So Saturday we opened Nowhere Bookshop for the day and it was amazing because there were real live people in the store and my talented friend Heather Gauthier delivered a special giant celebratory painting with lots of amazing little hat-tips…
…including this one hidden in the background which took me three minutes to figure out myself:
And it was a wonderful day until I completely threw out my back and ended up in incredible pain, which would have been bad enough but then my body was like, “we can make this worse” because I have this thing that I call Vincent Vega Syndrome because I can never remember the real name for it (vasovagal syncope) but basically it causes your body to SUPER overreact and faint when you see blood or are in major pain or emotional distress and that means that while walking through my kitchen I tweaked my back and I suddenly realized I was passing out and I didn’t want to fall on the counter I was facing so I pushed off of the counter but apparently so hard that I fell into the other counter and smashed my head into a cabinet and then ricocheted into the fridge and then fell on the floor and it scared the shit out of Hailey and also myself because it sounded like someone was demolishing the kitchen and pretty much felt like I was being assaulted by ghosts. In Victorian times you always hear about women swooning gracefully but I ended up loudly pin-balling into every hard surface in my kitchen.
My doctor was like, “Wow. That sucks,” and she’s not wrong but I sort of expected more but then she was like, “Take these pills and listen to your body” and I didn’t know exactly what that last part means but I assume she was saying you’re supposed to listen to your body and rest when it hurts but mine just keeps whispering for vodka and cheese.
But today I woke up and all the bruised body parts that I smacked into kitchen counters currently hurt worse than my back so I’m counting that as a win.
PS. When will Nowhere Bookshop actually be open for good? Probably within a month or so, but follow us on instagram because that’s the best way to know. We want to make sure that the covid numbers stay low but I’m feeling really optimistic because most of the people I talked to on Saturday (before my back tried to murder me) were fully vaccinated and vaccinations are the gateway drug to open bookshops.
PPS. Did you guess the slightly obscure easter egg in Heather’s painting? Because 10 points to you, if so.