Really, Ferris?

I’ve been looking for Ferris Mewler for two hours.  I finally gave up an told Victor that he must have slipped into a wormhole.

Or it could just be that he’s an asshole.


339 replies. read them below or add one

  1. This is just one of the many reasons I have dogs.

  2. Ok totally random but I have the same teacup with the face! It used to freak me out as a kid. LOL

  3. –>That’s why we have large dogs. They’re easier to find in hide and go seek.

    WebSavvyMom recently posted Strike a Pose.

  4. I accidentally catnapped our cat and nearly took her to work with the yesterday. Cats are devious creatures trying to make our lives more complicated – IMHO.

  5. 5

    My cat Jack is an asshole like that too…

  6. Hahahahaha.
    I like the wormhole theory. But cats are cats, and we all know it’s the latter.

  7. My dog is a total asshole like that. Him and Ferris should hang out, and have asshole parties.

    Stephanie recently posted Your Daughter Isn’t a Whore For Taking Birth Control – But It’s Not Rush’s Fault Either.

  8. did you stand in the kitchen and say “Mewler? Mewler?”

  9. Looks like a rock on hand gesture. He’s just keeping you on your toes.

    Kara recently posted Mike Nesmith on the passing of Davy Jones.

  10. Really? I told you to get rid of that damn squirrel. Juanita creeps me out. At night, she slips into your room and steals little pieces of your soul. She uses those to fund various junkets to club baby seals and spread meth to over-privileged children.

  11. That sneaky little S.O.B ;) I wonder if cats get great amusement from watching their owners freak out. My cat does this to me every now and then, and I’ll walk back into a room that I was LITERALLY just in…and she’ll be staring at me from out of nowhere and be like “What’s the fuss? Food now? Food box this way…”

    Amy recently posted Bunnies for Joplin.

  12. Hahaha.
    I like the wormhole theory. But cats are cats, so we all know it’s the latter.

  13. Ha ha ha I absolutely love your sense of humor.

  14. *sigh* Cats. They’re so beautifully good at being so deliciously bad. ;D

  15. My girl Thelma does this to me a lot! And dogs have their own issues, our one dog snores worse than any human I’ve ever heard!!

  16. I think mine might be a bigger mother fucker than Ferris. This is where I found him the other day.

  17. Our cat does this. I tend to find him in the void under the bed. Even when he wasn’t in the bedroom.

    I blame wormholes.

  18. 18
    Catherine Burden

    The reason I have a dog, okay and allergies but really, who wants a cat that is an asshole?

    Catherine Burden recently posted Mom’s holiday.

  19. I find Her Royal Highness Princess inside the bathroom cabinet shedding her long black fur all over the white towels. She is a BITCH, so it stands to reason that Ferris is being an asshole.

    Sweety Darlin recently posted Ladies Undergarments MATTER!.

  20. My dog likes to hide right behind me, and then gets horribly offended when I step on her.

  21. My cat is a real son of a bitch. Y’know, like figuratively.

    Jamie the Very Worst Missionary recently posted The Final Freaking Rose..

  22. It’s creative. If I were able I’d totally sleep on top of the hutch, too.

    Joy Ribisi recently posted Recipe Scrapbook.

  23. I suspect Ferris is actually a Cheshire cat. But a totally backwards one, since the last things to have disappeared are his ears instead of his devious smile ….

    Angie Kinghorn recently posted What should really scare you about the election.

  24. With your recent Matthew Broderick photos, I briefly forgot your cats name. Although this picture is awesome, I was mildly disappointed not to see Matthew Broderick dressed as a cat, perhaps playing with a ball of twine.

    Susan recently posted Shabby (Chic) For Hire.

  25. 25

    This passes for humor nowadays?

  26. They just want to lord it over us foolish weak humans. My cat likes to do this too, but first he makes sure to knock over at least one of the vases I have displayed up there. Cats are dicks.

    Reneesance recently posted Turquoise Floral Hawaiian Tent Dress Vintage 1980s sz S/M/L.

  27. Reminds me of the time Kiki (my cat) was lost for some four hours, to the point we were looking through the streets, only to find she had somehow managed (to this day, I have no idea how) to get to the top shelf of my closet and decided to take a nap in one of the open boxes up there. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hug her or strangle her after what she put us through.

    This is her, ftr. Little smug asshole.

  28. We once had 2 WEEKS where we were looking for one of our cats. The food would disappear, but we couldn’t find her for love nor money… turns out that she had made a ‘nest’ (for want of a better word) in the cabinet under my brothers bed.


    Stewart recently posted My money is on Noddy.

  29. Oh that’s hilarious, yet incredibly frustrating for sure! Did you leave him up there, or have to go after him to get him down?

  30. Go Ferris! My cat would hide all day, and I’d be convinced that he’d finally succeeded in one of his constant attempts to slip outside. Then after all hope was lost, hours later he’d casually saunter out of the extra dimension he’d been hiding in and be all casual, “Hey, what’s up?”. It was an especially fun activity for him when we were trying to do a nose count before leaving for a weekend trip.

  31. 31

    Maybe he’s expressing his inner Garbo. “I vant to be alone.”
    But probably not. Cats are assholes, after all.

    Handflapper recently posted Things I think about while peeing in the shower. What? Don’t judge me before you even read the damn thing..

  32. Bad Ferris, bad!

    CeeCee recently posted Vegetarian or Omnivore?.

  33. Oh, cats and high places!

    Kathleen recently posted Whew, Wow, and Women!.

  34. Visiting a friend with cats, she and I went out, left my husband there watching sports. Came back, he had spent HOURS searching for one of the cats, totally distraught and sure it had gotten out. We assured him they hide. He would NOT believe us, was upset, angry with our lack of concern. Finally Jean sighed, walked in the kitchen, picked up and rattled the cat food box and said in her very happy high come to dinner tone “COME EAT.” and out the cat came.

  35. I see the cat, but I’m more concerned that you are apparently hoarding a shitload of fucked up dinnerware.

    moooooog35 recently posted The BIG Problem with Jax.

  36. I don’t mind the hiding so much, but the full-speed launch attack when they tag you ‘IT’ is pretty disconcerting after all the quiet. Which is exactly why they do it.

  37. You should submit this to :)

    Kathie recently posted Office - craigslist.

  38. 38
    Prop Widow

    Been there. My guys tend to burrow into the bottoms of recliners (yes, tearing out a corner of the bottom cover) when we have visitors.

  39. Ferret, squirrel, they’re the same damn thing, and Juanita is the asshole.

    Hey Trace, is Kiki single? Tell her I said: “Mrrow mrrrrm chirp chirp prrrrr mrow mrow meeeeeooooooowwww grrrr.”

  40. My Grandmother fed our cat one Summer while we were on vacation. The cat got out, and she spent hours looking for him. And the entire time, he was on top of our fridge.

    Anna recently posted Blood Is Thicker Than Sweat......

  41. Damn, I was looking for him _within_ the cupboard for so long… XD
    This just proves that we are idiots for looking for a cat in the first place. Why are we doing this anyway?
    And that’s why we love cats – because they are free as free can be.

    :3 nyan!

  42. I’m glad my little dog can’t climb things like cats can. I can’t imagine how many deteriorating milkbones would be in places I can’t reach.

    Amanda recently posted in which the war against bad parking becomes violent.

  43. I love the cup with the face! It’s awesome. So jealous that you have one of them.

  44. Yeah, my 2nd cat uses my clothes as a ladder to get to the top of my closet… I’m with you.
    But he doesn’t bark or pee on the couch, so I let him live.


    WilyGuy recently posted F is no longer for Failure: Phail!.

  45. I have TOTALLY had this happen before! We used to have this apartment with a “computer nook” and one of our cats would get up on top of it all the time! Took us a while to figure out where he was going when we couldn’t find him, and never could figure out how he got up there. I’m surprised I haven’t found him on top of the china cabinet since we moved, but maybe the magical levitation doesn’t work on the china cabinet. Maybe I should keep a chair by the cabinet to see if that helps.

    Cassondra recently posted My Traveling Red Dress Experience.

  46. Sneaky sneaky kitty. He’s up there playing the worlds longest game of hide and seek. Game on Ferris Mewler!

  47. Obviously Ferris wants a bell!

  48. What I would do is mix up half a bag of Warfarin, and a couple of raw eggs in a tin pie plate, and leave it on the table for him. There are shelters full of nice cats that won’t fuck you around.

    Birdman recently posted A guy got his arm cut off….

  49. hahaha!! Cats are evil creatures..they’re known to hide in “kitty space” places that you’ve looked and can’t find them, but come poking / crawling out 5 mins later.. i say shoot a spitball at ’em! LOL!

    Gypsie recently posted Only Tuesday and needing a couple shots of tequila...

  50. 51

    Maybe that’s where the wormhole entrance is. Did you think of that? Where else, besides the dryer, would be a more perfect place for a wormhole?

  51. My cats are total assholes like that too. I feel ya, girl.

    Jennifer K recently posted I Want To Join The Mile High Club....

  52. I feel like an idiot. I kept looking IN the cabinet trying to find the cat. I kept thinking ‘how the hell did her cat get in there???’ Oy! I’m having a case of the Mondays on Tuesday.

    Deanna recently posted No soup for you!!!.

  53. 54

    Our cat crawled in thru my daughters open top drawer and was laying in the drawer below it. Yep… adorable fuzzy snuggly assholes. Thanks for the panic attack you furry lil dick.

    Also I have that tea cup with the face too… LOL or my mother does in her cabinet… i smell a world domination plot. Or it could be the sleep deprivation talking…. either way.

  54. LOL….mine will crawl into any slightly left open dresser drawer and have selective hearing when being searched gi.

  55. When I first saw this, I thought of the Brian Wilson/Taco Bell/Black Ops commercial. You know why you couldn’t find Ferris? Cause he’s black ops!!

    Cat’s make the best spies. Or ninjas. Or ninja assassins. Or assholes.

    Jack Reafman recently posted What's it all about?.

  56. Yeah, my dog could never climb all the way up there. And she is very bad at hide and seek. It’s more like “Imma lay right here in the middle of the floor so you can keep tripping over me” seek. Not quite as challenging.

    I can just see Ferris peering over the cabinet, watching you frantically search for him and giggling his ass off. Do cats giggle? This one probably did.

    Misty recently posted Spreading the Love (Not like that!).

  57. The caption under the photo sums up what every cat owner has felt at least once since getting a cat. I almost spit out my soda. Thanks for the much needed laugh this morning, Ferris!!

  58. Ferris says: “YEAH really.”
    Ever heard of Schröedinger’s cat? Asshole hid in a box and then became simultaneously existed & non-existent. Supposedly cause of quantum…though was probably just being awkward.

    Claire J recently posted Springtime Runnings.

  59. My cat is an asshole for breaking all the eggs today and leaving me dead birds to clean .he also woke me up way too early like at 5am, he us having his nuts cut off on Thursday, justice elk be fine.

  60. My cats do that ALL the time. And I’ll look and look and freak out and think they’ve gone to Kitty Narnia. And then they are right there infront of my eyes the whole time! Its random!

    Lesley recently posted I have a Secret....

  61. I have two cats and my little one, Nola, loves to hide in new and different places. The couch in my basement has a blanket over it (to cover up the old and ugliness of it). I remember the first time she hid under that blanket. She’s so little (only 7 lbs) that it took over an hour before I realized that there was a slight lump under the blanket. UGH!!! But, once I pulled up the blanket and saw her adorable face looking up at me, I couldn’t stop laughing. They may be assholes but they’re funny, fuzzy, adorable assholes! :-)

  62. Hahah that’s adorable, I love it. Just his ears sticking up.

    Mayor Gia recently posted Animals Giving Awards, Part I.

  63. The whole time he was laughing at you. You know that, right? “Haha, woman. Mock ME on the internet, will you?”

    I have this fear of finding a pet that has died underneath a bed. It’s irrational, but I always drop something or clap really loudly when I see a dark lump of fur underneath a bed. It’s usually a stuffed animal which kinda sucks because the stuffed animals don’t MOVE. So I have to TOUCH IT. With a ninja sword, actually. My husband still has one from his “days of being a ninja” or, as I like to call them, “dorky days of junior high.”

    tracey recently posted May the Odds....

  64. Damnable bastard! Ferris Mewler has been talking to my Millie-cat. With a name like Millie you would think she’d be all quiet and demure. No. Unless she’s trying to freak me out by hiding somewhere for hours so I think she’s been abducted by aliens or pod-people. S

  65. I’m not sure what that frog thing is in your cabinet, but it’s freaking me out.

    And yes, Ferris is an asshole.

    New Mommy Confessions recently posted Holy Crap I'm A Featured Blogger.

  66. Ninja kitty is fussed that you noticed him. Now he will have to make a new Evil Plan (tm, pat pending) for World Domination.

    Bon recently posted Part One is Done.

  67. I have SO been there. We have 4 cats. One of them is the same kind of asshole as Ferris. We went on vacation and my parents couldn’t find him the ENTIRE time we were gone. They were certain they had let him outside by mistake or something. We get home, my dad tells me this whole long story about how they’ve been looking for Boots for days, can’t find him, got flashlights, looked everywhere, etc.

    Literally 2 minutes after my dad walks out the door, Boots strolls out into the living room from whereeverthefuck he was hiding and looks at us all like “what’s all the commotion?” ASSHOLE.

  68. Yeah. Been there. Done that.

  69. Our cat, Lucifer, quite enjoys getting up there and knocking down all of my pretties….something about shattered ceramics and glass make her happy.

    Kayla recently posted Apparently I Have an Extra Eye (Minus the Ball).

  70. 71

    Clearly the wormhole has an exit/entry point on top of the china hutch! ROFL

  71. Nothing hides better than a cat!

    Brenna recently posted Thanks. Thanks a LOT..

  72. You gotta love cats.

  73. I’m with Ferris, actually. Juanita is kind of freaky scary.

    Elisa recently posted Elisa and The Rednecks.

  74. He was totally in the wormhole, right up until the moment he decided to let you find him. One of my cats got locked in a cabinet by a ghost once, and he deserved it. Stupid cats.

    Chuck Baudelaire recently posted Republicans Terrorize African Villages.

  75. 76

    Obviously, he wants to make you think he’s magical

    Imperfectmomma recently posted Guess what?.

  76. When I was in high school, I lived on the edge of town in a rural community. Our cats were indoor/outdoor, and we would occasionally lose one to a local owl or coyote. So when your cat went missing, you’d better fucking look for it before it’s position on the food chain changed. You know the ‘three hour’ rule for missing children? That’s how it is for cats in our town. When my cat turned up gone one morning, I spent all day looking for him, asking neighbors, looking some more.

    I was on the verge of tears, thinking he’d spent the rest of his lives, when my Mom found him. She’s terrible about getting dressed in the dark and/or in a hurry. That morning, she had opened her top dresser drawer, grabbed what she needed and got dressed. Slammed the drawer shut just before she left. That night, she was putting away clothes and voilà! There was Velcro, little fucker, sleeping in the drawer as he’d been all fucking day. He’d never made any sort of noise, despite my sobbing and pleas for his safety. Bastard.

  77. I think your frogs are gasping for air. Maybe they’re claustrophobic.

    Kat recently posted A conversation with an adolescent boy. It could happen to you..

  78. With my girls, that’s the *first* place I look.

  79. 80
    Graylin Fox

    I know exactly how you feel. Diva wakes me up by knocking over the trash can in the morning and then hiding in the office chair under the desk.

    *sympathy hugs*


    Graylin Fox recently posted Coming Home snippet.

  80. And I’m not sure Ferris’ ears look so much like the ‘rock on’ symbol as they do Satan’s horns…

  81. You know he was up there laughing his whiskers off at you.
    Cats are evil that way, (I can relate)

  82. My cat disappeared a few years ago. We could hear him meowing, and I figured he had somehow managed to get in the walls. I had no idea how he got there or how we would get him out. I later found him in the toilet, he had climbed in and knocked the lid down. He was soaking wet and pissed that I laughed at him.

  83. I love cats — they add so much ‘excitement’ to our lives ;-)

  84. And of course he was absolutely silent while you wandered around calling him, snickering into his grimy little paw.
    My cat’s a bitch — she snarls at the puppy just because he exists; sometimes she snarls at his crate when he’s outside.
    You and your readers might enjoy this:

    sheriji recently posted Goldberg, Variation 1, Take 1.

  85. Bahahahaha! Thank you Lydia #8 – you started my day with coffee coming out my nose.

  86. 87

    I think this is why I have a dog, but they can be assholes too ya know!!

  87. Cats in my life come running when I shake the little bag of fishy treats. They also wait until I’m asleep before they JUMP on me if treat bag was empty. Then they snigger.

    Marisa Birns (@marisabirns) recently posted This Day Forward.

  88. 89
    Susan Brunjes

    awesome – nothin but the ears…

  89. I am fostering my kids’ cats while they are apartment hunting. My own cat reacted to this in a manner reminiscent of Juanita, which would be irrelevant, except that when I try to give each of them space, the newcomers (or interlopers, depending on your POV) head for spaces my old cat can no longer get at and then ambush us. The first morning it was, indeed, the top of the kitchen cabinets. (I dust up there about once a decade, so I guess I should be grateful to have that job done for the next ten years or so, eh?)

  90. Cats are whores.

    the muskrat recently posted in a parking lot, nine years later.

  91. My cat is a dick. He only runs out the back door at night. He’s black. And I never have shoes or a flashlight handy when it happens.

  92. is that teacup winking? that is fucking horrifying.

    Betty recently posted Open Apology Letter. I am sorry for getting belligerently drunk at the company Holiday Party..

  93. 94

    He´s on a cabinet! A LVING cabinet!
    (Sorry, I couldn´t resist.)

  94. all I can do is laugh! :-D

  95. He is clearly a double agent. A motherfucker double agent who believes that his best disguise involves blending in with cabinetry.

  96. Just put a bag (or a box) on the floor of the kitchen. That’s what we used to do every time one of our cats went missing, when I was a child. Always worked like a charm. A cat cannot resist a canvas tote. Cannot resist!

    Sarah recently posted Turning.

  97. 98
    Leatrice Caffey

    Perhaps Ferris Mewler was just jealous of all the attention that Matthew Broderick was getting for his awesomely random spatula & egg pics.
    Speaking of which, my boyfriend actually suggested that I start an all-out random pic campaign on facebook to get you to accept my friend request. I told him I already sent you a pic of me with a camel & how, pray tell, did he expect me to top that? His suggestion was that we ask John Cleese for a random pic with a stoat to send to you. I didn’t even know what a stoat was, but apparently it is a weasel type creature and my boyfriend doesn’t think John Cleese would mind holding one for a picture to send to you. My obvious reply was, “Can’t we just find a stuffed one and buy it for her to add to her collection?” Alas, my boyfriend doesn’t think you can be bought with such taxidermied things. I agreed that you couldn’t be bought, but that you could probably be rented at least long enough to accept my friend request on facebook. Any thoughts?

    Until then, I will be sending you random pictures daily…because I care.

  98. This TOTALLY reminded me of my story :)

    Especially the picture of “half” a kitty! haha Love your blog!

  99. I sometimes tell my kids their cat got out and send them looking for him just so I can have some peace and quiet.

    Amo recently posted He Comes By It Naturally.

  100. This is why I love my cats. They’re bigger assholes than I am. I learn a lot from them.

    Katie recently posted Here we go again.

  101. That picture! Priceless. The cat’s name is genius, but I would expect nothing less of you Bloggess! :)

    Charity recently posted So Long, Suck Town.

  102. 103
    Leah Adams

    My cat is a bitch. That can’t hear and likes hiding under the covers or deep in the pillows. I’ve looked all over the house for her, and only accidentally found her. Several times. Bitch. At least I’ve learned all her hiding places.

  103. Cats are evil. This is why you should just have a big dumb dog. You always know where they are because you are constantly tripping over them.

    tamaratattles recently posted How did Kendra Davis Become Kim Zolciak's Landlady?.

  104. It’s amazing how they can just disappear whenever they feel like it, no matter how big or small the living space you’re in is. And it makes me feel so much better that they’re bitchier than I am :)

  105. Apologies if someone’s already shared this, but take a look at

  106. This picture made my day…

  107. “The question isn’t ‘what are we going to do,’ the question is ‘what aren’t we going to do?'” In this case, your Ferris has decided to sit on the top of the cabinet and watch you freak the hell out. It could be worse – he could be joyriding in your priceless Ferrari.

    Rebeccah recently posted Trouble Don't Know The Day.

  108. Kitty Fail. You can see him. Ferris needs to try harder.

    I have had to resort to the can opener on a 50′ extension cord with a can of tuna to find mine sometimes. They KNOW I am looking for them, they want to stay hidden, but the tuna … It calls …

  109. 110
    aliea hernberg

    it was his day off…

  110. In Ferris’ weak-ass defense, points should be awarded for finding a new spot to avoid you after living there for that long. He’s an innovator.

    Kate recently posted Gratitude = Addictive.

  111. I had the same thing once. I came home, walked into the kitchen, heard meows, and after awhile (15 minutes, but it was a small apartment) took this picture:

  112. I think I’m more disturbed by the contents of your cabinet – wtf is up with the frogs, cat and winking tea cup?

    wendy recently posted Finding the perfect jeans.

  113. lol, I only wish my dogs would disappear for about two hours…where ya going mom? what are doing in the laundry room, mom? can I stand at the sink with you while you wash your face, mom? can I stand in front of you while you pee, mom? Yes my dogs call me mom, and no they don’t care what Husband does unless he is in the kitchen.

    Tina, Escrow Goddess recently posted The Happiest Place on Earth....

  114. I HATE it when my cat does absolutely the same thing! Fuckin’ Cats!

  115. haha Cats are evil, but life might be boring without them. Our cats do the same thing. My husband’s cat has one way to get her out of any hiding place: open a can of wet food, her fat ass comes RUNNING from where ever she was hiding!

    Rea recently posted Sometimes all you need is a good snuggle.

  116. LOL! Reminds me of the time that I spent an hour looking for my gigantic calico cat, only to finally hear faint mewing from my overstuffed sweater drawer. I still have no idea how she actually fit in there…Cats are jackasses.

    Stephanie recently posted Marinara con Lenticchie (because everything’s better in Italian).

  117. 118
    Alyssa S.

    I’m pretty sure he used the wormhole to get up there. I bet he has all of the missing socks from your dryer up there with him

    Alyssa S. recently posted When Barbie gets interrupted by aliens.

  118. LOL oh no, as staff to 3 cats, they are ALWAYS assholes.

    Marti recently posted Random Tuesday Talk.

  119. 120

    I love seeing the title of your post in a feed reader and wondering “will it be about her cat or about Matthew Broderick?” You are the best.

  120. Your cat is an asshole, and your dishware mocks you.

  121. My cats are both well behaved angels.

    *snerk* Sorry I couldn’t say that with a straight face. They’re awful little shits at times.

    Kat Rowley recently posted I Dream Of England And The Rain.

  122. Don’t you know that cats really think their name is the sound of a can opener opening cat food, or other cat foot related noise.

    mousebert recently posted This is Annoying.

  123. Naughty cat!! My cats do that to me too. But they come out if I get out the bag of whisker lickins cat treats. I think they are addicted and I am going to have to have an intervention.

  124. I was envious of a friend’s beautiful Pottery Barn dinnerware at her house last night. Now I am envious of your bizarre china choices. I mean, it’s easy to be “cool” if you just have Pottery Barn pick everything out for you. Or you can be randomly, actually cool. Or maybe just disturbed.

    Mary recently posted Monkey Bay Sauvignon Blanc 2010.

  125. Normally, if I haven’t seen her in a while, mine comes running for the treats; but about 3 times a year, she just doesn’t. After I’ve gotten myself completely worked up (I’m unreasonably protective of her because she’s a bit “special”, so I kind of freak out… okay I freak out a lot) she’ll saunter in, yawn, and demand treats. I don’t know why they like making us want to throttle them, but I think it’s to make sure our devotion is abject enough.

  126. 127
    Here Kitty Kitty

    Awww, ColbertsMonkey missed the memo that there’s a required number of cat posts for anything anywhere in the internet.

    Colbert, if you haven’t posted about a cat recently your internet privileges are in danger of being yanked.

    Also, I thought it was kind of funny.

  127. 128
    Kate Foster

    Ferris Mewler’s Day Off?

  128. I have 2 kids that do that. Not sure my wife would appreciate me calling them assholes though.

    Rob R recently posted Time to Fill Out Your March Family Madness Bracket!.

  129. It’s a Jedi mind trick. Just go with it and have a nice cuppa tea.

  130. Possibly the creepiest Kitty photo ever caught on camera…or just my daily dose of horror.

  131. My cat does this. He actually has a hiding place that we have yet to uncover. He’s smart, too – waits until we’re on the other end of the house to come out so we don’t know where he came from. Bastard cats anyway.

    kendahl recently posted Spring Into Health giveaway!.

  132. We had one cat the used to sleep in a kitchen cabinet next to the fridge. The only way we’d know if she was up there is if we kept that cabinet full, so she’d have to make room, by pushing something out. If we’d come home to a mystery box on the floor in front of the pantry, then we knew where Annie was sleeping… (we learned the hard way not to store the light bulbs in her cabinet.)

  133. 134
    Rumble Kitty

    You can’t name him Ferris Mewler and not expect him to take a day off!

  134. 135

    Of course cats are assholes! (a)We feed them better than we feed ourselves. (b) They ‘let’ us pet them, on their schedule. (c) They get the best seat in the house; So,naturally they feel entitled to be assholes! ;)

  135. 136

    I don’t think, this counts as my cat being an asshole, maybe just a moron, we spent hours looking for her, we took a break and my brother sat down on the couch when she started meowing. So we went snd checked the attic. Nope, she had found a hole in the couch and was stuck in the couch… Another hour and full can of tuna later we were able to guide her out.

  136. It’s especially annoying when they find a new hiding place, isn’t it? Plenty of times I’ve wandered around my apartment yelling her name.

  137. The Kilroy of cats.

    Jim W. recently posted The Greatest Blog Ever Posted - by me..

  138. I tend to find cats being assholes far more often than dogs.

    Interestingly, my fiance (who is allergic to cats) said the other day “I kind of wish we could have a cat.” I was shocked.

    Jen recently posted (Not So) Tasty Tuesday March 6 2012.

  139. I just wanted to say that inevitably your posts make me laugh and somehow worm their way in to make me actually feel better for an amount of time worth noting (at least to me). I’m bipolar, and even on medication some days are a LOT harder than others. But sometimes, I need laughter that I cannot ignore more than I need a pill. Thank you for that! =D

    TitianJupiter recently posted Ugg....

  140. This is why we should all have dogs. Because cats are assholes. Period. Dogs are never assholes. Stupid, they can pull off stupid really well, but they’re never assholes. Cats like to fuck with you then gossip with all their cat friends about how much of a moron you are. If Steven Hawkings has a cat, you know that little ball of crap is off telling his buddies horrible things about the poor man.

    tl:dr – Cats are assholes. Period.

    The End

  141. This is why you should put a bell on a cat’s collar. Asshole cat is annoyed, and he can’t sneak up on you. (Said by a person who is so intimidated by her cats she would never attempt such a feat).

    Emily Guy Birken recently posted Closing the Night Kitchen.

  142. Yeah, we almost missed a flight once looking for our cat. I still don’t know where she was. She just came sauntering around the corner like “What? Why are you calling me? I was sleeping.”

    Vicky recently posted Does this basketball make me look fat?.

  143. I returned home from vacation & was unable to find my cat. My first thought was that she got out when my friend came to check on them, my second was that she found some way into a spot & had died. After scouring the house in a panic, I found her IN THE COUCH. Alive too. Thankfully.

  144. 145
    Lisa Litviak

    must be a cat conspiracy today. I could not find Stitch this morning either…

  145. 146

    when I first got my cat I had to leave him with my mom for a summer. After 2 hours of searching she called me frantically telling me she had lost the cat. My response, “look up.”

  146. I have a ninjacat.. have sat on her more times than I care to think Had to move the cover some to see her for the pic here-

    Meg recently posted Feeling Nostalgic.

  147. I don’t think I’ll ever lose Phoebe. Usually I’m trying to get her to not sleep directly on my face.

    Lindseh recently posted I was probably meant to be a housecat. But they put me in the wrong body..

  148. This is just one of the many reasons I have cats.

  149. I once shut my cat in the coat closet on my way out the door to work. Poor thing was in there the whole day and tore out a HUGE chunk of carpet scratching to get out. Surprisingly, she didn’t pee or poop on the floor in retaliation. I do believe she peed on the bed in retaliation for not getting fed that day.

    I had her declawed the next week. Cause I’m an asshole like that.

    (She lived until she was 13, so don’t judge me. And I don’t declaw anymore.)

    Chelle recently posted Dear Really Annoying Loan Guy.

  150. hilarious

  151. I sure do love cats.

  152. Ferrisbomb!

    bschooled recently posted Teenage (Eye)Role Model.

  153. Sookie loves to hide. She scared the shit out of me when I made the bed yesterday morning. I pulled the duvet up. She was between it, a laundry basket, and a crap basket. All I saw were eyes as she looked up and meowed. Definite ‘win’ in her column.

    Karen Sanders recently posted When You See My….

  154. I love your use of the word fuck, even with your fancy published writer status.

    Ferris is one of those “if it doesn’t kill you it will make you stronger” things.

    Stronger or more confused.


    Stephanie C | Seriously? Really?? Seriously? recently posted The Lab Puppy Walks The Great Dane.

  155. But also, can we talk for a second about how I’m kind of in love with all the creepy ceramic animals living inside your china cabinet? Because I totally am. The end.

  156. You have a ceramic cat (and frogs) on display in your china cabinet??? Now, I have put up with your crazy cat lady cat shit for years, missy, but this? I don’t know if I can deal with this. You’re as bad as my fucking mother-in-law.

  157. This is why I don’t look for my cats.

    Granted, I had two cats (one two years ago, one six years ago) run away and I didn’t realize for a couple of days. Those were VERY UPSETTING EVENTS that I’m really not over yet. Nonetheless, day in, day out, I have much less anxiety because I don’t spend hours looking for cats.

    My sister spends hours looking for her cat and gets upset when she can’t find him. Then she finds him. I think I’m happier.

    Deborah Lipp recently posted The Walking Dead—Episode 2.11: Judge, Jury, Executioner”.

  158. My retired in-laws used to have two cats. I swear they spent 90% of their free time looking for the cats or talking about looking for the cats. And whenever they finally found them, the cats were always fine. Maybe that’s why they got them. What else is there to do when you are retired?

  159. That cat has a major attitude problem. He could probably use some kitty Valium or weed. Side note, I have the same frog vase. Majolica rocks.

  160. 161

    We have a hangar cat who is a total asshole. He went MIA for 4 months, then strolls back in like nothing ever happened. He frequently climbs inside our aircraft and hides out.

  161. Such is life with cats. One of mine opens and closes doors for sport. I wish he did this instead.

    Stephanie recently posted Superheroes and Sidekicks: A Guest Post by Tricia at Stream of the Conscious.

  162. Among the hundreds of daily comments you receive, you may or may not glance this one. But in case you do, I just wanted to tell you that every time I see you’ve posted something new I get excited. Like super excited. You’re a courageous and phenomenal woman and you inspire me to write more about the things I wish I read more about. And I think I’m getting ready to. Rock on, my friend.

  163. This is why I love dogs. I like organization too though, so I can appreciate that Ferris can be neatly tucked away on top of a cupboard.

  164. PS – I also pretend we’re friends now. Just so you know.

    Lindsey recently posted And Then Murphy Came Home.

  165. I first thought Ferris Mewler was the ceramic cat INSIDE the cabinet.

  166. Not unlike his namesake…

  167. Beware: next time he will probably bat at you or jump on your head as you walk by.

  168. Of course he’s up on the hutch. All the better to look down upon his lowly subjects, the humans.

  169. 171

    My Cassidy hides creatively too — but I know that he loves to hang out on top of the cabinets (better view of the birds outside I guess), and since I have never dusted up there in the 10 years we’ve been here, he leaves little kitty paw prints all over the black granite counter tops he’s not supposed to be on. Sometimes he throws up on them too for good measure….

  170. My peaches does that … even better, she discovered that there is a zippered compartment on the bottom of the cocktail ottoman in our living room, managed to unzip it, and then climbed inside for a nap … little brat!

  171. I love that only his ears are visible. I don’t have 4 cats. My 4 cats have a pet human.

    Michael recently posted A Small World Afterall.

  172. 174
    Waffle Queen

    Ferris Mewlers Day Off.

  173. one time the carpet guy came and i couldn’t find my cat anywhere. she was burrowed into a bag full of socks in my closet and i finally caught the glare in her eyes. DAMmit mooey. for sure they are somewhere just staring at you going, “what a dumbass; i’m right in front of you” as you call them repeatedly.

    downfromtheledge recently posted Contemplating Suicide? Why You Shouldn’t Kill Yourself. My 2 Cents..

  174. I have five cats, and the realtor came yesterday to give the house the once-over. She counted four. Then she recounted and also got four, but it was a different four, and she didn’t realize. She did this several times before I corrected her. Cats love to dick with people.

    Sarah B. recently posted So....

  175. I don’t think being an asshole and using wormholes are mutually exclusive possibilities. I say this because I have cats and know them well.

    Karen Snow Drake recently posted Buckle Up Buttercup!.

  176. My sister’s cats do this when I check on them when her family is on vacation. They have ten cats (not a typo), so it can be hard to get a visual on all of them. One of them sent me into a panic when he not only hid from me on every visit, but he also took a few hours to surface when my sister’s family returned home. I thought for sure they would eventually locate him by smell. Damned cats.

  177. Ha ha! Last time one of my cats went missing he turned up under the bath. He had even managed to get under there without disturbing the bath panel. We found him just before he vanished down into the floorboards. Little horror.

    Sarah Rooftops recently posted Putting the Cheap Chocolate Down.

  178. My family believes that every now and then when our cats just completely disappear that they tesseract to somewhere else a la A Wrinkle In Time. What we have dubbed “Tessercating.” Though, in your case, it I definitely think that Ferris is a jerk.

  179. snort…you have a ceiling cat!

    Kathy in KS recently posted One month in….

  180. Ours scaled the wall studs in the unfinished basement laundry room, and got between the ceiling and main level floor of the rest of the house (rest of the basement was finished. Only to crash through the water access panel in the adjoining bathroom. Once we secured that, she couldn’t get down on her own, and would meow through the vents upstairs for us to come rescue her. Cats ARE assholes.

  181. 183
    Gretchen SB

    Ah, Ferris, you little rascal! Thanks for making my day, Jenny … again!

  182. Awesome. My own little miss Monkey-Fur Pants Delirium ‘Vulgarus’ loves to sit on the top of things. Especially if they have things for her to knock upon the floor.
    Oh fur-children, how colourless and boring our lives would be without them.

    Kaitlyn recently posted Mousecapades.

  183. I stumbled across this today and thought of you. My two faves: Dr. Who and cats!!

  184. I find it amusing that completely unrelated to your blog, my husband started calling our cat “feris Mewler.” I tried to explain to him that he got it from you because of some inter-spatial mind linkage, despite his claims that he didn’t even know you exist (he does, I’ve shared many conversations with you and Victor, which he assumes were between a same-sex couple because, unless told otherwise, he assumes all speakers are male so he can better relate to them and I had apparently not informed him otherwise) and that even though you came up with it first, it’s his idea. So are robot chickens. At which point I had tried to explain that no, it’s robot TIGERS and METAL chickens, but then my mind blew up at the possibilities of a Robot Beyoncé. army.

  185. Hahahahaha! That was awesome. I laughed till I peed a little. That Ferris is a rascal. I have a 20 lb. Maine Coon that will disappear (not an easy task) and after looking and calling and shaking his bag of crack and figuring that he must have gone out (he can actually open doors) I’ll come around a corner to have him sitting there all smug and shit and scare the crap out of me! I think they are shape shifters.

    Cindy recently posted To forgive.

  186. Whew. I kept looking for his body inside the cabinet.

  187. LOL. I was just doing this Sunday. I went all over the house looking for one of my cats and decided to give up and get a snack out of the fridge. When I opened the fridge, he batted at my head from the top of the fridge where he had been hiding. Scared the holy crap out of me. The asshole thought that was hilarious and ran off. SMH.

  188. Once when we moved we ran around looking for our Tigger for and entire day. He was happily sleeping in the linen cupboard oblivious to the fuss. Bastard.

    Vivian recently posted Lets Synchronise Our Laptops.

  189. What a twatwaffle….. We have the same problem witth our ferrets…. They are always finding new and intneresting places to hide… Like in the freshly cleaned cats litter box.

  190. My asshole cat likes to run into the closet (as I’m closing the door) in the morning while I’m getting ready. He doesn’t come out until I find him later…after he’s been shut in there for 12 hours…and has peed on things.

    PJ recently posted AerialPJ: @paulidin @kerryjor Yeah - I'll take some of that action. Wonder Woman & Green Lantern!! #Awesome.

  191. Cats are like Bill Maher – self-proclaimed assholes!

  192. Did he escape to your grandmother’s house?

    Karan recently posted The Sistine Chapel.

  193. My cats are assholes like that too, especially when one of my boys has left the door open and I’m worried that my indoor cats might’ve wandered out into the great abyss and are now terrified and in great danger. I should know better. If a door opens to the outside, my cats run in the other direction.

    Amanda recently posted Sweet Tripper.

  194. Cats are so weird. I have to check all of my closets before I close the doors to them because our cat has gotten inadvertently stuck inside them on many different occasions. And then I spend hours looking for her, and when I find her locked in the closet in my daughter’s room, I pray she hasn’t shit somewhere inside.

    Jaime recently posted I'm also grateful I didn't beat them.

  195. 197
    Melinda Griffith

    Last Christmas was interesting when my cat (Kitty) realized there were two other cats (DB & Riri) in the house. Riri stayed in the bottom right dresser drawer, Kitty got in the drawer above her and DB stayed under the bed. I couldn’t find them but my daughter knew just where to look. She said, “Oh, Riri gets in the drawer all of the time.” Never knew they could get in there on their own.

  196. Why is it personal that he’s in a place that you, by the way, can’t find him? Cat’s think even less about what you need and want than people do… ;-)

  197. Mewler? Mewler?…

    C @ Kid Things recently posted Like Water Down the Drain.

  198. Funny because I just saw this: and INSTANTLY thought of Ferris Mewler!

  199. Did the asshole take a lick out of the butter dish first, or is this just my asshole?

  200. I still think wormholes could be to blame. He was really gone for hours in another dimension where he was chased by rabid tuna and cake. Then he finally found his way back and his ears are really saying “YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I’VE SEEN”.

    All I’m saying is poor kitty.

  201. Three-legged dogs have a harder time disappearing, but somehow Prada still manages it. Probably because she looks like a lump of lint.

  202. 204
    Heather in Ottawa

    Once I freaked out while looking for my kitten – white with black spots, not hard to find. Looked everywhere. Turns out he was IN the box that I moved out from under the bed while looking for him. He had climbed inside it and my husband found him after I tearfully called him at work because I’d ‘lost the cat’. They are SO sneaky that way.

    Heather in Ottawa recently posted A Question Without An Answer.

  203. Hmmmm….I wonder what Ferris Mewler would think if you put a taxidermied cat in that spot.

    Judy recently posted Why You Must Not Hop On Pop...Before Bed.

  204. I can’t have cats because I’m allergic– but this cat is rad as shit.

    Charity recently posted Fuck you AND your fucking fish..

  205. And that’s why cats are awesome.

    Me, Ed and Pea recently posted This n' that.

  206. Also, is it wrong I feel a strong, almost uncontrollable urge to straighten the shit in your china cabinet?

    Charity recently posted Fuck you AND your fucking fish..

  207. I have a cat who can hide so well you sometimes don’t see him for a day or two… just when you think you’ve really lost him…he reappears…not the least bit worried that everyone else was frantic. There is a reason he is called Phantom. One of my mothers cats LOVES to be in high places… Of course she is a snob (even by cat standards) so I think she just hides up there so she can spy on everyone and look down on us.

  208. I once spent an hour looking for my cat Robin. Then I gave up and decided to grab a soda from the fridge. There he was sitting on top of dessert. No one was entirely sure how long he’d been in there. He seemed to be okay. Maybe a little miffed that his plans to cryogenically freeze himself had failed.

    @websavvymom I was playing hide & seek with my nephew the other night until I told him I had to go home to Winston (my 98lb American Bulldog). My nephew asked me if Winston likes to play hide & seek. My brother started laughing and said “Buddy, I don’t think Winston would be able to find anyplace big enough to hide him.”

    Rachel recently posted Buns of Steel... or not.

  209. If I were a cat, I’d totally hang out up there.

    nikkiana recently posted Exploring Highbridge Park.

  210. Thats hilarious! Thanks for making me laugh, not having a good day.

  211. I thought that was him on the shelf above the wine glasses.

    Bob the Water Cat recently posted Rae Releases End Dolphins.

  212. For weeks, I could not figure out why my jars of salt and pepper kept falling off the top of my microwave oven. Then I saw something remarkably similar to the photo you just posted in my own kitchen. Apparently, my spices were getting in the cat’s way. (*&$#(*& cats. Good thing they are so… wait, doesn’t Ferris Mewler like to attack things that walk by the Christmas tree? Has he found a new launching pad? Beware, Bloggess, beware.

  213. Apparently we have the same taste in frog pitchers. Or you stole mine and I am unaware of it. Or we live in parallel universes. I’m leaning toward one or three.

  214. Clearly, it was Ferris Mewler’s day off.

    So sorry, couldn’t help myself. And my cats, before they weighed about 75 lbs, did the same thing. Now they are anchored to the earth.

    "Susan Says..." recently posted Good News, Thy Name is Cupcake....

  215. We have 4 cats (as well as 4 dogs and 2 hamsters, but that’s another story entirely) and all of the cats will periodically disappear, sometimes for days. We used to worry, but they’ve always reappeared so now we’re not so stressed when we don’t see one of them for a while. I’m convinced that cats have access to an special feline Tardis and take off and jaunt around the space-time continuum when they get bored with napping, just to fuck with us. I’m pretty sure that’s true because although all our cats are indoor cats, I opened the front door to leave the house on Saturday morning and one of the cats was sitting outside the door. I stepped aside and she blithely walked into the house. No one had a clue how or when she got out.

    Jami recently posted Going for a record.

  216. Cats are assholes. I put out some butter to soften for baking one day, then realized I’d forgotten something and ran to the store. When I came back I found tongue prints in the butter. I’d lived in that house for three years and that was the first I knew I had that the cat had been jumping on the kitchen counter, which she knows DAMN WELL is not allowed.

    Now we have a ridiculous little dog that the cats hate, so no more coming into the kitchen for them!

  217. I also find it amusing that you actually look for your cats when they go missing. Who does that? Oh. See? This is why I shouldn’t have cats (though I swear I haven’t lost any… lately)

  218. My cat is never more than 5 feet from me while I’m at home. He’s like a guard dog, but twice as courageous. Saved my life once, I tell ya. Actually just finished an article about it to be posted in about 2 weeks.

    He’s a manly cat among cats.

    Sedge | noob-dad recently posted Everybody’s Name Sucks.

  219. Cats are such funny creatures!

    Motherhood on the Rocks recently posted TOP TEN REASONS I LOVE BEING A MOMMA.

  220. @Sedge

    And that’s why we put up with the occasional asshole behavior. When I had my total breakdown both my cats were right there. At least one of them was within arms reach the entire time. If I was still she was in my lap, if I was moving she would shadow me. They even took turns eating.

    They talk about dog loyalty, but nothing compares to what those cats did for me.

  221. Our cat, Pepper, was in the wormhole. I searched for her for an hour, I thought we sealed her up in the floor ala Edgar Allen Poe (we’re currently remodeling) and just when I was going to make hubs pull up the floorboards, she comes sauntering in like she never even left….I know better.

    Dulcie recently posted missing smoosher thingy.

  222. He is just waiting for that shiny cat on the top shelf to move.


    Who’s your Daddy, teacup?

    hogsatemysister recently posted Saluting My Writing Mentors After 32 Years And 200 HOGS.

  223. Fortunately my house is small enough that my cats do not easily slip into wormholes, and when they do it’s usually because they snuck into the closet while I was getting dressed and are locked in there.

  224. What does he think of all of the taxidermy animals it what I’d like to know. That shit would freak my pets out!

    Amy recently posted Think before you breed. A (semi) serious post..

  225. Cats actually have transporter technology…they just aren’t sharing it with humans until we stop rationing the cat-nip.

  226. You were SOOOOO meant to have Ferris Mewler. He truly is the perfect cat for you.

  227. ‘Mueller? Mueller?”

    Elizabeth @ Bella Vita recently posted Happy Meals & Miami.

  228. I love that you were able to catch him in the act!! Don’t you just love the furry four legged family members!

    Mishka recently posted MCP Change Up.

  229. Dogs can be as bad. Mine comes to get me at least three times a night to do her bidding. I am the night shift. Be it she wants a treat, wants to play or wants to lounge on the bed which she is too small to jump up on, I am her slave. Am sure it isn’t supposed to be this way.

  230. I have a chihuahua that half the time I “misplace” her, she is walking behind me. She’s so little that I don’t even hear her footsteps.

    The pugs… not so much. I know where they are at from all their grunting and snorting.

  231. When that happens with my cat, I ask my hound/terrier dog to find him. I could search for hours, but it never takes him more than 2 minutes, no matter where the cat has managed to hide. This morning he located the cat inside the layers of covers of my son’s bed. Not only can I not figure out how he managed to work his way in, I couldn’t even tell he was there!

    Karen recently posted SUVUDU Death Match.

  232. Ferris is a clever cat, yes he is!

    I brought my adorable little cat when my family moved nearly 2000 miles, Idaho to Kentucky. It was a one-way trip…we aren’t going back.
    Day 1, we traveled out of Idaho and through Wyoming, stopping in Wyoming for the night.
    My kitty (Lily, Tiger Lily when she’s in trouble) got carsick for the first time and I freaked out and called my grandma for advice (“Granny, Lily’s foaming at the mouth and what’s going on is my cat dying??????”). Keep in mind, this was in late July of last year, and it was boiling hot out, so I kept spraying her from a squirt bottle. She was understandably very angry at me.
    Day 2, we got into Nebraska and stopped in Nebraska for the night.
    We were all in one room and agreed to let Lily and our dog, Oddball, roam the room overnight. Oddball spent the entire trip loose in my dad and brother’s car, but Lily was in her carrier with me and my mom.
    So, overnight, there was a really big storm…the thunderclap woke my parents up. It didn’t help that my dad got partially woken up by a cat running across his face.
    The next morning, we’re all woken up by my dad crying “Lily???? LIL-LEEEEE!!!!” and when my mom asked him to be quiet (it was about 7am and we were asleep) he yelled that he thought the cat had gotten out. He had been going in and out of the hotel room and out to the car, and all she had to do was slip past his legs, out the room door, and follow him outside.
    I was awake instantly, running around the room everywhere. By the time I pleaded with other guests to let me know if they saw her, I was bawling. “She’s…she’s a very small, tabby cat, she’s gray and black and she’s small, her name is Lily, she’s really sweet, oh god I’m never gonna see her again…” I walked about three blocks in every direction from the hotel, calling for her, tears streaming down my face. There was a huge field out in back of the hotel. It was around 9am when I finally told my dad that I understand…we need to get a move on. He had to be at work in the new town on a certain day. We couldn’t delay our trip. We need to go.
    That was when my mom came running out of the hotel yelling that they had found her. The stupid fucking (forgive the language) cat was under the bed. Who knew that hotel bedframes aren’t solid! I do, now. The mattress my brother and I shared had slid down just enough that Lily slipped under it and into the nice quiet dark place when that big thunderclap scared her. When the nice hotel maintenance guy helped my mom and brother lift the bed, she came sauntering out, just as calm as you please. I spent the ENTIRE rest of the trip alternately sobbing and craning around in the seat to stare at her and reassure myself that she was still there.

    Of course, at the next hotel we stopped at, she was a pissy little witch, but that was because my brother, who is a moron, dropped a fucking three-inch-thick book (about the size of your average huge dictionary…about as big as a Harry Potter book, probably) on her. We made a new rule that before anyone left the hotel room they would have at least two sources keeping an eye on the cat or else she was in her carrier, the carrier was locked, and both of those facts had been triple-checked.

    By the way, she’s perfectly fine now, peeing on my bed when she’s bored and wants attention and chasing bubbles. I found ice-cream-scented bubbles at a store recently and right now I’m using the chocolate-scented ones. Dual function of room freshener and kitty exerciser. Unfortunately she hates the sound of the automatic bubble-blower and the catnip-infused bubbles sink straight to the ground, they don’t give her a chance to run after them very well. I wish she liked the catnip bubbles…I’m terrified I’m gonna get pulled over sometime and a cop is gonna look through my purse and find a suspicious baggie full of catnip. How the fuck do I prove it’s catnip??!

  233. At my house the cat would have just committed felinicide as the dust on top of the cabinet would have choked him to death as soon as he stirred it up… guess it’s a good thing HeMan Hubby won’t let anything else that eats or poops come in the door… having a hard enough time trying to get rid of the ones that are already here!

    dawn aka BusyMom recently posted Common Courtesy... Not So Common.

  234. Thank you for providing me with yet another great reason to prefer DOGS, and continue saying no when my kidlet asks for a cat. :D

    Redneck Hillbillies recently posted Redneck Wedding Invitations.

  235. looks like something my cat, STIG, does

  236. Have you checked to make sure there aren’t any stuffed rodents missing?

    Expat-Mom recently posted German Birthday at Pocket Money Prices.

  237. he’s a stealthy asshole, that’s for sure.

    Simone recently posted Anonymous Strikes Again (bad comments).

  238. sigh* ….. cats freakin’ cats……. >^.^< of course are you sure that's not Batman atop your hutch??

    and as to song lyrics – oh no you are not alone: my stepson (bless his little heart) was super good for lyrics rearrangements: AC/DC (ask Victor, he'll know :-) Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap – try Dirty Deeds Thunder Chief – cause that makes sooo much sense. Or another song by Linkin Park – lyrics "these wounds they will not heal.." new and improved version "…these worms they will not leave.." or his sister with the Joan Jett classic "I love Rock-n-Roll" "put another dime in the shoebox baby (cause you know she didn't know what in the hell a Jukebox was -uggh) Soooo there you go

  239. Hi Jenny! That winking head-cup creeps me out. I linked to you on my blog today! Check it out!

    Sarah recently posted Bloggin'.

  240. There is absolutely no reason why it can’t be both. He used the wormhole to hide BECAUSE he’s an asshole. Sounds like a cat to me! Mine stole the milk out of my breakfast cereal this morning; sounds like a cat, yeah, except it was SOY MILK. I should send a testimonial to the company that they make soy milk so much like real milk, even the cat drinks it.

  241. I was sitting on the bed talking on the phone the other day while folding clothes and was scared shitless when one of the cats crawled from the open fourth drawer of my dresser into the open third drawer and jumped out. Don’t know when she got in there or how long she was, but that wormhole theory is awfully interesting.

  242. I love Ferris, he is such a pain in the ass. So, OK, I guess he is an asshole!

  243. 246

    What really freaks me out about this picture is the teacup. IT’S LIKE YOU’RE DRINKING BRAINS. Are you secretly a zombie? cos if so then you’ve really been leading us on about that. And probably about how to kill them too. Maybe fire and beheading really give zombies magical superpowers like a fricking giant Hydra, you know you chop of one head and it grows 3 back. That teacup is a horcrux.

  244. i think cats are jerks. I am guessing you were probably calling for him. He heard you and just sat up there thinking about how stupid you are.

    Brett Minor recently posted The Awards Fairy Came By.

  245. my cat Neige-neige was the mistress of hiding out… in the 15 years we had her we never found all her hiding spots… we knew some… but she could hide out for up to 3 days IN the house!
    that pissed me off b/c I like to do Cataccounting before leaving the house locked up…
    all the cats were indoor cats… but better safe than sorry… and I didnt want them lock into a room either barred from their litter boxes…

  246. I have the same Bailey’s mug!!! And the same hiding place for my bastards, I mean cats, scratch that, I will stick with bastards…

  247. or, he’s just a cat being a cat…

  248. 251
    Star Austin

    Mewler…? Mewler…? Mewler…?

  249. hahahahahahahha

    omg well played FM well played

    Lori recently posted first page.

  250. Yep. Cats are assholes like that. Love your blog. Thanks for always making me laugh. You’re almost worth starting a twitter habit for . . . .

  251. What a hiding spot.

    Theresa Milstein recently posted Rise of the Novelette.

  252. I think he just saw the bat signal and had some crime fighting to do… or napping. Whatever.

    Valerie recently posted The Sloth that Saved the World with an Effortless Grin.

  253. I had a similar problem with my black cat. Couldn’t find him anywhere, and we live in a two bedroom house! Finally, I gave up and went to bed. I tossed my clothes into the laundry basket, and that’s where the furry little bastard was sleeping. I couldn’t see him because he was on top of bunch of black socks… He knew what he was doing – camouflage kitty.

  254. cats do this just to keep you on the edge of batshit. it’s true. they know exactly what buttons to push and exactly when it’ll make you the most crazy. they are the most intuitive animals on the planet.

    and that is exactly why you should only let dogs own you.

    Sj recently posted Be Happy! It's Adar!.

  255. AH HAHAHA!! You KNOW he’s been watching and thinking, “Juuuust keep on looking, bitch…keep on looking.”

    Ferris is such a damn cat.

    Carrie recently posted Sushi complicates life and yes, it matters I was born in March!.

  256. 259
    A nony mouse

    Really, Jenny this FM story filed under “Random Crap”. He deserves better. With all the taxidermic creatures you drag home it was only a matter of time before he could ‘see’ the writing on the wall. If’n he was really an asshole and ‘filed’ his crap randomly outside the box then perhaps your filing system & name calling would be justified. Poor Ferris Mewer what he must go though each day.

  257. Certain files have recently come into my possession, from sources that care not be identified, that contain photos incontrovertibly showing a mounted dinosaur skeleton holding twine. If this information is of interest to your organization, how might these photos be emailed to you? Twitter is not an option, for reasons that cannot be revealed at this moment in time.

  258. lol. best photo ever

    angelica recently posted bearing witness to misery.

  259. My daughter took an almost identical picture tonight of my cat (whose full name is Sir Wellington Fandango Destroyer of Worlds) on top of my kitchen cabinets, surveying his kingdom. The guy from ‘My Cat From Hell’ would say it means they are ‘tree dwellers’. i think it just means they like to scare the shit out of their owners by jumping down at them in the dark when they are getting a midnight snack from the kitchen…

  260. Hands down, the best part of the post ( aside from the small set of ears growing out of the top of the cabinet ) is the pic caption: “Motherfucker” – just so clear, concise. Just wraps up the little ass so clearly: “Motherfucker.”

    Maura @ Eve Was Partially Right recently posted Another Clean Eating Jarred Tomato Sauce: Gina Rispoli.

  261. Large dog, harder for them to hide…. small dog, loud and yappy and can get stuck in railings but not inside furniture…

    Hamsters are evil. Period.

    alfred lives here recently posted Dirty Sexy Plumbers....

  262. Had a sales rep come to the front door recently while Little Dude (our smaller cat, as opposed to Big Dude, our much bigger cat) was outside. Sales rep opened the storm door to knock on the inside door. I didn’t answer but talked to him through one of our open windows with the screen in it; it’s at a 90 degree angle to the door. Two hours later, I still can’t get the cat to come inside through the back door to the kitchen. I call him from the same open window, glance to my right to see if he’s in that section of the yard, and see him stand up on his back paws in the small opening between the storm door and the regular door. SRSLY!

    I blame the sales rep for this one, though.

  263. The thing is, those little guys think they’re so clever, but then they forget something obvious, like that their ears stick up higher than their heads (or that their tails extends beyond the end of their bodies).

    Tracie recently posted The Pork Knuckle.

  264. Well, I’m sure Ferris enjoyed that time. He’s probably can’t wait to go off and tell all his kitty friends about it.

    Teresa Hill recently posted She: Please don’t let him be more than 25. He: Please let her be at least 25..

  265. He must be related to my cat.

    PS: Still laughing at the “did you stand in the kitchen & say Mewler? Mewler?” comment. Bravo.

  266. was distracted from cat seeking by the ceramic frog. :-D

    Victoria recently posted Wordless Wednesday, Summer It's been too long.

  267. My cat does that all the time. But in his defense, Hawkeye is pretty brain damaged so …if he doesn’t respond to being called (and I find him on top of the kitchen cabinets) I figure it must be because he’s slipped into some kind of alternate dimension in his mind. And most everything is forgiven. Except the daleks. I’ll never forgive the daleks.

    — that guy with all the dogs (and sometimes a cat) Pine @ To Dog It May Concern

    Pine recently posted Participating in the Internetz.

  268. He picked that location so he could not be seen, but yet not miss the action of you busting your ass to find him. Brilliant. Well played Ferris.

  269. 272

    Dogs have owners…. cats have staff. Just sayin’ …

  270. My cat: gets in the attic, falls through insulation into a wall space. We can’t find the skittish, quiet little thing for two days – mostly because she would meow just once every few hours (not enough to triangulate her location). Eventually, she got desperate and meowed three times. Bam!
    Had to cut a hole in the wall to extract her.
    Stupid little shit.

  271. We should trade cats. I once put mine up on top of the entertainment center because the kids wouldn’t leave him alone, he cried like a baby until I got him back down. Evidently my cat is afraid of heights.

    Cat Davis recently posted iPhone Photography – The DIY Flooring Nightmare is OVER!.

  272. I see your cat on top of the cupboard, and raise you one of my cats stuck in a wall of our brand new house (about a week after we moved in):

  273. Aww. The cat just needed some “mew” time!

    Cheryl D. recently posted Did I Make the Right Choice?.

  274. Looking through the posts I saw someone post the TARDIS cat post. As a fellow Whovian, I have to share the weeping angel cat:

  275. My bitchy bengal was meowing from UNDER THE STREET, in our new neighborhood. My neighbor came over with a crow bar and helped me remove the sewer grate, so I could jump in and bribe her with treats. She did not take the bait…we gave up, and awaited the smell that would tell us she died in the labrynth of our local sewer run offs. But THAT would have been too easy. I was very embarrassed ten minutes later, when she popped out of a different grate, down the block, in front of the good neighbors house….I used to think she would die at the hands of a rabid coyote (we have those), but now I suspect she will drown under the street, when she goes there to take cover from the rain. That cat IS ironic, so I suppose that would be a fitting end.

  276. Had you have poured yourself a glass of wine, you would have found Ferris sooner. :)

  277. Part of this campaign to end the child army that Joseph Kony has made is to create awareness. You are one of the most visible blogs I truly support and believe in and you have the power to reach many. Please help Jenny!!

    Caitrin recently posted Self Diagnosis.

  278. bwahhahahhaha….I love your blog!!!!

  279. Perhaps there are mice on top of the cabinets…

    Lynn from For Love or Funny recently posted I’m blind, but I can see the refrigerator.

  280. I can appreciate a cat; but could never have one. Shit like that would make me crazy and I don’t need any help getting to Crazytown. I’m getting there fast enough on my own.

    Bodaciousboomer recently posted No rest for the wicked….

  281. I love this! cats are such sneaky little fuckers. Mine hides on top of my top wardrobe and then cries when he can’t get down, which is the only way I know he’s there.

    k-dawg recently posted Shit Clients Say.

  282. ever since i started reading this blog, i have felt as though i have found a kindred spirit. which totally sounds stalker-y, but i promise it’s not. it’s just very refreshing to know that other people have the same kind of brain as i do. :D thank you a thousand times for your blog and for being you.

  283. Fuck. I love cats.

    Britt recently posted There Are No Tacos Here.

  284. Are you perhaps involved in a long-term game of hide and seek that you didn’t know about?

    Suniverse recently posted March Resolutions. Screw you, January..

  285. 289

    Many years ago my aunt was checking on our cats while we were gone on vacation and she couldn’t find one of them. She looked and looked and called and looked all over the house and the yard, and just as she was about to give up and leave she noticed him relaxing on top of the fridge, calmly looking down at her. She was so pissed! :D

  286. Ha!! He’s awesome. Maybe he just hid up there because he knew it would result in a fantastic photo op.

    Kim D. recently posted reusing "spent" cand.

  287. One time I couldn’t find my cat and the next time I opened up the fridge he was in there! Luckily it had only been a few minutes….

  288. This is why I have horses and chickens. Shit like that lives outside.

    Carri recently posted I Bet You Want to Know What This Is..

  289. I thought you might enjoy this:

    If I wasn’t so allergic to cats, I would totally get one so that I could watch it be a dick.

    Maria recently posted Lessons in How to Complain Effectively.

  290. At least he’s not the kind of asshole cat mine is. She peed on a towel that had hidden itself in the middle of nowhere, and by the time we tracked down the smell, it had eaten right through the finish on our hardwood floor. Asshole.

    Monica recently posted Do you want Justin Bieber in your mouth?.

  291. it’s not just cats. after searching the neighborhood for my dog, i found him hiding in the laundry room (door open) laying in the clothes. he knew we were going to put him in the kennel because we were leaving…i know he heard me and i know he knows his name. he’s an asshole, but a smart asshole.

    SaraEllenAwesome recently posted Here’s what you should do.

  292. One time I couldn’t find my cat for four hours and was worried she was outside, I looked eveyhwere and she was under the comforter in the guest bed under the pillows!

    Virginia recently posted My last weekend with my friends.

  293. Bwahahahaha!

    Oh, if i had a nickel, and I know exactly how you were feeling, all scared and twisted up and just knowing he was somewhere watching and laughing up his furry sleeve. Which he was.

    All cats are assholes, no matter how much you love them.

    One of ours (Pyewacket the Puker) likes to sleep on the top of our bed furniture unit (about as high as Ferris is there) and jump off onto my stomach while I’m sleeping. She weighs about 9 and a half lbs. Motherfucker indeed!

    Grace recently posted Perspective.

  294. Ferris Mewler is probably just extremely scared because he sees all of the dead pets that you keep moving in to the house. He doesn’t realize that cats are a dime a dozen, and not worth the taxidermy fees. Dead weasels are a better pet anyhow. They don’t eat, shit or bite.

    Birdman recently posted Kirk Fucking Cameron.

  295. I think our cats are related. One of my cats is currently bathing on top of my china cabinet but when she lays down, she is invisible from the ground.

    Christine recently posted I've Done The Unthinkable.

  296. And that’s why cats will always keep you on your toes! My Gizmo hides on a regular basis and then just appears with that “why the f*** are you calling my name so much?” Love your blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  297. Yeah, one of mine got into a top kitchen cabinet and CLOSED THE DOOR ON HIMSELF. This was while I was loading the car to move. Freaked me out as I thought he’d somehow gotten outside and lost on the day I was leaving the state. Sometimes they are assholes. But when they are cute and cuddly and lovey it’s hard to remember the assholery.

  298. I know this doesn’t particularly relate to this post, but I saw this today and thought of you. I imagine you probably get a lot of “I saw this random taxidermy animal and thought of you” comments, so…it’s quite likely you’ve already met this little chap. Enjoy!

  299. I love you. I really do. I should have put this under the Matthew Broderick spatula post, but this has less comments, so maybe a higher chance you’ll see my declaration of love here. Beyonce got me hooked, things like Ivagination keep me coming back for more. I wish I had your brain. In a non-Hannibal Lecter way. Just to be clear.

  300. 305

    This blog alone may make me get a cat one day… seriously, TOO FUNNY. I love you, Jenny!

  301. You spend a lot of time looking for Ferris Mewler. Doesn’t he know you have shit TO DO? Like…look for him… That’s right. He’s a cat. Cat’s don’t give a fuck. My bad.

  302. Mr Mewler – very clever! He may have to be part of the Unicorn Success Club – perhaps even the new paws secretary!

    AnitaMac recently posted Cycling Across Canada: Banff and Lake Louise.

  303. All cats are assholes, I think it’s mandatory. Our cat use to hide on top of our entertainment stand, wait for my husband to get comfy in the recliner and close his eyes…then as he started to nod off, normally after being in the field for a week or two, Oreo would flying squirrel from across the room and cat bomb him. It was fantastic! I would always give her extra treats after those encounters :)
    Oreo passed away 2 weeks ago at a ripe old age of 15, she was a great cat and an annoying asshole and I miss her daily.

  304. he’s busy plotting, or possibly sulking, ok maybe both cats are very flexible

    Steve recently posted Kielbasa with sauerkraut.

  305. ummmm, the wormhole lets out on top of your hutch, just sayin’

  306. Cats live to make you look stupid in your own home. Dogs live to turn around and stare at you in public like you beat them all the time. I don’t know which one is worse, so I have two of each.

    Alice recently posted Respect – It’s pointless if it’s free..

  307. We have a cat who slides in under the duvet on the bed when kids come over, and actually – no kidding – spreads himself out flat so there’s hardly any lump. We also believe that cats can hide under the paint on the wall. It’s the only explanation for where they go.

  308. This is one reason why I love my dog to death because he finds things that takes me like two days to find on my own.

    Amber Johnson recently posted Educational Federal Grants for Single Mothers.

  309. I have 4 (long, not-so-funny story unless you like tales of near roommate homicide!) and they are indoor cats who have always had a whole house to run around in. Well, we moved and they’re scared of the rest of the house so they just stay in my bedroom. And one of them (I suspect the boycat) just LOVES to run across the bed at about 2am and step right on my boyfriend’s nuts. Doesn’t step on me at all, doesn’t even wake me up! (I suspect penis envy.)

  310. that’s a dick move, Ferris.

  311. Ferris Mewler? Girlfriend, you just totally dated yourself — from a fellow Bueller fan. Nerds, geeks, tools, skanks, bimbos, metalheads–they all love him.
    Love your blog. I added it to my blogroll. My goal is to be as fucking hilarious as you one day.

  312. Ah, I have fond memories of Ferris Bueller. And some good fantasies, too. You, my fellow blogger are awesome. To my blogroll I added you (must be said in Yoda voice).


    Jennifer Edwards recently posted True colors.

  313. Didn’t mean to comment twice. I thought I’d erased the first one. Sorry. I am a moron.

    Jennifer Edwards recently posted True colors.

  314. And I totally have that same cup with the face, only I have the pair. Bailey’s cream and sugar bowls. And not as creepy if you know they are related to liquor.

  315. Hahahaha…I have two cats that do the exact same thing! I rotate between calling them motherf*ckers and assholes; just depends what day it is..

    Miles & Musings recently posted Running the Boston Marathon and Gratitude.

  316. Jerk….

    Just kidding! Ferris, you’re so cute.

    Thoughtsy recently posted How To Teach a Cat To Pole Dance.

  317. This is why I prefer cats over most people. I think Ferris Mewler needs a fan club. I’d join it.

  318. I really want to show this picture to my youngest, as I know she will find it hilarious…but I also know all she will be able to see is the ceramic frogs in the cabinet.

    Cecily recently posted I Have New Hair.

  319. Maybe he needs a ghost cat friend to play with. I found someone on Etsy who sells them. I bought one earlier this week. The ectoplasm is in the mail. I am so excited for he/she/it to come. I thought it might be the kind of thing you’d be interested in. Might be a nice gift for Victor.

    Lara recently posted My Ghost Cat's in the Mail.

  320. I seriously love FM. Also? I seriously double unicorn love that teacup with a face in your cabinet.

    Wombat Central recently posted Practice Makes Perfect.

  321. You should check out
    It’s hilarious! I’m going to go look through all of the pics again…

  322. 327

    My first thought was “That’s why I have dogs”. And I open the comment section to see “That’s just one of the many reasons I have dogs.” We appear to all be on the same page.
    Cats ARE assholes.
    Then again the dog I had growing up (shepherd) used to hide behind a tree when I called him to come in the house. However, unlike a hutch, a tree only hides 1/4 of a dog.

  323. I have those Bailey’s Irish Cream cups too! :)

  324. Whoa…is that a winking Bailey’s teacup? We have the matched set. Or maybe I dropped them off at the Goodwill in the last purge…

    Does he levitate? How in the HECK did he get up there?

    XLMIC recently posted Addressing some core issues....

  325. #6 Reason I don’t have a cat.

    Allie recently posted Blogging Success: Failure Is Success.

  326. I love your sense of humor. Can’t wait for your book to be published.

    Max recently posted Soho Concept.

  327. I love cats. You know he was probably up there laughing his ass off while he watched you search the entire house for him. Cats are assholes like that.

  328. As a child, I had a cat that had a special hiding/napping space. We found it in a very funny way.

    We had bi-fold closet doors, and when they were left open. the cat liked to sleep on the top. We found this out one day when my Dad closed the door, he ended up with a cat on his head. I don’t know who was more surprised.

    Now we have a cat that seems to teleport into rooms after we have kicked him out and closed the door.

  329. Oh god, that made me laugh. And also, as previously stated, a good argument for dogs, although my dog has still been known to surprise and/or elude detection. :)

    Wendy recently posted The end of an era….or maybe just intermission….

  330. I flucking flove that picture!!!!!!!! “Cat”ivating…demonic…seductive….provocative…

    Great shot!

    Gwen recently posted Words With Friends.

  331. Shit. I so totally KNOW. We have one that does that, too, and my G-D it’s annoying!! Our super fatty hides behind the DRYER! The DRYER for effs sake!! Sigh. Good thing we love them.

    Andrea recently posted Reflections of Motherhood.

  332. My papillon thinks he’s a cat and tries to do the same thing… Doesn’t quite work out though, most of the time anyways. Love the pic :)

    Emma Green recently posted Guest Post: Stylish Storage by Katie Straw.

  333. THAT is the weirdest effing cup I have EVER seen. Do you drink from her face….or the back of her severed head?

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