The other day I was walking Dorothy Barker at night and I saw what I thought was the silhouette of a possum crossing the road but it looked sort of weird and that’s because this possum had 8 legs and I was like, JESUS CHRIST HOW FUCKING BIG DO SPIDERS GET?
So I went inside and googled it and google was, “Omg calm your tits. Spiders weigh…let’s see…
…BETWEEN 3500 to 4000 POUNDS.”
And then I sort of worried that maybe I’d fallen into an alternate dimension with giant spiders so I showed it to Hailey and they were like, “Spiders weigh 4,000 hashtags? That’s not even English” and I was like, “POUNDS, YOU SWEET INFANT. THAT SIGN MEANT ‘POUNDS’ WAY BEFORE HASHTAGS EXISTED.”
But then I clicked on the link that the factoid came from and it clarified that “most spiders are only around 2900 pounds but with options they can weigh as much as 4,000 pounds” and I was like, “I’m buying a flamethrower immediately” but I continued clicking through from under my covers and turns out it’s a type of tractor and google just likes to fuck with me.
It doesn’t really explain the eight legged possum but it is possum season (this is a real thing) so maybe it was a mommy possum with its baby walking behind it? Either way, it’s a little nice to know that we’re not living in a dimension with 4,000 pound spiders and at this point I think we just need to celebrate the little things.