me: You know how giants always say, “I’ll grind your bones to make my bread”? Who makes bread out of bones? If you’re going to eat a person it seems like that should be a meat dish. Unless maybe the giant is on a low carb diet and all he can think about is bread? Either way, it’s going to be terrible bread and the giant is going to be very disappointed. But maybe that’s why he’s so angry…because he keeps fucking up bread and he’s starving and I totally get it because I’ve been eating low-carb for almost a year and it’s a shit show. Unless…hang on…is flour made of bones? Is that why it’s white? Because I never thought of it before but I don’t know what flour is made of. You never see an acre of flour growing in fields. Is it just crushed bones? Oh my God, do vegetarians know about this?
Victor: Please stop.
PS. I decided to look up “What is flour made of” because this blog is nothing if not educational and google says “white flour is made from the endosperm only” and that seems gross but the color makes sense, I guess? But it also says that “whole-wheat flour combines all three parts of the wheat berry” and I grew up around wheat fields and I’ve never seen any berries. Conclusion: Google is drunk and is probably the same person who gave that giant the human-flesh-makes-great-bread recipe.