So I have this habit of recording “brilliant” thoughts on my phone late at night after I’ve been drinking and then I forget to go back to them so my phone notes are filled with years of bizarre run-on sentences or strange threats that I don’t entirely remember writing. Hailey recently found them and couldn’t stop laughing, although I suspect that they are laughing at me rather than with me, and they said that I really should share this so for the next week or two while I’m working on a writing project I am going to share some of the ridiculous deep-thoughts I thought were worthy of recording and now question entirely.
Is the ocean salty because it’s mostly fish pee? Wait…is pee salty? I mean, tears are so I’m going to say yes. Unless it’s fish tears but probably not because what do fish have to cry about? Other than the fact that they have to swim around in urine all day. Wait a minute. I think I just solved the ocean.
I don’t know why anyone uses any chapstick flavor other than peppermint because that shit really lets your lips know they’re alive. It’s a like a reminder to them that they should be excited to be lips, an honestly I appreciate that.
I think if I had an emotional support pig when I was a kid my life would’ve ended up much differently.
“Gonna go irrigate the lady garden” is pretty much the best way to say you have to go pee. I should patent that. The term, I mean. Not peeing. Unless I can patent that too.