So a few weeks ago I found a lump in my neck. I ignored it because that’s what I do but it’s gotten worse and now I can feel it when I swallow and when I breathe. I wake up coughing and choking. It doesn’t hurt. It’s just really uncomfortable. Like being lightly strangled by your imaginary friend. And the anxiety of feeling unable to breathe makes my throat constrict, which makes it worse and that’s about the time I convince myself that my entire body is made of cancer.
It’s probably not though.
I saw my doctor and hoped she’d just say it was all in my head but turns out it’s all in my neck and she took so much blood that the tubes literally stopped filling up, which the nurse said was just a strange problem with the tubes but which I’m pretty sure is a sign that I’m now a solid. Today I have an ultrasound to look at my neck growth and honestly I’m a little nervous and I’d like for someone to tell me that I’m going to be fine.
Chances are that it’s my thyroid becoming extremely enlarged, which makes sense because I also have Hashimoto’s Disease and that causes a lot of weird problems. It happened once 15 years ago (on a much smaller scale) and I had to go through a lot of biopsies and ultrasounds before they were able to tell it wasn’t cancer. The process was grueling but it all worked out so I’m crossing my fingers that this will all work out too, but even if it’s just an enlarged thyroid it’s a concern that it’s pressing on my windpipe so they may have to remove it, or part of it, I guess? And that seems scary again.
So I guess what I’m asking is three things:
- Send me good thoughts if you have them to spare.
- Tell me I’m a hypochondriac and this is all very normal and that I’m being a grown-up by checking this out.
- Tell me if you’ve had your thyroid removed. Was it terrible?
Sorry this isn’t a funny post. I’m just super distracted and I can’t not think about it because breathing and swallowing are two of my favorite things and my neck is being a real dick about it.