Giant squid are chasing me

No. No. Nope. ALL THE NOPES.

If you’ve been here long enough you know I have a terrific fear of anything tentacled, and that I’m fairly certain giant squids will one day take over the world. This isn’t helping: We’re not even safe on land, you guys. I don’t even trust the toilet anymore at this point.

Oh, Twilight. You’re ruining it for everyone.

PS. I’m sick with some sort of plague. We’re still in the process of moving because we couldn’t fit everything in the moving van so my new house is filled with boxes of things that go inside furniture that isn’t actually here. We’ve been attacked by scorpions. I can’t find the box with my clothes in itContinue reading “Oh, Twilight. You’re ruining it for everyone.”

An open letter to the people sitting next to me at the movie theater who won’t shut the fuck up

(Disclaimer: There are no real spoilers here because *I’m* not an asshole.) Dear woman sitting next to me while I watched Avatar: What. the fuck. is wrong with you? I can only assume that your husband is both deaf and moronic because I can’t think of any other reason why else you would feel theContinue reading “An open letter to the people sitting next to me at the movie theater who won’t shut the fuck up”

Hurrication: All I never wanted (updated again)

Hi. I’m alive. I know, half of you are all “THANK GOD! I’VE BEEN SO WORRIED!” and the other half are all “Big whoop, so am I” and the other half are like “this girl can’t do math” but I’ve been in San Antonio playing the part of a hurricane refugee, which basically means I drinkContinue reading “Hurrication: All I never wanted (updated again)”

Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”. Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Scaredy Cat Travels: Traveling the world with the worst carry-on anxiety.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic

Sarah Linn on Medium: Humorist or unstable person with an internet connection? You decide.

Uncommon Creatures Digital Portraits: Animal art inspired by Earth’s most magical creatures. Got your own beloved pet you’d like to memorialize? Have no fear… let me turn your fur-baby into a work of art.

The Dating Days of Marta O: When I told my sister I was building a blog she said: “Do people still read blogs?” I do not know, but if YOU want to read it, here it is. Keep in mind, my stories about dating after 40 are for the brave.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: SO GOOD.