Name that bear

This weekend I made a new friend and live-tweeted it and it was glorious and terrifying:

So basically I thought I had a great bear name and then I saw all the other great bear names and now we need a new poll.  Also, the bear is gender neutral at the moment and I’m gonna need a line on a triple-XL kilt probably.


139 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Wow, two people happy by just moving a taxidermied bear from one place to another. I love how she is wearing her jeans. That may be a new fashion trend there.

    Gaz the Human Macrophage recently posted Tempest Platter at Tempest Seafood Restaurant and Teppanyaki Grill.

  2. Based solely on the shirt, I voted Matthew McClawnaughey. I suspect I am not the only one, since that choice is in first place (for now, but I think only 8 or 9 people have voted so far).

  3. I’m getting a total John Travolta vibe but that doesn’t yield a good name so never mind.

    Lille recently posted i hope scorpions eat your mailbox.

  4. Victor definitely knows how to ring your chimes! He bears you well!

  5. The shirt did influence my vote. The shriveled up nutsack though….

  6. This was the best ever. Victor knows you so well and I can’t wait to see what you dress it in.

  7. I love how you can so easily identify a bear’s nutsack. The penis was obvious, the nutsack less so.

    Janet Coburn recently posted State of the Arts.

  8. If you need a giant kilt, you should try

  9. 9
    Darrilyn Mathson

    Matthew McClawnaughy

  10. I stay by my vote of Matthew McClaunaughey because it also says ?”hey!I’m naughty!”

  11. 12

    Harry Bearafonte? Probably too late, maybe keep on file if more bears turn up.

  12. Harry Bearafonte? Probably too late, maybe keep on file if more bears turn up.

  13. 14

    Jesus Fucking Christ…. this is both my name suggestion and my reaction. Just think… every person surprised by the bear’s presence in your home will already know their name! ” JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!” “OH, you’ve met!” See?

  14. 15
    Laura Burns

    Clark Grizzwold

  15. 16
    Libby Melugin

    Jesus Fucking Christ…. this is both my name suggestion and my reaction. Just think… every person surprised by the bear’s presence in your home will already know their name! ” JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!” “OH, you’ve met!” See?

  16. If you put a kilt on it, I vote for Sean Clawnery or Sean Bearghan

  17. Captain Ahibernate. In honor of the missing foot.

  18. 19
    Beth Clifford

    Since I assume he’ll take a place of prominence in your bookstore:

    Billy Shakesbear?

  19. 20

    The first name I thought of was Bearthew McBearny…before I read your list of names.

  20. No one thought of Beary White? Because that bear can clearly not get enough of your love. Baby.

  21. 22
    Chris boyle

    Bearny Fife. You can give him ONE bullet.

  22. I’m definitely a Matthew McClawnaughy supporter. It’s too bad you couldn’t call him Roary, but that would get confusing:-)

    mydangblog recently posted My Week 244: The Need To Exorcise.

  23. 24
    Katharine Whitman

    Beary Fisher?

  24. You have the best Twitter conversations! 😂 You also have the best Husband. Aside from The Viking, of course. It sounds like they do a lot of gift shopping from the same source though.

    Mrs. Completely recently posted A Viking Lawn Mowing Competition.

  25. Bear naked lady

  26. Matthew mcClawnaughey. No doubt about it. Especially now that he’s doing that whole Magic Mike thing on your floor.

  27. I’m still feeling like Benedict Cumberbear or Bearnadict Cumberbatch might be this bear’s name, especially if a kilt is coming into play…
    I’m also wondering if this bear is Texan? If so I feel like there might be some potential names from Texas history in play. I know this isn’t helping narrow the field. Also, I feel like this needs to be an ad for Facebook marketplace.

    knockingonfortysdoor recently posted Bag of Hair Blues….

  28. Bear O’Ness. Nessie for short & rocks a kilt.

  29. 30

    I’m not sure who suggested Ron Bearemy but I bow down to their brilliance.

  30. If you do put him in a kilt, how about Robert Bearns? Robbie to his friends. He could be the mascot for your bookstore.

  31. 32

    Teddy Roarsevelt!!

  32. Two votes, only one counts. Hear me out, I’m not trying to stuff the ballot box.

    IF you keep the t-shirt, I feel like it kinda has to be Matthew McClawnaughey.

    If you plan on a wholesale change of dress, Ruth Bader Ginsbear, ’cause I love me some Notorious RBG. You can buy facsimiles of her collars online, you know, and then you’d just need a big-ass black robe.

  33. 34

    Drew Bearymore

  34. I do hope he becomes your new greeter at your new library…I mean BOOKSTORE! Mona

  35. At least he didn’t hand you the NUT SACK in a paper… sack.Why does my husband never get me anything nice like this?

  36. 37
    Auntie Dawn

    After having recently watched The Good Place, I vote for Jeremy Bearimy.

  37. 38

    Ron Bearemy. C’mon. Total bear porn star.

  38. 39

    For obscure pop culture, I don’t think you could do any better than Kerry Von Bearich after the late wrestler Kerry Von Erich, the Texas Tornado. He lost his foot in a motorcycle accident in 1986, but he hid the severity of the injury and kept wrestling with a prosthetic in his boot. Almost nobody knew about it until after he died. That’s dedication to kayfabe!

  39. 40

    Okay but Bearison Ford because then you can dress him up like Indiana Jones

  40. 41

    Drew Bearymore? Beary Williams? Beary White?

  41. Jeremy Bearemy! (It’s a joke from “The Good Place” if you haven’t seen it)

  42. 43

    Ludwig Van Bearthoven? Hairy Pawter?

  43. I don’t know what its name is, but I am pretty sure it ruined its motherfucking souffle.

  44. After seeing all these name entries I thought for sure she was gonna say, ‘we need another bear!’

  45. With shirt > Matthew McClawnaughey, hands down. Without, Bearison Ford, but I can’t decide if you should then dress him up like Indy or Han. A conundrum.

  46. 47

    I was thinking ‘Christine Bearanski’ or ‘Brigitte Beardot’ before you took his pants off.

    If he’s going to eventually reside in your bookstore, maybe a more literary name is in order. I like what someone else said earlier, ‘Billy Shakesbear’

  47. 48

    I voted, but honestly I think it should be Roarville bc he has on a shirt that says Wright on it.

  48. Wilbear Wright

  49. My bear’s name is Maury. M. Bearassed. If you’re being formal. I feel like your bear needs a good murkin to create a Chewbacca like genital coverage situation or a strategically placed fanny pack. They’re trending!

  50. I prefer Beary Manillo or Teddy Van Halen!!

  51. Someone mentioned Sean Clawnery a while ago and I have to say I love that, especially if you put him in a kilt.

  52. Ruth Bearder Ginsburg.

  53. At least it’s not towels.

  54. 55
    Stacey Anderson

    Beary Ballsy

  55. This entire thread just makes me entirely happy. Happy! 😀

  56. 57
    Jennifer C.

    Utilikilt. (inexpensive, well-made, and large sizes available)
    And if you go with a kilt, this bear needs a Scottish or an Irish name for sure.

  57. 58

    I LOVE his boots!

  58. Hes an old bear who needs an old name… Bearney Google…you know the grandpa song right? BEARney Google, with the goo goo googly eyes.
    Perfect for taxidermny. And oh the costume possibilities.

  59. Bear Necessity

    judyt recently posted damnnnn.

  60. Ridiculous in the best possible way. I’m laugh-crying so hard I’m “bearly” keeping it together. How amazing is Victor?

  61. Steal an old bathrobe and put a White Russian in his paw and viola… Jeff Lewbearski.

  62. 63
    Jodi Nickels

    I can’t vote! There are too many good options! I think it all depends on how you ultimately decide to dress him/her. If you’re keeping the t-shirt, then obviously Matthew McClawnaughey, but with the right apparel, I think Bearison Ford and Ruth Bader Ginsbear would also be amazing. Perhaps your bear is gender- and identity-fluid and changes according to your mood? (Also, a black robe and lace collar would be super easy costume for a taxidermied bear in that condition.)

  63. 64

    Too late, I guess, but Clawed Bearrow

  64. I don’t have a Twitter account but after reading these hilarious posts I might have to start. Definitely Matthew Mc …. and I love his Magic Mike floor act ! Love you Jenny!

  65. That is a transgender bear. Or this bear is a drag queen and wants some glam and campy outfits like those in that wonderful documentary “is Paris Burning?” although that might not be the exact name of the movie. How about Beartte Midler?

  66. If you are putting him in a kilt, you need a good Scottish name….
    How about Beary Connelly?
    Robeart the Bruce
    Robert Bearns (wrote auld lang syne…he could be your New Years mascot).
    Sir David Bearster – (Brewster…inventor of the kaleidoscope)

  67. Man, I’m thinking you need a dancing bear themed name because that is such a dance pose if I ever saw one. Mikhail Bearyshnikov springs to mind… Pawtrick Swayze, Fred Asbear, Pawla Abdul. Or a disco vibe? Beary Gibb (but that one might cause trouble because then you would HAVE to complete the trio), Chuck Beary, Beary Manilow…

  68. Franz Schubeart (who apparently died of syphilis, which might explain that whole crotch decay thing going on). All he needs is a pair of wire-rimmed spectacles. And maybe a piano.

  69. Umm, if it’s in a kilt then Sean Clawnnery.

  70. Clawna Summers

    Bearfoot Contessa

  71. Beary Manilow?

    Sheila Lester recently posted Paint, Trim and Wall Assembly.

  72. 73

    What about lady Bearlyne Ursa_Major just a thought

  73. How about Harry Bear?

    LadyPamelaRose recently posted 20 Quotes To Reduce Stress When You Have An Invisible Illness.

  74. 75

    What about lady Bearlyne Ursa_Major just a thought

  75. +1 Clark Grizzwold

  76. 77

    I totally think he is Marlon Bearando!

  77. 78

    I think he looks like a Marlon Bearando. Or if I need to pick one from your list, Bearison Ford. But I really like Marlon Bearando.

  78. Drew Bearymore!

  79. What a guy…..I cannot believe he brought GrGrGr home for you. That episode was hilarious! Only in your house………..

  80. 81

    Ursa Molter.

  81. Oh man.this cracked me up. I LOVE HIM! 😀

    mommatrek recently posted Crafty Creations–The Sea Dragon Shawl.

  82. 83

    I was all about RBG, but if there is to be a kilt, Mattie McClaw is a no-brainer. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 🐻

  83. If you’re looking for a name to go with a kilt – John Yogie Bear-d (John Logie Baird, Scottish inventor).

  84. Bearbearella.

  85. 86

    Definitely Beary Manilow.

  86. 87

    Bearnie Sanders.

  87. 88
    Shelley MacGregor

    Beary Bostwick

  88. 89
    AJ-the short one

    These suggestions are all so great! How to pick just one? You need more bears. This one however needs a name befitting a born performer. Personally my faves are Beary Manilow, LiBearace, Beary White, Chuck Beary….my husband, ultimate minimalist, said Bear.

  89. My favorites Beary Gibb or Beary Manilow didn’t make the cut????? Wha????? With that 70’s t-shirt? Plus he looks like he’s disco-ing! (Or maybe Copa Cabana-ing) I’m still holding out hope for either of those….

  90. Sparky!

  91. He needs a microphone. Beary White or Beary Manilow.

  92. I started reading this earlier today, but had to stop. Firstly because I was at an all day workshop, and Secondly because these names are aweso…… ummm I mean PAWSOME!!!!! and it was a little bit hard not to snort, guffaw and full on cackle at some of them!
    God I love this page!! God Bless Beary Manilow, Beary White and/or Beary Gibb!!!

  93. This is brilliant! I haven’t laughed so hard in ages – beary funny. Luckily I’m on my own in the office or I’d have to explain to my co-workers why I’m laughing at images of a half-naked, footless bear. I vote Bearison Ford all the way. Dressed as Han Solo or Indiana Jones

  94. You know, at this point I don’t think you’ll ever top this unless you find a kangaroo or a llama or (Gods help you) an elephant. So, I think you should take this opportunity to really push the boat out and go with Beary McBearface. You won’t get another chance like this, Lawson. DO IT.

  95. Lille, the Travolta vibe gives us Vinny Barbearino.

  96. 97

    Sportkilt will make a kilt to fit him, plus they use velcro so easy to change

  97. I’m really feeling Lionel Bearymore. I mean, give that guy an Oscar.

  98. Lionel Bearymore! Give that bear an Oscar!!!

  99. 100
    Christina McMenemy

    The photos with the cat are killing me. He looks like a grumpy boss yelling at his intern. “Jesus, Linda, I said only TWO sugars! This coffee tastes like syrup!”

    If you need a kilt for him, this is the brand my husband bought recently and loves:

  100. Thanks for showing us a picture of a penis and then saying, “We’re gonna need another poll (pole)” 😛

  101. My 12yo wants a Marvel name and suggests Beary Barnes. I pointed out that Beary Barnes would have been missing an arm not both feet, at which point she said she’d also be happy with Simon Growl.

  102. 103

    Is it too late to suggest Bearto O’Rourke?

  103. 104


  104. 105
    Michael Fay

    Take a piece of tartan cloth about 9′ long, and build some pleats across the middle 3-4 feet. Tack them down. Then wrap the cloth around Beary Blight’s waist and secure with a belt. You then have a kilt.

  105. One lone vote for Justin Beibear?

  106. 107

    Change out the outfits especially in your new bookstore. It will draw in customers to see who the ‘Bear of the Month’ is? Maybe the Bear has multiple personalities?

  107. 108
    Seana Gause

    Hats off to Victor, for TOTALLY getting you. That man is golden.

  108. 109
    Linnea Allen

    If you’re looking for a kilt, may I suggest Off Kilter Kilts? It’s my friend’s shop, so you’d be supporting a small business, and he should be able to order you a Sport Kilt in your choice of tartan. 🙂 (Perhaps MacClaren, since Lawson is a sept of that clan? Or he has a kick ass store tartan in black and purple.)

  109. 110
    Bill E Stevens

    Les Griz?

  110. Bear Naked Laddie

  111. 112

    Love the kilt idea, so Sean Clawnnery was an awesome suggestion!
    More Scottish names:
    Craig Furguson
    Ewan McGregrrr
    Grrroundskeeper Willie….see what I did there?

    But, these are also cool:
    Bearrison Ford
    Matthew McClawnaughey

  112. I can’t vote until you choose the clothing! If the t-shirt stays, then of course the name must match the duds – Matthew McClawnaughey.

  113. Did someone say “Drew Bearymore “??

  114. 115

    Jenny – obviously, I love everything about this post (I think that if you can’t get that XL kilt, a pair of festive jams with a nice elastic waist would be awesome), but I absolutely love the dress you are wearing! Would you please share info? TIA!

  115. 116

    and that right there is why victor is your perfect partner.

  116. Elizabeth Bearrett Browning

  117. It has to be Matthew McClawnaughey! Because of the shirt!

  118. Beaty Me

  119. 120

    If you ever need a 3XL corset, I can hook you up. I got nothin’ for a kilt. Sorry
    I’ll leave the names up to the rest of the committee. Not my super power by a long shot.
    Victor – major hubby points for such a wonderful gift for your sweetie.

  120. 121

    I know am I really late to the party, but I can’t believe no one else suggested RuPaw! This bear needs to host a taxidermy drag competition.

    Also, Victor wins the husband-of-the-year award :-).

  121. 122
    Suzi Poore

    DEFINITELY RUTH BADER GINSBEAR, because we need every person available to think fondly of her often and hope she outstays the opportunity for Trump to appoint another Kavanaugh!!! BTW, Terry Gross had Michael Pollan on Fresh Air discussing his book, How to Change Your Mind, magic mushrooms may be the answer… just saying it’s worth exploring.

  122. 124

    If he’s wearing a kilt, I really like the earlier suggestion of Robert Bearnes. Plus then you can explain the taxidermied feet of bears, like the best laid plans of mice and men, gang aft a-gley.

    Before you removed the bear’s pants, I would have suggested Grizzelda, because Patient Griselda would be a whole lot better with a not-so-patient bear dealing with the duke’s nonsense.

  123. 125

    Well if boy then Beary White or if girl than Jenny Clawson or Kelly Clawkson

  124. There is no QUESTION about the name with that Tshirt!
    Big fan from Austin

  125. Is that a ship chandelier in your office?! Very cool!!!

  126. Back again. Still thinking Beary Connelly. Then you can dress him like Uncle Monty from Lemony Snickett (bow tie for the win).Which brings me to my best argument: this will give you a strong argument for purchasing a taxidermied albino python. Having said that….you could make him into lots of literary characters for your shop….

  127. 129

    Harry Paratesticles

  128. Wait. Stop the presses. Ursula Le Bruinn.

  129. 131

    Lord Bareass Bearatheon?

  130. Congratulations on your new family member! And for deciding to go to Japan. I wish I was as brave as you are 💜

  131. I can help you with the kilt issue. And I feel like they should be called Bearnardo.

  132. I think this bear needs a kimono.

  133. We were driving through Minnesota on a family trip and I found a place that you need to visit and this post proves why. It’s called Mehlops Four Seasons Taxidermy and it’s in Courtland, Minnesota. Oh, by the way, we saw two dead raccoons by the side of the road and one of them was in a fantastic Thriller dance pose. I was so sad to see them, but I imagined you finding them and taking them to Mehlops Four Seasons Taxidermy. Congratulations on the success with the TMS! Longtime anxiety/panic attack/depression sufferer here.

  134. 136

    I am so Beary happy for you! Victor truly is your soulmate! How about Ricky Beartin?

  135. 137

    Has the bear been named?
    What about Beary Manilow?

  136. 138

    Are you on James Breakwell’s mailing list? (If not, you should be). He has a whole series of emails about his search for a taxidermy bear for his brother’s wedding gift. Saga has not yet ended since the wedding is not until August. The story of how he picked it up is hilarious.
    P.S. I voted for Bearison Ford, because Chewbacca of course.

  137. Traditionally, men would not wear any underwear while wearing a kilt – and many still don’t.

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