Things you can’t buy on Ebay: A sense of humor. Apparently.

As many of you were watching, my auction for the “Possibly haunted robot that might eat you in your sleep” ended last night.  Shockingly 30+ people bid on it and it went for $75 more than I paid for it, which means that I’ll be sending my local no-kill shelter some cash because that’ll make me feel slightly less guilty when the guy who bought it has his face eaten off by a possibly-possessed broken robot during the night.

There were, however, some complications after the auction closed that caused it to be pulled off ebay forever.

Email from Ebay:

Date: May 11, 2013, 4:36:12 AM CDT
Subject: MC018 Listing policy violation alert:  (775046645)

MC018 Listing policy violation alert: (775046645)

You recently listed the following:
261210867986 – Possibly haunted robot might eat you in your sleep.

We removed these listings because you’ve had too many duplicate
auction-style listings that didn’t end in a sale. The items we removed
are duplicates of other auction-style listings that are currently active
on your eBay account.

And they’re right because do you know how many auctions I’ve completed for possibly haunted robots that might eat you in your sleep?  ALMOST ONE.  I say “almost” because the only one I’ve ever done was removed.  Seriously, it would be impossible have any less auctions for a one-of-a-kind (thank Christ) possibly demonic broken robot.

So Victor called Ebay and was like “What the shit, Ebay?” (I’m paraphrasing) And they said they’d made a horrible mistake and it was all good until they clarified that they were only mistaken about the exact ways in which I had violated the system.

Second letter from ebay:

Date: May 11, 2013, 8:49:26 AM CDT
Subject: MC018 Listing policy violation alert SR# 1-8650326259

You recently listed the following:
261210867986 – Possibly haunted robot might eat you in your sleep.
We removed this listing because it violates our policy under Undermining Trust in the Marketplace.
The listing page serves as the main source of information for buyers, helping them decide what to buy and what to expect when they get an item.  As such, the page should only be used to describe the item for sale and to professionally communicate seller terms.  Sellers can’t include negative statements or comments that undermine trust or confidence in the Marketplace.

The overall policy is intended to help sellers both set and meet buyer expectations in the Marketplace.  Some of the most basic things a seller can do is provide accurate and consistent details about the item and to be clear and specific about the terms and conditions of the sale.

In other words, “Stop being so creative, asshole.  People might actually think you have a cat-eating robot with children’s souls trapped in it.  Because people are stupid and we have to protect them from themselves.  Apparently.”  Or at least, that’s my interpretation.

Luckily, an awesome guy named Alex won before the auction was pulled and he’s already contacted me so everyone wins.  Except the soon-to-be-eaten-cats in Alex’s neighborhood.  Those cats are fucked.  Plus, I now have a brand new idea for a t-shirt.

Click to order on zazzle right now.

I plan on selling one on ebay.  Described accurately.  Under the title “Actively Undermining the Marketplace.”  Because I have problems and I can’t help myself.

I apologize in advance, ebay.

176 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Wow. How ridiculous.
    Also I think it’s a badge of honor to have been personally discovered to have been undermining trust in the marketplace. So congratulations!

    Jaime recently posted I spent way too much time figuring out how to type an up arrow on the keyboard for authenticity.

  2. I have nothing intelligent to say, I’m just surprised that I’m reading this apparently very soon after it was posted. In related news, sleep is for the weak.

    Squishy Amber recently posted Well meaning friends and not-so-surprising revelations.

  3. Geez, it’s not like you were selling a kidney.

    leslie (crookedstamper) recently posted Washi Thanks.

  4. That’s a must have T-shirt right thar!

    GK Adams recently posted People I’d Like To Meet.

  5. Absolutely. Because ebay is the first place I go for trust in the marketplace (and legitimate, legible descriptions, ha!). After I contact some randoms on craigslist, of course.

    Lindsay recently posted Weekend Inspiration: Handlettering.

  6. Where can I purchase that t-shirt? And can it say uncut cocaine on my credit card bill when I do? Seriously, people suck.

    (It’s on zazzle if you want it. Just click on the picture of it. ~ Jenny)

    thedoseofreality recently posted Comment on Pinterest Nightmare #336: Walk The Plank, Fatty! by The Dose of Reality.

  7. In your face Ebay!!!

  8. 9

    eBay’s been messed up for a while. They instituted the no supernatural items rule like 2 years ago. They also like to pull up on their “buyer protection” whenever they feel like it (sister paid for wedding dress, seller scammed us, CS literally said her word vs yours too bad.)

  9. I love when you go on a crusade.

  10. Ebay has no sense of humor, and is apparently terrified of haunted robots, which is stupid, because haunted robots are mad at Google, not Ebay. Everybody knows that.

    LisaR @ Who Stole My Baby? recently posted Making Kids Eat.

  11. Ebay is just jealous they don’t have a robot that eats souls. They must have been outbid.

    thedoseofreality recently posted Pinterest Nightmare #432: The TweetPee.

  12. 13
    Rayne Millaray

    They’re just mad that you came up with it first.

  13. Bless their effed up hearts.

    t recently posted Any lens can be a macro lens with extension tubes..

  14. 15

    “I plan on selling one on ebay. Described accurately. Under the title ‘Actively Undermining the Marketplace.’ Because I have problems and I can’t help myself.”

    Problems? I see no problem here. =D

  15. Okay, that is just awesome (but for the record, how do yo undermine the trust in eBay? I mean does anyone really honestly trust a site that lets you sell almost anything based on your word, and maybe a picture?)

  16. That’s ridiculous. Leave it to a corporation to kill the fun in, well, everything.
    And if anyone actually thought they were bidding on a robot filled with children’s souls, they deserve to get a for-real haunted robot. Because of the stupid.

  17. Oh, I get it. You’re anti-capitalist. Is that what eBay is saying?

    Tragic Sandwich recently posted Creative Cooking.

  18. can you make up some sort of perfume and call it “scents of humor” and sell it ebay? Probably it would smell like bile or phlegm or one of the other humors, though. and that might be bad?

    Brook recently posted How To Be An Artist*.

  19. I think we all need to bid on the t-shirt to drive the price up. Jenny (and her no-kill shelter) deserves it. And, it’ll drive Ebay crazy!

  20. ebay can eat a bag of possibly haunted dicks

  21. That would make a great LinkedIn profile headline.

  22. But, can ebay PROVE that the robot is neither haunted nor a cannibal? If not, I’m not sure how they have a uncreative, vanilla, corporate legal-ease spouting leg to stand on.

    Bethany @ Bad Parenting Moments recently posted Sa-tur-day NIGHT!.

  23. 24
    Charlotte Grubbs

    If I were Ebay, I’d be more concerned about the sort of person who would buy your listing thinking it actually *was* a haunted, cat-eating, soul-stealing robot. (Those people should probably be on a list somewhere.)

  24. eBay just DOESN’T get it! They are SO wrong! You are putting faith back INTO the marketplace. I am SO saving up for one of these t-shirts.

    Valerie P. recently posted Feliz Dia de la Madre.

  25. What? eBay can suck it. Don’t they know that undermining trust in the marketplace is something they’re teaching in school nowadays? Geez.

    Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting recently posted Ode to Motherhood.

  26. This is devastating news! I wanted to hire you to write creative descriptions of my stash of stuff I will never use again so that maybe some of it would actually sell. Not only has eBay made me weep, I’m pretty sure Baby Jesus is crying, too.

    Kelly recently posted Fractal No. 994.

  27. Ahh ebay how you do amuse me. There are pages and pages of badly listed crap you can bid on and you do nothing. The one time someone is TOTALLY honest (ahem) you get your freaking panties in a bunch.

    boodie recently posted 10 things that made me cry today.

  28. I wear a women’s medium—and will be anxiously awaiting that listing :D

  29. I don’t get it. How is it “undermining trust in the marketplace” if the robot eats cats and may or may not kill your face while you sleep? I wish more people were that honest on Ebay! I bought a baby carrier on there for a friend, and the thing didn’t even come with the baby! That kid was cute! I wanted the baby more than she wanted the carrier! Way to shatter our dreams, Ebay. Assholes.

    Jeneral Insanity recently posted The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the…windshield?.

  30. I think this is fraggin’ awesome.

    John E. O. Stevens recently posted On Reading A Graphic Novel With My Daughter.

  31. And here’s another idea: “eBay – undermining legitimate buyers and sellers since 2013”.

  32. They need to make another category for the supernatural. Because apparently it does not undermine the marketplace to sell photos of one’s lady garden or nasty old shoes for foot fetishers (is that a word?) over on the adult listings. Then you could double list any photos of possibly haunted lady bits you happen to own.

  33. Wow. eBay has zero sense of humor. Way to go eBay. Love the new shirt by the way. I wish it came as a tank top because I would totally buy one.

    Devon S recently posted It's the little things.

  34. Remember when eBay used to be awesome and known as the marketplace where you could buy Jesus’s face on toast? Now they’re all about banning your stuff and sending you charts about how you’re performing as a seller. Someone needs to create an online market where people can sell their one-of-a-kind possessed stuff. That would show eBay.

    Sarah recently posted Commentary While Introducing Buffy to my Family.

  35. That’s strange – eBay didn’t have any issues with me selling a cursed guitar tuner a few weeks ago….but maybe that’s because it only went for $4?

  36. It’s like Ebay thinks you’re running a possibly haunted face-eating robot factory out of your new basement.

    RD Riley recently posted The Big Secret.

  37. You’re overlooking a huge bonus to this listing violation. You still made the sale and eBay won’t charge you a fee. Add the new t-shirt and this is an all-around win.

  38. That’s exactly what nanny-ism does. Sucks the creativity out of the world.

    Mary recently posted Santa Carolina Carmenere.

  39. Thank you for undermining the marketplace.

    Kathleen recently posted Yesteryear in Today's City of Tomorrow.

  40. I want that t-shirt! :O)

  41. I think eBay’s soul was eaten by your robot!!

    Jane recently posted Photo.

  42. Ebay should be giving you an AWARD for your thoughtful warning on the item!

    Darcy Perdu recently posted Does He Get Up Early Just To Get It So Wrong?.

  43. 44
    kelly king

    I would totally buy one!

  44. 45
    The Original Lisa

    Just tell them that you will have to start your own auction service now. You could name it something awesome. Something like………Buck Auction?

  45. My my…Ebay has done it again! First your haunted camera, and now your robot. Seriously, it’s like they are scared to believe that your description might just be true… Ebay is getting all preachy about marketing..shows how much they really know about it!

    Miss Gee recently posted Media Madness!.

  46. 47

    So…I suppose the disclaimer I read on my new curling iron that read “CAUTION: FOR EXTERNAL USE ONLY!!!” is to maintain trust and confidence in the “marketplace” as well? I have every trust AND confidence that 98% of women who are capable of using a curling iron wouldn’t shove a burning hot metal rod into their “marketplace”, but I suppose they have to look out for that 2%.

  47. I love the shit out of that shirt. And you for selling it on ebay! You totally kick ass.

    Sara recently posted Out Loud.

  48. 49
    Alicia York

    You might be the most hilarious person on the planet. That is not an understatement. I literally (haha, sorry couldn’t resist) have never seen nor heard of anyone, EVER who is anywhere near as funny as you are.

    Also, side note: Every time I take a shower I think of you. Not because I’m feeling amorous but because every time I reach to take a second helping of shampoo I tell myself that you would not approve. I remind myself that those shampoo companies tell you to rinse and repeat just so they can sell more shampoo. And then I laugh and wash my hair a second time anyway. Because my mom told me to years ago. Your logic is flawless but the power of mom wins this battle, I guess.

  49. I was sad when eBay implemented that rule several years back – as it used to be fun to sift through all of the “haunted”, “cursed”, “possessed” and other supernatural listings… But they did start getting complaints because idiots out there were paying hundreds of dollars for “miraculous” objects only to find out they were just plain old objects.
    Technically? Yes… Lack of sense of humor. But in reality? Protecting the same people who need “caution: contents may be hot” on a cup of coffee. #sigh

  50. I love you.

  51. So warning bidders in advance about potentially having their faces eaten off in their sleep is considered “undermining trust in the marketplace”? What the actual fuck, Ebay? It’s like they don’t care about their customers’ well being at all.

    Marissa recently posted It's been a weird day.

  52. Will you please make hoodies, with this across the back? My boobs are in the way of many T-Shirts. I can almost have a conversation based on what is printed on my back. When something is across my boob area, I get all kinds of weird. Hoodies rule.

  53. I think your next Tee shirt should see “Undermining Ebay one rip off sale at a time” and on the back you could write JUST KIDDING.

    Laurie F. recently posted The Marriage Of Chocolate Ice Cream And Lemon Sorbet.

  54. Ebay clearly has zero sense of humor. You should auction off a jar of humor. Pure humor.

    Dawnie recently posted 30 Day Drawing Challenge - a congrats banner for finishing the challenge.

  55. Wow… EBay must be taking “common sense” lessons from Facebook! :-(

    marti garaughty recently posted Color Study # 629.

  56. If it was so offensive, I wonder why eBay had it on their homepage!?! It was featured as funny shit, now all of a sudden it’s bad? @@

  57. And this is exactly why I want to be the Bloggess when I grow up.

    KMB recently posted A Thrift Store Without Clowns?.

  58. Ebay has turned into a festering shit hole and no longer contains a laugh box….

  59. I wish I could give you ebay… that’s just too awesome like you deserve ebay.

    Michelle recently posted What kind of drop out are you? Bill Gates? or Glenn Beck?.

  60. This is why shampoo bottle directions tell you to rinse off the shampoo. Because how many millions of people have gone through their day not realizing they had suds in their hair?

    Suzy recently posted L.A. Sign Of The Times #107.

  61. So you’re only allowed to sell really boring items with horribly boring descriptions on eBay? That totally undermines my trust in finding anything interesting on eBay. Oh wow, they undermined my trust in their own marketplace. I think they have to send themselves a bad letter now.

  62. “Sellers can’t include negative statements” — so, if there’s a defect in a product you’re selling, you’re not allowed to disclose it? And that’s supposed to make me trust the marketplace more?

    Laura @ Unlikely Explanations recently posted How To Read About How To Determine Your Optimal Daily Caffeine Intake.

  63. And yet a post about your haunted robot listing showed up on the FRONT PAGE of Ebay for me last night: (in the upper banner that switches between 5 stories).

  64. OMFG! That is hilarious! I happen to be an avid ebay buyer and seller. Only not an asshole like most of the other ones. ebay is a joke anyway. Just put your shit on Craigslist where humor is less likely to invoke terror in weak-minded people like me. That made no sense, did it…

    Lucy Ball recently posted I'm A Klepto With Awards.

  65. What’s really funny to me is that the first sternly worded letter was likely delivered by an Ebay bot….Apparently Ebay bots don’t like competition with other (evil) bots.

    t recently posted Mama, are you listening now?.

  66. Can you buy this: on ebay? I would hope so, because everyone needs one.

  67. if anything you were being truthful about what they are getting. I’d really like to know when something I’m buying is possibly haunted.

  68. OMG.. this is HA-larious. I’m willing to bet you are going to sell millions of t-shirts and be rich. As a former 911 dispatcher, I’m here to tell you that these things happen because PEOPLE ARE FUCKING STUPID. This is also the reason you see such warnings as “Do not use in water” on electric appliances and “Do not eat” on CLEARLY non-edible items. Ebay obviously does not want to be sued by stupid people.. or, they have already been sued by so many stupid people that they had to come up with their own warning. Either way, Ebay obviously doesn’t share your sense of a)humor and b)reluctance to sell anything that could ultimately result in the deaths of hundreds of cats. I will now boycott Ebay based on the knowledge that Ebay really hates cats.

  69. That’s fucking terrible. And awesome. All at the same time. I love how you can do that for me.

    Ebay is on it’s way out the door. That’s all I’m saying.

    Quirky Chrissy recently posted 30 Things Before Thirty: Looking Back.

  70. “Sucks”

    Cathy D recently posted 365 Poems: Poetry mobile.

  71. Oh Ebay, you trust-inspiring killjoys.

    Sandy@Sinsationally Me recently posted Today I'm wearing pants.

  72. Ebay use it’s own kind of humor from all the chinese seller who torture and twist the poor old english, they cannot accept competition. Funny situation.
    By the way, I love the t-shirt, if you make them I want one also.

    diluna recently posted Pixelated Polymer Clay Cane: A Variation.

  73. 74
    Natalie Ethington

    Undermining trust OR brilliant marketing strategy? Went right over their eBay heads!

  74. I think I’m gonna have to get that shirt. And I want to watch the eBay auction too, so make sure to keep is posted on that. Also, you cat font post is cracking me up. You are ALL KINDS of awesome!

    Kathleen recently posted sad things, transition, good things.

  75. But what if the robot ends up NOT killing the neighborhood cats? Then you’d be misleading!

    I mean, would they accept the post if you said that it TOTALLY DID WORK 100% ALL THE TIME? I bet etsy doesn’t have this problem.

    Nicky recently posted Too much internet makes the baby go blind.

  76. Stupid eBay. Our equivalent here in New Zealand, TradeMe, once had a washing machine for sale that was described as a time-travel portal. It was a lot of fun, got pages and pages of questions and was on the TV news. We all enjoyed it. Stupid eBay.

    Pam recently posted Ballet and burgers.

  77. Oh my gosh! You’re the best. Actually, I work phone customer service for ebay; their policies are pretty specific. They recently disallowed spirits in bottles. Not alcohol spirits, but like, soul spirits. So maybe the children’s souls were the problem? ;) If you sell that shirt on ebay I will totes buy one. And wear it to work. And to prove it I’ll send a picture of help wearing it in front of the ebay sign out front of our building.

  78. That is stupid and hilarious.

    Mom Off Meth recently posted That shit blew my mind.

  79. If you auctioned off robots that will definitely eat the cats in your neighborhood you would undoubtedly make more money because those damn cats are just a menace to society, especially the ones that dance and sing on Broadway.

    Jack recently posted Too Much Information- The Girl in the Men’s Room.

  80. 81
    Maggie Sz

    Love you and your wonderful humor!

  81. My goodness. The marketplace needs a sense of humor!

    Punky Coletta recently posted There was no time to wipe..

  82. I love you more every day. Thank you for being my extra strength Prozac!!! Mwha!!!

    Gina Fenton recently posted Slooooooow Down, Speed Racer!!.

  83. I’m pretty sure Undermining Trust in the Marketplace is my most favorite phrase- EVER. Like it’s a legal term: yes, your honor, we stand before you because my client’s trust was undermined in the marketplace. Umm, doesn’t this happen every.single.time we buy something that doesn’t turn out to be as great as we thought? And ebay of all places is policing this? Awesome.

    sparkling74 recently posted Charge the Batteries.

  84. These are the same witless twat-waffles that need a warning on a cup of coffee. CAUTION: COFFEE IS HOT. No shit, Sherlock. I hate people sometimes.

    RachRiot recently posted I Just Want To Pee Alone.

  85. What was deliciously ironic is that I saw said auction promoted on eBay’s home page.

    Shelly recently posted Huh.

  86. Just goes to prove that it actually IS haunted and was trying to stop itself being sold to someone else!

  87. Does eBay not realize you’re Kind Of A Big Deal On The Internet? Because I’m constantly amazed at how people assume that bloggers don’t come in packs.

    Wendy recently posted Owl Pocketwatch Necklace and Earring Set with Green and Brass Beads by NerdyNecklaces.

  88. 90
    Mrs Fun 101

    MAJOR kudos on the whole undermining thing. If you were my daughter, I’d be ever so proud.

  89. 92

    Absa-fuckingly bazzaro! Yesterday your listing was evilBays choice for a story in their Remarkable Listings news section
    in which the author stated “True or not, I love the story”
    and today it’s “Undermining Trust in the Marketplace”???

  90. 93

    Absa-fuckingly bazzaro! Yesterday your listing was evilBays choice for a story in their Remarkable Listings news section
    in which the author stated “True or not, I love the story”
    and today it’s “Undermining Trust in the Marketplace”???

  91. That fucking sucks. They appear to be a bit moody where this is concerned. Maybe send these guys Midol for their “man periods”. LONG LIVE CREATIVITY! ASSHOLES!

    Batpoopcrazy recently posted It’s time to drag my fat ass to the gym.

  92. I bet Etsy has a sense of humor.

    The Suzzzz recently posted Mother's Day Weekend.

  93. 96
    Kristin B.

    I feel I need to thank you. I can always count on finding humor and honesty on your blog when I most need it. I read your posts loud to my very patient boyfriend, often using various voices and sound effects to punctuate your writting. I “Thank You”.

  94. What’s truly tragic here is that eBay apparently doesn’t get the internet.

    thediarist recently posted the launch.

  95. You should autograph the one you sell on Ebay with a Shaprie. Will get way more money because we (your fans) are crazy like that….would pay a lot for it.

    Naked Girl in a Dress recently posted Unleash Your Social Verve.

  96. I love that you are undermining ebay. At least you wont have to pay the fees….

    Kattie recently posted It comes with.

  97. My trust in Ebay was gone a long, long, long time ago and I haven’t shopped on there in at least 5 years. You had nothing to do with that. In fact, I thought your face-eating-creature listing was wonderful and shared it among my friends. ;)

  98. 101

    undermining the trust in the marketplace sounds like the kind of shitty super power you’d give the last villain picked in let’s just be asshat & bastards kickball. i’m ranty today. and sometimes (often) i wanna “like” the comments because i like your people way more than my facebook friends who can suck it.

  99. 102
    Rev. Mary Helen

    Ebay has NO sense of humor. They undermine my trust in powerful, multi bllion dollar companies. Wait. Nevermind.

  100. i feel etsy is a better shopsite for “the unusual”…i love the idea for that shirt! it was cool and clever…rock on

  101. I might understand if they decided not to sell it because they have an anti-paranormal policy, but ‘undermining trust in the marketplace’ just doesn’t make any sense in this context. Maybe they got it wrong again?

  102. Wow.

    Teeny Bikini recently posted Lifting My Dainty Vagina.

  103. 106
    Amber Cathey

    As a former eBay employee, I apologize. Mostly, we had a great sense of humor when I was there. In fact, my last job before I quit and move across the country was to call Power Sellers and tell them how to improve their listings – and for some reason, my co-workers always shunted the porn mongers over to me. So my job, for 40ish hours a week, was to make calls that included things like “well, no, you can’t show a random picture of a vagina, but if there is one ON THE WRAPPING, you should be good showing the picture of the item itself.” I can’t speak for them now. They’ve lost something every year since I left.

  104. I want one!

    Priya recently posted Officially Wisdom Teethless.

  105. All I can say is you are freaking awesome. And I want that shirt.

  106. Wow! But how would ebay know that it’s not a possibly haunted robot?? You could email ebay back “to my knowledge the description was most accurate of the item. Thus let it be known that If your premature judgment of my discription causes the buyer of said item to let his or her gaurd down and possibly be eaten then the blood is on your hands. Thanks”

  107. If you could do me a favor and open a competing auction site that works better than ebay and sells both things that undermine the marketplace, and everyday average things, I would be eternally grateful. Then maybe I wouldn’t have to listen to my husband bitch about ebay on the regular.

    I do like the new shirt though…

  108. The joy of eBay… oh and never apologise to eBay – tis they who should be apologising to all of us.

    Luci McQuitty Hindmarsh - recently posted #SilentSunday.

  109. when was trust ever a component of the marketplace? Ability to convince people to buy worthless, soul-destroying crap, now THAT’S what the marketplace is about. And I reckon you ticked that box rather brilliantly :-)

    Raw Once More recently posted Back from the Bush and Back to the Blog.

  110. See, now I would have said that you were PASSIVELY undermining trust in the marketplace. And now, you will be PASSIVELY/AGGRESSIVELY undermining it. Or would that be PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVELY? Anyway, you keep on undermining it. Personally, I never had any trust in it in the first place.

    whatimeant2say recently posted Mother’s Day – Otherwise Known as “Maybe This will Absolve Me of My Guilt Day”.

  111. Now that I think about, I recommend starting your own marketplace. You could call it ecraycray ( Or shebay. Or africanizedbeebay. Sorry, I clicked on the rhyming dictionary and I can’t seem to stop myself.

    whatimeant2say recently posted Mother’s Day – Otherwise Known as “Maybe This will Absolve Me of My Guilt Day”.

  112. “Now that I think about IT,” I meant. Obviously.

    whatimeant2say recently posted Mother’s Day – Otherwise Known as “Maybe This will Absolve Me of My Guilt Day”.

  113. I swear me must be related. I sold a fetal monitor on Ebay once. They pulled the auction after I was already paid and said I couldn’t sell “Medical equipment”. I tried to make them understand that it was a monitor you put on your stomach and you can hear the baby’s heartbeat. It wasn’t medical equipment, merely a loud microphone that if you used it properly (which I couldn’t ever figure out how to do) you could supposedly hear the baby. I heard some gurgling of my stomach and possibly the death of my soul only. Geesh Ebay, lighten up.

  114. 117

    I may or may not have a sense of humor, and may or may not work for eBay. And I may or may not be hysterically laughing right now. Also, I’ll trade you an eBay t-shirt for an undermining trust in the marketplace.

  115. I’m pretty sure the only thing undermining trust in ebay’s marketplace is HOW SHITTY EBAY’S MARKETPLACE IS. Seriously, they seem to be doing all they can to make the “quirky one-of-a-kind awesome shit” stuff go away, and instead favoring large retailers and such. It’s still useful(ish) for some stuff, but they’re shooting themselves in the foot a bit, in my opinion.

    BUT I’M GLAD SOMEONE WON THE TERRIFYING ROBOT DOLL THING. That’s really the important part. I can sleep soundly, knowing someone else’s face will be gnawed off.

    Katy recently posted January 26, 2013 - Red Rocks, Morrison Cemetery, Mt. Vernon Cemetery.

  116. 119
    Pat C in Washington

    There is no marketplace that needs its trust undermined (under mound?) more than eBay. You are the one for the job.

  117. Now I also want to have a Possibly haunted robot might eat me in my sleep. I am not even sure how could I live without it until now! Your t-shirt idea is awesome!

  118. I pity Alex. Poor guy probably didn’t know what he was buying on account of all your creativity and trust-undermining.
    You do realise, right, that if I bought all the shirts of yours that I wanted to I’d have to buy a new wardrobe for them?

    Klementine recently posted There’s No Age Limit To Having An Opinion..

  119. Frickin’ eBay! They screwed me out of a $40 sale last Sunday because an auction I had going – Wearable Asian Art sandals, apparently offended the entire population of India. I’m not sure how that’s possible, but I called them up and asked them “What the SHIT?!” as well, and I talked to not one, but TWO people of what sounded like Indian (dot not feather) descent – go frickin figure! I’ve about had it with eBay trying to decide what the people want, instead of the people deciding what the people want. Glad you had already made contact with the buyer, because eBay sure wasn’t going to help you do that!

  120. 123
    Kim Holly

    If you were undermining their precious marketplace, why did Ebay feature your listing on their homepage? I totally enjoyed watching your robot’s listing price soar, reading the Q & A, asking you about selling the souls separately (thx for responding and making me smile), and now THIS? Unbe-fucking-lievable. Jenny you rock. Have fun messing with Ebay. They deserve whatever you throw at them!

  121. 124
    Catherine Hawkins

    I feel the shirt would POP more in Cat Font

  122. Yeah, those bastards totally jettisoned a dress I tried to sell because it was described as “boobalicious”. Don’t porn stars and strippers shop too? WTH eBay!

  123. I had no idea Ebay was in North Korea.

    Anyways… shouldn’t your pay-back T-shirt feature Zombie type.

    Or maybe Kim Jong-un type?

    With Dennis Rodman face shrapnel punctuation?

    C’mon, Jenny, do Dennis a solid!

    HogsAteMySister recently posted Fuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy Nap Time.

  124. I want one of these shirts. But i’ll only buy it on eBay, otherwise we aren’t underminding the marketplace with your underminding the marketplace shirt. I wanna stick it to the man!!

    Stephanie H recently posted One year later....

  125. I’ll bid $150 for that shirt! I take a xxl.

    (I don’t mind ridiculously overpaying because I know the excess will go to an animal shelter. Or a gun full of tequila. One of those)

  126. This is why you can’t buy a politician on e-bay. Those folks have cornered the undermining of trust.

    Geoff Johnston recently posted I Don’t Get It.

  127. Go Jenny!

  128. Is Ebay owned by CBS?
    Because they both have difficulty walking (A ginormous stick up your butt will do that to you.), and neither company is hip enough to recognize your greatness.
    Screw ’em both. Just be you, Jenny.

  129. 132
    Doc Hawkeye

    Arrgh! Why don’t you have the “Undermining Trust in the Marketplace” shirt in male styles? Guys want to express their loathing for the capitalist system, too! BTW, love the blog, and your book is on my TBR pile (which, admittedly, is taller than my house, but what can you do?)

    (Click on the “customize” or “see all styles” button. It should be available in all shapes and sizes. :) ~ Jenny)

  130. Did Alex buy the whole thing? I was hoping someone would buy the head and another person would buy the body, and then their children would meet and fall in love 40 years later only for the robot to re-animate and try to kill them.

  131. Your interpretation is obviously correct, those people at e-bay clearly have no imagination. Their loss, you are awesome which has a lot to do with your imagination.

    But they do have a point, people are stupid. Hopefully people aren’t stupid enough to be as literal as e-bay thinks they are.

    Tara recently posted Introspection.

  132. I would TOTALLY buy that shirt.

    Nikki Mohamed recently posted Parental Win #987.

  133. true story, and while not funny at all (unless you’re me trying to mentally stretch a line to make that logic work and finding it utterly ridiculous and impossible) – i stopped selling on ebay when they removed my solid cocoa butter lotion bar (i call it magic stuff – maybe the “magic” part caused some undermining of the marketplace because people though i was selling them a solid cocoa butter lotion bar imbued with actual magic. three sprinkles of it exactly. no more no less. but i wander…)
    i recall saying that it was a wonderful skin treatment for cancer patients going through chemo because of the ease of application and how soothing it was to the dry skin following treatments. i guess “easy” and “moisturizing” are an issue for them as well in addition to anything humorous….
    congrats on selling in the nick of time!

  134. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read your blog and thought “Geeze, she seems to be undermining the marketplace.” At least eBay finally recognized it. :-)

    Lisa Newlin recently posted Happy Mother’s Day to the animal moms too!.

  135. iWork for a company that competes directly with eBay. I can without predjudice, they are assholes. Their marketplace DESERVES to be undermined.

    Andie recently posted Come to think of it, I'd probably forgo shaving, too. #Revolution.

  136. Geez, it’s not like you’re selling this male cringing banana slicer on eBay. (Take a look at the reviews :)

  137. Bravo. On a side note, my insurance lady far too readily agreed with me when I was telling her that the national rep who called me was intensly belligerent and “no one can out belligerent me.” Which has led me to think that YOU could possibly out belligerent me. Kudos!

  138. so what you’re saying is that the item still went to the highest ebay bidder and now ebay isn’t getting their cut of your profit? ha!

  139. I expect E-bay will not have a sense of humor about your “Actively Undermining the Marketplace” t-shirt. Keep us posted.

    Sue recently posted The cringe-inducing yelp.

  140. Nice! I thought your listing and the comments were hilarious. Thank you for responding to my silly one! I love that you always get the joke and never take my crazy seriously, even when I was batshit ; ) xxxoo

  141. I love buying on eBay, but selling sucks in the worst way that things can suck. I used to like it, but no more.

    I wonder if you could sell them a sense of humor?

    Kats recently posted 100 Blog Posts - #23.

  142. Hm… Perhaps you should have gone on the Craigslist route… They seem to allow anything.

    Emelie recently posted She Wasn’t a Serial Killer, So I Call That a Win..

  143. Totally awesome. That is all.

  144. LOL I love that shirt. Please undermine the trust in the marketplace because everything currently listed is TOTALLY accurate and worthwhile.

    Southern Girl recently posted Happy Mother's Day.

  145. Just make sure Chrysler didn’t already trademark the phrase.

  146. I would totally buy that shirt. lol.

    Alison recently posted Happy Mother's Day.

  147. 150

    But — might eat you in your sleep is the *selling* point! Anyone can just go out and buy a *non* haunted robot!

  148. Trust in the eBay marketplace sounds like an oxymoron to me. (Emphasis on the moron.)

    Allison recently posted Guest Letter: How Pens Relate to the Nazis.

  149. Ebay’s own policies undermine trust in the marketplace. Which is awesome because it means Ebay both does and does not violate its own policies. I love me a paradox.

    Karen Peterson recently posted I know I'm not a mother. Please quit trying to convince me otherwise..

  150. You should sell sense of humor on ebay, I bet they would love that!

    Mexmom recently posted Seven facts of seven.

  151. Classic! I LOVE it! Hope you sell a ton of them!

  152. Although I’m confident my ‘Chocolate Pussy’ listing should do quite well.

    HerMelness Speaks recently posted Where a school detention was the best thing that could have happened.

  153. 156
    Doc Hawkeye

    Arrgh! Why don’t you have the “Undermining Trust in the Marketplace” shirt in male styles? Guys want to express their loathing for the capitalist system, too! BTW, love the blog, and your book is on my TBR pile (which, admittedly, is taller than my house, but what can you do?)

    (Click on the “customize” or “see all styles” button. It should be available in all shapes and sizes. ~ Jenny)

    Thanks! It worked a treat, and my order is now on the way!

  154. everything about this is just awesome

  155. you rock!

  156. Don’t feel too bad about getting yarped on by E-batty shit-bay. I was asked (ok ordered) to change my shirt by TSA before boarding a flight because on my cute pink shirt was embroidered “Ladies Sewing Circle and Terrorist Society”. Yeah, you fucked in the head $8 an hours morons, ALL terrorists wear pink shirts with their terrorist affiliation emblazoned over their left boob in hand embroidered silk lettering. They all wear fuchsia pink crocs as well, and carry their Rx for Prempro in their purses, just in case. Thank you!

  157. 160
    Allison Burroughs

    ANddddddd this is why I love you.

  158. you make me smile every single day. thank you for being you! :-)

  159. so late, but I’m disappointed in your skepticism! Very funny post, and listing (as usual). but ebay made this policy a long time ago, and it made the rounds on the skeptical blogs and podcasts (which is how I found you in the first place, from Skepchick, years ago). I’m happy ebay made that policy, scammers were listing things that were “haunted” and people were paying way too much money for it. glad ebay finally stepped in so people can through away their money somewhere else on the internet. I figured you, a super awesome nerd, would have heard of that before now.

  160. You go girl, stick it to the MAN, er MARKETPLACE! We’ll all cheer you on from a safe distance of course, teehee…

  161. I work at eBay. I have so many stories like this that I would so love to share. Like just last week someone decided that tactical zombie girlfriend targets listed on ebay somehow gave permission to ex boyfriends to hunt down and shoot their ex ‘significant others’ but similar taliban or north korean soldier targets were A-OK. Sadly, I have a mortgage and a diabetic cat so I need that paycheck and can’t share said stories :P. Bless you and please do list that T-shirt then let us ALL know so we can buy it!

  162. 165
    Kristin Dewey

    You are freakin’ hilarious!

  163. Jenny, someone reported your auction- or it would have stayed in place. That is how their system works. Someone like Amy (T) May 14, 2013 at 1:24 pm reported it.

    People like Amy are the reason I don’t sell very often on ebay- they have ruined it for those of us with a sense of humor.

    I once listed a doll bathing suit being modeled by a deranged looking stuffed bear with a weird assed title and we all had fun. (Oddly enough that money went to a pet rescue group. Maybe ebay is against helping pets???) They would take my old auction down today.

    All that said, I look forward to being able to bid (and maybe even win!) your awesome t-shirt. Fuck up the Marketplace at ebay. Yay!!!!!!

    PB recently posted 1:6 Furniture For Our Dolls.

  164. When you search for demonic on eBay, Ann Coulter’s book is one of the first items returned. So if she can put her shit out there, I don’t know why you can’t sell your robot.

    Beck recently posted One Car, Two Years, Three People.

  165. Your awesomeness never ceases to amaze me.

    Meredith recently posted I left my legs in Canyon.

  166. 169

    Ebay is shite! the end!

  167. I understand Ebay’s position because some moron will turn around and sue them because the haunted robot did not in fact eat their cats face off OR suck the soul from their baby. Because that’s just how fucked up people are these days.

  168. I am kinda grateful for eBay because it helped me get back all the old Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Ghost Buster toys that I sold at yard sales when my son stopped playing with them. He accused me in front of all his friends for ruining his childhood. Leonardo or one of those fuckers stabbed me in the foot lying around in the dark. I still have the scar. Anyway, I spent a mini fortune getting them all back at Christmas for my son at age 23. He keeps the Ecto 1 car on his mantle in his own home now. I am sorry about your robot experience though. Probably left over anger management issues from Meg Whitman.

  169. eBay probably would bitch if you sold a bottle of shampoo because the instructions didn’t say “Wash. Rinse. Repeat ONCE.” Because some people would bitch about using up all their newly-bought shampoo in their first hair-washing.

    Jami recently posted Going for a record.

  170. OHHHHHHHH how I hope we meet in person one day!
    I plan to wear a depends –
    Have a pretty day!

  171. You are TOO funny. Somebody said you wrote a book. I have got to read it.

  172. 175

    Well after eBay getting hacked, who now is undermining trust in the marketplace???

  173. Savged as a favorite, I love your site!

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