I can’t decide if my “for you” page knows me too well or not at all.

For the last few months I’ve been screenshotting some of the most bizarre phrases that show up on my twitter trending page because I often wonder if everyone gets the same stuff or if my algorithm has decided to fuck with me. A few baffling favorites:

Is it just me?

62 thoughts on “I can’t decide if my “for you” page knows me too well or not at all.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. It definitely knows me… your for you page looks fascinating to me. Mine is imaginary because I don’t have TikTok. My tumblr for you page is 90% photos of Henry Cavill in various ways and states. Mine knows me well enough to keep it calm and not challenge my desire to run into the rabbit warrens of oddity because I will lose months in research regarding the geopolitical indicators of longer hair or hemlines.

  2. Ummmm
    I think some of these things, hopefully not out loud because, google & siri, but just a handful get suggested to me. I think your searches must be more exciting and adventurous than mine. That’s probably why you’re the author and I’m the reader. Carry on!

  3. I saw the story about the dumping of Alfredo sauce (there was another story about a red sauce spill). Also, testicle tanning was part of an actual segment on Tucker Carlson a few weeks back. AND Emmanuel Todd Lopez is an emu owned by a cute gal on a farm who has several emus among other animals. I love her page! It’s hilarious! I still haven’t figured who she is and how it got started…

  4. Wow! On a positive note, if you ever acquire a taxidermy eel, you already have the name: Mentally Eel. 🤣

  5. I don’t use social media, but I love seeing the weird stuff that computer algorithms seem to think you’d like to look at.
    I figure our devices are listening to us all the time, anyway, because every conversation I have out loud leads to google or Amazon, or my junk email or something else trying to get me to look at something related to what I just said, even though my searches are not related to those topics, and my microphone is turned off on my devices. Big Brother is always listening….

  6. At least half of these also appeared on my feed. Pardon me while I go look up the other half cuz damn that looks entertaining!

  7. I don’t know anything about how twitter works (or doesn’t) but I really enjoy that with “brian disease” the “trending” topic is “horse funeral”. Like, what?! In what world is that a trend?!

  8. I don’t know anything about how Twitter does (or doesn’t) work, but I really enjoy that with “brian disease” the trending issue is “horse funeral”. Like. what?! In what world is that a trend?! And I’m unsure if I want to go there.

  9. I actually recognize a lot of these from my TwitterSphere.

    I live in Chicago so I remember when the Dave Matthews Band’s bus dumnped their sewage through the bridge grates and directly on to a architecture boat tour.

    Emmanual Todd Lopez is my new hero – an ungovernable emu.

    Archduke Metallica comes from a teacher who posted about trying to clue her students in about the assassination that started WW1, and gave them a hint referencing “you might know the name from heavy metal music” and it went delightfully sideways.

    Lesbian Dance Theory was part of a particularly moronic statement about the idea of student loan forgiveness by Lauren Boebert.

    Maybe I’m more hip than I was previously aware of?

  10. I mean that guy’s testicles are not even tanned…. Sheesh! I also think the boat that received the Dave Mathews Band sewage is probably psyched

  11. I don’t know if I feel better or worse that I recognized most of these trends from my algorithm too. But reading them all together like that is a wild ride 😂

  12. Okay, but fr, if you haven’t looked up Emmanuel Todd Lopez the Emu, you are missing out. The entire account is gold!

  13. OMG!!! I’ve never looked to see what mine are!! And based on the things I look at and read….I’m really scared now!! 😬😱🤣
    (true crime, paranormal, weird true history facts)

    Lisa

  14. Poundtown was about the new premier being a dollar store other guy, but then People pointing out that the UK equivalent to the dollar store is Poundtown, where everything is one pound. That’s the context I got this morning. Probably got out of hand, as these things do

  15. The worst part is, because it’s just so baffling, you end up clicking on it confirming the algorithm, which is probably why I keep seeing creepy conspiracy trends on the side bar that I’d rather just not know about. Now I just assume every mysterious tagline is a conspiracy thing.

  16. My friend of course knows the needle state about this beautiful freelance technique. (Eg ~243) Sure, I’ve tried the f9 Associate title, I’m currently being paid $26000 monthly, at the same time I’m not paying an excessive amount of time to Associate in Nursing. In addition, you will do this. ==== http://simplework244.blogspot.com/

  17. Weirdly, testicular tanning is NOT medically necessary, but is a fake-truth health trend- dudes hither and yon are sunbathing their balls, defying both logic and medical fact. Taint no place for the sun to shine. It doesn’t increase testosterone.

    Also, math is blue. Anyone can see that. Chemistry is red. Physics, strangely, is absolutely clear. I say strangely, because physics is so UNclear- maybe its less symbolism of understandability and more a commentary on the amount of knowledge I gained from two semesters of it. The coast and my brain is clear of physics facts.

    Brian Disease and Horse Funeral- Is this someone mis-hearing Prion Disease (Mad Cow/Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy/Creutzfeldt-Jacon Disease), which horses CAN get, and then need a funeral in short order. 🙁
    Or Brain Disease. Because they couldn’t recall prion/BSE/CJD.
    Its awful. Its like Vonnegut’s Ice-Nine, only with proteins.

    I don’t understand Twitter, just the color of math and miscellaneous medical stuff. No idea why these would trend. Hard stop. Not just for you, Jenny, but why is some poor horse named Brian now stuck calling back all his horse friends saying “There are trending runors of my imminent demise! To this I say “Neigh! I am alive!” He HATES talking on the phone, this horse named Brian, but its hard to Tweet with hooves, I guess, and he’s a good guy, doesn’t want his friends to worry.

    I love you, Jenny!
    Thanks for sharing this, much of which made me laugh til it hurt.

  18. You can thank my alma mater (University of South Carolina – the Gamecocks) for Cock Commander! lol It’s a big, long Cock story. 😉 (couldn’t resist – you have to have a sense of humor when constantly yelling “Go Cocks” at your sporting events) And unfortunately, it’s not as entertaining as it sounds. Basically our live mascot – Sir Big Spur, a rooster – has new owners, and there was a big to-do with the name/trademarking blah blah…so they were looking for a possible new name. Cock Commander was an option. You would have been the best person to talk to – you’re the queen of naming things! (In the end, he will still be called Sir Big Spur.) I had no idea this was trending nationally!

  19. I’m wondering if I should be worried that I know what a bunch of those headlines are about…

  20. There’s a thought that i keep having these days when i read the newspaper and when i go on some websites… There’s a problem with the titles in general, in life. It’s like we (humans) have such a short attention span that the people that create the titles don’t know how to get us to click on their articles/texts… So they use whatever will get our attention, quick… Aaaaanyway, that’s my two-cents, for whatever it’s worth…

  21. I am hoping that “Jesus Guns Babies” was trending because of John Oliver’s piece on the Georgia Guidestones.

  22. Pat, actually I think the “Jesus, Guns, Babies” was actually the platform one republican candidate was running on. I don’t remember who it was exactly or what state but she had it plastered on the side of her campaign bus.

  23. Oh, these are wonderful. Whatever you are searching on Twitter and Amazon please keep doing it. Your posts are so entertaining!

  24. Oddly enough, I actually know what a lot of those are referencing, which is probably a sign that I’m on Twitter way too much.

  25. I was leaning towards twitter-fuck until I saw “Archduke Metallica”. Your fuckery is real, and IT. IS. GLORIOUS.

  26. Well, three cheers for the return of the Mexican Pizza, if it’s really back, anyway. And I’d like to see any pictures that accompanied Goth Clowns.

  27. Would schlong COVID be considered a sexually transmitted pandemic? That could become a PR problem for the motor oil additive – kind of like what happened to AYDS weight loss candy.

  28. If you haven’t seen Emmanuel on TikTok or insta yet definitely check it out! It’s awesome! And no it’s not just you lol!

  29. I’m tickled that our local news affiliate WSAV made it into your feed, even if it wasn’t with local headlines.

    But yeah, it’s just you!

  30. I think it might be you. My twitter feed is seldom seen so I can’t say for sure but I think mine is mostly full of Canadian politics and other such bs. Which is why it is so seldom seen by me 😉

  31. Testicle tanning? Sounds complicated, if bleaching your anus is still a thing. How can you make sure it doesn’t get a tan, too?

  32. I live in Memphis, the site of the Great Alfredo Flood of 2022, and would like everyone to know that it was about 95 degrees that day and humid AF. It got real gross real fast.

  33. The podcast “Things I Learned Last Night” did an episode about the Dave Matthews Band tour bus poo dumping incident a while back. Highly recommend. They go off on tangents in all the episodes I’ve listened to so far, which just adds to the hilarity. That and they have some pretty infectious laughs. Definitely check it out!

  34. Is it bad that I know what around half of those topics are about? We get fed very similar feeds apparently.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: