This month’s book picks are weirdly related because both feature queer romance and suspenseful corpse disposal and I promise I didn’t plan that at all.

If you’re in Nightmares from Nowhere you’ll be getting The Resurrectionist by A. Rae Dunlap. It’s a dark and twisty gothic debut set in 19th century Scotland (at a time when real-life serial killers Burke and Hare terrorized the streets of Edinburgh) as a young medical student is lured into the illicit underworld of body snatching. 

And if you’re in The Fantastic Strangelings you’ll be getting I MIGHT BE IN TROUBLE by Daniel Aleman, a suspenseful dark comedy about a struggling writer who wakes up to find his date from the night before dead—and must then decide how far he’s willing to go to spin the misadventure into his next book.

And if you haven’t joined any of our clubs this is sort of the perfect time to try them out because a membership is a great gift and if you want you can just do three months to try it out and see if it’s fun for you. Just click here for details or send this link to someone if you want to hint at a very easy present. (We also have an amazing romance book club and a great picture book club for kids but I never write about them here because I only pick the books for Nightmares and FS because those are the genres I love most.)

Need more than one book to get you through the month? Here are a few December new releases I really liked:
The Mistletoe Mystery by Nita Prose ~ Remember when we read The Maid?  Well this is a sweet new novella with Molly the Maid solving a whole new mystery.

Sister Snake by Amanda Lee Koe – A glittering, bold, darkly funny novel about two sisters—one in New York, one in Singapore—who are bound by an ancient secret.

Rental House by Weike Wang – From the award-winning author of Chemistry, a sharp-witted, insightful novel about a marriage as seen through the lens of two family vacations

Five years ago Victor brought home a battered old bear named Mathew McClawnaughey because he knows I don’t like flowers:

And I gave the bear a small makeover and renamed her Ruth Bader Ginsbear, because obviously:

And then Ruth sat beside me through good times and bad and waved at fascinated neighborhood children during the pandemic.

But now Hailey is off in college and this house feels too big and so I’m looking at downsizing so that maybe we could move to a smaller place and so I asked my dad if he knew anyone that could give Ruth a home and he was like, “I’LL TAKE HER” and my mother was like, “Henry. We do not have room for another bear” and he explained that he could fix all her broken parts at his taxidermy shop and then put her in the old-west saloon/courthouse that they built by hand during the pandemic and I think this explains a lot about my family.

So then my dad picked Ruth up in a bear-hug and waltzed her outside…

…past Bone Crawford, the 12-foot-skeleton that I’ve been meaning to take down for years but now has become a permanent fixture.

And then he propped Ruth on a post while he went to get his pick-up, right as the neighbors drove by slowly, shaking their heads as they watched a bear dressed in a judge’s gown cling drunkenly to a pole like it was Mardi Gras for bears.

“Ah, Jesus. They’re at it again, Bernice.” ~ my neighbors, probably.

And then my parents drove away, with only Ruth’s boots sticking up over the bed of their truck, making it look to everyone they passed on the highway as if they were transporting the very stiff corpse of a cowboy with extremely hairy legs.

And that was how my Thanksgiving was.

First off, bless you for your feedback on my last post because it made me feel like I wasn’t the only idiot to accidentally OD on gummies.

Secondly, if you read here you already know that I take ketamine injections once every month or two (at a medical clinic) to help treat my treatment-resistant depression and that I have a history of accidentally watching the wrong thing on their TV while having a terrible psychedelic trip (like the time when I was watching Schitt’s Creek and it ended and started playing an apocalypse movie that I thought was the live news) so this last time I was like, “Let’s play it safe” and I chose something called “Christmas Cats” or something like that and it opened with little kittens playing with ribbons and I was like, “Yeah, you can’t go wrong with kittens” and the nurse agreed and left the room and then this happened:

It’s not in focus because I was incredibly high and wasn’t sure it was real, but it lasted forever….the unblinking cat slowly getting closer and closer.

It was like I was looking at myself as a cat who was also too high and was having an internal freak-out as the flames of hell popped around us.

But then it changed and I was like, “Clearly I’m hallucinating this because what?”

It was keyboard cat. Staring right at me. He knew I was high and he was judging me.

“You’re not real,” I may have whispered. “You’re not even Christmas-based.” And that seemed to work because he faded away and was replaced with this:

I don’t have a good picture of this one because, again, too high…but seriously. Look close at this image. I can’t even begin to tell you what is wrong here. I remember saying, “CATS AREN’T SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE THAT” and then I (thankfully) lost my sight and fell to another dimension while reassuring myself: “The cats on the tv can’t hurt you.”

And then the next day I was looking through my phone and realized that all the stuff that I thought I’d hallucinated was totally real and so this is a lesson from me to you to check out what you’re going to watch before the ketamine appointment because seriously, no one needs this.

And a quick note in case you are in San Antonio for the holiday and want to stop by Nowhere Bookshop, that we’re giving all our employees paid days off on Thanksgiving and Black Friday because we’re bad at capitalism but good at people. But we’ll be back open on Saturday, and as a special thanks we’re offering 20% off all of my signed, personalized books ordered from Saturday to Monday if you want one for yourself or as gifts for others. (We ship everywhere.) And I will happily accuse you of a crime, give you a trivia hint or draw a picture of a giant metal chicken, or whatever else you like in your books if you just let me know on the order form. Just use the code SURPRISEME at checkout to apply the discount.

I don’t know who on our team made this picture of me but it is cracking me up:

So. This is a post that will probably get me mocked and possibly should be titled, “Idiot woman fucked around and found out” because that’s probably what a lot of responses will be but I’m writing it anyway because you can learn from mistakes…because recently I had a psychotic episode triggered by a perfectly legal, over-the-counter edible gummie and it was so awful that I want you to know about it in case it ever happens to you, or you accidentally eat something you shouldn’t and then fall into a terrible abyss.

Let me start by saying that I did lots of weed and acid in my youth and I currently take IV ketamine for treatment-resistant depression so I am not new to bad trips, but this was something else entirely.

I’ve taken thc/cbd gummies in the past to help me sleep and they basically felt like a margarita without the brain-freeze. I hadn’t had one in a year or so and so when my husband took me to a vape shop next to the curry place we were going to eat I looked for the brand I usually used and they didn’t have it so I asked the cashier what I should take to just relax and help sleep (because all of the packages are confusing as hell) and he handed me a package with a recommendation of one gummie. I told Victor that maybe he should try them and he rolled his eyes at me because Victor has never even had a contact high before. I looked up the reviews for the brand and saw a woman saying they helped with her anxiety and arthritis and I was like, “Anxious arthritic women unite! Clearly this will be fine.”

I took one and about an hour later I started to feel incredibly tense and sick and (very weirdly) my dog Dorothy Barker started growling at me and backing away like I’d grown horns and I told Victor that something seemed very wrong and that’s when he told me that he’d also taken a gummie.

And then I told him that one of us needed to be sober and he said we could always call an uber and I didn’t respond because who calls an uber driver to ask them to babysit them while they’re high…how would they even charge for that? (Later he told me he meant in case we needed to go somewhere. I don’t know, y’all.)

Then things quickly went from weird to worse as we both started projectile vomiting everything we’d ever eaten in our lives and then the walls started closing in like we were in that trash-compactor in Star Wars. To make things more interesting, I threw up so hard that I peed myself.

GOOD TIMES.

Our hearts felt like they were beating out of our chests and I was shaking so much I felt like I was having a convulsion and then time stopped completely.

This has happened to me before (time stopping) but never to such a crazy extent because the clock would not change and we were trapped in hell. Victor worried that we’d been poisoned and I felt that we were probably just too high but also I couldn’t stop thinking about the Tylenol murders and that maybe an anti-gummie extremist had infiltrated a gummie factory to poison everyone. I agreed that I did feel like I’d been poisoned but that also, time had stopped and that was definitely something that people say when they are too high, but then Victor was like, “Except maybe time also stops when you’re poisoned but we don’t know because none of those people survived and everything we know is just confirmation bias?” and that also sounded like something someone high would say, but he was kind of making a really good point and wasn’t sure if I was breathing properly.

So I decided to rely on science to see if time really was stopped and so I stared at my phone while counting out loud and it made time move again but only when I was looking at it and so I was pretty sure we were just too high, but then we started vomiting again and I felt like I was suffocating and so I texted a friend (renamed Katie to protect her privacy) : HELP US KATIE. WE’RE TOO HIGH

And 87 hours later she showed up (or 30 minutes her time) and assured us we were probably fine but then she looked at us again and I couldn’t stop shaking and she was like, “But maybe I should call 911?”

Reader. We called 911.

EMS was very cool in a “Jesus, this again?” sort of way and they took our vitals by looking at us and said we were just too high and needed to relax and watch some cartoons. I’m pretty sure it’s not possible to take someone’s vitals by just looking at them and so I suspected that Katie just texted a friend and told them to pretend they were 911 and then Katie was like, “It’ll be okay. I took a gas station gummie and it was awful and I couldn’t open my mouth for hours” and then I knew I was hallucinating because Katie has never done drugs in her life. Victor was pacing and I was curled up in the fetal position and in between retchings I had several funny thoughts that I thought might make for an enjoyable anecdote but I couldn’t write them down because my hands stopped working so who the fuck knows what they were.

I apologized to Victor that I couldn’t help him and he was like, “I am never doing this again. Nancy Reagan was right about drugs” and I nodded but I also pointed out that we’d recently said we needed to try new experiences and this was the first time we’d ever tandem vomited in the same toilet and then I fell asleep on the couch.

The next morning we still felt horrible (nauseous, incredibly tense, shaky, mentally off) and asked each other if last night was real because it seemed like a literal nightmare and so we called Katie and she was like, “Hey, Cheech and Chong” and I crawled into my own body in mortification. BUT she did confirm that she really had called 911 and that she was also confused about how they did the vitals over the phone and that she really did have a bad reaction to a gas station gummie in the past and didn’t mention to me before because it was embarrassing and this is exactly why I am writing this. Because I think this sort of thing actually happens more than we know and people are too afraid to talk about it, but I’m sharing because LEARN FROM MY DUMB MISTAKE, WORLD.

So why did we have this reaction? Well, I looked up the gummies I’d taken in the past that helped me sleep and it had one milligram of THC. Guess how much THC the new gummie had?

150 MILLIGRAMS.

So then I called my actual doctor because it had been 24 hours and we still felt terrible and the nurse was like, “Yeah, we actually get this kind of call a lot. What was the dose?” and I said “150 milligrams” and she made a choking sound that I think was holding back laughter and was like, “OMG. Yeah. That’s a crazy amount.” Turns out that acute cannabinoid intoxication causes intense physical reactions and even temporary psychosis, and while it’s near impossible to die from ODing on pot, the things you might do during a panicky psychosis can be incredibly harmful and it’s much easier to OD on edibles, especially the ones that are around now because they’re not really regulated and people like me don’t do their research and just take whatever a random vape shop cashier gave me (possibly in retaliation for Victor yelling “WE’RE NOT COPS” when we first walked into the store.)

All this to say that if you are reading this and time has stopped you are probably too high and need to watch some cartoons and…

1. Just because it’s legal does not mean it’s safe. Do your research first. It’s the wild west out there regarding regulations.
2. THC can affect different people in different ways. For example, it can worsen bipolar symptoms. WHO KNEW.
3. Let your kids/friends know that they can call you if this happens to them and that you won’t judge them. It is terrifying and horrible and it can be very easy to make a dangerous decision if you don’t have someone who can talk you down and assure you that you’re not already dead. In fact, send this post to your kids. They may already know all of this, but maybe not.
4. If you ever feel like time has stopped, etc. you may have accidentally ingested an edible and you will be okay but here is what can help if you’re greening out: A warm blanket, a tv show to distract you, water, chewing on black peppercorns (no clue why this helps), having someone on the phone or in person who can monitor you and remind you it’s okay, a bowl to vomit in, and time.
5. Pay attention to dosage and ingredients. One margarita is fine. 150 margaritas is not going to be fine. Also many of the ingredient may make no sense. For example, my gummie also had something called “diamond sauce”. I don’t know what that is so I looked it up. “Diamond sauce combines THCA crystals with a terpene-rich sauce with a higher purity than live resin.” Awesome. I still don’t know what diamond sauce is.

This is honestly a little mortifying to write about but it’s very common and if I can save one person from a traumatizing night like this it’s worth it. Be safe out there, friends.

I’ve had a lot of people ask if I’m leaving Texas. I totally support those who feel like they need to move for their safety or sanity, but I don’t plan to leave. Perhaps that may change one day but for now I’ll continue to be here…a small blue dot. And Nowhere Bookshop will be here too. When we first started five years ago I wrote that bookstores and libraries were my sanctuary and that hasn’t changed. In fact, Nowhere has grown to be a place in the community that people come for solace and inspiration and joy and even a little rebellion.

I suspect most progressive bookshops (especially those in red states) are having the same fears that we have, so if you have one near you, drop in and say hi. It can be nice to see in real time how not alone we are. Remember that books have the power to bring unbridled joy and escape, and also the power to change minds and people. Ask a bookseller what banned book they’d recommend. Ask which books they’ve seen challenged that they love. Ask them what they read when they need to be reminded of the goodness of people or what they read to reset their brains. And if you can’t afford a book at the moment, keep in mind that libraries are magic and you can get physical books, ebooks and even audiobooks from libraries now.

And now…back to normal programming…new November releases I loved:

If you’re in the Fantastic Strangelings Book Club we’re sending you a historical fiction story about a woman struggling to pursue her dreams and help those around her, in spite of great obstacles…which feels somewhat timely even though it takes place 700 years ago.

It’s Eleanore of Avignon by Elizabeth DeLozier.  It’s the story of a woman who is unwilling to bend to the limitations her society places upon her when she becomes the unlikely apprentice to the pope’s physician during the Black Plague, at the most challenging and dangerous moment in medieval European history. Fascinating and captivating.

If you’re a member of the Nightmares from Nowhere Horror Club you’ll be getting Deadly Animals by Marie Tierney.

Finding a dead body is not normal. But Ava is not a normal teenager. In this chillingly beautiful mystery, only the obsessive spirit of youth can save a desperate town from the savagery within. Engrossing.

I didn’t have a chance to read as many books this month as usual but here are a few more new releases that I loved:

Encounters with James Baldwin: Celebrating 100 years~ A wonderful collection of poems, interviews, cultural commentary which celebrate the incredible work and legacy of James Baldwin.

The Memory Palace: True Short Stories of the Past by Nate Dimeo –  A collection of surprising true stories that brings to life long-forgotten icons, heroes who never got their due, and ordinary people who never made it to the history books.  Fascinating.

Shy Creatures by Clare Chambers –  A mute, unkempt man with a long beard and hair is discovered in the home of his sick, elderly aunt. Both the aunt and William are admitted to Westbury Park for psychiatric evaluations, but the aunt dies shortly afterwards leaving the staff to piece together William’s history. 

The Queen by Nick Cutter –  A young woman searching for her missing friend uncovers a shocking truth.  If you have a phobia of flying insects this one is not for you.

Cabinet of Curiosities by Aaron Mahnke – A historical tour of the unbelievable, the unsettling, and the bizarre.

Happy reading, friends.

 

I’ve been in a depression this last week and honestly, I’d probably still be in bed but I made a promise to update my substack every week and it forced me to write, which actually helped in a strange way. Just in case you aren’t signed up for it, here’s what I shared today. I’ll be back here soon. Promise.

I’m writing this a day late because I’ve been in a depression and I wanted to give myself time. This last week I drew a lot…using images to get out my feelings…but I don’t quite have the words yet. This image felt right though:

Sometimes the skies are dark and the waves may rise around us, but still we stand. It can be frightening and disorienting, but still…we are here. I’m not abandoning kindness and love and the knowledge that light always comes, eventually. I’m not abandoning joy and silliness…because clinging to it and celebrating it is what we will remember most. I’m not abandoning hope and trust…even when it sometimes feels harder to practice. And even if the world may seem a little cold today, know that you are here with me in this stony tower that may sway but doesn’t crumble. I’m not abandoning myself. I’m not abandoning you. Don’t abandon who you are.

Today this popped up in my fortune cookie:

“Mind your words; they have the power to build or destroy.”

And I suppose that’s true in many ways. Words can destroy beautiful things, but they can also dismantle terrible things. They can build communities and hope and rebellion and comfort. And right now I will use mine to remind you that you are not alone. I’m so glad you’re here.

So I guess maybe I did have some words after all.

Hugs,

Jenny

Ps. I took this photo with Dorothy Barker in the background (because who doesn’t need a dog pic?) and she snatched it out of my hand and then immediately regretted it and I had to fish it out of her mouth while she was looking at me like, “WHY DOES IT SMELL LIKE COOKIE IF IT IS NOT COOKIE” and I was like, “I DON’T KNOW, DOTTIE. THE WORLD IS UPSIDE DOWN SOMETIMES” and she was like, “Girl, are you okay?” and I took a deep breath to regroup and assured her that I was going to be fine and so Dottie and I are going downstairs for a little sweet treat because I think maybe we all deserve cookies and milkbones. 

Treat yourself kindly, friend. I super crazy love you.