International incidents – Page 5

James Garfield is currently on the floor beside me because I can’t find a stud in the wall to hang him but it’s nice because it looks like he’s bursting through the basement, which is awesome because we don’t even have a basement so basically James Garfield is making my house seem bigger WITHOUT EVEN TRYING.

This year we couldn’t take a real family vacation so we’re taking Hailey to see her cousins and Disney Land for a few days so I’ll be vaguely MIA starting tomorrow because every time I pull out my phone to get on the internet Victor will huff at me accusingly and so I’ll have toContinue reading “James Garfield is currently on the floor beside me because I can’t find a stud in the wall to hang him but it’s nice because it looks like he’s bursting through the basement, which is awesome because we don’t even *have* a basement so basically James Garfield is making my house seem bigger WITHOUT EVEN TRYING.”

Random Ramblings of an Insomniac: Boobquakes, dangerous squirrels, things we already knew about men

I have insomnia so I’m getting a head-start on National #Boobquake Day; a day when women are encouraged to wear their most immodest outfit to see if immodest women do, in fact, cause earthquakes as reported by Iranian media. Apparently this is a real concern. So I put on my most low-cut corset and used myContinue reading “Random Ramblings of an Insomniac: Boobquakes, dangerous squirrels, things we already knew about men”

Motherfucker.

I just went to brush my teeth but we were out of toothpaste so I pulled out this tiny little travel tube that the stewardess gave me when I went to Japan and it’s the size of a hamster femur so I squeezed it all out onto the toothbrush and then I started to feelContinue reading “Motherfucker.”

I’m on a lot of painkillers, part 2

Okay. So turns out that my finger is broken, but only in the way that the rest of me is broken, i.e., no bones are shattered but it’s still technically fucked up and useless. Thus, I’ve had to type everything this week using one hand and I deserve a medal for this. But I haveContinue reading “I’m on a lot of painkillers, part 2”

I’m on a lot of painkillers

So last weekend Victor’s company had a family retreat on a cruise-ship, which would have been nice if I wasn’t terrified of water, giant squid, flying and fucking everything else involved in this trip. Still, you can’t say no to a free family vacation (because Victor wouldn’t let me) so we packed up and headedContinue reading “I’m on a lot of painkillers”

Monday is the new Sunday. Unless this is Tuesday. Someone send me a calendar

Remember when I used to do a weekly wrap-up every Sunday except that one time when I did it late because I got lost in the Bermuda Triangle? Because that just happened. Sort of. Long story which I will probably start off and never finish. Like that time when I almost told you about howContinue reading “Monday is the new Sunday. Unless this is Tuesday. Someone send me a calendar”