This is a really fucked-up way to make a living

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This week on my Sex Column (which is satirical and relatively safe for work if your boss isn’t a total dick):

    This week on my mommy blog on the Houston Chronicle:

  • Some guy said I was a bad mother right after I said I was a bad mother and then I made fun of him in the comments section and I feel a little guilty about that but don’t make it so fucking easy, dude.
  • .

    This week on the internets:

    • I gave a live interview at Blogher and like 10 seconds before it went live I was told that I’m not allowed to curse and the guy interviewing me says something about praising God and then I kind of panicked and blathered on mindlessly because all I could think was “Don’t say ‘fuck’ out loud“.   Also, it’s a really long, not funny interview but if you skip to the three minute mark you’ll hear me saying good things about you.  Because I fucking love you.

    This week on shit-I-didn’t-write-but-wish-I did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

    The end.

    45 replies. read them below or add one

    1. I knew it. You are a fast talker.
      .-= Toy With Me´s last blog ..LELO ELISE Paints The Moaning LISA =-.

    2. I don’t suggest taking part in any activity where you can’t curse. Really, what’s the fucking point?
      .-= Sarah Bellum´s last blog ..That’s What She Said… about Sugared Cereal Boys =-.

    3. Thank you, Bloggess. I think you’ve put me off calamari for life.
      .-= cindy w´s last blog ..completely random topic change =-.

    4. I could totally hear you trying not to say fuck on that interview. Well done!

      Also, can someone get a humor transplant for Mr. truthbomb? I feel really bad that he has to go through life embarrassing himself in blog comments like that.
      .-= Laurel´s last blog ..Need some snark? Head on over to EdenCafe.com =-.

    5. The squid thing has got to be a joke, right? Hell, even if it isn’t, what kind of ten degrees of fucked up do you have to be to even come up with the idea of sticking your dick into a squid?

      I think I’ve just lost my last bit of faith in humanity.
      .-= Suburban Oblivion´s last blog ..This is What a Tantrum Looks Like on a 42 Year Old =-.

    6. I am not sure that I’ll ever be able to eat calamari again. Who wants to eat something while wondering if some guy has recently put his junk in it?
      .-= Vikki´s last blog ..Road Trip =-.

    7. Your response to Truthbomb may be my favorite think you’ve ever written.

    8. er…thing…(see? I’m ironic…)
      .-= Brutalism´s last blog ..I’d Like To Thank The Academy =-.

    9. Haha, I saw that emoticons thing earlier this week. That is so my mom.
      .-= Jen´s last blog ..The way life should be =-.

    10. You sounded so adorable in that radio thing, not stabby at all. Which makes all the stab references that much better, IMHO.
      .-= c lo´s last blog ..good news/bad news =-.

    11. I find it incredible that any one person can be so productive!
      Cheers
      .-= Maddy´s last blog ..Supercharged =-.

    12. not bad for a bad mother/shitty sex therapist who covers up murders. i’d say you covered all your bases this week.
      .-= lula who is really someone else´s last blog ..…been a while. =-.

    13. Holy crap, you’re funny. Every time I read your posts I laugh. I especially love the assisted suicide pet monkey.
      .-= HR Minion´s last blog ..Hey, big spender! =-.

    14. I just must say that while I think the squid guy is a complete lunatic, he has a good point at the end there, bceause in fact, i DO think that having a sea animal inserted into your genitals is something you should prepare for. perhaps with electroshock therapy.
      Also, burning bloody towels in an open field is a good solution, but sometimes it is useful to keep a few safely hidden in case you ever need to frame someone.
      .-= kate´s last blog ..Ever Wonder What I Think About In The Shower? =-.

    15. Seriously, the squid? And who was that guy on the Mommy blog? I mean, besides an asshole? My parents didn’t teach ME to tie my shoes. My kindergarten teacher did. It’s even on my report card. Asshole. (HIM, not my mom or kindergarten teacher…they are both great people).
      .-= Jules´s last blog ..Name that Mantra =-.

    16. In the last week (or maybe longer, who knows) I saw a piece of Chinese art that had a squid having sex with a woman. And then I saw your post. What is it with squid sex on the Internets lately?
      .-= Becky Mochaface´s last blog ..Book Review: The Devil in the White City =-.

    17. You do a lot of shit. And not shit in the literal sense (cause I have no idea how much you shit) you know, a lot of stuff everyweek. How do you find the time??

      I so want your life. I’m totally bored with mine.
      .-= peedee´s last blog ..How to punch a shark. =-.

    18. “We are all broken.” -Interviewer

      Speak for yourself, nerd.
      .-= BHJ´s last blog ..Underwear And Autonomy =-.

    19. Squid, masturbation and sex – those three words should never be used in any sentences together!

      Thanks for the heads up about FMylife – I’ve so wasted my day laughing my ass off over other peoples’ misery.
      .-= twig´s last blog ..Eye of Newt (Gingrich) =-.

    20. Today, I read FMyLife. Then I fell off my chair laughing. FML

      You give great interview. Hardly any swearing at all.
      .-= Mr Farty´s last blog ..East Fortune Air Show =-.

    21. I just truly do not know how my life would have turned out without those links.
      Vive La Bloggess !
      .-= Daffodil Campbell´s last blog ..What it feels like to be replaced =-.

    22. 22
      *star.mama*

      I just wasted half an hour on fmylife.com. Thanks for that.

    23. Damn it. I couldn’t hear the “fuck” in the interview.
      .-= Marisa @ Where’s The Party?´s last blog ..We all lose a little part of ourselves once motherhood bites us in the ass… =-.

    24. LOL I love the link to your Mum finding out about emoticons – it’s so unbelievably cute! Except now I guess conversations with her take longer to read because you’ve got to get past all the emoticons :P
      .-= Katie´s last blog ..England 2009 Highlights =-.

    25. I want to put those two singing girls in my pocket and bring them out at parties and camp fires and lame moments when something neat needs to happen.
      .-= Swedishskier´s last blog ..Wednesdays Weirdos: Shoot the Messenger =-.

    26. The squid horror is fucking sick, but not sicker than the clip I saw of a man sucking a dolphin dick.

      I still have nightmares and wish I’d never blindly clicked that link.
      .-= Akilah Sakai´s last blog ..People Can Birth Animals In My Household =-.

    27. This may be a weird way to make a living, but dang it’s fun.
      .-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..The badge of honor =-.

    28. My current addiction is “Vie de Merde,” (literally “life of s**t in French.) It’s the French version of “F My Life.” Except that instead of feeling all dirty and voyeuristic like I do when I indulge in the English site, I can be all, “This is EDUCATIONAL! I’m studying French!” I’m pretty sure intensive foreign language learning about condoms and big butts makes me a cultured person.

      P.S. Did you know that the French words for “condom” and “overcoat” are the same? See how enlightening I am now?
      .-= laurie´s last blog ..A Couple More Gorgeous Seattle Streets Quilts =-.

    29. Your BlogTalk radio interview is on a loop on their site. So I just keep it playinging a second tab in my web browser and screamed, “Wolverines!” from time to time because I can’t say that in Ohio State territory – I’ll get jumped. I’ll let you say the things I can’t for me.
      .-= Condo Blues´s last blog ..Smelly Washer Winnah! =-.

    30. Jenny you really need to talk faster. Cuz I could almost make out what you were saying. Like I heard “Wolverines” and”she’s messed up”……which I think is like the cliff notes version right?

      And yes we are the most smartest and fabulous people.
      And some of us can be assholes too.
      So there is that. :)
      .-= The Glamorous Life´s last blog ..Now if it only made a lattes I would marry it. =-.

    31. I thought of a bunch of stuff while I was reading this, but now all I can remember is to tell you that I had Parvo, too. And I got arthritis after, so it was like I’d been making out with a dog AND I was in my fifties. Except for the part where I was in fifth grade.
      .-= Kristina´s last blog ..cous cous and mixed summer vegetables with a honey balsamic drizzle =-.

    32. i totally still tie my shoes with two bows and my husband makes constant fun of me for it. I think I may utalize some of that other advice and burn him in a field, I mean the towls, I mean….well hell my defense will be based on the two bows of shoe tying that eventually drove me crazy and then everyone will be happy that their kids can not tie their shoes. You’re Welcome.

    33. I love garfunkle and oates! My favorite song by them, which you should listen to btw, is pregnant women are smug. Because i feel i can relate to it hahaha.

    34. I don’t know if someone has sent you this yet but it is someone as intense as the squid story:

      http://www.inquisitr.com/32278/pa-woman-in-love-with-marrying-carnival-ride/

    35. Not that you aren’t ridiculously awesome or anything…but I so look foward to these posts and the shit you didn’t write but wish you did. Seriously.
      .-= WM´s last blog ..If you haven’t guessed yet, I’m kinda avoiding the blogosphere and Twitter and every other social media site where people might talk about BlogHer =-.

    36. I just died watching “Your Friend Steve”. I sent it to my co-worker. Her boyfriend is sooo gay for his friend Steve (named Kevin). That’s all good and fine, except they are getting married next year. It’s obvious to everyone that he’s gay, except to her, of course. So tragic, yet so entertaining.
      .-= Kelly´s last blog ..Not Me Monday…on a Thursday because I’m scandalous like that. =-.

    37. You are hilarious….congrats on the interview. Man, the fastest way to get someone to swear is to tell them not to! It’s like telling a kid not to hit their brother: MUST HIT BROTHER NOW! WHERE IS HE? MUST DESTROY…

    38. That was AWFUL of them to spring the whole ‘no swearing’ thing on you just before the interview, but you did amazingly well.

      I’m impressed. I’m also hungry. Calamari anyone?
      .-= Jelly´s last blog ..My holiday – The good, the bad, and the embarrassing. =-.

    39. Did you notice how I totally didn’t swear in my last comment. In honour of you. Because I think you rock.

      You’re fucking welcome.
      .-= Jelly´s last blog ..My holiday – The good, the bad, and the embarrassing. =-.

    40. I have lurked on your site for a while, but I am popping on the scene to say that I thought you did a GREAT job on your radio interview. You sound so pretty and intelligent it was awesome.
      I am sometimes amazed and embarrassed by the things you write, but you ALWAYS make me laugh so I can’t help but keep coming back. So thanks!
      .-= Courtney@BooksnBoys´s last blog ..To ALL Parents =-.

    41. Another great post but that’s not why I’m leaving a comment. Just wanted to let you know that I got “un-friended” on Facebook because you’re listed as one of my favorite blogs on my Networked Blogs banner. High five! Thought you’d be happy to know that there is one less easily offended, humorless person on my Facebook news feed. Way to go Jenny! Keep on screening out the REAL crazies for me. Thanks!

      Sue

      http://www.lifeasaworkathomeinternetmogul.com

      .-= Sue´s last blog ..Probably My Only Post About Football =-.

    42. Uh so Jenny – what’re you trying to tell me about Steve? HUH??? Just come out and say it don’t dedicate a song…

    43. Your husband is just an irresponsible guy you should make him feel about his mistakes he commits everyday and with much softness and politeness that he doesn’t mind at all. Make him a habit of putting every thing on its proper place but gradually his habits will be changed make him realize his responsibilities in the house that you both have to live together for a life time .I know you love him a lot he is your husband you just keep loving and caring him like a cute and lovely wife you are a responsible girl just not hate him of what he does throwing wet towel on the floor is not a big issue you just be patient and be calm everything will be alright dear just do what i said and you will see incredible results.

    44. I definitely could not go that long without cursing. I’m kind of worried that my baby’s first word is going to be twat.
      .-= Morgan @ The818´s last blog ..Feeling Ambitious? =-.

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