Shit. I am a terrible mother.

Last week my friend – Jeremy – who taxidermied Rory (the Furiously Happy raccoon) emailed to tell me that Rory turned 5 years old on Friday, but I’m terrible at keeping up with emails so I totally missed his birthday.  So to make up for it I gave him a vespa.  Or, rather, I stole one of Hailey’s doll’s vespas after I realized that all of her fake American Girl accessories are the perfect scale for a small dead raccoon.  (Honestly, they are really missing out on an untapped market.)

"Look, ma! No hands!" A clear violation of safety rules, but are you going to tell him that? IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY, YOU MONSTER.

“Look, ma! No hands!” It’s a clear violation of safety rules, but are you going to tell him that? IT’S HIS BIRTHDAY, YOU MONSTER.

Regardless, Rory and Rory II had a blast.

The spectators were perplexed.

The spectators were perplexed.

And so did the cats because for once they weren’t the ones giving Rory a ride.

I'm not sure what's happening here but it made me laugh so I'm including it.

I’m not sure what’s happening here but it made me laugh so I’m including it.

And then Victor was like, “WHY IS IT SO LOUD IN HERE?  DON’T YOU HAVE WORK TO DO?” and I was all, “YOU CAN’T JUDGE ME.  IT WAS YOUR SON’S BIRTHDAY AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN REMEMBER” and he just stared at me in confusion and I was like “THE CAT’S IN THE CRADLE, VICTOR” and he shook his head and locked the door to his office, and then I thought I should maybe clarify that I was referring to the Harry Chapin song and not to me actually putting one of our cats in a cradle.  But then that seemed ridiculous because we don’t even have a cradle.  We barely had a vespa for a dead raccoon’s birthday.

Honestly, we are terrible parents.

PS. I really need to get a tiny saddle made:

I really need to get a tiny saddle made.

Cat balancing is the new planking.

PPS. I haven’t updated my shop in months.  Until now.

198 replies. read them below or add one

  1. That second photo is the BEST THING I have seen so far today.

    Like

  2. Thank you for rebooting my heart.

    Liked by 3 people

    Burns the Fire recently posted Love Wins.

  3. Happy belated birthday, Rory!

    Like

    AdeleVarens recently posted Boxed In.

  4. 4
    Ella Melioris

    dear Jenny lawson,this is the only way i could send you this email i’m a really big fan i love your books and can not wait for your next book to come out : > ) > >

    (Thank you! ~ Jenny)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Okay….this is what I needed this morning. Rory trumps headache.

    Like

    Michelle recently posted Err On The Side Of Love.

  6. I don’t know how you get these wonderful photos, but they arrived just as I ended a 2 hour meeting. These just made my day.

    Like

    Kelly and Geoff recently posted The 2016 election takes a turn for the surreal.

  7. Damn; I had a tiny Western saddle, but I think it went in a yard sale years ago. It would have fit a German shepherd. But I also have a cowboy lamp with an even tinier Western saddle on it. I should try replicating it.

    Like

    Sandra Cormier recently posted What's Happening?.

  8. EPIC!!!!!!! Love the pink vespa!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Needed this!!! Thank you for being a terrible mother with a sense of humor big enough for the rest of us.

    Like

  10. i want to spend my days playing with dead raccoons… Seriously that sounded so much better in my head, on the screen not so much. But leaving it anyway, as truth is often funnier than fiction. x

    Liked by 1 person

  11. too funny! Happy late birthday Rory!

    Like

  12. Totally thought of you yesterday when I entered a grocery store and there was a sign that said “NO LIVE ANIMALS PERMITTED”. So, what, we can bring dead ones in? This store is totally up Jenny Lawson’s alley.

    Liked by 3 people

  13. HAPPY BIRTHDAY RORY

    Like

  14. Happy birthday, Rory, you magnificent bastard! Thank you and your mom for making me furiously happy.🙂

    Like

  15. This about made me shoot coffee out of my nose!! AWESOME post, Jenny!

    Like

  16. ah… happy birthday Rory!

    Like

  17. Hi Jenny,
    Just one lil correction; Cats in the Cradle isn’t a Cat Steven’s song… the artist is Harry Chapan. I still love you though and have both your books!

    (Ooh! Good catch! Thanks. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  18. So I checked out the shop, and while the cards are awesome, PLEASE make us a Livin’ the Dream poster (unless you did and I totally missed it) I mean, that kitty hanging by it’s little paws from a tree limb poster circa: FOREVER is supposed to make us feel all kinds of wonderful, so just think what this could do for people’s mental well being. Also, I like the caption for the poster: Livin’ Like Rory …but now I’m just coming off as bossy so you can decide.🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Joanna recently posted Seizures and Sass.....

  19. Tiny saddle, cradle… you’re going to have to leave the house for all this shopping!

    Happy birthday, Rory!

    Like

    actualconversationswithmyhusband recently posted The Driving Issue.

  20. When my cats’ eyes are dilated as much as Hunter’s are in the last picture, they are getting ready to tear someone’s face off. Hope Rory was able to dismount unscathed.

    Like

  21. you’re welcome jenny lawson

    Like

  22. Thank you for the zaniness! I needed the laugh.

    Like

    lifevivified recently posted Oh, The Oddity Of It All.

  23. I was having a really crappy morning and then I saw this. Thank you for bringing back my smile.

    Like

  24. 24
    Noble Experiments

    Thanks for my morning laugh, yet again.
    [Harry Chapin, not Cat Stevens]

    Like

  25. That Vespa was made for Rory!

    Like

  26. Every time. EVERY. TIME. I see a raccoon, I gently whisper to myself, “-gasp- A Rory!”
    Also Hunter S. Tomcat’s reaction makes me furiously happy.

    Like

  27. i wish you would make a rory plushie Id totally buy that

    Like

  28. Am I wrong to think that world would be a (slightly) better place if their were more dead raccoons celebrating birthdays by ready tiny pink vespas?

    Like

    marydpierce recently posted In Praise of the Quiet Dads.

  29. Cat Stevens didn’t sing Cat’s in the Cradle, although it’s a common misconception (or false memory–see the Mandela effect, which is fascinating reading btw)

    Liked by 2 people

  30. 30
    7cats1dog0marbles

    I forgot my human son’s 4th birthday. Despite the fact I was in college full time, employed full time, and single parenting full time 2 children, he still occasionally throws it up to me, 31 years later. Next time I’ll say “Pink Vespa, baby!” He won’t know why I am laughing hysterically, but that just makes it better, somehow.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. The cats don’t look amused! I, however, am definitely amused🙂

    Like

  32. Damn. I meant there, not their. And also, riding, not ready. Fat finger syndrome strikes again.

    Like

  33. I can’t tell you how much I needed these photos this morning. Thank you, thank you, thank you. This washed that nasty “all hateful political posts, all the time in my newsfeed” taste right out of my mouth. So to speak.

    Like

  34. Was there a cake?! If so….was it made of garbage? Or recycling? Was there candles on the cake because that could have gone off the rails in a big hurry with cats and the Rories. Happy Birthday Rory. :o)

    Like

    Mrs. Completely recently posted Bruised Boobs, Neon Socks and Herman Munster Shoes.

  35. Best pictures I’ve seen all week!!! HBD, Rory!

    Like

  36. The jazz hands slay me every. single. time.

    And I was a Jazzercise instructor for nearly 7 years, so I know from jazz hands!

    Liked by 1 person

    OwnLessDoMore.us recently posted Wanna turn a 5-mile hike into an 11-mile hike? Follow me!.

  37. I so needed this today….

    Like

  38. I feel like someone needs to photoshop the Rorys (Rories??), with their outstretched arms, onto the bow of the Titanic.

    Liked by 2 people

    Cris recently posted How Freddie Mercury Helped Me Find True Love.

  39. You are amazing….the next thing you need to put on your list of things to sell is a fake fur Rory!! I would so love to have a Rory in my living room!! I love the cats reaction on the piano….WTF! The way you describe your conversations with your husband are priceless!! Big Hugs…love you!

    Like

  40. We’re all terrible mothers to taxidermy pets. They are so undemanding,

    Like

    Elyse recently posted I Will Register.

  41. Victor just doesn’t understand.

    Like

    Jenny Bristol recently posted Oprah’s Book Club and ‘The Underground Railroad’.

  42. Hahaha love it!!

    Like

  43. 43
    Ericka Barber

    Not one, but TWO furiously happy raccoons on a pink Vespa. What a great morning! Thanks!

    Like

  44. *calls shotgun

    Like

  45. Oh, Jenny!❤❤❤

    Like

  46. 46
    ocularnervosa

    No helmet? That raccoon is a madman!

    Like

  47. This is probably the best thing ever.

    Like

  48. Having a crummy day. Really needed this and it did the trick. Smile Achievement Unlocked!

    Like

  49. ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAHAHAHAAAAAHAA!!!!

    Thanks….I needed that!!!! I’m off to buy a pink Vespa.

    Like

    LadyPamelaRose recently posted Alphabetically Speaking….

  50. We have a tradition in my family of never celebrating birthdays on the day itself (mostly because mine is wedged between Christmas and New Years Day) so you’re not a terrible mother. Fixed.

    Like

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  51. Did Hailey have an American Girl doll horse? They all come with a saddle……just sayin! Thanks for brightening my day! You Rock!

    Like

  52. Please make a poster version of the card with “Live the Dream” on it. I would so hang that in my office.

    Like

  53. I love how judge-y the cat looks in the second photo.

    I really needed this post today – had abdominal surgery recently and let me tell you, nothing takes the pain away like a stuffed raccoon on a Vespa!
    And narcotics.
    Put the two together and it’s a rollicking good time!

    Like

  54. So totally cool for Rory to have a pal to ride bitch on his scoot. This seriously rocks.

    Like

  55. love these pics…i didn’t know there were 2 Rorys, how did I not know that?

    Like

    The Hellion recently posted 10 Things To Do For Someone When They Lose A Loved One.

  56. Jenny – here’s the next taxidermied animal project for you! Animal Drones! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8yaaaAZ4r4

    Like

  57. Omg I’m laughing so much all my coworkers are staring at me. I showed one the pics because I was so happy it’s Rory’s birthday and now she’s worried and I think she may call for the men in white coats. I just yelled don’t judge her (Jenny) she’s a New York Times best seller are u. I think I made my point. Ps this made my whole day maybe week. Thanks sooooooo much.

    Like

  58. Pic #3 is now my desktop wallpaper here at work. I needed that! Thank you, J.❤

    Like

  59. Made my day. Thanks.

    Like

  60. Holy shit, that just jolted me out of depression for a time there. Forget the meds kids, taxidermied racoons on scooters are the new breakthrough in culling mental illness. You freaking genius.

    Like

  61. Best raccoon birthday EVER!!!! If I were a more-dedicated (ie, creepier) fan, I would totally order an American Doll gift for the Rories. That home made scooter thing looks good. Or maybe the bubble bath set, so they could wash their food …in bubbles! (Yes I went and looked at AG stuff suitable for raccoons. THAT DOES NOT COUNT AS STALKING, PEOPLE.)

    Like

  62. Poor Hunter! Just the look on his face in that last picture…

    Like

  63. This so mad my sh!tty day sooooooo much better. THANK YOU!

    Like

  64. Best use of over-the-top expensive American Girl accessory ever.
    I would send you my daughter’s old Barbie car, but I think Rory is too big for it.
    Plus I’d be asking for your address, and you are far too clever to share that with readers because you would end up with too many toys and taxidermed animals on your front stoop and there wouldn’t be room for the giant chicken. And Victor would never come out of his office again.

    (It’s actually the fake Target version of American Girl. My Generation, maybe? I can’t remember the name. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  65. Happy birthday, Rory! I think you’re safe though, cuz I’m pretty sure stuffed raccoons don’t use calendars. Probably.

    Like

    Andrea G recently posted Blah, blah, anxiety, blah.

  66. Those raccoons should be wearing helmets–safety first!!

    Like

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  67. Oh good gods, this was amazing and wonderful. THANK YOU.

    Like

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  68. Looking at this made me so happy!

    Like

  69. 69
    Jenni (Lil' Miss Sassypants)

    I did not realize how badly I needed to see a raccoon on a Vespa until just now.

    Like

  70. In that last photo, it looks like Rory is cat-surfing.

    Like

    digbydigz recently posted Book Review: Save the Cat!.

  71. I have got to quit reading your blog at work! My laughing hysterically is a dead give away that I am not really working. Love you!

    Like

  72. GIRL THE WAY U MOVIN, GOT ME IN A TRANCE

    Like

  73. Every biker needs a biker name, like Tank, Wizard, Psycho or Ditch (which happens to be mine). What do you think Rory & Rory II’s biker names would be? I’m going with Manic & JR (short for Just Rory).

    Liked by 1 person

  74. This all of this is pure wonderful JOY! Yay Rory and Rory II

    Like

  75. 76
    Gribble Girl

    The vespa ride more than made up for the birthday celebrations being late😀

    Like

  76. My sock monkey Eddie used to have a red tricycle. Now that he is getting older he rides a horned toad named Bimi instead (lower center of gravity).

    Like

  77. That card is everything. 😂

    Like

  78. Thanks, you gave me the first good laugh of the day.

    Like

  79. Nuh uh. Cat Stevens did cover Chapin’s song. Check U Tube. That aside, great photos!

    Like

  80. Again, just when I needed something to make me laugh, you deliver! Happy Belated Birthday Rory!!

    Like

  81. And tell Hunter to stop being such a drama cat. He looks as if he’s never been ridden by a dead racoon before – and I’m sure he totally has! 😄

    Like

  82. Every time I see you post about Rory/Rory II, I get all happy inside. It’s wonderful to see these little guys brought to life, and I have to admit they look a bit like their namesake (me, naturally!).

    Like

    Rory Bristol recently posted Why Are Manic Episodes So Chaotic?.

  83. Oh my goodness – I am having an awful day and this was perfect. Made me laugh!! Thank you!

    Like

  84. Love, love Rories on the Vespa but the last picture takes the cake you forgot to make your “son”.

    Like

  85. LOL! I love Rory. I never did get a cutout to take him along with me on trips. Can you still get one somewhere?

    Like

    Arionis recently posted Do children even need night lights anymore?.

  86. It would be soooo great if the Rories had an honest to god tiny Harley to show off their bad ass sides! Like, “Yeah, we’re bad ass! No hands, no helmets, no worries!” Can raccoons get tats?

    Like

  87. HAPPY BIRTHDAY RORY! You win the internet today.

    Like

  88. Stop it. You are making the rest of us look bad. My son turns 14 soon, and he’s going to feel really cheated that all he got was a pack of Yu-gi-oh cards and some money when The Bloggess got a VESPA for A DEAD RACCOON. Thanks for that. I will never measure up.

    Happy Birthday, Rory. Wear a helmet. You’ve already been killed in the road once.

    Like

    becomingcliche recently posted Servers So Rude.

  89. 90
    Crystal Pauley

    That just made my day! Happy Birthday Rory–looks like you had a blast!

    Like

  90. Do you know how many American Girl sewing patterns there are out there? I can’t believe I want to make a dress for an expired raccoon.

    Like

  91. You’re the best mom ever! I so get you. Please don’t get a restraining order.

    Like

  92. I love this so much. SO. MUCH.

    Like

  93. It looks to me like you more than made up for forgetting his birthday. You love him, and that’s what matters.

    Like

  94. 95
    Cool Auntie Susan

    It’s just like Molly Ringwald in ‘Sixteen Candles’. Maybe Jake Ryan will show up at your door and make it up to Rory. Although in your world, it’s far more likely that Long Duk Dong will show up instead, Hot Stuff!
    Forget American Girl getting in on the insanity. YOU need to put out a line of Rory action figures and accessories! WE WILL BUY YOUR ENTIRE WORLD AND RECREATE IT IN OUR HOMES because you’re that good–and we’re that disturbed.

    Like

  95. Tandem raccoons on a pink Vespa is a great thing to see! Thanks for being so fricking awesome!

    Like

  96. 97
    Erika Weber

    I love this lady.

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Like

  97. holy shitballs, I don’t know what the hell but I am laughing so fucking hard right now I am just crying at my desk at work…

    Like

  98. Rory needs a pink helmet with holes for his ears to stick through. And a pink leather jacket with silver studs.

    Like

    Janet Coburn recently posted Political Noise.

  99. Much cuter than American Girls! You are right. This is an untapped market.

    Like

  100. I’d very much purchase one of these if I had the chance.

    Like

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  101. Thank you for making me laugh.

    Like

  102. Thank you for the wonderful distraction, and of course Happy Belated Birthday to Rory!

    Like

  103. Happy Birthday Rory one and two this one is for you too I case mom forgets 😆.

    Jenny thanks for all you do although I was never able to find a Rory for myself I do now have a Rocky his is fun Country . 😀😀😀

    Like

  104. The expression on the cat in that last picture is the best part of this entire post.

    Thank you for sharing! I got a good laugh out of it.

    Like

  105. I think the Vespa is more Rory’s style, but now I totally want to see him riding the American Girl horse – I can donate one for the cause if you don’t have one!

    Like

  106. Rory Two should get a new name for his birthday. Or her birthday. I have a hard time sexing raccoons, or rather I would if that were something I did.
    Whew. Lucky save there. I just hope everyone reads all the way to the end.

    Liked by 1 person

  107. Thank you. 🙂

    I’m kind of having a rough day, and this is what I needed.

    Like

  108. Ahaha “THE CAT’S IN THE CRADLE, VICTOR”. I can’t stop laughing, you’re fantastic!!

    Like

    White Girls Be Like recently posted It’s My 2-Year Blogiversary.

  109. I was having a horrible day. And then I saw this. And now everything is well.

    Like

  110. These pics look like stills from a musical that I would very much pay money to go see. Like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang but with dead raccoons and a Vespa.

    Like

    nerril recently posted Facebook You Scary.

  111. So I was dying over the raccoons riding the Vespa. However, the one of the Raccoon balancing on the cat was too much. I am crying I am laughing so hard..

    Like

  112. On a day when everything was slightly heavier than normal, this is a bright balloon of joy. Thank you🙂

    Like

  113. Super love and belated birthday wishes to Rory!

    Like

    onegirlbreathing recently posted 10 Consecutive Runs and Counting!.

  114. He’s so happy, I love it! (Also, I’m now looking at American Girl doll accessories online and imagining Rory on them and it’s cheering me up from an otherwise blechy week, so THANK YOU!)

    Like

  115. Rory and Rory II look so happy on their pink Vespa.

    Like

    Gary Lum recently posted Slowly roasted beef rump.

  116. These pics absolutely made my day! Thank you🙂

    Like

  117. The first and second photos cracked me up. They both looks so happy to have a Vespa

    Like

  118. *Googles stuffed roadkill raccoon on fake vespa.” Men in black will be at my door in approximately two hours.

    Like

  119. OMG, I love that card so much. I really, really need someone to give it to. As a side note, I have been reading Let’s Pretend This Never Happened and laughing so hard that I start crying, and my husband just doesn’t understand.

    Like

  120. Have you totally forgotten about SAFETY??? They clearly need helmets!!

    Like

  121. ha ha ha ha ha… OH my… Is it weird that I want that Vespa? And the raccoon? That’s okay- I didn’t realize that the word “taint” isn’t really a word- (okay it is in reference to food, but not that part of your undercarriage) I heard the phrase-
    “Hotter than a rattlesnake’s taint” and so I became obsessed with finding if in fact rattlesnakes have taints. I’m gonna with “NO”. “Taint” in that reference is lewd slang. Ooooops. But it describes all those frog yoga statues perfectly… Really all you see is frog taint. I annoyed my husband by bringing to his attention that if it’s “lewd slang” than technically that yellow spot on a watermelon is ALSO a taint. So there… Rattlesnake and Watermelon taints. How’s that for a tangent? sigh taint recommended, taint approved.😉

    Liked by 1 person

  122. Rory needs to start a band called, “Rory and The Hurricanes,” and the drummer would become Ringo, who would become one of The Beatles. It’s meant to be. I’m a shit mom, too – and it looks like it’s genetic!

    Like

  123. My smile is as big as Rory’s right now. These pictures have made my day so much better. I need a version to frame and set on my desk.

    Like

  124. BTW…Here’s what you need. I think it’s probably perfect cat size. http://www.americangirl.com/shop/saddle-award-set-bkh38

    Like

  125. There are two Rorys?? When did that happen? Are they twins? Or do they have separate birthdays? Will Rory II celebrate his birthday differently? Will there be cake? So many questions running through my head….

    Like

  126. I love Rory. He is just so damn happy. I can’t believe he’s 5 years old! Where does the time go? Pretty soon he’ll want to go into his Emo phase and listen to questionable music, write bad poetry, and the longest sentence you’ll hear from him for months at a time will be “YOU JUST DON’T EVEN….UGH.”

    Like

    Lisa recently posted I slept all weekend to avoid fighting.

  127. The best ever after Armando, my real armadillo curled up into a handbag, which I am I don’t take out in public for fear of reprisals.

    Like

  128. Girl, you ain’t ‘quite right’, as they say around here. I should know, my husband tells me I ain’t quite right all the time. You’re definitely my kind of people. Our spouses should get together to commiserate. Then we’d both have more time for shenanigans while their attentions were diverted!

    Like

  129. We all need to put together a Kickstarter to get the Rorys’ a drone for them to ride. And then also little aviator caps and goggles.

    The can swoop down the neighborhood while you blare “Ride of the Valkyries”. It has to be Wagner cause you’re in a nice neighborhood, and you don’t wan the neighbors thinking the Rory’s don’t have class!

    Like

    nerril recently posted I Fought a Haunted Toilet AND SURVIVED..

  130. You truly made my day!!! Do I need new glasses or are there 2 Rories? Messing with a mind already scrambled lol!!

    Like

  131. Bwwwaaahhhhhlmao

    Like

  132. Happy birthday, Rory/Rory II!!!

    Like

  133. you truly are the best!

    Like

  134. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Your cats seem as perplexed by the stuffed animals as mine do.

    Like

    kstewand4cats recently posted Monday Calls for Sunbathing .

  135. 137
    Marianne M

    I loved Harry Chapin!

    Like

  136. I was having a truly godawful day till I came home and read your post. OMG!!! Rory I and II, and Ferris and Hunter, too. And a pink Vespa. Can it get any funnier? Bless you, Jenny, for making me laugh and cry, and always in a good way.

    Like

  137. ROFL! I love your insane posts!

    Like

  138. I needed this laugh. Thanks for sharing Rory I & II on a mini vespa.

    Like

  139. Please, please, please make a children’s book with pictures of Rory and your other taxidermied animals as illustrations. I mentioned this to you when you came to Des Moines but my five-year-old LOVES the cover of Furiously Happy and wants to know all about him. The Vespa pictures are fantastic

    Like

  140. Next up, Rory needs to fly…

    Like

  141. Oh, man. Thanks for this laugh! It’s been a rough evening. Discovered possible fraudulent bank activity today. Enough said. I’ll just be at the bank, signing papers (to legally certify that I didn’t go on a shopping spree in China), for the rest of the month if anyone needs me.

    Like

  142. 144
    Danielle E.

    LOL!!! That’s pure awesomeness!

    Like

  143. Thank you for This!

    Like

  144. That first picture…I can’t even.

    Like

  145. Some of the best sentences ever begin with:”And then Victor was like”
    Lmao!!! Happy bday Rory!!

    Like

  146. Thank you for brightening my evening.

    Like

  147. The only thing that would make you a terrible mom is not Amazon Priming the American Girl saddle overnight so Rory’s ride would be more secure. Oh.. And while you’re at it, strap your phone to his back while they run around and leave your Pokemon Go open to hatch some eggs!

    Like

  148. 15 minutes ago I had a shitty day at work
    That’s ALL better now.

    Like

  149. NED!!!! #142 YOU ARE THE BRAVEST OF THEM ALL!!! (I was soooo scared to show her? What if THAT is the line????🙂 )

    Like

  150. 152
    Jenni Lawson

    And that just made my day! Thanks for making crazy seem normal

    Like

  151. Well that is pretty epic! I will be sure to give you a bit more warning for Rory II’s birthday. These pix are amazeballz!

    Like

  152. Rory kills it! My best wishes🙂

    Like

    nascentwings recently posted BLABBERS WILL BLAB. YOU GO ON..

  153. 155
    Jennifer B

    Love it! I was so hoping you had pictures when I read the email. You didn’t disappoint! I love that it is available in your shop as well🙂

    Like

  154. There should be a Pixar movie about raccoons who were super mastermind burglars that go from raiding pantries to stealing secrets from Russia to save the country. Oh, and the raccoons wouldn’t even need masks ’cause they’re already born with one.

    Like

    jwgoodman recently posted Mr. Big Stuff.

  155. 157
    Billandjen Hughes

    Love it!!! My husband had a vespa when we got married. Drove me all over our little town. Tho we had no taxidermy animals to go with us…..jen

    Like

  156. I think Rory is having a better after life than most raccoons. He’s a famous icon AND he got to ride a pink Vespa.

    Like

  157. Thank you – Thank you!!!! I’m having a very bad week, I’m in the process of breaking up with a friend I’ve known for 10 years and it’s awful and hard, and upsetting. Then I see Rory on a Vespa and it’s ALMOST as good as reading the Beyonce story for the first time. Thank you Jenni – thank you Rory. You’re the bright spot in my life right now!

    Like

  158. Two raccoons on a pink Vespa is exactly how I needed to start my day!

    Like

    Sue recently posted Lego Homage to Sharknado.

  159. My wife and I started reading your books together & then bought them on tape (which everyone should do for a totally different & amazing experience) and I just want to say THANKYOU. THANKYOU for making us laugh after 12 hours on a road trip, thank you for your inspiration, and THANKYOU for reminding me that my unquie marriage is so much better than the norm!
    Lastly THANKYOU India.. I mean thank you for taking something dark, taboo, and often misrepresented as depression, anxiety, (insert 100 other illnesses here) and making it palpable for everyone. I have a nerve disease that makes every movement and motion a chore. Some days the pain is so blinding I cannot move. Five years into this illness I was in a very deep dark place I really wasn’t sure I could ever get out of. However after a lot of time in the dark I decided this wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted to enjoy the small victories, the big moments, and I was going to be dammed if I let my illness get in the way. I was going to inspire people and sadness be dammed! 10 years into this and I am living each day the best that I can and following the light no matter how small it is some days. I never knew what to call what I was doing and now I do I am living my life “Furiously happy”. THANKYOU for being the light at the end of our tunnels and the person carrying that torch for us each and everyday.
    P.S. Rory is the cutest raccoon ever and maybe you should corner the market on accessories for all your furry friends? You can make vespa’s, side cars, and RV’s! You could also make a collection of tiny hats, jackets, and accessories!
    P.P.S- thank you for your light

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  160. Kathryn: I never misremember things, collectively or otherwise. I know, for instance, that Harry Chapin not only sang that song, but went down in a plane crash in Loouisiana after converting to Islam in the Seventies.

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    Nasreen Iqbal recently posted Electronic mail.

  161. This is 100% unrelated to everything, yet I’m gonna park it here.
    I just came across this again today, and I thought you should have it.

    “The world breaks everyone, and afterwards many are strong at the broken places.” Ernest Hemingway.

    Just in case.

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  162. omg, i snorted coffee out my nose. damn you Rory!

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  163. I want a Rory!

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  164. 166
    Just Andrea

    @blondechick80: I am laughing at your comment! In a good way. “Happy late birthday, Rory”, heehee. He’s a taxidermied raccoon. : D

    Like

  165. I just got done listening to both of your books and I loved them!! I wish I had found you sooner! Thank you so much for writing them and sharing yourself with the world!!! Thank you!

    Like

  166. 168
    randis1003

    Rory 2??? What did I miss?

    (My second book? ~ Jenny)

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  167. Haha lol! Never mind the no hands-where are the Rorys’ helmets? Your not cats are like “dude apparently she doesn’t know those things are actually dead.”

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    Kelly recently posted 9 Fill Ups at the Boob Whisperer and I Think it’s Time for a Prank.

  168. Today royally fucking sucked. And then I saw what a good time Rory is having. How could I possibly still be upset after that? Clearly the small amount discretionary income I have needs to be invested into dead woodland critters.

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  169. Thanks, seeing this was just what I needed today. Happy Birthday, Rory! Now that you have your awesome pink Vespa, feel free to ride on up to Ohio some time for a visit. I’m rather nocturnal myself, so I’m sure we can have lots of fun! Oh, and there are cats here for you to ride as well, to ensure you don’t get homesick.

    Like

  170. boy oh boy! this post made my day!!😀

    Like

  171. 173
    Deb in Lisbon IA

    The perfect gift… Rory looks sooo happy!

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  172. That’s my pleasure ) the same they use in the amount of$ 1900 saved.

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  173. http://urlx.ru/IVf8 Disney $100 Gift Card

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  174. Having finished your books, my friend and Michele and I have an overwhelming urge whenever we pass road kill to either jump out and take a selfie or scoop it up and mail it to you. It’s kind of like shoes and ice cream cones, you can never have enough, I am right. Wither it be the bobcat stretched out on the side of the road in a strange exotic yoga pose or the squirrel we passed on our way to strength training the other night. Right smack dab in the middle of the road was a flattened squirrel save his 2 front paws, silently and eternally reaching up to give high tens or poised to jump out of a cracker box. We silently thought about jumping out and laying in the middle of the road with the squirrel between us to take a selfie. I mean there weren’t that many cars passing by. We quickly dispelled the thought knowing no one would want to stand beside us at strength training if we smelled like road kill. Yea, like that is the real reason no one wants to stand beside us at strength training.
    On the way home from such training, we silently saluted the squirrel as we whizzed past hoping he would still be there next week. Same spot, same pose. That then lead to a story I had to share with Michele about a recent sales call I had. Being in healthcare I get a number of strange calls but recently I had a call from a sales rep (aka glorified telemarketer) promoting her company that specializes in whole body donations. I know right. My thoughts starting spinning like an off kilter washing machine filled with sandy beach towels. Whomp , Whomp , Whomp, they just kept coming. When I finally got myself composed again to pay attention, the sale rep then launched into the fact that their company specializes in international contracts. What the….. I envisioned a cadaver sitting under a park bench in Amsterdam (Ampsterdam) or laying partially on the roadway as the Tour De France cyclist speed by. Since NC is an “At Will “state. I decided to close my office door hoping no one in Hospital administration would willing walk by and decided I no longer needed to be at work, permanently since I was overcome with uncontrollable giggles and snorts as my washing machine brain crunched out anything but t clean thoughts. The possibilities are endless.
    Just our thoughts, looking forward to your next book. Who Knows you may get a selfie with us sometime after all.

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  175. Now THAT is what “LOL” is all about! Seriouly LOLing.

    Like

  176. That is the happiest birthday boy I have ever seen. I can’t say the same about Hunter S. Thomcat though… xD

    Also, I tried to look up “small animal saddles” but all I got were results for miniature ponies, and children. How has no one realized that taxidermy trash pandas need saddles too??

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    introaverted recently posted So It Turns Out I Might Have Been Really Fucked Up for Pretty Much Forever, but I Think That It’s Kind of A Good Thing?.

  177. 180
    kolisnykmila

    Oh my god I need a dead raccoon, or dead something on my house. About the same size though, don’t want to go overboard on the dead stuff. Because we all know how that ends. (Not really).

    Like

  178. LOL – thank you from the bottom of my heart🙂

    Like

  179. halloween stuff is out in petsmart now so if you really really want a saddle for rory 1 and 2 go get a cowboy cat costume- they usually come with a saddle

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  180. Spent the day pulling teeth and filling holes in them and felt terrible for the women who got an elbow in the mouth by her husband in her sleep and now is missing a front tooth. Your photos just made me smile and giggle through the remainder of my dental day! Thank you

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  181. […] but I’m terrible at keeping up with emails so I totally missed his birthday. So to make … Continue reading → […]

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  182. Um, yeah these photos beg to be on stationary.

    Like

  183. 186
    veganbeachbody

    There’s something about stuffed raccoons on a mini-Moped that makes me so happy.

    Like

  184. OMG I love this! Awesome

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  185. Zazzle has reviews for realtor cards under the Rory card…which I was initially confused by but seriously how awesome would the Rory card be to receive after a home purchase? That sentence started out as a statement and worked its way into a question. Anyway, I think you have an untapped market of realtors out there!

    Like

  186. 189
    Marie-Antoinette

    Hi Jenny! Rory is the reason I read your book, I saw the cover and thought “wow, a smiling crazy looking raccoon, I need to read this” and then I found out HE WAS REAL and then I found out THERE WERE TWO OF THEM! Happy belated b-day Rory!

    Like

  187. Those American Girl dolls have nicer stuff than I do!! I want a pink Vespa!
    Also, happy belated birthday to Rory!
    My cats give me that same stankeye look when I do my own version of samba dancing with and/or for them (to celebrate the Rio Olympics!)!

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  188. Thank you so much for this. I laughed so hard, it made my week!

    Like

  189. I was having a shit day. And I came here. And now I’m smiling. Thanks.🙂

    Like

  190. I was laughing so hard, my husband looked over to see what was so funny. He stares at the picture of the 2 Rorys (Rories? Do you drop the y and add ie to make this plural? IDK) and shakes his head. I say, “What? It’s two taxidermied raccoons riding on their American Girl Vespa…is a sentence I never thought I’d say.” So, thank you. Thank you so much for making me utter complete nonsense in the happiest way possible!

    Like

  191. Don’t feel bad…I forgot my actual human son’s 5th birthday. Five-year-olds are very forgiving.

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  192. This is equal parts terrifying and wonderful. Happy belated birthday…to your taxidermy raccoons.
    There’s a sentence I never imagined typing out.

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  193. JENNY!!!!!!!!
    I couldn’t help but think of you when I saw this.
    Peace, Love, and flying carcasses. 💕

    Like

  194. The pictures of Rory and Rory 2 just make me smile. Ever consider selling little figurines of them? They’d brighten any home or workplace.

    Like

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