Be warm. Avoid rug nipples.

So two things:

  1. We put up the winter window display at Nowhere Bookshop and you can tell that Aedan actually installed it because it’s pointing the right way. I was too sick to decorate (much better now) and then I got into a hit-and-run (I’m fine but my car’s butt is now an innie) but I did make the tiny house and the snowflakes made of damaged books so I at least helped:

And 2. Just in case you missed it (or put it off until later and forgot until now) we’re rereleasing our original limited edition Nowhere Bookshop shirts and hoodies (And yes, that’s mainly because Hailey has literally stolen all of my grey nowhere hoodies and I need new ones desperately because I live in them in the winter) so just click here if you want one. (Click through for other colors and styles but the grey hides cat fur in the most fabulous way in case this is an issue for you like it is for me.)

That was supposed to be the last thing but now I have one more because I had to throw our living room rug away because the dog defiled it but I found a rug online for $29 ($29!?) and so I ordered that but then it came vacuum-sealed in a package the size of a wet-wipe and when I fluffed it out it was tiny and there were these giant lumps in it:

Like, I can’t capture how weird it looks and Hailey saw it and couldn’t stop laughing and I explained that I had thought maybe it would unshitify itself it I just left it to breathe and Hailey was like, “‘Unshitify’ is not a word” and they’re right but it totally should be because this rug is totally shitified. It looks like it’s got nipples. Do you want a nipple rug? Because I have one.

46 thoughts on “Be warm. Avoid rug nipples.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Hahahaha! The nipple rug looks a bit sketchy, but my grandkids would love it! They are about to move in with me, so …

  2. Geez those are rug nipples! I’ve got one that came sealed up like that and still hasn’t un shitified in over a year.

  3. Unshitify should 100% be a word. It’s what the tree slowly does when you put it up and leave it overnight to relax back into a sort of tree shape from the smushed box shape it’s been in for months.

  4. I bought a table cloth online that was similarly shitified. I sent it back immediately. I don’t care if it’s cheap – I expect stuff to be unshitty.

  5. I can see why Hailey stole all your hoodies — that looks super cozy. In fact, if they want to steal any of the soon-to-be replacement grey Nowhere hoodies, I know a really great hiding spot for one at, uh, my house in MN…

  6. I love, love, love the bookstore holiday decorations! I wish I could visit it.
    To deshitify your rug, try misting it lightly with a spray bottle of water, and then put lots of heavy books on top of towels all over it, and leave it to settle overnight. It should flatten out and then you can give it a good shaking to bring the pile loops back up, or rub it with the towels to refluff the pile loops.

  7. Glad you are feeling better and the accident wasn’t worse. I finally got to visit Nowhere last weekend. It was as amazing as I expected. Only thing that would have been better was if you had been there. Thank you for all you do and the rug nipple isn’t too bad…maybe you can wash it 😂

  8. Where do you even buy a nipple rug?

    Seriously though, where did you order it from? Because it does seem like a cute rug.

  9. This post made my day. My life has seriously needed to be unshitified lately (thanks anxiety disorder). Thanks for being you, Jenny. Perhaps the nipple rug needs a bra? 😉

  10. I have a v neck Nowhere shirt from before you guys opened that is my favorite shirt ever. I’d love to get a new one, as I’ve just about worn it out.

  11. Wait. Did you say hit and run?? Are you ok for real? (Thinking whiplash, concussion, and whatnot.) Everybody is clamoring for details. (Ok, so it’s just me, but c’mon, Lady.)

  12. I wish I could find comfort in a hoodie, I want to like them so much but I own just one and when I wear it I feel like I’m constantly being choked by a midget I’m carrying on my back. And unshitify should totally be a word.

  13. Evan’s comment above (#19) made my morning. “Was it an Audi?” LMAO! Hope you’re doing OK post accident. Happy Thanksgiving Jenny!

  14. Unshitified is a magical word, love it! Also, love the window display. I have the same metal dragon in my living room. I named him Spencer Read!

  15. My first real job was as a library page, which mainly consisted of going around and pulling all the books to the front of the shelves that the kids had pushed to the back. So guess what immediately leapt out at me in your video? It’s amazing what gets stuck in our brains.

  16. I saw the words rug and nipples and subconsciously connected them with burns. Sorry, that’s how my mind turns.

  17. Sprinkle cracked ice on the fold lines, or gently wash and dry the whole rug if it washable.

  18. Maybe if you use a garment steamer on it it will unshitify? Or hang it in a bathroom with a hot shower going for a while? First things that pop into my mind.

  19. The store looks wonderful. Kudos to you for adding purpose to damaged books! All this talk of belly buttons and rug nipples is giving me a reason to smile today (I caught Covid for the second time… Covid messes up the lungs even more when you have Sjogren’s Syndrome) and I have been listening to your books and reading the blog. Thanks to you for helping my loneliness. 😸

  20. unshitify is right up there with dipshitery. people tell me that’s not a word but yet i use it all the time lol.

  21. My first thought to decrease the carpet nipplage was to find hang the item on the outside of the shower curtain. Find a really wide toothed comb and get your jammies ready and shower, then when ready and wrapped in PJs give the rug nipples a comb out. And leave it hanging somewhere to dry out

  22. Inform Dear Haley that ‘slut’ also wasn’t a word until William Shakespeare first used it. So you can also make up words. Is it a set of sounds that conveys to the listener a meaningful idea? Yes. Unshitify is a word.

  23. I was recently reading/hearing about nipple chafing on runners, so I also connected rug burn to rug nipples. Ugh

    Why is Dorothy being pushed into the picture? Does even she hate the rug?

  24. If you put your rug in the dryer to remove the titties-r-us wrinkles, you can put a couple of clean tennis balls in the dryer as well to help further fluff and de-tit the rug.

    Regarding your accident I really hope you get medically checked out, and I hope you have a medical coverage inclusion in your car insurance policy. If not I highly advise you add that at some point.

    Long story short I didn’t have that after my accident and without that my medical care was predominately paid by my medical insurance and I, not the driver who was deemed at fault. Most of my doctors (except for one) at the time were more concerned with getting paid quickly, so they lied about my injuries (falsely claimed my injuries were from a preexisting condition, not accident related so they didn’t have to wait for payment when the accident claim was closed).

    Funnily enough the (only ethical practice) urgent care I went to the night of my accident said that my muscles were so spasmed that it looked like I was in a diving accident.

    If I had a medical inclusion in my car insurance policy I probably would have received much more ethical medical care overall. I just wanted the accident claim closed so I could move on with my life so I didn’t pursue things in court.

    As for rugs, if you decide to get another rug I personally recently had very good luck with World Market. I bought a rug from there that I love. Here is that rug:

    https://www.worldmarket.com/product/tribeca+ivory+and+black+geometric+stripe+wool+kilim+area+rug.do?sortby=ourPicksAscend&from=fn

    World Market tends to have a little bit lower prices for those, and great designs (I’m very picky and I don’t like home decor that has overly floral patterns and overly busy patterns-those make my brain squirrelly).

    You can also buy stuff from World Market online and most times you pick up those up directly in store if you’d like-that’s how I shop for most things nowadays!

  25. Oooo I LOVE the house made of book pages. Instructions anywhere? or just in your awesome mind?

    (I just found an old miniature house at a resale shop and then decoupaged it with book strips. Time-consuming but super easy. 🙂 ~ Jenny)

  26. I just read the title of your post as “Be warm. Avoid nip ruggles.”
    I think I’d better go to bed now.^^

  27. Unshitify makes sense in a sentence, so it’s a word, and I’m likely to use it at some point after the sun comes up tomorrow. Thank you!

  28. The store looks fabulous, I wish I lived nearby! Do you sell the Christmas stockings online?

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  30. Jenny, I just had to tell you that I am finally reading Broken (In the Best Possible Way), and I am adoring it. Like you, I won the chronic conditions lottery (diabetes, PCOS, depression, anxiety, CPTSD, psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis, and as a surprise bonus, ADHD, ASD, and narcolepsy! I have to be careful when I listen to really funny audiobooks, as my narcolepsy makes my hands and arms go numb when I laugh, so I can’t listen to them when driving or I have to stop until I can feel my hands again. I work from home, so I can listen between calls and if one arm goes numb, so be it – I just have to not try to pick up my drink with that hand.

    Thank you for writing arm-numbingly funny things!

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