If you’ve been here long enough you know I have a terrific fear of anything tentacled, and that I’m fairly certain giant squids will one day take over the world. This isn’t helping: We’re not even safe on land, you guys. I don’t even trust the toilet anymore at this point.
Category Archives: Giant squid are chasing me
Oh, Twilight. You’re ruining it for everyone.
PS. I’m sick with some sort of plague. We’re still in the process of moving because we couldn’t fit everything in the moving van so my new house is filled with boxes of things that go inside furniture that isn’t actually here. We’ve been attacked by scorpions. I can’t find the box with my clothes in itContinue reading “Oh, Twilight. You’re ruining it for everyone.”
An open letter to the people sitting next to me at the movie theater who won’t shut the fuck up
(Disclaimer: There are no real spoilers here because *I’m* not an asshole.) Dear woman sitting next to me while I watched Avatar: What. the fuck. is wrong with you? I can only assume that your husband is both deaf and moronic because I can’t think of any other reason why else you would feel theContinue reading “An open letter to the people sitting next to me at the movie theater who won’t shut the fuck up”
Hurrication: All I never wanted (updated again)
Hi. I’m alive. I know, half of you are all “THANK GOD! I’VE BEEN SO WORRIED!” and the other half are all “Big whoop, so am I” and the other half are like “this girl can’t do math” but I’ve been in San Antonio playing the part of a hurricane refugee, which basically means I drinkContinue reading “Hurrication: All I never wanted (updated again)”
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Remember last week when Hailey graduated from kindergarten?
Last high school dance.
Yesterday I was telling my friends that I have to take Hailey to the Blossom Culp stadium for graduation practice and they looked at me weird bc apparently it’s the “Blossom stadium” and I’ve been saying it wrong for years and I just realized that Blossom Culp was the heroine of Richard Peck book series I loved when I was little and had forgotten existed until now.
When the roles are reversed and your child tells you to go to sleep and then records you for their TikTok.
ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:
I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:
