First off, several of you recently asked if I was tested for Hashimoto’s Disease and so yesterday I asked my doctor when I was in for more blood work and she was like, “Yeah, of course you have Hashimoto’s Disease. You have a lot of diseases.” And then she shrugged and went back to listing all the things I was doing wrong. And that sort of sums up my whole year.
I am feeling a bit better compared to where I was a few months ago but not sure if it’s because of the meds, diet, testosterone, supplements or the fact that since I feel better I finally have the strength to leave the house and walk or swim again. I’ve been on this awful doctor-mandated low carb/low sugar diet for a month and the good thing is that I’ve lost 12 pounds and the bad thing is pretty much everything else involved in eating low carb/ low sugar. It’s nice that I’ve lost 12 pounds but I still have to lose more and I sort of wonder if I just feel less awful because there’s now slightly less of me to feel awful and by that reasoning I will probably feel my best after I’ve been dead for 6 months.
Also, when I saw my doctor she was putting another woman on the same diet and I was like, “It’s a weird diet. You can have all the bacon and vodka you want, but no carrots” and my doctor was like, “That’s…not really the diet I put you on” I was all, “You specifically said no carrots” and she was like, “Yeah, I’m not arguing about the carrot part…” and she started talking about heart problems but I stopped listening because basically every time she talks I get a new disease.
Also, helpful hint for people on the same low carb, low sugar diet I’m on: Get some of those already roasted whole chickens at the grocery store because they’re delicious and when you rip it apart with your hands you can pretend you’re a giant and that it’s the torso of the person who put you on the low carb diet. Additionally, hummus wrapped in lettuce leaves = somewhat filling and also the saddest burrito ever. I plan on staying on the diet for another month or two but I don’t think I can do longer than that because bread is delicious and with all the vodka I’m drinking I might be getting too healthy.
PS. FUCK. I have to do blood work each year to make sure I’m healthy enough to stay on my injections for rheumatoid arthritis and as I was finishing this post my rheumatologist just called to let me know that my blood work shows that I’ve been infected with tuberculosis bacteria.
JESUS CHRIST. I APOLOGIZE TO WHOEVER I HAVE OFFENDED. PLEASE REMOVE WHATEVER TERRIBLE CURSE YOU PUT ON ME. I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON. (Disclaimer: I’ve learned nothing, but I will pretend I have as hard as you want if you make this all stop.)
Apparently it’s not incredibly uncommon for people to carry the TB bacteria if you live in a third world country, are in prison, or have auto-immune diseases (bingo) but only like 10% of us will actually progress to full-blown tuberculosis so today I have to get chest x-rays to see if I’m more “moderately healthy ex-felon” or “Doc Holliday with a vagina.” Chances are that I’m the first (and not contagious, so no worries if you hugged me recently) but because I’m more susceptible to TB now I have to meet with my doctor to find other treatment options for my RA because my injections make it super easy to get severe TB so I probably can’t stay on them and these injections are the only thing keeping me out of that wheelchair and now I’m going to just cry for an hour.
It could be worse and I’m sure it’ll be fine but I’m just really sick and tired of being sick and tired and of having my whole life revolve around not dying. And I’m sure you’re tired of hearing about it too. Sorry. I feel your pain, dude.
PPS. I looked for a gif to sum all this up and when I looked up “I’M HAVING A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN” this came up, and yeah…it’s pretty perfect:
UPDATED: “Your chest x-rays look clear. Your TB is just in your blood.” NOT DYING OF CONSUMPTION YET, MOTHERFUCKER! This is a weird thing to celebrate, but I will take it.