UPDATED: THIS IS probably NOT MY VAGINA, TWITTER. (Previously entitled: Welcome to my android vagina)

This week I had my first ever bone density scan and that was nice except that the tech printed the results out for me and it’s just a bunch of pictures of my vagina?

Like, just how breakable is my vagina?  I didn’t even know this was a concern.

Also, it says I’m part android:


  This seems like something the doctor should have talked to me about. 

One of my biggest reasons for going to to the doctor was my concern about my bad memory being early-onset dementia since it runs in my family but he didn’t think it was an issue. He did mention that maybe viagra could help ward off my chances of getting dementia in the future because some study recently showed that men who took viagra were less likely to get dementia, which is interesting but it also seems like me taking viagra is exactly the sort of thing that would get me committed to a memory home because they’re gonna be like, “This bitch can’t even remember she doesn’t have a penis. Clearly she needs to be here.”  And then I’d be like, “No, I remember that I have a vagina.  A very breakable one, apparently.   Possibly an android vagina.  Would you like to see pictures? Because I have them.”  And then I’m definitely getting committed to the memory home, but the one my granny was in was pretty nice so I guess that’s fine.

Also, I’m sharing the X-ray vag pic on here because people love nude pics and this is the most nude you can get. Basically it’s my “only fans” page, but for free. Someone pressures you for nudes pics?  Take mine. Help yourself.  YOU’RE WELCOME.

UPDATED: Okay, so several of you pointed out that I seem to be missing my pelvis altogether in this picture and that maybe this image is just my hip bones with my android vagina removed for modesty sake and I was about to admit that you might be right because I did think this made me look thinner than expected but then twitter was like, “YOU CAN’T JUST SHOW YOUR LADY GARDEN TO THE WORLD, YA BIG WHORE.”:

Technically they just said that they were hiding the tweet from the public because of “nudity” but if twitter thinks it’s nudity then I’m pretty sure any guy you send it to is going to think the same thing.

75 thoughts on “UPDATED: THIS IS probably NOT MY VAGINA, TWITTER. (Previously entitled: Welcome to my android vagina)

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Sitting here at desk at work and wheezing from trying to laugh quietly. Thank you for the Friday funny!

  2. This is my motto for now: “I don’t have dementia, I am just demented”. I hope to remember this. It could be iffy….

  3. Snort laughing at “This birch doesn’t even remember she doesn’t have a penis!” I so needed a laugh today.

  4. This explains a lot. On the plus side, you have % fat! Also, you can make some serious circus money with all of the vaginas. Your own tent! Victory is a lucky man.

  5. I feel like there needs to be a “fully functional and programmed in multiple techniques” joke in here somewhere.

  6. Most concerning: “android” literally means “looks like a man.” Make of this what you will.

  7. Jenny, I found this: On a DEXA scan you will see that it calculates the android gynoid ratio. Android is described as fat distribution around the mid-section, so around the waist (belly button). Gynoid is the fat distribution around the hips, this region is situated around the top of the thighs. However, I like your description better!

  8. 1. This of course led to a Wikipedia article about android fat – fascinating.
    2. The fat % looked insanely high until #1 – looks pretty normal to me.
    3. “Nude Pics” Now I want to get an x-ray so I can send nude pics to friends and family!

    Note: Certain psych meds cause memory loss

  9. “I don’t have dementia, just a paranoid android vagina, thanks.”
    And Android Vagina is definitely a great band name for a female electronic group.

  10. I once had some jackass e-mail me wanting pictures of “shaved pussy”…so I sent him a picture of my 6-month-old cat, Jezebel, with her belly freshly shaved after her spay surgery, and the comment “Here you go–*underage* shaved pussy!” Needless to say, I never heard from him again…

  11. I laughed so hard I almost knocked my coffee off the desk. Your humor is hilarious!!

  12. That was ppssibly one of the most amazing titles ever. I really needed that pick me up today. My baby is (still) pooping blood related to a dietary intolerance to probably cow dairy that I eat and apparently inadvertently feed him through my milk. So my milk is to… dairyful. And my dog is going to the vet again because her rear end won’t stop leaking poop. So I have 2 in diapers. One human. One dog. Yay!

  13. I’m getting my first ever scan on Tuesday, so this post was very timely and helpful (also, hubba-hubba, yo).

  14. Hey! Maybe you’re the bionic woman now! That could come in handy! I’m not sure I’m into all this “and here’s a souvenir from your medical procedure” thing–I currently have pictures of my colon, my knee…WHERE DOES IT END???

  15. I could use an android vagina today–naughty cat (Chase–the most appropriate name ever) tried to kill me by pushing me down the basement stairs! Also…android butt and android ankle would be good

  16. I don’t want an android vagina, but I WOULD like to have my consciousness uploaded into a robot body when/if this ever actually becomes a thing, which then I WOULD have an android vagina. Assuming they didn’t mistakenly upload my consciousness into the Danny DeVito model of robot instead of the Cindy Crawford model. Because with my luck, that’s what would happen. I would spend eternity trapped in a squatty, ugly little robot body instead of a tall, gorgeous super model one. Which actually, now that I think about it, would be entirely fitting as I’ve already spent my life in a squatty little HUMAN body.

  17. I was showing people the MRI of my lumbar stenosis/ herniated discs purposely to get sympathy and/or accolades for my strength and courage for carrying on with my life, but all I got was uncomfortable looks, which hurt my feelings. Now I know why! They thought I was showing them nude pictures of my lower back and butt! And I am over 70, so it was even worse than I imagined for them!

  18. Jenny, you can now say you have a lady ROCK garden. Or your lady garden is rock solid? Just not rock hard. 🤣🤣

  19. No penis here either, but I also take Viagra…for my Reynauds syndrome (aka really poor circulation so my fingers & toes turn purple)….super awkward when I’m picking up my perscription from the pharmacy!

  20. You’ve GOTTA take your Samsung phone out of your hoohah. Then again, maybe you’ve got it on vibrate, in which case….

  21. Android Vagina is the perfect name for an all female punk rock band.
    Love that this is your “nude” picture!

  22. I had a recent bone density scan done, but I don’t think they included a photo..so I don’t have any vag photos! Maybe mine is too ‘Frankensteinish’ to take a photo of and they didn’t want to scare me with it! Y’all?! I have a FrankenVag!! 😱
    I’ll have to check my results again to see if mine mentions Android.

  23. I don’t know if you know who the artist Christine McConnell is, but she would totally turn your android vagina into a stunning spooky crafting moment. 😆 I follow her on Patreon and here’s her youtube if anyone is curious:


    If I knew how to print out my sacral and cervical spine MRI images I would slap those into Victorian style frames and BAM… turn my pain into art… errr…Halloween decor!…Yeah! 😆

    Hope your health is a-okay Jenny-brain, android vagina and all!

  24. Fun fact: Viagra is a vasodilator, which is used to open up blood vessels and help increase blood flow. It’s SUPPOSED to be for people with heart problems but they discovered it works for dicks, so now that’s all anyone knows about it. When I was first diagnosed with Pulmonary Hypertension, that’s the first thing they gave me! 😂

  25. Welcome to My Android Vagina totally sounds like the name of a Janelle Monae album! 🤖

  26. I just had an erection of my pelvic bone. I am not sure I have one, but in case I have it, there it goes.

  27. My mother just died from dementia. My grandmother died from it in 1998. I have concerns. I totally understand yours.

  28. “Someone pressures you for nudes pics? Take mine. Help yourself. YOU’RE WELCOME.” Love this and love the idea of this. Imagine asking someone for nude pics and then getting this. hahahaha

  29. Can I just say I adore you?!?!?! You make me laugh, even when I don’t feel like laughing! Thank you for showing us all of your sides, the good, the bad and your android vagina!

  30. My husband had a brain scan and afterward the doctor wrote on a copy, “brain appears normal”. Chuck was very proud of that and kept it in case he ever needed proof. I told him “appears” is the operative term…

  31. I’ve never heard of the Viagra thing and I’m thinking I should do something. It runs in my family, too (just lost my aunt this month to it) and my memory has become awful.

  32. WTF is up with your tail bone? Why is one side longer than the other? Do you sit lopsided? Does it hurt? Maybe that’s the “android” part? You are the MOST interesting person in the world….

  33. Couldn’t stop laughing and the comments were just a hysterical…….what a bunch! Your peeps are so clever……

  34. I don’t (think) I know many, but you’re definitely my favorite android. I’m not a doctor, but the fact that your tissue is 102.5% fat makes me think your medical tech should have paid more attention to his math teachers.

  35. Awe. Hope you don’t have any bone, hip or vag issues. Android part is weird for sure. I am always fascinated with xrays and scans. Reminds me to get copy of a sinus scan from 20 yrs ago. Hmm
    One thing I do miss about having a classroom is having xrays as decor. Little kids loved seeing hands, feet, other parts, skulls etc reflect on light tables or in windows. So fun.

  36. Android Pelvis has long been my band name for when I get a band. Note I’m 58 and can’t sing, but I’ve got that back of The Village Voice punk band name all ready.

  37. I am currently growing further $19k or extra month-to-month from domestic through doing extraordinarily sincere and clean task online from domestic. I actually have obtained specifically $20845 ultimate month from this domestic task.~tg99~ be a district of currently this task and start making more money online through observe coaching at the given website…….. http://earnstreet24.blogspot.com

  38. Not to be a party pooper, but your vagina is definitely not in this picture. It’s just cutouts of your left and right femur put next to each other. That would be an impossibly narrow pelvis, otherwise…
    Still made me laugh, as always!

  39. I, too, went for an mri for early onset dementia fears. Turns out I needed vitamin D and B12. Noticed a huge difference. Thanks for the vag shot

  40. Ok, I started having bone density exams almost 8 years ago after a stress fracture in my foot (more than one of them on my 5th metatarsal bone, my foot doctor called them “rings on tree”) I was in my early 40’s then. Since then I get them every two years because osteoporosis, and I’M SO JEALOUS RIGHT NOW! I never get vagina or any other pics after my scans. Just a boring report with t and z scores. I am SO going to complain next time!!!

  41. I had to know about the “android” thing. It isn’t as interesting as I was hoping. The “android” is about fat being stored in the abdomen. (android, androgen, related terms) The other fat is “gynoid” – get it “gyno” and is the fat around the breasts, thighs, and buttocks. (Saying “buttocks” always makes me think of Forrest Gump.)

  42. The funniest part to me here is this is just the two hip sockets imaged and placed next to each other (the butt looking thing is the two the femur heads, no pelvis is shown). The reason why it’s SO funny is this would be the imaging equivalent of sending a photo of knees and pretending they are boobs, or an elbow crease as a vag – a fakeout image. In this case it would be multiple fakeouts stacked – which – love it!!

  43. I too am concerned about dementia, in my case because of my Mother. Here is the test my doctor gave me: If you look at your car keys and know they are car keys, you are good. If you look at your car keys and wonder if they are the ketchup you were looking for, then you have a problem. Evidently never being able to find the f-ing keys no biggie.

  44. I mean, if they think this is nudity what do they think that Tommy Lee post is?

  45. Pffft. Yahoo once banned a comment I made on their story about teenage boy employees getting caught urinating in the restaurant’s ice machine. I got banned because I used the word “urinate.”

  46. And btw, isn’t an android vagina an upgrade attachment for a blow-up doll?

  47. Yeah, I was going to point out that the middle section of your pelvis was cut out therefore there is no vagina but we were all having too much fun with it. I am amazed at how uneducated the people who censor Twitter are if they can’t look at an x-ray and see that there is no pelvis, which is where the vagina is located. Reminds me of my FIL’s saying about stupid people: “He couldn’t find his butt with both hands.” I have a feeling the censors at Twitter are either AI, who have no use for vaginas, or introverted nerd techies, who have no idea how to find a vagina.

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