So this morning I was cleaning up and I turned on the dishwasher but then a few minutes later I noticed that the laundry detergent was on the counter and I haven’t done laundry in days then I was all “Fuck. Did I just put laundry detergent in the dishwasher?” and then I kind of panicked because one time we put dish soap in the dishwasher and the house exploded in foam so I got on twitter and I was all “Hypothetically speaking, if I accidentally put laundry detergent in the dishwasher will that make my dishwasher explode? I kind of need to know as soon as possible” and like half of the people were all “Oh you’ll be fine, dumbass” and the other half were all “THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE. GET OUT NOW” and one guy was like “It’ll help remove the blood stains” which makes me wonder what he uses his dishwasher for. But I was still worried so I wrapped a old comforter around the dishwasher in case it started to leak because comforters are like giant shamwows and I felt pretty proud of my ingenuity but then Victor walked in and was all “Why is there a comforter wrapped around the dishwasher?” and I didn’t want to explain it because he still hasn’t stopped talking about the last time I set the oven on fire and that was years ago, people. Like, let’s live in the present already, right? But then I remember that in the present I may have just broken our dishwasher by dumping a bunch of Tide in it but I didn’t want to admit that yet because it’s still vaguely possible that I used the right soap so instead I told Victor that the dishwasher was cold and he was all “What. the. fuck?” and I was like “Well, it has to heat up to wash the dishes, right? And I thought it would help save energy if I insulated it so it could get hot faster. And then our dishes would be cleaner. I’m always thinking” and Victor just stared at me in silence and then I admitted that I may have used laundry detergent in the dishwasher and he shook his head and me and then he explained that he’d left the laundry detergent out on the counter and I was all “SO THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT” and Victor was like “What? How is this my fault?” but I stormed off before he could say anything else because it’s a nice change when Victor fucks something up for once.
Comment of the day: First, if you are going to set the oven on fire, do it the right way. My father literally blew the door off the oven when I was a kid baking the traditional Guyanese Black Cake for Christmas. Just think lots of rum, fumes, and an oven NOT left cracked open so the fumes could escape. My mom didn’t mind. She got a new kitchen for Christmas. And we got a family story that makes all my mishaps seem small. Mostly. Next, about the dishwasher. Our dishwasher died in a horrible yet spectacular fashion. Which is why I know how to get blood off dishes. The key is to spray them with that non-stick cooking spray like you do if you’re putting tomato based products in plastic containers. After whatever causes the blood spray is done, you can just rinse them off. Just be careful carrying the dishes because they’ll be a little slippery like when you clean your wood floors with Pledge late at night. It sounded like a good idea until the next morning when your young son got out of bed in his socks and steps into the room and goes flying across the floor into the opposite wall and looks at you with his adorable faces and screams “what did you do this time!” If you do use the cooking spray on the dishes, you’ll also have to come up with a good excuse for WHY you used it. I think planning ahead like that is called pre-meditation. ~ Chele Luzier
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Wow, I guess you really should stay away from large appliances. At least in the end it was his fault because that is not where the laundry soap belongs. I loves the fact that you tried to convince him that the dish washer was cold, that is exactly what I was thinking as I was reading it!
And make sure you remind him that you didn’t remind him of his fuck-up the next time he reminds you of yours. I Hep-pig!
Does that mean you didn’t put any detergent in the dishwasher at all? Because while that’s eco-friendly and all, it’s crappy for your dishes.
No, I put the right kind of soap in. I just opened it up and smelled it to be sure. It was gushy but I think it’s supposed to be that way. Probably.
you need a maid
or more drugs
probably more drugs
JT
x
jenny talia´s last blog ..video of the week
Jenny? I think your refrigerator might need a pillow.
anymommy´s last blog ..Do as I say, not as I do
Actually, the comforter around the dishwasher is kinda brilliant.
Dishwashers do get cold. And lonely. I bet it lovingly washes your dishes now because you care, and you can’t buy THAT at Home Depot, Victor.
I’m having trouble with the visual of the comforter wrapped around the dishwasher. Is your dishwasher not set into the counter? Was it just shoved against the front? I require more information.
Um, yeah, if my dishes actually were covered in human blood, would putting Tide in the dishwasher be better? Asking hypothetically for a friend who lives in Canada.
I’m sorry I gave you a snarky answer on twitter when I saw your question. We don’t have a dishwasher so I have no idea what would happen. But it sounds like you did use the right detergent, so you should be ok!
Elizabeth @ Table for Five´s last blog ..I’m hosting a Twitter Chat today!
I am so glad I read this about the blood stain thingy…for years now I have been trying to get them out. Sigh!
A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..Sad Sad Sad… My Titles Suck a Huge Moose Cock Lately. (****)
I get yelled at for losing things in our apartment. Frequently I will put things like the remote in the refrigerator. I’m not sure why shut up don’t judge me.
I hope your dishwasher doesn’t explode.
Once my dad accidentally dropped a bottle of detergent in the washer and more came out than he thought and when he started the clothes and then left and we came back and foam actually was erupting out of the laundry and into the kitchen and I was little so I thought it was cool and took off into the foam and my mother was just horrified.
Nothing in my life can be normal. Nothing.
Rook´s last blog ..I’m Crazy But It’s Cool Week – Four Crazy Ladies and Why I Love Them
When I was somewhere around 7 years old I took the toaster apart, which went fine, but then couldn’t get it back together again which was not so fine.
Well into my 30′s if anything broke that I swore I could fix my mom was like “No, it’s ok, I’ll call someone.” I’m a computer programmer, I can assemble computers together from scratch, I was a videographer for years setting up and breaking down electronic equipment on a daily basis, and *still* she didn’t trust me.
Some stigmas last way longer than they should. I feel your pain.
But did you add the fabric softener?
It gives your drink glasses an awesome spring mountain fresh scent!
Your ability to come up with that whole “saving energy thing” on the spot like that makes you my hero. And. Also. Hilarious.
Stefanie´s last blog ..be your own man
Hey, I want to be stuck on a desert island with you. No, not in that stalker-ish way, but you are one smart cookie. Who would have thunk to put a comforter on the dishwasher to hold suds in AND then make up something about keeping the dishwasher warm? Bravo, I say. Bravo!
Michelle Zive´s last blog ..Growing a Suburban Hippie: Part II
I’ve run out of dish soap and used laundry soap as a last resort, also I’ve used shampoo as laundry soap. Nothings blown up yet. Just thought you should know, for future reference.
LOL…Hiliarious. It would appear that “human” happens to all of us. Maybe not in a Human League way, but in a shit, I just jacked up an appliance day. Cheers to personhood!
Wow, I am thinking that it is awesome. I will have to remember the dishwasher is cold.
Excellent. Truly. I love a good couples interchange where I can actually laugh out loud. Many thanks.
PS But don’t use Dish Soap as Shampoo or your head will implode.
This is also a great testament why MEN should not be allowed in the kitchen. They don’t understand where shit goes or logic behind why it goes there. Clearly, this is Victor’s fault as laundry detergent does NOT belong in the kitchen on the counter. Had he not fucked up and violated this very simple rule, there never would have been a moment you questioned your sanity. Every night, when I cook dinner, it’s like I’m in a stranger’s kitchen because shit is forever rearranged and located in some asinine place that makes absolutely no sense at all. And while I scavange for my utensils and hardware and sometimes even the food, I loudly bitch under my breath and talk myself through the whole fiasco. And every time, the husband yells, “You really have lost your fucking mind – you’re a lunatic!” No asshole – YOU are the fucking lunatic – and YOU are the one accelerating my dimentia. Men.
OMFG.. You made me laugh REALLY hard reading this.. and it’s like morning and I didn’t get a lot of sleep.. and Yeah.. You ROCK CHICA!!! Thanks
Oh and BTW the ” THE CALL IS COMING FROM IN THE HOUSE” part.. My sister tortured when I was a child.. Prank calling the house late at night while my mother was at work..
Little Scared Me: “He he hello”
Crazy Cruel Mean Nasty Sister: “Have you checked the Children”
Terrified and Ruined for Life Me: “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
Now I just laugh when I think about it.. But Ya.. Total sick bitch right?
Anyway.. Thanks
Machines have feelings too. Hasn’t that asshole Victor seen Wall-E???
As far as I know, anything except regular dishwashing soap would result in you frantically tweeting a cry for help, Victor shaking his head at you, and your loyal following reading a hilarious post about it. I, too, want to know more about the comforter around the dishwasher as well. I am sitting here looking at mine and feel that it feels unloved because can’t get even a thin blanket around it. The cabinet/counter top will have to do. Your dishwasher is lucky to have you, Jenny. We all are.
You know what gets blood out of everything? Hydrogen Peroxide – unless you already tried to steam the carpets and then you should use that Nature’s Miracle shit they make to clean up animal poo on your carpet. Yeah. That stuff is pretty magical.
birdie´s last blog ..Fleeting Beauty
My Dad is my dishwasher…next time he gets cold I might wrap a comforter round him to warm him up a bit. It might get in the way of the washing up but at least he’ll be toasty.
I totally said on Twitter that you’d have the softest dishes around… unless you used cheap ass laundry detergent.
I guess Tide doesn’t qualify as cheap ass laundry detergent. Although I’m not too sure how it would do against blood stains?!? Thankfully though, you used the right soap AND got one over on Victor! Awesome.
Mesina´s last blog ..Ask Me: Birthday Giveaway!
Your Victor sounds like my DH. We kind of have an understanding, I’m always fucking something up and he’s always there to fix it. That is of course after the marathon head shaking, muttering under his breath and if its really bad a “can I talk to you in the other room”. I hate that one the most.
Holly B´s last blog ..Where I Grew Up
it’s so nice to see other people have these… moments. not only have i accidentally put dishwashing soap in the laundry and set off the smoke alarm while making *tea*, but yesterday (wednesday), i showed up for a tuesday night event… only to discover it was in fact wednesday.
i’m pretty convinced i’ve contracted omgimanidiotzheimer’s and i likely caught it from some internet virus going around.
I’m with MIss Grace. How exactly did you wrap a comforter around a dishwasher? Mine is set in the counter so there’s no wrapping it. I can’t picture any other setup. Explain yourself woman!
BTW Jenny – Its my one month blogaversary. Not that Im begging or anything, but Id love for you to come over and see me. Would begging help?
ps: do NOT bring any cameras, and dont touch the large appliances ..lol
Holly B´s last blog ..Where I Grew Up
I think it’s so sweet you tucked in the dishwasher. Now when it’s done working, it can just take a nap. You’re so kind and thoughtful. Victor could learn a thing or two from you. I mean seriously, when’s the last time he wrapped you up in a blanket after work?
We knew someone who, when told that her car needed “detergent” to help the engine run better, poured laundry soap in the oil pan.
Bubbles actually came from the engine….
I bet her husband was unsupportive too.
It’s really quite easy. You wedge the edges of the comforter into the crack under the counter and tuck the bottom under the dishwasher and wrap the rest around the side. I took a picture for you. You’re welcome: http://www.flickr.com/photos/thebloggess/4644578507/
I laughed so loud my cat is staring at me all disturbed. I would have done the same thing.
Jenni Williams´s last blog ..Things I Am Thankful For
Awww.. now that’s showing some lovin’ to that dishwasher.. maybe the next time the dishes need to be done, it’ll load ‘em up, wash them and put them away from you… all because you showed you cared… Yeah.. right..
Monica´s last blog ..Review & Giveaway: Lovin’ Scoopful Ice Cream
To me, what’s most striking about that photo is how damn spotless your kitchen is. Holy cow, that’s a pretty high standard right there.
Marian´s last blog ..love & pizza
you totally cleaned off your counter before taking that pic. I just know there’s a big pile of loose papers and banana peels just out of sight!
Wow. Best. Picture. Ever.
Ahahahaha omg. I was trying to visualize what you meant by the comforter being put around the dishwasher and omg, this picture = so funny. Thank you for that laugh.
That kitchen is so photoshopped!
Make sure and leave a night on for the dishwasher. She probably is scared of the dark. The one over the stove/under the microwave will probably work best. That’s the one I leave on for my dishwasher. Even though the oven complains about he only can sleep in the dark.
Becky Mochaface´s last blog ..Stay Tuned
If you CAN use laundry detergent to wash your dishes can you use your washing machine to wash your dishes too? I hate trying to fit the dishes in between all of those spiky things – it would be much easier just to throw everything in the washing machine.
Also, can I wash CLOTHING in the DISHWASHER? I have some GENTLE wash items. Is that the same as TOP RACK ONLY?
Think of the space saving possibilities!
Kit´s last blog ..A Writing Assignment
Are those both electrical outlets? I mean, I know newer homes come with outlets like cars come with cupholders, but I cannot imagine needing to plug in FOUR things in about 30 inches of counter, especially that close to water. Danger, Will Robinson.
Sam Bradley´s last blog ..Day 125: Apparently I’m in a Cloud Phase
IDK if that counts as swaddling, more like draping.
Miss Grace´s last blog ..Owchiwawa
My hubs is currently annoyed with me because I bought yummy raw frozen Italian chicken fingers from Sam’s. He usually buys pre-cooked ones and this was an issue because…apparently he eats them frozen-like a chicken tender popsicle. So I probably gave him salmonella or killed him or something.
Amy Mayfield´s last blog ..Bratchild may be smarter than I am. Me talk real good though.
I’m thinking you could parlay this into blaming Victor for that time you brushed your teeth with eyelash glue.
Steam me up, kid´s last blog ..The savvy ladies’ guide to making your car go vroom
So basically, Victor is setting you up for disaster because he knows that the universe likes to fuck with you.
Not cool Victor, not fucking cool.
Can we do laundry in the dishwasher?!?!
singlemama_cc´s last blog ..#TMI Tuesday gets blingafied
This post just made my day. Thank you.
I personally think your house is to clean.
Now I know why my dishwasher has been such a bitch lately and giving me the cold shoulder. Get it?
*crickets*
Sorry, I’ll leave now.
Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy´s last blog ..Tony Hawk at A Sporting Life: Wordless Wednesday
i have never seen such a comforted dishwasher.
brava!
This is more than Victor’s fault. This is the fault of all men, everywhere, of every generation since dishwashers and washing machines were invented. I’ve seen enough sitcoms to know when a man and woman switch jobs, the woman does great in some corporate office while the man ALWAYS puts too much or the wrong detergent in the washing appliance. It happened on the Flintstones for sure. If Victor watched more TV, he never would have put laundry detergent by the dishwasher.
I have to agree…definitely your house is too clean. I’m not sure I can believe that is your real house if it weren’t for the blanket tucked around the dishwasher..which may or may not be photoshopped. You stole this pictue out of Better Homes and Gardens, didn’t you?
melistress´s last blog ..Success and Failure
I am impressed by the way you have conveniently tried to talk yourself into thinking that you were trying to “help” the dishwasher because it was cold when really, I think it is apparent to all, that you meant to suffocate it. Rationalization is a powerful weapon.
I must give up the internet today and go clean my kitchen. Mine is a condemned area compared to yours.
So this week you’ve made me cry (travelling red dress) and now have made me feel inferior. Yet I still count you as my favorite blogger.
Damn.
Susie Kline´s last blog ..I’m Scared & Need Some Help
Clearly you have too much time on your hands because that house is crazzee clean. I on the other hand spend the time I should be cleaning watching drunk squirrel videos on Youtube which is probably just as useful as cleaning
habanerogal´s last blog ..A Quickie Quitting Update
Hey! That is SOOO not your kitchen.
I’ve been in your kitchen, Jenny.
In fact, I’m in it right now…. And it doesn’t look like that at all.
Also: no, I don’t need to wear pants. It’s *freeing*
Crap! I didn’t know you had a dog! No! No! Get away from there! AAArrrrrggggghhhhh OWeeeeee!
I always accidentally do things and then solve them with genius like this. Why doesn’t my fiance see how great I am?
anne´s last blog ..I will shame your mother.
You should sell that shit on Etsy! Call it a dishwasher cozy. The fake Chinese characters make it extra classy.
beta dad´s last blog ..RTT: Enjoy Babies in Sunglasses and Help Me Go on Vacation
See now I was thinking that Victor should have praised you for being so energy efficent and left it at that.
Robbie´s last blog ..Just Chillin
Laughing out loud. Thank you for that.
And my husband has accused me of writing too much about my kitchen appliances….I shall pass this link on to him so that he understands better if/when I begin to dress them up in blankets, or evening wear.
Alyson
http://www.commonsense-dancing.com
alyson´s last blog ..Stop by later for coffee. (Wordless Wednesday)
Having seen the visual, it really just looks more like an apron than that the washer has been swaddled like the Christ Child or something. It’s AN APRON while it washes dishes, VICTOR, chill out, and let the washer do the damn dishes. It works so hard to serve ya’ll and it just wants a little apron to feel cute. Chill.
Wow! That kitchen/breakfast room/whatever looks really neat and clean. I’m looking for a new cleaning person. Interested in the job? It doesn’t pay much but the benefits are even worse.
You should totally patent that idea and pitch it to the Shamwow guy. I see big money in your future.
Barbara´s last blog ..For George
shamwow vince seriously creeps me out.
pattypunker´s last blog ..10 important factoids about me
My mom and I always say “thank you” to our oven when it beeps to let us know it has reach the correct temperature because we think it’s polite to show the oven we appreciate it’s ability to heat up correctly as well as letting us know we can bake the cookies.
My dad thinks we’re nuts and that’s why he doesn’t get any of the cookies.
You should punish Victor by making him eat off dirty plates. If he doesn’t appreciate the dishwasher, he shouldn’t benefit from the dishwasher’s hard work. ;p
The ONLY reason my house is that clean is because we’re selling it and so we have to keep it spotless since someone could come look at it on a moments notice. Normally it’s a horrific mess. Victor can attest to this.
I put laundry detergent in a dishwasher once.
He almost died.
Restaurant manager was NOT amused.
The more you know.
moooooog35´s last blog ..How to Get Social Services to Take your Children Away
I secretly hoped this story would end with both you and Victor cradling the machine and singing something like ‘Can you feel the love tonight.’ But this is good too!
What VICTOR needs to explain is WTF the detergent was doing in the kitchen? He needs to stop screwing with you, because this is obviously part of some evil plan. Good going circumventing the rest of the plan (note to self: don’t underestimate bloggess).
Dishwasher looks cute with it’s blankie.
You can afford TIDE?
Alyxherself´s last blog ..Treat yourself to the funny.
Aren’t you trying to sell your house? Cause then I can totally see it being your kitchen. Real estate agents are like nazi drill sergeants that way. There is nothing like being yelled at, threatened, and humiliated into doing the dishes everyday.
My husband does the dishes. Problem solved.
sexscenesatstarbucks´s last blog ..
Jenny, your title is wrong. It’s supposed to be why VICTOR shouldn’t be allowed to use large appliances. You’re welcome!
I would think if you wanted to warm up the dishwasher you could have let it wear the Red Dress.
Yeah, well, you know how you can try and be all eco-minded and use one detergent for everything? Like something olive-oil based? In fact like the soap from your bathroom, just like people used to do in the good old days? Well no way that works. It sticks everywhere, so the dishes and the clothes are actually dirty with soap stains. And if you put it in your hair, your hair just dies. Then you probably need the comforter for yourself because you’ve ruined everything.
Sandrine´s last blog ..Spring cleaning – of a sort.
So, despite the fact that the laundry detergent was sitting out on the counter, you DIDN’T use it in the dishwasher, right? Surely Victor should see that as progress. Do you think that a “Snuggly” would have the same warming/absorbing effects for a dishwasher as a comforter?
Abigail Carter´s last blog ..An Enneagram Soul Child
The funny thing is, YOU actually DIDN’T REMEMBER whether or not you picked up that BIG bottle of laundry soap compared to a SMALL bottle of dishwasher detergent. Something that happened this very day, and you were unsure. It’s also funny that you would pull out a comforter to absorb the foaminess or lessen the explosion from using the wrong kind of soap. It has GOT TO BE very interesting living with you! Kudos to Victor!
Peggy Brister´s last blog ..Look Ma, No Hands!
I think you should have your own TV show because I would totally watch and then tell my husband, “See! I’m not the only one…”
Marisa @ Where’s The Party?´s last blog ..I LOVE the Bloggess and this is why…
If you keep screwing up the dish washing and laundry maybe Victor won’t let you do it any more. That would be awful for you if he did all those chores.
The call is coming from inside the house. Brilliant.
Mr. Paul Maul´s last blog ..ONE-LINE RAVE REVIEW OF A MOVIE I HAVEN’T SEEN #8 – SEX AND THE CITY 2
Jenny, if you ever decide to back a batch of brownies, be sure and put the Ex-Lax in another room. Or another house.
Same with the weed.
~EdT.
EdT.´s last blog ..TOP STORY: NEW AMERICAN IDOL CROWNED!!!!!
You tell him! Your writing style is so randomly clever.
Me encanta!
Annah´s last blog ..How To Effectively Potty Train Your Pet (It’s Not How You Think)
very multipurpose: baking soda, actually does very well in dishwashers, as well as refrigerators and…toothpaste what I’m trying to say: Let Victor put away Baking Soda next time and keep him away from the bubbly stuff, you don’t want to brush your teeth with Sun All In One …..
That picture makes it look like your counter vomited a kimono.
very multipurpose: baking soda, actually does very well in dishwashers, as well as refrigerators and…toothpaste what I’m trying to say: Let Victor put away Baking Soda next time and keep him away from the bubbly stuff, you don’t want to brush your teeth with Sun All In One …..
Wupppy´s last blog ..Introducing: Sperm Wars
That looks like a really nice comforter. I bet the washer really appreciated it.
Busted Kate´s last blog ..COUNTDOWN: One Week Till DUCKFEST!!!
Normally, my husband is Victor-esque in his ability to not fuck up. But one evening Husband did the dishes and managed to be a Typical Man, instead of leaving the manlike fuckuppery to me like he usually does.
We always microwave the sponge for about 30 seconds after we do the dishes, so we can KILL SOME GERMS! So Husband does the dishes that night, pops the sponge in the microwave and we leave the kitchen. A few minutes later, we smell burning. I was baking a cake at the time, so I assumed the burning smell must have been somehow connected to me. I inspected the entire oven/stove and couldn’t figure out where I’d stuck the plastic I was surely somehow burning.
Then I realized that the microwave was whirring away. I opened the microwave door and got hit with a huge puff of smoke. The sponge was ON FIRE. Well, what was left of it. Husband had programmed the sponge to de-germ for 30 minutes instead of 30 seconds. The little charcoal briquette/former sponge sat there flaming for a moment before I threw a cupful of water into the microwave as I screeched with glee,
“HONEY! YOU WERE A MAN! COME LOOK WHAT YOU FUCKED UP!!!!”
Margaret´s last blog ..In Which I Take a Revenge Piss
This could have totally been like that Brady Bunch episode when Bobby put too much laundry detergent in the washing machine and suds exploded everywhere and started taking over the house like a giant blob. I’ll bet Bobby wishes Alice had done something helpful like wrap the washer in a comforter. Then he wouldn’t have gotten in so much trouble.
Well, almost like that episode except this instance involved a dishwasher and the wrong detergent. Okay, so it’s not like the Brady Bunch at all. Fine. Just remember, mom says don’t play ball in the house.
Lil´s last blog ..Little Earthquakes – Tori Amos
Whenever I read your blog I feel completely validated. I am not the only one who goes through life trying to clean up the chaos that results from my inattention.
Non-Believer´s last blog ..Secret Life of a Closet Folder
There’s an easy solution to all this…just never try to clean shit. I leave that to my he-bitch and I never have mental anguish like you’ve just experienced. Ever.
My roommate and I manage to do something that bad everyday, so don’t feel the need to justify it. Because you don’t. Our washing machine started smoking one time, and I once came home to find my roommate writing in blood in the shower to freak me out. Is it bad if I’m used to that crap from her and just went about my day?
Megan´s last blog ..This is very important.
1. How are you such a GENIUS?
2. Do you offer classes so I can learn to be as GENIUS as you are?
3. Would a snuggie work just as well as the comforter?
4. I dunno, I just felt like a list of 3 items wasn’t enough and 5 was too many.
Amanda´s last blog ..When You Look Me In The Eyes
I think this incident might be “tide” with the time you set the oven of fire.
that reminds me of the time that camp counselor caught me masturbating behind the cabin in front of an audience of squirrels and then the girl’s camp was let out of the cafeteria to take all of this in and then …. wait, you didn’t say anything about jerking off on squirrels. well, that was the nutshell version of how i got that merit badge for squirrel bukkakke.
furiousball´s last blog ..love and sunshine
First of all, unless your dishes are made of linen or silk, they won’t get blood stains because hello? blood just rinses off of ceramic and porcelain and even crappy Ikea plastic. (Not that I’m accusing you of owning crappy Ikea anything. I’m just talking about my own experience based on my own dishes.) Second of all, you live in Texas. Where people are known to eat steak. Which is only good medium-rare. Hence, the helpful directions about bloodstained dishes. Third of all, do NOT buy dishes made of linen or silk. Unless you want every sauce you ever eat from now on to run away from your food and puddle on the table instead.
Yes, I realize I am both a dishes and a fabrics genius. You’re welcome.
MommyTime´s last blog ..Summertime…and the Nostalgia is Easy
So After reading this I’m thinking that, though your husband loves you dearly and all, he’s really out to get you!
Like…he knew you almost set the oven on fire long ago, and he knows you once mistook nail glue(was it glue?) for Japanese toothpaste. And then he goes and leaves the TIDE clothes soap on the kitchen counter?!
HELLO! He totally put that there to make you think you put TIDE in the dishwasher. So that he could not only blame you for trying to kill your oven, but also for trying to kill your dishwasher.
And after this long explanation that you’ll probably never read, I’ve come to the conclusion that he wants you to destroy all of your kitchen appliances.
Rebekah Mae´s last blog ..Kung Fu Bear- Unedited Footage(NOT FAKE!)
Yeah see.. I do shit like that ALL THE TIME. Fact. Just today I started to load the dryer and halfway through it hit me that the clothes I just took out of the washer WEREN’T EVEN WET. o_O
I did a cursory check and sure enough, I had loaded the washer, put in detergent (the right one HA!) and fabric softener… and turned the damn thing OFF instead of on. Doh.
SparkGirl´s last blog ..The dress
Victor needs to keep the soap put up. He could have changed the course of history, butterfly effect-style.
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This is why we can’t have nice things.
What you did is just God’s way of proving you shouldn’t be doing such menial tasks.
Bodaciousboomer´s last blog ..Eureka! They are gone!
I have not put laundry soap in the dishwasher. I have however, accidentally kicked in the shower wall, if we’re talking household accidents. I was sticking my leg up on the shower wall to shave it, when the whole thing just caved in. The tiles fell like a stack of cascading dominoes. I have no idea how it happened. I am not obese. In fact, I am on the wimpy side of things. I didn’t karate kick it or anything. I have absolutely no power in my wimpy body. I cannot even open a pickle jar. But, according to my husband, I must have Jackie Channed it. The shower pan?, (I think that’s what it’s called), had to be replaced which entailed a lot of cussing and shit being said about my masterful kicks. I told my husband if he didn’t shut his hole, he’d be kung-fued right in the boys.
“I eat karate, mother fucker, so fuck off.” -Karate Kid
joann mannix´s last blog ..If I End Up In The Same Titanic Lifeboat As William Shatner, Leonardo DiCaprio Is Gonna Pay The Price
I agree with the other commenters that said that you trying to convince him that the dishwasher was cold was the best part. He should have given you a pass for your quick thinking!
It was nobody’s fault! It was just one of those funny things that happens when your brain goes on autopilot. I once came out of a store and climbed in the backseat of my car, trying to drive away. Luckily I covered quickly by pretending to look for something on the floor of the backseat. It wasn’t a comforter but it got me through.
P.S. Jones´s last blog ..What Sex and the City Gets Wrong About Being a Writer
Please, just don’t do the dishes while wearing the red dress. The internet would explode.
Fuck Yeah, Motherhood!´s last blog ..Sex And The Single Mom
You = Lucille Ball. Victor = Desi Arnaz.
I don’t recommend working in a chocolate factory.
I have hit a point in my renters life where every time someone says “dishwasher” my eyes gloss over and I get sort of misty and I stop paying attention to anything else. I have no idea what you wrote here. Dishwasher.
Bridget Callahan´s last blog ..I’m fairly sure if there is a God, he and I are in total agreement about you
Your dishwasher called me. It said that while it appreciated the comforter, what would *really* warm it up would be a picture of a sexy LG dishwasher. Like this one:
http://www.lg.com/us/appliances/dishwashers/LG-LDF9932ST.jsp
Thank you, on behalf of your dishwasher. Now please ask it to never call me again, because it kinda creeped me out, talking to an appliance.
This is NOT best left unpublished. It made me WEEP with laughter. This is exactly what happens between my wife (She Who Must Be Obeyed) and me. You continue to rock.
The moral of this story is that no one can tell the difference between a shamwow and Vince unless they are each properly labeled.
Miss Britt´s last blog ..On losing control
OH
MY
GAWD
Thank you soooooooooooooo much for the good laugh.
Seriously, thanks.
Mishelle
scrolled forever to get to the bottom of the comments but you can so stop the dishwasher as its going because i’ve had to do that (don’t ask)
You know, just when I’m feeling really crappy about how far my domesticity star has fallen, you help me right back up.
Petit Elefant´s last blog ..Aaaaaaand……we’re back!
It is ALWAYS the man’s fault. Always.
Mary @ Holy Mackerel´s last blog ..My Imagination Runneth Overtime
Wait didn’t I see this all on a Brady Bunch episode once?
Lori´s last blog ..Living in a Ski Resort has led me to a Life of Crime.
Good thing he didn’t leave gasoline on the counter.
britt´s last blog ..Irrational Fears
There is an alternate universe in which Victor has a blog, right? Because I’d like a one way ticket there, please.
Marinka´s last blog ..Friendship Probation
I want to ask more about setting the oven on fire, but first, let me ask: did it end up being Tide that you put iun the dishwasher? Was everything fine anyway? Or was it actually dishwashing liquid, in which case you really were warming the dishwasher?
kathcom´s last blog ..Sandwich Fixins #8
Yikes i hope that creepy creepy Shamwow guy is not lurking just off camera in your spotless kitchen waiting to instantly mop up every drip n dribble (or gush as the case may be)….. seriously ….look behind you Jenny!
You need to lay off the ganja….seriously, for such a short post, that was hilarious. Awesome sauce.
mepsipax´s last blog ..Stupid ass fuckers
OMG You are so funny! How do you come up with these um explanations on the spot like that?! ‘The dishwasher was cold.’ is fantastic.
Victor doesn’t read your blog, does he?
Kernut´s last blog ..Panic Much? FEAR = F*ck Everything And Run
I used laundry detergent once because we were in a new apartment and stuff wasn’t put away yet and that’s what I grabbed. It wasn’t one of those big dramatic messes that it would make on TV. It was more like a puddle of water on the floor in front of the dishwasher. Like the dishwasher had an embarrassing potty training accident, really.
Deana Birks´s last blog ..On hiatus until June 1
OMG…I TOTALLY started a fire in my oven too. Except not MANY years ago…more like 1-1/2. But still…I sympathize
Jenny – you are the awesome. First off – I was going to ask for a picture, because it’s just not true unless there is a picture. Secondly, your theory totally makes sense. The dishwasher does have to heat up to wash the dishes (well the water heater heats the water but who’s really paying attention to THAT??!). But think of the drying session. If you wrap the comforter around the dishwasher less heat will escape thus giving your dishes a higher temperature of washer to dry in. A higher temperature means more water will evaporate from the dishes faster so it should take less time and I am thinknig that you would also have fewer drying spots on your glasses. So really, it was all about drying your dishes without leaving spots. Victor should realize just how lucky he is to have you around to make sure his dishes are spotless. Who needs JetDry when you have a comforter lying around?!
Obviously, you’re a giver.
Paula´s last blog ..For Ketchup Connoisseurs?
Clearly, the fact that Victor was able to leave laundry detergent in the kitchen is completely your fault!
The only reason Victor should be in the kitchen is for two things:
1. To pick up a sammich you just made him.
2. To give you some extra-special lovin’ while your standing at the sink.
Neither of these involves laundry detergent!
Damn!
I meant, “while you’re standing at the sink.”
hmmmm…there’s just somethin’ about a grammatically correct Stalking Guy
Paula´s last blog ..For Ketchup Connoisseurs?
Yeah, no. Laundry detergent in the dishwasher does nothing for bloodstains. *sigh*
Jen´s last blog ..The Angry Vegetables
After seeing that picture…..I would have just shaken my head, grabbed a beer, and put the game on. Why….because no good can come from that conversation.
Therapeutic Ramblings´s last blog ..Why Poor People Spend More On Lottery Tickets (Research Article Discussion)
I’m drunk
britt´s last blog ..Irrational Fears
I’m reading between the lines here — but I’m always right — and I’m pretty sure Victor is secretly sabotaging you. I’m pretty positive he left out that eyelash glue while back. He’s quite crafty…very subtle and well spaced.
Well done, Victor, well done. You are a worthy opponent.
Tonya´s last blog ..Confucius Say…
I’d laugh more but I’ve done this…twice
wow. i just got through covering all my appliances with comforters. *just in case* ya know.
i can hear my microwave. it is very pissed off. i blocked its view of my new sexy stove. and apparently it is not too happy with me.
damned appliances.
LocoYaya´s last blog ..The Blah’s
My dishwasher has guns in it. I’m not joking. It’s an anti-theft mechanism. What thief is going to break in and do my dishes? And they stack neatly in the plate racks. No, I don’t live in Texas. But Oregon is pretty close (not geographically, of course).
Blame the ghost that broke your camera, Ebay, flying night squirrels, zombies, holocaust comic books or even the really creepy taxidermy thing (with the tongue still in it!) you got to hang on your door one year… It should never be your fault.
Ktjo´s last blog ..Desperately Seeking Red Dress
I. Love. You.
And your blog, I guess.
For some reason I pretty much think that you need to know that you’re my favorite-person-that-I’ve-never-actually-met EVER. Also, I think my boyfriend is getting tired of me reading your blog. Every day. Fuck.
wow. i thought my husband was the only one. you could be soulmates you know, you and my husband that is. he is not allowed to operate power tools though, due to the fact that he unscrewed all the screws in our house with the drill that he put in reverse and which no one has ever been able to put in reverse, or the time he made holes the size of his upper thigh in the drywall at work for a wire as thick as his pinky, or the time he nailed the new office plan to a dry wall with an industrial nailgun… his boss on the other side of the drywall was kind enough to see the lighter side of almost being nailed by the nails that shattered his figurines… needles to say, we have no powertools in our house and i need to arrange a handyman for all things DIY.
it’s nice to know that someone else shares some of my experiences….
So, if I wrap myself in a comforter, does that mean I have to wash the dishes?
Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..Bruno is a girl’s name
I like how you make Laundry fun and interesting. I’m going to go hug my dryer with a puffy blanket:)
Jenn´s last blog ..Going To The Chapel – The Wedding Part Three
Hey, Rook (comment #13): Swear to Christ, that sounds just like an episode of “The Brady Bunch.” !!! Was Alice fed up with you, or did she give you cookies while you & your mom & dad talked it out?? I swear, the comments on this blog are as funny as the blog a lot of the time! Thanks, everyone!!
If laundry detergent is good enough for our sexy panties it should be good for our dishes. Those dishes need to get over themselves!
SumSum´s last blog ..Tuesday can suck a big fat…
I wonder what it means that part if the impetus behind the incident is that you immediately concluded that you likely fucked something up. It’s not fair that we women are always second guessing ourselves and men never do. Or maybe this whole theory is bull. Never mind.
made me think of you: http://whydoilivehere.cheezburger.com/2010/04/26/crazy-neighbor-photos-half-off-sale-doing-it-wrong/
I’ve totally done the dish-soap-in-the0dish-washer thing before. It was BRAND NEW too. My family still won’t let it go.
Guh.
Jam´s last blog ..Finding my red dress
I fail to see why you wouldn’t want your house full of bubbles! You could have put on your new red evening dress and waltzed around the kitchen pretending you’re on the Lawrence Welk Show! Victor wouldn’t have had a problem with that, would he? Not if you let him pretend with you!
This is exactly why I throw away dishes right after we use them. Expensive.. YES! But, there’s never a need to worry about mis-use of soapy substances in electric appliances.
The Hubby Diaries´s last blog ..Life in Extremes…
Reason 158-b why Twitter is not a reliable source for information. Just teh lolz.
Tee.´s last blog ..I’m writing this at work and feeling slightly paranoid. Also, maybe a little edgy.
It’s too bad that it didn’t bubble all over the place…..you could have hosted your very own “Foam Party” right there in your kitchen!
http://www.foamparty.org/pictures.htm
Just sayin’……………..
Simply Mags´s last blog ..Caught In The Act……………
My dishwasher started making all kinds of weird noises last night – I blame your bad dishwasher karma … lol.
Holly B´s last blog ..Nuns Driving Volkswagons And Other Things That Freak Me Out
This weblog is being featured on Five Star Friday!
http://www.schmutzie.com/fivestarfriday/2010/5/28/five-star-fridays-edition-105-is-brought-to-you-by-edith-wha.html
“If you have blood on your clothes your biggest problem might not be laundry.” ~ Jerry Seinfeld
Somehow I think I fucked up that punchline. Attaching the actual joke would probably make more sense but really? Am I known for making sense?
Suzy´s last blog ..Inspi(red) By The Bloggess And Her Red Dress
It seems to me that you were just laundering the comforter at the same time as doing the dishes. Hello! We call that multitasking. And multitaskers are winners. Did Victor thank you for being a winner?
This would never happen in our household. I’m such a macho jerk that I wouldn’t touch detergent of any kind. Unless it’s to clean my lawnmower or chainsaw, of course.
I can now clearly see that my dishwasher needs a dust ruffle. Does anyone make a dust ruffle in stainless steel color?
You probably won’t read this ’cause there’s 159 comments ahead of me but my nephew once put dishwashing soap in the dishwasher and it made a ton of suds and my sister was in a panic.
Then we looked at the manual that came with the dishwasher and they had a whole section about what to do if you put dishwashing (not dishwasher) soap in the dishwasher and filled your kitchen with suds.
It worked.
Apparently my nephew was not the first person ever to do this.
I did this once- the laundry detergent in the dishwasher thing, not the wrapping it in a comforter thing- and that is why I am not allowed to start the dishwasher anymore- which worked out well for me.
mountainmomma18´s last blog ..The Frogs are Dead
You know what I learned today? That Jerry Seinfeld doesn’t menstruate. Thank you, #157.
Victoria Mixon´s last blog ..4 Do’s & 4 Don’t’s for Writing Series Fiction
Hi.
This is at the end of 163 Comments so you may never see it but…
Can you tell us a story about how you and Victor had a moment of pure sincronisity? (yes, I can’t spell).
I am moving in with my boyfriend and have faith and hope that we will have a kickass time! I know that it is probably the same for you and Victor, but I don’t get to read about it so much. How about a story where it was you and him against the world – because you two have had those moments, I just know it.
Thanks.
-gCherry
If the dishwasher had broken down you could have pretended to be from pioneer times and washed your dishes outside in a metal tub
Stephanie´s last blog ..Summer Dress Sugar Cookies
I soooooooooo love it when Bryan fucks up cause he never does.
I think the kitchen is just perfect. Especially how the dishwasher comforter matches the counter top. Did you do that on purpose? I’m sure it will sell the house instantly. Victor should be so grateful for your stylish ways.
Guttercherry – Victor and I are always against the world. The world is kind of an asshole. I guess the best example of this would be with Bubba the half-paralyzed tub cat:
http://thebloggess.com/?p=332
http://thebloggess.com/?p=375
Jenny, I totally feel your pain. First, if you are going to set the oven on fire, do it the right way. My father literally blew the door off the oven when I was a kid baking the traditional Guyanese Black Cake for Christmas. Just think lots of rum, fumes, and an oven NOT left cracked open so the fumes could escape. My mom didn’t mind. She got a new kitchen for Christmas. And we got a family story that makes all my mishaps seem small. Mostly.
Next, about the dishwasher. Our dishwasher died in a horrible yet spectacular fashion. Which is why I know how to get blood off dishes. The key is to spray them with that non-stick cooking spray like you do if you’re putting tomato based products in plastic containers. After whatever causes the blood spray is done, you can just rinse them off. Just be careful carrying the dishes because they’ll be a little slippery like when you clean your wood floors with Pledge late at night. It sounded like a good idea until the next morning when your young son got out of bed in his socks and steps into the room and goes flying across the floor into the opposite wall and looks at you with his adorable faces and screams “what did you do this time!” If you do use the cooking spray on the dishes, you’ll also have to come up with a good excuse for WHY you used it. I think planning ahead like that is called pre-meditation.
Chele
Although you probably answered this one above, I’m trying to figure out how exactly you wrapped a comforter around the dish washer. Isn’t it set into (under) the counter?
Shinji´s last blog ..
http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l2f3mdrzcA1qatxb6o1_500.jpg
unicorn corn holders. made me think of you.
Oh gaud I love this. I don’t feel so bad about setting my toilet on fire years ago. Evidently I have problems with fire… Three vaccume cleaners, a few toasters, an electric oil heater oh the list goes on. But seems all electrical to me…….
Joni´s last blog ..Memorial Day
Our dishwasher is so damn small, i could probably wrap it in a scarf. Well, an extra long, extra wide scarf, but you catch my drift. It should be illegal to make dishwashers that only hold enough dishes for two people to have ONE meal. Unless, if by making it illegal, I have to do dishes by hand, because that ain’t happening.
Dani´s last blog ..I Have Started a New and Desperately Needed Charity: Clothes for Cats
@Joni – how DOES one go about setting a toilet on fire? Inquiring minds need to know. You would think since it is a giant bowl of water it would have a ready made extinguisher built right in.
Dani´s last blog ..I Have Started a New and Desperately Needed Charity: Clothes for Cats
I break major appliances ALL the time. Your dishwasher will be fine. laundry detergent doesn’t suds up the same way dish liquid does. I could be wrong though, I haven’t broken a dishwasher.yet.
sarah´s last blog ..My 1st Time
Too lazy to search your site for the LAWN BOOBIES you posted –
I think you are lucky you didn’t get any LAWN PENISes! Check these out (and yes they are REAL!)
http://www.mushroomexpert.com/stinkhorn_fame.html
Oh wow.. and here I thought I was the only one who would do something like that!! This is why, when I traded in my husband I insisted that the new model come with cooking capabilities with the option of housework..
I love SHAMWOW’s! They soak up EVERYTHING. Of course we didn’t buy them until I found out the commercial guy was into prostitutes or girls who should be prostitutes, I didn’t pay attention to the details because I was focused on the big picture – which is if a man is going out with former/future prostitutes then he’s probably got a LOT of “stuff” to mop up. So if he says the Shamwow will pick up everything? I assume he’s talking from experience.
Domesticated Gal´s last blog ..My Kingdom for a Gas Mask
haha husb is always right syndrome does make us do crazy thingssss
Mamma M´s last blog ..Has Technology Revolutionized Writing Thank You Cards? I kinda hope so…
I love your stream of consciousness writing. It conveys great panic and frustration! It sounds like quite the ordeal… Just another reason to hate doing the dishes (even if that just involves putting them in and taking them out of the dishwasher).
I love the way you think. Thanks for the laugh – I still have a mental image of a dishwasher wrapped in a comforter. Hilarious!
I used to work in a law firm in a very posh office. This is when microwave ovens first became popular. I went to pop my lunch in to re-heat it. Moments later one of the partners came to tell me that snow was blowing out of the top of the TOASTER OVEN. NEVER put Styrofoam in a toaster oven, unless you plan on skiing at work.
There was also the time when I was washing the coffee mugs in the kitchen. I poured in the dish detergent, turned on the hot water then had to run to the phone. That very same partner entered my office saying, “Luuuucyyyy, you got some splainin’ to do.” Bubbly dishsoap and water were everywhere. OY. I tell you these stories so that you won’t feel alone. There are quite a few of us out here that are TOTALLY appliance challenged. ; )
Great Big Momma Hugs!
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my crazy family, it’s “check the dishwasher for ferrets before turning it on”, because if you don’t… you’re definitely going to have to wash the dishes again.
You house is so much tidier than I imagined
You know it took me two days to work my way thru all the comments this time, I was laughing so hard. And by then I’d forgotten what I wanted to say…
Except, seriously? This is *totally* Victor’s fault, from the get-go. Guys who can’t put stuff back where it belongs deserve what happens next!
gurukarm (@karma_musings)´s last blog ..Getcher Drop Caps Here – Fresh Daily!
So, this one time, I was trying to make the garlic parmesan fries from Red Robin and my oven lit on fire and my daughter was in the other room and all of the smoke alarms started going off, and she just kept on with her day. It didn’t even seem to affect her that all of the smoke alarms were going off and there was smoke everywhere, she just kept playing Sponge Bob Operation. What does that say about our household?
Kendahl´s last blog ..CSN.com + Cookware.com Review
You’ve been quoted
http://qoddessquotesblogs.blogspot.com/2010/06/quotes-june-5-2010.html
Qoddess´s last blog ..Quotes – June 5, 2010
I just laughed so hard I had an asthma attack.
Thanks a lot!
erin´s last blog ..Witness