Today Victor and I were driving home and I said, “The other day I saw an iguana sunning himself on our neighbors fence” and Victor looked at me like I was crazy but I know what I saw. And when we turned it I was like, “THERE IT FUCKING IS! DO YOU NOT SEE THAT IGUANA PERCHED ON THE GATE?”
And Victor was like, “Huh” and I said, “I bet it’s someone’s pet. Hang on. I need to catch it” and so I jumped out of the car and Victor was like, “You need to what now?” but I was hearing nothing of it because I was already right about iguanas running wild in the neighborhood and could not be stopped. And so I snuck up on it very quietly and slowly and a neighbor was watching me while watering his lawn but I didn’t let that stop me because he was going to feel really stupid when I was wrangling someone’s beloved iguana, and it would have been very impressive if the iguana didn’t turn out to be a very iguana-shaped piece of wood.
So I got back into the car and when Victor asked where the iguana was I was like, “Oh, it’s dead” which is not entirely inaccurate because that piece of wood was not alive.
And then I saw this thing on threads from WebMD about how if you have a fold in your ear you’re going to die and I totally have a fold in my ear so I texted my doctors office:
Anyway, this is just to say that it’s not even 1 in the afternoon and I have already fucked up publicly multiple times so if you are having a bad day, just know that you are among friends.
PS. I’ll be announcing book tour stops for HOW TO BE OKAY WHEN NOTHING IS OKAY in the next day or two if I can get my shit together so watch this space. 🙂
It totally looked like an iguana in the first pic! (And now I have to go check my ears…)
That picture totally looked like an iguana. And the second one definitely looks like a ver very old iguana.
Not just friends, my dear. Kindred spirits.
You do not have Frankenstein. Hope that helps. Speaking of book tours, I mean I am not going to do one, but my new book is now available. It’s called “Use This as a Coaster”… and yes both sides of the book double as a coaster! It is convenient and entertaining!!!
TOTALLY AN IGUANA.
Was it a plant? Did they WANT you to stop? Did you avoid a potential abduction?
You are welcome for these new anxieties:P
Jenny,
I’d hope we do not have Frankenstein, or Our Relatives to Care For (Amid Other Things).
I will totally back you up to anyone and swear that is a (very) dead iguana. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen something off the side of the road and swore it was an animal (I probably should look into glasses) and it turned out to be a stump or something very not alive. So I got you.
You make me laugh so much!!
I still thought it was an iguana in the first picture after you said it wasn’t! You are amazing!❤️
Come to New York!!!!!
Wow that piece of wood is a keeper. It totally looked like an iguana. You could sell it on eBay for $1000 lol 😉
I am legitimately shocked that is not an iguana. You should have taken the stick and put it on a bookshelf because that’s your pet now.
Oh my god, I’m laughing so hard! I really needed this today so thank you so very much!
What would we do without you?????
Okay I see the iguana and that’s totally something I would have done, but what I’m loving most is that text you can barely read under the webmd page that says you didn’t go looking for it but webmd is stalking you!!
Regarding the fold in your ear, I mean, we are all going to die, fold or not.
Regarding the woodguana…good karma for trying to capture the escaped pet.
Regarding the watering neighbor – they won’t forget you now 🙂
Well honestly it does look like a iguana sunning it self on the wall so you where right in a way and so you jump out of the car with good intentions and let’s say if you didn’t do that maybe something bad could have happened but you know what they say Hell is paved with good intentions and if real the iguana could have bitten you and those have sharp teeth!
One time I pulled over because I saw a dog in distress in a field, and jumped out of the car and started wading through the grass to get to the dog, at which point I found out that two turkeys mating looks a lot like a dog in distress from a distance, but not so much up close.
Oh please let there be ring camera video.
Bless your heart, Jenny. I needed to see this today. I dragged my ass out of bed this morning for an appointment with my neurologist, and it was unbelievably cold and I was just sure I was going to run out of gas on the way, but at last I arrived at the office and was told my appointment is Friday. No idea how I got it wrong, but I have felt a perfect fool ever since. At least I don’t have Frankenstein.
I love you so much Jenny. You make me feel so seen and so not alone. Bless you and thank you.
Well, I wondered why I had a crease in one earlobe and not the other. I guess now I know. Yikes!
I saw an iguana in that wood, too!
Please come to Minneapolis! We would really benefit from your personal sunshine
Totally looks like an iguana.
Hope your ear does not foretell a heart condition. Waiting to hear how that turns out. OTOH, that iguana look-alike! I had even enlarged the photo and still thought it really was an iguana! What a fun surprise though!
It totally looked like a lizard to me. You should go back and get it and paint it to reveal its true form.
Tobe fair Frank’s ear sounds like a great start. Get a few more body parts and you’ll be well on your way to your very own Frankenstein.