I’m an idiot – The Bloggess

Also, Jaime Pressly and Margot Robbie are the same person and you will never convince me otherwise.

I was just watching a movie and I was like, “Damn, Howard Hesseman never ages. How is he still so hot?” and I looked him up and turns out he literally doesn’t age because he’s dead and the person I’ve been thinking is Howard Hesseman is actually JK Simmons.

I have an orange thumb.

I just found this in my pantry: I can’t keep a houseplant alive to save my life but I can make my sweet potatoes grow into unwanted plants with literally no effort at all. I can only imagine this means I have some sort of super power which allows me to drain the life of fern and transfer it’sContinue reading “I have an orange thumb.”

It’s worse than I thought. Unless I thought it was worse at one point and just forgot how bad I thought it was.

So, I saw this on Pinterest… …and I was like, “Holy hell. Yes. This happens to me every damn week when I try to sign up on a new website” and so I went to pin the picture on my board and then I got this message: So basically I tried to pin a picture explaining howContinue reading “It’s worse than I thought. Unless I thought it was worse at one point and just forgot how bad I thought it was.”

I think I just became a professional scientist. A dangerously unqualified one.

Yesterday I got an email from Scientific American magazine asking if I would be interested in submitting some ideas for science experiments for children. And I was all, OF COURSE I WOULD. After all, this is the same prestigious magazine that Einstein once contributed to. My actual response: Have you considered experiments regarding the properContinue reading “I think I just became a professional scientist. A dangerously unqualified one.”

Part two: The Stanley Hotel and the reason why Ghost Hunters should hire me as a permanent member of their team. Or Destination Truth. Which one is less likely to look for giant squid? That one.

This is part 2 of my ghost-hunting trip to The Stanley Hotel so you should really read part one first. Or just go watch tv instead. That’s probably what I would do. (As usual, this is copied directly out of my journal so there’s no real flow and the tenses change constantly but technically thatContinue reading “Part two: The Stanley Hotel and the reason why Ghost Hunters should hire me as a permanent member of their team. Or Destination Truth. Which one is less likely to look for giant squid? That one.”

Oh. That was…unexpected.

You know what’s awesome? When you’re having a crappy day and the doorbell rings and there’s a guy with a package that you need to sign for and you smile excitedly at him and you’re all “Awesome! I love getting packages!” and he looks at you weird but you brush it off because Yay! Package!Continue reading “Oh. That was…unexpected.”