So yesterday at the grocery store the cashier asked if we wanted to try some 99 cent deodorant which seemed less helpful and more of a subtle insult but then I saw she had a big box of it beside the register and Victor’s all “No thank you” but I couldn’t even speak because the one on the top was this:
And I’m all “You have got to be fucking kidding me” and Victor’s like “Wow. That’s…terrible” and I’m all “Kurt Cobain would kill himself if he saw this and hadn’t already killed himself” and the 16-year-old-ish cashier chick was like “Um…I don’t get it. Is there a problem with the deodorant?” and I’m all “You know…“Smells like Teen Spirit?” Kurt Cobain?” and she stares at me blankly and I’m all “NIRVANA?!” and she’s all “I don’t know what that is” and then I almost punched her and Victor’s all “Calm down. You’re gonna break a hip” so I take a deep breathe and I’m all “Okay, once, long before you were born…apparently…there was a thing called Rock. And a band called Nirvana. And they changed the fucking world” and she says “Oh. I’m only allowed to listen to Christian music” and I’m all “Your parents should be imprisoned” but I only said that last part in my head because I try not to judge other people and their horrible parenting choices but I made her promise to go home and at least listen to Lithium and she didn’t respond to me at all, probably because she was so overwhelmed with my passion. Then Victor pushed me out of the store because apparently I was “causing a scene” and I was so flustered that it wasn’t until I got to the car that I realized I still had the deodorant in my hand and I’m not sure if I even paid for it. So basically Lady Speed Stick made me steal.
PS. Victor just informed me that what I actually said to the cashier was “I am not leaving here until you swear that you will go home and at least try lithium“. Which, I’ll admit, could be misconstrued. Awesome. Now we can never go back to Krogers.
UPDATED: Okay, so apparently the deodorant has been around since before Nirvana actually penned that song and I’ve been living in a hole my entire life and am the only person in the entire world who is not shocked this deodorant exists. My only comfort is the fact that when Kurt Cobain wrote “Smells Like Teen Spirit” he didn’t know it was a deodorant either and was quite put-out when someone told him he’d just written a song about deodorant. I read this on wikipedia so it has to be true.
Comment of the day: There has never been a better song about female deodorant. Except maybe Mr. Roboto, “Secret, secret, I I’ve got some secret.” Many people don’t know this, but Styx used to be “Speed Styx.” They changed it right after Jefferson dropped the airplane and added starship and then dropped Jefferson, making them a bad band. ~ MayoPie