This morning as I was taking Hailey to school I noticed something on the lawn of our neighbor across the street:
I swear to God it wasn’t us though.
He’s joking. I think.
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This month’s book club picks are fire. For @fantasticstrangelings we have Lucky Red by @claudia.cravens and for @nightmaresfromnowhere we’re sending you Dead Eleven by @jimmyjulianobooks
Advice from Dorothy Barker: Go outside and find the sunset. Touch the grass. Bark at squirrels. Pee aggressively while staring at the neighbors. Eat a bug. The usual.
Instagram makes suggested reels based on old content and I assume most people have beautiful vacation photos or wedding compilations, but this is what they suggested for me.
Sitting in ihop after graduation and “who’s gonna drive you home” comes over the sound system and now I’m lightly weeping into my pancakes but I’M FINE.
ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:
I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:
This reminds me of an ugly incident last year with my nutty neighbor who sent me hate mail about me having grass and how fertilizer is poison and shit yet SHE has grass…..I really really wanted to burn “bitch” into her yard with grass killer but was too chicken…..
The best possible use of weed killer.
Do it in fertilizer… it stays greener than the rest of the lawn and is a bigger pain to remove. It also takes them longer to find it. I had a cousin do this to an uncle during their Texas/OU battle one year.
It looks like they just left something sitting there too long. Buuuut…since it is already there, maybe it could be turned into an artistic statement?
Umm … did you do it? It does seem like something you might do. Maybe you did it in your sleep.
(I SWEAR I DIDN’T. They actually had a large part of the yard redone a few weeks ago and I suspect those were just squares that didn’t seed properly. But now I kind of want to write things on my yard. Like, “HAVE A NICE DAY” or “NO POOPING PLEASE.” ~ Jenny)
I wish someone would surprise me with something like this. My yard embellished with the first letter of my name? Yes, please.
Well played,Jenny. Way to one up your neighbor, even though you “didn’t do it”. *wink*
I grew up on a farm. Llamas like to pick a poop spot & always go there until the poop pile is 3’ tall. Then they pick a new spot. For years afterwards the grass in That spot will be 3x as tall & green as the rest of the grass. If you want any letters made of super intense grass instead of dead grass, get your hands on some llama poop. Or just a live llama, that would be fun.
More drama.
Add an O V E R
Wait, you want to write “NO POOPING PLEASE.” ?
You’re against pooping in general? Like, universally? I mean, everyone has their soapbox, I guess.
The lady doth protest too much…?
Off-topic: Video for you to see: https://twitter.com/jessi_asli/status/1517252077151567872?cxt=HHwWgIC-1bauro4qAAAA
I like Kim’s thought…(#9 in comments.) Another good one might be to add:
I C K
M E.
I don’t believe you.
Lol. He should put pretty stones to fill it in. They have glow in the dark stones that would look really cool 😀
Did you try blaming it on the cats?
I would like a “no pooping” sign on my condo’s lawn. Somehow all of the condo complex’s dog owners have decided my front lawn is where they can not clean up after their dogs.
Could be the dogs… the cats aren’t responsible for ALL the mayhem in the world…
Love the fertilizer idea. May just do that on my own lawn so my red neighbors can see how I’ll be voting come midterms.
Oh Jenny. You never fail to make me laugh…. And yet again these comments are glorious
I work at a high school, & occasionally after a snowstorm, a penis outline will appear in the snow. One year the outline appeared in weed killer. Of course, this is the school that made national news once because a sign was posted out by the football field boasting our excellent “pubic education.” Which is a lie. Our pubic areas are adequate at best. And a senior prank a several years ago changed the field from “Horn Field” to “Porn Field.”
It looks like a set of sod pieces that didn’t take.
Cats like to mark their territory in the spring.
amethystheart38 – that was my first thought. Then I remembered who posted this . . .
It wasn’t you… all the folks posting rational arguments about what could have happened are missing out on the fun I think.
I appreciate that Victor had the courtesy to ask instead of jumping to conclusions. It’s a sign of personal growth I feel.
So what you are claiming it’s that you don’t have a well trained army of house cats 🐈⬛ that you send out in the cover of darkness to urinate your initials on your neighbor’s lawns?
Are you insinuating that they would know the privilege that they are currently enjoying by having a world renowned author as a neighbor?
Someone needed to label the left and right sides of the street. Easy.
Better yet, go ninja and spread some creeping Charlie. It’ll be there for life!
I saw an L burned into the lawn directed at your house and thought, ‘how rude, certainly there are better ways to suggest your neighbor is a loser’…maybe you could burn a W in your lawn to show the other neighbors you’re taking the high road.
If you want your yard to say no pooping please, it would be a nice touch of irony if you did it with manure/poop. Just sayin.
My husband told me a story of when he worked at Walmart as a teenager. Him and his friend were told to get rid of damaged tiki torch fuel by dumping it outside. His friend decided to draw penises and write their initials while squirting it out. They had a NASCAR event a few days later outside… needless to say their manager was less than pleased and knew for sure it was them when all the fuel killed the grass and exposed the not so wholesome images.
LMGO… laughing my grass off
Have you tried saying the cats did it? dumb ways to die
Have you tried saying the cats did it? dumb ways to die
dumb ways to die
laughing my grass off