It’s like trepanation but not at all.

So.  Yesterday I started rTMS (repetitive Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation) and if you’re confused then you missed my post explaining it and you need to go back and read it.  I am currently in a depression so my head isn’t working perfectly but if I don’t write it down I’ll forget so let’s do this.

The most expensive hat I’ve never owned.

First off, it feels like a woodpecker is drilling holes into your head while you have an ice cream headache and also you’re paying for it to happen to you.  And your head is in a vice and have you have tape on your face and protective earplugs on and your eyes are blinking involuntarily in a small convulsion and it looks like you’re winking at the doctor, nurse, and the medical students watching you, and then you have to tell them that you are not trying to seduce them but you say it way too loud because you have earplugs in and that’s awesome.

Secondly, I started this post wrong but my head hurts so I’m going backward.  The doctor told me that before we start he needs to find out “where my thumb lives” and I was like, “Are you sure you’re a real doctor because my thumb lives on my hand and it’s really obvious” but turns out they have to find it from my brain, which seems like a really long trip, but whatever.

The doctor told me that in order to find the parts of the brain where they need to hit me with magnets they need to find the homunculus first and then work backward and I thought it was a trick because I’ve played Dungeons & Dragons and I am perfectly aware that a homunculus is a flying telepathic monster made of blood magic:

But the doctor was like, “Jesus, no, that’s horrifying.  It’s this:”

Worst sex toy ever.

And that’s way more horrifying than the telepathic winged blood monster but apparently there are different parts of your body that are affected when you get magnet-punched in the brain-pan and to make sure they’re in the right spot they make you hold your thumb up like a hitchhiker and they keep magnet-punching your noggin until your thumb falls.  I called it a reverse-Fonzie but the med students didn’t laugh because I guess they’re too cool for Fonzie.

Hey, remember when I said I started this woodpecker head stuff yesterday?  Yeah, no.  I got depressed and couldn’t concentrate enough to finish this post for a week so now it’s much later.  But in a way it was good because that depression was enough to make me realize how terrible depression is even when it super sucks to have to leave the house and get hit in the head with an invisible chisel and it made me keep going even when I didn’t want to.

Anyway, here are the things that I found out about TMS:

  1. My brain is not at all symmetrical which I thought was weird but then the doctor was like, “Well, your face isn’t symmetrical so why would your brain be symmetrical?” and that makes sense but it’s also a little insulting because basically I think he just said that I’m even ugly on the inside.
  2. It super hurt the first day but everyone assured me that I’d quickly get used to being pummeled in the skull and they were totally right and also this feels like a pretty good metaphor for 2018 in general.
  3. If it hurts a lot they might be on a nerve and if you tell them they can move it a little and then it only hurts a little.  SCIENCE!
  4. They literally put my head in a vice to do this but if you have a good imagination it almost looks like a fancy fascinator for a futuristic royal space wedding and I think if I keep doing it long enough I’ll develop a magneto-like super power, which would be nice to help find my keys or change the channel without a remote.
  5. Every day they do 20 minutes with one pulse per second on my right side, and then on the left side of my brain they do 20 minutes with LOTS of pulses for 5 seconds followed by 10 second breaks.
  6. I couldn’t write while being whacked in the head so instead I listened to TED talks and took up embroidery.  Finished:

Classy AND positive.

Honestly, I don’t know if it’s working or not but today I feel better than I felt the day before I started and that feels like a good sign.

One week down.  Five more to go.

169 replies. read them below or add one

  1. You’re getting there. It will get better, And we will be cheering for you.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. If you get Magneto-like super powers, will you be able to do the rTMS at home? By yourself?

    Wait. That sounds dirty.

    I did not mean it that way.

    Liked by 6 people

  3. You are amazing!!! You are doing so much to help others by sharing this process!

    Liked by 3 people

  4. That embroidery is beautiful! Even when you’re getting peckered in the head, you’re a thousand times more talented than me.

    Liked by 6 people

  5. Um, that sounded dirtier than I intended. Probably.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Thank you for the updates! I’ve looked into this and am extremely curious as to how your treatment goes.

    Like

  7. Love the embroidery! Good luck!

    Like

  8. Your embroidery is amazeballs!

    Liked by 2 people

  9. So hoping that this all goes as smoothly as possible for you!! Sending you lots of good vibes and fuzzy kitten and puppy mental images!!

    Like

  10. 11
    tikilovegod

    Based on your description, it sounds like you’re getting a tattoo on your brain. Which would make it the most badass tattoo ever.

    Liked by 4 people

  11. This. Although 2017 was pretty bad, too.

    “It super hurt the first day but everyone assured me that I’d quickly get used to being pummeled in the skull and they were totally right and also this feels like a pretty good metaphor for 2018 in general.”

    Liked by 1 person

  12. We are more beautiful for our imperfections. If you mirror half of your face to make a “perfectly symmetrical” image, it’s really unsettling to look at. The doc was actually complimenting you of on your brain being beautifully unique 🙂

    Liked by 5 people

  13. 14
    A different Jenny

    The fact that you can focus enough to do embroidery while that’s happening is freaking amazing. You are amazing.

    Liked by 4 people

  14. 15
    ELP Veronica

    Jenny,
    You give me more inspiration that I can ever convey. You are probably THE most wonderfully, mentally comedic, person on this planet. And soon, if you do get Magneto powers, probably in the universe in general. Thank you for your bravery and sarcastically truthful humor, sometimes there are days I couldn’t make it without reading your comments about everything you go through. You are on your way to becoming an X-Men, or Avenger, or whatever the hell you want! You go girl!

    Liked by 3 people

  15. Are you accepting embroidery commissions? I like “Fuck Yes”, but could I get a “Fuck No” on the flip-side? Some days I just can’t suck it up an do the Yes.

    Liked by 5 people

  16. Thank you for yhe update! Sending positive energy and woodpecker food

    Like

  17. I remember being hammered by an MRI (I think it was) of my head. It was so loud, but I fell asleep because you aren’t supposed to move and after a while the noise was kind of soothing…yeah, I don’t know how that can be, but it was. Best wishes on this helping. You are incredibly upbeat even when you tell us life is beating you down.

    Like

  18. 19
    thejoygirl2014

    💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

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  19. You are not ugly inside or out.

    Like

  20. Sounds EXACTLY like my experience! Except I had to wear this super tight fitting little white cap like a swim cap but not as cute. When it got too stabby feeling they taped a thin piece of foam to the magnet part and it kinda helped. I watched Star Trek TNG during my sessions because totally SCI FI. I can tell you my anxiety has improved SO MUCH since my treatments. My depression is a hmmm maybe it’s better? Depression is such a secretive bitch I still feel like she’s hiding in there somewhere. Anxiety is like a most flamboyantly amazing person and it feels very obvious that they aren’t in the room as much anymore. Weird analogy but also apt for me. All fingers and neurotransmitters crossed that you get amazing results!!

    Liked by 6 people

  21. 22
    fruitcakewriter

    I am so hoping this works for you. Sending you healing thoughts and silly jokes.

    Like

  22. 23
    VERONICA CAINE

    Aw, Jenny. I’m so sorry that this is so bad. I pray that it’s all worth it!! Thank you for bringing us with you on this journey. We are cheering you on here in cyberspace!! And good job with the embroidery! I used to do that a lot, but stopped for a few years, so now I’ve forgotten. Maybe you can do some videos? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  23. 1 – I applaud you for doing whatever it takes to make yourself better, you are an inspiration
    2 – your embroidery is AMAZING and i wish i had it for myself
    3 – i busted out laughing at the “Homunculus” part and now my coworkers think i’m crazier than normal
    4 – keep fighting the good fight, 2018 has been a shit show but we shall prevail. cheers from Dallas!

    Liked by 2 people

  24. The fact that you did that embroidery while being tortured is amazing. I tried to not say “getting peckered in the head” like Beth B. did because, yes, it does sound dirty Beth! hahahaha! You are so amazingly talented!
    I really hope that this helps you find some relief. I can’t even imagine what you go through on a daily basis and I am in awe of you and your persistence, even on the most horrible days remember that you are fucking amazing! Don’t forget it!

    Like

  25. Some things can really only be properly described by you. And if you’re taking embroidery commissions, I want one of those…or maybe one that says “Fuck Y’all” with all the pretty flowers around it.
    You are one of the toughest women I’ve ever met (since I’ve been lucky enough to meet you twice, I’m not lying when I say so), Jenny. I’m betting you don’t think so, but it takes courage and strength to keep up this fight. GO YOU!

    Like

  26. First, I am so glad you’re getting to do this and that you’re feeling a little better.

    Second, did you only just now take up embroidery? Because that looks amazing!

    Like

  27. Fingers crossed that this is going to work for you. Like others said, I can’t believe you could embroider while being treated. Amazing!

    Like

  28. Both homunculus images will most likely be in my nightmares tonight.

    Liked by 1 person

    Mamacita recently posted Tricky Words.

  29. Fun fact. On your brain homunculus, the region for toes and feet are right next to the genitals region. This explains why some people get intense pleasure from having their feet fondled (crazy brain wiring). So, be thankful he didn’t look for a reaction from your foot…

    Liked by 5 people

  30. Doing beautiful embroidery while being magnet punched in the brain is already a friggin’ awesome super power. You’re doing awesome Jenny!

    Like

  31. Symmetry is overrated. Keep rockin’ that vise-hat-woodpecker gizmo. You’re brave and hope-filled, and that is beautiful

    Like

  32. Don’t know if I’m more impressed with your attitude or your embroidery. Glad you are noticing improvement.

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  33. You’re so amazing, Jenny. I know your depression is telling you differently, but, from this side of the computer screen, you’re mind-blowingly talented. Hilarious and kind and generous and inspiring, and a million other positive things. And we’re all really lucky that you’ve chosen to share yourself with us–the good, the bad, the eye twitching, and all.

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  34. Wow that sounds like SO much fun, I totally understand why your insurance company thought you didn’t need it for medical reasons and were just trying to scam them into paying for a good time.

    Anyway that embroidery is amazing, I hope the treatment keeps getting easier!

    Liked by 1 person

  35. Peace and Love and Healing to you. Healing angels surrounding your sweet head.

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  36. i guess your next embroidery will be “oh hell no!” ??? we need to share these embroidery patterns. haven’t done it in years. but if it makes you feel like you are not alone (while you alone are getting pummeled in the brain), i’m in, baby!

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  37. Just so you know, you are beautiful on the inside and the outside. But especially the inside. ♥️♥️

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  38. Thank you so much, Jenny, for writing about your experience. I have been unable to find enough first-hand accounts of TMS to allay my fears. You rock.

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  39. You are like the Tim Ferriss of mental health! It’s totally awesome of you to share your experience of this new and still kind of experimental treatment with everyone. I really, really hope it helps you and more people who have suffer from depression soon!

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  40. You are a brave warrior. Never give up.

    Liked by 1 person

  41. You are a superhero …. making the world a better place. ❤️

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  42. Jenny, I am so glad you keep going through each day, thank you! I hope the treatments help and you really should put your embroidery in your store, that would just help everyone!

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  43. I am so impressed by how brave you are. Thanks for sharing your journey with us. Also, your embroidery is amazing, and I want to make my own, but my husband is a party pooper and wouldn’t let me put it up.

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  44. Jenny you’re AMAZING!!!!! Doing anything creative while getting hammer in the head deserves a basket of kittens and ice cream straight from the machine! When the Magneto super powers really kick in you can tell your brain/depression to fuck off and never come back! Your posts through all of this is helping so many of us through our shitty days. Can’t wait to hear you are having wine slushies without a headache and HAPPY. We all deserve it! Keep going you’re doing it!

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  45. 46
    Jennifer :-)

    I think you are amazeballs!

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  46. Good luck to you, Jenny! I hope it keeps getting better for you.

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  47. PS – Love the needlepoint! I think I need that pattern too 🙂

    Like

  48. Your description is what my patients tell me as well, and all but 1 of my patients in the past year gets to where they have little to no pain. Usually the 2 week mark is when family/friends start noticing small improvements and the improvements slowly build from there. Many people still see improvements 2 weeks after you are done with treatment.

    Liked by 2 people

  49. Uhm. That embroidery is amazing and i need to know where you found the outline to make it happen.

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  50. TMS saved my life Jenny! Stick with it. You will not regret it.

    Liked by 1 person

  51. Awesome sauce, you are doing it! Hope it helps. And even if not, looks like you will have some great embroidery to show for it.

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  52. You are so brave!

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    s.e. taylor recently posted Things to say to someone with depression.

  53. Hugs and kisses.

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  54. That can’t be your first time at the needlepoint rodeo! It’s awesome for so many reasons!

    I hope that the invisible magnetic woodpeckers help long term!

    That was probably too many exclamation points in a row, but, fuck it!

    Liked by 1 person

  55. I didn’t even know this was a thing and now I want to KNOW ALL ABOUT IT! (my brain is weird too)

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  56. Please think about selling embroidery patterns and kits at your shop! I would buy and stitch them all! You rock!

    Like

  57. No way you can do embroidery while being smacked in the head by magnets! I can’t concentrate long enough to embroider when I’m not being smacked. You are amazing and thanks for sharing your story always!

    Like

  58. Do you have a PDF or something of that embroidery pattern? Because I am ALL ABOUT THAT SHIT.
    Hugs,
    Liz

    Like

  59. Wouldn’t it be cheaper just to have a friend tap gently on your head with a hammer? The results might not be all that different.

    Liked by 1 person

    jono51 recently posted Of guitars and moose.

  60. You go, Jenny! I wonder, is it possible for this to go wrong (or maybe right depending on how you look at it) and then suddenly BAM! You have super powers? Like the ability to control magnets or to make invisible woodpeckers drill into other people’s brains instead of stabbing them with forks? That’d would be so cool! Lots of hugs! I’m rooting for you!

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    Sara recently posted #Iwillbleedforbetterreasons.

  61. Talk about being a trooper. Power on lady!!!!!!

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  62. Totally cheering for you! And I love the embroidery. ❤

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  63. Yay!

    Also..I LOVE the embroidery. That is so awesome. 😀 YOU GO GIRL!

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    mommatrek recently posted You Can’t Fix Stupid–Get Outta My Country edition.

  64. Magnet punch is kind of the BEST description for what is happening. Are your TMS techs willing to adjust the placement of the magnet? Whenever I had a twitchy eyeball, my tech could make a slight adjustment so the twitch was gone or much less pronounced. So happy that you are able to do this. You were a big part of my own TMS journey (on the drive home, I listened first to Let’s Pretend This Never Happened and then Furiously Happy on Audible), so I’ll always think of you as part of my recovery. Hang in there!

    Liked by 2 people

  65. Holy shit, you embroidered that while getting pummeled in the head? Dude! You are such a badass! I’m so proud of you!

    Liked by 1 person

  66. I have no experience with this, but mainly commenting to say that cross-stitch is fucking amazing on about 12 different levels. Seriously, you rock.

    Also I hope this treatment works for you.

    Also I just ate at burger place with a metal chicken and I told my husband they had a Beyonce and he didn’t understand and I was sad (but only for a minute because that burger was freakin’ awesome).

    Like

  67. 68
    tia in boise

    *glad they allowed you to take pictures
    *sci fi fascinator: nice!
    *”reverse fonzie” = awesome!
    *embroidery while being “treated”….WOW!

    Liked by 1 person

  68. Isn’t it strange how so many treatments that are created to help us feel better have to make us feel HORRIBLE first??? I’m hoping this works for you and sending you good vibes for that. I also hope that by writing about it, you help it become a more mainstream way of helping people so that more people can be helped. Hopefully that made sense! Love the embroidery, by the way! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Kat recently posted Friday’s Nuggets.

  69. You go girl!!!

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  70. 71
    ouzelumbird

    So very much in awe of your strength and determination. Christ almighty you can sit there and patiently smile with a fukken jackhammer strapped to your head, and do ass-kicking embroidery. By now you will, perhaps, have noticed there are a shit-ton of people rooting for you, hoping SO HARD that this hard work will bring you some measure of relief. Hang in there. You’re admired, cared about, valued, and yes, loved.

    Oh, and for your next embroidery project, could you do one that says “thundercunt”? Haha, just kidding. Mostly.

    Liked by 2 people

  71. Did you really ‘take up embroidery’ for the very first time, whilst being pummeled in the head, and it looks like that?? When I ‘took up’ embroidery, my loving husband actually laughed out loud at my first project. Drunk cats would have done a better job. And probably stabbed themselves fewer times, since they are used to having sharp pointy things in their paws all the time. That is hella good.

    Liked by 1 person

  72. I’m so thrilled for you Jenny!! You, fuck yeah!, are getting there! Happy days ahead!

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  73. Oh my goodness- the more of your stuff I read, the more I want to hang out in a blanket fort with you. Wait- does that sound stalkerish? (see, making up my own words too) I am proud that you are doing everything you can do to get well.

    Liked by 1 person

  74. Thank you for sharing. I hope your depression goes away soon. How would you describe the pain? Tolerable? I am getting this done soon.

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  75. Hoping you have good results from this treatment.

    Like

  76. I think you will probably left with a halo that only we will be able to see. You got this. Also, I am old enough to know what a reverse-Fonzie is. Those med students are too young to get that. What are they, like 12 these days?

    Liked by 1 person

  77. 78
    maura a hart

    i would pay cash money for that embroidery pattern

    Like

  78. holy shit, hang in there.

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  79. 80
    Melanie Sinclair

    You are an inspiration to so many people,thank you! I am holding good thoughts for this treatment to really do the trick.

    Like

  80. You always make me laugh and you have a heart of gold. I’m amazed that one person can endure so much and I’m praying that this helps you.

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  81. How freaking awesome ARE you? Every post you reveal some new talent, insight or creative endeavor – AND you’re a good person. That embroidery is beautiful and so are you – as well as funny, smart, inspiring, talented and really, really creative. Think about that while the woodpeckers are hammering with their magnets. We’re sitting over here jaws dropped in awe.

    Liked by 1 person

  82. You are amazing! Not only to go through life and still have your sense of humor, but also go through this treatment and make beautiful embroidery! Stay strong, we are all with you in spirit.

    Like

  83. Thanks for the updates. Sending positive (magnet-free) thoughts ❤️

    Like

    Andrea G recently posted I’m at 85% and I don’t know if that’s good enough.

  84. I can’t believe the doctor called you ugly on the inside too. I’m sure your organs are beautiful. I bet your spleen is drop dead gorgeous. Second I want super powers I’m going to be so jelly when your a super. Hope you feel better soon

    Like

  85. And she embroiders. I can’t even sew a button on without putting the needle through my finger, and this amazing (and beautiful on the inside and out) is doing creative crafts while her brain is getting whacked. Well done, Jenny!

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    mydangblog recently posted My Week 195: It’s The Allergies That Are Annoying, Not Me.

  86. those flowers are impressive AF 🙂

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  87. You are nothing short of amazing.

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  88. You are AMAZING Jenny!! And you totally gots this. And I had the same experience witwith an MRI as Helen #18. I got so use to the hammering I feel asleep & woke up when it stopped.
    https://goo.gl/images/yBUFjG

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  89. I loved learning about the homunculus in med school. I hope this approach with rTMS works for you, Jenny.

    Liked by 1 person

    Gaz recently posted Yummy Lummy Sous Vide Brassica Vegetables.

  90. I love you, Jenny. I hope this treatment helps you feel much better. Awesome embroidery!!

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  91. 92
    Margret Schreck

    Sympathies and all that, Madam Blogess. But the medical students are probably just too young to react to a Fonzie reference.

    Liked by 1 person

  92. I don’t mean to brag, but if you have radiation treatment for cancer? You get tattoos.

    A superpower would’ve been better, but we take what we get, and we joke about it to survive

    Solidarity, sister!

    Liked by 1 person

    OwnLessDoMore recently posted The 49-year-old whippersnapper, or: how I survived the over-55 RV park by acting my age. Sort of..

  93. Keep up with the good work, but don’t let them mess with your creativity or sense of humor!

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  94. I love you guys. I bought the embroidery kit on etsy here: https://www.etsy.com/listing/603716837/full-kit-hand-embroidery-kit-embroidery?ref=listing-shop-header-2 If you look at mine and at hers you’ll see that I messed it up a bit but it was fun.

    Liked by 4 people

  95. Cheering for you, Jenny! You are the awesome-est of the awesome. Thank you so much for sharing your bravery and journey. Love your embroidery and love you.

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  96. 97
    PibbityBibbity

    The “worst sex toy ever” photo caption made me laugh so much! Also, the photo is really, really creepy, like something from some fucked up sequel to the already fucked up human centipede movies.
    Also, If you’re doctor looks like Gene Wilder, you need to get the hell out of there! (“STEEN! STEEN!”)

    Like

  97. You totally got this, Jenny! Getting magnet punched in the brain doesn’t sound fun, but no one deserves to have their head working as much as you. Stick with it! We’re rooting for you!

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    Adie // The Cupcake Witch recently posted Our Lives Matter.

  98. Sorry to disagree, but those feelings are not the pecking of a woodpecker…..they are the love taps of a Unicorn. You are magical, beautiful and strong. Why didn’t my grandmother teach me embroidery like that?

    Like

  99. This is fantastic news! New treatment is exciting and wonderful, and I hope that it really, really helps you. I have heard that it can put someone into total remission, and I don’t know what that would even be like. I hope you remiss, and your embroidery is fabulous!

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    becomingcliche recently posted The Introverted Activist: Be the Light.

  100. I am either impressed or confused (maybe a bit of both) how the heck you can do such beautiful embroidery while a woodpecker is pecking at your brain every second. You are either really really good at ignoring negative stimuli, or… Something. I really really hope this works well for you.

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    heather26r recently posted Editing goal met! And other updates.

  101. Best wishes from the woodpeckers of the world! Hope this treatment is VERY effective for you. And, just because I am an editor, it’s not a vice. It’s a vise. Vice is like sin. A vise holds things in place. Just saying.

    Liked by 1 person

  102. Thanks for the education abut this. In your pocket, always with snacks!

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  103. Thanks for explaining this so clearly. I really hope this helps. And awesome embroidery.

    Like

  104. You are awesome and so talented.

    Like

  105. FYI:
    1- audiobooks are good to listen to while you’re “trapped”
    2- it took a lot longer to kick in for me initially than they said it would. But then, one day I just noticed I felt better.
    Good luck!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  106. That’s pretty solid embroidery for someone being punched in the brain. Way to be productive. https://possumscatsthingsgnawingatme.wordpress.com/2018/06/21/we-are-soooo-going-to-barf-on-the-carpet/

    Like

  107. 108
    https://www.linkedin.com/in/brandy-wyse-56bb21a1

    congrats on every single day you go! you rock!

    Like

  108. 109
    Sandi Kay

    Sending good thoughts to help with the thoughts you already have. Thanks for taking us on the journey – I hope the destination is worth it.

    Like

  109. 110
    muchadoabouteverything

    I love you, Jenny.  I am thinking good thoughts. I am saying prayers.  In sending all the positive energy your way imaginable. Feel better. You deserve peace and happiness. I feel so hlessed to have found you and your writing.  You do so much for so many of us. Sending you love and support, unconditionally.  Patrick

    Like

  110. 111
    Joyce Pugh

    Love that you took up embroidery! Keep posting your work please?

    Like

  111. Far fucking out!!! You GO!

    Like

  112. So the fact that you were able to do embroidery means they only had to fuck with your thumb as a map to get somewhere else, and they didn’t magically control your hands the whole time with the Illudium Q36 Explosive Space Modulator helmet and then grin behind your back because it made you do an awesome embroidery? That’s good to know. Still stinking proud of you for doing this for yourself and all those other reasons. You are so worth it, Jenny.

    Like

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  113. I’m married to a doctor and can assure you that med students aren’t too cool for anything. Probably they just didn’t get the joke because they’re science nerds who don’t get pop culture references.

    Like

  114. I took up cross stitch when my endometriosis went crazy and trapped me on my couch for four years. It saved me so many times, having something to do even when I was in pain and bed ridden. I even keep a small project in my purse for all the time spent waiting in doctors offices because I can never concentrate enough to read a book!

    Like

  115. You have an amazing number of cheerleaders and I’m happy to be part of Team Jenny. So awesome that you’re trying this. Prayers for your success, though you are way ahead of the game with that embroidery. I’ve stitched for years and never made anything that relevant!

    Like

  116. I LOVE your embroidery! I hope your treatment works and you feel noticeable results soon!

    Like

    introvertinmedicine recently posted Yoga, painting, and books.

  117. You are crazy talented with your embroidery! Good job!

    Like

  118. Just stay positive that this is going to work. Every day is a little bit better than the last. And as my motto and tattoo says – there is always hope!!!

    Like

    LadyPamelaRose recently posted Something Strange in the Neighbourhood.

  119. 120
    Anonymous

    I had rTMS 2 years ago and it worked! I still take antidepressants to keep things steady but I went from crying every day to feeling hmmm this is alright! 2 years!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  120. 121
    Anonymous

    Your embroidery is GORGEOUS

    Like

  121. This is fascinating me to no end. I would have been very skeptical if I read about this anywhere else online but I trust you, Jenny. I’m interested to see how well it works for you.

    Like

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  122. 123
    Rebecca in SoCal

    Eagerly following your rTMS adventures. I looked into it but ultimately decided against it for various reasons. I did read a book by a man who had his Asperger’s treated with it…that was interesting!

    Like

  123. 124
    Rebecca in SoCal

    Oh, I forgot…my husband and I were at a party with some twenty-somethings recently, and he was talking about choosing a young doctor who would be up with the newest ideas. He calls his doctor “Doctor Doogie”. I waited until the ride home to mention that the youngsters probably didn’t get the reference. Also, since he doesn’t keep up with popular culture, I didn’t explain the very different images younger people might have of NPH.

    Like

  124. 125
    cherylnoble

    Sounds about as much fun as a needle injection in two places of my ankle to inject stem cells so one day the ankle will stop looking like a grapefruit and feel like getting hit with a hammer.

    Welcome to the “Ive had enough of this crap club and I’ll do anything to be done with it” club.

    You must have had an MRI once if you know the other way to bang on your head

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Like

  125. I hope your treatment is going well. I love the embroidery too. It’s a good reminder that sometimes what’s missing is as important as what is present.

    Liked by 1 person

  126. 127
    onesickvet

    I feel like the sci-fi fascinator would be worn to the Dr. Who end of the world party.

    Like

  127. 128
    Juin TeVrucht

    Thanks,Jenny,for explaining about rTMS. I know it’s early in the treatment, but you “sound” better. Blessings to you for the healing to continue.

    Like

  128. 129
    James Finley

    Thanks for sharing your headpecker experience – I hope it provides lasting relief. Following your reports closely; next time I see my psychiatrist I’m going to ask her for a referral to try rTMS (we found a provider here that takes Medicare), since we seem to have run out of chemical solutions for the depression.

    Like

  129. That was the hardest part for me: knowing that is was going to hurt like a MF, but still voluntarily showing up to do it everyday. A reflection on motivation/desperation to get better?

    Like

  130. 131
    Mark Swope

    You’re a pioneer! Thanks for doing this and explaining to the collective. (of course, I hope you feel better, too.) I wonder about the wisdom of using an embroidery needle while getting pounded in the skull. The results are beautiful and I see you got all the blood out. Hang in there!

    Like

  131. You go girl…you are an incredibly strong person! I would have run from the treatment screaming! They would have to had given me plenty of sedation, but then again they can’t because you have to be able to tell them if they are hitting the right spot. I am so glad you are able to put this situation in humour and glass half full situation, you are helping so many people in their struggles with depression. Big hugs, you are my hero!!

    Like

  132. Actually, truly symmetrical faces are creepy on a level that can’t really be explained, except maybe that no one really has a symmetrical face so I guess we equate it with pod people, or something. So I don’t think the doctor was insulting, just doing that thing a lot of them do where they are blunt and truthful and unaware of how they sound.

    Like

  133. I didn’t think you’d get superpowers, it looked more like The Fly. But if you get superpowers, It’ll be awesome!

    Like

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  134. 135
    rfeiertag

    Wow. You really are inspiring, Jenny. I think you already have a lot of superpowers: writing, compassion, humor, and now embroidery. I cam’t wait to read what you’ll do once you’re Magnetoized. Which part of the brain would need to get hammered to fly?

    We’re all here for you.

    Ruth

    P.S. I say a Beyoncé in Portland, but I couldn’t figure out how to send you a picture. Maybe once you’re finished with these treatments you’ll be able to pick up our thoughts telepathically. Only nice ones though.

    Like

  135. Jenny, I think the med students are too YOUNG to remember the Fonze but that’s ok because the rest of us who do remember can be the cool ones. B), the embroidery is awesome! How in the world do you do it in the middle of magneto-therapy? And 3), that crown you are wearing has your new title on it— NeuroSTAR!! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

    Like

  136. 137
    Anonymous

    You so need to look up the map of the sensory cortex!

    Like

  137. Love the futuristic fascinator aspect! And will be even better when the drilling woodpecker has banged the depression into submission (ha – banged).
    Plus D&D homunculus way cuter and not nightmare inducing like the brain onen that is just creepy.
    Much love and cheering from the bandstand for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  138. Loudly announcing “I’m not trying to seduce you!” randomly at the store and other public places seems like something we should all be doing–just so everyone feels safe.

    Liked by 1 person

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  139. 141
    Anonymous

    Jenny, you are our NeuroStar.
    And get the Etsy person to give you an affiliate link. I hear cash registers a-ringin’
    Be well

    Like

  140. A similar magnet punch in a different area makes some autistic people become neurotypical for a few hours.

    Liked by 1 person

  141. You have such a beautiful smile that glows and makes my heart smile. You are far too beautiful to be sad so stop it! …If only it were that easy huh… I’ve been stuck in the worst depression of my life for the last 6 months and can’t shake it. However reading your blog and Facebook posts cheers me up. I own both of your books and have read them both but just bought the audio versions and love that you narrated them yourself. It’s such a rare thing to have an author read their own books. It makes them even funnier to have you read them. Anyhow. Thank you for giving me a reason to laugh and smile.

    Like

  142. 144
    Steve the Fan

    Yeah, that thing your doctor showed you is definitely not an homunculus. It’s a flesh golem. I’m guessing he must have failed transmutation (I don’t think it’s a required class at medical school, though).

    But thinking about it now, I would have thought he needed transmutation to magnetise the woodpeckers…

    Like

  143. Hey Jenny, my husband is still trying too, back on the medication train again and feeling sick- but he’s still trying. I love him so much for it. It means he wants to be here with us still, experience more joy with us. Be present for more time each day, have a few more spoons. He deserves it, as do you. I know your little family must be so proud of you too. Also, if you know what 1023 4255 8690 is, then I could send you or H a gift from Australia, which may contain an egg. Also, I did my tax. Finally. My Aunty did my washing…..Xx

    Like

  144. Invisichisel! And, woooow, that ‘worst sex toy ever’ is prob’ly also the worst at lots of things! :-O (Um, that emoji is so not a target for anyone looking for a sex toy. Well, hell, maybe it is. Different dimensions do things differently.)

    Like

  145. Dude that embroidery is AWESOME! I want one!

    Like

  146. you got good courage, lady. If I were a praying person, I would. Instead I’ll just think good green and blue thoughts at you.

    Like

    judyt54 recently posted Charlie and his big adventure.

  147. Gold star for doing ANYTHING while getting magnetically poked in the brain! My head instantly hurts just thinking about it, but if there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, it’s absolutely worth it!

    Like

    Sammi Sidetracked recently posted Bathroom Toad: The Sequel.

  148. ah, 2018. So many metaphors, so little time.

    Like

  149. 151
    xaneroxane

    Sending you love, strength, and energy—but not the kind that would interfere with magnetic pulses! Blessings to you!

    Like

  150. Glad you are learning to tolerate your Woody and hope it helps a lot!

    Like

  151. Oh, my gawd, I so want to say something helpful and uplifting and supportive, but my gut is currently twisting itself in knots at what you describe. I really, really, REALLY do hope this all works out for you. I’m not sure I can leave the house today, though, because just the idea of my head being in a vice is sending me spinning. Yikes! I’m so sorry you are going through this, but I SO hope to hear that you feel amazingly and miraculously healed when it’s over.

    Like

    Rowan recently posted This Post Has Nothing To Do With Llamas.

  152. Jenny, you are so brave and strong and talented. I love that you have a voice in this community. I struggle with not letting myself get in the way and you are so amazing for pushing forward and being so open about your struggles and success. I hope this new treatment helps and I love this embroidery.

    Like

  153. 1) Beautiful embroidery! 2) It’s sad that we are so used to depression that when we feel better we assume it must be a trick – or at least that’s how I felt when I started feeling better due to acupuncture. Praying that your feeling better is the real deal!!!! PS Check out the Moderately Offensive Fiber Artists (MOFA) on FaceBook 🙂

    Like

  154. I hope it’s working! 💜💜💜

    Like

  155. I’ve been reading you a long time. And you once helped me out at the e nd of my ro pe -in the comments. I don’t suffer from mental illness (diagnosed at least. I’m certain i have something but it hasn’t made the big book of crazy yet,). But I have a very curious problem and if you would let me tell you the story maybe it could be resolved. But it’s a long story and I am bad at 1 finger typing. So I want to email you. Not sure how to do that. My email is vagmztp@gmail.com. I should tell you my husband is schizophrenic my son bipolar. And I am newly fired and retired and very very tired. Note I’m fired due to a hair drug test that showed pot and cocaine (i haven’t even seen cocaine since1985. And not the pot either.). I am 67 and don’t do drugs (except wine). And for the 6 months prior to the hair test I’d take n at least 6 pee tests all negative. So how the fuck is it in my hair? Hoping you can help… Vanessa

    Like

  156. 159
    Anonymous

    I’d have told those upstart med students to sit on it!

    Like

  157. I really would not have thought that embroidery and magnet stabbing would be compatible, but that is awesome!!! And if you can take it one day at a time, that’s amazing and you rock!!

    Like

  158. My psychotherapist suggested this treatment again today. The difference today from previous days is that it seemed less scary. I knew that you were currently undergoing treatment and would give me a heads up in terms of what to expect. It means a lot.

    Like

  159. 162
    Jennifer Hood

    Holy shit, I am at work and scrolled past the thumb monster DD thingy to the weird science brain body part glob and nearly fell off my chair laughing. What the actual fuck?

    Like

  160. How is it possible to do embroidery if you can’t write? Like, PHYSICALLY possible or mentally? Either way, that is a bad-ass hoop!

    Like

  161. 164
    Carol Anne Fusco

    Ugly? WTF…you are very pretty on the outside and fucking beautiful in your soul! You make such a huge difference in e lives of so many people. We are very,very grateful for the gift of you.

    Like

  162. Two things: I said a fonzie joke to my 13 year old students. Total crickets. They did not know who he was. And two) That is the best embrodiery ever. It makes me want to take bust out my own hoop.

    Like

  163. Your embroidery skills are AMAZING.
    This is fascinating and I cannot wait to keep hearing about this.
    WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT WIZARDRY WITH YOUR THUMB?

    Like

  164. Thank you, as usual, for being so open about your depression and the processes you take to overcome it! Also, I am over 9000% envious of your cross stitching skill. My ADHD and I have a hard time settling down long enough to complete any yarn work that isn’t knitting (and even then, I have to go back and forth between 2-3 projects in one sitting so I fool myself into thinking it’s a whole new thing).

    Like

    Apostrophe T recently posted Scarlett Johansson Is a White Cis Woman.

  165. Sending good vibes your way. I’ve battled depression and anxiety my whole adult life. I love reading your posts and your humor. You got this!

    Like

  166. After some time there was an ominous sounding schlurp and the sound of bubbling. I drew the trepan out and the gurgling continued. It sounded like air bubbles running under the skull as they were pressed out. I looked at the trepan and there was a bit of bone in it. At last!

    Like

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