Notes I wrote myself, part 2.

Continuing my series of bizarre notes I wrote on my phone while probably not sober:

It’s weird that nobody knows the exact entomology for the word “hushpuppy.” Wait, is “hushpuppy” two words? Also, I don’t think “entomology” is the word I’m looking for but I can’t remember the entomology of the word that I’m looking for though. Fuck it. I give up. But I do want to point out that I am aware that entomology is bugs. I know I’m using the word wrong and I think I should get at least half credit for that.

I bet “Flamely” would be a really good name for a boy. I should have another baby.

I found cookies in the freezer that I forgot I had and I’m pretty sure this is proof that I am God’s favorite.

A band is just a gang with fewer knives. And more more music, I guess. Probably more about the music than the knives now that I think about it.

I want the GPS voice in my car to say “You’re doing a great job.” “Nice one stopping at that yield sign, you absolute titan.” “Take a left here and your hair looks amazing, by the way.”

If I had a nickel for every time I backed my car over the trash can I’d have three nickels, which isn’t a lot of money but still seems excessive.

Are you less ticklish if you have tylenol? Because it makes your skin less sensitive to pain so wouldn’t it also make it less sensitive to tickling? Is there a medicine for tickling? If there was a shot for it I would totally take that shot.

Why isn’t the past-tense of “glow” “glewd”? Because it should be.

I wonder if you can finish netflix?

49 thoughts on “Notes I wrote myself, part 2.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Etymology is the word your possibly drunk self was looking for.

    And I love all of these. Maybe I should start doing this for my exhausted ideas

  2. I want that GPS, too. The closest I have gotten so far is changing the voice to a British man who I alternate calling Jeeves and Jarvis.

  3. So the past tense of low should be lewd? I’m ok with that.

    Also, the question is would you want to finish Netflix? There is some true trash on there.

  4. I find cookies in other people’s freezers but they are usually pot cookies – and, yes, I am the sort of person who has to be warned to not eat those cookies because if they were regular cookies I would totally eat them. Wait – maybe people are LYING about the cookies being pot cookies. Freezer cookies = newly discovered trust issues for me

  5. Those stories about how hushpuppies got their name are largely made up, which is called “folk etymology,” which I think is a pretty cool phrase itself.

  6. I’m currently working on finishing netflix it’s kinda a goal of mine 😂😂😂😂

  7. Someone pls add those GPS phrases. I need this yesterday. And if Cookie Monster voice can be used for daily affirmations, I’m all in.

  8. You can never finish Netflix because they are always dropping shows and movies and then six months later they pick them up again.

    I think Flamely would grow up to be a pyromaniac so maybe not.

  9. I cheer up just seeing you’ve posted something. You absolutely should get credit for this plus extra extra credit. Laughing after the read – thank you! And in case anyone hasn’t told you yet today, you are awesome.

  10. I changed my GPS and Siri to a male voice with an Australian accent. He doesn’t even have to tell me my hair looks nice. He can read the phone book or give me directions to hell for all I care when I listen to him. Sigh. Now I need to go for a drive.

  11. You can tell Siri to do things automatically. I have it set up to say hello to me when I get in the car.

  12. You know they have celebrities do custom GPS voices, right? You’re totally a celebrity. Make the GPS voice we all need. And your hair looks amazing, you titan.

  13. People who confuse entomolgy and etymology bug me in a way I can’t put into words. 😉

  14. I’m going to need to start drinking more. There: bucket list item. How will I know when I’ve achieved it?

  15. I used to have shoes that were hush puppy brand, they were very soft greige colored suede desert style or chukka boots

    Bugs and word beginnings makes sense, I’m sure the first words that early humans made up were in reference to bugs.

    Flamely, is definitely a pyromaniac.

    Freezer cookies? I’ve never had an occasion to put cookies in the freezer, but frozen chocolate bars are fantastic, as are frozen seedless grapes. When you are so hot and sweaty that you don’t want to eat, those two items get me through the doldrums.

    Gangs and bands have many similarities, with music or knives or drugs ratio depending on their favorite things.

    I don’t like my gps telling me anything, I prefer to not have my devices talking or listening to me. But I love looking at a map for landmarks and then keeping my eyes peeled for them on the way.

    Your trash can must be jealous of your vehicle for going fun places without them.

    My mom used to have sock stealing tickle battles with her kids when we were little, even though she hates being tickled. But we used to have so much fun scooting around on our knees trying to avoid the tickle and sock stealing, and trying to steal her socks and tickle her. I never found Tylenol to protect against tickling.

    The past tense of glow is definitely glewd or glowed.

    Netflix is an infinite time suck with ever changing titles, just when you think you might conquer it, it morphs and adds or takes away titles.

  16. My GPS is a male British voice because if you’re going to tell me where to go, I better like at least the way you sound!. Heather Feather – I totally LOVE your name.

  17. I love these. I have lists in my phone of things that I want to remember. A lot of quotes that I have read here and there. Quite a few of them are quotes of yours…

  18. Several years ago I added enough stuff to my queue on Netflix that a screen popped up telling me it was full. But I guess that’s more not finishing Netflix

  19. It took a really long time for my normally quick and clever Vulcan to realize that I had named British Voice Guy from the GPS, then one day, I said “Thank you, Miles”

    “Wait– oh my god, I get it now– MILES?!”

    “Actually, his name is Miles Rhodes, if you’re gonna get all familiar about it there, matey.”

    30+ years ago, I tripped balls on acid all alone, and decided I needed to keep a notepad nearby so I could write down all the brilliant and amazing revelations I was destined to have. I ended up watching a LOT of TV, and I must have watched and episode of the 80’s reboot of “The Jetsons” (which I didn’t know existed), because the ONLY thing I written down was “THE JETSONS ARE IMPOSTORS! THERE IS NO ORBITTY!”

    Your Pal,

    Storm the Klingon

  20. Dying laughing! You are hilarious. I have some of the same kind of random thoughts too.

  21. My GPS would be saying things like, “How many times do I need to say it? Turn right!” or “You are an idiot! Get out of the car now! “ or “That’s it! I’m done! Find your own way.”

  22. I was driving into town where there is one of those radar “Your Speed is” signs, that flashes in red “SLOW DOWN” when you are going over the limit. I happened to be going under the limit and it said,”Your hair looks nice” in green letters.

  23. I was using the GPS on an island and I caused it to have a nervous breakdown. It kept saying, “As soon as possible, make a u-turn.” But I didn’t. And then it said, “Make a u-turn now.” I still didn’t…and then it went totally silent and didn’t speak until the next day. I think it believed that I had driven into the ocean and was dead.

  24. When you ask our GPS to give directions to “home” it responds, “It will be nice to be home.”

  25. Re: gangs and bands, I think West Side Story is the overlapping part of that venn diagram. Music and knives are equally important, as is the name of an object that is neither a gang nor a band but makes them both sound cooler. B-B-B-Bennie and the Jets

  26. Deep thoughts: (1). why is it a cervical color and a cervical exam are at totally different parts of the body? (2). The difference between a religion and a cult is the number of believers. (3). Being able to pay for something and being able to afford it are two different things.

  27. I asked a relative who was driving me somewhere if I needed to get Siri to give us directions. She said “No, I know where I’m going.” Siri then chimed in with “I should hope so.”

    Did you know that a group of flamingos is called a “flamboyance”?

  28. I want to change Siri’s name. I found one person online who claimed to change it to “Alfred,” but only after asking ten times in a row. Sadly, it only worked on early iPhones, apparently.

  29. I backed down a client’s long steep driveway and clear across the street, smacking my bumper into their neighbor’s brick column mailbox? I’d only have a nickel, the mailbox was unharmed, but it left a huge hole in my bumper cover. So many negative nickels.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: