I mean, it’s not *not* wrong

in Random Crap

I try to include photographs in my books whenever possible because sometimes people (especially people not from Texas) assume that the ridiculousness I write about can’t possible be true, including the mention in my latest book (Broken) about being attacked by a squirrel working in tag-team with our neighborhood owl which several people – including my husband – said was too ludicrous to be believed:

But then yesterday a news story came out about a Texas granny who was attacked by an airborne snake and then by the hawk who had dropped it on her and her husband couldn’t hear her screaming because she was driving around on a tractor while fighting off a snake and a hawk at the same time and I have never related more. Anyway, she’s fine (but probably traumatized) and I feel bad for her but also a little bit vindicated, and if you own a bookstore you should probably move Broken to the self-help section (with this blog post printed out beside it) because this is exactly the sort of shit people should know about.

Lightly related:

I just noticed that the Chinese translation of Broken (in the best possible way) is now on sale and the cover is both adorable and confusing.

Rory from the Furiously Happy book was very popular in China so I guess he’s making an encore while getting sloshed off his tiny little face. I ran the image through google translate to see what it says…

“CHEERS WHILE BREAKING DOWN.”

Can’t argue with that one.

Also, I was going to buy a copy but it says that they are already temporarily sold out, because maybe they had a big demand for drunken raccoon books? It’s probably for the best though because clumsy birds are all over the world and reader awareness is the first step in protection.

PS. I apologize if I have unlocked a new fear for you. To make it up to you I will send a signed copy of Broken to a random person in the comments because not all surprises are snakes and squirrels thrown by careless birds. Sometimes they’re ridiculous books thrown by authors who just want to keep you safe.

233 thoughts on “I mean, it’s not *not* wrong”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I would love a squirrel to fall on my head. So long as my hard head didn’t hurt it. Just like I would love a skunk to be my friend and a crow to build me an army.

  4. Oh Jenny Rosen that book design is amazing. When I read the story you linked about the woman fighting off the snake AND the hawk I did think of you. ( in a good way)
    Honestly, you make me laugh more often than I can count. Thank you! We need the laughs these days.

  5. tbh, I like snakes and would probably cuddle a noodle that got dropped on me. Unless it was an actual danger noodle, then I would hand it to my husband and check in on the bird while watching my husband run for the hills.

    He’s not a snake fan. At all.

  7. I saw that goddamn snake/hawk story and promptly went home and put the top up on my jeep. Horrifying.

  8. I saw that article and immediately thought of you…not sure if that’s an insult or a compliment, but here we are.

  9. I read about the woman who was attacked by the snake and then the hawk, kinda scared the bejeezus out of me, forgot about your squirrel saga 😳
    Would love a copy of your book for a friend, since I already have it.. natch

  10. Throw one at meeeee! I mean, i spray pen a highly underlined version but many of mine people don’t own it and I want to throw all of them but I has no money so a free one would be great. At least i can throw one at someone. (And if you think I won’t actually throw it…)

  11. Would love a signed copy of Broken! Don’t want to be hit by falling squirrels!

  12. I watched a bald eagle jump up and down over and over on a frozen lake — not today since it’s near 90 — until he cracked the ice. He then retrieved a fish from the hole and flew away with it. I don’t know if he dropped it on anyone.

  13. We have a tree out front that, aside from ruining my last *leased* vehicle with acorn monsoons, but has also tried to concuss *me* (very specifically me) so many times with aforementioned acorn monsoons, that I’m starting to feel certain that it’s intentional and personal. So I find all of the above story entirely relatable.

    Apparently Mother Nature has favorites – and I am not one.

  14. I already have a copy of Broken but if I am picked for a signed one, I’ll share that other one faster than a squirrel falls out of a tree. (In solidarity: I once got narrowly missed by a drunken possum falling out of a tree, TWICE. I think it had gotten into fermented fruit. Anyway, it scared both of us, then tried to climb back up the tree, then fell out a second time. I decided for both our sakes to just go sit somewhere else.)

  15. I feel better now about swimming into the middle of the pond behind my house to rescue my husbands drone. Also thankful a snake didn’t land on me.

  16. Squirrels are bold little things. I’ve been yelled out by squirrels when I wasn’t quick enough to toss treats.
    Little dude, chill – you will get the nuts!

  17. OMG that’s the funniest thing I’ve read all damn day and I love it and you, of course, Jenny. 😀

  19. Once in San Antonio we had a snake coiled up on our porch light. It was right after we moved there and I hate snakes. The only thing I could think of was Texas has flying snakes. I can relate to the poor tractor woman. And I would love a signed copy of Broken! I went to the bookstore last time I was in SA but you were out hunting chupacabra in Puerto Rico.

  20. Literally laughed out loud at “Cheers while breaking down”! Should I carry adult beverages now while driving, in case I break down? Wait! Did I just curse myself or my 2009 automobile? Brurp-brrrr-bluzzz. Rewind! Rewind!

  21. I love Broken so much I have two copies.. one signed that will basically reside forever in my lil library like some sort of highly prized religious goblet, and the other to actually read. Same goes for Furiously Happy, except I also have a tiny Rory who travels with my hubby and I as he’s the only one we trust to hold our wedding rings when we aren’t wearing them. 😁

  22. I can relate to an animal gerfuffle in your proximity. I have a sweet outdoor kitty (belongs to the neighbor, actually) and a mean cat (not ours, but thinks he is) who skirmish in our yard. Sweet kitty knows that if he can run and get up into my arms, I can bring him inside to safety. But when mean cat is in hot pursuit, he jumped in my arms as well, to continue his scuffle with sweet kitty. An armload of cat-fight is not fun!

  23. Your post today both soothed my soul and vindicated my wariness of squirrels.

    With a grateful heart,
    thecrabbygirl

  24. I can be having the worst day/week/month/lifetime (that’s pretty much how it feels for me right now) and seeing one of your posts always gives me that little boost I need to make it through those darker moments. Thank you so much!

    Now I’m imagining Owly McBeal looking at the food you’re leaving them and going, “Wow. No wonder they can’t fly. Look at this junk they’re eating. *flings squirrel at you* HERE! Have some real Fast Food!”

    Also, my boss and I were talking today and I said something about how I think I have moved beyond burning the candle at both ends, I’ve chopped it up into hundreds of pieces and set them all on fire at once. And she pointed out how burning candles like that can suck all the oxygen out of the room leaving you light headed and disoriented. Well there ya go then.

  25. I never entertained the idea that raptors might drop things on heads. This is quite exciting and terrifying. I mean, interacting with raptors is cool af. But being knocked on the head is less so. I am glad you are OK!

  26. I took a picture of a Seagull carrying a McDonald’s bag in its beak. Why settle for a single French fry when you can have the whole happy meal.

  28. One lovely Easter morning I thought I was being very clever planting these little carrot shaped chocolate pops (wrapped in carrot foil) in the garden. Out of nowhere (note the plug) a squirrel absconds with one of the pops and scurries up the tree with a chocolate eating grin on his face. (Note the assumption it’s a he) I’m kinda scowling back and daring him to take another. I couldn’t be bothered with prolonging the stand off so I turned to go back to hiding unhealthy sugar snacks for my offspring when suddenly little bits of foil are falling on my head. My husband is laughing hysterically but in that moment I knew I had a sinister, theiving rodent living rent free on my property and needed to be prepared for battle at all times. He won. He took the stuffing out of the patio chairs and I swore I heard him proclaiming victory over the western territory. Glad he didn’t know about plunking his whole person on my head…I could see him feigning owl and laughing as he ran off with the bird seed.

  29. You are absolutely so freakin’ funny! (I’d post the other word, but don’t want to offend anyone). I borrowed “Broken” from my library when it first was released, but a copy for my bookcase would be awesome. Squirrels, and hawks, and snakes…..oh my!!!

  30. If a hawk ever drops a snake on me, I will definitely die on the spot. But thanks for letting me know what’s possible. 😳😫🤣 Love you girl!

  32. I would love a ridiculous book thrown by author who just wants to keep me safe. Thank you for your concern!

  33. My neighbor’s son found a baby robin, and while he was holding it an owl swooped down and stole it for dinner probably, and he’s rightfully traumatized. Thought you could relate, not an entry in your giveaway.

  34. I once had a snake drop into my lap while I was eating my lunch at a rock climbing area in Colorado. I was surrounded by friends and acquaintances and I thought it was
    strange when someone started screaming. Then I realized it was me screaming because there was a big black snake in my lap. I am sure the story has been shared by many around campfires and such. It is just one of many wildlife encounters I have had. But I have never had a squirrel dropped on my head.

  36. The raccoons around here are getting really bold again, despite the cat’s best efforts at crouching and growling, but the dogs just got home this morning, so perhaps they can deal with them…

  37. Dang it! Even though I own the hardcover, I always listen to the audiobook because I love your delivery! Now I’m going to have to open the book and look for pictures!!!!

  38. Reading your post, just confirms what I’ve always said — I don’t write fiction, because I’m just not that creative. I could never have written a story like this about squirrels falling out of the sky.

  39. For a while we had a squirrel who would drop acorns on people’s heads. It was hilarious, though the first time it happened to me I was *very* confused. That particular squirrel met his end due to a car and the squirrel that is now living in my tree has not yet started flinging anything at people. I kind of hope it starts at some point because the looks on the faces of unsuspecting passersby is too funny for words. I have a copy of your book but I’d love another because this is my third copy – I keep lending it out and then it never comes back, which is the sign of a good book.

  41. I believe you. Once I was in the middle of a large deserted parking lot. No trees or buildings anywhere close. All of a sudden there was a loud thunk as something hit the top of the hood of my car. We got out and discovered an obvious dent that was new. Looking around, we found a small but very heavy piece of metal, like a nut. Then we looked up and saw a large flock of sea gulls. All we could figure is that one of those turds dropped it on us!

  42. We had a baby river otter in CT that showed up in the middle of a town, trying to nurse on people’s shoes, nowhere near water, and when the animal rescue folks came to try to find its mommy, there was no evidence of any river otters anywhere in a reasonable distance. I assume he was snatched up by a hawk or owl or eagle, and dropped out of the sky. He is now being rehabilitated by the local animal rescue rehabilitation shelter and will be released once he can survive on his own.
    Poor sweet baby! I feel for that squirrel, minding his own business, snatched up to be a hawk’s dinner, and just when he wriggled free, he got attacked by a crazed lady trying to get him off of her, at the same time the hawk was trying to snatch him up again. Caught between two perils, I bet he will never get over that trauma.
    And that poor lady, I would wear a hat for the rest of my life. Can you imagine if it had been a snake? I would never want to go outdoors again, and I like snakes, but not freaking out on my head with an attacking hawk.

  43. Being bonked on the head by a dropped snake would definitely impact both my head and my psyche!

  44. When I was a kid, one of my best friends lived in the boondocks, and occasionally snakes would just fall from the trees. So whenever I visited, I’d make a mad dash from the car to the house while trying not to hyperventilate from the terror of falling snakes. That was 30 years ago and I still haven’t recovered from the thought.

  45. I would love a copy.

    And lol, yeah if someone isn’t near nature, it sounds odd. We had a trio of young raccoons lying in wait to attack our garbage recently.

  46. CHEERS WHILE BREAKING DOWN! That pretty much sums up my life in for words.

  47. I’m reading this at work, and I’m pretty sure I just laughed so hard I peed a little. My mom’s fat dachshund Rudy was attacked by an owl (not as nice as Owly McBeal), and thank goodness the dog was too fat for the Owl to pick up, because Rudy would definitely give someone a concussion.

    Thanks for the laughs!

  49. Random airborne attacks from snakes, hawks, and squirrels. Reason #5,972 why I will never move back to Texas.

  51. Sometimes when I open my back door to let the dog out (in Florida), a lizard will fall from the sky, and let me tell you, I FREAK! My cat loves it though. She hangs around the door just waiting for the next lizard to fall! 😹

  52. The first encounter I had with your writing was ‘Furiously Happy’ I picked it up in an airport and was reading it on the plane — couldn’t put it down. Although I was aware that deep belly laughs were emitting from my mouth regularly – I was too engrossed to look up and see what the rest of the airline patrons thought of this, or if they noticed at all. No one actually said anything to me, but I did get a few strange looks while leaving the aircraft.
    The entire book and the ones that followed have explained so much of my world. Thank you

  53. A hawk once dropped a mouse on my windshield while I was driving down the highway, which was a fun surprise at 70 mph.

  55. I would love a copy of your book. Have read all your others except this one.

  56. I believe every word you say Jenny, and wonder why we weren’t neighbors growing up. Besides the fact you were in texas and I in Illinois.

  57. Ha! I would love you to throw Broken at me! It’s the only one I haven’t read yet!

  58. I am very relieved that you (and the squirrel) are OK! Also, that translation is maybe the best, most relatable book title ever!

  59. When I lived in Plano, TX, MANY years ago (Tom Landry was the Cowboys’ coach) we had a monkey living in our neighborhood. I kid you not. Someone had it as a pet and when they moved, they just let the poor thing out into the woods behind our houses. He was very angry, of course, because he was lonely. He used to jump up and down on top of our roof sometimes.

  60. I wish I had an excuse like a squirrel (or snake) falling on my head, but I was like, “Who is Jenny Rosen?” I plead concussion of unknown source.

  61. My oldest loves squirrels (Squirrel has actually become her nickname because of it), and my middle child loves owls, so it’s like the story of my life, with them working together to cause chaos!

  62. I am infamous (to my parents) for refusing to go get my mother out of the shower to give him a hand when he encountered a baby pigmy rattler in the kitchen whilst barefoot. Instead, I got on top of the dining room table and wouldn’t come down. In my defense, I was eight and my father didn’t get snakebite. Still, there are some things your parents never let you live down.

  63. Not exactly a squirrel but we once found a giant crab in my daughter’s room, and the hypothesis remains that it was dropped into our garden by an ill-equipped hawk trying to wrangle it to some too-distant eyrie. We lived at the top of a mountain, many miles from any sea. The crab was (as mentioned) giant and, at the very least, surprising. More like terrifying. But it became much more of both when it mysteriously DISAPPEARED and we never saw it again. It was too big to hide! Where did it go??

  64. In Alaska salmon will infrequently crash through windows or bean folks on the noggin for similar reasons. Raptors are apparently far clumsier than we like to believe.

  65. Yup, definitely a new fear. Add it to the list along with giant metal birds appearing on my door step. Thanks for that.

  67. I’m not a praying person. But on an airboat tour through a canal in the Florida Keys, the guide pointed up to a large bird passing overhead. The bird had a long snake in its mouth. And then I DID pray (‘oh, please, oh please no’) and I guess it worked because the bird kept a hold of that snake, and I didn’t have to jump off the boat into the water where, as the guide so helpfully pointed out, there were many alligators, who, he added, we opportunistic feeders.

  68. No one believes me when I tell them our backyard squirrels and raccoons have teamed up but we live in the woods so the woods are our backyard and I am only a little but terrified that their alliance will grow to an uprising and the coyotes will get involved. Then there will be trouble.

  69. Cheers (apparently via Rory) to everyone, especially for this awesomely adapted and intriguing update to Broken! I worry what the eagles have been plotting up here in Alaska, I saw 10(!)(not a typo, 10!!) soaring above our ONE mall in Fairbanks this last weekend, then I saw a lone eagle hovering over the same mall on the way home today, so there must be some awesome plans being hatched. Perhaps dropping salmon on us as we rush from our cars to Hot Topic???? Cheers!!

  70. Oh, bless that poor lady’s heart. And also yours. I remember reading that section and laughing until I wet myself– which, after gestating 3 10-lb babies, isn’t that high of a bar, but still. Anyway. Many many hugs.

  71. Lol – you probably broke his fall and saved his life, so you were actually the hero in the story!!!

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  73. This is hilarious! I don’t know who was more stunned, you or the squirrel. Too bad he ran away. It would have been a great bonding moment!

  74. Not all surprises are snakes and squirrels… LOL a book on the head might hurt worse though.

  75. With every sentence I wasn’t sure where this was going but I knew it would be hilarious and I WAS NOT DISAPPOINTED. Thank you, Jenny, for your remarkable wit and wonderful stories.

  76. I would love to have a signed copy for my friend, Judy! She truly needs to read your books, but I can’t lend her my Kindle copies (though I have tried). Please pick me so that I can share your hilarious tales with my friend, who I *KNOW* would appreciate them. Also, I’m pretty sure I know now why guys back in the day wore coon skin hats. They were just deterrents so that hawks and owls knew to avoid aiming for their heads on rodent/snake-bomb-the-humans day.

  77. I got in a fight today with a pruning saw. The saw won. A signed copy of Broken would definitely make that embarrassment go away. Lots of love to you, Jenny Rosen!

  79. This makes me think of growing up in rural Michigan, where running over yellow jacket nests with farm equipment was an occupational hazard. Seemed to happen to my Dad at least once a year!

  80. We have a huge groundhog living under our shed. He/she is named Plumpy. We’ll, today my teenage daughter asks ‘What if Plumpy attacks one of the cats’? Add that to the list of worries. Luckily Plumpy is a scardie-cat so so think we’re fine

  81. Squirrel dropping on my head, sounds like something that would happen to me… I’ve a long history with squirrels…

  84. The image in my head of the granny fighting off a snake and a hawk while on a tractor is hilarious! I 100% believe these things really happen because only in Texas. LOL

  86. POV: the bird that fell out of the literal sky, smacked into my windshield, got wedged between the wipers, and was then unwillingly captive for the horrifying anti-kidnapping safety briefing I was giving my kid ahead of his end-of-the-year choir trip:

    “Remember, if you can bite through a baby carrot, you can bite through a human finger!”

  87. We used to live out in the country west of Austin. We had a chihuahua at the time, and my husband was with him behind the house. He had to scare off a large hawk that swooped down to pick him up. Creepy!

  88. I’ve never had an animal or reptile dropped on me, but I have been witness to a friend being pooped on by a bird! And, good friend that I am, I laughed my head off!

    That poor woman on the tractor! But what about the snake? The poor snake was also probably minding it’s own business, when firstly it gets swooped up by a hawk (holy crap, I’m flying!), then it falls to the ground and lands on a noisy human riding on a noisy tractor. Then the hawk comes back for it, so then the poor snake also has that to deal with!

  89. You are a-maz-ing. I am often in awe of your mastery of words,. storytelling, and putting the most poignant emotions into words.
    We are lucky to have you looking out for us, too ❤️

  90. I read the hawk/snake article this morning and all I could think was that it was some sort of Greek or Roman bad omen.

  92. It released a fear I., as a country girl, locked away long long ago, having a terrible phobia of the ‘stick’ variety. Haws and owls and eagles are all capable. As a side note , which sadly, may unlock a fear for you- they also like small dogs. I know of several who have been taken by big birds. We always kept/keep the little Paps on leashes and close to us. The bigger one (18 lb Abby) can keep up with the big dogs so she can run unfettered. Ty for the cover update- hilarious! 😀

  93. Am I the only one who sees a banana (with arms and eyes) on top of the beer?

  94. we used to have a squirrel throw black walnuts on your head, and he had an ammo stash in the maple tree.

  95. I already have a signed on, so I’m not entering the giveaway. I’m here to help you look on the bright side. At least the bird of prey didn’t drop a TURTLE on your head.

  97. I once had a spider land on my head while I was leading a Girl Scout merry and I have to be honest- I was not very leaderlike in the moment

  98. As someone who lives in Florida, I’m relieved to know that we are not the only state with this level of ridiculousness, even if the ridiculous is often more alligator-y than squirrel-y.

  99. I heard about the snake dropping out of the air while listening to the radio and eating my breakfast. I was slightly traumatized!

  101. That would be a great rewrite for the wizard of oz. Instead of a house dropping on the Wicked Witch of the East. Dorothy can just throw a venomous snake at her mid house falling from the sky. That is a serious new fear unleashed. Sky snakes.

  102. I’m in Texas and the only time I’ve seen a squirrel is at the Dallas Arboretum. The hawks near me must have better coordination.

  103. I read an article about it and immediately thought that it was something that would happen to you 😆

  104. Shit! Now I’m gonna add that phobia to an already long list.. Rattlers in toilets for my 3am wee, Rattlers in my car while driving, (nope that was just the ac blowing your dress against your leg or was it…

  105. Look on the bright side …. at least you don’t live in Australia. Our raptors are big enough to carry off animals a lot bigger than a squirrel, and if you got beaned by one of them …. well I guess you wouldn’t develop a phobia, so that’s another plus??

    I sure don’t fancy being hit by a King Brown, or a possum though. That would really ruin your plans for the week!

  106. How does one thirst comment for a book? Welp, best I can offer is to take pics of my naked snake “hugging” your signed book. Sexy? Probably not. Turn your phobia into a ridiculous photoshoot? You bet your ass. Also – snakes in hats. It’s a thing.

  107. Nothing makes my day like seeing a post from you. I always know it’s going to be good. ❤️

  108. Your squirrel bomb makes me think of Oliver. My friend found a baby roof rat in the middle of his very large deck back in early June (I named him Oliver). We couldn’t figure out where it came from. I offered that perhaps a bird dropped it, but the rat had no damage on him, so that must’ve been one lucky rat. Poor little thing didn’t even have his eyes open, and was shakin’ like a dog passin’ a peach pit. He crawled to the edge of the deck and my friend was worried he would fall, so he put chair cushions underneath. Sure enough, the rat fell 12 feet to the ground, but landed on the cushions, so he wasn’t hurt. When no mama rat came back looking for him by the end of the day, I took him home and did some fast research, hand-fed him until he could eat on his own, raised him until he was six weeks old, then we released him back into the canyon behind the house (from whence we assume he came) in a “soft-release” box full of food and such, with a wildlife camera on the box. He’s been out there about a month now, and doing really well despite the box being molested by raccoons, coyotes, skunks, and one mermaid squirrel (its fur pattern looked like scales, I swear!). It appears Oliver joined a gang of wild rats within a couple days – one of which has a super long tail just like him, so we think maybe they’re cousins – and he’s been thriving. (Much to the local human population’s chagrin, I’m sure, if they knew.) I’ve been refilling the food in the box when I collect the videos off the camera. My friend thinks I should just let this go now, but I’m like, “No! He needs food to bargain with the other wild rats so they don’t kill him! Once you’re not valuable, you’re expendable!” It’s interesting to see what comes by the camera every night. Especially the other rats. We even saw a rat fight at the box (Oliver was not involved – he was raised better). LOL I’m just glad he’s living his best rat life. 🙂 I’m sure your squirrel bomb is very grateful for you breaking his/her fall so s/he could also go on living! Well done!

  109. I love your books and truly appreciate the pictures so I can see exactly what in the crazy hell you are talking about! I can picture it in my mind, but an actual photo is always the best! Thanks for sharing all of your craziness with your readers! We love you!

  110. THIS is what cracked me up about this report in the New York Times:
    Wendell Jones, her husband, eventually noticed that his wife was screaming, running in a zigzag pattern and flailing her arms. He promptly helped her into their truck and drove to the hospital. On the way there, he recalled, Ms. Jones was tongue-tied.

    “By the time I got to her, she was pretty hysterical,” Mr. Jones, 66, said in an interview. “It took me probably three minutes to actually understand what had happened.”

    EVENTUALLY noticed? What took him so long?

    I would love to win a signed copy of Broken!

  111. I recently bought nightlights for my toilets because of the snake fear! or frog, or any other critter. {{shudder}}

  112. Related? Probably? You should google “Owl Theory.” I used to think it was the most ridiculous thing ever. Then I read a post in my local mom group about a jogger who was attacked by an owl on her run. Then dozens of people started sharing similar stories. I live in Durham, NC, and suddenly the owl theory doesn’t seem as ludicrous to me as it used to. Mother Nature is no joke.

  113. That reminds me of the time I was driving through an unfamiliar neighborhood to pet sit. There was a flock of geese in the road which I assumed would get out of the way. The next thought was, ‘huh, I would have expected them to fly away from the car, not towards it. Oh, well, I’m sure they’ll be high enough to get over my car.’ This was followed by screaming as the goose bounced off the roof of my car so hard it knocked the rear view mirror down. F-ing geese. Little assholes. They’d probably drop the squirrel on you on purpose.
    Thank you for making my life feel slightly more normal, Jenny.

  114. Speaking of befriending neighbourhood birds… (you did mention Owly McBeal) A friend of mine posted recently saying that she would kinda like to befriend the crow who sometimes hangs out in the tree next to her apartment. I don’t think that she was expecting the dissertation I typed up from memory in response. I spent quite a while researching that very subject at the beginning of Covid because it seemed like an interesting thing to do while nobody was going out. I would much rather be friends with corvids than humans.

  117. Under trees isn’t safe either. A snake fell out of a live oak onto a group of riders at a horsemanship centre that I was at with my horse. It fell right onto one of the riders while on her horse. It was quite exciting. No riding under trees after that.

  118. Huh. I watched the Texas granny story on the news tonight and thought: hmm. Doesn’t Jenny Lawson live in Texas? Could that be her granny?! 😳❤️

  119. How do I opt out of the squirrel head drop? I’m going to need to know quickly. Before I have to go outside again. Because if a squirrel ever lands on my head (or a snake if we’re being real here), I guarantee I will NEVER leave the house again. Ever.

  121. It didn’t hit me, but half a corncob once fell out of the sky next to me. I live in Iowa, but it just came straight down from nowhere

  122. Well the phrase “truth is stranger than fiction” must have originated from similar hawk-dropped snake and attack squirrel type situations!

  123. It’s probably wrong to be mad I wasn’t there to see these events – I blame the incredible descriptions – glad you and Peggy are ok (ish).

  124. I wouldn’t complain it sue if you tossed a book at me. A snake would be different.

  125. I would cherish a copy of your new book. Having it signed would make me do my happy dance!

  126. One day while mowing, I heard a Blue Jay yelling at me. They’re my least favorite bird so I carefully backed away. Then it swooped in to pick up the snake I had disturbed & took it up in a tree to eat. Glad it didn’t drop the snake on me or I surely would have peed myself!

  127. I went outside for a conference call during COVID and texted my boss right as the meeting was starting: I will be on in a minute. I have to see if a squirrel pooped on me.

    And that isn’t even the weirdest thing to happen in my backyard.

  128. My car has a large target on it that only birds can see so they know which car among the many in the parking lot at work to drop all their poops on. Especially if I’ve had a really bad day.

  130. I’m seriously considering, again, creating a crow army for personal protection.

  131. That squirrel is lucky you provided a nice landing spot. Much better than landing on a tree branch, I would imagine. I think, from now on, you need a shade umbrella over your head at all times. And I’m glad it was a squirrel and not a snake. Love you 😍

  132. I appreciate your words of warning. We have a surprising number of suburban-dwelling hawks in my part of Wisconsin, so I will have to be extra-vigilant.

  133. I saw a hawk scoop up a live squirrel straight ip out of my yard, so can confirm that one might come sailing back to earth this way. Otherwise my squirrels are just jerks who throw acorns down at me when I have the energy to go out and garden. Wishing you positive energy, and thanks for the laugh!

  135. I’ve never posted, but this title hits hard. I’ve never felt so broken.

  136. My husband says maybe you should change the Cover and title of Furiously Happy over here. I’m giggling and smacking my tummy. I’d buy it.

    Ironically I’ve seen a hawk fly off with a snake and we cheered it. I think I’ve already told the story of my rescuing the squirrel who was probably dropped.

  137. Wow, and here I thought it was embarrassing to have a Manhattan pigeon poop on my head while I was trying to steer my kids away from a ranting gentleman whose odor was as loud as his voice. Could be worse. Coulda been a snake.

  138. Just know that as a 911 communications officer, this story is in no way outlandish. I love you!!!

  139. First, I literally laughed out loud multiple times while reading this. Thanks you for being you, Jenny! Also, I literally (yes, another literally),heard about the Texas granny snake and hawk attack on Twitter like 20 minutes ago. Stars and things are aligned!

  140. I, too, saw the story about the woman on the tractor being attacked by both ends of the food chain, and thought “Now why does that sound familiar?” Because it SHOULDN’T, right? We’re not there yet.

  141. According to legend, the Greek playwright Aeschylus met a tragic death: one day, an eagle that had just caught a tortoise mistook Aeschylus’s bald head for a shiny rock, and accidentally killed the author by dropping the animal onto him.

  142. She seemed so confused as to where the snake came from and it DAMAGED HER GLASSES from striking at her repeatedly! I swear, crazy things like that happening to normal people is so wasted on them. Because when it happens to you or me, we SEE it for the impossible/insane/improbable thing it is. And are highly amused by it, often when no one else gets it AT ALL. It’s a blessing and a curse, as my therapist used to say. 🤣

    Like the time I tripped in the 6 feet between my front door and my car, smashed my head on my car and left a big dent in it. I would tell people how hilarious it was to drive around in a car with a sizable dent FROM MY OWN HEAD. They looked at me like I’d obviously knocked a few screws loose.

  143. Please send your book to the granny. She needs it. She was so bloody they blurred her injuries out on tv. Poor woman! She needs to know she’s not alone!

  144. In Aotearoa regrettably we have neither squirrels nor snakes our largest birds do try to take out hares and (drum roll) sheep…not known to fly with them…but if they did it would give new meaning to the phrase to ‘pull the wool’ over meaning…to confuse!

  145. I haven’t had any squirrels or snakes dropped on me, but earlier today I got cussed out by an invisible bird.
    I went out to put the garbage bin away and some bird started screaming at me from the front yard tree. I couldn’t see any birds there. How does being cussed out by an invisible bird rank?
    Also, when I was a teenager I got chased by a cockroach. So humiliating.

    Lisa

  146. … but is your choice really from a randomized group? how does that work? In this case, I might like to be “some random person.”

  147. A few years back there was a news story about people in Fairbanks Alaska getting hit by airborne freshwater lampreys and while I hadn’t thought I could come up with any additional reasons not to live there, that one ended up on my list. Scientists theorized that gulls were catching them and dropping them but honestly if I caught a lamprey (have you ever seen one of those creepy things?) I’d drop it too.

  148. I once had a dead mouse get dropped inches from my face. Now when I go running and see a hawk, I’m constantly checking to see if they have anything in their talons.

  149. I was just hearing a story about how eagles will think bald headed men are rocks and will drop turtles on them in hopes of cracking the shell.

  150. Well now I want to learn Chinese specifically to read the Chinese translation of this book. Did they add in a bit about a drunken raccoon just to tie in the cover? If so, I really want to read THAT bonus extra content!

  151. I’ve never been hit WITH a squirrel but I’ve been hit BY a squirrel. I used to feed the squirrels in the tree outside my kitchen window and one morning on my way to the store (to actually buy more nuts for my furry tailed friends), Squirrel Nutkin bopped me on the head with empty nutshells as I walked past the tree. Breakfast was late that morning so he lodged a complaint! They are pushy little guys.

  152. Oh if only I could be a drunken racoon…maybe I could live a quiet, drunken life in a tree hole and never have to be awake at 3:32 A.M. with anxiety about going to work?

  155. You can drop your book on my head from above! I mean, maybe paperback instead of hard cover would be best, but you choose…

  157. OMD OMD OMD. I lived in Dallas for 20-some-odd years and then Austin for 3 before moving to Florida in 2020. NEVER saw a single legless creepy crawl. They terrify me, I don’t care HOW many rodents they eat. NO NO NO. Then I moved to Florida and instead of having gators knocking at my door as some might have you believe is a daily occurance, nope, I had SNAKES. All over my back yard. GAAAHHHH!!!! Had I known they might drop from the sky at any moment, I might have just moved to Antarctica to avoid any chance of crossing paths with them. GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!! Run away! RUN. A. WAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!

  158. Love the translation, Jenny Posen. I can only share my son and I, while driving, had a half a rabbit dropped on us by a hawk. Not sure who got the other half….

  160. Throwing books, especially signed ones, is the best thing to throw. Except for squirrels, of course.

  161. I was doing the 39.3 Breast Cancer walk in DC and saw a fish flying in the air. OVER trees. I was fortunate enough to have shared that sight with another woman, because for some insane reason the majority of the women walking near me didn’t believe me. The woman and I talked about it at length and finally deduced that a bird must have dropped it after catching it from the Potomac River. TBH, I kept my eye out for flying fish for the remainder of the walk. 😜

  163. New fear unlocked. If a snake fell on my head I would literally drop dead on the spot.

  164. My most disturbing experience with birds involves crows. As I was walking in my neighbourhood I could hear a a large group, possibly a mayhem of them, at a corner about a block away. As I walked out of the cover of trees and into the open at said corner the cacophony suddenly stopped. Not died down, but from level 11 volume to mute in an instant. Nothing flew away. Nothing moved. Just. Silence.
    I don’t know what to do with this. Were they talking about me and feel like they got busted? Or did I walk into a planning session for a major coup and now I’ve been green lit for assassination?
    Also, in the article about the snake-hawk granny, her husband said “I have to try and keep her slowed down because she’s blow and go.” I don’t know if that final phrase is a common colloquialism, but I’ve never heard it before and it kind of sounds dirty…

  166. “Laughter can give the box a level.”

    I’m going to be pondering the meaning of this all day. What box? What level? Do I want to level a box? What if it isn’t level after I laugh and then it falls on me? What is in the box? Is this Schroedinger’s cat in the box?

    I have so many questions….

  167. “Cheers while breaking down” is now my new mantra while I get through this particular chapter of my life!

  168. Terrifying! The worst that’s fallen on me is seagull droppings, although when you live in a resort town it’s considered “good luck” as long as you don’t get mad about it. A copy of Broken would certainly help the terror, so I can “laugh out loud any time”!

  171. Love it. Also…I have seen hawks drop things a lot. Might be time to get a parasol.

  173. I would love a signed copy! I also love your posts, they make me lose my mind on a regular basis!

  174. A couple of weeks ago, I came home to a dead fish on my driveway. I’m assuming a bird got it from the river across the street and dropped it, and I’m very glad I wasn’t outside to be bonked on the head with it when it was dropped!!
    I had to fend off gulls that were trying to pick at it when I went out to scoop it up and throw it over the riverbank.

  175. As someone with RA who randomly drops non-writhing, inanimate objects due to zero grip strength, I empathize with the hawk.

  176. You are so lovely. I am so glad we all have you here in our circle. Anytime I read something from you, I feel as if I’ve learned something, been entertained and am laughing so hard. All of which mean I should live forever as I think those things surely extend lives.

  179. Every time I think your book covers can’t get better…a different version comes out, and they do.

  180. My initial check is for $27,000. This is the first time I’ve actually earned something, and I’m very happy about it. I’m going to work even harder from now on and I can’t wait for my paycheck cv the following week. For further information, click the home tab. . .
    Utilizing Here——————————— http://earningtime99.blogspot.com

  183. My husband told me a story about a woman riding a motorcycle who had a crow fly over her and drop a dead skunk on her head! Talk about a bad day. Afaik she didn’t crash though.

  185. I’ve lived in extremely rural Michigan, Florida, and now in the Dallas area so nothing regarding critters surprises me at this point. One of our cats was having a blast hunting a tiny gecko he found in our house the other day until I figured it out and took it outside. (Just another day in Texas!) That news story still made me laugh out loud, though. Talk about the worst possible luck.

    On an unrelated note, we stopped by Nowhere on our way to Brownsville for a swim meet and it was an absolute delight. My 10 year old daughter (who is currently reading the Tiffany Aching books) got a pic with Sir Terry and bought the new B. B. Alston book. I think she would move into the store if we lived closer!

  186. Years ago my son and I were getting ready to bike to school (he was in 2nd grade). I got the tandem bike out of the garage and was waiting for the boy when, PLOP! A Canadian Goose FELL OUT OF THE SKY! He landed close to me,on my driveway, thankfully, not my head!. He laid there for awhile, then struggled to his feet and waddled to the yard. I couldn’t see any injuries. It took him several hours to gather his wits, and then he flew off. Weird start to a day.

  187. I am laughing out loud while reading this at my desk, which is not very professional and also really hard to explain, but Damn! Also, cheers Rory!

  189. A naturalist here in Oregon’s high desert told of finding 2 skeletons entangled with each other, a red tail hawk and a weasel. Apparently, the weasel grabbed the hawk by the throat and wouldn’t let go so they crash landed in a heap. Probably a young hawk, not yet up to speed on which critters are worth grabbing. Glad those two didn’t land on your head, Jenny.

  190. I’ve been freaked out by birds for years (Thanks, Alfred Hitchcock!) and your post proves I was right. I love the Chinese cover, btw.

  191. Broken is the only book of yours I don’t have…would be very handy to keep squirrels off my head since my parasol is broken…Thanks for the laughs!!

  192. Random books in the mail are much better than random animals falling from the sky!

  194. In the prairies of Canada, it’s not squirrels its gophers falling from the sky. They have a bit more weight behind them. Stay safe and carry an umbrella.

  195. Good lord. The squirrel story didn’t bother me but the falling snake is going to give me nightmares!

  196. CHEERS WHILE BREAKING DOWN. If that ain’t the best description of the last 5ish years… 🙂

  197. I read that story about the woman, snake and hawk and thought of you. Also thought, OMG!!! I’m so scared of snakes so now I’m keeping an eye on the sky and am thinking of using an umbrella all – ALL – the time. I’m in Florida where there are plenty of snakes, squirrels, hawks, owls and other assorted critters.

  198. Our squirrels take bites out of the apples off our trees and then throw the remaining core at us. Only been beaned once so far!

  199. It feels odd that foreign publishers have such free reign to re-design one’s cover, but at least Rory’s looking good here.

  200. Once, a woman in my book club got a partially eaten squirrel body dropped onto her windshield while in the school pick up line. The pictures were gory.

  202. I found a frozen squirrel while shoveling snow when I was a kid. That was unsettling.

    My husband found a snake in our yard, and he was going to leave it alone, until it decided to climb up a tree. He was not interested in having a snake fall out of a tree onto his head, so he had to take that one out.

  203. To add to the ‘no shit, this really happened’ stories, there was an incident in a community north of where I live. Apartment building that may or may not have allowed pets. One pet escaped its owner whom for obvious reasons didn’t mention the loss to the neighbors. Pet discovered when it poked its head up between the thighs of a woman tenant while doing her business on the toilet & yes, it was a (harmless, yet large) snake. Let’s just say her reaction was one of anxiety:) That’s one lady who doubtless has never sat down without checking under the rim ever since…..

  204. i read your words slightly wrong and thought that he couldn’t hear her screaming because he was *also* fighting off a snake and a hawk and i would have never imagined i would be disappointed that a story only had *one* person being attacked by a snake being attacked by a hawk. but, alas.

  205. I definitely think that women needs to write her own book as well. I’m sure she has also had other *happenings* she can share. Lol

  206. My husband has recently started feeding our local squirrels. They’re constantly all over our yard. I’m sure our neighbors love the fact that we have now set up a squirrel buffet!

  207. Is it bad I immediately thought of you yesterday when I read the granny/snake/hawk/tractor article? 🙂

  208. We sold a house on a hawk flyway after my wife (afraid of snakes) heard then saw two hawks overhead squabble over a snake dinner. Up to that moment, she had never considered “snake falling out of the sky” as a risk. Our next home was a downtown condo. No snakes, only two hawks on a skyscraper.

  209. Currently dealing with an infestation of shrews in the back storage room. None have fallen on my head – yet.

  210. Just snorting re: your owl’s name. I think you need to help name my rabbit

    (Hedda Hopper? ~ Jenny)

  211. I’m in Austin, but I feel I’m safe from all falling squirrels/snakes currently because it’s too hot to ever leave my house again.

  212. I would love to have an autographed copy of Broken. I have read all your books and recommend them to anyone who will listen to me. Your writings have gotten me through many rough times.

  213. I’ve not had a hawk drop a critter on me, but a seagull dropped a dead fish in front of my car while I was stopped at a traffic light. Maybe the birds see us as gods and are giving us offerings.

  214. Interesting … you assume there are more clumsy birds, I assumed the prey has started militarizing to teach each other attack and escape methods.

  215. Have you ever considered wearing a hard hat when outside, just to avoid the occasional squirrel drop?

  216. I love this (I mean “cheers while breaking down”? Amazing!) but also, on the off chance that this person sees this: We are pen pals through Jenny and my husband accidentally threw away the post card you sent so I don’t have your address anymore! If you see this, you were from Canada, I think Ottawa? and if you could tell me your addy, I’d be forever grateful.

  217. I saw the story about the grandma in Texas. It doesn’t shock me. We have hawks here in Arizona and had them in SoCal. They drop all sorts of things from the air! I’ve watched it happen!

    One second you’re just sitting there, and the next, some small critterfalls from the sky in front of you!

    And there weren’t even any clouds!

    Everyone needs this information. It should have been taught on school. I’m GenX, and we were taught that quicksand was going to be a much bigger danger than it actually is, but not one thing about hawks dropping their snacks on us from the sky! Which is, obviously, a real danger, while quicksand most definitely is not!

    I’m kind of digging the Chinese version cover for *Broken.* But why is the beer sloshing out of Rory’s glass? 🤣

  218. This reminded me of my sister and I screaming and running when a squirrel hit the ground in front of us. It fell from a tree. No owls involved.

  219. They should change the name of the kids game from Snakes and Ladders to Snakes and Squirrels in your honor.

  221. For a brief moment I hoped that the snake fell from the sky due to some kind of “Snakes on a Plane” situation, and I wondered what Samuel L. Jackson would say…

    I, too, have had it with these mother fucking snakes on this mother fucking plane…and so has that poor woman.

  222. I had snakes dropping near me but not on me. I won’t know how to react or write it down in a comically accurate way. So I think I need a copy of broken to practice on.

  224. I was hit in the head with a snake once. It was not a danger noodle, except for the fact that it beaned me. I walked out of our side door, and WHAM. There were no birds involved that I could tell. I think the snake had been on top of the door frame, and when I opened the door, I knocked it off.
    The interesting thing is that this had never happened before, even though I had opened that door a million times, but after this, I never opened that door again without looking up and anticipating getting hit in the head with another snake, because brains are weird.

  226. We have a “squirrel proof” bird feeder.
    Amazingly – it is.

    As long as it’s FULL of birdseed.

    If the seed is running low – as I learned – TWICE – one day.

    Mr. Pat (very elderly family member) got my attention and pointed out the window with his cane – there he was, ths gray little being, stuffing his cheeks with bird seed.

    I swear, you could see the slow realization wash over his face.
    “I’ve hit the motherlode! But how the fuck will out I get out of here?”

    Bravely, I armed myself with a broom and use the stick to lift the lid – and the relieved critter jumped on a branch and sped away.

    Later that afternoon – Mr. Pat pointed out the window AGAIN.

    I REALLY hope it wasn’t the same damn squirrel, but I grabbed the broom again – this time the squirrel jumped on ME instead of the branch.

    I’m not sure which one of us was more afraid, but I’m pretty sure both of us screamed.

    I took the feeder down until we could get more birdseed.

    And Mr. Pat laughed his ass off for DAYS and told EVERYONE the story.

    (Later, we had to remove the feeder altogether – our young tom cat was using it as an all-you-can-eat buffet!)

  227. Pingback: Weekend link dump for August 13 – Off the Kuff

  229. We’ve had falling squirrels in our yard multiple times. The dogs get very excited when the squirrel rain happens. We’ve also had one get it’s foot stuck in our window AC, and boy did that little guy holler! Bottoms up, Rory and Jenny Rosen!

  230. Just wondering why the translation got your name wrong. Also did you know that the Chinese don’t use pronouns?

  231. i once had a 3 foot chameleon fall on my head-i dont know who was more stunned, him or me. he just laid there on the cement so i picked him up and held him until he seemed better, then i put him in a grassy place with trees. nowadays we have lorikeets who eat the berries off of our trees in the back. but they only eat half of the berry, and then throw the other half into our above ground pool. this is done on purpose, they look down to make sure it is landing in the pool. they only seem to do this when i am swimming there..i have yelled at them for wasting perfectly good food, and they hear me , but pay no nevermind.. thankyou jenny rosen for making me laugh and giving me hope…

  232. I would feel chosen by the animal gods if a squirrel dropped on my head.

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