I don’t even know what to say here

February 4, 2011

in blogging about blogging again,God I hope this is spam,no one thinks this is funny but me,Random crap

Every month or so I log into google analytics to see what people are searching for when they find my blog. It’s always entertaining, often perplexing and occasionally even terrifying. Here’s a screen shot of the 25th most popular keyword search for this blog:

Huh.

So that’s 89 separate visits of people who found this blog by googling “no one’s going to be able to relate to a corpsey chocolate vampire and his gay bird lover” in the last 30 days.

Baffling.

{ 156 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Suebob February 4, 2011 at 2:34 pm: Oh, sure, pretend like you can’t relate.
Suebob recently posted..Denial is a river in Egypt
2 Meg February 4, 2011 at 2:35 pm: You had a chocolate vampire and you didn’t share with the rest of the class…so sad.
3 Laurel February 4, 2011 at 2:35 pm: Ummmm…….?
4 Mommy Boots February 4, 2011 at 2:35 pm: I beg to differ. I’m fairly certain I once saw Big Bird eating a bowl of Count Chocula once on Sesame Street. Or maybe I made that up when I was drunk. I’m pretty sure it was real, though.
Mommy Boots recently posted..Dear You
5 HeathRobots February 4, 2011 at 2:36 pm: Guilty.
HeathRobots recently posted..A Geisha Walks Into an ICU
6 Dana February 4, 2011 at 2:36 pm: Makes complete sense to me….
Dana recently posted..Oh- We Texans Dont Do Cold Well
7 Christine February 4, 2011 at 2:36 pm: WTF? People are crazy! It is only appropriate that a chocolate vampire has a gay bird lover though…
Christine recently posted..Graham- our crazy &amp awesome cat Flickr
8 Mel February 4, 2011 at 2:36 pm: Lmao, now that is one of the funniest ones I’ve seen! I get some strange ones too!
Mel recently posted..Shape Collage Review
9 Susan February 4, 2011 at 2:36 pm: Aaaand now I will google that every day.
10 Melissa February 4, 2011 at 2:36 pm: Holy shit, that’s baffling.
11 Mommy Boots February 4, 2011 at 2:36 pm: I also typed “once” too many times in my last post. I *might* be drunk right now.
Mommy Boots recently posted..Dear You
12 The Queen B February 4, 2011 at 2:36 pm: Yeah, but it’s totally true…
The Queen B recently posted..Because I Need a Laugh NSFW and bad language galore
13 Kernut the Blond February 4, 2011 at 2:37 pm: You know you’re special when…
Kernut the Blond recently posted..Intimidated by The Adult Toy Store
14 Phoenix Rising February 4, 2011 at 2:38 pm: I knew a gay bird lover once. Turned out the bird he was interested in wasn’t gay. Awkward.
Phoenix Rising recently posted..A lot of snow fell and no one was murdered in my house which is a very good thing
15 Simple Dude February 4, 2011 at 2:39 pm: I used to hang out with a corpsey chocolate vampire. His name was Todd and he was very heterosexual. Uncomfortably so.

Although he was a huge Will and Grace fan, so go figure.

SD
http://www.TheSimpleDude.com
Simple Dude recently posted..Is There Life On Uranus
16 the mrs February 4, 2011 at 2:39 pm: So now I want to know if you’ve even written anything remotely like this, but I’m afraid to Google and send your stats up even higher.
17 Jenny the bloggess February 4, 2011 at 2:40 pm: What’s sad is that I actually have written that sentence before.
18 LaToia February 4, 2011 at 2:40 pm: My head actually started hurting from trying to think of a reason one would google that. Thanks 89 people. I’ve already had to deal with waking up at 7 this morning to a light sprinkling of snow on the roofs of my south Texas neighborhood. Do you want my head to explode.
19 Christina February 4, 2011 at 2:41 pm: I am praying this is an auto-complete me kind of thing.
20 Holly Olofsson February 4, 2011 at 2:41 pm: Why does this make me think of Easter? I am broken.
21 LaraLev February 4, 2011 at 2:41 pm: I’m impressed by your popularity.

I’m also impressed that, in spite of my lack of gigantor popularity, 167 people in the last few months have gotten to my blog *just* by searching “vaginas.”

I don’t even know how many pages they had to go back to find me or what, but I’m mildly terrified.
LaraLev recently posted..I’m psychic
22 Gypsie February 4, 2011 at 2:41 pm: this is just epic! it sure made me giggle..though i’m not surprised .. i’m sure there have been weirder things said here..
23 Grant Spanier February 4, 2011 at 2:42 pm: My most popular google keywords were “how to tick people off using Japanese advertisements.”

wtf.
Grant Spanier recently posted..How to Tick People Off
24 Karen February 4, 2011 at 2:42 pm: I’m going to google corpsey chocolate vampire now because I can’t imagine what would lead to googling that other than this post.
Karen recently posted..I might be the most boring person on Earth
25 Keely February 4, 2011 at 2:45 pm: Now I have to google that to see who’s #2.
Keely recently posted..This is why I’m not allowed to tell jokes I always forget important plot points
26 avasmommy February 4, 2011 at 2:45 pm: Count Chocula is gay?!?!?!
avasmommy recently posted..Backwards Forwards
27 chatty cricket February 4, 2011 at 2:46 pm: Just like my Grandma always used to say. She was right too, Jenny, no one will ever be able to relate to that. Though personally I think that it’s sweet, because gay birds have feelings too.
28 thatgirlblogs February 4, 2011 at 2:46 pm: guilty.
29 heather seats February 4, 2011 at 2:47 pm: Well of *course* you’ve written that sentence before. Do you know who you are? Maybe I should introduce you. Jenny… This is the Blogess… Blogess… Jenny.
30 Keely February 4, 2011 at 2:47 pm: Awesome. You are #1, 2, AND 3.
Keely recently posted..This is why I’m not allowed to tell jokes I always forget important plot points
31 WebSavvyMom February 4, 2011 at 2:48 pm: –>Google has a wicked sense of humor.
WebSavvyMom recently posted..Flashback Friday Part 80 – The College Watering Hole
32 Daddy Scratches February 4, 2011 at 2:49 pm: OK, I admit it: I’m the asshole who searched for that one term 89 times. Thanks for noticing.
Daddy Scratches recently posted..I would club fluffy white baby seals to death right now if doing so would allow me to be on this beach instead of here in ice-covered Pennsylvania
33 Kim February 4, 2011 at 2:49 pm: Wow. Just…wow.
34 mrtl February 4, 2011 at 2:50 pm: Bizarre. 89 unique visitors? What does the number mean? Bobby Brown?

Currently I have a bunch of Brits finding my site looking for an it’s so windy joke. That’s what we call farts. And it’s not even funny. I’ve taunted them several times now and may be adding elderberries to the page being hit.
mrtl recently posted..Win- Lose- or Laugh
35 Jessica, BLoGMuSe February 4, 2011 at 2:50 pm: Oh Google, how I love thee
Jessica, BLoGMuSe recently posted..You Can Totally Milk an Iguana
36 mirandom February 4, 2011 at 2:51 pm: And I thought it was strange that someone found my blog by using the search phrase “muddy nuggets.” “Corpsey chocolate vampire” wins.
37 Pixi February 4, 2011 at 2:54 pm: There is smoke coming out of my brain trying to comprehend that one.
38 Jacquie February 4, 2011 at 2:54 pm: A corpsey chocolate vampire and his gay bird lover? Story of my life. I can TOTALLY relate.
Jacquie recently posted..make ready
39 Steph February 4, 2011 at 2:57 pm: Ditto to your “baffling.”
I’m gonna be a true follower and look mine up too.
Haven’t tried that before.
Steph recently posted..When the Super Volcano Blows- I Will Become Your Ruler
40 Pauline February 4, 2011 at 2:59 pm: Jeez-us! You mean Count Chocula and Tucan Sam are doing the humpty dance? What next?
Pauline recently posted..Booty- Coincidence Or Something
41 Halee *as in berry* February 4, 2011 at 2:59 pm: I’m officially convinced that anything I google could (and most likely will) bring me to this blog. Which is kind of like a twisted version of jumangi. I don’t exactly know HOW it’s a twisted game of jumangi, but that’s just what I thought of when I read this post and really no one can judge me because I’m not the one writing junk like “no one’s going to be able to relate to a corpsey chocolate vampire and his gay bird lover” in the first place so I feel completely validated and maybe slightly insane….I don’t actually know anymore.
42 Larry Lourcey February 4, 2011 at 3:02 pm: Tell me about it – if you substitute “vanilla” for “chocolate” you end up at MY blog. Oh well, I guess you take em where you can get em….
Larry Lourcey recently posted..Best Picture 2011 – A Photographer’s Perspective
43 Johi February 4, 2011 at 3:02 pm: That takes “awesome” to a whole different level. I almost just wrote “awholenother”, because that is how fucked up I talk… so sad. I guess that is the side effect from learning to read from beer bottle caps and bathroom stall grafitti.

I have had some interesting search words that have led people to my blog. My favorite was “girl shit in shorts”. ??? I am fairly certain that I did not type that sentence….. I don’t know though, I’m drunk a lot. jk…? And what sick fucker googles “girl shit in shorts”?
Johi recently posted..My brain is like my dogs poop in the neighbors snowblower also known as the poo fountain- and why I am a bad neighbor
44 Jessica Rolin February 4, 2011 at 3:03 pm: That sentence doesn’t just pop into your head when using Google search?
I mean, that is a standard search. We’re touching the basics here.

J-Roll
Jessica Rolin recently posted..To write- I must party
45 Summer February 4, 2011 at 3:05 pm: Well, now you know. At least they didn’t get here by accident.
Summer recently posted..finally
46 barbara February 4, 2011 at 3:07 pm: Yeah. Sometimes *I’m* the corpsey chocolate vampire and he’s my gay bird lover, and then other times? It gets weird.
47 Frugaloma February 4, 2011 at 3:08 pm: OMG that’s hillarious!
Frugaloma recently posted..5 printable Zantac coupon!!
48 Penbleth February 4, 2011 at 3:09 pm: I think corspey chocolate vampires should be allowed to love gay birds if they want, until the police catch them.

It sort of puts all those finding me by looking for “sexy breastfeeding” in to the shade. I’m going to have to step up the surreal quotient.
Penbleth recently posted..If you loved that you’re going to lose it completely over this
49 Betty Fokker February 4, 2011 at 3:12 pm: Word.
Betty Fokker recently posted..Hot Pagan Thunderpussy
50 Katy February 4, 2011 at 3:16 pm: Forgive me for being a concrete thinker, but is that sentence not a genuine thought in relation to True Blood? Questionably phrased and all, but relating to actual characters? Just me, or not?
Katy recently posted..Weekly roundup
51 Kelly February 4, 2011 at 3:17 pm: That is an awesome search… Looking at how people find me is my favorite part of analytics… I don’t have any that good though…. Haha
Kelly recently posted..Random Memory
52 Rumble Kitty February 4, 2011 at 3:19 pm: Are you sure that Google doesn’t just make all their statistics shit up? You know, like those fake words they searched to mess with Bing!
53 Kait (Tampon In A Teacup) February 4, 2011 at 3:19 pm: That…that just cannot be a coincidence.
Kait (Tampon In A Teacup) recently posted..Chicago or Hoth Sometimes I get them mixed up
54 Dangerboy February 4, 2011 at 3:20 pm: I love looking at the keywords. I have hits from “Paris Hilton mudwrestles a velociraptor” and “Dangerboy fucks me”. I’m not sure how that second one came about, but I’d like to know.
Dangerboy recently posted..Strippers for Odin
55 Jessica February 4, 2011 at 3:21 pm: Ok….is chocolate a *buzzword* for something other than the milky goodness?….and a gay bird lover….is this a bird lover who is gay or a *gay bird* who is a lover? Because I’m pretty sure chocolate is lethal to birds, so that’s a short story between the pair…not much to say other than the bird might have wanted to get busy with the white chocolate vampire, since white chocolate isn’t *technically* chocolate…

I’m done, now.
Jessica recently posted..motivation- required
56 Sarah Elizabeth February 4, 2011 at 3:26 pm: http://thebloggess.com/2009/08/im-going-to-sell-a-ton-of-books-as-long-as-i-dont-actually-have-to-write-them/

I knew I knew that sentence from somewhere.

Who would remember that sentence well enough to be able to put it back into Google perfectly? Who *does* that?
Sarah Elizabeth recently posted..These Are The Conversations I Have With My Friends
57 Gen February 4, 2011 at 3:26 pm: I had to read the search term like 89 times just to understand it. Now I’m going to go google that just to bring you up to an even 90. You’re so close, and the evenness of a solid 90 would be calming, no?
Gen recently posted..Flashback Friday- Don’t Blink
58 Emmy February 4, 2011 at 3:30 pm: My guess would be someone quoted it somewhere and then people said “Huh?” and googled it. But that doesn’t account for a 30-day spread. My conclusion? You’re f*cking *magic*, Jenny. No way around it.
Emmy recently posted..The lack of love for singleness
59 Veronica February 4, 2011 at 3:32 pm: What does a corpsey chocolate vampire look like? Inquiring minds.
Veronica recently posted..The sexualisation of women and what is art- really
60 Mrs. Mustache February 4, 2011 at 3:32 pm: We probably all need to take a step back from the Zombie porn.
Mrs. Mustache recently posted..Why is that Human Leaking
61 Erica February 4, 2011 at 3:36 pm: There’s one guy searching for that phrase over and over and over…
Erica recently posted..The only thing sexier than a leprechaun
62 bschooled February 4, 2011 at 3:42 pm: I can relate to a gay vampire and corpsey bird lover.

But that`s probably because growing up, my parents were into steampunk.
bschooled recently posted..This is why I suck at traveling
63 Nicole February 4, 2011 at 3:47 pm: Weird. now I am off to check mine.
Nicole recently posted..How do you do it
64 Polyvorina February 4, 2011 at 3:48 pm: And I thought it was hilarious that the words “jock beach” had somehow brought someone to my blog. Good stuff.
65 Amanda February 4, 2011 at 3:51 pm: I’m going to have to agree with the comment above- one guy searching multiple times. There’s just no WAY that many people were searching for that phrase. No. Way.
66 Sarah February 4, 2011 at 3:58 pm: That’s so much better than my best one yet– which asks how to make a termite costume for your child. I am super jealous of you, your chocolate vampire, and his gay bird lover.
Sarah recently posted..And were back!
67 Bejewell February 4, 2011 at 4:08 pm: If you Google “Dildo helmets,” my blog is the first search term result you will find. Proud.
Bejewell recently posted..I’m Not Actually Sure HOW Cold A Witch’s Tit Gets
68 Chelsie February 4, 2011 at 4:09 pm: Holy geez. Are we, your readers, really that deranged? It’s kind of… creepy. Like finding out your sweet great uncle gets a thrill out of flashing the nurses at his rest home.

Sadly, I can relate. The last time I checked my stats, I got a mishmash of “f*cking the housekeeper shile (sic) she work,” ‘here come Hell go,” and most bafflingly, “Zombie porn.” (And mine is a parenting humor site!) Can someone explain to me when the undead got sexy enough to land in the spank bank category?
Chelsie recently posted..What’s For Dinner- vol I
69 Desi February 4, 2011 at 4:09 pm: Um… I admit, two of those were me. ^_^ You can never have too much Rum, but you can darn sure try.
Desi recently posted..Mommy- Everyones Favorite Villain
70 A Vapid Blonde February 4, 2011 at 4:13 pm: My wAGINA AM BROcken.

That was one of my more illustrious searches. I love the use of the word corpsey.
A Vapid Blonde recently posted..Alligator Heads and Crusty Baguettes
71 Holly B February 4, 2011 at 4:14 pm: Mine is always ” stick a penis up your nose” or “penis up nose” which makes me think.. how the hell many people are out there sticking a penis up their nose? Scary shit indeed.
Holly B recently posted..Lady In Red
72 CatZilla February 4, 2011 at 4:15 pm: I want to know what other pages come up when you search that phrase…

Let’s see…

Huh…just you. Weird, I thought it was a pretty common saying.
CatZilla recently posted..You forgot to mention- You might shit your pants
73 Rajesh J Advani February 4, 2011 at 4:29 pm: You really need to write that “sexy teenage cereal box character coma-drama-rama” book. It would sell like hotcakes.
Rajesh J Advani recently posted..Being social- Celestial Conversations – 32
74 Tony Hunt February 4, 2011 at 4:30 pm: Dear Jenny,

You’re #1,2 &3 on google for this. Awesome.
Funny question though, which WP stats plugin are you using when you look at that? Or is it Google Analytics?

-Tony

I just use google analytics ~ Jenny

Tony Hunt recently posted..Imagining the worst- hoping for the best…
75 Elly Lou February 4, 2011 at 4:31 pm: That was so awesome it might my tooth hurt.
Elly Lou recently posted..Homesick Ukulele
76 Angela@beggingtheanswer February 4, 2011 at 4:46 pm: I’m sure it’s just people planning for Valentine’s Day….
Angela@beggingtheanswer recently posted..How Could I NOT Write About Pajama Jeans!
77 the psycho therapist February 4, 2011 at 4:50 pm: Eleventy forty nine years ago, on a reasonably popular and now defunct blog, this brought me dozens of hits on a regular basis–weeks, months, years, states and countries apart–
“holstein calves sucking cock”.

Who looks this shit up?
78 alonewithcats February 4, 2011 at 4:55 pm: I need more information. Is it a gay bird lover or a gay bird lover? Because that could change everything.
alonewithcats recently posted..I wished for a lot of tail In hindsight- I should have been more specific
79 One of The Guys February 4, 2011 at 4:58 pm: The most disturbing search on our site was: How to paralyze someone?
WTF!
80 carrie February 4, 2011 at 5:01 pm: i get the vampire, but wth is a gay bird lover?
carrie recently posted..We go together like…
81 Beth February 4, 2011 at 5:20 pm: And here I figured the #1 search would have had something to do with taxidermied woodland creatures. How silly of me.
Beth recently posted..Happy Furry Prognosticator Day!
82 mrs.notouching February 4, 2011 at 5:25 pm: Mine was “frozen banana ass”… but this month you win.
83 connie t February 4, 2011 at 5:27 pm: The wierd thing is they found your blog with those search words. The other wierd thing is why would so many people think of those things to search.
connie t recently posted..Holes
84 moooooog35 February 4, 2011 at 5:35 pm: Well. It’s true.
moooooog35 recently posted..Im pretty sure they only keep me here for the entertainment
85 Lori stefanac February 4, 2011 at 5:46 pm: Well, that’s just ridiculous. Who Googles for corpsey chocolate vampires? Typhoid infested cobras however, are totally understandable. I search for them at least twice a week.
Lori stefanac recently posted..Everything’s Better With Bacon
86 tracey February 4, 2011 at 6:03 pm: My blog is so boring compared to yours.
tracey recently posted..Does this make me a bad mom
87 mrtl February 4, 2011 at 6:03 pm: I just noticed you went to ASU. We lived in SaNangelo for a couple years. Don’t miss Concho water at all.

What did you do for fun there while you were in college? Did you ever get bitten by a spider or snake? Did you go Trick or Treating at the mall? (Seriously, moving to Alaska after leaving San Angelo, seeing kids trick or treating there with snow suits on under their costumes, only served to make SA more candyass with their mall trick or treating. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a candyass. I never went trick or treating in Alaska.)
mrtl recently posted..Win- Lose- or Laugh
88 cynicalbuddha February 4, 2011 at 6:21 pm: Isn’t that from Shakespeare?
cynicalbuddha recently posted..Samurai Mushroom Comics – Chapter 20
89 delenn13 February 4, 2011 at 6:31 pm: I don’t know what to say here either. Just saying.
90 The Weed February 4, 2011 at 6:40 pm: You know what really strange and arbitrary sounding phrase people have been getting to my blog with within the last week? “Did I ever tell you about the time I got thrown in jail in Venezuela.”

That was your doing Thanks for that.
The Weed recently posted..Blog Redesign!
91 Jerry February 4, 2011 at 6:46 pm: I’m pretty sure Google is doing this….redirecting and then stealing phrases to make it look like it wasn’t their fault. I’m not saying it’s a conspiracy but there is too much oddness going on….aw hell, it is a conspiracy.
92 Simone February 4, 2011 at 6:53 pm: that’s nuts. everyone knows vampires are not chocolate flavored.
Simone recently posted..Don’t be a sell out
93 Nikki Rules February 4, 2011 at 6:57 pm: Aren’t all birds gay?

The weirdest google search that came to me was “a picture of a real bear humping a green bay packer” and then I get about 20 hits monthly coming from the weirdest site ever: http://www.thebloggess.com

? my cyber house rules
94 Rico Swaff February 4, 2011 at 7:21 pm: Sometimes I feel like the world is small and I can really accomplish something with my life, but times like these reminds me of how big and strange the world actually is and it is disheartening. Thanks a lot Jenny! ;( (jk,jk,jk)
Rico Swaff recently posted..I Am Allergic to Cold…No Seriously- I Really Am and Here is Proof
95 Wendy Altschuler February 4, 2011 at 7:29 pm: What!?!
96 Bodaciousboomer February 4, 2011 at 7:49 pm: Shit, my keywords are so boring by compare. WTF could I be doing wrong?
Bodaciousboomer recently posted..Can you tell fact from fiction
97 Libby February 4, 2011 at 7:59 pm: Can we add this to the list of Things That Could Actually Make Your Head Explode?
Libby recently posted..Late at Night- She Experiments With Webcam
98 Pablo February 4, 2011 at 8:09 pm: So after reading this, I did something I never thought I’d do in my life: I Googled “no one’s going to be able to relate to a romance between a corpsey chocolate vampire and his gay bird lover.” Surprisingly enough, you turned up in the results. That’s when it hit me: I’m a fucking moron. Of course, you’re gonna turn up. You wrote a post about it. What I’m saying is that you’ve made this a self-perpetuating cycle. Next week, you’ll have a 1,000 “no one’s going to be able to relate to a romance between a corpsey chocolate vampire and his gay bird lover” keyword searches in your analytics.
Pablo recently posted..Treaty Reduces Nuclear Stockpile to Gazillion
99 steph gas February 4, 2011 at 8:19 pm: a chocolate vampire? are those special for valentine’s day? or is that a veiled reference to the black vampire in twilight?
steph gas recently posted..tequila and critical thinking dont mix
100 Dani February 4, 2011 at 9:15 pm: I am pretty sure all vampires are corpsey as they are DEAD. Nothing to see here, people.
Dani recently posted..Sunday Sweats- The Walk-In Closet Edition
101 Fred Miller February 4, 2011 at 9:37 pm: This is why that computer named Watson is going to get his ass totally kicked by Ken Jennings and that other guy on “Jeopardy” in a couple of weeks.
Fred Miller recently posted..“It’s a Wonder You’re Not Still a Virgin”
102 natalie February 4, 2011 at 9:52 pm: baffling? no. a proud moment in your blogging career? fuck yeah!
natalie recently posted..This probably isnt a good thing
103 emily illinois February 4, 2011 at 10:06 pm: my analytics just says ‘fartpartment’. so. yeah. i honestly don’t remember your above quote and i’m on your page all. the. time.
emily illinois recently posted..Watching a living nightmare- Jersey Shore
104 EdT. February 4, 2011 at 10:52 pm: I bet it was someone who stumbled on your blog, then sent the phrase to 88 friends saying “LOOK AT WTF I JUST FOUND!!!”

~EdT.
EdT. recently posted..Some Real Killer Spamm
105 Hearher February 4, 2011 at 11:20 pm: Oh, heh, that was me. I was shooting for 100 searches, but I had to stop to pee and then I got distracted.

No, not really. WTF? Some days I worry for you.
Hearher recently posted..Its me again
106 Alexandra Dare February 4, 2011 at 11:24 pm: Hmmm. I don’t understand why anyone would search for that. It’s obvious that EVERYONE would relate to a romance between a corpsey chocolate vampire and his gay bird lover.
Alexandra Dare recently posted..Don’t touch my shit
107 elisa February 4, 2011 at 11:50 pm: I just wanted to let you know that I love your blog and read everything on here in a two week span. You have inspired me to start writing again. Thank you!
elisa recently posted..Im like a crotchety old man these days
108 harmzie February 4, 2011 at 11:53 pm: Oh, sorry! That was me. Kept forgetting.
harmzie recently posted..Crazy! Search! Terms!
109 Stephanie February 5, 2011 at 12:04 am: that totally relates to you… wait… yeah, no. totally relates.
110 Jack February 5, 2011 at 2:37 am: Keyword searches make the internet so much more interesting.
Jack recently posted..Writers Write Right
111 Amanda February 5, 2011 at 3:12 am: Is the corpsey chocolate vampire sparkly? because then it would totally makes sense that he has a gay bird lover. This also brings an interesting dynamic to the “don’t ask, don’t tell” debate.
112 Jules February 5, 2011 at 8:35 am: 89 people? At least you know if you write a short story about that, 89 people will buy it.

Something to think about.
113 Margarita | On the Rocks | Lots of Salt February 5, 2011 at 10:04 am: Awww, freaks are cute…especially in packs.
Margarita | On the Rocks | Lots of Salt recently posted..Falling Down the Mountain Day 1 – Salsa with Carrots- Yall
114 Julie the Wife February 5, 2011 at 10:29 am: Wow. I read this and thought, “Hey, I haven’t checked Google Analytics for my blog in a while” and when I did check, it said my blog had 2 pageviews in the last month, which I know is wrong b/c mom has been there at least 3 times, but I don’t want to change anything and jeopardize the $79.82 I’ve built up over the past year. SO.

I’m going to post “corpsey chocolate vampire and his gay bird lover” and dramatically increase my traffic.
Julie the Wife recently posted..Its Whoreticulture Friday! Issue 56
115 Kendahl February 5, 2011 at 10:42 am: It’s true. No one is going to relate, because gays love chocolate and therefore, would eat the corpsey chocolate vampire. Common cents.
Kendahl recently posted..Tillamook cheese! What else
116 StephQJ February 5, 2011 at 11:16 am: I’m betting you did a little squeal of joy when you saw that. I would’ve wet my pants from laughing, but that just kind of happens after you birth a couple of big babies.
StephQJ recently posted..Boots and shoes under the sea are done with a whiting
117 Drizztdj February 5, 2011 at 12:22 pm: Are chocolate vampires like chocolate bunnies and you eat the ears first?
Drizztdj recently posted..Mister Mister
118 Johi February 5, 2011 at 12:34 pm: I thought that you might like to know that I was bored and googled “Bafflvating” and google asked, “Did you mean buffalo mating?”
Johi recently posted..My brain is like my dogs poop in the neighbors snowblower also known as the poo fountain- and why I am a bad neighbor
119 Laurie February 5, 2011 at 12:41 pm: After reading (and loving) your blog, why would you even question that? It all makes sense. p.s. did you see my comment yesterday about your name being used on TV? was it really you? Now that’s what you should check out.

I looked but I couldn’t find anything. ~ Jenny

Laurie recently posted..Breakfast- Lunch or Dinner- Pick One And Just Eat That
120 furiousBall in Jail February 5, 2011 at 1:31 pm: I’m just happy that the made-up sexual weather phenomena phrases have passed, SEO guys had longtail boners when looking at my keywords…

“scrotal tornado”
“meatstaff tsunami”
“butthole sleet”
“torrential bukkakke”

Somedays I think it’s just best I don’t write nothing at all.
furiousBall in Jail recently posted..How About Some Goodness
121 Kathy Matthews February 5, 2011 at 2:01 pm: Hi Jenny, that is very odd. Most strangers find my blog by Googling something to do with Billy the Exterminator. I learned that it is a good thing to title a blog post after a new t.v. show. Maybe you can make a t.v. show about vampires and their gay bird lovers? I bet that lots of people would watch it! I would.
Take care, Kathy
Kathy Matthews recently posted..Tyler Matthews and TCU-
122 StephanieC @ Seriously?? Really? Seriously? February 5, 2011 at 4:08 pm: I dunno. I have a few gems. I mean, real, true head-scratchers that make you question the sanity of those around you, but STILL never CLOSE to that interesting.

I mean, hell, I would have to think if they were looking for YOU specifically, that “The Bloggess” would be easier to remember than “no one’s going to be able to relate to a corpsey chocolate vampire and his gay bird lover”

Your life is pretty damn interesting.

The most interesting thing in my life as of late has been my new puppy’s stool. That’s right, poop. I bet you are SO jealous right now.
StephanieC @ Seriously?? Really? Seriously? recently posted..To Love A Pet
123 SuzRocks February 5, 2011 at 4:14 pm: Actually, all 89 of those google searches were from me. On 89 different computers, just so not to confuse your google analytics. I just wanted to make sure that you really were the authority on chocolate vampires and chocolate lovers.

What can I say? I’m thorough.
SuzRocks recently posted..Why you’d really hate your life if you had cancer and went to CRNA school in the jungle
124 Jessica February 5, 2011 at 4:45 pm: I tried googling some of the terms that people have apparently searched that led them to me…I ‘m pretty sure I could be arrested for viewing some of the things that came up. Also…I couldn’t find myself in some of the search results so all of the analytics people are probably just big liars and they’re siting in their offices being all computer savvy and sending us on wild search term goose chases because they know that they’re smarter than us and we really don’t have any idea what’s going on. Bastards.

Sorry. I just watched “The Social Network” andI’m nursing a grudge against computer geniuses…
Jessica recently posted..Because loud noises are poop circles are fun
125 stacebird February 5, 2011 at 4:50 pm: you better be careful or we’ll start using your keywords in our blogs since they are obviously where the money is!
stacebird recently posted..Where the heck to begin
126 rebecca February 5, 2011 at 5:53 pm: you know whats sadder…no one comes to my blog through any keyword search…I’m not that popular…I guess I should be blogging about chocolate vampires and gay bird lovers???
rebecca recently posted..Just a moment!
127 Amanda February 5, 2011 at 6:45 pm: I’m trying to figure out why this suprises you lol
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128 Carolyn February 5, 2011 at 8:52 pm: I don’t understand. How else do you think I initially started following you? And I like the person’s idea about posting those keywords in their blog. Think how much you could help all of us newbies out here who want to increase their traffic if you posted your top five keyword searches? I’d fit them into my posts somehow for sure.

LOVE your blog. Still. All the time.
Carolyn recently posted..Im Really Quite Bitter About the Whole Do Not Call List Thing Because its Ruining All My Fun
129 Katt February 5, 2011 at 9:52 pm: That just makes me feel uncomfortably warm and fuzzy… Now why is that?
130 linda@adventuresinexpatland.com February 6, 2011 at 6:43 am: Wow. Just wow. Enough to make you afraid to check into your google stats ever again. However, being the optimist that I am, when life gives you corpsey chocolate vampire romance with gay bird lovers, make lemonade. Try sicking them on your annoying e-mail ‘friends’ who try to sell you something and never unsubscribe you (of the previous post). Gotta believe corpsey beats anything they’ve got to offer.
131 Kathleen B. February 6, 2011 at 8:09 am: Well, I think that may possibly win the award for the oddest search ever! Hilarious.
Kathleen B. recently posted..Do You Believe in Conspiracy Theories
132 HerMelness Speaks February 6, 2011 at 11:41 am: Palin got airtime; Bush ran the country and Michael Jackson morphed into Elizabeth Taylor so one must suppose anything is possible. HMS
133 Brooke Farmer February 6, 2011 at 1:06 pm: “Brain cancer jokes” leads to mine a lot.

I never know whether to be flattered or appalled.

And I really want to know who these people are that are googling brain cancer jokes. I wish they would leave something in the comments that says “Hey, I found your blog by googling for brain cancer jokes,” and then I could ask, “Ummm… why are you googling brain cancer jokes?”
Brooke Farmer recently posted..Im not even good at interpreting regular dating signals- much less this
134 Angi February 6, 2011 at 2:03 pm: WordPress, you statistics no longer impress me. I’m going over to google, where they clearly have unicorns smoking the pot and making up search phrases.

That, or people really are concerned for the emotional well-being of chocolate vampires and bird lovers…or gay bird lovers…
Angi recently posted..I’d rather have a UFO in the house…
135 cathy February 6, 2011 at 2:32 pm: who uses that many words in a search?
Really!
136 Lise February 6, 2011 at 4:59 pm: He could feel the 60% coacoa butter content setting fire to his veins, causing his fangs to instinctively extend to their full and terrible length. He was emaciated and weak from the long nights spent without feeding, but still inexplicably gorgeous. Hernan had selected a most luscious feast for him, a box of assorted truffles shaped exactly like a flock of tiny blackbirds. At the moment, he stood at the window, binoculars in hand, commenting on the migratory patterns of quail. But soon, very soon now, his passion and hunger would be sated.

I’m SO SORRY, but I couldn’t help myself. It had to be done.
137 Lise February 6, 2011 at 6:20 pm: Omg, it’s a lover who is a bird, isn’t it? Not a bird-lover?

I’m REALLY sorry.
138 Lyd February 6, 2011 at 6:57 pm: That may be one of my saved searches…thanks for drawing everyone’s attention to that!
Oh wait, that was me.
Carry on
139 James February 6, 2011 at 7:09 pm: There’s a slight possibility that 80 of those searches are mine.
140 Mrs. Tuna February 6, 2011 at 8:59 pm: Are you getting family and friends to search your blogs? Or are you doing it yourself to make you number go up?
Mrs. Tuna recently posted..What’s Your Sign my Little Zodiac Killer
141 Marissa February 6, 2011 at 11:23 pm: A. I want to apologize for writing this 2 beers away from being wasted. B. if you really think about it thats a good question because all the vampires are really a popular topic and by mostly teens, therefore the teens are really more focused on Twilight which doesn’t have enough race differentiated vampires. That or its completly related to valentines day and chocolate that is associated it with it, which would make a lot more since (wow my fingers are really tingly that means i should chug another one, I rarely drink, does that make a difference? nah didnt think so) (I had to reread everything to know where I should finish after the last set of whatever these “(” are called) (reread). Anyway the vampire is already dead which means if it was chocolate for valentines day its a corpse chocolate, and birds are usually the marshmellow things for holidays, which could be used for valinestines (I cant spell anymore I chugged the last one)(And marshmellow birds for vday could be doves).. Walla/!! VDAY marshmellow doves and chocolate vampires that would resemble corpse. BAM that google search this blog.. because youve talked about twilight, birds, marshmellows, and corps (google searches, and dog (So sorry about BJ)
142 Marissa February 6, 2011 at 11:23 pm: so almost drunk sorry abou5t rant
143 Marissa February 6, 2011 at 11:24 pm: the 5 in about is silent
144 Bat Cave Twidget February 7, 2011 at 6:12 am: Is corpsey even a word? That’s an awful lot of people all making up the same word. Huh, guess there really is no original thought left out there.
Bat Cave Twidget recently posted..Hamlet of Happy- Things Don’t Break Here &amp We Have No Butt-Wumpers
145 knows not what I do.. February 7, 2011 at 7:41 am: Wicked cool, corpsey is my new favorite word of the day. I shall try to input it into random sentences all day!!!!

“Oh I can fix that it’s just running a little corpsey today”

Luff it!!!
knows not what I do.. recently posted..We charge extra for split personalities
146 knows not what I do.. February 7, 2011 at 7:42 am: “Your hair is doing an awesome corpsey thing today”
knows not what I do.. recently posted..We charge extra for split personalities
147 The Barreness February 7, 2011 at 9:26 am: Wow. Totally jealous of your search phrase, Jenny.

All I ever get is “nipple pleasure” (interesting) or “Javier Bardem’s cock” and really?

If Javier Bardem’s cock were anywhere near the vicinity of my blog, I would never EVER leave my house.

Seriously.

- B x
148 followingtheroad February 7, 2011 at 10:50 am: I’m not going to admit what I searched to find you the first time.

Okay- I would totally admit it if I could remember. But I don’t because that was years ago. I barely remember what I had for breakfast (Chocolately corpsey vampires with a side of gay bird? Possibly), let alone what led me to you years ago. Let’s just assume it had something to do with hiding my stabby tendencies behind kitten gloves.

Gawd. Kitten gloves sound almost nice until you realize what they really are.
followingtheroad recently posted..This is sort of about knitting and sort of about my Angst Sort of
149 Christina February 7, 2011 at 11:48 am: Of course you made me curious and I had to google it. I must say, TOTALLY WORTH IT.
Christina recently posted..What Ive Done
150 Susan February 7, 2011 at 12:35 pm: Will google it once I’m feeling less corpsey. Not kidding.
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151 Whea February 7, 2011 at 1:12 pm: Of course, you know the zombie apocalypse is near when the most plausible explanation is a conspiracy.
152 Jessi @ Quirky Cookery February 7, 2011 at 5:51 pm: Lmao! Isn’t GA amazing for stuff like this? People search for the silliest things.
153 Alysha February 8, 2011 at 9:05 am: Well, you actually wrote that sentence back in 2009 (I googled it) so maybe someone thought the post was hilarious, decided to steal it for a comedy skit, and 88 people in the audience tried to find the skit online. That must be it.
154 Naked Girl in a Dress February 9, 2011 at 4:37 am: I get some strange keyword searches as a result of having “naked girl” in my blog title. What entertains me the most is that men (well, I am assuming it is men), a great deal of them, think you spell girl, gurl. So many “naked gurl” searches. Did anyone learn to spell in school??
Naked Girl in a Dress recently posted..When is the Right Time to Tell the Guy you are Seeing About your Blog
155 Jon February 11, 2011 at 9:10 pm: I just got two hits from searches on “abandoned bride, night throws down her jewels of rome—on”

The best one I ever got, though, was “Cher’s ovaries”
Jon recently posted..Dissent among Philippine separatist MILFs
156 Morraha January 15, 2013 at 1:54 pm: Well….. what kind of lover would folks relate to in reference to a chocolate vampire?
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