’s how they get you so instead I listen to it really loudly as “AND THEN HE DECAPITATED THE BUS DRIVER WITH A MACHETE” echoes off the culdesac.

But technically all of my neighbors have gotten used to that because it’s just the price of living next to a weirdo. Like today when I was talking to my sister on the phone about a musical I will probably get sued about (there’s more here if I can work up the courage to record it for you in full costume) and we were talking about how so many of our old high school druggie friends on facebook have turned into insane, angry facebook people and one of them of them was like, “We’re taking the rainbow back from them gays because God gave it to us and we were using it first” and I was like, “Well, Brad, I’m taking back the lower case ‘t’ because the rest of the world was using it way the fuck before you guys were. JESUS. JUST SHARE THE FUCKING RAINBOW, CHRISTIANS. And also, isn’t the rainbow a symbol of how God isn’t going to murder us all again but only in THAT SPECIFIC WAY? AND WHY AM I EVEN TAKING THEOLOGICAL FACEBOOK ADVICE FROM THE GUY WHO SOLD ME SKUNKY WEED IN 1991?” And then I realized a neighbor was checking her mail and staring at me while I was screaming in my yard so I loudly clarified, “I mean, the shitty, judgey Christians are the ones I’m mad about. The nice Christians are great. They can totally keep their t’s,” but it was too late because she was already walking back inside.

And then that same day another neighbor slowed her car next to me while I was picking acorns off the street and stuffing them in my pockets and she was like, “Those aren’t pecans” and I was like, “Oh, I know. They’re jack-o-lanterns for fairies” and she just kind of nodded in confusion and drove off before I could explain that I was looking for acorns that resembled pumpkins so that I could paint tiny jack-o-lantern faces on them and then leave them in parks so that children think fairies are preparing for Halloween and so now I’m not sure if it would be helpful to leave tiny jack-o-lantern acorns on all of my neighbor’s porches to prove that I’m not crazy, or if it would actually prove just the opposite.

Also, I apologize to the nice Christians. Sorry those other fuckers are making you look bad.

154 thoughts on “This is why you shouldn’t live by me

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Are you kidding me? I would LOVE to live next to you – it would be thoroughly entertaining! Except then I’d have to move to Texas, been there, done that. Can’t go back. Sorry.

  2. People think I’m weird because I pick up broken glass but then I entered the skull I made from them in a local art show and they all stopped talking to me. So win there.

  3. I’m the weird neighbor here. Totally feel your pain. But is it pain? It would be more painful to befriend the former druggies now crazy so called Christians. Right?
    The acorn Jack o lanterns? On point my friend. On point.

  4. I would have helped you look for acorns and i totes agree with the angry hateful “Christians”. They do not understand the assignment.

  5. I wish I was your neighbor. You are so creative and entertaining. If that’s what crazy is then count me in. Also love the fairy jack-o-lanterns🎃🎃🎃

  6. I would totally love to live next door to you, AND we could shout and wave at each other since I don’t leave my yard either. This and other of your rants is why I LOVE you! And the tiny Jack-O-Lanterns. Rant on oh beautiful creature!

  7. I’d love to live by you. And would have said I’d never live in Texas, but I live in Florida and we’re running as fast as we can go out do Texas in all the worst ways. So Texas could be ok with the right neighbors!

  8. I’m a Rev. Dr. and I WISH you were my neighbor and I am certain Jesus would be on team rainbows for everybody.

  9. If you ever need to leave your neighborhood for any reason, any reason at all, you’re welcome to live next door to me. I won’t judge.

  10. Who doesn’t know the difference between acorns and pecans? You should have said they were “nunya.” “None ya business, Sharon!!” And acorns are edible so maybe you were just hungry! 😂

  11. This made me laugh way too hard. And those acorn jack a lanterns look demonic, so there’s that.

  12. I totally forget that acorns look different in other places (I live in California, and the acorns from California Live Oaks are long and pointy. Not pumpkin shaped at all.)

  13. Jesus is for sure Team Rainbow 🌈. Haters gonna hate, right. My only suggestion is try to have your phone visible if you’re on Bluetooth because otherwise people think you’re bonkers.

  14. I’d give up a kidney to be your neighbor.

    And those acorn jack-o-lanterns are fucking adorable.

  15. I was just saying to my boyfriend the other day: “I don’t think I am or have ever been fit for regular public consumption.”

  16. Those are the most adorable tiny jack-o-lanterns I’ve ever seen. The hell with the kids – I would be giddy if I found those! 😀

  17. I desperately wish I lived close to you, because your brave of weirdness matches mine perfectly. Those are excellent fairy jack-o’-lanterns and I would be all about manufacturing more while listening to true crime podcasts. Hugs and Happy Halloween!!!

  18. I’m failing to see reasons I would not want to be your neighbor. Just saying.

  19. I would live by you in a heartbeat. They should market real estate that way- certain subdivisions for the weird (but our kind of weird, not the crazy rainbow stealers). I love your fairy pumpkin idea.

  20. Have you listened to Casefile? It’s an amazing true crime podcast. The narrator is Australian so fun to listen to his accent. Best true crime podcast out there…and I listen to a LOT of them. So I guess I join you in your weirdness.

  21. Dammit, that’s meant to say “brand of weirdness.” And it won’t let me edit. 😡

  22. After almost 32 years as a Minister, I’m right there with you about some of the Christians. I strongly suspect that at least some of your neighbors see you as only about as crazy as they are. Just a couple days ago I was driving down my street and saw a mother and her kids decorating their yard for Halloween (and I mean REALLY decorating). I stopped the car and rolled down the window and I could see her bracing herself for what I was going to say. What I said was, “This looks great!” And I gave them a thumbs up and a big smile. Sometimes your neighbors appreciate you for who you are.

  23. I need a neighbor like you. I don’t talk to any of mine (mostly because I hate people) but if one of mine told me the acorns are jack-o’-lanterns for faeries I’d definitely like them a lot more. And tell them, “..Wow…….They ARE jack-o’-lanterns for faeries, you’re fucking brilliant!” Then go collect some of my own.

  24. I’m pretty sure that I’m the “you” of my neighborhood. One of my neighbors straight up won’t speak to me and I figure it’s the long-winded conversations I have with my dog all day long since he’s my only coworker. I hope to get to meet you one day.

  25. Omigod, thank you for the idea. Our trees are very prolific and have made a metric shit-ton of acorns to crunch under foot and tire on the driveway. I am totally going to some choice ones and make fairy jack-o-lanterns now.

  26. If you piss off shitty Christians you are doing something right! And jack-o-lanterns for fairies is both genius and adorable.

  27. Yesterday, I was standing on my patio having a very serious conversation about the pandemic and its effects on the supply chain with a squirrel (okay…I was doing all the talking but he was clearly paying attention and twitching his tail approvingly) and then I saw my neighbor staring at me over the wall and I was gonna explain but she just backed away like I was crazy and went inside. Then again, she slams her doors really loudly and keeps her dog crated too much, so who is the real neighborhood crazy here??

    Anyway, come live next to me, and we can have all the rainbows and lower-case t’s, and you can chat with my patio squirrel. He’s very attentive. Plus, he’d totally enjoy the tiny pumpkins.

  28. Personally I would be thrilled to get fairy pumpkins on my porch, or anywhere really. I would be thrilled. My neighbors just all never go outside so I know nobody after 3 years because they’re, well, people

  29. You’d be the best neighbor EVER. And who needs people who can’t get the idea of fairy pumpkins? Life’s too short. Keep being you. ❤️

  30. My 2 year old loves your little pumpkins – I can never leave this screen now. He’s just yelling “it’s pumpkins!!” over and over

  31. Those acorn pumpkins are wonderful! As full grown adult, I too would overjoyed to find a little bit of whimsy on my walk through the park. Thank you for being you!

  32. I wish I had acorns to make tiny pumpkins for the fairies to leave! Genius idea!

  33. The difference between you and me is that I don’t give a flying f**k what others think of me. Really.

    I’m kind and compassionate. I win. Yay me.

  34. We should just create a new neighborhood, install Jenny in the middle and move in around her so we can all be her neighbors. Whose with me? Jennyville, anyone?

  35. I am given to understand that the nice Christians accept your apology. Both of them. do, in fact.

  36. If all these people are gonna be your neighbors, you’re gonna have to move. The cul-de-sac will be way too peopley.i am the weird neighbor in my neck of the woods, which is literally rhe woods. This summer I treated them all to seeing me scanning trees and plants with my phone, and picking weeds and leaves off of certain ones. I’m sure they thought that was weird, and if they had known that I was selling them, it would have been even weirder.

  37. Wow, I’d love to live next to you. Mostly because I’d be chiming in from my yard to your private conversation there with a LOT of “hell yeah”s

    Also, I love the idea of fairy pumpkins, but I’m mad at all our acorn trees (oaks?) because they leave those things all over the sidewalks and they’re hard to see when it’s dark out and then I try to roll my ankle and fall down when I’m out running at 6am. So they can suck it.

    Also also, my friend had a similar conversation with an auto shop owner about the rainbows and the gays and how his daughter just wants rainbow shoelaces but she can’t because of The Gays and now I own 6 pairs of rainbow shoelaces and I’m going to give some of them away to my friends so we can make the awful christians mad. Because they can suck it, too. RAINBOWS FOR EVERYONE.

  38. Ditto what Cass said… I read that sentence and wondered what the heck you were talking about, and then I saw the pic of those tiny fairy jack o’lanterns and squee’d from the cuteness. <3

  39. As a fellow Texas Weirdo, I envy that you at least have your family’s support in your weirdness. I can’t even talk to my sister. And I’m just DONE with Texas. I know there are assholes everywhere, but it’s time for a change of asshole scenery. We’re moving soon. I can no longer give my taxes to entities that don’t respect women and literally leave people to die in the cold while the fly off to Cancun. I’m. So. Done.

  40. Now I wish I’d picked up more acorns when I was in Ohio. Didn’t really know what I was going to do with them then, but I do now! Brilliant! Release the Rainbow, please! I don’t think God intended it for homophobic a-holes.

  41. I feel like we should start a cult, but a nice one. We just all live together in this amazing neighbourhood of weirdos with all the rainbow and fairy jack-o’-lanterns and awesome people.

  42. As a Christian-I too get upset with the judgey ones…the big message is to love one another!!! HELLOOOO! Jesus dined with and friended the sinners…I honestly don’t care about anyone’s race, religion, sexuality, gender, belief, non-belief etc…I care, I love and I try to be the best human I can be when I dare comingle with other humans. With love and appreciation for all that are here and part of the Bloggess tribe-I’m so glad there are others here that understand good humor, mental struggle and the human condition even when it sucks.

  43. I just picked up a jumbo green acorn today on my dog walk before reading this and I’ve never felt closer to you! Mine isn’t a jack-o’lantern candidate, just a sit in a dish acorn, but it is is beautiful, and has its hat still attached!

  44. I pick up acorns just because I like them. They make Chestnut Men out of conkers (chestnuts) and matchsticks in Denmark. There’s actually a Danish crime/murder-drama on Netflix right now called The Chestnut Man.

  45. One of the best compliments I ever received was that I’m not “one of those” Christians. On behalf of all non-judgy Christians, I accept you and would happily pick acorns with you.

  46. I was guffawing very loudly, and my partner says “You know I’m trying to work..” and I pointed at the screen and apologised saying “Sorry, it’s Jenny Lawson.”
    “Is that the metal chicken lady? Oh man… okay.”
    You’re famous in my household. 😉

  47. Would love to be your neighbor as well! We could make a giant rainbow from your Tardis to our T-Rex skeleton. Fly that weird flag!!

  48. Dear Jenny, Love the fairy acorns pumpkins! So awesome! And also, as a Misfit Christian who is so tired of other Christians following The Orange Man instead of Jesus, I want to thank you for recognizing that not all Christians are like that! Some of us believe in following what Jesus taught, like Feed the hungry, take care of widows and children, and, oh yeah LOVE ONE ANOTHER, no matter what color, race, nationality, gender, lack of gender, chosen gender, sexual orientation, length of hair, number of tattoos, kind of underwear they wear or breed of dog they love!!!! So thank you! ❤️

  49. I believe in Jesus, and go to church (when there’s not a pandemic), but I don’t refer to myself as a Christian because I feel like that term has been poisoned by the Judgy McJudgersons and the holier-than-thous and the people who think that if you don’t go to their church or affirm your faith directly to them you are going directly to the hot place, do not pass GO, do not collect $200. I am also a professional lettering artist who wishes for a bumper sticker which reads, “I brake to expostulate about the horrors of bad kerning,” and I think your fairy jack-o-lanterns are delightful. I’d be honored to live next door to you, and I’d help you hunt for acorns.

  50. Back in the olden days the shitty Christians would hang or burn or drown people like you and me as witches for being unique and special and different.
    But rainbows belong to everyone, and Christ would be super pissed if he came back and saw all the mean and nasty stuff people do in his name!
    So spread kindness, give understanding, and create little miracles of fun for the world to enjoy like jack o’ lantern pumpkins out of acorns for fairies or squirrels.
    You can be my neighbor anytime and we share a love of true crime, ranting out loud about injustices, and hoarding books repurposed as furniture until we have time to read them, and avoiding social gatherings with people who can’t appreciate social anxiety, awkwardness or the rest of our strangelings’ quirks.

  51. I am totally the crazy weird neighbor. We are also the first house in our cul-de-sacwe are the big blue house with all the car (6) dogs (5) and cats (4) and lesbians (4). By golly we are fun and friendly.

  52. Love the acorns. We don’t have them here. I would love to have you as my neighbor. And this non-shitty Christian has NEVER been offended by your posts!

  53. Pretty sure he put the rainbows in the sky where you can’t purchase and own them, so everyone look and enjoy. They belong to everyone on earth.
    I’m a follower of Jesus. I don’t even know what the word Christian means anymore.🙄 I NEED a neighbor like you desperately….no one even waves out here.

  54. Love the acorn jack-o-lanterns! I only use one ear bud when I walk the dog so I can hear when someone is coming after me. Besides, I don’t want the neighbors to know what I listen to because knowledge is power.

  55. I’m you in my neighborhood. Made a 7 foot dragon for a Villains party and put it in the yard. Neighbors asked, “Why?” I replied, “Why not?” I’d totally be your bestie neighbor.

  56. Im the neighbor hood weirdo. And i just love your fairie acorns. Im going to make some and sneak them on all my neighbor’s porches. So they think the fairies visited them.

  57. As one of the non-judgy Christians, I love this post, and the acknowledgment that we’re not all like *insert whatever “Christian” comes to mind that’s pretty much the worst example of God’s love* 😂. Also, I LOVE THE ACORN IDEA! That’s the cutest freaking thing, and it would make my day seeing kids discover the “fairy pumpkins.” ❤

  58. Okay, I definitely want a musical from you!!

    But also, yes to the fairy jack-o’-lanterns!

    We are the weird neighbors here. The giant pride flag has the neighbors confused.

  59. Hey Jenny,

    You are totally right. Headphones are how they get you! I use bone conduction headphones (open ears, uses my skull as a speaker, I think) on my dog walks for the same. damn. reason. I totally thought I was the only one.

    Now that I’ve scrolled through the comments, I may have missed the point of the post. Let me go back…

    Yes, also, judgemental Christians are terrible fun ruiners and the people who sold you skunkh weed in high school sre not to be trusted. If your neighbors are paying attention to you that closely, I would hope they find you as wonderful as we do.

  60. Um…I would be delighted to find your acorn jack o lantern on my doorstep, but then….I’m the weirdo who got caught by a friend picking up a freshly dead lizard while considering if I could make a metal cast from it. Thankfully, my friend was not judge-y

  61. OMG a you are the Best! Who wouldn’t want to be your neighbor? You are kind, intelligent and interesting. My neighbor is still flying a tr#*p flag. 🙄

  62. I just love you so much! I don’t know which kind of Christian I am. But it doesn’t matter I love you anyway 😊

  63. My HOA just made it ABUNDANTLY clear that tiny fairy Jack o lanterns in the street are FROWNED UPON, so in MY neighborhood your activity would be met with MUCH praise by ALL the elderly Christians both nice and judgy and you would probably be their queen but only in title because everyone knows that HOA people are CONTROL FREAKS of the highest order.

  64. I have one moderately sane neighbor who probably thinks I’m a loon. We share a mutual hatred of the street urchins who don’t understand sidewalks in our neighborhood.

  65. I’m a born and raised atheist and a lesbian. Also, I’m about to move to my first apartment on my own. And I have a lot of strange habits myself, like, taking macro shots of spiders and looking around for them.

  66. Pretty sure we could be neighbors just fine. I have a five foot metal chicken in front of my house because of you. My husband bought it for me for Hanukkah like 5-6 years ago. It now has a 4 ft pink metal flamingo friend too. Kids like them. But I listen to Howard Stern without headphones, not true crime.

  67. So funny you mention that specific rainbow meme from Facebook, I’ve seen that multiple times (and have shared it on FB with my own 2cents which some people weren’t thrilled with). Your acorn pumpkins are adorable!! It’s so cool that you think about doing that sort of thing, that would never even cross my mind. As far as my own neighbors, pretty sure they regularly hear me singing loudly to songs about murder but I always wear headphones when listening to music so it’s totally possible they don’t realize I’m just singing along to something.

  68. I feel you. I have been picking up acorns this year like it’s all candy that got knocked out of a pinata. I must have at least five gallons of assorted acorns. And could I interest you in some black walnuts?

  69. This week at work we had a contest to turn clementines into Halloween themed creations. The starter idea was using a sharpie to make them into jack-o’-lanterns, but then people turned the volume to 11, and we had the coolest stuff! Maybe next year, I’ll suggest acorns…

  70. It makes me so sad when Christians miss the whole point about what being a Christian is. I mean, Jesus pretty well boiled it down to two biggies. Love God, love people. It’s not that complicated.

  71. You are awesome. But if you want to listen to true crime podcasts privately while walking safely in your neighborhood check out bone conduction headphones. You can still hear everything around you perfectlt.

  72. So glad there are people out there in the world flying their freak flag like you do. My neighbors are mostly boring (I AM in San Francisco) rather than unpleasant. It would be lovely to have fairy pumpkins go go along with the concrete animals in the front yard. Definitely on the weirdness spectrum…right now half of the yard is covered with 4″ pots of weird plants all with labels. That backyard and greenhouse is all weird plants.

  73. I’m pretty sure I’m the weird neighbor. I say a lot of strange things out loud to the dog, before realizing people are walking by at just that moment. oops? But at least I’m not the screaming house or the “thinks he’s a garage DJ” house. You win some, you lose some. 🙂

  74. I feel like I’m always having to apologize for the shitty Christians, especially the ones I’m related to. They take what could be a beautiful and loving religion and turn it into judgey mess.

  75. “Christians” are bad. Specifically, my experience with Baptists has been terrible – to a one, they’ve all been huge liars. Sigh. If only the real Christians were predominant – you know, the ones who actually follow Christ’s message? This is why I don’t go to church.

    Good luck with the new neighbors! I love the acorn pumpkins – maybe you should leave a couple on their doorstep.

  76. Well my Christian ass loves your honest one, and let’s all share that rainbow! Why is kindness and decency so hard for people! I wish more people cared about being kind, and I also wish I had someone to leave an acorn Jack-o-lantern in my neighborhood!

  77. I love that you leave random art in public that a child might think is by fairies. I also love all of your stories. I’m totally socially awkward and shy about meeting new people but my extrovert husband is always trying to encourage me to go meet new neighbors or invite people on our walks or outings. It brings me peace to know that it’s not just me. I want more friends, but we need to trip over each other or something and then laugh about it because normal small talk just doesn’t move towards friendship for me.

  78. I miss seeing your posts. I’ve recently recovered from total replacement hip surgery which resulted in one leg being longer than the other now so I walk with a limp and my legs always hurt. Then my husband and I went on a fabulous two week cruise filled with walking excursions. So much pain…but worth it. Tonight I was having one of my all nighters which usually end with me buying a bunch of stuff I don’t need when I went on Facebook and saw your post on the grievous need to share rainbows and acorn faeries so I’m back on the Jenny wagon. Maybe if you were my neighbor I’d have someone on my level of weird to say a few words to now and again. I don’t talk to anyone except my hairdresser who is as crazy as I am so we have lunch sometimes. I’ve lived in my neighborhood for over six years and haven’t bonded with a soul which is weird because when we first moved in, the neighbor woman fell all over herself with excitement that she’d finally have someone to talk to. Now she doesn’t even look me in the eyes if we happen to be going to our cars at the same time. This is why I have a dog. At least he talks to me and it’s not all fake. Don’t ever change. You brighten so many people’s lives just by being you.

  79. Living next door to you would be an adventure every day!!! Also, I would have sent you all my acorns that the squirrels have been dropping on me (See Mutts comic if you wonder what I’m talking about), but my trees are scrub oaks so all the acorns elongated and you would have to figure out something else to make out of them. Nevertheless, I know you would come up with something spectacular!❤️

  80. Check out bone conduction headphones. They send sound through your head bones but leave your ear holes uncovered. Axe murderers can’t sneak up on you if your ear holes aren’t covered. It’s the law.

    And I would be so stoked to find a fairy jack-o’-lantern on my porch.

  81. I’m the weird, socially awkward pagan witch doing peaceful and loving spells and rituals in my yard for the earth, goddesses, ancestors, elves, and fairies. During one summer solstice, a judge-y hateful Christian neighbor was convinced I sacrificed a freaking black rabbit. Are you f**king kidding me, Sharon!?!? I would never harm an animal. I was burning herbs in giving thanks for the upcoming growing season and telling a story about the growing season to the kiddos in attendance to our celebration. She didn’t let her kids play with my kid after that despite me educating her on another way of spiritual practices. She also wouldn’t acknowledge the identity of the trans kid in our hood and kept calling him by his dead name. Be my neighbor so I don’t have to live by jerks like Sharon?

  82. Have you considered bone conduction headphones? Then you’d be able to keep your ears open while your skull vibrates at you about all the decapitation.

  83. Everything about this gives me life. Also “Those aren’t pecans!” please leave those on everyone’s porch, or in their mail boxes.

  84. I don’t like neighbors I can hit with a baseball…by which I mean living close enough to reach them and not a preference for the agile. But, if I lived in close quarters I’d imagine we’d get along famously.

  85. I’m not usually overtly weird or awkward but when I am there is usually an audience. The other day I saw a toad in my backyard when I was out with my dog and bent down to examine it. I spent a good 60 seconds trying to determine whether it was a toad or a piece of bark, and when I realized it was indeed a toad I smiled because I’ve never met a toad I didn’t like. I grinned at it for awhile (saying things like “Well hello there! Aren’t you adorable?”) before realizing that my dog was taking a shit about a foot and a half away, and that to my neighbor watering her garden next door I looked like I was absolutely delighted with what he was leaving on the grass. I yelled “It’s a toad!” but now I’m worried that what she heard was “It’s a turd!”

  86. I would love to have you as my neighbor! The acorn things are awesome!! I think the haunted dollhouse needs some. And the parks. And all the neighbors.

  87. I would love finding those on my porch! I would assume they were crow gifts and start trying to commune with the crows. I think we’d make great neighbors!

  88. So, love the fairy pumpkins, absolutely adorable and about those judgey Christians well that is the biggest oximoron (sp) ever on accounta I don’t think you can be a true Christian and be judgmental. l am a Christian-in-progress, which means I just keep trying, and I have to have faith that when those so-called Christians are in front of God, it’ll be like “What in the world were you thinking?” Of course, I am a Christian who believes in Karma so I’m thinking they’ll get theirs before its time to meet God.

    You just keep being you!

  89. I didn’t know that listening on headphones is how they get you!! Thanks!!! ☺️❤️

  90. Are your acorns stripey? Cuz they aren’t striped around here. Also, my phone wants to autocorrect acorns to scrotum. My phone likes to embarrass me.

  91. I’d say I’d love to be your neighbor, but it wouldn’t matter because I’m certain we would each just awkwardly wave and continue to otherwise ignore the existence of the other!

  92. You just described my history with my neighbors. I love you most dearly Jenny. Thank you for everything you do.

  93. No need to apologize! We know they’re making us look bad. We’re sorry they’re being mean to you (and you know, the whole world).

  94. Jenny, I used to walk with headphones in. One day I took them out to change CDs (walkman) and a van WHIZZED by me. On a back road in a subdivision. Speed limit was like 3 mph. One dance step to the left and I would have been a goner. So never again. Plus I would LOVE to be your neighbor. We could have so much fun, until you filed the restraining order 😘😘😘

  95. I live in South Florida and I would love for you to be my neighbor. We don’t have any acorns but coconuts are all over our yard and they would make excellent Jack O Laterns.

  96. We have new neighbors and I don’t think they have caught me talking out loud to myself while I garden yet . . .

  97. Oh Jenny, I would love to be your neighbour, but I couldn’t possibly ever live in the States period, let alone Texas, so please won’t you move to Canada and be MY neighbour?

  98. We’re the weird neighbors in on our street. I’m the one talking to lizards, butterflies and birds. Cats that follow me around the yard,..and I scold them like little kids. “Don’t be mean to each other…” It’s okay. Fly your freak flag proudly. My neighbors seem to enjoy it. Or like to believe they do…

  99. I would love to live next to you! Except that as a Canadian, I would probably instantly melt into a puddle when I reach Texas.

  100. You could live next to me and scream about axe murderers. But there wouldn’t be acorns for fairy jackolanterns because I live in Canada. and it’d be really cold. But we do have neighborhood bunnies and my neighbors are from Scotland and they have the cutest Daschunds that get so mad if my dad doesn’t go say hi to them, so there are benefits to my neighborhood. 😀

  101. Totally agree with you about shitty Christians (says the lapsed Catholic who avoids plaid due to Catholic school PTSD). And the acorn pumpkins are magical!

    But I actually may have a solution for you re: podcasts. I was at a tech conference for work recently and the vendor floor had a demo for bone conduction ‘headphones’. I first heard about these in the 90s, I think? So I wanted to try.

    They kind of look like a reverse set of glasses where the important stuff is what hooks over the ear. The brand I tried was Aftershokz – probably their top tier but I dunno, I didn’t look that deep. They leave your ears open and it was fantastic! I could completely hear the music that was playing, but also the conversation with the rep, and surprisingly I could track both quite well. So it may be something to look into – here’s a link to the Aftershokz store on Amazon:

  102. So lucky for you, you don’t live near me, because if I heard you were looking for acorns for fairy jack o lanterns. I would have given you the entire history of my friends very cool fairy garden, and how long we’d known each other and this great story I read about this women who left notes as a fairy for her neighbor during quarantine, and then dressed up as a fairy for the little girls birthday, and then you’d get to be the one edging away as I got more awkward from oversharing.

  103. I love you and we should be friends. All my friends are wierdos. I insist on it. Also jack-o-lanterns for fairies are an adorable idea.

  104. I love you! I would adore to living in your neighborhood, though I’d usually be too nervous to talk to you beyond “Hey, how’s it going?” because talking to neighbors is awkward and intimidating. But I think you’d get that, so we could wave and smile, and if it were necessary to have a conversation about fallen trees or something, we could do that by text.

  105. I’m just discovering your blog because I have been Rip Van Winkling for a while.

    I am actually glad that we are not neighbors because if I found tiny acorn Jack O Lanterns I might spend a long time looking for genius squirrels with tiny paint brushes. And then someone would ask me what I was doing and only then would I realize how ridiculous squirrels painting sounds and I’d have to try to play it off by saying something like “Well of course squirrels can’t paint! But if not them, do you think it could have been chipmunks?” And then my neighbors would see through my veil of pretend normalcy that I’ve worked super hard at.

    Warn me if you are ever coming to Philadelphia 🙂

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