Facebook just told me that I needed to “reconnect” with my husband. And then they showed me a picture of him just in case I wasn’t sure who he was. Way to make me question my marriage, Facebook.
It’s Sunday so that means it’s time for the weekly wrap-up of shit-I-was-doing-when-I-wasn’t-here comforting my dishwasher and changing out of my pajamas in graveyards.
This week on my sex column (which is satirical and vaguely safe for work if your boss isn’t a douche-canoe):
- Sex and the City 2. It gave me a headache before I even saw it.
This week on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle:
This week on the internets:
- I’m flattered. And a little bit terrified.
- Someone submitted my picture on hawtness.com. The good news is that I’m fully-clothed. The bad news is that I’m voted “unhawt” by about 10 to 1. Like, Betty White eating a hot dog is ranked 8 times hotter than me. For real, y’all. The good news is that I’m pretty unidentifiable since I’m in full make-up because it’s a picture from when I did that clown p0rn thing. Or maybe that’s bad news too. Honestly, I can’t even judge this stuff anymore.
This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:
50 thoughts on “I don’t have a good title for this.”
Read comments below or add one.
Facebook obviously doesn’t read your blog. Or maybe Victor put a weekend of hot sex on his wish list.
(BTW, am I the first commenter?)
.-= EdT.´s last blog ..Your Daily #FAIL: Auto Response-Bot =-.
I felt compelled to vote a thumbs up on Hawtness. You’re welcome.
.-= Susie Kline´s last blog ..Ahhhh…Summer =-.
Facebook asked me if I wanted to reconnect with a friend of mine who had died a year ago. It said “it’s been a while since you connected”. I thought maybe FB knew something I didn’t…
So, I was am at panera using their wi-fi and I tried to readyour sex column and panera web nanny blocked it. Category? Pornography. Talk about douche-canoes.
Facebook keeps telling me to find friends for my husband. And, of course, I tell my husband this, which makes him feel even less worthy. Sometimes, you’ve just gotta do what you’ve gotta do.
.-= Mary @ Holy Mackerel´s last blog ..Fiskars Sucks =-.
Hawtness has the wrong picture – should be the sorta gothy Raggedy Ann. Oh, baby.
and this is what I get from Facebook “Which of the following attributes do you associate most with the Mazda6?”
A) None of the above
D Fun to drive
E) I don’t know
I selected “None of the above” because I thought it would give me the opportunity to write-in “Death Trap”
But no … I only got:
“Are you interested in learning more about the Mazda6?”
C) Not Sure
I selected “Not Sure” because I thought it had the most possibility of leading someplace else.
And I got “Thank you for participating in this research poll.”
Gosh, Facebook … sometimes you are so gay.
.-= The Queer Next Door´s last blog ..Ramblings =-.
The red dress…..was good,i t would have only been made better if a hot zombie or two was in one of the shots with you.
But the best week was your stopping by my little blog to wish me happy blogaversary. I printed it out,framed it and hung it in my bathroom. That’s not stalkerish or anything is it?
.-= Holly B´s last blog ..Nuns , Little People And Other Things That Freak Me Out =-.
More like 9 to 1. I’m a trained mathologist.
.-= mr farty´s last blog ..My Red Dress =-.
I’m confused why someone asked about cannibalism and blowjobs.
I mean, it’s all head, right?
.-= moooooog35´s last blog ..The Autistic Bucket List – A Charity Event Recap =-.
My husband has changed his privacy options on FB to “hermit” and doesn’t even show up on my feed anymore so I have to ask him his status the old fashioned way – by mouth.
.-= annie´s last blog ..The Pain that is to Come is Avoidable =-.
Wow, Facebook is getting really pushy. Questioning your marriage…telling me to reconnect with an ex, like an ex I am embarrassed to admit is my ex. Fucking Facebook It’s probably run by zombies.
.-= Laura´s last blog ..Full Disclosure? =-.
I really need to remember to not read your blog while drinking. Beer out the nose is so not good for laptop computers. But thanks for clarifying the “not related” stories for us.
Facebook suggested I reconnect with Charles Manson. I’m not sure how they knew we hung out but then I remembered it was Charlie’s birthday. FB is thoughtful like that.
.-= Tonya´s last blog ..Confucius Say… =-.
You should know by now that Facebook knows everything. It understands you better than you do.
Listen to Facebook, Jenny. It’s talking to you. Never underestimate the internet.
Facebook is a little fucked up. It tells me that my partner has lost all his friends and can I help him find them? (Uh NO, I left those fuckers behind for a reason)
And then it asks if I’d like to reconnect with my dead grandmother. (Why YES, YES I WOULD. You know, if she hadn’t up and died on me. I’m not bitter.)
So yeah, facebook, fucked up.
.-= Veronica´s last blog ..Thursday Night =-.
If these painkillers weren’t working so well, the idea of a clown eating a hot dog might not be so funny to me.
Again, this might be the painkillers talking, but doesn’t “sorry” seem to be the perfect word for all balls?
Like, God could have said it.
“Sorry about the balls. XOXO, God.”
.-= Sarah p´s last blog ..Inadequacy, feelings of =-.
Facebook told me to send a guy I haven’t talked to in over a year, because I think he’s still a bit weirded out over the last time I visited him, a message… But it could also have to do with him being in Iraq doing something fiddly with guns. And me being in Australia for a year possibly. Then, Facebook asked me if I was planning something and I said I wasn’t planning anything and I was doing nothing that moment, but then it turns into this big old event where only my mom attended and we did NOTHING–from different sides of the globe. It was an international Doing Nothing party that only my mom attended–probably out of pity.
FUCK, I just refreshed the page and Facebook is asking me to catch up with that guy AND asking what I’m planning. Don’t get too schmucky, Facebook. Although I deleted my Myspace page, it doesn’t mean you’re in the clear, either.
I thought of you last week when I coined a new word. I think you might like it. Douchva: a combination of Diva and Douche. Generally masculine, but applicable to some women.
And, now that I think about it, why does the combination of two VERY feminine words (douche and diva) sound so masculine?
BP Cares. Hell yeah they do.
.-= Pauline´s last blog ..Seafaring Sunday: Aboard Jack =-.
I dreamed about you last night, Apparently my subconscious thinks you should teach fucked up science. Who knew?
.-= Chelle´s last blog ..Never ever ever ever again. =-.
Facebook tells me to reconnect with my hubs ALL THE TIME. Generally when I’m sitting on his lap facebooking while preventing him from accessing the gun chatrooms he so enjoys.
I think my hubs could be IN me and fb would still tell me to reconnect.
Though I did read an article about the fb founder being able to predict break-ups before they happen.
.-= Amy Mayfield´s last blog ..Friday Flip-Offs 5/28 =-.
Facebook asked me if I was a fan of happy. So I asked facebook if I looked emo. And then I tweeted. SHOWED YOU FACEBOOK!
.-= Alex@LateEnough´s last blog ..I Ask: Are There Monkey Balls All Over My Neighborhood? =-.
Back in March Facebood decided they had to remind that it was time to celebrate my wedding anniversary. WTF facebook? I think they were mocking me. http://www.flickr.com/photos/cassandrarose/4424578730/
.-= Cassie´s last blog ..wordless wednesday =-.
Glad I could bring that your attention. Now, Make with the upvote people! The Bloggess could be our first Blogger Laureate on Hawtness.com!
Dude. Facebook is always telling me to reconnect with my mother. And so I do. (I walk into our living room and have a heart to heart convo with her) and then I get back on facebook and it’s still like..”YO! Reconnect with your mom! Now! (here’s a picture if you forgot what she looks like) and I’m just thinking…DUDE! I JUST DID! WTF?? There’s only so many times you can reconnect with a person. Damn.
Ps. Just voted thumbs up on that clown photo of you. Though…I’m kind of sad they didn’t choose to use the black and white clown photo of you. 🙁 I liked that one alot.
.-= Rebekah Mae´s last blog ..12:01 =-.
I think #12 gave you an alternative title: Fucking Facebook is Probably Run By Zombies. You could always spice it up with another ‘fucking’ adjective somewhere. Maybe zombies can do with a bit of fucking. And those BP morons with their oily PR people. But mostly FB.
Really Stupid But Funny Idea: You could always make up a poster of your own. Like the dog one. But say Victor is missing. And is naked. Sorry about his balls. And post a small reward. Maybe a date night / slumber party at a cemetery. You should so clean up that Hawtness thing, by the way.
.-= The Dalai Moron´s last blog ..Don’t drink and shoot, especially in a bar =-.
Facebook recommended I become friends with my husband’s ex. She is now married to the guy who was The Hot Guy in high school.
He’s chubby and balding.
I’m not sure which one of us in that story Facebook hates more.
.-= Miss Britt´s last blog ..On losing control =-.
So did you or did you not see Sex & the City? Ugh! I’m so disappointed in that stupid franchise of a movie/show! This whole SATC2 thing was a complete and utter mistake. 🙁 Love your bloggie Miss Thing.
.-= Annah´s last blog ..Two Words: You Suck =-.
Why is Facebook worried about my relationships anyway? Does it have a license to counsel? Hmmm? I think not. Mind your own business, Facebook. And quit telling me I should become friends with that super annoying girl from high school who’s boyfriend I slept with repeatedly behind her back. Even seeing her comments on other people’s pages makes me all stabby. I just want to make my status “You may have climbed Mt. Everest, but I totally did your boyfriend in high school. Now who’s high and mighty??”. But I don’t want my kids to see that little piece of snarkasm, so I don’t.
.-= Spot´s last blog ..The one where I’m not on the verge of fortune and fame and I have Rickets =-.
Facebook has been all over my ass this past week……ugh…………do the work yourself…………why are you on my ass to do your work? One more week of this and Facebook and I will not be friends.
Obviously Annie’s mixing your posts up. If she’s connecting with her husband with her mouth, that sounds more like the cannibalism and blow-jobs post than anything facebook related. He’s probably a zombie, too. Sorry Annie.
.-= Elly Lou´s last blog ..I’m a Kick Ass Bridesmaid =-.
Mostly Facebook tells me to reconnect with people who I never connect with because the only connection I have with them AT ALL is ON Facebook because we went to the same high school and they sent a friend request. And after friending one person I barely remembered, I felt guilty not friending the next one and the next one and so on until I have this whole group of people who I’m friends with on Facebook even thought we were NEVER friends in high school because I felt as guilty saying “no” to a friend request as I did saying “no, you may not copy my biology notes PAY ATTENTION AND TAKE YOUR OWN DAMNED NOTES” 20 years ago. So now, as an adult, Facebook has managed to reduce me to the chubby, insecure kid who doesn’t get to sit at the cool table in the cafeteria (totally metaphoric, no one was caught dead in the cafeteria) and the fact that these people LOOKED ME UP and NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND registers on my self-esteem meter not at all.
Facebook: a gazillion
Insecure Facebook members: 0
.-= Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points´s last blog ..Wine by the gallon? Why, sure! =-.
Facebook keeps telling me to reconnect with an older friend that passed away. It reminds me quite often how much I miss her. Stupid Facebook and its antics. Also love how it tells me to connect with people I don’t know. How does that work?
100% agree with you about the BP Twitter account. It’s hilarious. Although… yesterday, they broke millions of kids’ hearts.. including mine. :-/ See? http://tinyurl.com/34lahq7 🙁
.-= Karen-Maeby (@missxkaren) ´s last blog ..conversationalists =-.
Wait – you *really* sat next to a girl dressed as a werewolf? Wow. Awkward. And I should imagine, that was a pretty warm not to mention uncomfortable choice of outfit for the cinema.
Facebook tells me to reconnect with my husband all the time. Only he doesn’t really exist. And I can’t remember his password: http://joandthenovelist.blogspot.com/2010/03/my-loveless-faceless-marriage.html
Yes. I am that sad.
For the last 3-4 days Facebook has been suggesting that I reconnect with my husband. The thing is that my husband has been away for some Army training for about three weeks now, which Facebook should know because most of my status updates are about how much I miss him. So clearly Facebook is just being a douche.
.-= Stacey´s last blog ..Thoughtful =-.
Facebook is fucking terrible.
You don’t even fucking know.
For the longest time on my not-internet-alias facebook it seriously would suggest COMPLETE STRANGERS who were either pregnant teenagers, pregnant-20 somethings, or young single mothers.
I have no kids.
I’ve never had any kids.
I don’t even WANT any kids for a while (or ever?)
Its like “Fuck you, facebook. I will bring a child into this world when I am good and ready, not whenever you think I need to.”
And then I got my online alias one so people can’t stalk me QUITE as easily (long story) and then I was good for like four or five months and then facebook is like “WAIT A SECOND YOU ARE THE GIRL WHO SHOULD PUSH A SMALL PERSON THROUGH THEIR VAGINA”
Fuck you, facebook.
.-= Rook´s last blog ..SHITTY PICTURES I TOOK WITH MY CELLPHONE =-.
I’m comforting my toilet right now. It had a rough weekend.
.-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..I need 30 pairs of shoes because I have 60 feet =-.
Fuckbook doesn’t tell me anything anymore cos I cancelled that mo-fo when I started using the sentence “that is so going to be my status today” a few too many times.
I hate the random stranger friend suggestions. That’s creepy. I don’t even want to think about what FB was suggesting when it randomly friend-suggested my ex-FIL….To whom I have no links. No common friends. Not even his email address in my addressbook.
.-= Paula´s last blog ..Memoray Lane Monday #21 =-.
Classmates.com wanted me to check out what my mother posted last week on her page. Well, she’s been dead 5 years and I would really like to see what she has to say but work blocked Classmates.com and I can’t check it out.
Oh, facebook is great for that, huh? My fiance keeps getting asked if he’d like to re-connect with his mother. She died this time last year. Way to rub it in, fb
.-= Hear Mum Roar´s last blog ..Time to rediscover the old me =-.
Facebook gives me more to tell my shrink. My sister must think I hate her because she keeps popping up for me to reconnect with her. I saw her like a week ago.
.-= Jenn´s last blog ..Rememberance =-.
Holy shit I found you! Which is not to say I was stalking you btw. I was reading this blog in January and my laptop is an arsehole and my boyfriend unplugged it and the laptop had a cry and shut down and when I opened it all my pages were gone and since I’m a dumb shit it hadn’t occured to me to bookmark the blog and I couldn’t remember what you were called and then today while googling “breast massage videos” (not dodgy, I swear) I followed a random trail of links and boobs and suddenly I’m here again and it’s like that scene in The Land Before Time when they travel for ages fighting t-rexes and get lost and walk through a cave and suddenly they’re with their families again only Littlefoot’s mum is dead, which was a bit depressing when I was little but who cares? I found you! YAY!
Even better than the Taxidermied Squirrel? Stuffed frogs in a zydeco band…
Wait…you said clown…now I am paralyzed with fear. Clowns are creepier than…zombies. For real.
.-= LookieLou´s last blog ..Baby Panda Startles Momma Panda! Cuteness Alert! =-.
Ever tried to cancel your FB account? You get the Spanish Inquisition. And you don’t even get the comfy chair or the soft pillows a la Monty Python.
.-= Wombat Central´s last blog ..Favorite Quote of the Weekend =-.
Oh man, Hailey’s graduation is adorable. I would have gotten teary-eyed, then blamed it on holding in a fart. Congrats!
.-= Busted Kate´s last blog ..Patience is a Virtue… For Suckers =-.
I love this weekly round-up feature of yours. But I do wish I have the 8th day in the week to fully appreciate everything. So here is the rundown: 1. HAWT.com. Thank you thank you! It’s interesting since lately I have started an obsession with photography by Ellen von Unwerth. Oh baby. 2. I am surprised about the Facebook page. WHY DIDN’T WE THINK OF IT UNTIL NOW??!! 3. Agree with you re. BPGlobal. I reckon you read his letter? Hands down, the best protest written wrt. this whole mess. 4. Just have to tell you how much I love you. I wandered away to check out some other “popular” blogs. Nope. You are still the one with the biggest heart.
.-= subWOW´s last blog ..Warning: Do not read this if you are my husband =-.