So I was leaving the bookstore last week and I saw a cat-sized dead animal in the road a couple blocks away which was sad enough, but then I also saw a bunch of little kids getting off a school bus and heading in that direction and I was like, “Shit. What if that’s the pet of one of those kids and they find it?” so I drove down the street because I thought that maybe I could use my car to block their view and I was trying to watch to make sure they didn’t run out in front of me while also trying to figure out if I could safely straddle the animal corpse with my car and then I got closer and realized it was not an animal at all but a branch covered with those hairy looking air-plants and I was very relieved, but then I saw this lady on her porch glaring at me because I was creeping down the road next to these kids and I wanted to roll down my window and explain that I was not a kidnapper and was just trying to hide corpses with my car BECAUSE I LOVE CHILDREN but then I decided that it might not come out right so I drove away, but if you happen to be the grey-haired lady in Alamo Heights giving me the stink-eye I just want you to know that I appreciate your vigilance because it takes a village to save children from dead animals and kidnappers even though technically neither of them actually existed.
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