Hurrication: All I never wanted (updated again)

in Giant squid are chasing me, NOT dismembered baby feet, phoning it in, Random Crap, terrible titles

Hi.  I’m alive.  I know, half of you are all “THANK GOD!  I’VE BEEN SO WORRIED!” and the other half are all “Big whoop, so am I” and the other half are like “this girl can’t do math” but I’ve been in San Antonio playing the part of a hurricane refugee, which basically means I drink a lot and walk around looking lost and telling random strangers my pathetic plight while I’m in the line for the zoo trolley.  Also, I have to write everything (including this) on my phone and I keep losing service and screaming “Why me, God?!” and then the strangers around me think I just found out that my house exploded and then I have to just walk away because if I tell them I’m just upset because I can’t figure out how to spellcheck my blog with my phone they are probably going to feel much less sorry for me.   Anyway, Victor is part of the disaster ride-out team at work and he was just released to leave and check on our house and so he just called and was all “I’m home!  And we have power!  And very little damage!  And I have the cats and they hate you but they’ll get over it!” and I was so fucking relieved I literally cried.  Then he mentioned something about coughing up blood and having to go to ER but I muted my phone then because I didn’t want him to spoil the mood.*

So tomorrow Hailey and I are going to drive back to Houston which will probably take about 8 million hours and I suggested caravanning back with my friend who I won’t name, but her blog rhymes with Bookooloonks, but she was all “We’re going to stay an extra day to get tattoos.  And skydive.  And have orgasms.  I’m too drunk to drive.  You’re boring.  Stop calling me.  Who gave you this number?”  Then she called me fat and threw a drink on me.  Which was weird because we were on the phone with each other.  That’s how drunk she was.**

Also, I’d like to ask a quick question:  WHY THE FUCK HAVEN’T WE CURED HURRICANES YET?  Like seriously, I’m pretty sure all we need is an enormous wall hidden deep below the coast that can be rolled up like a giant electric car window.  I came up with that in about 8 seconds.  Why don’t we have these yet?  Fuck you too, scientists. 

*Victor’s fine.  They think it’s just an ulcer and I’m pretty sure it can be cured by tough love.  Asking him about it just encourages the ulcer.  I’m not sure that’s true but that’s my assumption.

**I love Chookooloonks and most of that conversation didn’t actually happen at all.  Except the part about her being drunk and having skydiving orgasms.  That part was totally true.

Updated:  Home.  Exhausted.  Snapped a picture of the front of our subdivision.  That long thing is a flag-pole.  The green thing is a tree.  The orange stuff on the ground is orange stuff on the ground.  Who left all these shingles on my lawn?

Updated again:  I think it’s Thursday?  Terribly sick.  Think it’s the flu or I’m sick from contaminated water.  Be back soon.

Comment of the day:  I know for a fact that tough love does in fact cure ulcers. And broken arms. Ask my husband. He broke his arm and I was all, “Suck it up, wuss. It doesn’t hurt that bad.” And like two years later he was better. His thumb is permanently stuck in the hitchhike position, but he gets by.  ~ blissfully caffeinated

174 thoughts on “Hurrication: All I never wanted (updated again)”

Read comments below or add one.

  2. Fuckin’ A and B! You are a brave people, living through such weatherz. Also, Karen is always throwing drinks on people, you don’t have to hide it from us.

  4. So Glad your safe Jenny! I spent the morning here in Beautiful Sunny San Francisco entertaining my friends with your story about the squirrel in Ritz Cracker box over brunch…which was probably not the best story to tell while eating…

    Miss you SO SO SO MUCH!

  5. The wall is a great idea. I always thought they could make a giant wind machine that would blow it back out to sea. Over and over til the end of time. Or at least until it grew to the size of a hemisphere and killed us all.

    So glad to hear that you’re all okay and that your house and cats are okay. Don’t worry about the cats. They’re finicky anyway. Tomorrow they’ll love you again!

    Wendy’s last blog post..Just Resting. Not Quitting.

  6. i’ve been wondering how you were doing, so i am in the camp of “THANK GOODNESS she posted!”.

    don’t ask me why i care of worry, it’s just what stalkers do.

    didn’t they find out that ulcers were a bacterial issue? if your husband’s been helping out sick ppl, it’s all their fault.

    you have great friends!

    piglet’s last blog post..what happened on twitter while i was away

  7. Writing a post on a PHONE???? The humanity!!!!! Don’t worry – sit tight -I’m going to start up a relief fund STAT. And a walk-a-thon. And one of those dinner thingys where everyone brings you a casserole each night. You should NOT have to go through this alone.

    HappyHourSue’s last blog post..Big Bang Bucket List

  9. I couldn’t do it, coming from CA. We did have a little jolt a month ago, which probably scared the shit out of the transplants and tourists. But definitely long overdue to get our housing market back in shape.

    Glad you and your home are fine.

    Love your blog!

    Tech-Babe’s last blog post..Love thy Neighbor

  12. I used to live in Houston, loved it except for the whole weather thing, and the fucking hurricanes, And the bugs…they are like mini helicopters but not as cute. SO I am back in my hometown of Ca. where all I have to deal with is Hollywood weirdos, earthquakes and my mother. Fucking delicious situation I tell you. Seriously, glad you are fine.

    insane mama’s last blog post..I’m A Pouty Genius

  14. My condolences on your spellcheckless phone. I have the same problem blogging from my iphone, and it royally pisses me off.

    My condolences also on your bleeding husband. This should probably rank above the spellcheckless phone, but I’m trying to not encourage the ulcer.

    But most importantly, I await photos of the skydiving orgasms.

    Amy Derby’s last blog post..Hey Look! It’s Saturday! (and I got a present)

  18. Every single time I read one of your posts I want to comment, but by the time I get done laughing out loud, the only thing I can ever think is “This girl is fucking hilarious.”

    Awesome cure for hurricanes though. Send that idea to Homeland Security and tell them to hurry the hell up with it!

    Cassie’s last blog post..Thoughts

  20. I’m part of the one-third (Ahem.) that is so very glad you’re alive. In between my twins yelling, “We’re having a birfday party??? Today??? Wif pwesents??? Yippee!” I was thinking about you. Seriously. No shit. I’m glad you’re OK.

    And that hurricane cure? All the scientists are in Switzerland whizzing particles around a giant collider, creating black holes and the apocalypse. Yep. Too busy for hurricane cures.

    Coal Miner’s Granddaughter’s last blog post..Silent Saturday 13: New Math = WTF?

  22. Next time Ike’s relatives come kicking their way into Houston you could also come here if you want to visit the Grassy Knoll or Billy Bob’s or some other place that you would otherwise never want to visit. Glad you are safe. Also glad your cats are OK (even though I am not a cat person) but I know you love them. Enjoy the parking lot they call a highway tomorrow.

    Now get back to regularly blogging already. Since we know your family and home survived you have no more excuses!

    Jeremy Martin’s last blog post..Dispirited region…

  23. Skydiving orgasms……that’s something I might need to try! 🙂

    Seriously…I am glad your house fared well!

    I felt the same relief when we made it through Gustav!

    I’m with you….I am SO over hurricane season!

    Queen of the Mayhem’s last blog post..I’m a Slacker

  29. HAHA My boss just said they should build fake mountains in the gulf to stop hurricanes. I’m in Louisiana so I know about damn hurricanes. And evacuating…with dogs…and a hyped up kid…by myself…while hubby worked.

    Tiffany’s last blog post..Ike’s Bitch Slap

  31. despite the sucky hurricane-evacuee-cats-at-home situation…this made me laugh like i haven’t laughed in a long time. & i think in the wake of such serious commotion (for lack of better, less rum-induced words), knowing you made some stranger laugh might make you smile. maybe. just a little. i’m glad everything is mostly okay & you’ll be going home soon. after tattoos & orgasms & skydiving of course.

  37. Glad you’re okay. That’s a great idea about the big old window to protect the coast. Get a patent on it, pronto!

    Glad your home is okay. I’m sure the cats will forgive you…eventually…

    Kacey’s last blog post..Photo Fun

  40. I’m happy to know you’re good and your house was spared. The power went off at my house today for, like, six seconds and I freaked the hell out and was all “Well, that’s just great! What the hell, Mother Nature?! Jesus!” but then I remembered there were other people getting it worse than me. The TV had to come back on and the fine folks at News had to prove that to me, though.

    Hope your return home is safe!

    for a different kind of girl (FADKOG)’s last blog post..things I’m pretty sure I never thought I’d say

  41. I’m so glad you’re safe and your house is okay!!! I’ve been checking your blog like a mad-woman…like I don’t have a life or something…like I should go out there and get some sort of a life because really, I don’t even know you and yet I’ve been worried about you….

    sigh.

  44. Glad to hear that all is good in your “HOOD”! My hood was without power for 19ish hours and I still don’t have water, but the electricity works, and I’ve got internet, so I’m good. Have a safe trip back. IKE sucks!!!

    Greis’s last blog post..Photos of Ike…

  45. I know for a fact that tough love does in fact cure ulcers. And broken arms. Ask my husband. He broke his arm and I was all, “Suck it up, wuss. It doesn’t hurt that bad.” And like two years later he was better. His thumb is permanently stuck in the hitchhike position, but he gets by.

    Glad you are OK.

    blissfully caffeinated’s last blog post..They Call Me Frankendoodle…

  47. So glad you and your home survived! And the cats. My Mom is in downtown Houston and is also one of the lucky few who has electric and internets, but no cable. WTF? Just kidding, who needs TV as long as you have internets!

    ballerinatoes’s last blog post..Galveston Oh Galveston

  52. Your friend is totally going to regret that tattoo—you can find a good ink man, and a good skydiving instructor, but try to find one who does both while you’re getting your freak on? Impossible.

    On the other hand, it’s better than driving back to Houston.

  57. Glad you’re okay and I thought up a horse pill years ago that would be thrown into the hurricane over open waters and dissolve it within hours, but they wanted research and studies and actual schooling to back it up, and I was lazy and didn’t want to miss the Roundhouse marathon on Nickolodeon back when it was must see tv, so I let the project go. So, I guess you could blame this storm on me then, huh?

    Sprite’s Keeper’s last blog post..Napoleon Complex

  58. We haven’t cured hurricanes cause it gives men excuses to buy power tools. And beer.

    Like how no one has cured periods cause it gives men a reason to bitch. And buy beer.

    And the common cold. Again, the beer thing.

    Damn men. We need to cure beer methinks.

    (and glad all is OK, thought I better say that lest people think I am heartless. Or drunk. One may be true)

    Kelley’s last blog post..8 minute shower.

  61. very happy to hear you are safe on account of Madness is way too lazy to find another blogger who is THIS FUCKING HILARIOUS!! (also too lazy to spellcheck on a laptop) eh.
    Love
    Madness`

  67. Oh, oh! I know why we haven’t cured hurricanes! Having lived in Virginia (a hurricane area) and then Southern California (a non-hurricane area) I can tell you, for a fact, that hurricanes exist to force people to make repairs on their homes. Seriously, Cali had some serious shacks going on down there, and VA never looked that bad! Plus, those hurricane force winds knock off all those dead palm tree branches that turn brown and just hang there and look so unsightly. So, see, without hurricanes we would all live in ugly dumps with dead looking palm trees in the yard. You should be THANKING those hurricanes for doing such a public service! (I’m being insensitive, aren’t I? That’s what you get from a girl who lived in an area where hurricanes ALWAYS turned into harmless tropical storms before landfall!)

    Jen@Happily-Ever-After-Land’s last blog post..If you LOVE ME you’ll do this…..

  71. Oh! I so didn’t know you live in Houston! So did my daughter, but…oh long story. She is going to return maybe Monday.

    I think they can cure the ulcer thing with antibiotics now. Isn’t it odd that anyone would actually get an ulcer with the way we over use antibiotics, but I’m sure that is true.

    I’ve had phone conversations like that with a few friends and am so glad to know we aren’t the only ones who get weird.

    AmberStar’s last blog post..Picking up the pieces

  74. I am also a refugee riding out the storm in San Antonio. I was wondering what that lady’s problem was on the train around the zoo. Actually I rode that yesterday after the tea gardens so that couldn’t have been you. If you decide to stay one more day come floating down the river with me…At least you know that your house is there. I haven’t heard yet.

  77. I fucking hope you have your confidence wig!! Makes any shelter awesome. But your giant roll-up wall has nothing on my GIANT SPACE TUBE. Make it part of NASA, you know? Just funnel the whole hurricane into the tube (easy!) which points up into SPACE and use it to shoot rockets into orbit. Use some spare politicians for astronauts — we’ve got a surplus. YAY! Drinks all around.

  80. I think my parents in Key West would appreciate your hurricane wall idea. Seems like at this point they’d come up with something better than evacuation and boarded up windows…

    Glad that you are safe and on your way back home!

    Kate’s last blog post..People DO that?

  81. This won’t be witty because I haven’t had coffee yet this morning, but I am very glad you and your are fine, and I’ve been haunting Twitter hoping to find out news. And I hope the Brownies come and clean your house tonight while you’re sleeping. That would be awesome.

    MommyTime’s last blog post..Laugh Track

  82. Actually, I think you wall window idea is brilliant, I just hope they can build it quickly and not get slowed down by the ludicrous environmental codes, gravity or pesky sea life.

    brittany’s last blog post..The Scarlet Letter

  84. I was worried. I just traveled for fun evacuated to Germany and when I came back all my bloggy Houston friends hadn’t posted anything. I was like, WTH? Where are y’all? Then I watched the news and apparently there was some storm or something. Wusses. Can’t post without electricity.

    Kylie’s last blog post..For Pamela

  87. Glad you and your family are ok and that I’ll still get to read your blog everyday because it makes me laugh out loud each and everytime. Because it’s all about me, right?

    I think you’re on to something with those scientists. If they can make a computer the size of my palm, then certainly they can get rid of the hurricanes! Drive safely.

  88. I am very glad you,your family, your cats, and your stuff are all safe but purely for selfish reasons. I just started reading your blog a week or two ago and really I feel you owe me a at least a few more posts. Grief and home repair and all that jazz would really limit your blogging time.

  89. whoop.. i’m alive too. Seriously, we had those stupid floods and tornadoes (iowa) a couple months ago and you don’t see me whining on my blog! (oh.. i started my new blog after that..) Of course… we didn’t have to evacuate (we’re a good 2-3mi from the flood plain). and who let you have cats?? can’t believe you just left them like that.. sheesh, they’ll adopt animals to anyone these days…

    blah blah blah… anyway, glad to hear you’re ok and shit.

    churchpunkmom’s last blog post..Flatfoot 56 – Loaded Gun

  94. Glad everything is okay, Jenny.
    You should totally send in that sea wall idea to the hurricane people. They just aren’t creative like that, so they must need the help. It takes a Texan, I guess, since I hear they do everything big down there!

    kittenpie’s last blog post..Lessons at Lunch

  99. I, like everyone else that has commented, am glad you are OK, with minimal damage to your home and pets.

    Found you through White Trash Mom, and I’m glad I did. Not leaving anytime soon, and I’ll try not to lurk..although I can’t promise that!

    Anjie’s last blog post..I’m a blog hopper too

  102. I am also in San Antonio, but we left after we lost power, and part of our roof! I’m so glad you’re ok- glad you left with H- it was a scary storm.

    SpondyGirl’s last blog post..We survived.

  104. Chiming in with yet another highly unoriginal but freakishly sincere I’m-so-relieved-to-hear-that-you’re-home, in-a-home-that-is-still-standing.

    And for what it’s worth, I think shingles are a perfectly acceptable variation of yard flair. Flowers on the roof? Well, I’ll make an exception. This time.

  107. Pingback: Good Mom / Bad Mom

  111. Yeah, that hurricane wall sounds like a good idea — once upon a time our ENTIRE FUCKING TOWN FLOODED and they got smart and built some giant walls or something, I’m not really sure how it works, but they’re called Flood Walls and they keep the river from infringing on our quaint little towns. Of course, all that flooding action happened in 1932 and the highlight of the flood was some bloke put his cow on the balcony on the second floor so it wouldn’t drown. HOORAY!

  113. So you are suffering from shingles.
    I actually had to talk to my neighbors. Awkward. They have been studiously avoiding us since we moved in – I suspect a few f-bombs floated over their fence early on and they haven’t forgiven us. Of course, now that we no longer have a fence….

    Glad you and your home are safe!

    Sophie, Inzaburbs’s last blog post..Wrapping Up on Ike

  118. Rest assured, if something had happened to you, we would all have banded together in a Jim Morrison style wake and built a massive Bloggess memorial. Centuries later, people would fight great wars and write even greater poetry for you. There would be legal battles around Bloggess Creationists and Bloggess Evolutionists. We would fight the good fight in your name. But luckily, nothing happened so we will all just continue on living and leave it to the pop-culture historians to make stuff up.

    Sleep Deprivation Ninja’s last blog post..100 Word Challenge: Twist

  119. Glad you were able to get back to Houston. Being of the League City citizens, I’m still hanging out at my dads waiting for the call from husband (also had to stay in Houston for Ike)to say we have power and I can return home.

    Jessie’s last blog post..Well, that was windy…

  120. I’m glad that your home and that your home is standing.

    We went without water and power for forty-eight hours. I’m much more grateful for the modern amenities that make my life so much easier.

    Jenifer’s last blog post..Over…

  122. I’m glad you made it home ok and had minimal damage. Being an evacuee sucks BIG TIME and makes you do kooky things like cry in the middle of Target, and you’re not really worried anyone will see you. They really should make a t-shirt that says “Step Back, I’m an evacuee and have frazzled nerves”. Yes, we must cure hurricanes. Glad you’re safe, keep hanging in there…..

  126. Hurricanes must suck. We don’t have hurricanes. We have like a ton of murderers in Criminal People Kill A Lot Capital in South Africa so pretty much when we get home and blog in the morning people are like “Shit! I’m so relieved, he drove out at night and was alive the next die and in the same place he woke up the day before” – I’m a daredevil. For serious. It’s like frightening. Like hurricanes.

    Let’s all get tattoos of orgasms skydiving over orange floors as a celebration that we can carry on living.

    JL’s last blog post..So, like, I have no closure and then the other movie was really lame.

  127. Although there is nothing left for me to say that hasn’t already been covered in the preceding 124 comments, I just had to add to the chorus. I’m glad you’re okay and that your demented sense of humor is still in tact!

  129. Well everytime I cough I get the hiccups. You think YOU have problems? I mean, there’s no blood involved, but whatever.

    Oops, I meant to say, “That really sucks about the damage and all that.”

    But where can I get some drunk orgasmic skydiving lessons? That’s worth a hurricane. I’ll take two, please.

    autumn dahlia’s last blog post..Work schmirk.

  132. Glad you’re ok.
    Yes a hurricane cure is needed. We live on the gulf coast too and were able to breathe a huge sigh of relief with this one. Although it kind of sucks because that just means that someone else is going to have to deal with the d*mn thing.
    Hope everyone you know is ok too.

    dianna’s last blog post..Taj Mahal…getting there

  133. Instead of building a fence to keep people from Mexico out of the U.S., G-dub should’ve said he was building a hurricane-proof fence. To keep out hurricanes. Because then what’s Kanye gonna say? “George Bush doesn’t like hurricanes?” Except we all know George Bush *does* like hurricanes. Scientists, too. Otherwise, why wouldn’t they have put up a fucking hurricane-proof fence by now??

  136. I was very, very worried. We saw the news at a bar (was away from Internet all weekend) and Dave told the random barfly, “Maggie has friends down there!” and I didn’t even correct him for once with a shrugging, “Internet friends.” Because I was worried about you just the same as I would have been worried about my friend Deb in Arizona, who I know in real life but is no less dear to me than you, a girl I’ve never met but love.

    Maggie, dammit’s last blog post..up for air

  137. Okay, I only read ~110 comments, but Jenny, that is NOT a flagpole. It has 500,000 volt electric lines attached to it. Hopefully, it’s leaning away from your house. If not, please consider spending a few days @ Karen’s house, or anyone else’s house that doesn’t live underneath those electric lines.

    Okay, now that I’m finished sounding like your mother (hmmm, how could that be possible??), where do I sign up to have skydiving orgasms?

  142. Glad to hear you’re alive and well. Have you counted your cats’ toes? Do cats’ toes have nine lives? These are the kinds of eternal questions that we face at times like this.

  143. the cure for hurricanes is vodka. were you not sent the memo?

    so happy to hear you are ok. was starting to wonder.

    love the tough love concept. perhaps if he starts to have seizures you can tell him to stop being so dramatic. (have you ever seen the movie harold and maude?)

    amyz5’s last blog post..Don’t worry, I am still alive

  144. Gak! (that’s the sound the cats will make as they throw up on your pillow because they are pissed at you) it is also the sound I made as I saw that picture, and realized what you all had been through. Glad you are ok!!

    I would send *you chocolate, but it would melt before it got there, so I am eating it in your name, instead. Don’t worry, you’ll enjoy it.

    <3 T.

    T@SendChocolate’s last blog post..I’ve Got a Fever…

  145. Glad you’re safe and as unsound as ever. One thought: Isn’t skydiving sort of like a gravity-driven, vertical hurricane simulation? This gives me an idea. Perhaps the solution to hurricanes isn’t building a big retractable wall, but making sure everyone who lives on the coast has a working parachute and a launching pad on their roof. Sure, folks living inland might freak out at the inevitable Red Dawn-like paratrooperial invasion blown up from the coast, but it would give inlanders a reason to shout “Wolverines!” and that would be totally cool.

  149. Glad you’re okay! Oh, and btw, skydiving orgasms are real. I’ve totally had that conversation, more than once. I have the tattoos to prove it 😉

  151. I’m so happy to hear from you. Honestly, the lack of crude humor from my daily life was sending me into a severe depression driven by positive thoughts.

    But honestly, I’m grateful that you and your family are safe and if I lived in Texas, I would help you sweep the orange shit off of your street.

    My tip: Avoid the leaning light poles.

    Best wishes for the recovery in Texas.

    erin’s last blog post..September 11th, 7 Years Later

  152. I’ll get right on it.

    The curing hurricanes thing, that is. God – it should be easier than this, you guys are getting hammered. It isn’t fair.

  153. I lived in tornado alley, basically, from 0-16. Then moved to earthquake row, where I have done 16-56. I prefer living with earthquakes as they are highly unpredictable and don’t include much water. I hate water disasters. They always mean mud and mold. Yuk! And when you add wind… I think that people who live in hurricane circle are really insanely brave!!! Glad to know that you and yours are home and well.

    La Framéricaine’s last blog post..Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Drink The Water…

  154. I’m glad you and your family are okay. Things can be rebuilt but people can’t. I can’t imagine the devasation and seeing your neighorhood in shambles. I hope to hear good stories from you soon. Now let’s get pissed and go skydiving!

    Kile’s last blog post..She should be in sales

  155. My dad told me that when he was growing up in Corpus, they used to theorize that one day they could use atomic bombs to stop hurricanes.

    Yeah. A-bombs. Good one.

    I’m glad you’re ok!

  158. I read this post three times (looking for an update to your site) and JUST now understood what you meant when you said, “half of you are like this girl can’t do math”. Half+half+half=you stumped me.

    js’s last blog post..The Lost One

  160. I’m glad to hear you and your home are in good shape. Too bad about those ulcers, tho. I tried the tough love on myself and that seemed to work. Just restrict everything from your diet except some soy and he’ll be fine. A little yelling never hurt anybody.

    Sara’s last blog post..Dirty Little Boys

  162. I’m very glad you’re okay. I was going to comment yesterday, but got caught up in your photos on Flickr. They’re very mesmerizing and I completely forgot to come back and comment. Must be the fucking squirrel army from the church of squirrels. In any case, very glad you are ok, love the photos, come move to L.A. if you get tired of hurricanes and need a change. We can put you up but i doubt we will take in the transvestite army. Tiny Tony Orlandos scare me.

  165. Happy (sort of) homecoming. What an ordeal, but it could of been worse. As far as curing hurricanes??….we seem to only be making them worse. If you believe Mr. Gore. And I do.

    Dating Trooper’s last blog post..BWE

  166. Jenny – maybe your boss was right, and those were baby Sasquatches that attacked you in the parking lot. Do you have a pistol you could carry for self-defense? OTOH, TheBloggess packing heat… not a good idea, I am thinking.

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Waiting for the end – again (sigh)

  168. Glad you are back and weren’t hurt by the storm. I would think, that in a battle of wits… you would rip that hurricane a new one. Yup.

    And the picture… that’s not storm damage. That’s the front yard of a frat house after homecoming weekend. I just know it.

    Am I right? Do I get the prize?? LOL.

    Blessings!
    Lacy

    RazorFamilyFarms.com’s last blog post..A Tour of the Chicken-Children

  169. Hi, I found your blog on this new directory of WordPress Blogs at blackhatbootcamp.com/listofwordpressblogs. I dont know how your blog came up, must have been a typo, i duno. Anyways, I just clicked it and here I am. Your blog looks good. Have a nice day. James.

  171. I’m so glad you’re OK too. You should totally move to Milwaukee – hello, Forbes Most Drunken City!! And we don’t have to deal with any of that hurricane or earthquake shit. The 108″ of snow we got last winter was a fluke. For sure.

  173. Thank GOD! I was SO WORRIED!
    Are you sure it was the contaminated water that did you in? ‘Cause the last time I was in San Antonio we ate at this neat looking Mexican place on the Riverwalk that turned out to be not so neat and we all got food poisoning. I blanked on the name of the place which is probably okay because it’s probably not there anymore since this was in 1968 and I was just a kid anyway so names of places like that kinda disappeared with all those brain cells I killed later in life.

    Anyway. Im just sayin’. Might not have been the water.

    Mojo’s last blog post..Thematic Photographic 16: “Nature” (v.2.0)

  174. the problem with reading your blog is that I can’t drink anything while doing it because it all comes out my nose..which while cleansing..can be painful. As most cleansing are…

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Advice from Dorothy Barker: Go outside and find the sunset. Touch the grass. Bark at squirrels. Pee aggressively while staring at the neighbors. Eat a bug. The usual.
Instagram makes suggested reels based on old content and I assume most people have beautiful vacation photos or wedding compilations, but this is what they suggested for me.
Sitting in ihop after graduation and “who’s gonna drive you home” comes over the sound system and now I’m lightly weeping into my pancakes but I’M FINE.

ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:

I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:

Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Game Night Kit: All-in-one classic card game kits make the perfect gift, but you’ll want them for yourself, too! Lets skip book club tonight, drink wine & play games instead ~time together is magic!

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Coolest American Stories 2023: If you want a book of unputdownable, unpretentious, full-length short stories, we got ya covered. Our 2022 volume went to a 3rd printing; readers are singing this volume’s praises, too.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Perfectionist Anonymous: Proudly serving unpolished working motherhood, with bipolar depression and hilarity on the side.

Active Voice Productions  made a cool little movie with a role they wanted The Bloggess for but instead got Bonnie Hunt. Seriously. That’s what happened.

Scaredy Cat Travels: Traveling the world with the worst carry-on anxiety.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

The Second: Colleen Burns Durda’s candid memoir about a suburban mom with a side hustle-she’s The Second Coming. Laugh, cry and learn how she copes with her bipolar diagnosis.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

The Family Skeptical Podcast: We’re an atheist couple raising two children – we ask big questions, dissect weird parenting moments, and are jealous that our cats get so much sleep.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: Just read it. Trust me.

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