So yesterday we dropped Hailey off at college and I’m really lucky that Texas State is only an hour or two away but it was still hard as hell because it feels like the end of an era. It was hot as fuck outside and I was trying not to show how panicked I was, but the college assigned these individually named rolling carts to each student to help get everything upstairs and when I looked at the name of ours it seemed like a sign that we were going to be okay:
We got everything unloaded and helped Hailey unpack their dorm room. They collect stuffed animals like I collect books but I told them that they should really limit themselves and only bring a couple with them because you don’t really need stuffed animals. And surprisingly they agreed. And when we finished decorating the room they pulled out an unnaturally dense, vaccum-packed, duct-taped sack from which exploded a 6 foot giant fluffy goose.
Hailey: “This is my son. His name is Steve.”
“Honk honk, motherfucker.”
PS. I did not cry (much) in front of Hailey because I want this to be a fantastic adventure for them but on the way home that “Who’s gonna drive you home?” song came on and I fucking lost it And then right after that was the Eels song that starts with “It’s a motherfucker being here without you” and I was like, “THE RADIO IS TRYING TO KILL ME” but turns out it was a playlist Victor made of terrible songs because he thought I’d need to cry or maybe he just wanted to see me throw myself from a moving car. And he was like, “We haven’t even gotten to PJ Harvey’s ‘Come back here and bring me my daughter‘ song yet” and then he forwarded through a dozen terrible songs on the worst playlist that has ever existed as I stared at him in utter amazement. And then I started laughing at the ridiculousness and couldn’t stop until I got hiccups.
So I guess we’re gonna be alright.
But still…ow. Take care of my baby, Steve.
PS. Shout out to all my ladies who also scream-sang this song (that Victor -of course- included) in our young adult years and who now find ourselves on the other side. We made it through. So will they. You remind me and I’ll remind you.