I got up at 6am to take Dorothy Barker out for a quick walk and then I saw a cat walking up to us and I thought, “My GOD, what are they feeding that cat because it’s enorm-JESUS FUCK THAT’S A MOUNTAIN LION.” And I grabbed Dottie and ran back inside while the mountain lion – who on second look was less of a giant mountain lion and actually more of a midsized bobcat – followed us toward the house and tried to come in.
TRIED. TO. COME. IN.
So I woke up Victor and Hailey because I knew they’d never believe me and I knew as soon as I got back to the front door it would be gone and they’d think I was hallucinating but when I got back the bobcat was cuddled up on the front porch like, “Where did you go? I wanted you to scratch my ears.”
And I thought I would but then Victor was all, “Don’t you like having fingers? Because you seem rather attached to them.” And so I didn’t. Because he says that if you ignore bobcats they go away.
Except, not at all.
So I called security and said, “Hypothetically, if I told you there was a very cute and not at all threatening bobcat on my porch would you catch it and relocate it back up the mountain, or would you kill it? Because I’m not saying that there is, unless you promise not to hurt it” and turns out I called the wrong number and they were very confused, but then I called the right number and the lady in charge was like, “This isn’t really covered in your home-owners association. Probably if you ignore it it’ll go away on it’s own.”
And he did eventually leave after giving my office a good once-over through the window and I couldn’t figure out why he decided to leave after hanging around for so long and then Victor pointed to what’s right next to the window and I was like, “Don’t be ridiculous, bobcats can’t read” but then I realized he meant Rosencatz & Guildenpurr, my ancient two-headed, taxidermied bobcat.
And, um, fair point really. But also, I think this another example of my taxidermy creating miracles. Just saying.
PS. Link to video, but it’s messy because I wasn’t expecting company. Obviously.
PPS. 50% of you are like “THAT’S A BOBCAT. STAY INSIDE” and 45% of you are like “THAT’S A BOBCAT AND IT NEEDS SNUGGLES” and 5% of you are like, “That’s a Maine Coone/Savannah/bengal housecat and you should pick it up because it’s owners are probably looking for it.” Now I don’t know what to do so I’m sharing another video so maybe someone who is super familiar with Texas bobcats can tell me if I should pick it up and put “FOUND CAT” signs up or if I should stay inside and stop making Victor nervous by yelling “Here, kitty kitty kitty” around the neighborhood.