Hurrication: All I never wanted (updated again)

Hi.  I’m alive.  I know, half of you are all “THANK GOD!  I’VE BEEN SO WORRIED!” and the other half are all “Big whoop, so am I” and the other half are like “this girl can’t do math” but I’ve been in San Antonio playing the part of a hurricane refugee, which basically means I drink a lot and walk around looking lost and telling random strangers my pathetic plight while I’m in the line for the zoo trolley.  Also, I have to write everything (including this) on my phone and I keep losing service and screaming “Why me, God?!” and then the strangers around me think I just found out that my house exploded and then I have to just walk away because if I tell them I’m just upset because I can’t figure out how to spellcheck my blog with my phone they are probably going to feel much less sorry for me.   Anyway, Victor is part of the disaster ride-out team at work and he was just released to leave and check on our house and so he just called and was all “I’m home!  And we have power!  And very little damage!  And I have the cats and they hate you but they’ll get over it!” and I was so fucking relieved I literally cried.  Then he mentioned something about coughing up blood and having to go to ER but I muted my phone then because I didn’t want him to spoil the mood.*

So tomorrow Hailey and I are going to drive back to Houston which will probably take about 8 million hours and I suggested caravanning back with my friend who I won’t name, but her blog rhymes with Bookooloonks, but she was all “We’re going to stay an extra day to get tattoos.  And skydive.  And have orgasms.  I’m too drunk to drive.  You’re boring.  Stop calling me.  Who gave you this number?”  Then she called me fat and threw a drink on me.  Which was weird because we were on the phone with each other.  That’s how drunk she was.**

Also, I’d like to ask a quick question:  WHY THE FUCK HAVEN’T WE CURED HURRICANES YET?  Like seriously, I’m pretty sure all we need is an enormous wall hidden deep below the coast that can be rolled up like a giant electric car window.  I came up with that in about 8 seconds.  Why don’t we have these yet?  Fuck you too, scientists. 

*Victor’s fine.  They think it’s just an ulcer and I’m pretty sure it can be cured by tough love.  Asking him about it just encourages the ulcer.  I’m not sure that’s true but that’s my assumption.

**I love Chookooloonks and most of that conversation didn’t actually happen at all.  Except the part about her being drunk and having skydiving orgasms.  That part was totally true.

Updated:  Home.  Exhausted.  Snapped a picture of the front of our subdivision.  That long thing is a flag-pole.  The green thing is a tree.  The orange stuff on the ground is orange stuff on the ground.  Who left all these shingles on my lawn?

Updated again:  I think it’s Thursday?  Terribly sick.  Think it’s the flu or I’m sick from contaminated water.  Be back soon.

Comment of the day:  I know for a fact that tough love does in fact cure ulcers. And broken arms. Ask my husband. He broke his arm and I was all, “Suck it up, wuss. It doesn’t hurt that bad.” And like two years later he was better. His thumb is permanently stuck in the hitchhike position, but he gets by.  ~ blissfully caffeinated

174 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Glad to know you’re OK. You are invited to come live with us here in Los Angeles if you tire of the weather.

    will betheboy’s last blog post..Mark Your Calendar

  2. Fuckin’ A and B! You are a brave people, living through such weatherz. Also, Karen is always throwing drinks on people, you don’t have to hide it from us.

  3. I am SO GLAD you’re all okay!

    I’ve been haunting Twitter today (well, more than USUAL) and I’m glad to hear from you!

    daysgoby’s last blog post..working in the dungeon

  4. So Glad your safe Jenny! I spent the morning here in Beautiful Sunny San Francisco entertaining my friends with your story about the squirrel in Ritz Cracker box over brunch…which was probably not the best story to tell while eating…

    Miss you SO SO SO MUCH!

  5. The wall is a great idea. I always thought they could make a giant wind machine that would blow it back out to sea. Over and over til the end of time. Or at least until it grew to the size of a hemisphere and killed us all.

    So glad to hear that you’re all okay and that your house and cats are okay. Don’t worry about the cats. They’re finicky anyway. Tomorrow they’ll love you again!

    Wendy’s last blog post..Just Resting. Not Quitting.

  6. i’ve been wondering how you were doing, so i am in the camp of “THANK GOODNESS she posted!”.

    don’t ask me why i care of worry, it’s just what stalkers do.

    didn’t they find out that ulcers were a bacterial issue? if your husband’s been helping out sick ppl, it’s all their fault.

    you have great friends!

    piglet’s last blog post..what happened on twitter while i was away

  7. Writing a post on a PHONE???? The humanity!!!!! Don’t worry – sit tight -I’m going to start up a relief fund STAT. And a walk-a-thon. And one of those dinner thingys where everyone brings you a casserole each night. You should NOT have to go through this alone.

    HappyHourSue’s last blog post..Big Bang Bucket List

  8. Glad you’re safe. And seriously, if we can fly to the moon why the ef can’t we beat mother nature? I’ll be happy with hurricane season is over.

    Fit Bottomed Girls’s last blog post..What are your fitness inspirations?

  9. I couldn’t do it, coming from CA. We did have a little jolt a month ago, which probably scared the shit out of the transplants and tourists. But definitely long overdue to get our housing market back in shape.

    Glad you and your home are fine.

    Love your blog!

    Tech-Babe’s last blog post..Love thy Neighbor

  10. I’m glad that you’re all ok! Wait, this isn’t just some elaborate excuse why the Good Mom/Bad Mom BS Sunday is going to be late this week, is it?

    Marinka’s last blog post..A Basic Primer on Russia: Lesson One

  11. Hooray…Jenny pulls through! What would we do without you? *smooch* Glad all is well.

    Tracey’s last blog post..Me: Close Up

  12. I used to live in Houston, loved it except for the whole weather thing, and the fucking hurricanes, And the bugs…they are like mini helicopters but not as cute. SO I am back in my hometown of Ca. where all I have to deal with is Hollywood weirdos, earthquakes and my mother. Fucking delicious situation I tell you. Seriously, glad you are fine.

    insane mama’s last blog post..I’m A Pouty Genius

  13. Cats are dumb.

    Black Hockey Jesus’s last blog post..Value

  14. My condolences on your spellcheckless phone. I have the same problem blogging from my iphone, and it royally pisses me off.

    My condolences also on your bleeding husband. This should probably rank above the spellcheckless phone, but I’m trying to not encourage the ulcer.

    But most importantly, I await photos of the skydiving orgasms.

    Amy Derby’s last blog post..Hey Look! It’s Saturday! (and I got a present)

  15. Yay! I’m really glad to hear your house and kitties are okay. And I’m really glad to get a Jenny post, too. You know how us crazies like our routines! 😉

    WhenSheWorePonytails’s last blog post..Is it tomatoes or tomatos? I wish I could ask Dan Kwayle.

  16. I’m in the “THANK GOD! I’VE BEEN SO WORRIED!” group and I don’t even know you. That’s just weird.

  17. Now, Electric Hurricane Windows? That’s innovation.

    Trademark it now, I say!

  18. Every single time I read one of your posts I want to comment, but by the time I get done laughing out loud, the only thing I can ever think is “This girl is fucking hilarious.”

    Awesome cure for hurricanes though. Send that idea to Homeland Security and tell them to hurry the hell up with it!

    Cassie’s last blog post..Thoughts

  19. Butch up, woman! It’s raining in Michigan and you don’t hear me whining about my leaking damn roof. Wait, does that qualify as whining? I retract my statement. Glad everything’s okay.

    Middle-Aged-Woman’s last blog post..I Want to Have the Coen Bros. Baby(s)

  20. I’m part of the one-third (Ahem.) that is so very glad you’re alive. In between my twins yelling, “We’re having a birfday party??? Today??? Wif pwesents??? Yippee!” I was thinking about you. Seriously. No shit. I’m glad you’re OK.

    And that hurricane cure? All the scientists are in Switzerland whizzing particles around a giant collider, creating black holes and the apocalypse. Yep. Too busy for hurricane cures.

    Coal Miner’s Granddaughter’s last blog post..Silent Saturday 13: New Math = WTF?

  21. I don’t think Mother Teresa would complain about spellcheck. Then again, she probably never lived through a hurricane. Just those lame monsoons.

    mayberry’s last blog post..The eleventh of never

  22. Next time Ike’s relatives come kicking their way into Houston you could also come here if you want to visit the Grassy Knoll or Billy Bob’s or some other place that you would otherwise never want to visit. Glad you are safe. Also glad your cats are OK (even though I am not a cat person) but I know you love them. Enjoy the parking lot they call a highway tomorrow.

    Now get back to regularly blogging already. Since we know your family and home survived you have no more excuses!

    Jeremy Martin’s last blog post..Dispirited region…

  23. Skydiving orgasms……that’s something I might need to try! 🙂

    Seriously…I am glad your house fared well!

    I felt the same relief when we made it through Gustav!

    I’m with you….I am SO over hurricane season!

    Queen of the Mayhem’s last blog post..I’m a Slacker

  24. You might want to wait another day just to avoid intense traffic…and enjoy whatever else there is to enjoy in San Antonio…

    Annette’s last blog post..Junk Drawer Extravaganza!

  25. Glad to hear you are OK. Enjoy the skydiving.

    Neil’s last blog post..Damn You

  26. I’m so glad that you and your cats and your home are all in one piece. And that Victor will be all in one piece soon.

    schmutzie’s last blog post..50×365 #358: Tanya

  27. Most of all I’m relieved that the cats are okay.

  28. Glad to hear you’re ok. I think the cure for a hurricane involves precision nukes. A good solution until the fallout hits.

    Jim’s last blog post..Escaping the Mower

  29. HAHA My boss just said they should build fake mountains in the gulf to stop hurricanes. I’m in Louisiana so I know about damn hurricanes. And evacuating…with dogs…and a hyped up kid…by myself…while hubby worked.

    Tiffany’s last blog post..Ike’s Bitch Slap

  30. Fucking giant squids!

    Captain Dumbass’s last blog post..Just Do It

  31. despite the sucky hurricane-evacuee-cats-at-home situation…this made me laugh like i haven’t laughed in a long time. & i think in the wake of such serious commotion (for lack of better, less rum-induced words), knowing you made some stranger laugh might make you smile. maybe. just a little. i’m glad everything is mostly okay & you’ll be going home soon. after tattoos & orgasms & skydiving of course.

  32. Jen….you’re husband snores. 🙂

  33. …sorry, that’s ‘your’ husband snores, I just got home myself….no damage YAY !!!

  34. julie, I’m very glad your house is safe and sorry my husband probably gave you tuberculosis, you trollop.

  35. Glad the home is okay.

    Talk to Russia about that window idea. They control the weather.

  36. I’m sorry, you lost me at orgasms while skydiving… That was just too fabulous an idea to not explore with my imagination…

    tracey’s last blog post..Montages make me feel better….

  37. Glad you’re okay. That’s a great idea about the big old window to protect the coast. Get a patent on it, pronto!

    Glad your home is okay. I’m sure the cats will forgive you…eventually…

    Kacey’s last blog post..Photo Fun

  38. I am so glad you’re not dead.

  39. The BEST hurricane update. Ever.

    OHmommy’s last blog post..I used to blame IT on my children…

  40. I’m happy to know you’re good and your house was spared. The power went off at my house today for, like, six seconds and I freaked the hell out and was all “Well, that’s just great! What the hell, Mother Nature?! Jesus!” but then I remembered there were other people getting it worse than me. The TV had to come back on and the fine folks at News had to prove that to me, though.

    Hope your return home is safe!

    for a different kind of girl (FADKOG)’s last blog post..things I’m pretty sure I never thought I’d say

  41. I’m so glad you’re safe and your house is okay!!! I’ve been checking your blog like a mad-woman…like I don’t have a life or something…like I should go out there and get some sort of a life because really, I don’t even know you and yet I’ve been worried about you….

    sigh.

  42. The bigger question is did the tranny lego men survive? Or did the cats turn feral and eat them?

    😉 Happy to hear you’re all okay, except for that bleeding ulcer part.

    Jane’s last blog post..On Meanings, Tyrannies, Women & Monsters

  43. Bitch, if you would stop calling me in the middle of skydiving orgasms, maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t have to throw drinks on you.

    JUST SAYIN’.

    Chookooloonks’s last blog post..obsession and coming clean

  44. Glad to hear that all is good in your “HOOD”! My hood was without power for 19ish hours and I still don’t have water, but the electricity works, and I’ve got internet, so I’m good. Have a safe trip back. IKE sucks!!!

    Greis’s last blog post..Photos of Ike…

  45. I know for a fact that tough love does in fact cure ulcers. And broken arms. Ask my husband. He broke his arm and I was all, “Suck it up, wuss. It doesn’t hurt that bad.” And like two years later he was better. His thumb is permanently stuck in the hitchhike position, but he gets by.

    Glad you are OK.

    blissfully caffeinated’s last blog post..They Call Me Frankendoodle…

  46. Hooray! I’m happy to hear that all will be well. How great that you have power. I have a stepsister in Houston and they don’t have power. But no trees fell on their house or cars, so I guess that’s more important.

    Stimey’s last blog post..Ugh. And Hot. And Ugh. But Robots!

  47. So glad you and your home survived! And the cats. My Mom is in downtown Houston and is also one of the lucky few who has electric and internets, but no cable. WTF? Just kidding, who needs TV as long as you have internets!

    ballerinatoes’s last blog post..Galveston Oh Galveston

  48. Well. I firmly believe that you should be in charge of Disaster Reporting of Disaster Recovery from here on out. Hurricane Electronic Windows? Indeed.

    cagey’s last blog post..Can you talk to me?

  49. Glad you’re safe! Have a safe trip home and get back to writing tout de suite. We’ve missed you.

    anna’s last blog post..Animal Screen Print Tees By Glug Baby

  50. Glad to hear you are safe.

    domestic extraordinaire’s last blog post..French Lick sounds kinda dirty

  51. Whew! Happy for you, hon!

    Shades’s last blog post..Report

  52. Your friend is totally going to regret that tattoo—you can find a good ink man, and a good skydiving instructor, but try to find one who does both while you’re getting your freak on? Impossible.

    On the other hand, it’s better than driving back to Houston.

  53. My phone doesn’t even take pictures.

    Tootsie Farklepants’s last blog post..All In Good Fun

  54. 54
    ThePeopleGeek

    Twitter is making these things feel very local. Glad you are safe.

  55. I’m so relieved your sense of humor stays intact in times of peril.

    Aimee Greeblemonkey’s last blog post..Last Day of Being Five

  56. I am glad you guys are ok and have relatively little damage!

    Jo~Jo’s last blog post..Let’s Go Bengals!

  57. Glad you’re okay and I thought up a horse pill years ago that would be thrown into the hurricane over open waters and dissolve it within hours, but they wanted research and studies and actual schooling to back it up, and I was lazy and didn’t want to miss the Roundhouse marathon on Nickolodeon back when it was must see tv, so I let the project go. So, I guess you could blame this storm on me then, huh?

    Sprite’s Keeper’s last blog post..Napoleon Complex

  58. We haven’t cured hurricanes cause it gives men excuses to buy power tools. And beer.

    Like how no one has cured periods cause it gives men a reason to bitch. And buy beer.

    And the common cold. Again, the beer thing.

    Damn men. We need to cure beer methinks.

    (and glad all is OK, thought I better say that lest people think I am heartless. Or drunk. One may be true)

    Kelley’s last blog post..8 minute shower.

  59. Oh, for god’s sake, Kelley said it best for sure. I’ve been in the most foul mood today, it’s amazing a murder or a “manslaughter” hasn’t occurred at my house today, and I’m like 3500 ft above sea level! WTF? YOU are my hero!

    Candace’s last blog post..Reflecting, losing weight, and advice. Need some.

  60. “Fucking-A!”

    YAY!!!! I’m so relieved you’re all okay. And slightly guilty for laughing about such a serious topic, but of course that’s YOUR fault.

    Much love to you all.

    Lesley’s last blog post..I Am Too Damn Busy Baking Pies And Wearing Aprons And Hand-Washing Laundry To Understand “Sports”

  61. very happy to hear you are safe on account of Madness is way too lazy to find another blogger who is THIS FUCKING HILARIOUS!! (also too lazy to spellcheck on a laptop) eh.
    Love
    Madness`

  62. Glad to hear all is well. More glad my husband turned down the transfer to Houston this last spring.

  63. Glad to hear everything’s ok! And not many people can make a serious topic funny but you did!

    gingela5’s last blog post..One Sentence…

  64. Glad you are ok!

    anne nahm’s last blog post..This Week’s Stupid Things I Cried About Countdown

  65. your cats deserve to hate you. i’ve contacted animal services. you, you, cat abandoner.

  66. Glad you’re ok and your house too. Are you going to give Victor a band-aid for his ulcer?

    Lady M’s last blog post..And to Think They Flew All the Way There Just to Evacuate

  67. Oh, oh! I know why we haven’t cured hurricanes! Having lived in Virginia (a hurricane area) and then Southern California (a non-hurricane area) I can tell you, for a fact, that hurricanes exist to force people to make repairs on their homes. Seriously, Cali had some serious shacks going on down there, and VA never looked that bad! Plus, those hurricane force winds knock off all those dead palm tree branches that turn brown and just hang there and look so unsightly. So, see, without hurricanes we would all live in ugly dumps with dead looking palm trees in the yard. You should be THANKING those hurricanes for doing such a public service! (I’m being insensitive, aren’t I? That’s what you get from a girl who lived in an area where hurricanes ALWAYS turned into harmless tropical storms before landfall!)

    Jen@Happily-Ever-After-Land’s last blog post..If you LOVE ME you’ll do this…..

  68. Whew. I am glad that your o.k. and I enjoyed the discription.

    heather’s last blog post..Hello, my name is Heather and I have SAHM mom friends.

  69. description. D’oh.

    heather’s last blog post..Hello, my name is Heather and I have SAHM mom friends.

  70. hey, yeah, sorry about all the bullshit with the phones and ulcers and all, but i am glad you’re alive.

    who else would validate my love of drinking to excess?

    xo

    b.

    just beth’s last blog post..Fuck Off Friday!

  71. Oh! I so didn’t know you live in Houston! So did my daughter, but…oh long story. She is going to return maybe Monday.

    I think they can cure the ulcer thing with antibiotics now. Isn’t it odd that anyone would actually get an ulcer with the way we over use antibiotics, but I’m sure that is true.

    I’ve had phone conversations like that with a few friends and am so glad to know we aren’t the only ones who get weird.

    AmberStar’s last blog post..Picking up the pieces

  72. The cats being pissed is all my fault. I forgot to pray about them.

    Whoopsies.

  73. Glad you’re okay! And in typically rare form.

    LiteralDan’s last blog post..Tinkle, tinkle, little star

  74. I am also a refugee riding out the storm in San Antonio. I was wondering what that lady’s problem was on the train around the zoo. Actually I rode that yesterday after the tea gardens so that couldn’t have been you. If you decide to stay one more day come floating down the river with me…At least you know that your house is there. I haven’t heard yet.

  75. Thank God!

    Lotta’s last blog post..This is how we do it.

  76. Frankly, I’m just grateful there were no dogs involved this time. Or dog diseases. You my friend have one bad ass guardian angel.

    Lotta’s last blog post..This is how we do it.

  77. I fucking hope you have your confidence wig!! Makes any shelter awesome. But your giant roll-up wall has nothing on my GIANT SPACE TUBE. Make it part of NASA, you know? Just funnel the whole hurricane into the tube (easy!) which points up into SPACE and use it to shoot rockets into orbit. Use some spare politicians for astronauts — we’ve got a surplus. YAY! Drinks all around.

  78. Oh, so you’re from that Houston!
    Love the hurricane window idea, you should apply for a grant to develop it, think of all the beer money.

    Mr Farty’s last blog post..Computer Terms Illustrated #3

  79. I think my parents in Key West would appreciate your hurricane wall idea. Seems like at this point they’d come up with something better than evacuation and boarded up windows…

    Glad that you are safe and on your way back home!

    Kate’s last blog post..People DO that?

  80. This won’t be witty because I haven’t had coffee yet this morning, but I am very glad you and your are fine, and I’ve been haunting Twitter hoping to find out news. And I hope the Brownies come and clean your house tonight while you’re sleeping. That would be awesome.

    MommyTime’s last blog post..Laugh Track

  81. Actually, I think you wall window idea is brilliant, I just hope they can build it quickly and not get slowed down by the ludicrous environmental codes, gravity or pesky sea life.

    brittany’s last blog post..The Scarlet Letter

  82. We haven’t been that worried. We’ve only been extremely bored. Remember, our will to live depends on you (no pressure).

    Classical Chick’s last blog post..Not a blog post

  83. I was worried. I just traveled for fun evacuated to Germany and when I came back all my bloggy Houston friends hadn’t posted anything. I was like, WTH? Where are y’all? Then I watched the news and apparently there was some storm or something. Wusses. Can’t post without electricity.

    Kylie’s last blog post..For Pamela

  84. Victor is just lucky he has you and your tough love to save him.

    Karen’s last blog post..Reprinted with permission

  85. How *DARE* Victor try to upstage your spell-checkless phone tragedy with an ulcer.

    xoxo, ShallowGal

  86. Glad you and your family are ok and that I’ll still get to read your blog everyday because it makes me laugh out loud each and everytime. Because it’s all about me, right?

    I think you’re on to something with those scientists. If they can make a computer the size of my palm, then certainly they can get rid of the hurricanes! Drive safely.

  87. 88
    ColetteNicole

    I am very glad you,your family, your cats, and your stuff are all safe but purely for selfish reasons. I just started reading your blog a week or two ago and really I feel you owe me a at least a few more posts. Grief and home repair and all that jazz would really limit your blogging time.

  88. whoop.. i’m alive too. Seriously, we had those stupid floods and tornadoes (iowa) a couple months ago and you don’t see me whining on my blog! (oh.. i started my new blog after that..) Of course… we didn’t have to evacuate (we’re a good 2-3mi from the flood plain). and who let you have cats?? can’t believe you just left them like that.. sheesh, they’ll adopt animals to anyone these days…

    blah blah blah… anyway, glad to hear you’re ok and shit.

    churchpunkmom’s last blog post..Flatfoot 56 – Loaded Gun

  89. I cured hurricanes by moving to Jersey, now if I can just cure “the Jersey”

    furiousball’s last blog post..baseball and Spanning Sync

  90. pssssst. Have ya seen my friend Sally? I’ve been looking all over for her. That fucking Ike.

    Vodkamom’s last blog post..Well said, AGAIN…

  91. hurricanes do nice things to your writing. I like it.

    Or maybe it was being drunk and displaced in San Antonio?

    Rhea’s last blog post..Sunday Somethings

  92. Oh, crap! Does Victor understand the part about no alcohol in his future yet?

  93. Glad everything is okay, Jenny.
    You should totally send in that sea wall idea to the hurricane people. They just aren’t creative like that, so they must need the help. It takes a Texan, I guess, since I hear they do everything big down there!

    kittenpie’s last blog post..Lessons at Lunch

  94. Skydiving orgasms? I should get me one of those too ;-p

    the constantly dramatic one’s last blog post..The New Retro

  95. You should stay and have drunk skydiving orgasms too. When will you ever have a chance to do experience that again?

    And get a tatoo on your ass that says “Don’t Mess with Tex-Ass.”

    JenK’s last blog post..Grasping the last visions of summer

  96. Glad you’re okay! Sorry about your yard suddenly growing some extra shingles. Maybe you can avoid the cleanup by passing them off as modern art.

    ali’s last blog post..“There is creative reading as well as creative writing.” –Emerson

  97. I was actually worried about you. Glad you’re ok!

    So what, now I have to worry about Victor?

    Jeff’s last blog post..Dear Diary – The Harlequin Edition

  98. I, like everyone else that has commented, am glad you are OK, with minimal damage to your home and pets.

    Found you through White Trash Mom, and I’m glad I did. Not leaving anytime soon, and I’ll try not to lurk..although I can’t promise that!

    Anjie’s last blog post..I’m a blog hopper too

  99. Glad you’re on the way home. I’ve been wondering all weekend. (Sorry this isn’t funny, I was worried about all of you down that way.)

    Headless Mom’s last blog post..Just Curious-Parenting Tip

  100. The cure is this. Move off the dang hurricane-infested coast line.

    I hear Wasilla, AK, is lovely. Excellent library.

    Glad your still with us. Cheers!

    always home and uncool’s last blog post..Soccer Coach? But I Hardly Know Him!

  101. I am also in San Antonio, but we left after we lost power, and part of our roof! I’m so glad you’re ok- glad you left with H- it was a scary storm.

    SpondyGirl’s last blog post..We survived.

  102. Glad you are safe and sound, girlie.

    qt’s last blog post..Emerald City Updates

  103. Chiming in with yet another highly unoriginal but freakishly sincere I’m-so-relieved-to-hear-that-you’re-home, in-a-home-that-is-still-standing.

    And for what it’s worth, I think shingles are a perfectly acceptable variation of yard flair. Flowers on the roof? Well, I’ll make an exception. This time.

  104. A mosquito bit me on my back in that spot that you can’t reach if you reach up and over or down and up….talk about your tragedies!

    I’ll email you my address so you can send me a sympathy card.

    Anissa@Hope4Peyton’s last blog post..This is NOT what I signed up for!

  105. the orange stuff on the ground is the best thing about your pic. ((wink))
    glad you’re ok and you got an awesome blog out of the whole ordeal.

    Mz. Nesbit’s last blog post..My Poosah is crazy

  106. Shuttered…

    By Jenny (bloggess and mom of almost 4 yr old) Today should be BS Sunday, a day to appreciate the amazing writing around Blogoslavakia, but today I’m absolutely gutted from this damn hurricane and I don’t even think Mindy is……

  107. Fuck, I would hate to be the one cleaning that up.

    Elisa’s last blog post..Blogger, interrupted.

  108. I’m so glad you guys have power. I thought on your side of town you were more likely to have problems, and I’m so glad it was minimal. Oddly, my parents don’t have power yet.

    Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..The Name’s the Game!

  109. I’m glad you guys were able to go back home!

    Erin’s last blog post..Heel.

  110. Yeah, that hurricane wall sounds like a good idea — once upon a time our ENTIRE FUCKING TOWN FLOODED and they got smart and built some giant walls or something, I’m not really sure how it works, but they’re called Flood Walls and they keep the river from infringing on our quaint little towns. Of course, all that flooding action happened in 1932 and the highlight of the flood was some bloke put his cow on the balcony on the second floor so it wouldn’t drown. HOORAY!

  111. Victor can get Workman’s Comp for the ulcers, and you can for the stress of blogging at the zoo w/out spellcheck, so now you are both on Easy Street. Hopefully the debris on Easy Street is invisible, or else you were ripped off about the “Easy” part.

    Deb on the Rocks’s last blog post..Riding in my pink cadillac with Mary Kay

  112. So you are suffering from shingles.
    I actually had to talk to my neighbors. Awkward. They have been studiously avoiding us since we moved in – I suspect a few f-bombs floated over their fence early on and they haven’t forgiven us. Of course, now that we no longer have a fence….

    Glad you and your home are safe!

    Sophie, Inzaburbs’s last blog post..Wrapping Up on Ike

  113. So glad you’re okay! I worried. Yay, you’re a survivor. Welcome back!

    jenboglass’s last blog post..The Friday Five (Belated and with Interest)

  114. so jealous you and chookooloonks are friends….seriously, why are all the cool ppl from houston?

    krista’s last blog post..Chicken-on-a-stick!

  115. So glad to hear you are all doing well & your home made it through also!

    Mother Musings’s last blog post..I remember

  116. Phew! Hurricanes really aren’t all that much fun…

    YOU managed to walk away with two awards on my blog. Come and get them!

    Sayre’s last blog post..No Fun Monday – but I got these!!!!

  117. Rest assured, if something had happened to you, we would all have banded together in a Jim Morrison style wake and built a massive Bloggess memorial. Centuries later, people would fight great wars and write even greater poetry for you. There would be legal battles around Bloggess Creationists and Bloggess Evolutionists. We would fight the good fight in your name. But luckily, nothing happened so we will all just continue on living and leave it to the pop-culture historians to make stuff up.

    Sleep Deprivation Ninja’s last blog post..100 Word Challenge: Twist

  118. Glad you were able to get back to Houston. Being of the League City citizens, I’m still hanging out at my dads waiting for the call from husband (also had to stay in Houston for Ike)to say we have power and I can return home.

    Jessie’s last blog post..Well, that was windy…

  119. I’m glad that your home and that your home is standing.

    We went without water and power for forty-eight hours. I’m much more grateful for the modern amenities that make my life so much easier.

    Jenifer’s last blog post..Over…

  120. I’ve always said that I would never skydive, but if THAT is the result then I am TOTALLY IN! I mean out… of the plane.

    Vanessa’s last blog post..Third Times a Charm???

  121. I’m glad you made it home ok and had minimal damage. Being an evacuee sucks BIG TIME and makes you do kooky things like cry in the middle of Target, and you’re not really worried anyone will see you. They really should make a t-shirt that says “Step Back, I’m an evacuee and have frazzled nerves”. Yes, we must cure hurricanes. Glad you’re safe, keep hanging in there…..

  122. I am glad you’re okay, obviously, and even gladder that you took the time to phone in such hilarity.

    Jay’s last blog post..Warm September Rain

  123. Excellent News! I can’t wait to read your translation of Victor’s adventure during the hurricane!

    Jenn’s last blog post..The Sky Is Falling

  124. Al Gore told me in a dream that the cure to hurricanes is to stop using gas and electricity.

    Marsha’s last blog post..Hurricane Ike

  125. Hurricanes must suck. We don’t have hurricanes. We have like a ton of murderers in Criminal People Kill A Lot Capital in South Africa so pretty much when we get home and blog in the morning people are like “Shit! I’m so relieved, he drove out at night and was alive the next die and in the same place he woke up the day before” – I’m a daredevil. For serious. It’s like frightening. Like hurricanes.

    Let’s all get tattoos of orgasms skydiving over orange floors as a celebration that we can carry on living.

    JL’s last blog post..So, like, I have no closure and then the other movie was really lame.

  126. Although there is nothing left for me to say that hasn’t already been covered in the preceding 124 comments, I just had to add to the chorus. I’m glad you’re okay and that your demented sense of humor is still in tact!

  127. I’m glad you’re ok!

    -R-‘s last blog post..Least Exciting Update Ever

  128. Well everytime I cough I get the hiccups. You think YOU have problems? I mean, there’s no blood involved, but whatever.

    Oops, I meant to say, “That really sucks about the damage and all that.”

    But where can I get some drunk orgasmic skydiving lessons? That’s worth a hurricane. I’ll take two, please.

    autumn dahlia’s last blog post..Work schmirk.

  129. I’m glad you’re okay.

    BTW, we USED to have a big wall that blocked hurricanes. It was called The Brazilian Rainforest.

    Laura Moncur’s last blog post..By: Tara Dunion

  130. Been there, done that. I’m in New Orleans and can totally relate to the suckage that is hurricane season.

    Glad you’re ok.

    Karen’s last blog post..NO more drama

  131. Glad you’re ok.
    Yes a hurricane cure is needed. We live on the gulf coast too and were able to breathe a huge sigh of relief with this one. Although it kind of sucks because that just means that someone else is going to have to deal with the d*mn thing.
    Hope everyone you know is ok too.

    dianna’s last blog post..Taj Mahal…getting there

  132. 133
    somethingclever

    Instead of building a fence to keep people from Mexico out of the U.S., G-dub should’ve said he was building a hurricane-proof fence. To keep out hurricanes. Because then what’s Kanye gonna say? “George Bush doesn’t like hurricanes?” Except we all know George Bush *does* like hurricanes. Scientists, too. Otherwise, why wouldn’t they have put up a fucking hurricane-proof fence by now??

  133. So glad you came through it all okay. And typing an entire post on your PHONE?!? THAT’s dedication.

    mommypie’s last blog post..It’s all about the little things.

  134. Woo hoo! This hurricane stuff is good for a snow day. Bad for my sanity.

  135. I was very, very worried. We saw the news at a bar (was away from Internet all weekend) and Dave told the random barfly, “Maggie has friends down there!” and I didn’t even correct him for once with a shrugging, “Internet friends.” Because I was worried about you just the same as I would have been worried about my friend Deb in Arizona, who I know in real life but is no less dear to me than you, a girl I’ve never met but love.

    Maggie, dammit’s last blog post..up for air

  136. Okay, I only read ~110 comments, but Jenny, that is NOT a flagpole. It has 500,000 volt electric lines attached to it. Hopefully, it’s leaning away from your house. If not, please consider spending a few days @ Karen’s house, or anyone else’s house that doesn’t live underneath those electric lines.

    Okay, now that I’m finished sounding like your mother (hmmm, how could that be possible??), where do I sign up to have skydiving orgasms?

  137. I am so glad to read you’re well and the house is intact and has power and the cats are all right and you and yours are focused on the kind of thing that really matters: orgasms while skydiving.

    AV Flox’s last blog post..Old Media’s Foray Into New Media: A Cautionary Tale

  138. glad you (and your family and pets!) are okay. 🙂

    Maxie’s last blog post..my weekend rocked/sucked.

  139. I love that you left the cats to swim for it.

    CarolynOnline’s last blog post..Does this bow make me look fat?

  140. Glad you are without harm. I love the part about muting Victor, that was great.

    I was supposed to fly to the US on Sunday and my connecting flight was in Houston. Well, I’m not in the US, still here in Costa Rica. Flight canceled.

    Too many fucking Hurricanes, I hate them.

    ~ Jim

    Jim Gaudet’s last blog post..‘It’s spelled F-O-O-T-B-A-L-L not F-Ú-T-B-O-L’

  141. 142
    Just A. Reader

    Glad to hear you’re alive and well. Have you counted your cats’ toes? Do cats’ toes have nine lives? These are the kinds of eternal questions that we face at times like this.

  142. the cure for hurricanes is vodka. were you not sent the memo?

    so happy to hear you are ok. was starting to wonder.

    love the tough love concept. perhaps if he starts to have seizures you can tell him to stop being so dramatic. (have you ever seen the movie harold and maude?)

    amyz5’s last blog post..Don’t worry, I am still alive

  143. Gak! (that’s the sound the cats will make as they throw up on your pillow because they are pissed at you) it is also the sound I made as I saw that picture, and realized what you all had been through. Glad you are ok!!

    I would send *you chocolate, but it would melt before it got there, so I am eating it in your name, instead. Don’t worry, you’ll enjoy it.

    <3 T.

    T@SendChocolate’s last blog post..I’ve Got a Fever…

  144. 145
    I can't read my nametag

    Glad you’re safe and as unsound as ever. One thought: Isn’t skydiving sort of like a gravity-driven, vertical hurricane simulation? This gives me an idea. Perhaps the solution to hurricanes isn’t building a big retractable wall, but making sure everyone who lives on the coast has a working parachute and a launching pad on their roof. Sure, folks living inland might freak out at the inevitable Red Dawn-like paratrooperial invasion blown up from the coast, but it would give inlanders a reason to shout “Wolverines!” and that would be totally cool.

  145. So glad you you guys are ok! Sorry that your cats now hate you, but Victor is right they will get over it, but probably only if you buy them something!

    SmugMarried’s last blog post..My Sister Warned Me There Would Be Nights Like This!

  146. you want to cure us of hurricanes? really?

    aren’t orgasm sort of like hurricanes for the body?

    i’d rather not find a cure for that.

    missburrows’s last blog post..Contribute to the good of others

  147. Drinking….that’s how I get through national disasters, too.

    shonda’s last blog post..Touch My Train and I Will Kill You

  148. Glad you’re okay! Oh, and btw, skydiving orgasms are real. I’ve totally had that conversation, more than once. I have the tattoos to prove it 😉

  149. I’m so glad you are okay!

    Elizabeth’s last blog post..How to get emergency cash quick

  150. I’m so happy to hear from you. Honestly, the lack of crude humor from my daily life was sending me into a severe depression driven by positive thoughts.

    But honestly, I’m grateful that you and your family are safe and if I lived in Texas, I would help you sweep the orange shit off of your street.

    My tip: Avoid the leaning light poles.

    Best wishes for the recovery in Texas.

    erin’s last blog post..September 11th, 7 Years Later

  151. I’ll get right on it.

    The curing hurricanes thing, that is. God – it should be easier than this, you guys are getting hammered. It isn’t fair.

  152. I lived in tornado alley, basically, from 0-16. Then moved to earthquake row, where I have done 16-56. I prefer living with earthquakes as they are highly unpredictable and don’t include much water. I hate water disasters. They always mean mud and mold. Yuk! And when you add wind… I think that people who live in hurricane circle are really insanely brave!!! Glad to know that you and yours are home and well.

    La Framéricaine’s last blog post..Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Drink The Water…

  153. I’m glad you and your family are okay. Things can be rebuilt but people can’t. I can’t imagine the devasation and seeing your neighorhood in shambles. I hope to hear good stories from you soon. Now let’s get pissed and go skydiving!

    Kile’s last blog post..She should be in sales

  154. My dad told me that when he was growing up in Corpus, they used to theorize that one day they could use atomic bombs to stop hurricanes.

    Yeah. A-bombs. Good one.

    I’m glad you’re ok!

  155. I have to confess that my first reaction was “She lives in Texas?”

    Steve’s last blog post..Scientists discover 120 million year-old ant

  156. So glad you’re back and all is pretty good 🙂

    Lazy Crazy Mama’s last blog post..The Pigs Have Flown

  157. I read this post three times (looking for an update to your site) and JUST now understood what you meant when you said, “half of you are like this girl can’t do math”. Half+half+half=you stumped me.

    js’s last blog post..The Lost One

  158. WOLVERINES!!!!!!!!!!

  159. I’m glad to hear you and your home are in good shape. Too bad about those ulcers, tho. I tried the tough love on myself and that seemed to work. Just restrict everything from your diet except some soy and he’ll be fine. A little yelling never hurt anybody.

    Sara’s last blog post..Dirty Little Boys

  160. Ok…so did anyone else see this?

  161. I’m very glad you’re okay. I was going to comment yesterday, but got caught up in your photos on Flickr. They’re very mesmerizing and I completely forgot to come back and comment. Must be the fucking squirrel army from the church of squirrels. In any case, very glad you are ok, love the photos, come move to L.A. if you get tired of hurricanes and need a change. We can put you up but i doubt we will take in the transvestite army. Tiny Tony Orlandos scare me.

  162. I’m really glad you are all okay. The world cannot afford to lose your geniusness. (yeah, that’s not a word- but I’m not on your level yet!)

    Kate’s last blog post..What The Heck Man?!?! OR Karma is REALLY PISSED at me

  163. Glad you’re all OK!

    I want to know why hurricanes seem to be worse than they used to be. Or maybe that is because I’m older and more mature and actually watch the news now instead of cartoons. Sometimes.

    Kristabella’s last blog post..Drunken Birthday Extravaganza

  164. Happy (sort of) homecoming. What an ordeal, but it could of been worse. As far as curing hurricanes??….we seem to only be making them worse. If you believe Mr. Gore. And I do.

    Dating Trooper’s last blog post..BWE

  165. Jenny – maybe your boss was right, and those were baby Sasquatches that attacked you in the parking lot. Do you have a pistol you could carry for self-defense? OTOH, TheBloggess packing heat… not a good idea, I am thinking.

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Waiting for the end – again (sigh)

  166. Jenny – your CommentLuv is acting flaky, again.

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Waiting for the end – again (sigh)

  167. Glad you are back and weren’t hurt by the storm. I would think, that in a battle of wits… you would rip that hurricane a new one. Yup.

    And the picture… that’s not storm damage. That’s the front yard of a frat house after homecoming weekend. I just know it.

    Am I right? Do I get the prize?? LOL.

    Blessings!
    Lacy

    RazorFamilyFarms.com’s last blog post..A Tour of the Chicken-Children

  168. Hi, I found your blog on this new directory of WordPress Blogs at blackhatbootcamp.com/listofwordpressblogs. I dont know how your blog came up, must have been a typo, i duno. Anyways, I just clicked it and here I am. Your blog looks good. Have a nice day. James.

  169. Glad your house made it through the storm and you guys too.

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Hump Day Humor: Corn Nuts Commercial

  170. I’m so glad you’re OK too. You should totally move to Milwaukee – hello, Forbes Most Drunken City!! And we don’t have to deal with any of that hurricane or earthquake shit. The 108″ of snow we got last winter was a fluke. For sure.

  171. Jenny! I made it home and have power. Still no internet or cable TV so if you want to invite me over, I’ll be there with vodka in 5!

    imelda’s last blog post.._MG_4061 [Flickr]

  172. Thank GOD! I was SO WORRIED!
    Are you sure it was the contaminated water that did you in? ‘Cause the last time I was in San Antonio we ate at this neat looking Mexican place on the Riverwalk that turned out to be not so neat and we all got food poisoning. I blanked on the name of the place which is probably okay because it’s probably not there anymore since this was in 1968 and I was just a kid anyway so names of places like that kinda disappeared with all those brain cells I killed later in life.

    Anyway. Im just sayin’. Might not have been the water.

    Mojo’s last blog post..Thematic Photographic 16: “Nature” (v.2.0)

  173. the problem with reading your blog is that I can’t drink anything while doing it because it all comes out my nose..which while cleansing..can be painful. As most cleansing are…

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