A little lost right now.

I’m not here right now because I’m a little bit mentally bleh and I’m sort of too tired to explain so instead just go to my substack if you want. It’s open to everyone and if you don’t want to get emails from me you can just click “no thanks” when it asks if you want to give your email and it’ll let you straight in.

38 thoughts on “A little lost right now.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Hugs to you. I’m in that same space. Don’t even want to answer the phone. Between the PsA and the fatigue. I’ll just lay here and imagine a room full of us warriors, just laying in the silence together. 😊❤️

  2. I’m feeling small and sad and lost right now too. The time change and the seasonal affective disorder usually do not bother me that much, but this year I’m going through my divorce with my being disabled and I’m facing a future of poverty and aloneness as my spouse who I depended on left me, and cut me off from his family, and my nearby relatives are getting quite elderly and disabled, my siblings live out of state, as do my longest and best friends, my work friends all disappeared as I left work when I became disabled, and my disabilities make it very difficult to socialize in many settings or circumstances.
    This is a very hard time of year for those of us who are impacted by short dark days, bad weather, holiday stress, seasonal viruses going around, and other seasonal related stresses on top of our everyday mental health and disability stuff that we have to deal with every day.
    Add in that the world has gone mad, and it’s no surprise that 40% of Americans have stopped watching the news, and have left or no longer regularly follow social media.
    Your blog and posts are a huge bright spot when they pop up in my email inbox. Because then I know that you and your fans are right there feeling those types of feelings with me, and I don’t feel so sad or alone or small.
    Thank you for being you.

  3. Sending hugs your way. I’m feeling the same lately. I have so many plans to change my life for the better, but I don’t want to do anything. I just feel hopeless like none of it matters at this point. I honestly don’t know what to do.

  4. Right there with you. Mine may show up differently, but it’s very unhappy with me for scheduling social stuff this week. That’s my sign that I need those very social things. Of course, it also made me spend two hours in bed just now asking myself, “What am I supposed to be doing with my life?”

  5. Sending big bear hugs if that helps. Your second drawing describes exactly how I feel when the big black dog starts hanging out at the bottom of my driveway. Proud of you for going in for treatment. I super crazy love you too.

  6. Not sure what a sub stack is-does it come with butter and syrup?-but this time of year is hellish. Holiday crap all day all the time. Maybe spend a moment with someone who is solo and give a speck of interest or affection to them. As we age many of us find ourselves without family or friends. Without even a furry pal. Kindness is wonderful and hopefully contagious.

  7. You are amazing. Your vulnerability is strength when you share it with us all.

  8. This is a whole different kind of ME TOO movement! I super crazy love you for sharing!

  9. Thank you for sharing that you are not O.K., and that is O.K.
    It’s not been a ‘good news’ kind of couple of weeks, and I, too, am feeling a bit like curling into myself, and taking my kids, my beloved, and my cats with me.
    I get it, and I see you.
    I am glad that you see us, too.

  10. The lost in the gray fog Jenny is just as amazing as the pee in your pants too funny Jenny. I’m here for the ride now matter what song you’re playing. I’m hoping by association I can be half as creative, compassionate and courageous.

  11. Time change has screwed with my head and I’m feeling all kinds of ‘blah’. Upcoming holidays gets my anxiety cranked up…we’re all in this together. You remain my all time favorite; do what you gotta do, girl. Sending hugs ❤️

  12. I am sorry that you are feeling the darkness, but so glad that you will start the ketamine treatment again. I usually increase my dose of my antidepressant in the winter – the shorter days in the Midwest are tough. It’s one reason people who have long winters go full on with lights in their windows and seasonal decorations everywhere. It helps us through the darkness of winter.

    Depression is so strange – there are at least a thousand people, if not ten thousand, who would tell you how amazing you are and how much you have helped them, but still the chemistry of your body lies to your brain – you light up so many people’s lives, so you are not invisible or lost to us. We are here. Little dim lights huddled under blankets, reading books, eating chocolate, but we are a small pattern of small lights glowing in the dark. Sending you lots of warm hug energy.

  13. I have you. I could write a novella about my problems, but this is about YOU. YOU are loved and held by your people. I know that really doesn’t help when the darkness falls. We are here, nevertheless.

  14. I am >this< close to getting into a psilocybin study for TRD. I am trying not to pin too much hope on it. But I am so hopeful for both of us. For all of us.

  15. Lots of ♥️well wishes ♥️ and cheer is being sent to you😘

    Hope your slump soon passes.

  16. I feel your substack post deeply in my bones. I’m so sorry that you are in this moment Jenny, and I hope you begin to feel better soon. Your dedication to managing your wellness is beyond brave-it is remarkable. Thank you for sharing with us, and your art is profoundly haunting-beautiful.

    I understand how you feel in my own way. I am someone who feels blank on the page most of the time, and I’m doing what I can to reclaim my life. I’m having a pre-op apt tomorrow for endo/adeno laparoscopic surgery and (likely) a hysterectomy.

    I’m terrified, and feel a range of other emotions, but I’m tired of my physical health limiting so much of my life, affecting my relationships, and eroding my mental health. My smallness in the scope of life feels like a grain of sand at this point.

    After I’ve recovered from surgery I’m looking into therapy and to get back into life. Thank you for inspiring me and others to love ourselves in whatever ways we need…

  17. Remember what you always say “depression lies”. So lean into the meh knowing it gets better.
    I just drove across the country to see my grands and now I’m going back to my home so I get the low feeling.
    Hugs and warm wishes.

  18. I understand. I’ve spent last few days lying in bed just watching the ceiling fan. No mental capacity to do anything. If all you did today is wake up and go pee, instead of peeing the bed. You are an absolute winner. Much love 🫂

  19. I’m sorry that you’re having these feelings, and I’m hoping that this passes and you are able to maybe not bounce back, but maybe sidle back , maybe a little sideways, and then maybe a little straighter, stronger and brighter and more like your old self.

  20. I feel this way too. Know that you give voice to many who don’t have your gifts of expression. When you can’t see the light, you may still be the light. You bring me hope and laughter through tears. Thank you for sharing this. 🙂

  21. I am also medication/treatment-resistant. My insurance does not cover ketamine and I cannot afford to spend hundreds of dollars each week on injections until I get to maintenance level, so I am just raw-dogging it for now. I started EMDR, which has helped to make connections I didn’t see before but hasn’t made me feel any better yet. I know we’re somewhere deep inside those brains that are actively working against us.

  22. I can see you. We can all see you, even if you can’t see us. We are there, wherever you are hiding, silently supporting and loving you. Whisper to us when you are in your dark and lonely place, and I promise you, we will hear you.

  23. I hear you. I understand. I’ve been emotionally and physically depleted for the past month. Between 2 Geriatrics and helping my child navigate the legal system (no fault of her own), the driving through the Charlotte traffic*, I’ve spent more time crying than laughing. And I need to laugh.

    *one night the traffic was so bad that I made a detour over to my friend’s house because she has a Little Free Library in her front yard and I had a ton of books in my trunk so I filled it and left the boxes in her crate that she has for deliveries. I then got back on the road and the traffic had cleared.

  24. To #3 Heather Feather, so sorry to hear about your mental and emotional and financial problems. Please know that there is always hope that things will change for the better. There may be social services available to you but I’m afraid I can’t tell you how to find them. If you feel you may be a danger to yourself, or if you just need someone to listen, the hotline number is 877-727-4747. They are wonderful people to talk to. I’ve phoned them several times and I always feel better after the phone call. Please take care.

  25. Jenny, I love you like fat kids love cake. Sometimes, I come here just to check in with you and The Tribe to see if it’s just me, or does everyone feel crappy? I have had no energy to do anything for several weeks now, physical or mental. October is my favourite month, and it just went by in a blur until it was suddenly Halloween (which was a WEEK ago? What?) and I couldn’t get it together to dress up to give out candy, which if you knew me is weird. Still gave out the candy, which was an effort in itself.

    Heather Feather, hang on in there, girl. I don’t know where you live, but the Vulcan and I hit a patch this year where I almost left him (we’re good now), and I was surprised at how many resources there are out there if I had. If you live in/near a city with disability advocate services, they can really help sort shit out i.e., what paperwork to fill out and where it goes. Meanwhile, I wish you strength and love.

    Your Pal,

    Storm the Klingon

  26. This time change has really disrupted my sleep schedule this year. I don’t know why it has thrown me off so much. Politics are insane, young adults can’t afford to buy houses, vehicles cost what houses used to cost, food is crazy expensive and the future seems dismal. It makes complete sense to feel lost. But we are lost together.

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