EVERYONE WINS (especially a very needy abandoned cat)

My parents are not really cat people, although they have been adopted by stray cat named Stuffins who they love because she’s sweet but standoffish and is happy to greet customers at the taxidermy shop and keep mice at bay. But not long ago someone dumped a cat in the country (please don’t do this) and it decided it belonged to my parents, which would be fine except that this cat DEMANDS love in the form of darting out in between my mom’s feet when she walks their half of a dog and she has been terrified that she’d going to trip and break a hip and so she doesn’t pet it because that would encourage it and the cat just gets more desperate for love and basically they’re two wonderful people in an accidentally toxic relationship.

My sister and her kids visited from Washington last week and named the cat Fiddler because she sits on my parents roof during sunrise and sunset and Fiddler was thrilled with the company…

But they were so sad when they left because Fiddler was desperate for snuggles and my parents were not going to love on her because it would only encourage her to possibly murder my mother so we decided to try for a miracle and see if anyone would be interested in saving a sweet old abandoned kitty. And a few hours after I posted about her on Facebook and absolute angel named Danelle was like, “She’d fit in with us. I’ll come pick her up tonight” and later got this message from her:

And then my heart grew three sizes and my mom texted “THANK YOU FOR SAVING MY BRITTLE BONES” and it was basically the best early Mother’s Day present ever.

And (unrelated) then this popped up in my twitter:

And I shared the tweet on my instagram because I love how weird life is but then people were like, “I WANT THOSE” and also, “Maybe you should sue?” but then someone was like, “Wait, didn’t you sell these in your zazzle store a million years ago as a joke?” and turns out YES, I DID AND I HAVE A VERY BAD MEMORY.

And they are still available, although I’m not certain it’s worth $70 to have a raccoon paw at your butt crack. Depends on what does it for you, I guess. No judgement.

PS. I should clarify that my mom has “half of a dog” because she dog-sits for my uncle’s dog while he’s at work. She doesn’t take a partially dismembered dog for walks. That would be weird.

51 thoughts on “EVERYONE WINS (especially a very needy abandoned cat)

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  1. Okay, but let’s be honest. If anyone would have a partially dismembered dog as a pet, it would be your parents.

  2. I appreciate the clarification about the half dog, I was becoming concerned.
    For both the dog, AND your mother.

  3. Aww Fiddler! I’m happy for the happy ending. When I was still living with my parents a cat adopted us. He was pretty insistent, even though his previous people tried to get him back he was like: “No, I live here now!”

  4. I’m glad that Fiddler found her forever home! I saw the FB post but I’m both too far away from you and also not allowed more cats in my current living situation.

  5. Aww. What a beautiful kitty. We have 14 currently that have found and adopted us. Then a neighbor ratted me out to the city yesterday and now they all have to stay indoors till I can fix my fence and then cat proof it.

  6. I’m so happy someone adopted your parent’s foundling cat and is going to love her to bits and she will be adored by many on her new family’s Snapchat format. I used to live in the country and people would drop off cats and dogs and it’s an awful thing to abandon an animal who loves you and considers you family in a strange place by the side of the road where they can get hit by a car or attacked by another animal. Please, please, please take your unwanted pet to an animal shelter or a rescue group.
    I would love to stumble upon a pair of trash panda bandits pants in a thrift store! Thrift stores are the world’s best place to find recycled treasures. They are the rescue group/shelter for clothing, furniture, housewares, toys, games, books, and so many more unwanted items, just waiting to find new homes where they can be loved by new families.
    Love, reuse, recycle, repeat.

  7. I figured it was missing like some legs or something… I follow disabled pets on I gram and I have seen half dogs…

  8. I 100% envisioned a half a dog that maybe has some taxidermied (is that the word?) parts and I literally had this pictured in my mind and the thing is I didn’t even blink because this would absolutely be something your family would have. Perhaps y’all are becoming predictable. Not.

  9. I love you all for this. My five foster-fails try to murder me from time to time as well.

  10. So happy for Fiddler and the new family! Love abounds! And thank you so much for clarifying the “half dog” – I kind of figured she must be sharing the responsibility with someone, but with parents involved in taxidermy, you just never know quite how that might shake out, so I was very curious. LOL

  11. Considering your father’s…. proclivities… I think we all had interesting thoughts about the half-a-dog.

  12. Cats are cool. Mine lived to be 22. Cats are discriminating—not in THAT way! Choosey. Opinionated. They dole out affection only when they want to—not when you want to accept it. Watchful. Snooty. Sneaky. Vengeful. And most of all? They give the evil eye. 👁

  13. We live rural, and our area is a popular dumping spot for cats.
    Our yard is one of the only ones with a privacy fence, instead of “open range”, so these poor babies, who thought that they were loved, end up in our yard.
    Some have gone feral, and that’s O.K.
    We feed them, make sure that they are as healthy as we can keep them, and they do us the service of rodent deterrents.
    (Our Rita is quite the mouse/rat/gopher/mole catcher.)
    Some, like the newest addition, thought that he was part of a family.
    He is very affectionate, like Fiddler, and just wants love.
    But, he is, understandably, scared.
    So, we feed him, lead him around to where this old broad can sit down, and give him pets.
    Hopefully, soon, we can gentle him enough to pop him into the cat carrier, take him to our vet, have him checked for a chip (Just in case he is actually lost, but I don’t think so.) get him fixed (OMG, I want to name him Angus, after Angus Young of AC/DC. IYKYK! LOL), and bring him into the house.

  14. I have 3/4 of a dog (she’s a tripawd, amputated left front leg), so I had some interesting images in my head about your mom’s half-dog. So glad Fiddler has found a loving home.

  15. Boo, they only go to XL. But here’s an idea – upload a pattern with that raccoon to spoonflower so we can make garments out of it. And it can also be turned into wallpaper.

  16. I am delighted that fiddler has a happy home. And also – So you are responsible for the pants. How cool is that?

  17. Thank-you to Fiddler’s new furever family. We ended up inheriting my dad’s cat because he was also a leg-weaver and my mom used a walker (“he” being a huge tuxedo tom-cat, not my dead father — that would be weird of my dad’s cremains to try to trip my mom — or my mom’s cremains at this point in time, but their urns — including the cat’s — are next to each other, so I don’t know what kind of shenanigans they’re getting up to these days).

    I’m currently fostering a cute young cat who had an eye removed and whose hobbies are trying to get her cone off and singing the song of her people.

  18. This reminds me of my one girlfriend who has a little wiener dog that is always trying to trip her up. She says “I always knew a wiener would be the death of me!” 🤣

  19. We have a pair of bipawed chihuahuas (no front legs) so you COULD say that we have half dogs.

    Yes, the groomer only charges us half price to trim half the number of claws…

  20. You know those leashes that make believe you are walking a ghost dog? I thought it was something like that with the half dog. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

  21. I am ridiculously pleased about Fiddler because I was getting really anxious about her as I read your post. And I was trying to figure out how to get there from here, and then back, because my life is silly at the moment. AND I have a resident cat who hates other cats with an absurd passion, and my house isn’t big enough for them each to have their own suites; and

    Fortunately, at this point of hyperventilating I read that Fiddler found a family, and thankyoubabyjesus because I was Worried.

  22. There is a punk rock zombie movie (The Return of the Living Dead) in which a half a dog becomes animated, so your mom walking one makes….uh… sense?

  23. That is a good story. Happy for the cat. And yes I was pitchering a dog with taxidermyed hind legs lol. What is the best thing about a undertaker…… he’s the last person to let you down in this world.

  24. So so heartwarmed to see Fiddler warmly ensconced in the loving lap of her new, needed, affection-returning new family 💕 – Great great action on your part, Jenny!
    (and now, knowing the true nature of your Mom’s “half dog”, has let me let loose a big glad {{{sigh}}})

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  26. I assumed “half a dog” meant that it was a small dog which one might not consider to be a “real” dog, but that wouldn’t make sense because Dorothy Barker and also all dogs are real dogs. This makes more sense. Sort of.

  27. Currently trying to catch a cat we watched someone dump last night. I do not understand people but people like you give me hope.

  28. I just figured the “half dog” was a very small dog. So happy that Fiddler has found a home!

  29. I WAS wondering which half of the dog was missing. Thank goodness he’s a part-time dog not half of a dog.

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  33. Yay for finding kitty a home! I figured your mom’s half dog was a tripod. Pet sitting makes much more sense.

  34. Aw yay for finding Fiddler a home!!! I love how weirdly the cogs of fate can wind sometimes…

    It reminds me of the time my husband and I happened upon a furry little stranger in the grass patch across from our apartment..

    My husband looked out one early evening and was puzzled to see a little dusty orange guinea pig munching on the grass belt across from our apartment.

    He mumbled something like how the animal was probably native to the area. I looked out and saw the little guy and said no, those are not native to here… not unless we relocated to South America all of a sudden without me knowing it. 😆

    Our apartment complex was situated atop a hill with a busy road beside it, so we were concerned about the little muppet’s safety.

    We tried to catch the sweet baby with shredded carrots, but to no avail. Management of the complex was called, and she sent an alert to all of our neighbors about the little guy in case this was simply a hairy little Houdini.

    No one claimed them as their pet, and after a few hours later we caught her. A neighbor (father) and his precious young daughter heard about the little fluff ball, and came by our place and decided they wanted to take her in,

    The little girl and her dad were ecstatic they had a new furry little family member. It was as if she was meant to be part of their family.

    All is well that ends well!☺️

    Also, when you said that your parents have a “half dog” Jenny this is what came to mind for me 😆


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  36. the *moment* someone walks into a Wal-Mart – the singularity will appear

    we must not let this happen

  37. Fiddler has a forever home and love and your Mom’s bones have been spared. That is, indeed, the best Mother’s Day gift. Remember those leashes that looked like you were walking an invisible dog? Or am I just nuts and have imagined this?

  38. Taking a dismembered dog for a walk… THAT would be weird. I cracked up at this, because of all the feel-good puppers-with-wheeled-carts videos. There’s nothing weird anymore. Cat on roof? Nah Saving brittle bones from over loving cat? Nope Trash panda pants for $70? Take my damn money

    I love you so much, always

  39. And here I was, picturing a disabled dog who uses one of those doggie carts to walk. Glad to know there’s one fewer disabled dog, at least in my mind!

  40. Just advice for your momma the future: a squirt gun works to keep a cat from being under your feet as you walk! We have one of those… “Pete the Cat” desperately wants to be crushed by one of us! But he moves quick with even a drop of water!

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