This weekend I did a book festival in Pennsylvania and when I got off the plane I was like, “OH MY GOD, LOOK AT THE TREES. THEY’RE CHANGING COLOR” and the uber driver was like, “…Uh… they don’t have trees where you come from?” and that is a fair question but the thing is that these trees were like red on one side and yellow in the middle and green on the other side, like autumnal rainbow snowcones and maybe you’re reading this and going, “Again…yeah. That’s how trees work” but that is not how trees work in San Antonio, where they are either green or brown or dead. I don’t know why I just assumed that when trees change colors that they would be green one day and red the next but it was sort of amazing and mortifying to see that they actually TURN colors. It makes me wonder what amazing thing I take for granted in seeing that other people would be awed at and I’m not sure what that would be but it did remind me of the importance of embracing moments. Which leads to this:
When my last book (Broken) came out it was in the middle of covid so I didn’t do a book tour. I did one incredibly limited signing at Nowhere and that was it for in-person events. But this weekend at the Harrisburg Book Festival I did my first full signing in so many years and it was amazing and made me realize how sad I was that I never had a real book tour for Broken.
But then I remembered that I own a bookstore and that rules about when you do things are dumb so I’ve decided to do a Second-Chance Book Tour where I basically just hang out at Nowhere Bookshop one day and if you missed having any of my books signed you can just stop in and I’ll sign it for you. I should have all my books available but if you bought one before just bring it in and I’ll sign it or double sign it. Also, I encourage you to do whatever it was you missed during covid. Did you miss prom? Come dressed in your prom dress. Did your community opera get cancelled? Stand in the middle of the bookshop and serenade us for a minute. Did you not get to propose in public? Come do it again in the romance section. Did you never get the chance to wear some fancy-ass hat or weird robe or want me to officially give you a medal for completing your reading goal? Let’s do it. But bring your own medal. Unless I can find some by November 26th (Sunday). That’s when we’re doing it in case you’re in San Antonio for Thanksgiving weekend. And if you can’t make it you can always get a signed copy of anything right here and I’ll mail it to you. More details to come but feel free to let me know if you have suggestions for this weird-ass, one-year late, one day, second-chance book tour that will consist of raccoon stamps, some sort of special drinks I haven’t decided on yet, probably empanadas, me breaking into improptu readings every so often even if only 5 people are there while wearing some ridiculous thing I never wore in public because I thought it was too embarrassing. Put it on your calendar. It’s free.
In slightly related news, yesterday I went to the store to personalize books and, as always, I fucked up at least one in every 10, including this one which was supposed to be a gift in lieu of a birthday card:
In my defense, I’m an idiot and this is proof that I can never stop overthinking.
PS. Also slightly related, a lovely friend named Gina emailed me recently to tell me a story. She was with her friend Bryan who’d been my very first book signing many years before when he was fighting leukemia and I’d written “Kick cancers ass!” This time he was back for the FURIOUSLY HAPPY tour and I was thrilled to be able to write a new inscription:
And his friend Gina had her inscription request written on her post-it (because I need all the help to write things correctly) and she requested a similar, inspirational “Keep kicking ass!”
Last week she sent me a picture of what I’d actually written and I was like, “Oh Gina, no. I didn’t.” and she was like, “Girl, you 100% did and I love you.”
Reader, this is what I wrote and handed to her:
Luckily Gina thought it was hilarious and it became a fantastic inside joke with her friends for years (and I just mailed her a handwritten note to stick in her book apologizing and explaining why I shouldn’t be allowed to sign things) but now I’m just wondering how often I’ve accidentally written stuff like that to other people??
Do other authors do this? Can I blame this on my dysgraphia? Should I come with a warning label? Do I owe you an apology for something I wrote that I was certain was just fine but was actually awful?
Either way, please read this and feel better about yourself in comparison.
PPS. Last week I went in to sign books and the Nowhere team was like, “You signed this one to Azaria but it’s supposed to be to Jordan. Azaria is the person who bought it as a gift for Jordan” and then I was all, “I actually did realize that after I’d already started it, so to fix it I implicated Azaria in a bank heist in the inscription and then wrote a PS on the bottom to Jordan telling him that he should save this book because if he ever needs an alibi for a bank heist he can could just use this book to prove that Azaria was the criminal mastermind, and I realize that’s tricky for Azaria but you know what’s an even better gift than a personalized book? A PERSONALIZED BOOK AND A LICENSE TO ROB A BANK. Technically I just made this a much better present and made Azaria look like a dangerous bad-ass” and then my team with was like, “Yeah. Let’s maybe just have you sign another book.” Which is fair, I guess, but maybe don’t rob any banks, Jordan.