NIPPLE FOUND.

A couple of months ago I read that Samantha Bee made Time magazine’s 100 Most Influential People of 2017 and I was like, “WHAT.  SHE WORE MY NIPPLE ON HER FACE ONCE!” and then the strangers in line with me at the grocery store backed away quickly and I realized that I should maybe work on my phrasing.  Then I tried to explain that it was a lucky prosthetic nipple someone gave me during my first book tour and that I was wearing it poking out of my dress at a conference because it’s a nice way to see if people care enough about you to point out that you have a nip-slip, and also it distracts them from all the other dumb stuff you’re doing.  Samantha passed the test and was like, “Nice nipple” and so I peeled off my nipple to show her it wasn’t real and she licked it and stuck it on her forehead while we finished our drinks.

But then I couldn’t find any pictures or even remember who I was with so this happened so I went to twitter:

And then I finally decided I must have just imagined it but my friend Karen just texted me: “I FOUND THE PHOTOGRAPH OF SAMANTHA BEE WITH YOUR NIPPLE ON HER FOREHEAD.”  And now I’m very relieved because I was starting to think I was going crazy but here’s a picture of one of the most influential people in America wearing my nipple on her face while we were day drinking and I’m pretty sure that proves that I’m perfectly normal.

 

119 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Of course it does.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Well who doesn’t wear a prosthetic nipple on their forehead when they’re out drinking?

    Liked by 2 people

  3. You’re too fun to be normal.

    Like

  4. Your life is amazing! Wow!

    Like

    Amber Pixie recently posted Tales of Tailtiu, Lugh and Lughnasadh.

  5. We’ve all had those adventures that end with pictures that we are pretty sure will be used as blackmail for the rest of our days. That’s how you know you have great friends.

    Like

    celebrenithil recently posted We go on Adventures.

  6. You’re the leader.

    Like

  7. My love for both you and Samantha Bee just reached an all time high (which I didn’t think was even fucking possible), and I want to be best friends with you both. Like real bad. Oh, and it would be a dream come true if my nipples were on both of your foreheads. #lifegoals

    Liked by 4 people

    the incurable dreamer recently posted the incurable potty mouth.

  8. LOVE and I love that you asked Wendi ❤

    Like

  9. I feel like the line, “Jenny, Samantha Bee, and a prosthetic nipple walk into a bar…” is the start of a really amazing story. Please tell me you’ll write that story?

    Liked by 2 people

    Kelly and Geoff recently posted Not quite what I was suspecting in S7E2, but still good.

  10. If I had a nickel for every time a famous person licked my nipple…

    Liked by 2 people

    theycallmetater recently posted Tater’s Weekly Wrap Up.

  11. Perfectly!

    Like

  12. I REALLY hope she left it on all day just to check out other people’s reactions to her nip head!! EXCELLENT!! Wish I would have seen it!! Did anybody suck it off?? 🙂

    Like

  13. That woman in the background there looks awfully darn judgmental of Samantha Bee wearing your nipple. Bet whoever she is she wishes now – now that Sam B is so influential, she’s have at least been smiling and nodding in approval.

    Like

    Judith Liebaert recently posted The Right to Write.

  14. She’s a witch! Burn her! (Salem reference darling)

    Like

  15. I think that’s my nipple.

    Like

    Michelle recently posted Got A Ticket On A Run Away Brain.

  16. . . . and I bet I wish that comment above said – she’d – not she’s. (sigh).

    Liked by 1 person

  17. You know, you really have to start writing about unusual stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

    Nancy recently posted Shame.

  18. All the best things happen during day drinking!

    Like

  19. 19
    jooolsinpdx

    I love the expressions on the women in the background. Totally jealous.

    Like

  20. Whew! I thought it was a really giant zit and someone really needed to hold her down and do something about it!

    Like

  21. What a great nipple. Having on a forehead totally works when you bend over and kiss someone on their forehead you can have a little you know…

    Like

    Gary Lum recently posted I desire mutton flaps.

  22. I can’t even explain how happy I am that I live in a time that includes both you, Jenny, and Samantha Bee. AT THE SAME TIME.

    Seriously. Because we need you both. Desperately. 😊

    And can I just tell you that, despite the fact that I don’t really drink because alcohol goes straight to my head and I get very earnest and philosophical all at the same time, my new goal in life is to go day drinking with you both. #IWish

    Liked by 3 people

  23. Please don’t be normal. Why would anyone want to be normal?

    Like

  24. …did I miss the “nipple missing” post??
    I can see the posters … lost … one nipple picture…

    Liked by 1 person

  25. OMG!! you make me laugh!!

    Liked by 1 person

  26. If you’re giving nipples away, you should ALWAYS record the transfer for tax purposes. #writeoff

    Liked by 1 person

    Andrea G recently posted Perimenopause can go perifuckitself.

  27. 27
    Jennifer A.

    bwahhhhalllooolll

    Liked by 1 person

  28. 28
    IceBearNinja

    Pish! Normal is vastly over-rated. Actually, I’m not sure “normal” is even a thing. People who appear normal are probably faking it and have a fridge in their basement full of eyeballs and pug paws. No one wants to be like that.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. this may not prove that you are “normal” but it does prove that Sam Bee is one of us! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Hmm, it’s no prosthetic forehead on your real forehead, but it’s a close second.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Wish I was wearing one now. I’m at Subway next to a hospital, in a wheelchair with a broken foot. I would love to watch the reaction of all the med. workers who are in line for their lunch order.

    Liked by 1 person

  32. This is why it pays to follow you on Twitter & be your friend on Facebook. It all makes sense and is not crazy in the least. 🙂 Also, I ❤ Sam Bee.

    Liked by 1 person

    Kara recently posted Def Leppard – Hysteria 30th Anniversary – Animal.

  33. Needing my daily dose of absurdity to combat the insanity on the US news.

    Liked by 1 person

  34. I came over from Twitter to Nip my curiosity on your Twitter post. You and Samantha Bee were sisters or twins in another life for sure.

    Like

  35. Thank god we can finally put this to rest.

    Liked by 2 people

  36. Deeply jealous. On so very many levels.

    Liked by 1 person

  37. Hate to judge, but fake nipples aren’t for day drinking. They’re more of an evening-wear kind of prosthetic.

    Liked by 1 person

    becomingcliche recently posted Notes From the Zookeeper: Help!.

  38. I’m having a bad day with my anxiety attacks and this just made me feel so much better. Thanks Jenny for being you and thank you everyone on here for being just as crazy as her. Love you all 😘

    Like

  39. ok, no. you are EXTRAORDINARY b/c
    you write like no one else (I wanted to say like a mofo but I’m being polite)
    you ALWAYS make me laugh
    YOU WERE DAY DRINKING W/SAMNTHA BEE

    Liked by 2 people

  40. Is this a weird time to propose?

    Like

  41. Great story! Great moment! I hope she sees this post!

    Like

  42. So hold on….your nipple went missing and was found on Samantha Bee’s forehead….now your blood’s gone missing….have you checked Samantha Bee’s colon???

    I say subject her to some human shish-kabobing and see what you find. She won’t mind. She likes that kind of thing.

    Like

  43. 43
    david(crapnurse)

    i am from ireland,who is samantha bee ?

    Like

  44. A party’s not a party until a Canadian sticks a fake nipple on their forehead. That’s just science.

    Liked by 2 people

  45. Wow! Your followers really came through for you. I keep trying to find the picture of Grandpa showing off his trout but no one notices the fish because Grandpa’s huge penis is falling out of his shorts. I ask people about it all the time but I just get blank looks and then nervous laughs. Great ending for YOUR story though. :o)

    Liked by 1 person

    Mrs. Completely recently posted Boom, Baby!.

  46. The perfect response to “pics or it didn’t happen!”

    Like

    Janet Coburn recently posted Grammar Rules I’ve Given Up.

  47. I don’t think you could add anything to this post to make it any better. I love you Jenny. Rock on!

    Like

    abandonpants recently posted Staying F’ing Positive.

  48. That’s what all people say when they wear a nipple stuck on their forehead!

    Like

  49. You are definitely not normal.
    Unfortunately, “normal” people are not ever as funny or as entirely and utterly engaging as you are.
    I am certain that I am not the only (decidedly NOT normal) person who is really not a blog-follower, but who who follows your blog and no other.
    Thank you for not being normal. All us other not-normals need and love you.

    Like

  50. No, Jenny, you are not normal.
    That is why all the rest of us Not-Normal people love you so very much.
    Sadly, most “normal” people are never as hilarious or as utterly engaging as you are.

    Like

  51. 51
    Melanie Sinclair

    Thank you for cracking me up! 😘

    Like

  52. It proves that you are perfectly awesome. Made of awesome, in fact.

    Like

    OwnLessDoMore.us recently posted 2 years in: RV there yet?.

  53. This is so perfectly you. And her!

    Like

    Kathleen recently posted We Live in Seattle Now.

  54. This is awesome.

    Like

  55. You had to bee there to understand…

    Like

  56. Apparently I have utterly failed at Life…

    Like

  57. 58
    fruitcakewriter

    Once again, you have made my day. Where did you get the prosthetic nipple? It looks like something that could come in very handy in so many ways.

    Like

  58. 59
    fruitcakewriter

    Answered my own question. It was a gift. I’ll google it.

    Like

  59. Sam Bee is one of my heroes. You’re another, Jenny. Never change!

    Like

  60. Gives new meaning to “taking a nip” of something. 😉 We are regular watchers of Samantha Bee! Woo Hoo!

    Like

  61. “Normal” people are, sadly, never as utterly engaging and hilarious as you are.
    Plus, all of us Not-Normal people love you for being not-normal.

    Like

  62. 63
    Sheri Evans

    There is a they might be giants song I feel somewhat applies to this, only instead of prosthetic nipples on foreheads it was fake foreheads on their real heads. The album is “flood” and it feels very relevant to our current situation.

    Like

  63. 64
    @shthisisme

    Omg I love you.
    I wish cool stuff like this would happen to me and it might except that I seldom leave my house.
    My dogs would probably chew my prosthetic nipple if I had one and I dropped it. 🐶

    Like

  64. 65
    Terri in SF

    It stands to reason that two of my favorite people in the whole wide world would not only know each other but share nipples.

    Like

  65. One of the most wonderful things about you is that you come prepared for weird. Not only are you ready and willing to participate in whatever weirdness is happening, you actually bring the props. Awesome!

    Like

  66. And that you have awesome friends and acquaintances
    !

    Like

  67. That drink must be really cold.

    Liked by 1 person

  68. It’s like a unicorn horn, if unicorn horns looked like nipples.

    Like

  69. You are hilarious! I wish we were friends and I could hang out with you.

    Like

  70. No no no no, you don’t want to be normal! Normal is boring. You are much, much better then normal. Also, this is hilarious and I just choked on a piece of popcorn while reading this.

    Like

  71. At first I read your intro as, “What. She wore my nipple on her face ONCE!” And I thought, “Yeah, I could wear Jenny’s nipple on my face, like, a hundred times and still not make TIME’s list.”
    But even that’s not true. I’ll never experience the influential magic of the Jenny-nipple-third eye. My work is learning to be okay with that.

    Love you, Jenny & Sam Bee!

    Like

  72. Normal, no. Perfect, yes, perfectly wonderful and funny.

    Like

  73. Quite possibly my favorite since Beyoncé.

    Like

  74. I totally squealed out loud when I saw that picture! How awesome! You’re better than normal, Jenny. You’re fucking LEGENDARY!

    Like

    astreaward recently posted fighting.

  75. If only Time had known that picture existed, I know that would have been the picture they would have used. Missed opportunities.

    Like

  76. 78
    evilnewwargod

    You want to be normal?

    Like

  77. That’s so awesome.

    Like

    mommatrek recently posted Sorry I tried to be helpful and stuff.

  78. I think you were born under a special areola, Jenny. To find this photograph is an udder miracle.

    Like

    Shallow Reflections recently posted Mum’s perfect pancake recipe.

  79. No one would care if I had a nipple slip. Damn!

    Like

  80. So if she had a nipple on her head does that mean she was nursing that drink? Hehehe. Oh I kill me.

    Like

    Arionis recently posted Prilosec Is My Xanax.

  81. 83
    Lemons McGee

    I like wearing the prosthetic nipple on my forehead because then you’re like a tiny day drinking unicorn princess of fun & inappropriateness.

    Like

  82. Why is no one asking how why someone gave you a nipple in the first place? “Hi, nice to meet you! Here’s a lucky prosthetic nipple.” That’s how most human interactions go right?

    Like

    noteworthynonsenseblog recently posted Quotable Quips.

  83. I’m pretty sure you and Samantha Bee just won the internet.

    Like

    emilypageart recently posted Fiddle Quartet.

  84. You have 85 unread texts?

    Liked by 1 person

  85. Ok so l now have a better life than I did 10 minutes ago. Thank you Jenny!!

    Like

  86. I love this. And you.

    Like

  87. My mom’s internet has been down for two days, so I am going to have to call her to read her this because its so wonderful.

    Like

  88. That’s awesome!!! You should have her sign that photo. Then you should sign it and then I totally want that photo signed by both of you!

    Like

    supercatgrrl recently posted It Didn’t Kill Me And Now I’m Stronger.

  89. Jenny, next time you wonder why the weirdest googled phrases direct people to your blog remember that “nipple found”, “she wore my nipple on her face” , “nice nipple” , and “your nipple on her forehead” all appeared in the same post. Just saying.

    Liked by 1 person

  90. 92
    ocularnervosa

    If you say it happened then I don’t need photographic proof, but I bet Time Magazine wished they had that photo to run in their article.

    Like

  91. 93
    The Great Googly Moogly

    Well, that’s one way to get *sort of eye contact.

    Like

  92. You needn’t have stressed over proving you’re perfectly normal. We all know you are, Dear. That’s right. It’ll be okay. Just take these lovely little tic-tacs… here’s some water to help you swallow them. That’s right. backs away slowly

    Like

    emelle28 recently posted Stupid Shit We Fight About.

  93. That nipple looks suspiciously like an egg over easy.

    Like

  94. 96
    Queen of Potatoes

    TOTAL proof of normality.

    Like

  95. 97
    Queen of Potatoes

    “Hey, buddy, eyes up here…. oh wait.”

    Like

  96. Those background ladies were judging.

    Like

  97. That is AWESOME. I’m glad you found the picture. I have to admit I’m a bit jealous.

    Like

  98. perfectly normal 😀

    Like

  99. What about the creeps?

    Like

  100. Let’s be honest — if they are your friends the nipple text is not the strangest one they’ve gotten from you… 🙂

    Like

  101. Yep, that’s a nipple…

    Like

  102. I want to see who wants to wear the mushroom nipple on their forehead!

    Liked by 1 person

  103. She looks like Jerri Blank right there, in the best possible way.

    Like

  104. I am NOT a fan of Samantha Bee but I’m a huge fan of you because you bring whimsy everywhere you go. 🙂

    Like

  105. 107
    Laura Roberts

    This is amazeballz! Or awesome sauce! Or whatever the cool kids are sating these days!

    Like

  106. Your life is ridiculous and I love following along with it. Thanks for making me smile on a regular basis!

    Like

  107. You are my idol! ❤ Thanks for making me laugh, reminding me depression lies and giving me a level of weirdness to aim for!

    Like

    Laura Morrigan recently posted Eyeliner Stamp.

  108. I had no idea you could just BUY fake nipples. Interesting experiment, though.

    Like

    Adan Ramie recently posted Stakeout: ParaDice Point #6 [Free Short Fiction].

  109. Well this is just the best thing ever.

    Like

    Shari recently posted New Article on Tuning Forks and Sound Healing.

  110. If you and Samantha Bee aren’t normal then normality is greatly overrated.

    Like

    Christopher recently posted The Hair Apparent..

  111. Where did you get it? I have nipple-less Barbie boobs after double boobectomies and could use a couple!

    Like

    susielindau recently posted A Day in London with Charles Dickens: Photo Essay.

  112. 114
    brockbuildersteel

    Like a third nipple? Are those for real? My Dear sister used to drag race her Chevy’s in high school, back many decades before the invention of Air Bags. but we always new she would be ok in if she ever wrecked her Chevy’s while racing, she sport double – GG’.

    Like

  113. I am so tempted to add this to her wikipedia page but there is not enough caffeine in the morning to figure out how to describe it.

    Like

  114. I read Furiously Happy a while back and I work at the corporate office of Sally Beauty. We have a facebook page for employees, store and corporate. Someone posted on there today that a therapy pony was came to their store today for hair extensions. I immediately thought of you.

    Like

  115. Oh my god WHAT IS YOUR LIFE?!?!

    Like

    Awkwardly Alive recently posted Just… keep me out of the kitchen..

  116. Did you bring enough prosthetic nipples for the whole class??

    I dunno, I got nothing as funny as just that picture.

    Like

  117. I am so tempted to tell my friends about prosthetic nipples, but I’m afraid it would have a negative effect (Can’t people just deal with our crazy sides, like come on)

    Like

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