I hate the sound of my voice

Last weekend I was talking to Laurence Simon (who literally is Full Of Crap) about his 100 Word Stories Podcast Challenge and so I wrote and recorded a story for him.  Then today I listened to the podcast where Laurence plays everyone’s stories and was mortified to realize that everybody else who submitted an mp3 of their story has their own theme song, sound effects, and (I think) Morgan Freeman narrating whereas I’m pretty sure you can hear the opening theme to Spongebob Squarepants in the background of mine. 

It’s like first time you go to a Gay Pride parade and you think you’re all cool because you’re wearing an “edgy” shirt that has the f-word on it and then you end up wedged between the girl wearing the duct-tape bikini and the guy who made his costume out of 18 swans.

Anyway, if you want to hear it, go here and click on the gramophone.

PS. This is a gramophone. 

PPS.  Oh never mind, just click here.

23 replies. read them below or add one

  1. So, I started to listen but my attention span was extremely short, I had no interest in listening to a guy (a bunch of guys…) I’ve never heard of before and so I jumped straight to the voting.

    You’re now ahead by one vote (thankyewverymuch) :). I look forward to hearing your acceptance speech.


  2. I just had to give you my vote.

    And wouldn’t you know it but I finally got an idea for the Turkish Prison theme now that the sleepwalking theme’s out. I guess I can do a combo.


  3. Don’t be hard on yourself about your voice, I promise you we all go through the same minor crisis when we read our stuff and listen to our voices.

    If you listen to my stuff you’ll notice the sound effects and background music is more of a distraction to get away from my voice (at least in my mind).

    Nice to see you in the challenge.


  4. Screw listening. I just voted for you. You are winning!


  5. Margaret,

    No fair, you have to listen. At least to Jenny’s story if for nothing else than to enjoy whatever remark Lair makes.

    By the way Jenny. I didn’t mention it earlier because I hadn’t had a chance to listen. Excellent story, I hope you get the bug and keep coming back.


  6. Dudes. The stories are like a minute long. If that’s too long for you to keep your attention I suggest ritalin. Or lithium. Or both in a cocktail at my house. Yum. Just turn it on and leave it up while you’re blogging. Then when your spouse is giving you grief for blogging you can say that you’re actually supporting the arts or listening to NPR or something. No one fucks with NPR.

    Oh and Houston, I’m totally bitten.


  7. That’s so funny because I was about to bail on the podcast too, because yes – I barely had the attention span to listen to the guy do the intro. But then I read your last comment and had to go back and give the WHOLE thing a shot. I’m glad to say it was worth it.

    Your ‘cast’ was awesome – and so was your voice. Besides that Morgan Freeman is overrated.


  8. Well, I haven’t been too busy narrating lately so I just help out whenever I can.

    Thank you very kindly for listening.


  9. oh, that’s an awesome site – and an awesome 100 words from you, of course! You’re so kicking ass in the votes 🙂


  10. I voted for you, but I’m biased. Because I wrote the same letter from a Turkish prison. How did you get my old letters?


  11. That was hilarious – and Laurence was just as funny as the submissions. My favorite (after yours of course) was the guy whose story rhymed.


  12. OK – I listened. Still liked Jenny’s best.


  13. “You guys are assholes” Best line!!

    I love how the guy laughed at the end of yours! Keep it up, that was hilarious!

    I’ll never get anything done now that I have all this great stuff to read and listen to. Thanks Jenny


  14. “Screw listening. I just voted for you.”

    I fear the day when the human attention span is reduced beyond the brain’s ability to react to a red light at an intersection.


  15. Aw Laurence, you voted for me? How sweet! I mean, I assume that’s what you said in your comment because I lost interest after the first line and stopped reading. Next time you should write it all in one big run-on sentence, ‘k? Or better yet, just use a big smiley face. Smiley faces are the

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Sorry. I was going to say something about smiley faces but then I lost interest in finishing the comment.


  17. You… you had me at “Aw.”

    (What was the rest of your comment again?)


  18. ADD is a bitch, and so am I, but I voted for you anyway. I’m trying to listen right now, but I’m not guaranteeing that I’ll finish. In fact, I’m almost certain I won’t. But I did read yours, and it was very funny. Oh hey…and now I’m listening to you. You guys are assholes? LMAO!!!!


  19. My computer speaker is broken but I’ll see if I can figure out how to vote without it.

    You said to bookmark this so I’m doing it.

    Good start!!


  20. That was great – I totally voted for you!


  21. […] last week when I my mini-story was featured in Laurence Simon’s 1oo-Word-Story podcast and then massive scandal […]


  22. It’s very sad to me that you had to explain what a gramophone is. Because for one, people should know, and for two, if people don’t know how to google shit, then why are they on the internet at all?


    Leah Danielle recently posted Josef Frank.

  23. I think your voice rocks!


    The Hook recently posted The Hook Dodges A Bullet – Barely!.

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