This is 49.

in Random Crap

Today is my birthday. The first person to wish me happy birthday today was a robot who only knows me through my vagina and that’s how you know we live in the future. Also, I told Hailey that and they were like, “Ew. Like a vibrator?” and I was like, “No, an auto-voicemail from my gynocologist’s office. Who gets a birthday greeting from a vibrator?” and they were like, “THAT’S WHY I WAS CONCERNED”.

Then my friend R. Eric Thomas posted his list of things that are “in” for 2023 and it included “going ‘oop’ when someone bumps into you” and I commented “I’ve been ooping since before it was cool” but autocorrect was like, “That’s not a real word” and helpfully changed my comment so instead I proudly bragged that “I’ve been pooping since before it was cool”.

All this to say that age 49 me seems just as on track to fuck things up as ages 1-48 me so I will celebrate consistency if nothing else.

So here is what I want for my birthday: I want you to share my birthday with me and do something awesome for yourself. Take a bubble bath. Read a good book. Go outside and pet a dog. Eat some cheese. Buy that thing you’ve had on your wishlist but keep putting off because it’s silly. Make nachos. Have breakfast for dinner. Play THE-FLOOR-IS-LAVA with whoever is nearby. Explore a cave. Find the weirdest thing that exists in your town and go do that. Whatever you want.

Happy birthday to us. I super love you.

285 thoughts on “This is 49.”

Read comments below or add one.

  3. I turned 49 yesterday, I will with pleasure enjoy another day in your honour. 🙂 Happy Birthday!

  6. I celebrated your birthday by buying a few things from Nowhere. Happy birthday, Jenny. I’m glad you’re here.

  8. Happy Birthday! In honor of you I have been eating Christmas cookies. All. Day. I thought you might appreciate that.
    In January I’m turning 60 (gulp) and I decided to celebrate my 60th birthday by making 60 pies over the course of the year…should be fun.
    Vagina Robot…sounds truly creepy.
    Enjoy your day!

  11. Happy Birthday!!! Go do something you’ve always wanted to do as well!! And then share it with us!

  13. Happy Birthday, Jenny! I’m already planning on taking my dog for a walk after dinner tonight for the first time in a while since the weather has warmed up a bit here, but I’ll tell her it’s in your honor. 😉

  14. You share your birthday with my godson so o took today off work for both of you. And ate some chocolate.

  18. Happy birthday to us, literally! Today for my birthday I’m going to the beach and hoping to see some turtles. We may snorkel and eat some cookies (not simultaneously). There will be umbrella drinks. It’s my first birthday celebration in 50 years that hasn’t been cold!

  24. Happy birthday. I told my cat it’s your birthday. He didn’t seem impressed, but I’ll bet if you have some cake, then he’ll totally be into it, so please have some cake today in order to impress my cat.

  25. Happy birthday and thank you for the ideas! It’s my birthday too and I needed some ideas for fun.

  26. I went to a Depeche Mode bar tonight. Because I’m also 49. And people who are 49 do uncool things like that. Oop.

  27. Happy Birthday! Today is mine as well – 40 :/. My first birthday message was from my Physical Therapist office….

  28. Happy Birthday, Jenny! What a generous way to celebrate – by encouraging us to do something awesome for ourselves. Thank you for that gift! And I say – right back at ya!

  29. I’m celebrating you by enjoying a fire outside and eating pasta for dinner at 2:30pm. In Ontario, Canada. In a snow storm. It’s fucking everything.

  30. Happy birthday. I hope today and all of 49 continues to be magical and ridiculous.

  31. Happy birthday and do enjoy it because even though you don’t know it, you are still young. When you hit 65, you’ll know that this is true – but by then, you’ll be too old to care : ) Love –

  32. Happy Birthday. I got a root canal for your birthday. I’m thinking that something much more fun should come later. Or just sleep. That would be nice too.

  33. Happy birthday!!! On your edict, I purchased the memoir of a foster father/trauma survivor (whose birthday is also today, and I purchased it from him instead of Nowhere because it came with a stuffed animal donation to a kid in care), and then I signed up for a one-day class in February at a quilt store that requires a FERRY RIDE 😍 to access, to learn a technique called the cathedral window block that has been on my bucket list. Can you feel the dopamine radiating off this comment?!

  34. Happy birthday, Jenny! I turned 40 7 days ago and I felt largely the same. Cheers to our birthdays that are a week apart.

  35. Happy Birthday! I’m 59 1/2 and it just gets more absurd. I’ve really enjoyed becoming a bit more relaxed than I was when I was young. Today, I’m gathering ingredients for a cake that we’ll have at the surprise party we’re throwing my son, who’s getting his long-awaited top surgery next week. The sun is out and it’s a beautiful, bright, cold Colorado day where I am. I hope you have a wonderful day!

  36. Happy birthday! (And George says hi to Beyonce). I’m spending your day watching Alan Rickman movies like “Bottle Shock” and “Blow Dry.” This clearly meets your requirements.

  37. Wishing you a magical birthday and year ahead and celebrating you by terrifying airline passengers as I travel.

  38. Happy Birthday! My birthday is on Saturday and I too will be 49. Hope you have a great day.

  41. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JENNY!

    One of my friends and I decided to walk over to Subway for lunch even though it’s all slushy and gross out and then proceeded to talk about absolutely nothing useful for two hours. Topic of the day — why do some nouns work as verbs but not others? For instance, we never say “I’m going to car to Subway”, but it’s perfectly understandable to say “I’m going to bike to Subway”. Alternatively, you can say “I’m going to mop the floor”, but you would never say “I’m going to broom the floor”.

  44. Thanks, I think I will. Oh, and happiest of birthdays. ( Next year will not be as much fun)

  45. I still insist that the singular possessive neopronoun should be “they was”, but what do I know (?)
    Anyway, Happy Birthday.

  46. Happy Birthday! Thanks for sharing your birthday magic. I decided to try an Asian restaurant I’ve been wanting to try for years but haven’t because it’s a 30 min drive. I’m so glad I did! They have the fried salt and pepper squid I haven’t been able to find anywhere since I left Florida. I’m so happy!

  49. Happiest of days to you! I am 69 now and still do silly stuff! Keeps me young, even if it is just in my head.

  50. Happy Happy Birthday. Today is my daughter’s birthday also though she is a few years older. I can’t think of anyone better than you to share a birthday with❣️

  51. Happy Birthday!! It’s such a Jenny thing to do, to want to share your birthday with everyone else. I appreciate all that you are and all that you do!

  52. Happy birthday, Jenny! I super love you, too! Thanks for sharing yourself with us every day and for sharing your birthday celebration with us today. I like your style!

    P.S. In Mexico a couple of weeks ago, I met (well, I met a lot of people, but only one matters to this discussion) a Canadian woman who was there with her spouse and her siblings and their spouses. She said something that made me think of you (probably something related to “Knock knock, motherfucker!”). Anyway, I recommended all of your books to her. I wrote everything down, including publication years, so she can’t avoid getting to know and love you!

  57. For you, I took the dog and the cat for a walk. Separately. The cat walked about 10 steps in the back yard then we sat and chilled for 10 minutes (it’s such a nice day). Then then the dog and I took about a thousand steps and neither of us pooped. So it’s a win.

    Happy boofday!

  58. Happy Birthday! Here in the Midwest, we say Ope! when we bump into someone, or something, or nothing. Oop is pretty close.

  59. I turned 49 in July. I had grand ambitions to blog about it everyday. Had a title and everything. This is 49. Catchy eh? I gave up after two days. Turns out 49 is not that interesting. But I did do something for myself today. I stayed in bed. All damn day. For no reason.

  61. I just ate about 12 dark chocolate cremes instead of lunch. Happy Birthday! I’m taking all those calories for you, and doing something for myself. I’m a giver like that. 😉

  62. Happy birthday!!! And exactly how do you play the floor is lava? Don’t want to break a hip if I do it wrong.

  63. It sounds like your birthday is beginning with great giggles at least. Today I picked up enchiladas for lunch and will indulge in far too many Christmas dinner/dessert leftovers later and cuddle my dog. May you have a wonderful birthday. We love you too!!

  64. Not real weird, but I got a hair cut and style which I’ve been putting off since 2020! Anyway, happy birthday!

  66. Happy Birthday Jenny. Thank you for bringing so much Joy to the world 🙂 I wish for you whatever you wish for yourself and hope all your BD wishes come true!

  67. There are only 44 thoughts so far on 49, so I’m adding number 45 to help you get there. Okay, that’s not a great sentence. Thank you for the invite to share your birthday with you. I am going to play THE-FLOOR-IS-LAVA, though I have to play it by myself, it will still make me smile.
    Happy Birthday!

  69. Happy birthday!!!! Hailey is the best – the vibrator comment completely made my day (it’s gray and drizzly here and my knee hurts because I tripped on a broken sidewalk a few weeks ago and smashed it into the pavement, so don’t do that on your birthday) You are the best! <3

  70. Happy birthday, you wonderful human! For your gift, I will be buying myself a new Tarot deck, because I’ve wanted one for a while but keep thinking that’s a silly and unnecessary thing to have. But since it’s what you want for your birthday, I’m gonna do it!

  71. Happy Birthday Jenny!
    Mine was yesterday, but the fam was busy, so we’re having some kind of dessert and ice cream tonight. Whoo-hoo, Happy Birthday to us! Sweet treats at my brother’s house, 6:30~ish. You’re invited!

  73. Happy Birthday!! I’ve been 49 for five months. I’ve only lost two limbs and half of my hair. Other than that, best year of my life thus far.

  75. Happy birthday! You make the world a better place by being wonderfully you (and I appreciate that *so* much)!

  76. You already have the greatest gift. You make people laugh. That is huge and amazing. Thank you. Happy birthday, Jenny.

  80. I’m 49 1/2. Let me prepare you for the next 6 months since I have some experience. Menopause has arrived. My liver enzymes are elevated and I need more sleep than ever. Happy birthday.

  81. Oh Baby Gurl!! Happy B-day from the GYN office…AWESOME! Have a fabulous day, I will also!

  83. Happy Birthday Jenny!! I just got back from CVS ..because my husband insisted we use our whopping $3.47 coupon called..Extra Bucks to purchase something that costs more than that. Im too depressed and tired to argue…that I now spent a needless $21.00 on crap we don’t need. But I will celebrate you later when I lie next to my labradoodle and let him lick my toes.
    You are loved💖

  86. Hi! it’s me again. Another Jennifer married to a Victor… Gosh, you are still married, right? I’m afraid I’ve not kept up lately… with anything. I turned 50 in September and it was so anticlimactic (yep, not even a vibrator or robot call). I’ve not been in the best place mentally for a few years. 2022 started with a self-committal and ended with SSA telling me I’m not disabled enough for disability. I don’t know what to do with that, I don’t feel stable enough to find work, even though I want to. On top of that, my dad passed in September, 5 days after my birthday, and this month I found my brother dead at his house. The thing I’ve wanted to buy but haven’t been able to justify is a 3D printer. Maybe I’ll pull the trigger on that today, but probably not. Anyway… Grief sucks donkey wongs and I’m too muddled to even end this on a good note. Happy Birthday!

  88. In Minnesota it’s “Ope!” and we do it any time we feel like we’re in someone’s way (or their in our way. Like, “Ope!, let me just get by you der!” or “Ope! Just rammed into you with my shopping cart!” or “Ope! Just ate half of the last half of the doughnut!” (which is also a MN thing–no one is allowed to take the last of anything). I think I’m going to go work on my jigsaw puzzle in your honor!

  91. Happy Birthday! Forty-nine is the square of seven. A person between 40 and 49 is called a quadragenarian. Also, It would take 19 minutes to fall to the center of the earth! You’d think that would mean it might take 38 minutes to go through the whole earth, but I think gravity is weird, and you might get stuck in the middle or crushed, or burn, but facts are weird.

  92. The happiest of birthdays to you! 49 is a fabulous year (trust me, I know).
    Much love and giggles and blessings 🙂

  93. Have a wonderful birthday, Jenny. I celebrated by spending way too much on card making supplies. If I ever get motivated enough to go into the craft room, I’ll send you one.

  94. I’m a Canadian and as a baby leaves the canal in Canada it says ‘oop, scuse me’. Am pretty use we invented ‘oop’ and penicillin but more importantly’oop’.

  95. Have a great Birthday!! I splurged and bought the second bottle of vodka cause. Hey. It was on sale!! So I will celebrate with you!! And I am glad your vagina is doing good too! Oops, that sounds weird!!

  99. I super love you, too! My life is so much better with you and your wonderful weirdness in it. Happy birthday!

  100. Happy birthday to you and all the other lovely people on this thread. I’m sorry your vibrator did greet you today – I agree with Haley that would have been disturbing. I had a lovely lunch with the only other workers to come in today – we shared a meal, told fun stories and just enjoyed each other’s company. Happy New Year.

  102. Happy birthday! I’m going to listen to one of your audiobooks to celebrate. And have a hot chocolate with a candy cane.

  103. Happy birthday, Jenny,
    In Minnesota we don’t say “oop,” we say, “ope.” Long oh. No one knows why. might have something to do with the Scandinavian immigrants who settled here.

  104. Happy Birthday, Jenny! I wish you lots of laughter, because it really IS the best medicine.
    Also, since I’ve been learning Italian via DuoLingo on my phone, I seem to have broken my predictive text. My phone has no idea what I am trying to say anymore, so I have changed its name from Ariel’s A10S to Jon Snow, because YOU KNOW NOTHING JON SNOW.

  106. Happy birthday! I had a midday nap and will eat good cheese in your honour. Thanks for sharing your gifts with all of us.

  110. Totally eating a pint of Christmas tree ice cream today just for your birthday 🙂

  113. Happy birthday! Apparently I just adopted my neighbor’s abandoned cat in honor of your birthday. That’s fun, right?

  115. I notified my shitty boss I had an “appointment” at 1115 and would not be returning to work. I met up with a friend I’ve not seen for too long for Thai food and came home to sit in the 71 degree sun drinking way too many beers…or is that really a thing? Oh, and a lady bug just landed on me. Best day ever! Happy birthday friend!

  117. Happy birthday. I am one year ahead of you. I did eat some cheese today so all is good. Apparently in Ohio we all say oop but I was like no way I do that and then I actually heard it come out of my mouth.

  118. Happy birthday, fellow Capricorn!

    In Minnesota we say ‘ope’ whenever we almost run into anyone, it’s something in the water I think

  119. Happy birthday, Jenny! I actually have found my 50s to be pretty awesome…so you can look forward to that!!

  123. Happy birthday Jenny!!! My niece turns 1 today and I am glad that I will always remember your birthday when I celebrate hers. Today I am making myself a nice cup of coffee and taking a shower. Which is pretty good for me because I have aquaphobia.

  128. I live in Ontario Canada, and the first birthday greeting you get when you turn 50 is from the government reminding you to get a birthday mammogram and colonoscopy now that you are HIGH RISK for cancer… just awesome.
    Happy birthday Jenny, if you receive a fraction of the joy you bring, it will be a great year!

  129. I live in Ontario Canada, and the first birthday greeting you get when you turn 50 is from the government reminding you to get a birthday mammogram and colonoscopy now that you are HIGH RISK for cancer… just awesome.
    Happy birthday Jenny, if you receive a fraction of the joy you bring, it will be a great year!

  131. My 49 was in April. I feel you ❣️ I promise to celebrate with you and do the things on the list! Way to make 49 amazing 🤩

  133. It may be your birthday, but we readers/fans are the ones getting the gift—the smiles, support, and community you’ve cultivated here. Happy birthday to you, Jenny!

  134. Happy Birthday! I’ve been relaxing and reading Stanley Tucci’s book, Taste. It’s very good. Also catching a cat nap here and there.

  135. Happy birthday. Again, I can’t relate. Your last post here, you could barely keep your head from falling on your desk. Now it’s all light and laughter. I want that to happen to ME. I can’t even talk on the phone anymore because my gulping, gasping anxiety voice can’t be deciphered by others. And then I start to cry and I hate it. I just can’t see that light at the end of the tunnel, the depression is winning, my son doesn’t understand, and I don’t have a Victor to make everything alright. My house is a mess and that’s a stressor, but I have no energy.

  136. “Find the weirdest thing that exists in your town and go do that”.
    I live in a town I truly hate. I spent the last 10 years trying to coexist with it. But recently I’ve realized I’m never going to happily coexist with this wretched place that I hate so I’m just going to have to eat it and make it part of me. And I think finding the weirdest thing to do here and doing that would be a great first step for leaning in to the midwestern-rust-belt-ness of where I live.

  137. Happy Birthday, Jenny. I’m going to take a walk in the Sun and Hope that the sunlight and the movement fires up some serotonin for me. I know that your funny story did.

  138. Congratulations for surviving another revolution around the sun, Jenny!
    I’m so glad you’re here for us – even at your darkest points.
    Please remember – when you don’t think there’s a way out – that all your Bloggess Beeps are out here, loving & supporting & holding you up, and we have formed friendships and given gifts and tried new things and held on… simply because you are you. We love you!
    *I* love you.
    Happy Birthday. 🙂

  139. Happiest of Birthdays! I found that as I entered my 50s, whatever hormones made me give a fuck about what other people think just dried up and went away, never to be seen again. I highly recommend it.

  142. Happy birthday to us! Today is my 42nd! So far I’ve been celebrating with a whole lot of sleeping and it’s been fabulous. The holidays are exhausting!

  143. Happy birthday! I’m from Wisconsin where we ope instead of oop. Haven’t lived there for most of my adult life but I’m still out here oping like it’s cool. (Autocorrect wanted that to be opting which I guess I’m also doing even if I’m mostly opting out.)

  145. Happy Happy Happy Birthday! I super love you too. As a fellow 49 yr old, this year will be awesome as you are. <3

  146. All the best people are turning 49 this week (well, you and my husband, so two of the best people anyway). Congrats, I hope you also enjoy some awesome today. Also from Wisconsin where we “ope” continuously. We might be just clumsy but I’ll blame spending half of the year either slipping on ice or trying to avoid slush. You get used to having to excuse yourself.

  147. Happy Birthday Jenny – I super love you more and hope you are feeling well mentally and physically for your birthday and always after!

  149. Happy Birthday Jenny! In honor of you I will be taking the day off work! Yay You!
    And let me tell you, my 40’s and 50’s were some of the best years of my life. I divorced my 1st, met a wonderful man and started my life over again. I felt like a teenager and we did wild and crazy things. I’m not saying dump Vincent, g-d forbid! Just keep on being the awesome couple you are and enjoy every second.

  151. Happy Birthday!!! Without knowing it was your birthday I started reading Broken this morning. Talk about good timing!

  152. Dearest Jenny, we can all celebrate the day you were born because, if you were never born, who would we love and get such humour and support from???
    Happy Birthday you wonderful weirdo!

  154. Happy Birthday, Jenny! I’m going to have breakfast for dinner and read a good book.

  156. Happy Birthday, Jenny. Every fucking year (I’m 52 now) the first message I get for my birthday comes from a driving school I went to in 1988. I never got my license. I failed 7 or 8 times, can’t even remember, then I decided to quit. But these horrible people keep reminding me I’m no good. They write “Happy Birthday” but I read “another year being a vile pedestrian, you sucker”. Anyway I can’t stand cars and traffic and I love walking around, so it should not be so bad.
    My point is “why do they start so early”. This year I’ll make them delete my personal data.

  159. Happiest birthday, you absolute treasure! You are loved: ardently, resolutely, diligently, mindfully! Be you, happily!

  160. I’m from Wisconsin. We say Ope to people, pets, and inanimate objects, regardless of who is at fault. I’ve even Oped myself. Nice to know I’ll finally be cool!

  161. I actually DO share my birthday with you, Jenny, so happiest of days to my birthday twin! I’m still trying to figure out the awesome thing to do for myself today. Might have to wait until tomorrow or the weekend. My brother and sister-in-law took me out to lunch today, at least!

  162. I was 49, 18 years ago…it’s still good to be here and loving your stories and adventures and telling people to “Read this book and this book and this book of Jenny’s She is brilliant and just as weird as I am and I am proud to know her and love her and call her mine even though we have never met, but I have bought books from her and she has great taste and cool stuffed animals and things even stranger than I do…so tell her Happy
    Birthday and now I am celebrating for her by drinking another beer and sitting in a bubble bath! Happy Happy Jenny day!

  163. Happy birthday! Having celebrated my 49th 15 years ago, I can tell you that you’re never too old to keep fucking things up as you always have! Also, I must have clairvoyed (new word) what you wish for us: I finished a good book today and have another one waiting; I ordered something today I’ve had on my wishlist; and I’m getting dinner from a taco truck on my way home. And it’s not even my birthday. So happy I’ve had you in my life the last few years; your work has meant a lot to me. Please do stick around!

  164. Wishing you a very Happy Birthday as I play The Floor is Lava (which I totally play almost every day at the school I work at).

  166. I think an auto-voicemail birthday greeting from your gynocologist’s office is actually weirder than the vibrator option.

  168. I am now picturing an animated Georgia O’Keefe vaginal flower singing “Happy Birthday Jenny!” Thanks for making me
    😃. PS I called my best friend and ate queso. The Velveeta block kind. Thanks for the gifts! And Happy F*}!~# Bday to my favorite humor writer.

  170. I was like ‘what kind of vibrator is does that?!!’ I’m at an amusement park getting ready to watch a Christmas parade. Happy Birthday!

  171. I’m from Minnesota. I probably said oop in utero. Thankfully didn’t poop in utero.

  172. Happy Birthday youngster! In honor of your birthday I celebrated by treating my car to a new battery and had delicious street tacos (from Costco) for lunch. So good!! Now to grab a few chocolate covered pretzels for dessert.

  173. Happy Birthday! My 43rd is on Sunday, so Hello, fellow Capricorn! I bought the book Mortal Monarchs: 1,000 Years of Royal Deaths by Suzie Edge to celebrate because who needs “normal” Birthday presents when I can have a morbid book instead?!

  174. Awe. How sweet is that. Happy Birthday! I have not decided yet what my gift is to me yet. BTW – we all love you too❤️

  175. I super love you, Jenny. Thanks for being such a great best friend in my head. I hope you had a birthday as fantastic as you are!

  178. Happy Birthday to one of the brightest lights – I wish I had something exciting to report, but I made my 8 year-old take a nap with me because it’s the only way I could get her to stop talking….🤣🤣

  180. Happy birthday! I turned 71 and it is wonderful fun – if this is “down hill”. It’s a great slide into free fall all the way! Wooo

  181. Happy 29 Jenny! 😉 Today I found a “Kong” dog bone in the field next to our house, and after checking with our neighbor to be sure it didn’t belong to his dogs, set it out by the mailbox so some good dog would claim it. Drank 1/2 bottle of wine while making dinner, before reading your post, so, all good!

  183. Thank you for sharing your birthday with me! I’ve been feeling badly about my food choices but just remembered it’s primarily fueled by PMS and my/your birthday gift to myself is calming down and understanding that I’m not heading towards 500lbs. Gentle kindness is a great gift!

  185. Happy birthday Jenny! I just turned 50 on Dec 10 and that’s when everything finally clicks. Just kidding I’m still a mess just with more wrinkles and aches. I watched Everything Everywhere All at Once for your birthday. I didn’t understand 78% of it but it made laugh and made me cry and gave me hope and that seems like the best we can get some days. I hope you had a good birthday!

  186. Happy birthday! I love your books and I have read “broken” twice–
    Because of you, I tried TMS. I will have my last treatment next week and it has lifted me up to a good place again… Thanks for everything you do!

  187. Happy Birthday, Jenny! Today, I finished, The Daughter of Auschwitz by Tova Friedman and ate a jelly donut. I turn 50 in ten days! It is fine. It will be fine. I will be fine. Also, I can’t try to be funny like you. It’s hard. So, I’ll just leave it at that.

  188. Happy birthday, friend. You and your vagina!
    We had our make-up Christmas dinner which was pretty grand, but my dad is sick, so still stressful.
    But a few years ago I found a plate that said MERRY CHRISTMAS but the font is weird so it looks like it says MESSY CHIRSTMAS and that’s been our fucking motto.
    2022 was so very a MESSY CHRISTMAS and it’s gonna last til Epiphany at this point.

  189. Happy Day of Your Birth!

    “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is you-er than you. Shout aloud, I am glad to be what I am. Thank goodness I’m not a ham, or a clam, or a dusty old jar of gooseberry jam. I am what I am, what a great thing to be. If I say so myself, happy everyday to me!”

    ― Dr. Seuss

  190. Happy happy birthday, Jenny! My mom used to say, “On her birthday, the Queen bestows presents on her subjects.” So there ya go, Queenie (I mean Your Majesty) All birthday love to 49!!!

  191. I hate to bed the bearer of bad news, but I thought my 50s were awesome. No cramps, no PMS, some hot flashes, but fans work.

    Now I’m 60, & I’ll let you know next year how the 60s are shaping up

  194. Hailey is soooooooo your kid the fact that they thought a vibrator wished yoh happy birthday is so on brand for you lol. Happy birthday I hope you don’t get eaten by a rabid spider and that no evil witch put a curse on you. But if any of this does happen I have a feeling you make it work for you. Happy birthday

  195. Happy Birthday Jenny! I love you and it’s also my birthday today so I hope you did something fun too.

  197. Happy birthday! You share a birthday with my daughter Jessica, who turned 40 today. We just got off the phone – sounds as if she’s in good spirits (we live a couple of states apart.) She was just getting ready to go out and grab dinner with our grandson.
    I hope the year ahead is a good one for both of you.

  199. I super love everything about this. Hooray for 1973 babies! For your birthday I flew home from visiting my fam-damily and was greeted by a very needy cat who wants to know why (at 9pm) I’m not in bed yet. Hooray! 🙂

  200. Thank you for being you and letting me and all the rest of us share your birthday. I hope you know the difference you’ve made in all our lives. Happy Birthday and May 2023 be gentle and kind to you. Sending love to you from frozen Ohio. ❄️Petey❄️

  201. Happy Birthday!
    I ate homemade Christmas cookies and watched part of the Harry Potter 2nd movie with my family from out of state, and I agreed with my mother that as soon as everyone left for home tomorrow, that she would take a long nap in her apartment and I would take a long nap in my apartment.
    On a really positive note, most of my family suffers from anxiety, or depression, or both, and migraines, but we seem to feel it lessen when we get into our mid 70’s, and it becomes more tolerable. So as I grow older, I look forward to my mental health possibly getting better.
    I hope you have a really great new year and I’m so glad you created this universe where we can be ourselves in all our messed up imperfectness.

  203. Happy Birthday!!!
    I had a mammogram for your birthday, but fortunately it’s still early so I will definitely have some ice cream and/or cookie dough in your honor. I hope 2023 is your best year ever! 💜

  204. Happy birthday to us! 48 for me today, but close enough. I also oop (and poop). I’m on vacation on a cruise and today took the nerdy behind-the-scenes tour to learn how the bridge, engine room, and laundry operations work. And then I had lobster for dinner.

    Here’s to another year!

  205. I super love you, too! Happy Birthday! I am drinking chardonnay and reading Fresh Water for Flowers for your birthday. Thank you for sharing your wonderfulness with all of us. Xxxooo

  208. Happy Birthday Jenny! I appreciate your books greatly and find myself rereading them when depression gets too hard! Thanks for make us all laugh! Depression sucks.. and you make it a bit less suckier! Thanks for that love!!!

  209. Today for your birthday, we climbed out of the hole we’ve been hiding in, went to a fancy fiber store, got some silky weaving yarn, and collected a sectional beam adapter for the Toika loom. Then to both Raven and Grey Matter bookshops, which we seldom get to. We had a wonderful Jenny-day, and I hope that “it was a good day-ness” made its way there too you as well! Happy birthday Jenny❣️

  210. Today was my mother’s birthday! She passed away 32 years ago. I still miss her. She’d have gotten a kick out of your books! Happy Birthday Jenny! ❤️

  212. My 76th birthday was yesterday. A couple of friends took me to dinner and I ordered the Whole Crispy Fish. It was huge and I have leftovers. I went to my favorite bar and the bartenders bought me a couple of shots. Happy birthday to everyone who lived through the hell of being born so close to Christmas. It was no fun as a kid. It’s so much better now. And HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENNY!

  213. Happy birthday! Love you and your honesty and just the real-ness that you Side note, I’ve been pooping since before it was “in”, too!

  215. Happy Birthday Jenny! I had scrambled eggs for dinner in your honor, and I did it before I even read this post. How amazing is that?!?!?

  216. Happy birthday you beautiful amazing talented woman. You bring brightness into our days when darkness surrounds us.

  217. Happy Birthday! But 49 is not old. Try being 69!!! You might spend the entire year of that age considering yourself 70 — and you’re not! (Yet.) I am 69, and although parts of me LOOK old, and I don’t feel 25, I still don’t feel like an old person. (I have nothing against old people; I just don’t like being that close to my eventual demise.)

  218. as a minnesotan, i’ve been saying ‘oop’ all my life. not just when i bump into things, but if i’m carrying something and i bump what i’m carrying into things. laundry basket into the door frame. ‘oop’. hip-check the kitchen counter. ‘oop’. step on the dogs paw. ‘oop’ ‘sorry! sorry! are you okay?’

    happy birthday. i tried to play ‘the floor is lava’ with the dog. all i can say is there was both great *enthusiasm* and great confusion on my dog’s behalf. oh she TOTALLY wanted to play, but didn’t understand wtf i was doing. the harder i laughed, the more she wanted to play this strange game.

  221. Happy Birthday! Today is also my daughter’s birthday. Also, my grandson is 1 week old today. Can this day get any better? No. No it can’t. ❤️

  223. Today, the 30th, is my birthday. I don’t know what I’ll do for mine besides get up and go to work at 4:30 in the morning because today is Monday for me, but I had a depressive episode start, kicked it in the teeth, and then ate chili dogs for dinner last night for your birthday and that was pretty alright. Happy belated birthday to you, almost birthday twin. You’re doing great.

  225. Happy Birthday Jenny. I hope you have a wonderful day….side note….I turned 49 this year as well, but there were no special greeting from any vibrators. I must be doing something wrong…lol

  228. Happy Birthday! I am 25 years and 1 day older than you. You’ll enjoy the 70s . . .

  230. Happy Birthday, I hope you are feeling better/less “not okay” than you were days ago.

  231. Love your birthday wish for everyone to enjoy your day. Your 49 and thoughtful. I’m 52 today, the 30th. Down with Christmas combo gifts and hooray for my kids cleaning the house today – not sure yet whether or not dreams of this magnitude come true, but I’ll keep you posted.

  233. Happy birthday Jenny!! You make this world a better place especially for those of us that struggle with anxiety and depression. Thank you for your humor, your honesty, and most of all for just being you and showing the rest of us that we can be ourselves too ❤️

  234. Happy birthday! As someone who has crossed the border of 50, I can say every year above ground is a blessing but also a new way for life and your body to f*ck with you. Enjoy your day!

  235. I know I’m a day late but I hope besides birthday blessings from a robot you had a good day. May you get through the next year with less vagina robot blessings and much more craziness (the good kind not the kind where people are like OMG although a little of that is good too).

  237. Happy Birthday dear girl!! In your name I constructed a water proof shelter for the 2 feral cats that I have been feeding the past few months. It is not uncommon for assholes to dump animals in the canyon behind my house so this is a prelude to trapping them and getting them fixed. We are expecting a week of rain here in San Diego so now they will have a place to eat and stay dry. So far they approve of the arrangements and are grateful for your long distance support!! Much love to you and yours!!!

  239. Jenny, the 2 weirdest things in my town are the underage sexting partner of Anthony Weiner and a guy who made and sold an energy drink using meth and his urine. I’m going to skip that part and make rum balls for NYE and then say “Why wait?” and eat a few.

    In your honor. Much love to you.

  240. Happiest Birthday ever! I hope you are given the immense amount of joy today that you give to me whenever I read your books/blog

  241. Happy Birthday to us, my dear. We are older but I don’t feel any wiser, I am sure you do. You are the wisest person I know. Thank you for writing such helpful books and posts, tweets, and blogs about everything that I find fascinating. I hope all your wishes come true now and every day.

  243. Happy Birthday you stupendous human 🥳 Sending lots of birthday love and cwtches your way xxx

  244. Happy Birthday! I will listen to one of your books today for your birthday gift! <3

  245. Happy birthday, Jenny! I just myself a huge plate of chow fun. Just the noodles because there are few foods I love more than chow fun noodles.

  246. Happy Birthday, Jenny! Mine was on Tuesday. I turned 63, which is exactly three times older than my family ever expected because I had so many accidents and injuries as an under-supervised child. So while I barely celebrate the birthday itself, I think of it as an annual mark of achievement that I am yet again subverting my family’s expectations. Keep on living, that’s the secret.

  248. Happy birthday, Jenny!!! Your books have brought me so much joy and peace and giggles and self-love. I am so grateful for your willingness to share your pain, your journey and your humor. In fact, I bought one of your books for a friend with MS and migraines and numerous allergies — you know, one those people who seem to involuntarily attract/absorb all the negative and doofus energy in the environment. I hope she enjoys you as much as I have/do.

  249. Happy birthday, Jenny! In your honor, I have finished the half pint of chocolate ice cream as an afternoon snack while watching reruns of ‘King of the Hill’ instead of answering my work email.

  250. Happy Birthday to you for yesterday, and to me today. And yay for those of us brave enough to make our entrance during the last half of December, positively the worst time of year to be born. And huzzah to our mothers who put up with being at term over the holiday. 🙂

  252. Happy birthday to my favorite author who saved me in 2020 and who continues to bring it! Gonna kick my husband’s ass in Scrabble today in your honor. He wins 98% of the time, though barely. Today, I’m invoking the spirit of YOU so there’s no way he’s gonna win.

  253. I ate a dairy-free ice cream bar dipped in fudge and almonds and it was delicious. Now I’m going to wash dishes. But then I’m going to play a video game!

  254. Cheers to you on living to another birthday, Jenny! I’m really, really, REALLY trying to get back into doing art again after decades of adulting through trauma and depression and chronic diseases and working to pay for cats and home. I have a boatload of watercolours and other stupidly expensive items that I’ve bought over the last year that I keep hoping will mesh with my brain like osmosis and I will magically be inspired to use them. Perfectionism and self-doubt and shitty self-worth, oh and chronic tiredness, suck. BUT I’m going to give it a go this afternoon, just for you (and me, as per my clinical counsellor, because I should be #1), while I slurp a quad shot latte and have “Keep Sweet, Pray and Obey” on in the background. Nothing like a cringey docu-series to inspire one to use her new, handmade Inktober palette in various shades of black and grey! Take care, from northern British Columbia ~ Kathleen

    P.S. I just finished all three of your books and I am so happy to have “found” you in the last few months, thanks to Glennon’s podcast. And hell, I just realized that somehow I missed your episode on Kate Bowler’s podcast, so now I have to look for that. xo

  255. My cats are mad that the floor is so cold these days, they want the floor to be actual lava. And on that note: Keep on keeping on! Also, Happy Birthday!

  256. Happy Birthday to a woman who brings me so much joy, delight, and LOLs. It’s my nieces bday too so we’re going out to dinner and will eat with our toes in the sand (FL). Happy Birthday!

  257. Today I helped a friend take her mom’s wedding dress and make it into a Christmas tree skirt, I didn’t really know what I was doing and dove into it anyway and it turned out so cool! We were both so pleased that we tried. I love the projects that surprise and turn out so much better than we even thought.

  262. I’m late to the party as usual, but happy birthday anyway.

    I’m gonna be 45 sooner than I want to be and for my birthday I want to be able to upload my consciousness into a robot body that has my face but Cindy Crawfod’s body circa 1993.

  263. Happy belated birthday! I apologize, but all I did on that day was have a 3T MRI of my c-spine in a tiny radiology office with a sulfur leak.

  264. Jenny! It’s painfully obvious you’re loved by so many! I know, I’m on the list!! Happiest birthday Jenny!

  265. Happy Birthday, Jenny!
    I celebrated by walking around Reykjavik in the snow.
    I love that you included “go caving” because I’m a caver.

  267. Happy Birthday, Jenny! Thank you for being you-I am grateful for you!

    Today, I sat down at the table (instead of standing at the counter) and ate a giant fresh blueberry muffin and some brownies, because I felt like it. And they were awesome! Happy New Year!

  269. Happy birthday fellow December baby! I turned 49 on 12/28, so obviously now think we are best friends. Hope your 49th year has more light than dark!

  270. Happy birthday!!! Glad you’re in the world! (A world with vagina robots)

  271. While taking risks and visiting far-flung locations, I make $100 each hour. Last week, I travelled to Rome, Monte Carlo, and ultimately Paris while working remotely. This week, I’m back in the USA. I just use this one fantastic website for easy tasks. see it,
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    Click here————————————>>> GOOGLE WORK

  272. Holy shit! My birthday is the day before yours. Cool! Happy birthday. Anyway, I’m doing everything I can to stay young including giving blood, putting needles in my face monthly and taking waayyy too many vitamins. I’m going down kicking and screaming. Swear to God.

  273. Challenge accepted! I will go to the Haunted House Mini Golf in your honor and bring my Dad. He ruins the jump scares ’cause he’s awesome and scary AF in a Lurch sort of way and all the actors are scared to jump out. We got thrown out of Universal Studios when he grabbed a werewolf by the scruff for getting too close to me. I hope this year the bugaboos are scared of you too. Happy Birthday!

  274. I keep forgetting you’re younger than I am. I’m 52 right now… or as my mother would have said – “49 and 6-halves”

    Happy birthday my friend. I had a party last night…with actual people, in my actual house. My guest list of 10 turned into 18 with a couple “Hey I brought…” yeah..

    OMG I think that counts as your birthday present. 🙂

  275. You are exactly one day older than me 🥰… happy birthday! And I soaked in Epsom salts and lavender oil in honor of us ☺️

  276. I’ve been “ope”-ing before it was cool, I’ve never done the “oop”

  277. I can imagine the disappointment when it was your DR office and NOT the vibrator! lol

  278. I super love you, too. Today I took my friend’s dog for a walk TWICE which is a big deal post-RSV. Breathing is highly under-rated until it gets hard.

    Happy birthday to you, and thanks for keeping things weird Chez Bloggess.

  280. Happy belated birthday! For various reasons, I’m not leaving the house much at the moment, so I binge watched a Thai romantic drama (7 episodes) and several scenes were so intense that I literally forgot how to knit on the project I was working on…and at least one scene… um, never mind. I’ll go put myself in time out in a cold shower. Because damn.

  281. Happy belated birthday!

    I did not see this until now.

    On your birthday, I accidentally made nacho cheese frosting… so there’s that.

  282. Your birthday is one day away from mine (Dec 30 here). Happy birthday between Xmas and New Years! It’s a special kind of birthday only a few people get to enjoy 😉

  283. Happy belated birthday, Jenny! In an attempt to belatedly engage in a game of Floor-Lava, of which I know not the rules but am fine with making something up, and before long, it morphed into a different exercise as I layed back on the sofa, staring upside-down at the ceiling…and then when you stare long enough, the ceiling becomes the floor, and I imagined walking around on it, having to step over those wall sections at the bottom of each doorway (like, what are THOSE doing there?), and feining curiosity as to why the windows are all so high. Try it! The lack of clutter on your new ‘floor’ is refreshing!!!
    Happy 2023!

  284. Well, it’s January 8 today but my son got some Ativan so he’d be able to tolerate an MRI and he’s on a bunch of psych meds and is now seeing little beetles in his dorm rug (because of course he’s in a dorm) and also his desk is breathing. Which might be an actual thing after a semester of food debris on it, but not this early.

    Happy beetle-lated birthday!

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This month’s book club picks are fire. For @fantasticstrangelings we have Lucky Red by @claudia.cravens and for @nightmaresfromnowhere we’re sending you Dead Eleven by @jimmyjulianobooks
Advice from Dorothy Barker: Go outside and find the sunset. Touch the grass. Bark at squirrels. Pee aggressively while staring at the neighbors. Eat a bug. The usual.
Instagram makes suggested reels based on old content and I assume most people have beautiful vacation photos or wedding compilations, but this is what they suggested for me.
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I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:

Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Game Night Kit: All-in-one classic card game kits make the perfect gift, but you’ll want them for yourself, too! Lets skip book club tonight, drink wine & play games instead ~time together is magic!

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Coolest American Stories 2023: If you want a book of unputdownable, unpretentious, full-length short stories, we got ya covered. Our 2022 volume went to a 3rd printing; readers are singing this volume’s praises, too.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Perfectionist Anonymous: Proudly serving unpolished working motherhood, with bipolar depression and hilarity on the side.

Active Voice Productions  made a cool little movie with a role they wanted The Bloggess for but instead got Bonnie Hunt. Seriously. That’s what happened.

Scaredy Cat Travels: Traveling the world with the worst carry-on anxiety.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

The Second: Colleen Burns Durda’s candid memoir about a suburban mom with a side hustle-she’s The Second Coming. Laugh, cry and learn how she copes with her bipolar diagnosis.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

The Family Skeptical Podcast: We’re an atheist couple raising two children – we ask big questions, dissect weird parenting moments, and are jealous that our cats get so much sleep.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: Just read it. Trust me.

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