It’s okay to not be okay

Hey. It’s okay if you’re struggling right now. You are not alone. I’m not sure if that helps or not, but personally I struggle a bit over the holidays and it can be easy to compare yourself to the people who seemed to had their shit together and didn’t spend Christmas morning yelling “Hello?” to the Taco Cabano drive-thru speaker which was unmanned because it’s fucking Christmas, you heathen.

This Christmas I was dealing with a moderate bout of depression, which let me have glimmers of happy hopefulness while still dealing with numbness and exhaustion about half the time. I had enough energy to push through and enjoy my family but not enough to cook or clean or wrap presents and so I ended the day grateful for us being together while also feeling like a bit of a failure. And then you come out of the holidays and think it’ll be better but you realize you’ve overextended yourself doing the bare minimum and have no energy to do anything at all, in spite of the fact that you are behind on everything. You are not alone.

Maybe you are reading this and are feeling the same. Or maybe you’re dealing with grief, or illness or stress or feeling unappreciated because you were one of those people who had their shit together but no one else appreciated how much you worked to make it all happen. Maybe you feel like you’re alone and that no one else is feeling this way. You are not alone. You are so far from being alone, friend.

I literally had to put my head down to rest while writing this. I had to physically rest FROM TYPING. Jesus Christ, y’all.

Normally I don’t write during depressive states like this because I can’t find endings. I can’t end on happy notes of “BUT I AM BETTER RIGHT NOW SO THERE IS HOPE” because I’m still stuck in the mire. But this is me as I am and maybe you need to read this too. Because I’m not better right now. But there is hope. There is always hope.

We will struggle. We will fail. We will win. We will fight. We will come out stronger in some ways and more brittle in others. We will crawl our of the darkness again to see that these lies that depression tells are just that…lies. We will wonder at how far we have come and we will wish we could look back at our past selves and say, “Hey, sweeties. Keep going. It’s going to be okay. You’re okay. I promise.”

So today I look with hope at a future self I want to believe in as I imagine her saying what I’ve said to past me so many times before. “It’s okay. Put your head down and rest when you can. Ask for help if you need it. Give yourself the time that you need. This struggle maybe not be the part of life that shows up on instagram reels but it is just as valid and important and real. You are stronger than you think. You are magical, even if you feel so far from it. You are loved more than you know and the lies your brain are telling you are not to be believed. You are not alone.”

I’ll say it to you if you say it to me. I’ll keep saying it until it’s okay again. Because it will be. For you and for me. Because we are not alone.

224 thoughts on “It’s okay to not be okay

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Thank you. This sums up my feelings right now. I’m glad I’m not alone and I have you and this marvelous community. Sending you love for the new year!

  2. Even when you wake in the dark, you offer up glimmers of light to us. Thank you for being you. It will get better again. You’ve got this.

  3. Feeling every word you said. You are brave and beautiful and magical, just like me. Your brain is a big fat liar, just like mine. You are not alone. And thanks to your words today I am not feeling so much alone now.

  4. I think you are amazing and I adore you. Your honesty is refreshing. I am so sorry you are hurting. I get it. I will send you some healing love as that is all I know to do and I truly care about you on your journey.

  5. Thank you. Thank you for using the energy you don’t have to reach out and say this. You are not alone, you’re not yelling into a void. I’m here too, in this morass that is holidays and 2022. Thank you for reminding me to listen to future, doing better me.

  6. Thank you for this. The notification came through just as I was losing it. Jenny, you are a queen.

  7. Just to know I’m not alone is very comforting. Thank you for putting this out there.

  8. Thank you for this. I needed to hear it. Just me and my dog. We were up late puking last night, and googling if I could have given/gotten it from the dog.. answer: not likely. Today home in bed. It’s okay to not be okay, you are not alone.

  9. Thank you for this. Christmas was especially hard this year, and we all need to remind ourselves & each other that this happy bullshit we are bombarded with in TV ads isn’t how it really is. Do the best you can & show each other love. Maybe frozen pizzas are easier than big dinners, or even Ramen noodles… it’s all fine. We had a good time drinking spiked egg nog & listening to Elvis sing Christmas songs & watching the cat get his Hex bug. Celebrate how you want or not at all. Life is hard. Get through it however it works best for you.

  10. WE ARE NOT ALONE. God bless you, and all of us who have been touched by the wand of mental illness. It will always be difficult, but we already know that. Thank you for being the you that helps ys.

  11. Jenny, I am feeling the same way. I enjoy things for a few minutes and then I want to sleep for hours, but I can’t, because I have to help my hubby deal with medical issues. It’s exhausting. I hope you start to feel the fog lift soon.

  12. I feel this deeply. My Mom died 6/18/2022. She was the magic maker. And that has been passed on to me. On top of being the executor of her estate, selling her home, dealing with all of that- and missing her terribly. The grief ground me to a halt more than once. Every day for the last 6 months I have had to force myself out of bed. But I do it, because I have to. Which is probably good or I may not have made it this far. But once the last guest left on 12/25 I went to my room and cried and cried. Grief is so heavy, and weird and fucking sneaky. I am still not okay. But I have a good mask. And as you said, it’s okay not to be okay.

  13. Thank you. I needed to see this today.
    Grey winter weather + holidays (+ abysmal mental health care) make life an unbearable slog.
    Next year I want to just rent a house somewhere warm and sunny and remote from about mid-November to mid-January. Maybe even mid-March. F winter and the holidays.

  14. No one – NO ONE started this year on a full tank, and we are NOT going to end it on one either. It’s a been several years of things draining us. And let’s talk about holiday “magic” for a minute. It’s the unrealistic thing that women (primary caregivers – who are mostly women) societally are supposed to “create” and the pressure to do it and live up to it literally kills people from the added stress.. You are “FIMES” as long as you are opening your eyes and breathing, because some days that is all anyone has to give. I applaud that you had the self care to put your head down because you were tired from typing. It’s really okay to not be okay. I’m so glad that you were with your family. You didn’t fail at anything. None of us did. You have done what you could and that is amazing. You are here sharing with us. That is amazing. You inspire so many of us who are not okay but might just be “fimes.” We are “fimes” just the way were are. I hope you can put your feet up and have a warm blanket and look out the window until you feel more like you would like to…..

  15. Thank you, Jenny. This is exactly what I needed to read right now. This Christmas was really hard and it’s not better yet, but I’ll hang in there and try to take care of me until it is. Fortunately, I remembered to reach out to a dear friend for much needed support. You hang in there, and remember you have lots of support, too. Big hugs.

  16. I really needed to read this today. I’m struggling on a daily basis to find even a glimmer of joy. The holidays only magnify the sorrow that follows me around, day after day. Thank you for reminding me once again that depression is the world’s best damn liar. Your words mean more than you will ever know.

  17. Thank you for this because I need to read the words and believe them. I have been struggling as well and reached out for help even though my mind told me I was a pest, and always need help. I thought I was alone, no true friends that I can reach out too but I have a team of crisis workers who are amazing and pit me back together at times, this one being the hardest. I love you dearly, Miss Jenny. Your kindness and compassion comes through the pages and hugs me. .I am grateful to you and know that I am alongside you fighting too. We are awesome kind, and caring people.

  18. I needed this. I missed my sons birthday dueto being hospitalized and was there plus at a nursing facility till we found out insurance won’t cover it so I begged for them to send me home because without physical therapy I likely won’t get better anyway and I wanted to be home for christmas. Had to fight to get homenand then home wasn’t what I was imagining.

    The only good news I have is I have a lot of time to read but jy concentration/medication makes it hard to concentrate but hey, I’ll take the win.

    I keep telling myself I’m hanging innlike an Iguana during a floridian cold snap.

    P.s you need a taxidermy iguana in a Hawaiian shirt.

  19. Thank you. On top of the typical downer-holiday-syndrome, today is also my birthday. Your words are comforting!

  20. I’m compromised and I asked my family to wear masks for a few hours so I could attend the holiday gathering. Keep in mind my mother was 8 days out and still testing positive for COVID. The majority refused. My sister, a grown adult, threw a full tantrum. My aunt, who I have loved my whole life, accused me of making up my auto-immune disease and that she was just tired of wearing a mask. I stayed to share gifts and left. I will never go to a family gathering again. So the whole you are loved more than you know — it’s just not true for everyone. I’m glad it’s true for you and that you have the love you need and deserve.

  21. Your readers and friends love you, and it will be ok, eventually. I also struggle with holidays, and I can pull out the stops and entertain them I cannot get out of bed for a few days. Take your time….and wrapping presents is overrated! Sending hugs.

  22. OMG thank you! I needed that. The fact that it was brutally cold for days made everything so much more stressful. Temperatures are warming. Slowly. So that’s good. But then it will be January and I have to somehow get through the next three months. But I can do it. And so can you!

  23. I love you and you will come back to the light again. I don’t know when, but all of us here will walk with you through the dark parts.

  24. You aren’t alone. At all. I managed to stomp my way through gift buying and even wrapping, and glowered through family celebrations. This time was just boiling, seething rage at the world for some reason instead of the suffocating cloak of depression that whispers “you’ve aren’t worth it.” For hours and days on end. Just rage at all the jolly people.
    But it lifted some a bit ago. And then some more.
    I’m on the edge of the pit now but standing there, not clinging to it with my fingernails.
    So that’s something.
    It will lift for you, too.
    You aren’t alone.
    And you are loved.

  25. Thank you. I needed to hear this today. This past year has been a lot, for reasons I won’t elaborate on here, but the cap stone has been that one week ago today we put my father into memory care. And today is my mother’s birthday. I’m trying to help her adjust to life as a single person at the age of 82. I want to go home and snuggle with my furry babies and read and nap and get off of the Responsible Adult train. But I have to hang in at least one more day.

    Hold my hand. We’ll get through this together.

  26. Christmas is hard for me because our daughter died 23 years ago on Dec. 23. Its just hard. Added to that I was deep in the worst depression I had ever dealt with. I have been bi polar since age 11. But fortunately for me the bipolar seems to have pretty much disappeared since menopause. Four women in my family seemed to age out of it at menopause. Not promising you anything, but who knows. Be gentle with yourself. Put your head down whenever you need to. I love you.

  27. Hey, Sweet Jenny.
    Keep going. It’s going to be ok. You are not alone. And you are stronger than you think. And we love you.

  28. Thank you for saying what I am feeling! I would like to have as much excessive energy as I do exhaustion with bouts of depression. At least mix it up a bit. Hang in there, friends….we aren’t alone!

  29. The holidays have sucked hairy badger balls. That said, there is always hope for the next day.
    Thanks for always being honest and knowing that we (your fans) see each other, and you, at our best and worst and still hope.
    I’m sitting in an Inn in Detroit, having brought my daughter to the Van Gogh exhibit (from NJ), when all I wanted to was stay home and not talk to anyone.
    Van Gogh was the right decision.
    It’s exhausting and gave me a migraine but it will be a memory to treasure during a future bad period.

  30. I sooo understand how you feel. I still have family visiting. Having an extra person in the house for even a couple of hours exhausts me. This is going to be a couple of weeks (5-6 more days, not sure). My nerves are twanging and I’m mostly trying to stay in my room and netsurf and watch movies to create some semi-alone time so I’m not snapping at people. That and I sleep about 12 hours a day. Not exaggerating.

    So no, you are not alone. Anyone out there who is dealing with holiday exhaustion, depression, illness either chronic or acute, you name it, no one is alone. Come gather around our fireplace and tell your tale or nod off for a nap or do whatever helps you most. We’ll be here if you need us.

  31. Didn’t realize how much I needed to hear this until I was already crying. Thank you for the reminder that it’s not just me.

  32. As much as I hate to know anyone else feels this shitty, it’s also very comforting to know that I’m not in this completely messed up messy place by myself.

  33. You are definitely not alone. And now I remember I’m definitely not alone. Thank you for finding energy to write and share this today…I and many others needed to read it. Currently taking a break from undecorating today (way earlier than usual, so done with the holidays this year) & saw your post. Thank you, and truly good wishes to you & yours in the New Year. xo

  34. Thank you Jenny. I’ve been severely depressed for 2 years straight now…,,and made it thru Christmas with my family. I also have so much joint pain ( some wierd autoimmune thing) ….that I did feel very much alone in my despair. YOU are NOT alone sistah! 💜💜💜💜💜💜

  35. I was actually able to look forward to the holidays for the first time in several years, which was amazing. Things were going well this Christmas season, but life has left me without family which was something I would have never expected. When a friend invited me to have Christmas dinner with her family, I was thrilled to know I’d have some company as opposed to spending it alone. I’m still grateful to have gone, but while there I was reminded of all the things I didn’t have such as people who care about me. This started a holiday melancholy for me that I’m a bit mired in right now, so your timing is excellent.

    I wish I could give back to you even half of both the help and hope that you’ve given me over the years. I think depression tries even harder to lie during the holidays, but I’m glad you wrote this.

    Jenny, you are wonderful, magical, funny, compassionate, and loved. If you need to put your head down, do it! (Feel free to use one of the cats as a pillow if they’ll allow it.) It does getter better. It will get better. Light does return. Be very kind to yourself because I promise you that you deserve it.

  36. SO not alone. You are loved – and needed. Here’s a thought: at least the new year won’t be 2021 🙂

  37. I was so done on Christmas that I canceled dinner at my parent’s. I could not get dressed, leave my house, even brush my teeth. So my parents brought dinner to me. It was a glimmer. After they left I was so exhausted I went to bed. At 2 in the afternoon. Stayed there.
    I needed your “it’s OK” today.
    We will get better.
    Love you!

  38. The magic tried to reach me, but only did so in short bursts. Thank you for sharing, I always feel better when I read your blog.

  39. I had to take a nap half-way through Christmas because of so many things. I felt a bit better after, but not as good as I wanted to feel. I’m glad you’re still here. <3

  40. Our family was so exhausted after all the activities of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, that on the 26th, we did NOTHING. We went to our separate corners of our house and only emerged in the evening to watch a little TV. Holiday struggle on top of everyday struggles on top of mental illness is too much. Rest and know that you are not alone. Thank you for sharing and making me feel less alone.

  41. My mom starts ketamine nasal today. I am so scared it won’t work. I’m so exhausted and blargggh. It is tough to have light and hope and almost anything. Spent two days away trying to refill my tank. Back to reality. Love and light to you.

  42. “Deep in their roots, all flowers keep the light.” Theodore Roethke. Keep the light burning!

  43. You are not alone! Take that rest when you need it and don’t be ashamed of it. Thank you for these little reminders and is what’s when I need to hear it. You are not alone!

  44. It is always comforting to know that my feelings of depression and despair mixed with short bursts of happiness and hope is not unique to me and that others are out there feeling the same thing. Wishing us all longer bouts of happiness and hope in the new year! xo

  45. My depression and anxiety are THRIVING, and I’m sick of it. I wake up every morning and immediately the anxiety feels like an elephant sitting on my chest. The reason my anxiety is so severe is because of the new depression SSRI meds. I can’t win. I’m going crazy and it’s always going to be this way and everyone around me is sick of hearing about it. I’m in a bad place and have been for too long. Going thru the second root canal flare-up, follow-up mammograms, adult acne treatment fails, and if I need to be hospitalized, the in-network psych hospital is horrible. My mental health issues are manifesting as physical pain now (first time ever). If you’ve made it to the end of this diatribe, thank you for listening. Sorry.

  46. Thank you for sharing where you are right now Jenny and not being alone is the greatest truth we all need to know and keep close to us at all times, but also because this is where I am right now and struggling but always (mostly) hopeful for the upside and light we will see soon. I have no happy perfect ending here either but we have hope and each other even if none if us have ever met. ❤️

  47. Thank you for this. I needed this so much. Dealing with grief, illness, stress and depression all at once. Couldn’t manage any of the Christmas stuff. No decorations. Unwrapped gifts. No stocking stuffers. No cookies. No Christmas dinner. Feeling very alone. I’m sorry you’re going through this too but it helps to know it’s not just me. I know I’ll pull myself out of it because I have so many times before. It’s just so exhausting. I can’t see the other side from where I am. I just know it’s there. It’s there for you too. Take care of you.

  48. Thank you. I definitely felt the glimmers of hope and numbness and exhaustion. I’m grieving the relationship I realized I would never have with my mom, I’m grieving the (murder, I can’t really bring myself to say it but I can write it) of my cousin and I’m grieving the sudden and unfair death of my roommate’s sister. But I’m out. I left the death grip of my awful family and am finding new friends but it still feels like iron rebar through my sternum right now. Thank you.

  49. Thank you. The last 30 hours have been rough. Driving to my home to meet the furnace repair crew I stopped at a traffic light and thought, “When this turns green I’m just going to drive. Drive until I run out of gas. And maybe then I’ll just have the breakdown that’s been building. Or maybe I’ll get out and walk until I can’t do that anymore either.” I didn’t do it. I went on to my freezing house that currently has no hot water and yesterdays had a carbon monoxide leak. I texted my bestie and felt so much better after our jibberjabber. And then I saw the email notification for your new post. I was looking forward to silly videos. You have no dancing dogs today, but this is just as good.

  50. “It’s okay to not be okay”

    On an intellectual level, I understand that. I understand, in my mind, that I haven’t failed medicine, it’s failed me. But in my soul, I am so, SO tired of not being okay. And my family and friends are tired of my being this way, too.

    Jenny and everyone else on this list who is hurting: I am so terribly sorry for your, for our, un-okay-nesses. You/We are not alone. Solidarity, people.

    Lines that resonated with me particularly:

    “And then you come out of the holidays and think it’ll be better but you realize you’ve overextended yourself doing the bare minimum and have no energy to do anything at all, in spite of the fact that you are behind on everything.” My life in a nutshell. I have seen so many doctors who smile sadly and sympathetically as they tell me they can do nothing for me.

    “I had to physically rest FROM TYPING.” Just trying to locate the right keys on the keyboard is a chore (they move around. I swear they move). Pushing them down to make letters can be an insurmountable additional task.

    “Normally I don’t write during depressive states like this because I can’t find endings. I can’t end on happy notes of “BUT I AM BETTER RIGHT NOW SO THERE IS HOPE” because I’m still stuck in the mire. But this is me as I am and maybe you need to read this too. Because I’m not better right now.” I understand the impulse to offer hope. But even hope, when it is dashed over and over, becomes a drain for energy rather than a source of renewal. Sometimes it’s more helpful just to have the acknowledgement that our pain — mental, physical — exists and diminishes our lives.

    Jenny, thank you to reaching out to us in your exhaustion and pain, for being honest, for valuing us enough to let us know you’re struggling. Take care of yourself — everyone here, take care of yourselves, too.

  51. Thank you so much for this. I’m in the midst of packing up the house I thought I’d never move from after a divorce I never thought I’d get. I love this house, but I can’t stay here. It’s harder than I thought it would be. Sending loving thoughts to everyone else who is struggling.

  52. Thank you for sharing this, I struggle daily with severe depression and so far the past two years has just been one catastrophe after another and it’s taken it’s toll on me. It’s nice to hear I’m not alone. I hope that writing during those times is helping you❤️

  53. I am in the midst of a panic chapter, spending every day to not get overestimulated. I switch out ice packs I keep in my bra all day because I read it can calm the vagus nerve, which does something vaguely good for anxiety. I feel you. I’m with you.

  54. Holidays have sucked for some time…various reasons. And I’m not apologizing for my sad uncheery mood any longer. Quit telling me others have it worse. Let me sit in my darkness while I wait for the light to seep back in.

  55. I’m struggling alongside you. I was almost not going to reply because ya know- no energy to communicate. However, I felt the need to because you’re so right, we’re not alone. Thank you, Jenny. Let’s be warriors and get through another day. You are loved. You are not alone.

  56. You Jenny are an angel in our midst. I quote you on social media and to people I meet that “Depression lies”. Your bringing that statement to me and all of us has meant so much. Every time you write of your struggles you are that light at the end of a tunnel for so many of us. I hope your hard time passes soon. You are loved❤️

  57. I hear you. Plus I really really wanted tacos as well, and was not going to cook. Heathens United. You are not alone. I did rally enough to make us grilled cheese sandwiches and canned Campbell’s tomato soup. Also comfort food! Then I napped.

  58. You are not alone. Even in the dark, when you can’t see anything or anyone, you are not alone. You’re still breathing, and where there is breath, there is life; and where there is life, there is hope.

    Thank you for sharing from within your darkness. Too many people see the darkness and forget they’ve ever seen light or others, and it’s an important message: you are not alone. You are important. You are worth pushing through the darkness to find the light again.

  59. This year has been a doozy for me and my partner. There’s been a move, two deaths (my partner’s mentor and father died suddenly and unexpectedly), a lost job, a hospitalization, a cancer scare….It’s been almost comically bad to the point we keep joking we should buy a lottery ticket. We’ve both been through the ringer. But we’re hopeful it can’t go on like this forever… or at least usually one of us is.

  60. Thank you for that. Yes, it’s so needed. If I could say it as well as you did, I’d send it back to you, but consider it back atcha’d.

  61. Thank you so much for finding the words to describe what so many of us experience, so we can realize we are not alone. Depression lies, big time. You have helped us so much dear Jenny! It will get better. Love to you and your family always!

  62. I felt like I made it through, then canceled on two more things. I lay on my faux fur covered bed with a cat on me and meditated love washing over me, but barbed arrows of doubt kept trying to prick my bubble. We are not alone. Love is washing over us.

  63. I’m depressed because my 8 month olds hospital bill doubled, we got the other half in an email on Xmas, yeah kind of ruined my holiday spirit – and no bonus from work this year. I’m tired of crying

  64. I was trying to commiserate with you and say how much I feel this but my post turned into a long rambling therapy session for myself. So I deleted it and now I just need to get some chocolates and whiskey and go hide for awhile. We’ll get through this, we have to because there’s no other acceptable response. We’ll get through this and we”ll be fine.

  65. Oh Jenny! We are so, so lucky to have you. What you wrote today was just perfect. I hope you can remember that you have a whole bunch of people out here who, while never having met you IRL, just adore you (in the most un-creepy and un-stalkerish way). <<>>

  66. I didn’t want to comment, but this is so fucking (not) funny that I just had to. After recently losing my job and struggling to figure out my new insurance plan for the last month on meds that ran out of 2 weeks ago, I called “Light Shade” – the pharmacist, I’ve been using (and happily fighting with) for decades – and was informed that my shrink had gotten so fed up of repeatedly being put on hold by them on their phone system that once finally connected she shouted (I’m sure I remember hearing “screamed”) that she will never send any script or anything else with them again, and as such I personally should figure out where my meds have disappeared to.
    Now I am in medication limbo.
    Oh, and my Aunt who basically raised me died last Friday.
    I hear you.

  67. I just get so annoyed- bordering on angry with myself because the WANT to do the thing is there, but the start button is under a pile of exhaustion and apathy. It’s like looking at love through a one-way mirror. I can put my hand on the glass and press my face up against it but I can’t walk out of the room, down the corridor and into the room where the joy I’m looking for is actually residing.

  68. Thank you. I needed this today. I appreciate you. You are not alone. We are not alone.

  69. You, yes you, are NOT alone. I’m here in my blanket fort. We may be in different blanket forts but we are together. We are not alone.

  70. Thank you Jenny for your words and truth during a hard time for you! You are stronger and braver than you even realize. You are AMAZING in fact and I am sending you hugs and strength to get through the hard times and back into the light and hope!

  71. It took me to age 42 to figure out that nothing lasts forever. That waiting until I can do more than just barely survive is a valid option. That the sky won’t always press down so dark and make it so hard to be.
    I’ve been writing “WAIT” on the inside of my wrist as a reminder.
    Totally get resting your head, same, hard to write this.

  72. GAD/PD flare up here. A holiday of cancelling all the things, shaking, crying, forcing myself to eat, walk, do something distracting. Upping my meds. Hoping every morning will be a little better. Still in the pit. Waiting and trying to trust it will get better. Thank you for sharing. Really needed to see it’s not just me.

  73. Thank you, Jenny.
    I love my family, but I don’t much like them.

    I love (and like) my husband. He saves me from myself and my lying brain.

    One on one with my mom and sister is fine, but everyone together triggers something in my head that I am that little girl who is stupid and untalented and reminded of that daily. Then for days afterwards my brain won’t shut up. Playing these things over and over.

    I’ll be fine, I’ll get my head to shut up, til the next “holiday”

    But, yeah, thank you for reminding me I’m not alone.

    Thank you. I love you 🥰

  74. I am not okay. This is a 10 slide and I always think it could get better. It does not…….
    But it is good to know others make it over the hill.

  75. Thank you. I cried while I read this but smiled once or twice as well. Thanks for the reminder that I’m not alone and I can ask for help.

  76. I can’t tell you how much your candor has helped me over the years. You are loved, too!

  77. I’m not okay. I’m numb really, as well as exhausted. This was my first Christmas since my mom died. It was our favorite holiday and this year I did the bare minimum and that exhausted me. I feel like the rest of my family was able to move through it so much easier since I was her caretaker and they didn’t have to help with her daily stuff. I’m lost without her, lost without the routine I had with her and I was so lost this Christmas that I just went numb and put on a front for the rest of my family and friends. Hopefully I’ll get back something of a life soon.

  78. Thinking of you, Jenny, and hope you’re feeling better soon. Thank you for your honesty. xx

  79. I am not OK either. I mostly feel numb, exhausted and bored. I miss being creative and spontaneous. I miss laughing and seeing friends. I miss the little fun parts of Christmas that we do. But I mostly miss not feeling exhausted every single day.

  80. Grateful to have “met” you Jenny. This particular blog post is important to me. You’re a brilliant and talented individual that is so fucking funny. Enough so to truly cause me to laugh out loud due to the relevance. You speak from the heart in this post and not for the sake of maintaining any sort of persona responsibility. This is the real deal and we do benefit from sharing the insanity of it along with your gifted perspective.

  81. Thank you! I’m not okay during these holidays. Too many memories of happy times with now lost children. It will subside back to a dull darkness and life goes on somehow.

  82. *big hugs* I’m so glad you are here and that you showed up to write this. I appreciate you, thank you.

    For me, my husband and I spent Xmas in urgent care with covd. We went for almost 3 years not getting it!

    Today I ate something and even took a shower. Going back to bed now 🙂

  83. similar situation–feeling disconnected even when surrounded by (too many) people and feeling not ok and often no space to lay my head down to rest–at least mentally, with you and this community, I am not alone

  84. Sending you, and anyone who needs it, love and comfort. You are/will be okay. You are not alone.

  85. Thank you so much for these words. You must have known through the aether that I am struggling in a major way. Knowing I’m not alone in this does help…but I hope you don’t mind me venting a little to this safe place. A year ago my dear husband passed away so suddenly I didn’t get to say goodbye. My house flooded and I spent 3 months in a cut-rate hotel. Just when I’m thinking, OK, I’m back home, I can pull myself out of the gutter of grief to have a little Christmas with my daughters and their husbands I get a call that their father, my ex, is in the ICU and not expected to live. I have worked so hard not to hate the man…had come to terms with his abuse and the hell he put me through, and I’m thinking “now he goes and does this to my girls on Christmas eve”. Dealing with that, trying not to feel guilty. He is hanging in there (too mean to die) DID I SAY THAT? And my poor devastated girls spending every moment at the hospital. I miss my Chuck so MUCH. Christmas sucked this year…again.

  86. Researchers at Duke have located the gene that causes suicidal thoughts. They discovered three more for other mental disorders. Genetic therapy is coming. Everyone hang in there.

  87. You are not alone!

    We all spent Christmas with COVID and isolating. I opened presents from my aunt and sister so I could dutifully report back on them. Then we were too exhausted to give a duck about anything else so we had some leftovers. No fancy Christmas food, presents STILL to wrap but whatever. We’ll eventually celebrate?

  88. Recovering from a bad auto accident has occasionally left me feeling hopeless, useless and broken. Your words encourage me to persist and enjoy the high points of my day, even when they’re not particularly stellar!

  89. You are not alone. Please thank yourself for doing a great job even though you did not feel well.

  90. You are not alone.
    I am not alone.
    We are not alone.
    I’m trying to keep pleasant for my brother and his family who are visiting for the week whom I only see twice a year because they live so far away. And my husband told me he wants a divorce just before thanksgiving and he moved out to live with his mother with dementia, and this was my first year of holidays without him and his family who I have celebrated with for decades. I don’t know how I will afford to survive since I am disabled, and can’t work, and we don’t have children to care for us as we age or keep me company, and my autoimmune issues makes it very difficult to have a social life, especially in the time of Covid, and I find it difficult to make friends even before Covid due to being an introvert with medical conditions that make it dangerous for me to be around people with pets or scented body products or scented laundry products used on clothing or scented things in their homes.
    My mother got mad at me for a minor thing and was nasty to me, and I went home right after.
    I’m so depressed I told my brother I couldn’t visit with them yesterday because I needed to be sad and mourn the loss of my marriage and cry all day, so I could muster up the strength to keep a stiff upper lip for their sake for the rest of their visit.
    So he came over to my place and gave me a hug and let me talk, but as much as I appreciated that, I was secretly was glad when he left so I could hide under the covers and cry.
    Sometimes we need to just be not okay, and sometimes holidays are just too much when you are struggling with your depression and anxiety and health issues demons.
    So for all of my fellow anxious, immunocompromised, depressed, overwhelmed, anti-social, mourning, lonely and cranky people out there, I’m sending you my gratitude for understanding and sharing to give each other compassion and strength.

  91. Thank you Jenny. I needed to hear this. You are definitely not alone. I’ve been struggling for awhile now. Everyone else seems to be doing so well and I’m just over here with my broken brain so I needed your words. I love you and I hope you feel better soon. Big hugs.

  92. Lordamerzy, Jenny you are such a warrior!! I’ve been pondering the long lasting effects of the pandemic, the shear exhaustion of just knowing about all the grief, never mind experiencing anything close to home. Could be just good ol aging. But I salute ALL of us for just having any gumption at all. BIG HUGS!

  93. 1) You’re awesome.
    2) I got my autographed copy of “You are here.” You signed it “To my favorite arsonist.” I laughed my ass off. We were getting ready to leave to drive from Michigan to Florida so I could meet my husband’s dad before he dies of cancer. So it absolutely helped my mood.

    You make a difference every day. Thank you.

  94. Thank you for this.
    Weasels have been running amok in my brain, but it helps to know that there are others who are not “living the dream” (and that’s OK).
    I love when you write funny stuff but this “real” stuff is SO important and I love it, as well. Much love.

  95. Thank you for this. I cried reading it. My mom died October 12 and my Gran passed exactly 10 weeks later, on Solstice. It’s too much, to try to Christmas when the two people who loved you most in the world suddenly aren’t there anymore. I didn’t see or talk out loud to a single human on Christmas Day. You are not alone. None of us are. 🥺

  96. Yes. Holy cow yes.
    I’ve been struggling hard with my anxiety, it’s the worst it’s been in 20 years.
    I’m so sorry you’re having a difficult time right now, but thank you for posting this. It’s important to know that you’re not alone, and that depression lies, and that there is always hope. I hope you feel better soon ((hugs))

  97. Right before the first night of Chanukah I found out that I had been scammed by someone I met online. I was not unaware that romance scams are all too common and I was familiar with the various techniques used. In spite of this I made excuses for her behavior because the love bombing worked on me. When I finally broke things off this poor excuse of a human sent me messages calling me every ugly name in the book and some that I had never heard before. Not only did I lose $1000, I lost the illusion that I had finally found love again after the death of my partner 3 years ago.
    Needless to say I was not in a holiday mood, not did I feel I could talk to anyone about it because I had been so stupid. I really wanted to go to sleep and never wake up.
    I finally called a help line. I did not want to talk. I did not feel I was able to talk. But I could text and that’s what I did. Did it help? I think so. Just being able to share this ugly incident that had taken place over the last couple of months lowered the pressure. The next day I was able to call my grown son and talk to him about it and that helped as well.
    I am feeling a little better now and have stopped using this saga as a way to beat myself up. I am grateful to the Bloggess Tribe for giving me a safe place to share my story.

  98. I swear my guardian angel sent me to this post today. This. Is. Me. You are a blessing to all of us who read you and need to hear what you are saying. You are loved. You are needed…especially when you are hurting. THANK YOU for being vulnerable and beautiful and real.

  99. I am one of those people that doesn’t really enjoy the holiday season. Mostly this is because my Mom was the Christmas person and now that she is gone, it seems much less shiny.
    But mostly, because there always feels like there is this pressure to be happy and jolly and celebratory and well…. I just want time off to take naps and knit socks and snuggle my pets. I am not Christian do this time of year always feels a little hallow. I have Pagan beliefs and we are way more about having a drink and hanging out with friends than the whole “I must be on my best behavior and get everyone gifts”. So… yea…. It’s conflicting.
    Add to that the constant push and pull between my partners bitterly divorced parents and trying to decide who we spend Christmas with when really we don’t want to see any of them.
    Yea…. Then add the seasonal depression on top. It’s a shitty shitty cocktail.
    You most definitely are not alone. Not even a little. Take time when you need to. I am trying to learn that every day.

  100. Jenny. Thank you. Just. Thank you.
    You hit the nail on the head, again.
    My head is such a mess right now. I didn’t even recognize it for what it was. The god damned lies. Thank you for shining a light on the Mthfr.

  101. I’m also not okay. I fall in the under appreciated category. I feel like I put thought and effort into everyone else, but no one really gives a f&*% about what’s going on with me. And then I wonder why I bother. And yet I can’t not try. And that just pisses me off.

    So I want you to know Jenny, that even on your worst days, I appreciate everything about you. Your words and honesty always help put things into perspective.

  102. Just what I need to hear now. Thank you for saying it to me. Tomorrow I’ll say it to one of my friends and she’ll pass the news on… look what you’ve started!
    Thank you

  103. We’ve got you, Jenny. You’re never alone. You are wonderful and strong and will come out of this depression. Rest. You will feel better. Love you!

  104. Thank-you. Thank-you. I am in tears right now because I like you, could not do all the things I once did at Christmas. I feel guilty and less then. Thanks for telling me that I am not alone. Debra

  105. Pretty much sums up my Christmas. I tried I failed on a lot of fronts and succeeded on a few. My mom died July of 2021 and my dad has been in a nursing home since then with Parkinson’s and Dementia. I think this Christmas was harder than 2021 and I don’t know why. I am unappreciated and feel so alone. But there is always hope! Tomorrow is another day. 🫤

  106. I hit a major depressive episode about a month ago and I’m still in it. I’m in the middle of super social week right now, my dad’s destination wedding 4 days ago, home for Xmas, which I will never love, my mom’s destination 80th birthday tomorrow (different destinations), traveling for my birthday and then home to collapse for NYE. But today I got approval for TMS to start in January and I’m pinning all my hope on that. If it works, I’ll be able to give my poor exhausted husband a break from holding our family together single handedly.

  107. Hi, I’m Hope. Two weeks ago suicide and I were screaming at each other. I reminded suicide that it wasn’t an option. I’d taken it off the table of options. But depression was reading at me and there was no light at the end of the tunnel.

    Thankfully two friends came alongside to remind me I am loved. One sent me a Baby Yoda Chia Pet. I HOWLED with laughter. My adopted as an adult brother Jeff called me and let me tell him my story of woe – how it just was sucking my joy that 16 years ago a friend walked out of my life – and he reminded me how much he loved me and Lou loved me and, most importantly, my cat, Samwise aka SamSam loves me.

    It was like this light went off. PEOPLE LOVE ME. And my friend who walked away from me is missing out. I may miss her but that’s ok. I’m ok.

    Thank you for giving me a space to talk. I’m still exhausted from this.

    You are worthwhile. I promise you. You are worthwhile to me.

  108. Thank you so much for writing this. The tunnel is so long and dark, and I may not see the light at the end, but it helps to see the glow of your phone a little farther down the road and know somebody else is here too.

  109. Thank you. I really needed to hear this today. My mom recently passed and this was the first Christmas without her. It’s been incredibly hard. I tell everyone I’m getting by but it’s a lie. I’m struggling a lot. It helps so much to hear I am not alone and that thngs will get better. You hang in there and I will too❤️

  110. It’s been 1-2-3 punches to the gut this last week. Knowing I’m not alone helps.

  111. I took a nap after doing nothing except taking a shower. Depression is exhausting, especially during the “Happy Holidays.” I feel you. 💜

  112. You are not alone and neither am I. Thank you for writing your truth. This year I invited my family to my home for Christmas. I have lived almost 2 hours away for a few years and I didn’t think they would actually come if I invited them. I did. They came and I was really surprised they did.

  113. You are not alone. I am in the ER vet with my 10 year old bully 🐶 who has a giant bloody lump by his butthole. I don’t know who is the bigger mess. 😢

  114. Ya got me. Last few days of “this year” as I’ll call it and now I’m in bed with Covid. I tried so hard to do all the right things. So thank you Jenny, for being here. For saying the things. And for knowing that we’re in this together.

  115. Thank you Jenny. Knowing how exhausted you are and yet you still sent this out to us- you are my hero!

  116. Thank you for this, I have been feeling miserable this holiday and I needed the company. May we all rest to hope another day.

  117. I’m grateful for always getting your messages when I need them most – even if it’s rereading one of the books. Sending you light and love. Thank you for always reminding me to turn on the light.

  118. Thank you Jenny for writing this. As I read all the other messages above, I feel the suffering of them all. I just want to say, we are all here together on this site, even if many miles apart, and I am so thankful for you all. We share with each other, and make a very big family after all! So, to all my family here, I wish warm blankets, long and refreshing sleep, and better days to come. I love all of you from my heart. Amy

  119. Jenny, your books got me through a hard, really tough point of my laugh and you gave me hope and humour when I thought I had none left and would never find it again. But I did and YOU did that, YOU DID, by sharing yourself and your realities with us. I’ve found Christmas hard this year too, there is this idea to trim the season like we do the tree, but the main thing we forget is the tree, you’re the tree. To your loved ones you are the point, the main thing. And you were there. Even though it wasn’t as easy as it would usually be when you’re feeling your best. Reading this I felt like Jenny is having a tough time but definitely doesn’t need to run herself through the mill (easier said than done I know!) thinking they had failed (?) Christmas, if anything you ‘NAILED’ it because you were there. That’s what I took from this. We love you for giving that ‘real’ ‘human’ ‘fabulous’ you that we all needed but didn’t know we did until you SHOWED up x

  120. Thank you, Jenny, for writing even during your depression. I had all of these homemade gifts planned for my mother, who is in memory care because of Alzheimer’s-related dementia, and I didn’t finish ANY of them because of how depressed and run down I have been lately. I felt like a failure. Honestly, though, I don’t think she would have been able to appreciate them as she used to. Instead, I just tried to cherish the time we spent together. One of these days I will finish the gifts, and I hope that she will be able to enjoy them.

  121. I needed this today, so fucking much. I’m one of the “shit together” people, and have worked this holiday like a boss. On the outside. On the inside, I am screaming for everyone to go the fuck away, and am counting down the seconds until they leave. I love them. I’m so glad they’re here. And now I want my house back, the daycor down, and to curl into a ball on my bed with my dog while my son refills my wine glass (he gets it). I just can’t people anymore, and I’m grateful for everyone who has shared their feelings here. Much much love to all of you. ❤️

  122. Thank you so much right now for writing this. I needed to hear that I wasn’t alone and that there may be hope because honestly for the past few weeks I’ve been so damn depressed I thought about ending it all because I am tired of fighting, tired of trying, tired of this roller coaster of mental health. Sometimes I look at you Jenny and I think wow even in the midst of everything she deals with, she still has her shit together way more than I ever will. At least you smile and find the humor in it all. I am finding it hard to do so anymore. Anyways, from one person with depression to another, I get it and I see you and I appreciate you.

  123. Currently in a deep state of depression. Not gonna say that this snapped me out of it, but hearing this is what I needed. I need to know it’ll be ok, because right now it sure doesn’t feel that way

  124. My mom died Christmas morning in 2015. I’ve been battling major depression since my teens (I’m 56 now). I’ve had three kidney surgeries since October. Yup – it’s hard to keep going some days, but the good things are worth fighting for… especially the hope and peace you and your unique perspective offer others. Hang in there, Jenny. Big love bombs flying in from Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. With much respect, Greg

  125. It’s okay. Put your head down and rest when you can. Ask for help if you need it. Give yourself the time that you need. This struggle maybe not be the part of life that shows up on instagram reels but it is just as valid and important and real. You are stronger than you think. You are magical, even if you feel so far from it. You are loved more than you know and the lies your brain are telling you are not to be believed. You are not alone.

    Thank you for reminding both (& all) of us.

  126. You are amazing. Please keep writing posts like this to remind us all that we’re not alone, even when it feels darkest.

  127. It’s okay. Put your head down and rest when you can. Ask for help if you need it. Give yourself the time that you need. This struggle maybe not be the part of life that shows up on instagram reels but it is just as valid and important and real. You are stronger than you think. You are magical, even if you feel so far from it. You are loved more than you know and the lies your brain are telling you are not to be believed. You are not alone.

    …and thank you.

  128. It’s okay. Put your head down and rest when you can. Ask for help if you need it. Give yourself the time that you need. This struggle maybe not be the part of life that shows up on instagram reels but it is just as valid and important and real. You are stronger than you think. You are magical, even if you feel so far from it. You are loved more than you know and the lies your brain are telling you are not to be believed. You are not alone. And – you are loved right back. Thank you.

  129. Thank you for writing this. I so need to hear it. So much depression, darkness and anxiety for me…….In my favorite words of Bob Marley: “Don’t worry, about a thing, cause every little thing is going to be alright”.
    Easier said than done, but trying!

  130. Feels like you wrote this just for me. Thank you! Guess I’m not alone and neither are you, Jenny!

  131. I feel under appreciated and I often feel like I can never make my family happy. So many times I think I cannot do this anymore but I wake up again the next day and try. Thank you all for sharing so Im not alone

  132. Things will improve. Although I haven’t ever met you, your words are appreciated and you make the world better. Life if full of changes. Next time you are feeling better, raise your hand in the air for a hive five from me.

  133. I appreciate the energy you’ve shared through your words to create a sense of belonging, which seems evaporative in despair.

  134. The comments above make me realize what an angel you are Jenny, for providing us all a place to share our truths, and support each other, and to fight back against our depression and anxiety monsters’ lies.
    Big virtual comforting hugs to everyone out there.

  135. OMG did this hit at the right time. I am on the struggle bus, depression rearing its ugly head. I went two or three days feeling good, positive journal entries, even felt proud of myself and yesterday The Sads kicked in and today it’s trying to suffocate me. I needed this like oxygen today.

  136. This part *SHOULD* be what is represented on reels!

    For anyone who needs to hear this: Hang in there–you can get through this!

  137. You are not alone. You are very much loved and appreciated. If you need to put your head down to rest from typing – or thinking – or breathing – absolutely do it. You are a magical creature with amazing strength. There is always hope.

  138. You are a wonderful inspiration to others, no matter what their current journey is. We gain strength from your strength and you are a WARRIOR!! You are not alone. I am not alone. I was struggling with some health stuff that triggered ocular migraines and my brain goes immediately to the dark place of – ‘is it a tumor?’. I cannot tell you how much it helps to have someone say, ‘man I’ve been having them lately too’. It’s like shining a light of hope and that you are NOT ALONE!!! Hugs to you!

  139. It was because of you that I sent a stuffed animal to a stranger’s crotch goblin….YOU did that, even while in the muck and the mire. Thank you for giving me that opportunity.

  140. My dad passed 12/18 and we buried him yesterday. I’ve been trying to hold my family together while grieving, and your message hit me right in the feelers. Thank you for your candid honesty and letting me know I’m not. alone. I say to you, dear one, chin up- chest out! We will prevail. You are not alone. ❤️

  141. I’m in the hole some this season too. Trying to figure out what’s wrong with my body and dealing with chronic pain. It’s just shitty. You’re right. We’ll get through it. Thank you for your help in that.

  142. Jenny, I know you’re not used to posting when you’re in the middle of it, but I want to say that your post was very important to me. I’m always jealous of you doing so much, and so well, even with all of your health problems. It made me feel less than, like, “she does all the crap and I can’t even function.” You are now more relatable to me. Follow-up mammogram turned out well. Leaving soon for the dentist. These appointments never end.

  143. Jenny, YOU are the one who taught me that my brain lies to me. It had never occurred to me that the little niggling voices were terrible lies my brain made up. I still hear and feel them sometimes, but I label them as lies and they have less hold on me. Here’s to a new year where all of the lies, and darkness, and exhaustion lose their grip a little bit and we all get a deeper breath of air.

  144. Oof, did this resonate for me and it found me right when I needed it. I need to try to remember not to believe the lies my depressed brain tries to shovel at me. Thank you for this. May we all find hope and a bit of joy.

  145. Oh sweetie, I’m so often in a similar space. But for my son, I keep going and looking for the light. The light will find you.

  146. I have a growing list of emails and FB messages that I have given myself permission to ignore until I have the bandwidth for them.
    Most of these simply require me to click a “like” from people wishing me happy holidays or some other such muck.
    And I do not have the bandwidth for their generic, flaccid, cheer.

  147. This holiday season has been hard. My oldest son lost his battle with his demons in August, and while I’m doing “better” in a general sense, grief still comes and kicks me in the chest out of the blue over the weirdest things. My message that I shared at his memorial was “There is always hope,” and I believe that, but as I stayed busy making Christmas a happy thing for the rest of my family, I had bouts of “What’s the point?” I’m not ok, and having lost my son is something I’ll never be ok about, but that’s ok. I’ll keep moving forward even knowing the lots is always going to be there. This whole thing sucks and is really hard.

  148. It may not seem like it up close, but you have a circle of people around the world holding you in our hearts and believing you are important and special. Last Christmas I was where you are now, and this year despite sadness and grief I can get up and clear the table and plan the next meal. Hold strong, my dear.

  149. Hi Jenny. When I lost my spouse, a close friend who was providing me with emotional support also sent me a short note which simply said “Know that I am thinking of you.” I kept that note at hand for many years, realizing that many people were thinking of me and sending strength and love. Right now I am thinking of YOU – THANKING YOU for being so open, for sharing your struggles and victories. It helps me and so many others. THANKS ALWAYS.

  150. Thank you for the reminder & back at you. The struggle is real and those on the outside just don’t understand how dark it can be at times. Knowing there are others in this circle helps.

  151. Thank you. Today is a hard day for me. And I don’t have an explanation. It just is.

  152. Even when you’re down you have the power to lift people up. Thank you and bless you. It always does get better.

  153. “You are loved more than you now.” That one got me right in the feels. I have a loving husband and two loving sons and (hurrah!) a loving DIL. And I love them right back. Thank you.

  154. “You are loved more than you know…” That one got me right in the feels. I have a loving husband and two loving sons and (yay!) a loving DIL, not to mention a fair number of loving friends. I tend to linger on the ways I may have failed them, say, back when a son was 3; how silly is that? Thank you for the reminder that there are people who love me, warts and all.

  155. Thank you so much for this. For writing what I didn’t realize I needed to read. Thank you for sharing, for letting us in and showing us we’re not alone.

  156. Hugs! Yes, the Holidays are full of ups and downs. OMG! I just realized why it is called an “emotional rollercoaster”. I mean, I knew that, but it never clicked in visual like that before.

  157. I understand. I don’t have the magic wand to fix us. Make it through this night one breath at a time.

  158. I don’t now how to make it through tonight.

    (Keep breathing. Reach out for help. The crisis hotline had helped me before. ~ Jenny)

  159. Thanks for posting this. I really needed to read it today. I always have a hard time transitioning from the lazy holidays back to school and work. I feel like I didn’t do “enough” over the holidays — not enough chores, didn’t cook enough, didn’t create enough “holiday magic” for my family. I realize it’s bullshit, in my thinking brain, but my emotional brain has yet to let go of the guilt. It’s nice to come here, away from all the pretty social media posts, away from the commercials of families laughing and having a great time, and realize none of us is alone.

  160. You are such a gift to so many. You just fold everybody into your arms and we are safe and warm and sane together. Thank you.

  161. Thank you so much for posting this kind of real and rawness. Nomatter how much I tell myself that I am not alone- it feels like the most empty and lonely place in the world during one of my bouts of depression. It helps to read about others that are dealing with this as well. I sit here writing this response and just hanging on to a tiny little thread of hope that it will soon get better. Thank you Jenny.

  162. Love you Jenny. I appreciate this post so much. Reading your first book was one of the first things that spurred me on to accepting and loving myself. Then I sent you an email to tell you I loved your book, and you emailed me back! Just the boost I needed to feel like I wasn’t alone. Today I’m doing things I love, and I’m learning to cope with and accept the hard things. Thanks for sharing your light sweet lady.

  163. You have no idea how much I needed to read this…not when you wrote it, but today because this is when the universe knew I needed it! Finding your blog is the best thing that has happened to me in such a long time!

    I have read everything you have written, and colored my heart out…I gave your first two books to my son whilst he was in the psychiatric hospital. You made him laugh, really laugh, for the first time in months! They now have your books in their reading material…you Jenny, you in all your imperfections, are truly a life saver! This is a fact not to be disputed!
    I have loved you crazy woman for years, I wanted to climb through my monitor during your live event a few years ago because I wanted so badly to hug you and whisper something into your ear…I will say it here instead…

    “Jenny Lawson, you have saved my life!” And I can see that it is a life worth saving after I too climb out of the depths of depression. You have in so many ways come into my hole and taken my hand, one ridiculous sentence at a time, and helped to lead me back to the land of wanting to save myself!

    Thank you Jenny! Words can never express just how grateful I am for a stuffed Raccoon being on the cover of a book! Who can resist a stuffed Raccoon?

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