Ten points to whoever guesses what I was trying to say.

You’re not helping, autocorrect. Part 987:


115 thoughts on “Ten points to whoever guesses what I was trying to say.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. KFC! Colonel Sanders! Of course… Now I want chicken..

    (You win! And now I do too. Well, mashed potatoes, but still. ~ Jenny)

  2. PSA: Colonel Sanders may result in colon sadness.

    (Autocorrect was like, “I SAID WHAT I SAID.” ~ Jenny)

  3. Well, colonialism is rather sad. What do we really know about Colonel Sanders anyway, aside from whatever is written in that horrifying romance novella KFC put out in 2020?

    (Did you know he was a “helpful but unlicensed obstetrician” who delivered babies with lard and vaseline? THIS IS A TRUE AND HORRIFYING STORY. ~ Jenny)

  4. Not to put too fine a point on it, but “colonial sadness” is really pretty spot on. Well done, autodestruct.

    (Autocorrect throwing out uncomfortable truths. ~ Jenny)

  5. Colonel sanders and colon sadness really do seem like they’re one in the same tbh

  6. Well, undercooked chicken can lead to colon sadness of a sort. And I imagine it may have been easier to mistakenly under cook chicken in colonial times, so …

  7. I think that’s your punishment for saying “Colonel Sanders” because who’s going to say that versus KFC?? js….

  8. Well, I’m having my first colonoscopy next week. So I think I’m going to know all about colon sadness in just a few days. Don’t think anyone wants me to bring it to them, though.

  9. I mean, it’s funny you say “Colonel Sanders,” when EVEN Kentucky Fried Chicken changed it to KFC.

  10. Wondering what kind of upsurge in KFC runs we’re going to see as a result of this lol – (she says as she heads to the car)

  11. OMG! Colon sadness! Sounds like something I would say. The autocorrect on my phone once changed chicken to children so my message read that I was making bbq children for dinner not chicken! Lol!

  12. My husband texted me something last week that came out through voice to text as “cue I’m sorry processor to Fucktard no problem orchids”.

    Apparently it was something about booking his covid booster but we have no idea what precisely resulted in that…

  13. Some days the blog posts just write themselves… with a little help from autokaput. 🙂

  14. Colonel Sanders. I feel I speak Jenny Lawson fairly fluently. It’s a pretty good second language to take on!

  15. ‘It help if you imagine autocorrect as a tiny little elf in your phone who’s trying so hard to be helpful bit is actually quite drunk’ — don’t know who this orignated from, but I keep the text in my phone to share when texts go awry…

  16. He caused and participated in a shootout that left one person dead although Sanders “only” wounded someone. Sanders had been painting ads on the side of a gas station and the station owner didn’t like it, so he painted over the ads. Sanders apparently had a temper and decided to bring a gun to a brush fight.

  17. Could these all be names of taxidermied creatures owned by you that you want to bring to a party? Colon Sadness the constipated fox, Colonial Sadness his monocle wearing brother, Colonel Sadness the army fox and Jesus Christ the chicken. I think I’m right.

  18. Once I was trying to type “Applebees” (probably to complain about them) and autocorrect threw in “spikenard”. I’m not even going to define it, I think Jenny likes fun new words…

  19. Idk about you but KFC gives me terribly smelly gas, perhaps your autocorrect reads in between the lines? 😂 Also read between the lines would be a great book something to look at from your previous ones. 😂 just thought of this while writing!

  20. Re: comment #33 – I chortled at “KFC runs” on a post about colon sadness.

  21. Good grief. I understand autocorrect-ese. I’m bilingual. Pass me a chicken wing.

  22. (Did you know he was a “helpful but unlicensed obstetrician” who delivered babies with lard and vaseline? THIS IS A TRUE AND HORRIFYING STORY. ~ Jenny)
    We can only hope this isn’t how he came up with his special recipe.

  23. We refer to fried chicken, from anywhere, as dead chicken. It does lead to the from where question but it is accurate.

  24. I give you 20 points for not using KFC. I say, let’s all slow down and right full words – that way auto correct (and you) can continue to make us laugh.

  25. wendyzski at # 35: This is hysterical. I’m having an awful day, tired, stressed, looming deadlines at work, dealing with insurance co and attorney and doctors due to a car wreck, at the end of my rope…and then I read this. THANK YOU. I’ve read it at least 10 times and will continue to do so, laughing continuously. I would have bet money that no one could make me laugh out loud today, but you did it!!

  26. The best part is that she said, “yes, pls,” without hesitation.

    But not sure how to interpret that. Hopefully it’s a sign of complete and total trust. Cause I would have serious doubts about anyone who cheerfully said, “sure, gimme some o’ that good ol’ colon sadness.”

  27. Frankly, I think I have the colon sadness. I’ve had it for years, and wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. Look elsewhere for lunch, Hailey.

  28. Autocorrect often reveals our devices subconscious. Like colonel sanders leads to colon sadness of eaten too often or undercooked.
    Maybe your device is sad because it can’t eat KFC.

  29. Is KFC still a thing in the US? I’m in Ottawa, and we have one (that I know of, there maybe more), but it’s a sad, desolate place where dreams go to die.

  30. Colonel Sanders – but I love colon sadness SO MUCH! It’s SO true if you eat Colonel Sanders chicken (at least for me) LOL

  31. Looks like chicken sandwich to me… I usually think I’m the queen of typos when texting, but I think you won this round!

  32. Mmmmmm….Fried chicken!! (aka Colonel Sanders) Crap! Now I’m hungry. 😂

  33. OMG thank you for sharing this. I am preparing for my first horse show at the jumper level and my anxiety is basically making me nonfunctional.

  34. Mine keeps telling me there’s something called “holy ship.” And, my phone talks a lot about duck.

  35. Colon sadness is what follows eating Colonel Sanders chicken. Just sayin’ 😖😱

  36. Ummm, did your offspring day “yes please” to colon sadness??? I’m gonna have to call that a parenting fail. (Or Hailey just really embraces new experiences? Parenting win? )

  37. Is that some newfound way that they are trying to remind you it’s time for your routine colonoscopy? I know it’s KFC, but it wouldn’t surprise me if they were hiding a prep kit under the chicken wings in one of those take-out buckets. (And yes, definitely do that test, it can and does save lives)

  38. I’m thinking the fact that Hailey said “yes pls” instead of “wtf?” indicates this is not the first time this has happened…

  39. Colonel Sanders, and the auto correct was right the first time. 😂😂

  40. I don’t know, the funniest part might be your refusal to switch to “KFC” after multiple tries. On a side note, I once had a word autocorrect to “cadaveric.” Why is that word even an option through autocorrect? I mean, it’s kind of cool in a creepy sort of way, but why?!?!?!

  41. Definitely the Colonel. In fairness, autocorrect probably hates that word because in no world does the spelling make sense 🙂

    My phone likes to substitute cocksure for chocolate. Highly questionable behavior. I think it’s a vote for Beyonce 🙂

    *This is the first sentence where I intentionally used that word. Ever.

  42. Any chance you were at Georgetown and going to Wisey’s (neighborhood sandwich shop) for Chicken Madness?

  43. I’m currently chuckling at all the “autocorrect fails” in the responses. And eating chicken. And anticipating a little colon sadness later. 👀💩

  44. I’m dead, so dead!! I’m lmao!!! Srsly!! Usually if you click the “x” over the wrong word it’ll accept that as a a known word. I guess, idk. And why does it change it to “Holy Ship” instead of “Holy Saint”, would make more sense at least!

  45. Voice dictation once had me sending a shopping list to my mom with 223 frozen chicken tikka masalas on it (versus two to three)…. We almost had to have a “bring your own microwave” party.

  46. Colonel Sanders.
    But…why not just call it KFC…you know, the actual name. LoL

  47. Bologna sandwich? 😂 I’m going with my gut. Why type out such a long word when KFC is so short.

  48. Oh please tell me that you’re addicted to the Famous Bowls with extra gravy just like me!!! My poor husband who thinks that kilbasse with chilli on top of it (heartburn, say I) is the top of the culinary heap looks down on my beloved Famous Bowl like its something that landed from Planet Melmac…..he’s such a Neanderthal!

  49. Well, Colonel Sanders would give me colon sadness, so I think maybe autocorrect was just trying to warn you. 😀

  50. My autocorrect favorite was Okey Donkey when I was trying to say Okey Dokey

  51. more than his chicken, I love Colon Sadness’ COLESLAW. Man, what is in that stuff?

  52. Late to the party, but “Colonel Sanders” is my guess. Though in my experience, Colonel Sanders usually = colon sadness, so autocorrect might be onto something.

  53. I one pocket texted my husband straight up jibberish and he just responded with “did you have a stroke?” So……

  54. Maybe autocorrect is more like us than we actually think, just faster. My first guess was colonel sanders, and even though it was correct I started getting guess envy at things I wished I had thought of instead of admitting to myself that KFC was part of my go-to thought process.

  55. To Alex #47 — in the shooting you read about, the business rival shot first and killed one of Sanders’ coworkers. Sanders used the dead man’s gun in self-defense. The business rival was injured, convicted & went to prison.

  56. Good grief I get put in deck before the coffee hit bottom. Sorry about that.

  57. You would like some grease and mayo. Translates into meat and greens. Translates into a ball of Keto poop.

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