Clearly, I come by it honestly. And by “it” I mean “playful insanity”.

in Random Crap

Five years ago Victor brought home a battered old bear named Mathew McClawnaughey because he knows I don’t like flowers:

And I gave the bear a small makeover and renamed her Ruth Bader Ginsbear, because obviously:

And then Ruth sat beside me through good times and bad and waved at fascinated neighborhood children during the pandemic.

But now Hailey is off in college and this house feels too big and so I’m looking at downsizing so that maybe we could move to a smaller place and so I asked my dad if he knew anyone that could give Ruth a home and he was like, “I’LL TAKE HER” and my mother was like, “Henry. We do not have room for another bear” and he explained that he could fix all her broken parts at his taxidermy shop and then put her in the old-west saloon/courthouse that they built by hand during the pandemic and I think this explains a lot about my family.

So then my dad picked Ruth up in a bear-hug and waltzed her outside…

…past Bone Crawford, the 12-foot-skeleton that I’ve been meaning to take down for years but now has become a permanent fixture.

And then he propped Ruth on a post while he went to get his pick-up, right as the neighbors drove by slowly, shaking their heads as they watched a bear dressed in a judge’s gown cling drunkenly to a pole like it was Mardi Gras for bears.

“Ah, Jesus. They’re at it again, Bernice.” ~ my neighbors, probably.

And then my parents drove away, with only Ruth’s boots sticking up over the bed of their truck, making it look to everyone they passed on the highway as if they were transporting the very stiff corpse of a cowboy with extremely hairy legs.

And that was how my Thanksgiving was.

49 thoughts on “Clearly, I come by it honestly. And by “it” I mean “playful insanity”.”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Oh Lawd! Laughing so hard I’m crying. Your family is amazing, weird and wonderful!

  3. OMD my Thanksgiving was 2 anxiety attacks and enough food to feed TWO armies. THANK YOU for giving me a chuckle today! And I really do miss Texas. #rbgforever

  8. Oh my gosh. This made me laugh so hard, and I really needed that laugh today. Thank you. I love your family so much!

  9. Do not, under any circumstances, do not downsize! Two old people in a 3,000+ ft house with four, count them, four toilets. Three complete bathrooms and one powder room. Three adult children, three dogs (plus 2 of my daughter’s that occasionally arrive in tow). They keep showing up! Bad days, breakups, lost jobs, holiday visits, coming and going more than you can imagine. The space is valuable, and I do not regret one single square foot. We have started referring to it as the Schaefer Halfway House.

  10. As should all Thanksgings be, full of growth (and downsizing), regifting, old and new memories, and laughter.

  11. Such a great story! It makes me want to take to Texas just to meet you and check out the bookstore. Thanks so much!

  12. PLEASE, please do not downsize if you can afford your current lifestyle. Hailey is more than likely going to come back after college, and the economy she’ll be coming home to will be worse off for wear than it is now. There are a lot of people and families (post 2010) that cannot afford housing. The economy isn’t a safe place even with a college degree. PLEASE, for everyone’s safety and peace do not downsize. It’ll be worth it! I promise! Life happens. Please keep space for life to happen.

  13. You don’t want to downsize because Hailey will come home after college, with their partner, cats, dogs, and possibly grandchildren at some point.
    It’s better to wait until there is clearly either not going to be grandchildren, ever, or the grandchildren have grown up and are too busy in their lives to visit their grandparents except at Xmas or Thanksgiving.
    That’s when you can safely downsize and move somewhere that someone else can take care of the yard and the exterior of your domicile.
    I know too many people who downsized before they were really ready, and regretted it soon after.
    I love yours and your Dad’s love of taxidermy animals in costume! It makes life interesting. Your neighbors can never say you’re boring.

  14. Thank you for cheering me up. Again. No matter how sad I am, you always make me feel better! ❤️❤️❤️

  18. Life has been EXTRA for me this year. Thank you for always adding humor, honesty, support—or some combination of those and more—to my days. I adore you!

  21. Bravo I could only applaud your family and you we need love and laughter in those crazy times don’t you think?

  22. Listen, I would expect nothing less of your Thanksgiving. Also – your dad is so sweet. I’ve met him a couple of times and enjoyed both of them.

  23. There’s a ‘something’ for everyone. I’m glad your Dad has a hobby he enjoys. He’s not a serial killer…Right?

  24. My takeaway from this post is that some of your other taxidermy may be up for grabs as well and now i am screaming, “DIBS!!!!” on Totes MaGoats. There. It’s officially in writing — no takebacks.

  26. I love your family.
    AND:
    OMG, DO NOT DOWNSIZE!
    I have adult children, and both of them needed time back at home, after college/other life events.
    I am even looking at relocating to a home, nearer my daughter and son in law, with a much bigger home than we have now, so that my son and his girlfriend can live with us, to help out, now that we are nearing our dotage.
    (We are not, in fact, becoming enfeebled, in the near future. But, that day will come, and I want to be in place when it happens.)

  28. I had the same thought as commenter #5, who wrote, “Somehow the best part is *another* bear! Makes me wonder how many they have!” I need to know exactly how many bears your folks have in their home and in the old-west saloon/courthouse? I also agree with others that your dad is a very good looking man. Every sentence I ever post here is a sentence that nobody else has ever said or WILL ever say.

  29. I love your father. He looks like a sexy slimmed down version of Santa Claus. So appropriate for the season. Does he have a brother?

  30. i got a really good laugh reading your story, thank you. also very much liked seeing a pic of your dad, you are lucky to still have him, even if he does collect taxidermied bears..

  32. I love the unpredictability of your topics-why can’t everyone tell stories like you do? I’d be such a better listener!

  33. I love this story! Makes me wish I still had my Pitiful Pearl doll so she could finally have the bear of her dreams.

  36. OK, now I don’t feel quite so weird for thinking out loud “Damn, Jenny’s Daddy, work that Silver Fox Look!”

    I am WAY too fascinated with those gorgeous fashion dolls (Barbies?) on the top shelf in the third photo, especially the one in red with the wee fur stole!

    Your Pal,

    Storm the Klingon

  38. YOUR DAD IS A LEGEND! This is just great for every reason. Thanks for being you.

  40. Oh my. The first pics looked like it was a miniature bear. A full size bear??? That’s the bomb.

  41. But will a liberal female justice fit in to a saloon/courthouse? Won’t she have to be reimagined yet again as Judge Roy Bear? (Extend the r to where it’s half r, half n, can be interpreted either way.) Also, I don’t see how you can possibly downsize. You have too many collections and handicrafts. Just the ordeal of moving it all (and keeping it intact through the process) could fell an ox. Rent out a room to a college student from overseas. That should be good for some columns.

  42. OMG Jenny I love you so much! This story is what I need right now. So funny. I’m glad your Thanksgiving was bearable (bad pun fully intended).

  45. I love your Dad. And your Mom. You would never have been a wonderfully weird if not for those two. So, yeah, I love your dad and Ruth. Hairy bear legs and all.

  47. If only you knew the joy you bring…I feel as though if I had the ability to be myself, there would be more episodes like this. Love that Victor turns a blind eye or.., enjoyed fully open eyed at ur antics.

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